No Holds Barred, '08!

[The Crimson Ghost!]

Declan Prescott: My dream.

"AESC THROWS PRESCOTT STRAIGHT INTO THE LINE OF FIRE!!! THE GIW CHAMPION JUST GOT BLASTED BY THE KENDO STICK!!!!"

Brandon Brown: Turned to reality.

"AESC IS BACK TO HIS FEET AND TURNS TO FACE BRANDON, BUT IS MET WITH A SUPERKICK!"

Prescott: One moment.

"ONE!!! OH MY GOD!!! TWO!! HE'S DONE IT!!! HE'S DONE IT!!!! THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Brown: Can change a life.

"BRANDON BROWN IS THE NEW GLOBAL HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!!!!!"

[screen turns black, as "Children Of Decadence" blasts into play]

All wrecked and fucked,

Chris Austin delivering the SoCal Gutcheck 2.0 onto tacks to Savage at Black Axis.

I wonder if this is the way I'm supposed to go?

Great White and Joka watching Austin cover Savage at Black Axis.

But that is all I ever got, that is all I'll ever get, so I just let it go,

Chris Austin clutching the Hardcore Championship after his Black Axis match.

As we're walking through the fire,

Aragato levelling Aesc The Dark with the Crash Landing.

That burns within us all,

Lord Deathman delivering the Death Note to Aragato.

If you want to take a glance to the blaze of pain,

Deathman delivering the Graveyard Effect onto Aesc, sending him over the top rope and out of the ring.

You'll never be the same.

The stage equipment exploding, after Aesc choke slammed Deathman into it.

You want to get closer and get a taste of death?

Prescott entering the GIW arena on crutches.

I know you want to fuck me down, till I'm bleeding red,

Brown bloodied and motionless after the 21 Deaths.

I couldn't care less, I'll end up rotting in the mud,

Prescott: You never beat me!

So c'mon mother fucker and give me your best shot,

Brown: I took the Title from your cold, dead hands!

You really thought you'd see through what I am and what I need?

Brown and Prescott staring down at Infinity.

We are children of rebellion, we'll fight, we'll bleed.

Savage: NO!

Don't try to come to preach over us and over me,

Austin: HOLDS!

We're children of decadence, we're right, we're real,

Deathman: BARRED!

We'll fight, we'll bleed,

Prescott: NO HOLDS BARRED!

We're a mother fucking dying breed,

Brown: NO HOLDS BARRED!

We're dying...

[The Crimson Ghost!]

Vinegar: Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the most hardcore night in wrestling history! NO HOLDS BARRED! I'm Nicholas Vinegar, here with Daniel Hanson, and we couldn't be more excited for this PPV!

Hanson: Oh hell yeah! We're here in the Toyota Center in Houston and what a night these Texan fans are going to witness?! I myself can't wait for the bra and panties match. This is the first time in my life I've actually been cheering for Skinny!

Vinegar: And probably the first time in his life that he actually has a chance of winning. I'm more excited about the main event, personally.

Hanson: Indeed, Nick, my man! Declan Prescott is going to regain the Global Heavyweight Championship! The injustice of Black Axis will be corrected here tonight!

Vinegar: Well, that's your perspective. I think that Prescott is finally going to meet his maker once and for all.

"Bulls On Parade" hits and the fans pop loudly, silencing the two announcers. Levi Witham strides into the arena, as a large pyro erupts behind him.

Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is the GIW HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP NUMBER ONE CONTENDER COUNTDOWN MATCH! Introducing first, currently residing in Salt Lake City, Utah and weighing in at 210 pounds... LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVI WITHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!!!!

Witham enters the ring and climbs to the top rope, raising his arms in the air. He is met with cheers around the arena from the frenetic fans.

Vinegar: One of the young guns in GIW is Levi Witham. He's still learning the ropes, but this kid's future is as bright as they come.

Hanson: Maybe not, now that his brother wants him dead.

Vinegar: It's true that Levi and Sean are having some difficulties right now, but I'm sure they'll work it out.

Hanson: And if they don't, it doesn't matter, because after tonight Jensen is outta here! Ha!

Vinegar: You can be extremely obnoxious, you know?

"N.E.R.D" hits, as white pyros shoot up from the stage. Rock 'Devonte' Hard makes his way through the curtains, beats his chest and then points to the Toyota Center ceiling. The reaction he garners is mostly indifferent.

Dennis: And the opponent, from Rock Ville and weighing 213 pounds... ROOOOOOCK DEEEEEEEEEVONTE HAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRD!!!!!

Hard rolls into the ring, makes his way to the top rope and beats his chest, before pointing to the heavens, once more. He soon returns to the canvas and plants his gaze firmly on Witham.

Vinegar: Rock Hard is a rookie also and he'll be looking to prove himself in this match.

Hanson: A broom could look to prove itself.

Vinegar: And I'm sure a broom would kick your ass, just like Devonte would.

Hanson: Ouch...

"Quutamo" hits as a resentful booing fills the arena. Mitch Betts emerges from the curtains, and begins generically walking down the ramp.

Dennis: And the opponent, from Brisbane, Australia and weighing in at 180 pounds... MIIIIIIIITCH BEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTSSSSS!!!!

Betts enters the ring and stands in the centre, awkwardly.

Hanson: Creative.

Vinegar: I thought you were supposed to defend the despicable wrestlers?

Hanson: Pffft, what kind of cliché world are you living in?

"Immortal" begins playing throughout the arena, as Donovan Hastings, wrapped in a dark cloak, poses in the centre of the stage.

Hanson: Alright! Lord Hastings rocks!

Vinegar: Sheesh...

Dennis: And the opponent, from Hartford, Connecticut and weighing in at 230 pounds, The Immortal... LOOOOORRRRRRRRRRD DONOVAAAAAAAAAAAN HAAAAAAAAAAAASTINGS!!!!

Vinegar: And Hastings has entered the ring and BAM! Devonte takes him down with a clothesline! The bell has sounded and the countdown has started. Fifteen minutes remain!

Hanson: And while Devonte stops away at Lord Hastings, Levi just took Betts down with a tornado DDT! This is mayhem already!

Vinegar: You're damn right, as Hastings is able to battle his way to his feet with some rights and lefts. He applies a headlock, but Devonte quickly counters into a back suplex! AND WITHAM OUT OF NOWHERE SMASHES BOTH MEN WITH A MOONSAULT!!!

Hanson: Nuts! And he's going for a pin on Lord Hastings, already!

Vinegar: But Mitch Betts breaks the count before even a one can be reached. Now Betts pulls Witham up by the hair and pushes him into the corner. Betts bounces off the ropes and looks for a jumping double knee! NO! Witham evades at the last second and Betts eats the turnbuckle! And now Witham clothesline him right over the top rope!!

Hanson: But Devonte is back to his feet! He charges at Witham and sends Levi crashing right over the top rope after Betts! Now both men are laid out on the outside!

Vinegar: But Hastings is back up behind Devonte! Devonte turns around and gets a stiff kick to the gut! HASTINGS LOOKING FOR THE DESTINY'S CALL!

Hanson: But Devonte slides free in midair and lands behind Lord Hastings! Just like a snake!!

Vinegar: And Devonte follows up with a HUGE Russian leg sweep! HE MAKES THE COVER! Hastings kicks out at one! It'll take more than that to keep Hastings down.

Hanson: That's Lord Hastings, Nick!

Vinegar: I'll make a note of that, as Devonte drags Hastings back to his feet. He hits some quick chops to chest and then looks for a suplex! NO! HASTINGS COUNTERS INTO THE DESTINY'S CALL! HE HITS IT! HE PLANTS ROCK HARD WITH THAT LETHAL BRAIN BUSTER!!!

Hanson: And now he makes the cover! He truly is one to be admired, Nick!

Vinegar: ONE! HASTINGS MAY PICK UP THE FIRST FALL HERE! TWO! HE'LL HAVE TO HOLD ONTO IT ANOTHER TWELVE MINUTES THOUGH! THR - WITHAM BREAKS THE COUNT WITH A STEEL CHAIR INTO DONOVAN'S SKULL!!!!

Hanson: That miserable cheat!

Vinegar: There are no rules, he couldn't cheat even if he wanted to! AND MITCH BETTS OUT OF NOWHERE SMASHES WITHAM IN THE GUTS WITH A BASEBALL BAT!!! WITHAM DROPS THE CHAIR AND BETTS PLANTS HIM ON IT WITH THE BITCH SLAP!!!!

Hanson: THAT WAS BRUTAL! WITHAM JUST WENT NECK FIRST INTO A STEEL CHAIR!

Vinegar: And Betts looking to make the cover! NO! Hastings hits a low blow on Betts from behind and drags himself over Witham's motionless body! ONE! MY GOD, HASTINGS IS GOING TO SNEAK IT! TWO! NO ONE COULD KICK OUT OF THAT ATTACK! THREE! HASTINGS HAS DONE IT!! HE'S PICKED UP THE FALL!!!

Hanson: But now he has to hang onto it until the timer runs down to zero! I know you can do it, my Lord!

Vinegar: And Hastings is still dazed after that sick chair shot. He's rolling out of the ring to put some distance between himself and his comp - what?! HE'S HEADING BACKSTAGE! YOU HAVEN'T WON YET, HASTINGS!

Hanson: Ha! He knows that, Nick! But if the others can't catch him, they can't gain a victory over him! It's smart!

Vinegar: I don't agree with the tactic, but I can't deny that it'll surely increase Hastings chances of leaving this match with a guaranteed shot at the Hardcore Title. Or will it?! Mitch Betts is already dashing up the ramp after Hastings, with Hazel East following closely behind!

Hanson: But our Lord Hastings has slipped behind the curtain. Can we get a camera back there people?!

Vinegar: Yes we can, as we can now see Hastings in the backstage area. But he's waiting right at the curtain! He's going to attack Betts the moment Mitch steps through those curtains!

Hanson: Jeez, he's a brilliant man!

Vinegar: And Betts comes charging through the curtains RIGHT INTO A SPINE BUSTER ON THE CONCRETE!!! MY GOD, WHAT BRUTALITY?!?!

Hanson: But Lord Hastings isn't done yet! He pulls Betts up by the hair AND SLAMS HIS FACE THROUGH THE FRONT OF THAT VENDING MACHINE!!!

Vinegar: MITCH BETTS HAS BEEN BUSTED WIDE OPEN, BY THAT SNAPPED PLASTIC!!!

Hanson: But Lord Hastings still isn't done! He smashes Betts' bloodied face into the cake on that catering table!

Vinegar: Uh oh... I think that was a mistake...

Hanson: What are you talking about?! Lord Hastings doesn't make mistakes!

Vinegar: Big B was just about to have some of that cake and now it's ruined! The 500 Pound Wrecking Machine doesn't look happy! Hastings is trying to console the big man, but to no avail! BIG B LIFTS HASTINGS INTO THE AIR AND THROWS HIM INTO THAT CONCRETE WALL!!! MY GOD, HE JUST MADE HASTINGS LOOK LIKE A RAG DOLL!!!

Hanson: And now Big B is leaving the scene. Where's he going, Nick?!

Vinegar: To find more cake, would be my guess.

Hanson: Well, let that be the lesson - never get between an obese guy and his food.

Vinegar: And both Betts and Hastings are laid out, here. This match has been brutal on all the participants, but there's still a little over five minutes left on the clock! Anything can happen in that time!

Hanson: And here comes Devonte. How'd he know where to find them?!

Vinegar: The action is being displayed on the titantron.

Hanson: Oh, right. Devonte's smarter than I thought!

Vinegar: Or you're stupider than you thought.

Hanson: Burn unit...

Vinegar: And Devonte is quick to cover Hastings! A very smart move, as falls count anywhere in hardcore matches! ONE! TWO! THRE - Hastings kicks out!

Hanson: It'll take more than that to keep our Lord down.

Vinegar: And Devonte seems to have 'more' planned. He's grabbing the fire extinguisher from the wall!

Hanson: What if there's a fire?! We'll need that! Devonte is a madman! SOMEONE STOP HIM!!!

Vinegar: You may get your wish, Dan. Betts is on his knees and plants a fist into Devonte's groin, BUT NOT BEFORE DEVONTE CAN CRACK THAT FIRE EXTINGUISHER OVER MITCH'S SKULL!!!

Hanson: OUCH! I don't know who is worse off - Devonte or Betts!

Vinegar: And now Hastings is using the catering table to pull himself to his feet. But Devonte sees this and is able to overcome the pain in his doodle and launch an attack! He slams Hastings face into table AND IS NOW LOOKING FOR A POWER BOMB! ROCKY RIDE COMING UP! BANG! DEVONTE POWER BOMBS HASTINGS THROUGH THE TABLE! AND NOW HE LIFTS HIM UP FOR A SECOND POWER BOMB RIGHT ONTO THE CONCRETE! HE ROLLS THROUGH INTO THE BRIDGE WITH ONLY THREE MINUTES LEFT ON THE CLOCK!!!

Hanson: ONE! OH NO! TWO! KICK OUT HASTINGS! THRE -

Vinegar: BETTS BREAKS UP THE COUNT BY SPRAYING HAZEL EAST WITH THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER!!!

Hanson: HA! That's brilliant!!

Vinegar: Betts obviously breaking that count, so he can pin Hastings himself! And now Devonte is back up AND BETTS HURLS THE EXTINGUISHER FULL FORCE INTO DEVONTE'S FACE!!!

Hanson: BRUTAL!!

Vinegar: AND NOW BETTS SMASHES DEVONTE WITH A SUPER KICK! BETTS COVERS HASTINGS WITH BARELY OVER 2 MINUTES LEFT ON THE CLOCK!!!

Hanson: ONE! NO, NO, NO! THIS CAN'T HAPPEN! TWO! LORD HASTINGS WON'T BE ABLE TO WIN IT BACK IN TIME! THRE - YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vinegar: LEVI WITHAM OUT OF NOWHERE KICKS BETTS IN THE FACE AND BREAKS THE COUNT!!! BETTS RUSHES TO HIS FEET, BUT WITHAM PLANTS HIM WITH THE LDW!!!! AND NOW WITHAM COVERS HASTINGS!!!

Hanson: NO!!!!!!!!!!

Vinegar: ONE! TWO! THREE!!! HE DID! LEVI WITHAM PICKED UP THE FALL WITH UNDER A MINUTE LEFT ON THE CLOCK!!!

Hanson: THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!! HASTINGS SHOULD HAVE WON!! HE HAD THE FALL THE LONGEST!

Vinegar: That isn't how it works! Whoever has it at the end, wins the ma - HASTINGS OUT OF NOWHERE GRABS WITHAM AND ROLLS HIM UP WITH A SCHOOL BOY!! THERE'S BARELY THIRTY SECONDS LEFT ON THE CLOCK!!! ONE! AND HASTINGS HAS HOLD OF LEVI'S TIGHTS!!! TWO!!! DAMMIT, THIS ISN'T RIGHT!!! THREE!!!!

Hanson: YES! YES! YES! HASTINGS PICKS UP THE VICTORY!!!

Vinegar: NO! It's not over! Witham takes up the extinguisher with under ten seconds left on the clock! BAM! HE SMASHES IT INTO HASTINGS' FACE AND MAKES THE COVER! ONE! HASTINGS IS BARELY CONSCIOUS! TWO! LEVI HAS SNEAKED THE VICTORY! THREE-

BBBBBBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTTTTTTT!!!!!

Dennis: The time limit has expired! Your winner and number one contender for the GIW HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP...

Hanson: Hastings!

Vinegar: Witham!

Dennis: ... LORD DONOVAAAAAAAAAAAAN HAAAAAAAAAAAASTINGS!!!!!

Hanson: YES! HE DID IT!!

Vinegar: I THOUGHT IT WAS THREE BEFORE THE BUZZER SOUNDED!!

Hanson: You thought wrong, Nick! Lord Hastings may be a little too fuzzy to know it right now, but in four weeks time, he'll be competing in his first ever GIW championship match!

Vinegar: And we'll find out later tonight if it'll be against Savage or Chris Austin!

Hanson: But for now, lets just bask in this glorious moment our Lord has given us!

Vinegar: Well I have to admit, Hastings won the match fair and square. His undefeated streak will continue and no one can say he didn't earn it.

Donovan Hastings: 6

Levi Witham: 0

Mitch Betts: -2

Rock Hard: -2

[The Crimson Ghost!]

Backstage, Kane White can be seen stretching his right leg on a steel chair. Robert Garland approaches him, an expression of annoyance on his face.

Garland: White.

White *still stretching*: Hey Rob, what's up?

Garland: You tell me. Have you found out who attacked Devonte and I at Black Axis yet?

White: I have bigger things to worry about right now.

Garland: Well I don't! I let you lead this investigation, because you promised results! If you can't live up to your end of the bargain, I'm going to take matters into my own hands!

White stops stretching, stands upright and goes face-to-face with Garland.

White: Now is not the time to be bothering me about this! When I know something, you'll know something!

Garland: Wrong, White. I just took over this investigation. You just worry about not getting brutalised by Jensen... Like you did last time you faced him.

White snickers and begins to exit the scene. Garland grabs him by the arm before he's out of screen shot.

Garland: And White... Don't call me 'Rob'.

The camera suddenly cuts back to the Toyota Center arena, as "Lovefurypassionenergy" hits and the arena floods with boos. Christina Lust enters the arena and begins marching down the ramp.

Dennis: The following match is the GIW WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP BATTLE ROYAL! Introducing first, from Parts Unknown, The Luscious One... CHRRRRRRISTINA LUUUUUUUUUUUUUUST!!!!!

Hanson: Huh?! I thought she was locked in a closet!

Vinegar: Locks have keys, you know?

Hanson: Not all of them. Some have combination codes!

Vinegar: That's insightful stuff, right there.

"Windbreaker" hits and the fans pop loudly. Rianna Tyler, smirking, begins making her way towards the ring.

Dennis: And the opponent, currently residing in New York City, the Black Heart of GIW... RRRRRRRRRIANNA TYLERRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

Vinegar: Rianna Tyler was defeated in her GIW debut last week, but it was by count out. She hasn't yet been pinned or made to submit.

Hanson: And it's fitting really, because you have to be thrown to the outside to lose this match! Tyler is going down!

Vinegar: Over the rope and to the floor will get you eliminated from this match, but I give Tyler as much chance as anyone else. She'll be looking to get some revenge against Misery and Desmona tonight and that'll be her fuel for this bout.

"Haunted" begins playing and the arena again turns to echoing boos. Calypso Desmona crawls through the curtains, rises to her feet and makes her way into the ring.

Dennis: And the opponent, currently residing in Hartford, Connecticut, The Mistress off Pain... CAAAAAAAALYPSO DESMONAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Vinegar: This woman is out there, to say the least.

Hanson: Isn't that the best kind of woman, Nick?! Ha!

Vinegar: That's not what I meant.

Several eerie musical notes begin playing and the arena turns dark. Once the lights return, the fans are booing and Misery is kneeling in the centre of the canvas.

Dennis: And the opponent, from The Pi -

Vinegar: Dennis just got cut off, as Rianna Tyler just blasted Misery with a dropkick! The bell has rung and this one is underway! The Queen of the Damned goes reeling into the corner and Tyler follows up with a body splash! Black Heart whips Misery to the opposite corner, as Lust and Desmona haven't even made a move!

Hanson: But Misery counters and pulls Tyler into a clothesline! Ha! She almost took Tyler's head right off! The Queen of Bitches is one tough cookie!

Vinegar: I can't disagree with that. Now Lust makes a dash towards Misery, but receives an elbow right in the face! What a sick shot from Misery! And now Calypso rushes towards Lust and connects with a running neck breaker!

Hanson: That was sweet! And now Misery is pulling Tyler back up. Things are about to get a lot nastier around here!

Vinegar: But Tyler scores with some quick rights and lefts. She lifts Misery up AND CONNECTS WITH THE DVD!! But the victory is short lived, as Desmona hits a kick to Rianna's gut AND LIFTS HER UP FOR THE VOODOO! BAM! SHE NAILS IT!!

Hanson: What a beautiful move by a beautiful woman?!

Vinegar: I guess it's an acquired taste. Lust out of nowhere connects with a tornado DDT on Desmona!! Lust looking very proud of herself, BUT MISERY OUT OF NOWHERE CLOTHESLINES THE LUSCIOUS ONE RIGHT OVER THE ROPES AND DOWN TO THE FLOOR!!!

Hanson: One down, two to go!

Vinegar: And Desmona is getting back to her feet, still looking a little dazed. Now a stare off between Calypso and Misery! No! They're both casting their gaze towards the still downed Rianna Tyler!

Hanson: An alliance! These two were on the same side last week, after all.

Vinegar: Calypso is pulling Tyler up by the hair and getting her in a full nelson. Misery blasts a sickening right fist into Rianna's face!

Hanson: This is No Holds Barred, Nick! What'd you expect?!

Vinegar: And again and again! Misery is pummelling away at Tyler's face! Misery swings again, but this time Rianna slips free! BANG! Misery's fist just went straight into Desmona's face!

Hanson: Oh no! The alliance only lasted seconds!!

Vinegar: But Tyler launches an attack during the distraction! BLACKENED SOUL COMING UP ON MISE - NO! THE QUEEN OF THE DAMNED GRABS RIANNA'S FOOT WITH ONE HAND AND LIFTS HER UP BY THE THROAT WITH THE SECOND! MODIFIED CHOKE SLAM SENDS RIANNA TYLER OVER THE TOP ROPE AND OUT OF THE MATCH!!!!

Hanson: Woah! She must have fallen about ten feet there! Brutal!

Vinegar: These fans seem unhappy here, as Tyler was most certainly the crowd favourite of the match. But now it's Calypso using the distraction! She hooks Misery's arms AND IS LOOKING FOR A SECOND VOODOO!

Hanson: But Misery counters and hits a stiff knee into Desmona's gut! SHE'S LOOKING FOR THE DROP IN THE PIT, NICK!

Vinegar: AND MISERY LIFTS THE MISTRESS OF PAIN INTO THE AIR! NO! DESMONA SLIDES FREE OF MISERY'S BACK! THE QUEEN OF THE DAMNED TURNS AROUND TO FACE HER OPPONENT AND IS MET WITH A -

Hanson: KICK TO THE FANNY!!!!!

Fans: OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Hanson: THAT'S NOT RIGHT!!!

Vinegar: AND NOW CALYPSO IS LOOKING FOR A KISS BY CHAOS!!! BUT MISERY CATCHES HER IN MIDAIR AND RAMS HER SPINE FIRST INTO THE CORNER!!!

Hanson: What brutality from Misery?! What a woman?!

Vinegar: And now Misery grabs Calypso by the throat and the crotch! Military press!! MISERY THROWS DESMONA RIGHT OVER THE ROPE AND CRASHING TO THE FLOOR BELOW!!! MISERY HAS BECOME THE FIRST EVER GIW WOMEN'S CHAMPION!!!

Dennis: Your winner and FIRST EVER GIW WOMEN'S CHAMPION... MISERRRRRRRRY!!!!!!

Hanson: That was nuts!! Misery was able to overcome the pain and nothing was going to stop her!

Vinegar: And now Old Man Hermit is handing the Women's Title belt to Glenn Burke who is entering the ring with it. Hastings may have been victorious tonight, but Calypso Desmona was not. Is this a good or a bad omen for Deathman?

Hanson: That's Lord Deathman, Nick! You need to respect your superiors!

Vinegar: You don't respect me.

Hanson: Silence, fool! Burke is giving the belt to Misery!

Vinegar: Misery now raising that Championship over her head and the fans booing loudly. They're obviously not happy about this.

Hanson: That doesn't change anything. Misery is the first female Champion in GIW history! What an accomplishment?!

Vinegar: History certainly has been made here tonight. If Desmona had hit A Kiss By Chaos, this match may have turned out differently. But tonight the victory belongs to Misery and it was a damn impressive one.

Misery: 3

Calypso Desmona: 2

Rianna Tyler: -2

Christina Lust: -2

[The Crimson Ghost!]

"Steppin' Out" begins playing over the arena sound system, as the fans pop with cheers. Cara Costello, wearing a yellow tank top and white hot pants, makes her way onto the stage, smiling nervously.

Dennis: The following match is the first ever INTER-GENDER PRA AND PANTIES MATCH! And there's a good reason no one else has tried it, I might add... Introducing first, from HOUSTON, TEXAS... CARRRRRRRRRRRRA COSTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLO!!!!!

Cara enters the ring via the steel steps and begins waving to the fans.

Hanson: Ha! These people love Cara and I can't blame them!

Vinegar: Cara Costello is the hometown hero tonight and she has a heart of gold... At times.

Hanson: You're worried about her heart? That's not what you worry about when it comes to a woman's chest! What did they teach you in school, Nick?!

Vinegar: I'm just saying that she's a lovely human being.

Hanson: With a lot of lovely features...

"Why Can't We Be Friends" hits, as the arena fills with boos - the first crowd response Skinny has ever received. Brandon McSkinny enters the arena, wearing a pimped out, purple, velvet, fur coat. He struts down the ramp, waving provocatively at the nearby fans, disgusting them greatly. One small child squeals and fleas for the exit.

Dennis: And the opponent, from the fiery pits of hell... Skinny...

Dennis shudders just by mentioning the name, clearly still traumatised by his latest run in with the 'man'. Skinny enters the ring via the steps and begins running his hands down his body.

Hanson: That is truly horrifying...

Vinegar: And now Skinny is removing that ridiculous coat, but he suddenly stopped. What's going on?!

Hanson: Hey Nick, the coat is bangin'. I bet he stole it from Austin's locker room!

Vinegar: Well regardless, Skinny is having a word with Dennis and Cara is approaching the two men to see what's going on here. I'd like some answers too, quite frankly.

Hanson: Even it means being within an arm's reach of Skinny?

Vinegar: When you put it like that, maybe ignorance is bliss...

Dennis: Skinny has just informed me that he forgot to wear his bra and panties!

Fans: HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!

Hanson: You mean he's NAKED under that coat?! I think I'm gonna barf...

Vinegar: Well just watch your aim. You're very close to Old Man Hermit and I'd hate to see anything happen to you. Meanwhile Hazel East is having a word with Dennis.

Hanson: They look tense.

Vinegar: Give it a rest!

Dennis: To spare you all the hideousness of Skinny's naked body, Hazel and I have come to a decision. CARA WINS BY DEFAULT!!

Hanson: There is a God!

Vinegar: What?! Skinny has taken the mic from Dennis! Dennis must be really weak...

Hanson: Enter Chris Austin...

McSkinny: THEES EEZ A DEMN OUTRAGE! YOU GUYS EEZ JUST TRYEENG TO HOLD DEE BLACK MAN DOWN!

Vinegar: OH MY GOD, SKINNY IS REMOVING HIS COAT! DIVERT YOUR EYES AND GET ANY SMALL CHILDREN AWAY FROM THE TELEVISION!!!

Hanson: East and Dennis are wrestling Skinny to the ground and covering him with that fur coat! Look Nick! They're mending broken bridges with a mutual disgust for Skinny! Although, I did hear that Hazel has a thing for him...

Vinegar throws up in a fan's soda cup, as the camera cuts to the backstage area. Chris Austin, with the Hardcore Title draped over his shoulder as always, can be seen standing in a backstage hallway and watching the action in the ring through a monitor. He sighs to himself, as a familiar figure steps onto the scene.

Declan Prescott: Evenin' Austin.

Austin turns to face Prescott, clearly unimpressed by his acquaintance's presence.

Austin: Can I help you with something, Declan?

Prescott: I knew you'd be watching that match. I also knew you'd be begging to see Cara like I have.

Austin smirks.

Austin: What makes you think I haven't?

Prescott: Common sense, of course. Anyway, I just wanted to wish you luck for your match tonight. It should be interesting.

Austin: That a threat?

Prescott: It's a fact.

Austin: A fact? Kind of like the fact that last time we met like this, you had a Championship belt over your shoulder? What happened to that belt, Declan?! I've still got mine.

Prescott: Mock me while you can! After tonight, after I have reclaimed my Global Heavyweight Championship, after you have been defeated, I'll have two things that you never will.

Prescott spits angrily onto the ground and storms away from the scene. Austin grins and pats his Hardcore belt with his hand. He then whispers to himself.

Austin: I'm hardcore.

Cara Costello: Didn't feel comfortable having all those 'sweaty wrestling fans' staring at her near naked body.

Brandon McSkinny: Wanted to lose this match, because 'Skinny girls have all the fun'.

[The Crimson Ghost!]

Dennis: This match is scheduled to be a ladder match and it is between Kane White and Sean Jensen!!!!

Vinegar: As all the fans can see Kane White is already in the ring awaiting Sean Jensen to make his entrance.

Hanson: White isn't good enough for an entrance, huh?

Vinegar: Well, he doesn't even have theme music...

"Nightmare" by Crooked X blasts over the loudspeaker as Jensen makes his way down to the ring. White tries to gain an advantage by attacking him on the ramp.

Hanson: Kane White is doing the smart thing in this situation and showing Jensen how it's done. Who knew he could do it?!

Vinegar: Well, you seem to be right, as White is laying it into Jensen and has just thrown him over the barricade and now has grabbed a fans chair looking to lay him out!

Hanson: Come on White. Prove to us that you don't totally suck!

Vinegar: White swings and my God, he missed and smacked the barricade!!

Hanson: Always next time, I guess...

Vinegar: He dropped the chair 'cause of the pain his hands must be in!

Hanson: Oh dear...

Vinegar: Jensen now with the chair has nailed White in the head with it and is just going crazy on him with it! Shot after vicious shot!

Hanson: Is that legal, Nick?

Vinegar: You know damn well that it's all legal!

Hanson: Ref should still do something. White will probably be dead if jensen keeps this up for too long.

Vinegar: Well Jensen just threw White over the barricade and has entered the ring. What is he thinking?

Hanson: I don't know, but it's just pure stupidity.

Vinegar: OH MY GOD!!!! Jensen just did a Shooting Star Press out of the ring on top of Kane White who was starting to stand up!!!

Hanson: Alas, it's like Sentinel all over again.

Vinegar: Jensen now has grabbed a ladder and is looking to climb it so he can reach the item that is hanging above the ring!

Hanson: What is the item anyway?

Vinegar: It's a briefcase.

Hanson: What's in it?

Vinegar: I have no idea.

Hanson: So it's like a cereal box?

Vinegar: I guess it is, as Jensen is within an arm's reach of it!

Hanson: Nah...

Vinegar: Where the hell are you going?!?!

Hanson gets up from his chair and makes his way into the ring with a steel chair and lays out Jensen with it then takes the ladder down.

Vinegar: What the hell are you doing Hanson?

Hanson now helps Kane White up and pushes him into the ring he makes his way over to the booth and takes a seat next to Vinegar.

Hanson: That felt good.

Vinegar: What the hell was that?

Hanson: I'm more than sure the fans didn't want to see the match end this early so I gave them what they wanted.

Vinegar: All you did was screw Jensen over

Hanson: Aww, come on Nick. White needs all the help he can get!

Vinegar: Well either way, both men are making it to their feet and Jensen is up first. But God dammit, as soon as he made his way over to Kane White he was met with a low blow!

Hanson: There you go Kane! You've got a chance!

Vinegar: Kane White is really laying it into him and just punching him multiple times in the face and isn't letting up.

Hanson: Now, does White actually know how to climb a ladder?

Vinegar: Well it seems like he does, as he now has put the ladder up and is making his way up it!

Hanson: Ha! Jensen just got up to stop him and he has.

Vinegar: Jensen pushed the ladder over and now White is laying outside the ring and not looking to good. But what is Jensen doing he just left the ring and has pushed another ladder into the ring and now another.

Hanson: He should just climb the ladder and get it over with. This is stupid on his part.

Vinegar: Well he has set up one ladder and now has set the other one on it so he could maybe throw White onto it.

Hanson: White is starting to get up.... Come on young grasshopper!

Vinegar: And Jensen has noticed as he just jumped and grabbed White and now has forced him into the ring and it looks like he is going to go for a POMF Driver onto the ladder.

Hanson: Ouchy!

Vinegar: White just powered out and threw Jensen onto the ladder!!

Hanson: Yes!!

Vinegar: Now he has lifted him up and a damn spine buster onto the ladder!! Jensen is not doing good!!

Hanson: Who knew that was even possible?

Vinegar: Well, White seems to be contemplating what to do and now is looking to climb the ladder!

Hanson: Wait... How the hell is Jensen up?!

Vinegar: I don't know but the situation isn't looking good for White as he is starting to panic.

Hanson: Come on White! Now's your only chance at a victory!

Vinegar: Jensen has climbed the ladder and now they are fighting up there... Wait Jensen has the advantage and HOLY SHIT!!! He just hit a POMF Driver off the top rope!!!!

Hanson: I'm speechless I think they both are dead!!!

Vinegar: Wait! Jensen is getting up and now has begun to ascend the ladder and we have no movement at all from Kane White!

Hanson: NO!!!! He just pulled the mystery case down!!!

Dennis: Winner of the match... SEAN JENSEEEEEEEEEN!!!!!!

Vinegar: Jensen has done it, here folks!

Hanson: He's done yet though! Frog Splash '08 onto the unconscious White!!!

Vinegar: What?! The match is over!!!

Hanson: I guess Jensen is wanting to go out with a bang. Good for him!

Vinegar: Now you're on Jensen's side?!

Hanson: I was never rally on White's side. I just pity the guy.

Vinegar: With good reason, as Jensen is now blasting him in the face over and over with that briefcase! Now he's finally heading backstage, leaving White motionless in the ring.

Hanson: What a fleeting thing, a wrestling career can be.

Vinegar: Goodbye Sean Jensen.

Hanson: Goodbye Kane White.

[The Crimson Ghost!]

Vinegar: Alright, now it's time for our second title match of the night. It's for the Hardcore Championship! The Next Great One, Chris Austin, against the Last Aryan, Savage.

Hanson: Here he comes!!! As “America” by Rammstein blares over the speaker. The arena goes dark and white pyro explodes, as Savage muscularly marches towards the ring. Wait! Austin comes riding down in a shopping cart and nails Savage from behind with a baseball bat!!! What a cheap shot!? Like a drive by!

Vinegar: He didn’t let Savage get to the ring and quickly takes the early advantage. But OW! He crashed right into the ring sending him tumbling to the floor, but he's quickly back to his feet and charges at Savage full head of steam, but...

Hanson: Yes! A huge right to the face by Savage and a quick cover!

Hazel: One! Two!

Vinegar: And a quick kick out by Austin. Savage quickly runs towards the ring, pulls up the trap and is searching for a weapon. He pulls out a trash can! The lid! A stop sign! And a fire extinguisher!?! Austin comes sneaking up behind Savage and OW!!!

Hanson: A blast of that extinguisher right in the face of Austin. He must be blind!!! And here comes Savage grabbing Austin and belly to belly suplexing him right into the ring!!! WHAT STRENGTH!?!? Savage begins picking the weapons up and tossing them into the ring. He doesn’t see that Austin is getting back to his feet. An has the stop sign in his hands. Savage slides underneath the bottom rope and a quick DROP KICK INTO THE SIGN SENDING IT INTO SAVAGES FACE!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!

Vinegar: Savage is bleeding!!!! He’ll need stitches after this match, Dan! AND HAZEL IS COUNTING THE COVER!

Hazel: One! Two! THR!!!!

Hanson: And a kickout by Savage!! I think the blood is making him more angry then he was a minute ago!!! He's bulking up, as Austin lands some elbows into his face. Savage isn’t feeling a single blow!!! He pushes Austin into the corner, and follows up with a ramming shoulder, but...

Vinegar: AUSTIN SLIPPED OUT BETWEEN THE ROPES AS SAVAGE GOES INTO THE UNFORGIVING POST!!! HE PULLS A SCHOOLBOY AND THE COUNT!!!

Hazel: One! TWO!!!

Vinegar: And a kick out by Savage! Austin picks up the trash can and shoves it over his opponent's head, Austin has caught Savage inside the trash can!!! He quickly pushes Savage into the corner!!! Savage can’t escape!!! You see the trash can wiggling around but no hope!!! Austin double leg lifts Savage to the top rope!!!

Hanson: That’s not fair!!! He can’t put up a defence when he's like that!

Vinegar: I think that's the point! MY GOD!!!!! A SOCIAL GUTCHECK 2.0!!!!!! FROM THE TOP ROPE WITH SAVAGE IN THE TRASH CAN!!!

Audience: HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!!!

Vinegar: AND THE COVER!!!!

Hazel: ONE! TWO!! THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vinegar: Did you see that!?!? A SOCIAL GUTCHECK FROM TOP ROPE WHILE SAVAGE WAS IN THE TRASH CAN!!!

Hanson: Yes Nick. You don’t have to yell I am right HERE!!!

Dennis: And your winner and STILL GIW HARDCORE CHAMPION... CHRRRRRRRIS AAAAUUUUSTIN!!!!

Vinegar: That was impressive! I guess Savage learned that it isn’t all about the brawn. It’s about the ability.

Hanson: Just shut it.

Chris Austin: 5

Savage: 1

[The Crimson Ghost!]

"For Whom The Bell Tolls" hits a and the arena turns dark blue. Aesc The Dark marches onto the ramp, to a reaction of unanimous boos. He ignores the fans and marches confidently towards the ring.

Dennis: The following match is the TRIPLE THREAT LAST RIDE MATCH in which the winner will be declared the number one contender to the GLOBAL HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP! Introducing first, from Parts Unknown and weighing in at 300 pounds... AAAAAAAAEEEEEEESC THE DAAAAAAARRRRRK!!!!

Aesc enters the ring, as the arena returns to regular lighting. He casts a menacing gaze around the arena, before resting his vision upon the entrance stage.

Hanson: If Aesc escaped the closet... does that mean he came out of the closet?!

Vinegar: It won't be pretty if he hears you saying something like that...

Hanson: You'll have to protect me, Nick!

Vinegar: That's about as likely as Skinny winning the Global Heavyweight Championship.

Hanson: Bastard...

Several eerie musical notes begin playing and the arena turns pitch black. When the lights return, Lord Deathman is kneeling on one knee in the centre of the ring.

Dennis: And the opponent, from The Dark and weighing in at 370 pounds, The General Of Destruction... LOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRD DEATHMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!

Vinegar: Deathman rising to his feet here and he and Aesc look like they can't wait to tear each other apart!

Hanson: Deathman started this feud by trying to make a name for himself at Aesc's expense. Tonight, we'll see who ends it!

Aragato's theme music begins playing and the arena explodes with cheers. Aragato stalks onto the stage, complete with harness of kendo sticks. He begins swiftly moving down the ramp and towards his opponents.

Dennis: And the opponent, from Kyoto, Japan and weighing in at 215 pounds. Mr. Deathmatch... ARAGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATO!!!!!!

Vinegar: Aragato climbing into the ring now and it seems he doesn't want to take off those kendo sticks. And since the match is hardcore rules, that's his prerogative.

Hanson: Look how small he is, Nick! Between Aesc and Deathman, he doesn't stand a chance!

Vinegar: He may be smaller, but Aragato is just as tough as both of his opponents! They call him 'Mr. Deathmatch' for a reason.

Hanson: Because his matches are the death of our ratings! Ha!

Vinegar: These fans don't seem to share your opinion. And now the hearses are being backed into the ramp way. This match is only seconds away from commencing!

Hanson: And both Aesc and Lord Deathman are bursting at the seams to get this thing started! Aragato is kind of expressionless...

Vinegar: Aragato is a mysterious man and, quite frankly, I think it's better off that way. I don't want to know what he's thinking...

Hanson: Ignorance is bliss, eh? Isn't that what you said about the female orgasm?

Vinegar: You manage to work sex into every single match don't you?

Hanson: It's what I do.

Vinegar: Well thankfully the cars are in place now and the bell has rung. This match is underway and Aesc kicks things off by blasting a fist into Deathman's face! Aesc whips The General Of Destruction into the ropes, but Deathman counters and sends Aesc smashing into the corner! Now Deathman follows up with a clothesline lariat! Aesc stumbles out of the corner AND ARAGATO BLASTS HIM WITH THE KENDO STICKS!! ONE! TWO! THREE! I CAN'T KEEP UP!!! AESC IS ON HIS KNEES, AS ARAGATO REMOVES THE FINAL KENDO STICK! BAM!!!!!!!!! HE JUST LEVELLED AESC WITH THE 21 DEATHS!!!!

Hanson: Woah! That was intense! Aesc is busted open and unconscious on the canvas in the first minute of the match!

Vinegar: And now Deathman takes hold of Aragato AND THE DEATH NOTE COMING UP! NO! ARAGATO SLIDES FREE AND DROPKICKS DEATHMAN IN THE BACK OF THE SKULL!!!!

Hanson: And that attack sends Deathman face first into the corner! Aragato packs quite a punch for a little guy!

Vinegar: And he follows up with a jumping leg lariat into the back of Deathman! Now Aragato is looking to remove that now empty harness, but that's all the time Deathman needs to connect with a stiff roundhouse kick! Mr. Deathmatch eats the canvas and Deathman begins stomping away at his head!

Hanson: And Lord Deathman stomps are the worst kind of stomp!

Vinegar: I won't disagree, as The General Of Destruction now pulls Aragato to his feet. BANG! He just smashed Mr. Deathmatch face first into the top turnbuckle! He looks for a second smash, but Aragato hits a stiff elbow into the big man's midsection! Deathman stumbles backwards AND ARAGATO PLANTS HIM WITH AN INCREDIBLE SPRINGBOARD DDT!!!!

Hanson: Woah, that speed was impressive! That Aragato is like a monkey, Nick!

Vinegar: You do not want to say things like than when he's so close.

Hanson: Hey, he's coming this way! You don't think he heard me, do you?!

Vinegar: I guess we'll find out.

Hanson: YOU HAVE TO PROTECT ME, NICK!!!

Vinegar: You seem to be in luck, as Aragato is searching under the ring for a weapon. Unless he's getting one to use on you, that is...

Hanson: THAT'S NOT FUNNY, NICK!!

Vinegar: Aragato has hold of a chair and he slides back into the ring, as Deathman is climbing back to a vertical base. You're safe, Dan. For now...

Hanson: Pffft, I could have taken him anyway.

Vinegar: You're unbelievable. Now Aragato tosses that chair INTO DEATHMAN'S HANDS?!?!?! BANG!!! ARAGATO SMASHES IT INTO THE GENERAL'S FACE WITH A GIGANTIC SPINNING WHEEL KICK!!!!

Hanson: Lord Deathman just went tumbling to the mat! That was one hell of a shot!

Vinegar: And now Aragato is laying that chair over Deathman's face and going up to the top rope! He leaps off with a flying leg drop, BUT DEATHMAN ROLLS AWAY! ARAGATO JUST WENT CRASHING ASS FIRST INTO THAT METAL CHAIR!!!!

Hanson: Alright! Now Lord Deathman is pulling Aragato up and CRACK! He just hit a spine buster onto the chair!!!

Vinegar: Aragato clearly in a lot of pain here, as Deathman delivers a leg drop of his own, but only from the canvas! Deathman looking for a second leg drop now, BUT AESC OUT OF NOWHERE BLASTS HIM WITH A STOP SIGN!!!

Hanson: He can't treat a Lord like that! Now Lord Deathman has fallen into the corner and Aesc is climbing the top rope, LOOKING FOR OLD SCHOOL!!

Vinegar: He nails it and Deathman is down! Now Aesc is pulling Aragato up, clearly not having forgotten the 21 Deaths only minutes earlier! SATANIC CONVERSION ONTO ARAGATO, PLANTING HIM INTO THE CHAIR!!!!

Hanson: Wow! Aragato's gotta be down and out after that one!!

Vinegar: BUT DEATHMAN OUT OF NOWHERE WITH A KICK TO AESC AND NOW THE GRAVEYARD EFFECT!!!! DEATHMAN SENDS AESC RIGHT OVER THE TOP ROPE AND CRASHING INTO THE FLOOR!!!!!

Hanson: That's what happens when you disrespect your Lord!

Vinegar: And now Deathman is climbing out of the ring, after Aesc! He's probably looking to eliminate Aesc from this match, as he pulls The Black Minister to his feet! Aesc fights back with some desperate rights and lefts, clearly out of instinct. His eyes are rolling around in his head and he has no idea where he is, right now!

Hanson: But those punches aren't enough to stop Lord Deathman. He rams Aesc spine first into the barrier!!!

Vinegar: And now he's dragging Aesc over to one of those hearses!

Hanson: But Aesc hits an elbow into Lord Deathman's nose! That's disrespectful, Nick!

Vinegar: Aesc is looking to stay in this match, no more, no less. Now Aesc smashes Deathman's forehead into the side of that hearse! Aesc dragging Deathman around to the rear of the vehicle AND LOOKING FOR THE TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER!!! NO!!! DEATHMAN COUNTERS AND ROLLS THROUGH, SETTING AESC UP FOR A TOMBSTONE OF HIS OWN!!!! BANG!!!!!! AESC JUST GOT TOMBSTONED ONTO THE ENTRANCE RAMP!!!!!

Hanson: Wow! That shot just echoed around the arena! Aesc looks unconscious now!

Vinegar: AND DEATHMAN IS DRAGGING AESC TO HIS FEET AND ROLLING HIM INTO THE BACK OF THAT HEARSE!!!! HE SLAMS THE DOOR SHUT AND THE CAR TAKES OFF!! THAT'S IT, AESC IS OUT OF THIS MATCH!!!!

Hanson: HA! OUR LORD IS GOING TO TAKE THIS MATCH, JUST LIKE MISERY DID!!!

Vinegar: MAYBE NOT! ARAGATO COMES RACING OVER THE TOP ROPE WITH THE CURTAINS!!!! BUT DEATHMAN SIDESTEPS AND ARAGATO GOES SPLATTERING RIGHT ONTO THE FLOOR!!!!

Hanson: Ha! Lord Deathman is always one step ahead!!

Vinegar: And now The General Of Destruction has picked Aragato up! DEATH NOTE RIGHT INTO THE BACK OF THE SECOND HEARSE!!! DEATHMAN SLAMS THE DOOR AND IT'S ALL OVER!!! THE CAR IS LEAVING THE ARENA AND DEATHMAN HAS WON THE MATCH!!!!

Dennis: The winner of the match and number one contender to the GLOBAL HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP... LOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRD DEATHMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!

Vinegar: Deathman has come through with a dominant victory here tonight!!

Hanson: I told you, Nick! Our Lord Deathman is unstoppable! Now Misery is the Women's Championship and Lord Deathman will have his shot at the Title in a month's time!

Vinegar: But we still have one question left to answer tonight: Who will the Champion be in a month's time? Declan Prescott or Brandon Brown?

Lord Deathman: 6

Aragato: -2

Aesc The Dark: -2

[The Crimson Ghost!]

"I WILL NOT RELENT! NO! NO!

NEVER LIVE WITH DEFEAT! NEVER FALTER!

IT'S LIKE THE AIR THAT I BREATHE!

I WILL NOT CHOKE ON FAILURE!"

The arena fills with a deafening boo, as Declan Prescott strides through the curtains and raises his arms in the air. There are two notable differences regarding the man on this night: his usual, relaxed attitude has been replaced by a sneer of distain and Cara Costello is not by his side. He casts a filthy stare towards the fans nearby and then begins strolling towards the ring.

Dennis: The following match is a LAST MAN STANDING match for the GLOBAL HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP! Introducing first, currently residing in Los Angeles, California and weighing in at 227 pounds, the owner of GIW, The Significant Player... DECLAAAAAAAAAAAN PREEEEEEEEEEEEEEESCOTT!!!!!!!

Prescott moves up the steel steps and then climbs onto the turnbuckle. He raises his arms once more, receiving only thunderous jeers in response. He soon lowers himself onto the canvas and then stands completely motionless, staring towards the entrance stage.

Hanson: I've got goose bumps, Nick!

Vinegar: Everyone in this arena does! We're only moments away from the biggest match in GIW history! It's going to be bloody, brutal and violent, folks!

Hanson: But it'll be worth it, Nick! Do you have any idea how glorious it's going to be, hearing Declan Prescott crowned as the company's first ever two time Global Champion?!

Vinegar: Not nearly as sweet as seeing Brandon Brown retain his Championship will be! And with ALL interference banned from ringside, things are going to be settled once and for all!

Hanson: I know Declan can do it!

"WHEN I GET HIGH, I GET HIGH ON SPEED!

TOP FUEL FUNNY CAR'S A DRUG FOR ME!

MY HEART! MY HEART!

KICKSTART MY HEART!"

The arena explodes with tremendous cheering that shakes the Toyota Center's very foundations. Brandon Brown soon leaps from the curtains, the Global Heavyweight Championship belt strapped tightly around his waist. He jogs down the ramp, high fiving several fans as he goes.

Dennis: And introducing the GLOBAL HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, from Albion, Indiana and weighing in at 190 pounds... BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRANDON BRRRRRRRRRROWN!!!!

Brown slides into the ring and leaps onto the second rope, pointing to the fans in the front row. He smiles broadly, flexes his biceps and then nips back down to the ring. Prescott stares at him menacingly, as Brown jogs from one side of the ring to the other, bouncing off the ropes accordingly.

Hanson: Why's he in such a good mood, Nick?

Vinegar: He's putting on a brave face for these fans, Dan. he knows they want to see the Brandon Brown they've come to know and love and that's what he's going to give them. But make no mistake, when that bell rings, it's going to be all business.

Hanson: And tonight we're in the business of seeing Brown get his ass handed to him by Declan!

Vinegar: Maybe, but maybe not. We'll know soon enough.

Brown now unbuckles his Championship belt and hands it to Glenn Burke, who promptly raises it in the air. He nods to both competitors and then signals for the bell to be rung. The bell promptly sounds and the match begins.

Vinegar: Well here we go. Brown and Prescott are staring each other down intensely, as Glenn Burke passes the belt to Old Man Hermit. This is going to be one hell of a showdown!

Hanson: Neither man wants to make the first move! I can't blame them. Can you imagine the nerves that must be running through both of these guys?!

Vinegar: There's certainly a lot of pressure on both competitors, but I know they won't let that affect their performances. Both these men are willing to do whatever it takes to leave the building as the Global Champion.

Hanson: Which is what's going to make this match so great! Well, that and the fact that Declan is going to win!

Vinegar: And now the two combatants lock up! Prescott is able to force Brown backwards and remember folks, that Brown is going into this match coming off three of the most gruelling matches of his life! Meanwhile, Prescott is fresh. That very well may be the difference maker here tonight! But you also have to remember that Prescott can't rely on anyone else's help. If he's to win this match, he has to win it alone!

Hanson: He seems to be doing alright now, as he forces brown into the corner and starts laying into him with some knife hand chops!!

Vinegar: Prescott is the bigger and stronger here, which is an advantage I'm sure he isn't used to. But brown has him beaten in the speed department, I do believe.

Hanson: Look at the speed of those knife hand chops! Declan's pretty fast himself, if you ask me!

Vinegar: And I never said he wasn't. But now Brown ducks the knife hand and begins smacking away at Prescott with some chops of his own! He whips Prescott to the opposite corner and The Significant Player hits the turnbuckle hard!

Hanson: And Declan falls straight down to the mat! This is bad, Nick!

Vinegar: Try not to wet yourself, Dan, it's still the early going. And now Brown looks to pull Declan to his feet, but Prescott smashes an elbow into his opponent's gut. And now he rakes Brandon's eyes!! Dammit, what a despicable move?!

Hanson: Anything is legal in this match, Nick! Well, anything, except outside interference...

Vinegar: And Prescott follows up with a kick to the gut and delivers a gut wrench suplex, hanging Brown up in the corner!!

Hanson: Ha! Now Brown is all caught up! That was a great move by Declan!

Vinegar: And while Brown struggles desperately to get free, Prescott has left the ring. He's looking under the canvas AND HE'S GOT A BASEBALL BAT COVERED IN BARBED WIRE!!!

Hanson: WOW! Now that's hardcore!!

Vinegar: And now Declan is back in the ring, but Brandon has freed himself from the corner and is back on his feet! Prescott swings the bat like a madman! Brown ducks the shot and rolls straight out of the ring! That's a smart move, but Prescott is right behind him! Prescott swings the bat again, right in front of us!

Hanson: Careful Declan! You don't want to injure you're biggest fan, do you?!

Vinegar: Prescott swings a third time and misses again! This time he's out, as Brown connects with a right hand and The Significant Player drops the weapon! Now Brown bashes Prescott's face into the announce table! The Global Champion is removing the table covering and rolling Declan onto the desk! What's Brown got planned for his opponent?!

Hanson: Nothing good! BROWN JUST PICKED UP THE BARBED WIRE BASEBALL BAT! HE SWINGS IT AT DECLAN!

Vinegar: But Prescott rolls towards us and out of the way! A very smart moARGH!!!!

Hanson: Holy crap, Prescott just went rolling straight onto Nick! Are you okay, Declan?! Oh jeez, now Brown has climbed ONTO the table! Watch out Declan! Ha! Declan just grabbed Brown's leg and tripped him up! Nice move! Now Declan is climbing the safety barrier and I'm hiding behind Old Man Hermit for safety! Get out of there, Nick! ARGH!!! DECLAN JUST HIT A SPINNING LEG DROP FROM THE BARRIER AND ONTO BROWN, SENDING HIM STRAIGHT THROUGH OUR ANNOUNCE TABLE AND CRASHING ONTO NICK!!!

Ace: Don't worry Dan Dawg, Vick Ace is in the place!

Hanson: You're a rapper now?!

Ace: I wrapped a ***** with my ******* huge ***** and ***** **** last night ***** licker!

Hanson: Wow... I never thought I'd actually want Nick to come back... Oh! Glenn Burke is counting Brown out, as Prescott pulls himself back to his feet! Burke is up to three! Come on, stay down, Brown! Hey, I'm a rapper too!

Ace: **** YEAH ******!!!!

Hanson: Oh man, only a five count and Brown is back up. But Declan has the bat!

Ace: MONEY SHOT!!!!!

Hanson: DECLAN JUST BASHED THAT BARBED WIRE BAT INTO THE SIDE OF BROWN'S SKULL!!! BROWN'S HAIR IS CAUGHT IN THE BAT AND SO HE HASN'T ACTUALLY FALLEN OVER!!!

Ace: I remember one time this **** got her hair caught in my **** **** and so I -

Hanson: Not now! Declan just shook the bat free and Brown collapsed face first into the wreckage of the announce table! Burke is starting to count, but you better not take any chances Declan! Go get another weapon just in case!

Burke: STAY OUT OF IT, HANSON!

Hanson: Yeah, yeah, you just count Brown out!

Ace: Damn, Brown is bleeding from the side of the head!

Hanson: Did you just say something that actually relates to the match?!?!

Ace: **** YEAH ******!!!!

Hanson: INCREDIBLE! But back to the bout, Brown is using the safety barrier to pull himself up, as Burke is only up to five again. Dammit Glenn, do you even know how to count?! BUT DECLAN HAS HOLD OF A LADDER!!! BANG! HE JUST SMASHED IT INTO BROWN'S FACE AND SENT HIM TUMBLING OVER THE BARRIER AND INTO THE FANS! AWESOME MOVE!

Ace: Speaking of awesome moves, I once had this ***** and a ****** with her legs ***** in the air and ***** ***** and so he -

Vinegar: GET OUT OF HERE, YOU ****!

Hanson: Nick's back!

Vinegar: Damn right I am, as Prescott has climbed over the safety barrier in pursuit of Brown and is blasting the Global Champion with a fan's chair!! I've never seen Prescott this aggressive before! I thought he'd barely be able to keep up with Brown in this match!

Hanson: Well that just goes to show that you underestimated our soon to be Champion!

Vinegar: Or that his plan to wear Brandon out before the pay-per-view has worked! And now Prescott drags Brown up by the hair and rolls him back into the ringside area. We better watch out, Dan!

Hanson: It's a flase alarm, because Prescott has pulled Brown up and is dragging him towards the steel steps! BANG! Haha, he just planted the 'Champ' blood soaked face first into those steps!

Vinegar: And Prescott is relentless here! He bashes Brown's face into the steps a second time! A third time! A fourth - NO! Brown gets his hands between the steps and his face AND SMASHES A FOOT INTO PRESCOTT'S GROIN!

Hanson: NOT HIS DOODLE!! Austin will get his wish if there are too many of those attacks! Cara won't have a choice!

Vinegar: Right now, Prescott's main concern should be the Global Champion, WHO JUST BASHED THE SIGNIFICANT PLAYER'S FOREHEAD INTO THE RING POST!!!

Hanson: He's gonna be sterile and an idiot! This is terrible!

Vinegar: And now Brandon rolls the number one contender into the ring. The brutality isn't going to lessen though, because Brown has taken the ladder and is bringing it back into the ring with him!

Hanson: But Declan is getting back to his feet! ARGH! Brown bashes the ladder into his skull and sends him right back down!

Vinegar: A sickening shot to the challenger there, as Brown is now setting up that ladder in the middle of the ring. What he got planned?!

Hanson: Whatever it is, it won't be good for Declan, that's for sure!

Vinegar: But Brown is leaving the ring again and looking under the mat. HE'S PULLING OUT A TABLE!

Hanson: Declan put Brown through a table and now it seems he wants to return the favour! This is terrible!

Vinegar: Only if you're Declan. And now Brown is setting that table up in the ring, but Prescott is starting to recover. He's getting back up, BUT BROWN SMASHES HIM WITH AN ENZIGURI OUT OF NOWHERE!!!!

Hanson: ARGH! Declan just fell face first onto the table!

Vinegar: And now Brown is hoisting the rest of the challenger's body onto the table! Brandon is climbing the ladder now, looking to take Prescott down! BROWN LEAPS FROM THE TOP OF THE LADDER WITH A SOARING MOONSAULT!!!! BUT PRESCOTT ROLLS AWAY AT THE LAST SECOND!!! BROWN JUST WENT CRASHING FACE FIRST THROUGH THAT TABLE AND COLLIDING INTO THE CANVAS!!!

Hanson: MARVELLOUS!!!

Vinegar: BROWN IS LIFELESS IN THE RING AND BURKE IS STARTING THE COUNT! ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

Hanson: Just stay down, Brown! You had a good run while it lasted!

Vinegar: FIVE! SIX! BROWN IS STARTING TO MOVE! SEVEN! EIGHT! BROWN HAS HOLD OF THE ROPES AND IS TRYING TO PULL HIMSELF UP! NINE! T - NO! GLENN BURKE HAS DECLARED THAT BROWN IS BACK TO A VERTICAL BASE!!

Hanson: So close!! Declan was less than a second away from becoming Champion again!

Vinegar: And Brandon was less than a second away from losing the Title! And now Declan smashes a clubbing fist into Brown's already bleeding face! Now Prescott shoving Brown into the corner and hoisting him onto the top rope. The Significant Player is hoisting up Brown's legs and positioning them on the outside of the ropes.

Hanson: What's Declan planning? A suplerplex?

Vinegar: Not quite! BANG! PRESCOTT JUST PLANTED HIS FIST STRAIGHT INTO BRANDON'S GROIN!!!

Hanson: Ha! Now Declan is the one returning the favour! SMACK! He just punched Brandon's doodle again!

Vinegar: Now Prescott pushes the ladder over and makes his way to the opposite corner of the ring. He's tapping his thigh, INDICATING FOR THE PERFECT PLAY!!

Hanson: HA! He's gonna kick Brown's janglies right off his body! Classic!

Vinegar: PRESCOTT CHARGES! HE LIFTS UP THAT FOOT AND SENDS IT STRAIGHT INTO BROWN'S GROIN AT INSANE VELOCITIES! NO!!! BROWN MANAGES TO GET HIMSELF FREE AND SPRINGS OUT OF THE WAY AT THE LAST SECOND!!! AND WITH NOTHING THERE TO STOP DECLAN'S LEG, HE GOES CRASHING DOODLE FIRST INTO THE TURNBUCKLE!!!!

Hanson: OH NO! I bet this is making Austin feel better after his match with Savage!

Vinegar: But while Prescott is laid out on the mat, clutching his crotch in agony, Brown has taken quite a tumble. He had to leap from the top rope all the way to the floor to avoid Declan's attack and seems the worse for wear, because of it.

Hanson: Brown made the right choice, I think. A Perfect Play into the janglies? Anything is better than that... Except for a sledgehammer to the janglies, I suppose. AND THAT HAPPENED TO DECLAN, TOO!!!

Vinegar: And while you've been absorbed by Declan's reproductive organs, Glenn Burke is up to a three count! FOUR! FIVE! Declan has pulled himself up, but Brown is still down! SIX! SEVEN! Will he be out too?! EIGHT! NINE! NO! He's grabbed hold of the apron and pulled himself up! This match is still going, folks!!

Hanson: But Brown looks only semiconscious and Declan is resting in the corner, clutching his man parts! I don't know who has had it worse in this match!

Vinegar: Now Brown is searching under the ring once more. What's he going to retrieve this time?!

Hanson: But Declan has noticed and is making his way over there, albeit, very slowly...

Vinegar: Declan reaches out to grab Brown, but the Global Champion emerges from under the ring WITH A BLOWTORCH!!! HE JUST SHOT A BARRAGE OF FLAMES AT DECLAN PRESCOTT!!!!

Fans: HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!!!

Hanson: HOLY SHIT INDEED! DECLAN JUST GOT BLASTED BY A FIREBALL!!! PARAMEDICS GET OUT HERE NOW!!!!

Vinegar: I think Declan evaded the bulk of the flame, but the front of his hair has most certainly been singed!!

Hanson: I think it's blinded him, Nick! He's flailing on the mat like a fish out of water and seems to be in tremendous agony!!!

Vinegar: And meanwhile, those ropes near Brown are now ON FIRE!!!! They were set alight in the blast!!!

Hanson: That Brown is a bastard!

Vinegar: He's doing what he has to, to win! I don't know if I would have taken it that far, but Brown hasn't broken any rules!

Hanson: When some greasy guy in a bingo hall came up with 'no rules', I don't think he had flamethrowers in mind!!!!

Vinegar: Regardless, this match is still going, as Brown has taken hold of that barbed wire baseball bat! He's returning to the ring, making sure to avoid those burning ropes, as he does so. Now Brown is raising the bat above his head and standing over Prescott, who is still crying out in agony!

Hanson: HAVEN'T YOU DONE ENOUGH, BROWN?!?! SOMEONE HAS TO STOP THIS BASTARD!!!

Vinegar: No one can! That was the entire point of the match! AND SMASH!!!! BROWN JUST CLUBBED THAT BAT INTO DECLAN'S FACE!!! THE SIGNIFICANT PLAYER'S FOREHEAD HAS BEEN RIPPED TO SHREDS AND THE BLOOD IS GUSHING OUT!!!!!

Hanson: DECLAN, JUST GIVE UP! YOU CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE OF THIS!

Vinegar: BROWN ISN'T GONNA GIVE DECLAN THAT CHANCE! HE SMASHES THE BAT INTO THE CHALLENGER'S FACE AGAIN! EVEN MORE SKIN IS RIPPED FROM DECLAN'S HEAD, AS BROWN BASHES THAT BAT INTO HIM OVER AND OVER!!! YOU CAN SEE THE SKIN AND BLOOD COVERING THE BAT!!!

Hanson: BUT BROWN STILL ISN'T STOPPING! HE SMASHES THAT BAT INTO DECLAN AGAIN! AND AGAIN! AND AGAIN! AND - YES!!!! DECLAN GRABS THE BAT AND RIPS HIS HANDS OPEN TO SAVE HIS FACE!

Vinegar: PRESCOTT SMASHES THE GRIP OF THE BAT INTO BROWN'S GROIN!! BROWN GOES STUMBLING BACKWARDS INTO THE BURNING ROPES!!!!

Hanson: HIS TIGHTS ARE ON FIRE AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT HE DESERVES!!!

Vinegar: MY GOD, BRANDON IS DESPERATELY PATTING THE FIRE TO PUT IT OUT! HE'S ABLE TO DO SO, BUT AS HE DOES, DECLAN SWINGS THE BARBED WIRE BAT INTO THE CHAMPION'S GROIN!!!!

Hanson: HA! REVENGE!!!!

Vinegar: And Brown has fallen to his knees, screaming in agony! But that attack took all of Prescott's strength and The Significant Player is now sprawled out on the mat, totally lifeless!!!

Hanson: Look at that blood pouring out of his head! He looks like a corpse, Nick!

Vinegar: Someone has to seriously consider stopping this match! Declan looks like he needs a blood transfusion and Brandon might have third degree burns on his leg!!!

Hanson: Burke may be about to end this match, because he's counting Declan out! HE'S UP TO FIVE!

Vinegar: SIX! SEVEN! DECLAN DOESN'T EVEN LOOK CONSCIOUS, LET ALONE READY TO STAND UP! EIGHT! NINE! PRESCOTT HASN'T MOVED AN INCH!!!!!!

[The Crimson Ghost!]

Vinegar: WHAT THE HELL?!?! BRANDON BROWN JUST LEAPT ON TOP OF PRESCOTT AND IS PUMMELLING HIM WITH A BARRAGE OF RIGHTS AND LEFTS!!!

Hanson: BROWN WOULD HAVE WON THE MATCH, BUT HE CHOSE TO BREAK UP THE COUNT JUST TO INFLICT MORE PAIN ONTO DECLAN! THAT MAN IS A SADIST AND SHOULD BE LOCKED UP!

Vinegar: I THINK HE'S SNAPPED!! THAT LAST SHOT SENT BROWN OVER THE EDGE AND HE'S GOING TO MAKE SURE PRESCOTT PAYS!!!

Hanson: But his plan has backfired! Declan rakes his eyes, sending Brown reeling onto the mat! BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF HIM, DECLAN!!!

Vinegar: Prescott seems to have a different idea and is, instead of following up, crawling towards the backstage area! It seems he wants no more part of Brown and I can't blame him!!

Hanson: He should be crawling towards an ambulance! WHERE IS DR. PROFESSOR?!?!

Vinegar: But Brown has no intentions of finishing this match! He's grabbed the ladder AND SMASHES IT INTO PRESCOTT'S SPINE!! Now the Global Champion has set the ladder up and is starting to climb it!

Hanson: Declan is trying to crawl out of the ring, but he has no energy left! I don't think he even knows where he is!!

Vinegar: You may be right, as half of the canvas is now entirely red, painted by Declan's blood!! AND BROWN LEAPS FROM THE LADDER! HE MISSES HIS TARGET AND GOES PLUMMETING TO THE OUTSIDE!!

Hanson: He didn't jump, he fell! Declan kicked the ladder at the last second! He didn't have enough power to knock Brown off, so he waited until he was about to jump and disrupted his balance! HE'S A GENIUS!!!!

Vinegar: I guess he knows where he is after all! Meanwhile, Brandon Brown is completely motionless on the arena floor! He's taken more bumps than the law should allow!

Hanson: And Glenn Burke is beginning the count, as Declan uses the ladder to pull himself back to his feet! ONE! TWO! THREE! EVEN AFTER EVERYTHING THAT'S HAPPENED, DECLAN MANAGES TO SNEAK THE VICTORY! FOUR! FIVE! SIX! THE MAN IS UNSTOPPABLE, NICK! SEVEN! EIGHT! NINE! ARGH!!!!!!

Vinegar: BROWN HAS USED THE RING STEPS TO PULL HIMSELF BACK UP!!! THIS MATCH ISN'T OVER!!! HOW ARE THESE MEN DOING IT?!?!

Hanson: I'm not even sure they are men, Nick! No regular man could survive this match, let alone still stand up!!!

Vinegar: And now Prescott has hold of that ladder and is dragging it out of the ring with him. I'm not so sure that's a good idea!

Hanson: Declan seems to think it is, as he's setting it up on the end of the entrance ramp! BUT BROWN FROM BEHIND SLAMS DECLAN'S HEAD INTO THE OBJECT!!!!

Vinegar: And both Declan and the ladder go tumbling over and spilling up the ramp way! Declan's entire torso is painted red now and Brown's body is covered in blood splattered bruises! These men have waged a war here!!

Hanson: Now Brown is pulling Declan up, BUT DECLAN WITH A FIST TO BROWN'S TORN UP DOODLE!!! HE'S STILL FIGHTING, NICK!!!

Vinegar: That he is, as he grabs the ladder! He's standing over Brown and is gonna bash it into the Champ! BUT BROWN WITH A LOW BLOW OF HIS OWN, SENDS HIS FOOT SMASHING INTO DECLAN'S GROIN!!

Hanson: OH DAMMIT, NO!!!

Vinegar: And now both men are crawling back to a vertical base, but Prescott is the one with the ladder. PRESCOTT SWINGS THE WEAPON AND THE SAME TIME BROWN LAUNCHES A SUPERKICK!!!! BOTH MEN JUST GOT BLASTED IN THE FACE AND HAVE FALLEN DOWN LIFELESSLY!!!! BURKE IS STARTING THE COUNT! ONE! TWO! THREE!!!

Hanson: FOUR! FIVE! NEITHER MAN IS MOVING!!! SIX! SEVEN! AFTER ALL THIS IT'S GOING TO BE A DRAW?!?!

Vinegar: EIGHT! BOTH MEN ARE STRUGGLING TO MOVE WITH EVERYTHING THEY HAVE, BUT THAT REALLY ISN'T ALL THAT MUCH! NINE! THIS ONE IS OVER! TE - NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BOTH MEN HAVE MADE IT TO THEIR KNEES!!!!

Fans: HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!!!

Hanson: THIS IS NUTS!!! WHAT'S IT GOING TO TAKE TO KEEP THESE GUYS DOWN?!?!

Vinegar: I'm not sure they can be kept down for a ten count! They've been battling for over thirty of the most violent, brutal minutes I've ever witnessed and are still coming back for more!!!

Hanson: Maybe not! Declan just collapsed back down!!!! He's lost way too much blood, Nick!!!!!

Vinegar: And Burke is starting to count once more, as Brown is setting up the ladder on the entrance stage! ONE! TWO! THREE! BROWN BEGINS TO CLIMB IT, BUT SUDDENLY STOPS! FOUR! FIVE! SIX! BROWN IS SHAKING HIS HEAD AND RETURNING TO THE FLOOR! SEVEN! EIGHT! NINE! HAS HE DECIDED TO JUST LET THE MATCH END?! NO!!!! HE BLASTS A FIST INTO PRESCOTT'S FACE, TO BREAK THE COUNT!!!

Hanson: BASTARD! WHY IS HE DRAGGING THIS OUT?! HE HAS TO BE HURTING JUST AS MUCH AS DECLAN!!

Vinegar: I couldn't possibly tell you, as Brown is now heading backstage! What's he doing?! You haven't won the match, Brandon!!! Meanwhile, Glenn Burke has no choice but to restart his count against Prescott! ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! I CAN'T SEE PRESCOTT GETTING UP AGAIN! SIX! SEVEN! EIGHT! WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?!?! BRANDON BROWN JUST EMERGED FROM THE CURTAINS WITH A TWENTY FOOT TALL LADDER IN HIS HANDS AND THESE FANS ARE GOING CRAZY AT THE SIGHT OF IT!!!!

Hanson: AND HE SMASHES IT INTO PRESCOTT'S FACE TO BREAK UP THE COUNT YET AGAIN!!! NOW HE'S SETTING THE LADDER UP ON THE ENTRANCE STAGE!!!! THIS IS INSANE, NICK!!!! IT HAS TO END NOW!!!!

Vinegar: I'm inclined to agree, but only Prescott and Brown are able to make it end! And that may be about to happen, as Brown is climbing up that twenty foot ladder!!! BUT PRESCOTT SOMEHOW MUSTERS ENOUGH STRENGTH TO GRAB THE SMALLER LADDER AND HE SMASHES IT INTO BROWN!!! THE CHAMPION GOES FALLING SIX FEET AND CRASHING INTO THE STAGE!!!

Hanson: And now Declan is climbing the ladder, while Burke counts against Brown! ONE! TWO! THREE!

Vinegar: Prescott has reached the top of that ladder! FOUR! FIVE! SIX! HE'S SOAKED IN HIS OWN BLOOD AND BARELY CONSCIOUS, BUT HE'S GONNA JUMP! SEVEN! EIGHT! NINE! NO!!!! BROWN GRABS HOLD OF THE BOTTOM RUNG OF THE LADDER! HE TIPS IT OVER INTO THE TITANTRON!!!!! MY GOD THE ENTIRE SCREEN JUST EXPLODED, AS DECLAN WENT SOARING INTO IT!!!! THE LADDER HAS BEEN BLOW INTO PIECES AND PRESCOTT PLUMMETS TWENTY FEET THROUGH THE AIR AND CRASHES INTO THE MAT, AS SPARKS ARE SHOOTING OFF IN ALL DIRECTIONS!!!!!!!!

Hanson: DECLAN MUST BE DEAD!!!!!! HE JUST HAD THE TITANTRON BLOW UP AT POINT BLANK RANGE!!!! GET THE FUCKING MEDICS OUT HERE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!

Vinegar: AND ALL GLENN BURKE CAN DO IS COUNT, AS THE METAL ENCASING THE TIANTRON IS BEGINNING TO FALL! ONE! TWO ! THREE! FIRES HAVE ERUPTED ALL OVER THE STAGE AND PYLONS ARE COLLAPSING ALL OVER THE PLACE! FOUR! FIVE! SIX! THE FANS ARE EVACUATING THE BUILDING, AS BRANDON BROWN HAS FORCED HIMSELF TO HIS FEET! SEVEN! EIGHT! NINE! PRESCOTT IS STILL A CRUMPLED, BLOOD SOAKED, LIFELESS MESS, LAID OUT AMONGST THE DEBRIS!!! HERE COME THE PARAMEDICS!!!! TEN!!!!!!!!!! BROWN'S DONE IT!!!! BRANDON BROWN HAS RETAINED THE GLOBAL HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP!!!!!

Dennis: Your winner and STILL GLOBAL HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION... BRRRRRRANDON BRRRRRRRRRRROWN!!!!!!

Hanson: AND PYLONS ARE STILL COLLAPSING FROM THE STAGE AREA AND FALLING TO THE GROUND!!!

Vinegar: BURKE IS ESCORTING BROWN BACKSTAGE, WHO SEEMS TO HAVE NO CLUE WHAT'S HAPPENING OR WHERE HE IS!!! MEANWHILE THE PARAMEDICS ARE CARRYING PRESCOTT OUT OF HERE, WHO MAY NOT EVEN BE BREATHING!!!

Hanson: But the stage props are still collapsing!!! Come On Nick, we have to help evacuate these fans!!!!

Vinegar: Damn right!!!!

Hanson and Vinegar flea the remnants of their announcing booth and begin hurrying toward the carnage of the collapsing stage structures. The screen fades to black, to the sounds of screams of panic, the twisting of metal and the sparks of electrical fire.

Brandon Brown: 3

Declan Prescott: 0 *wipes away tear*