Toxic Intent '08 RESULTS

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

"The fall of a tyrant."

The Globatron exploding, as Declan Prescott collides with it.

Vinegar: THE ENTIRE SCREEN JUST EXPLODED, AS DECLAN WENT SOARING INTO IT!!!!

"The rise of a monster."

Lord Deathman slamming the hearse trunk door shut.

Vinegar: DEATHMAN HAS WON THE MATCH!!!!

"The dream of a man."

Brandon Brown holding the Global Heavyweight Championship belt above his head.

Vinegar: This is the most glorious moment of Brandon Brown's career!!!

...Destruction...

...Brutality...

...Desperation...

"Toxicity" begins playing.

More wood for their fires, loud neighbours,

Global Domination in their entirety, standing in the ring.

Flashlight reveries caught in the headlights of a truck,

Brandon Brown holding the Global Heavyweight Championship belt.

Eating seeds as a past time activity,

Randy Boolzian taking a swig of Red Bull.

The toxicity of our city, of our city,

Chris Austin holding his vile of 'secret sauce'.

NEW, WHAT DO YOU OWN THE WORLD?

Deathman and Komosube both kicking a steel chair into Chris Austin's face.

HOW DO YOU OWN DISORDER, DISORDER?

Komosube crushing BoolZ with the Banzai-sault.

NOW, SOMEWHERE BETWEEN THE SACRED SILENCE!

Deathman delivering the Graveyard Effect to Brown over the top rope and out of the ring.

SACRED SILENCE AND SLEEP!

Savage delivering the Tiger V to BoolZ.

SOMEWHERE BETWEEN THE SACRED SILENCE AND SLEEP!

Donovan Hastings countering the SoCal Gutcheck 2.0 into a falling DDT on Austin.

DISORDER! DISORDER! DISORDER!

Austin, BoolZ and Brown standing before the camera, with two shadow cloaked figures behind them.

WHEN I BECAME THE SUN!

Cara Costello making her first Sentinel appearance after becoming acting GM.

I SHONE LIFE INTO THE MAN’S HEARTS!!

The same shot of Global Domination standing in the ring.

WHEN I BECAME THE SUN!

Same shot of Brown clutching the Global Heavyweight Championship belt.

I SHONE LIFE INTO THE MAN’S HEARTS!

An arena packed full of GIW fans.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: WELCOME FOLKS TO THE UNITED CENTER HERE IN CHICAGO, AS GLOBAL IMPACT WRESTLING PRESENTS TOXIC INTENT!!! I'M NICHOLAS VINEGAR, WITH DANIEL HANSON, AND WE HAVE NOTHING BUT GREAT MATCHES FOR YOU HERE TONIGHT!!

Hanson: You didn’t have to scream in my ear...

Vinegar: Sorry Daniel but I am so excited! We have all active titles up for grabs tonight and some truly exceptional matches on the card!

Hanson: I predict that Global Domination will dominate all night. It is in their name, after all.

Vinegar: Don’t you start that already. For now let's just concentrate on our opening match. Two brothers in Levi Witham and Sean Jensen battling it out in an I quit match!

Hanson: And the loser becomes the winner's bitch!!! I don’t even believe they're truly brothers, though. Look at their last names.

Vinegar: Nonetheless I can’t see how this match is going to happen, they grew up together.

Hanson: Lets just get to the bout, already.

Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen our first match is the I Quit Match between the brothers Levi Witham and Sean Jensen. Introducing first, hailing from Sacramento, California and weighing in at 220 pounds... LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVIIIIIIIIIIIIII WITHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vinegar: Out comes young Levi as Bulls on Parade by Rage Against the Machine plays. He comes sprinting down to the ring, high fiving some of his fans along the way. He’s such a good sport. Standing on the turnbuckle waiting for his brother.

Dennis: And introducing his opponent. He is Levi’s older brother, hailing from *cough*again*cough* Sacramento, California and weighing in at 223 pounds, he is SEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hanson: As Riot by Three Days Grace blasts over the speakers out comes Sean Jensen hauling ass to the ring. He slides in under the bottom rope, he whips off his hoodie and throws it into the audience he is screaming for something... what a microphone?

Sean: Levi. You’re my brother, I have to ask you one thing. Save yourself the embarrassment and just say it already. Just say those two little words and be my...

Vinegar: MY GOD!!! Levi just punched his brother in the mouth and laid him out cold!!!

Levi: I am no one’s bitch! You're going to be my bitch, bitch!

Vinegar: Levi showing that he has had enough of his brothers torment and is pummelling Sean into the ground!

Hanson: But the older and wiser Sean pulls off a quick leg trip and sends Levi to the mat. Sean quickly rolls out of the ring and searches under it for some kind of weapon. Yes! He throws a trash can in the ring, a chair, a stop sign, a lead pipe and a sledgehammer!!!!!!!!!! Ha, ha, ha, ha!!! He walks up the stairs, steps through the ropes but Levi’s there with a drop kick to a chair into the face of Sean.

Vinegar: Levi fighting back. He picks up the trash can and wedges it in between the ropes in the corner. He grabs his brother in a face lock, he whips Sean towards the trash can and OW!!! SPINE FIRST!!!!! Levi lowers his brother down into a seated position and places the trash can over his face. Levi runs to the ropes and comes back and a DROP KICK INTO THE TRASH CAN, SMASHING SEAN IN THE FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hanson: That’s no fair! He's cheating!!!!

Vinegar: He’s not cheating, because it’s no DQ match! Levi picks up the microphone and demands Sean to speak.

Hanson: SEAN JUST SPAT INTO LEVI'S FACE!!!!

Vinegar: That’s not right. Now Levi jumps down to the edge of the ring, looking for a weapon. WAIT A MINUTE!! HERE COMES SEAN’S BODY GUARD, NATHANIEL GREGORY!!! HE TAKES HIS CAIN ACROSS THE BACK OF LEVI!!!! NOW THAT’S NOT FAIR!!!!

Hanson: It’s no DQ.

Vinegar: Shoving my words back at me?

Hanson: Yep. Sean is barking orders to Nathaniel to get a table!!! This is going to be great! Nathaniel slides the table under the ropes, then poor Levi afterwards. Sean sets up the table close to one corner and puts Levi on top of it. He demands Nathaniel to hold Levi’s legs. Sean climbs to the tope rope. BUT NO!!!!

Vinegar: Yes! Help is on the way with a chair in hand, here comes Dylan James to the rescue, with thoughts of last sentinel obviously still fresh on his mind!! He slides under the ropes and nails Nathaniel on his back sending the big man over the ropes. Then hammers Sean for good measure! Levi rolls off the table and Sean goes crashing through it! Levi yells at Owen Peterson to ask Sean if he quits. With the same answer as before. NO! Levi is getting frustrated. Wait. Where is he going? He’s running to the back!!!

Hanson: What a coward. Running from the ma - WHAT IS THAT?!?!

Vinegar: IT’S A FORKLIFT!!! A HUGE FORKLIFT!!! WHAT IS HE GOING TO DO NOW?!?!?!?! He jumps off the lift and grabs his brothers leg.... Not knowing his has the sledgehammer!!!!!

Hanson: OUCH!!!!!!!!!! RIGHT TO LEVI’S HEAD, BLOOD SPEWING EVERYWHERE! HE FELL UNDER THE FORKS..... SEAN ROLLS OUT OF THE RING AND QUICKLY LOWERS THE FORKS DOWN..... THAT HAS TO HURT.....

Sean: ASK HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Owen Peterson: Do you quit!?!?

Levi: I.......

Vinegar: Levi just say it. Oh my GOD!!!! Sean is crushing his own brother!!!!!!!!!! JUST SAY IT LEVI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Levi: (GASPING) I........Q.......U.....IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Owen: RING THE BELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dennis: AND YOUR WINNER... SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNN!!!

Vinegar: Good! Now get the forks off of him. Sean’s bending over his brother as the medics come running down from the back, stretcher and all!

Sean: I’m sorry..... BUT YOU’RE MY BITCH NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hanson: That was intense, but Sean won!!

Vinegar: Levi put up a hell of a fight, but it wasn’t enough to overcome his brother. I thought Sean was going to apologize but he had to rub it in. If this is a sign of things to come tonight, there are going to be a hell of a lot of bodies going to the hospital. Poor Levi Witham. *stands up and applauds*

Sean Jensen: 6
Levi Witham: 1

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

"Bummer" begins playing over the arena sound system. After around thirty seconds, Travis Roberts appears on the stage, his arms extended to both sides and head held high. He is met with a mixed reaction, as he begins marching confidently down the ramp way.

Dennis: The following match is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, currently residing in Los Angeles, California and weighing 220 pounds, The Blessed One... TRRRRRRRRRRRAVIS RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROBERTS!!!

Roberts smiles casually at the fans around him, seemingly ignorant that only half of them are on his side. He becomes somewhat distracted at the sight of a well built woman, before making his way into the ring and casting his vision towards the entrance way.

Vinegar: Quite the night for that man. It's his singles match debut in GIW and he's going to be confronted by Global Domination before the night is over. That's certainly going to be weighing on his mind during the match.

Hanson: Not if he's smart. He has the chance to be embraced by wrestling's most elite group! If anything, that should add fuel to his fire!

The arena suddenly turns dark as the opening of a Red Bull can echoes throughout the United Center. The lighting of a Zippo then sounds, before "Wonder What's Next" begins playing and the fans start to cheer loudly. Before long, Randy Boolzian marches onto the stage with a smoking cigarette in one hand and an icy can of Red Bull in the other.

Hanson: Drama queen...

Dennis: And the opponent, from Oceanside, California and weighing 220 pounds, the Red Bull Icon... RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRANDY BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLZIAN!!!!

BoolZ begins strolling down the ramp and enters the ring via the steps. He finishes off his Red Bull and takes one final drag of his cigarette, before placing it inside the can. He then tosses the can out of the ring and begins jumping up and down on the spot.

Vinegar: And this is the man who may as well have a giant target painted on his back. Cara Costello made it abundantly clear to Roberts that she wants BoolZ 'taken out' in this match.

Hanson: And if Roberts is as blessed as he claims, he'll be able to get the job done here tonight.

Vinegar: We're about to find out, as the bell rings. Here we go, this match is now officially underway! And remember that both these men are currently undefeated within GIW. One of those streaks is going to end with this match!! Now both men briefly circling the ring, before looking up! Interestingly, Roberts is some seven inches taller than BoolZ, but both men have the same weight.

Hanson: Same mass, Nick. And what's your point, anyway? That Roberts is some sort of gangly freak?

Vinegar: What?! No!

Hanson: Or that BoolZ is like a pit-bull? Short, stocky and stupid?

Vinegar: Forget I spoke, as Roberts whips BoolZ into the ropes.

Hanson: Gladly.

Vinegar: BoolZ comes racing back and Roberts with the power slam! NO! BoolZ counters into a HUGE tornado DDT!!! Brilliant athleticism displayed by RBI, as Roberts climbs back to a vertical base. BoolZ quickly follows up with a snap suplex, taking The Blessed One down once more. But Roberts again getting back up and now BoolZ takes to the ropes! He comes back with a Twisted Steele, but Roberts ducks and takes hold of BoolZ' arm! He slams RBI harshly into the canvas and begins ripping on him with a stiff arm wrench!

Hanson: Nice move by Roberts, but BoolZ still has one free arm and he uses it to reach the ropes. Think the Red Bull gave him the energy to do that?!

Vinegar: Either that or intense work out sessions. Now both men are back to their feet and lock up once again. BoolZ scores with a snapmare and follows up with a kick to the spine of The Headliner, before finishing up with a dropkick to the head! This BoolZ is one fast customer!

Hanson: I'm telling you, those cans are laced with more than just Red Bull, if you get my drift.

Vinegar: Knock it off! Roberts has been laid out on the mat, but he climbs back up to a sitting position and is resting in the corner. BoolZ goes on the attack and looks for a running knee strike! But The Headliner rolls to safety at the last second and RBI smashes his knee into the second turnbuckle!

Hanson: The Blessed One was playing possum and now he's in the perfect position to strike! He smashes a foot into the back of that knee that BoolZ just knocked and sends RBI to his knees. He's great, don't you think, Nick?!

Vinegar: Both these men are certainly terrific athletes and no one can deny that. And now Roberts is back up and grabs BoolZ from behind. He pulls RBI up and levels him with a belly-to-back suplex!

Hanson: And now he's stomping away at that leg, Nick. Travis Roberts is a genius. BoolZ can't make use of that high flying offence if his knee is out!

Vinegar: A fact Travis Roberts is all too aware of, I'm sure. Now he drops a falling elbow across BoolZ knee and The Red Bull Icon is clearly in a heck of a lot of pain here.

Hanson: And now The Headliner is taking some time to acknowledge his fans. Look, he's flirting with a woman in the front row! He's a giver, I tell ya!

Vinegar: Just lovely. Getting back to the match, Roberts turns back to BoolZ, WHO ROLLS THE BLESSED ONE INTO A SMALL PACKAGE!!! ONE!!! TWO!!! THRE - ROBERTS KICKS OUT!!!

Hanson: He was caught off guard! That was way too close!

Vinegar: Roberts is in shock, as BoolZ gets back to his feet! But The Headliner comes to his senses, grabs RBI and jars his hurting leg into the canvas with a harsh shin breaker!!

Hanson: Hehe. BoolZ doesn't look too good, Nick. He's rolling around the ring and groaning in agony. His leg is clearly in a lot of pain.

Vinegar: You just put Captain Obvious to shame, as BoolZ now uses the ropes to pull himself up. Roberts advances, but BoolZ grabs the top rope for support and throws both his legs into the air! He wraps his calves around Robert's face and uses The Blessed One as an anchor to swing himself around the ring!!! GIGANTIC head scissors sends The Headliner bouncing across the ring like a rubber ball!!

Hanson: No way! How does BoolZ do this stuff?!

Vinegar: With incredible skill, as he fights through the pain and forces himself back up. Roberts is also recovering, until RBI grabs him and plants him with the Sobering Thoughts!!

Hanson: And he made sure to drop Roberts on his good leg! As much as I hate to admit it, that was a smart move.

Vinegar: BoolZ isn't done just yet though! He's climbing to the top rope!!

Hanson: His last move may have been intelligent, but this one certainly isn't! Now's the time to strike, Roberts!!

Vinegar: The Headliner is getting back to his feet, BUT IT'S TOO LATE!! BOOLZ WITH THE STARGAZER!!! BUT ROBERTS THROWS HIS WHOLE BODY INTO A GIANT BOOT AND SMASHES RBI'S INJURED KNEE WHILE HE'S STILL IN THE AIR!!! BOOLZ CRASHES AND BURNS AND EATS THE MAT!!!

Hanson: I told you! He got caught up in the excitement of these fans and he paid the price for it!

Vinegar: Just like Roberts before him. Speaking of which, The Headliner grabs BoolZ injured leg, pulls it into the air and BAM! Slams it violently into the canvas!! BoolZ is yelling out in agony here! There's no way BoolZ will give up, but I don't know how much more of this he'll be able to withstand!

Hanson: It may just be academic from here. Wanna take bets on how long BoolZ can last? I pick 'not long'. HA!

Vinegar: I don't understand how you can find so much amusement out of it. But regardless, Roberts seems to think he has this match won. He's waving to the fans, clearly not having learned his lesson from the last time!

Hanson: He knows exactly what's happening. Look, BoolZ is trying to get up, but The Headliner already has him scouted!

Vinegar: And a sick kick into BoolZ' knee sends him right back down to the mat. Roberts can't contain his smile, as he pulls BoolZ up by the hair. HE'S LOOKING FOR THE WHITE OUT!!! HE LIFTS BOOLZ UP, BUT RBI BREAKS OUT IN MIDAIR AND COUNTERS INTO A HURRICARANA WITH A PIN!!!

Hanson: WHAT?! HOW'D HE DO THAT?!?!?!

Vinegar: ONE! TWO! THRE - ROBERTS KICKS OUT AND HE CAN'T BELIEVE HOW CLOSE HE JUST CAME TO DEFEAT!!!

Hanson: No one can! The entire arena, including me, is in shock! But BoolZ is already up to his feet!

Vinegar: And Roberts hasn't noticed! He turns to face Boolz AND COPS A DISCOMBOOLZALATOR - NO!!! ROBERTS TRIPS BOOLZ' INJURED LEG!!!

Hanson: HA! That move failed just as badly as it's name!!

Vinegar: YOU'RE WRONG! AS BOOLZ GOES PLUMETTING TO THE MAT, HE SWINGS HIS FEET INTO THE AIR AND SMASHES A KICK INTO THE BACK OF ROBERTS' SKULL!!! UP AND UNDER AND THE BLESSED ONE HAS BEEN SENT TUMBLING FORWARDS INTO THE ROPES!!! AS HE COMES BACK, BOOLZ WITH A SCHOOLBOY ROLLUP!!! ONE!! TWO!!!! THREE!!!!!!!!

Hanson: ARGH!!!

Dennis: Your winner via pinfall... RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRANDY BOOOOOOOOOOOOLZIAN!!!

Vinegar: BoolZ' undefeated streak continues, while Roberts' has come to a crashing end!!

Hanson: And it was so quick! No way could that have been an entire three sec -

Here we are,

We've come so far,

Fine romance,

Steppin' out... to dance!

Hanson: OH NO! YOU KNOW WHO THIS IS?!

Vinegar: Indeed I do. That's the theme music of our most esteemed acting general manager, Cara Costello -

Hanson: Miss Costello!!

Vinegar: It's the same fucking thing! And here she is coming down the ramp with Savage, who's obviously here to be her protection. She has a microphone in her hands and is entering the ring via the steel steps. BoolZ is sitting in the corner, while Roberts is impatiently staring the GM down.

Cara: Travis, Travis, Travis... you lost!

Hanson: Ain't no denying it.

Cara: You know what that makes you? It makes you a loser, Travis. And here I was thinking you were a winner. Gosh, I can be, like, so silly sometimes, y'know?!

Vinegar: There's no need to be rude about it, but then again, I wouldn't really expect anything less from that harlot.

Hanson: NICK! SHOW SOME RESPECT FOR YOUR SUPERIORS!

Vinegar: You never give me any.

Cara: But you can be a winner, Travis. I know you can! All you have to do... is joins us. We'll take you to the top! No more curtain jerking, no more losing, no more being unknown! You just have to accept and take... BoolZ... out!!!

Vinegar: BoolZ is back to his feet now, but still clutching his knee. Roberts looks from Cara to his opponent. What is he thinking? He looks back at Cara... and nods!!! BAM!!! HE PLANTS BOOLZ WITH THE WHITE OUT!!! DAMMIT, THE MATCH IS OVER!!!

Hanson: YEAH! He made the right choice!

Cara: Alright, Travis! I knew you'd -

Vinegar: Roberts just snatched the mic from Cara! He has something to say here and does he look intense or what?!

Roberts: The Blessed One has decided... that you can all go straight to hell!!!

Vinegar: MY GOD!!! ROBERTS JUST LEVELLED SAVAGE WITH THE WHITE OUT AND THESE FANS ARE GOING NUTS!!!! ROBERTS HAS TURNED HIS BACK ON GLOBAL DOMINATION!!!

Hanson: I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS! THAT MAN IS A MORON!

Vinegar: Roberts is heading backstage to a TREMENDOUS ovation and Cara Costello has been left dumbfounded in the middle of the ring!! This has not gone how she planned!!!

Hanson: And now Travis Roberts is a marked man!

Randy Boolzian: 3
Travis Roberts: 2

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Some traditional Japanese music begins playing and the United Center instantly fills with boos in preparation for the arrival of Aragato. Mr. Deathmatch emerges from the curtains, strapped with his harness of kendo sticks.

Dennis: The following match is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, representing Global Domination, from Kyoto, Japan and weighing 215 pounds, Mr. Deathmatch... ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATO!!!!

Vinegar: Aragato entering the ring here and removing that infamous harness of kendo sticks. Some of GIW's finest have felt the wrath of those weapons, but hopefully Dylan James won't be one of them.

Hanson: You're so biased, it's sickening.

Vinegar: I only say that because I want a clean match. Although with Global Domination involved, that's isn't too likely to happen!

"Of Wolf And Man" smashes into play and a loud cheer greets Dylan James and Christina Adams.

Dennis: And the opponent, being accompanied by Christina Adams, from Detroit, Michigan and weighing 240 pounds... DYLAAAAAAAAAAAAAN JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMES!!!

Vinegar: James wasting no time! He gives a quick glance to Adams and then dashes down the ramp and slides into the ring!! He's eager for some revenge, as Aragato swings a right hand! But James blocks it and lays some fists of his own into Mr. Deathmatch's face! James whips him to the ropes, but Aragato counters AND PULLS JAMES RIGHT INTO A HUGE HURRICARANA!

Hanson: Ha! Mr. Deathmatch is too fast for anyone to keep up with!

Vinegar: Aragato is certainly the faster of the two, but James has the size and strength advantage. Now Aragato is back on the attack and leaps onto the second rope, while DJ climbs back to his feet! Aragato comes soaring with a springboard DDT, BUT DJ CONNECTS WITH AN ENZIGURI WHILE ARAGATO IS IN MIDAIR!!! MR. DEATHMATCH JUST GOT LAID OUT!!

Hanson: What?! That's not supposed to happen! Mr. Deathmatch is faster than anyone! He's like lightning! Explosive and unstoppable!!

Vinegar: DJ disagrees, as he comes flying at Aragato with a springboard moonsault!!! But Mr. Deathmatch rolls out of the way and James eats the mat! Aragato is poised and stalking the recovering DJ! James is up and as soon as he turns around he's going to - YES! ARAGATO SCORES WITH A BIG ROUNDHOUSE KICK!!

Hanson: And James goes bouncing into the ropes, but as he comes back Aragato with a spinning wheel kick!!

Vinegar: NO! James ducks, but Aragato lands on his feet behind DJ! Hardcore turns around and receives a standing shining wizard!!! Unbelievable athleticism from Aragato, who MAKES THE COVER!! ONE! TWO! TH - KICK OUT!!!

Hanson: But Aragato's bag of tricks is far from empty! He's climbing to the top rope!!

Vinegar: But DJ is one step ahead! He scrambles to his knees and starts shaking the top rope! Aragato is losing his balance and is forced to jump back down to the canvas, WHERE JAMES TAKES HIM OUT WITH A SPEAR INTO THE CORNER!!!

Hanson: ARGH!

Vinegar: Brilliant foresight by James, who now takes Aragato down with a reverse STO! NOW JAMES MAKES THE COVER! ONE! TWO! THR - MR. DEATHMATCH KICKS OUT!!

Hanson: James saying 'anything you can do, I can do better', but we'll see if that actually holds true! Aragato is the craziest mo fo I've ever seen!

Vinegar: I can't argue there, as Dylan pulls the smaller half of Hiroshima back to his feet. He's looking for a belly-to-belly suplex, but Aragato has a different idea! He breaks free and smashes some cracking knife hand chops into DJ's chest! Hardcore is forced into the corner and Aragato instantly whips him to the opposite one at insane speeds!!

Hanson: DJ hits the corner fast! Maybe I was wrong. It looks like James can match Aragato's speed! HA!

Vinegar: James is forcing himself back up, but Aragato is ready! He's hunched over and prepared to spring into motion at any second AND HE DOES! Aragato charges at James, as the hardcore one is back up, AND LOOKS FOR THE CRASH LANDING!!! BUT JAMES EVADES AND ARAGATO EATS THE CANVAS!

Hanson: It looked more like he stumbled out of the way without even realising what was happening! Unbelievable!

Vinegar: But he's quick to capitalise and sends the now vertical Aragato smashing into the corner with a GIANT dropkick! Now Hardcore dragging Aragato to the middle of the ring by the face AND HE'S LOOKING FOR THE X MARKS THE SPOT!! NO!! MR. DEATHMATCH FLIPS DJ RIGHT OVER HIS HEAD AND SENDS THE STRAIGHT EDGE SUPERSTAR CRASHING TO THE MAT!!!

Hanson: DJ may have gotten lucky and avoided the Crash Landing, but Aragato actually reversed the X Marks The Spot! That's why Mr. Deathmatch rawks!!

Vinegar: Now Aragato is racing off the ropes, as DJ makes his way back to his feet! Mr. Deathmatch looks for a super fast spinning wheel kick, but DJ ducks! He grabs Aragato from behind and looks for a German suplex! But Aragato breaks free and with lightning speed hits a REVERSE DROPKICK?!?!?!

Hanson: THAT DEFIES ALL LAWS OF PHYSICS!!!

Vinegar: Indeed and it was so damn fast! Too fast in fact, as Peterson didn't have time to get out of the way and James went crashing into him!!

Hanson: I still can't believe that dropkick! Aragato jumped and had his front side facing the canvas, as he delivered that dropkick! It was nuts!!

Vinegar: No doubt that Mr. Deathmatch is capable of some incredible feats, as he now looks from the motionless Peterson to the outside. He must be thinking about that harness of kendo sticks!!!

Hanson: But Adams is on the apron and screaming obscenities at him! Stay out of this, you silly bitch!

Vinegar: DANIEL! Now Aragato is slowly stalking his way towards Adams who seems to have just realised that she could be in real trouble here! But James from behind this time levels Aragato with that German suplex!!!

Hanson: BUT LOOK AT THIS! NATHANIEL GREGORY IN THE RING AND TURNS DJ INSIDE OUT WITH A GIANT CLOTHESLINE!!! PAYBACK'S A BITCH!!!

Vinegar: Dammit, this is nothing, but a mugging! And now Gregory is helping Aragato up, WHO BLASTS HIM WITH THE OBSIDIAN SCOURGE!!! HE MUST HAVE THOUGHT IT WAS JAMES, BUT HAS BLINDED A MAN WHO WAS TRYING TO HELP HIM INSTEAD!!!

Hanson: And look at Aragato's face! He just looks perplexed. I don't think he even knows who Gregory is!!

Vinegar: BUT THE DISTRACTION IS ALL JAMES NEEDS!! HE GRABS ARAGATO AND CONNECTS WITH THE J-5!!!! HE COVERS AND PETERSON HAS NOW COME TO!!! ONE!!! TWO!!!! THREE!!!!! IT'S OVER!!!! DYLAN JAMES HAS WON HIS PAY-PER-VIEW DEBUT!!!!

Dennis: Your winner, via pinfall... DYLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMES!!!!!

Hanson: I don't believe this!!

Vinegar: Global Domination has lost their very first Pay-Pew-View match, as James climbs to the top rope and raises his arms into an X. These fans are solidly behind him and this kid definitely has a bright future here in GIW!

Hanson: Not if GD have anything to say about. He's going to be a marked man because of this!

Vinegar: And speaking of GD, does this interference mean that Gregory, and hence Sean Jensen, are now aligned with the stable or was the big man just looking for some revenge?!

Hanson: I'm sure we'll find out soon enough, Nick!

Dylan James: 3
Aragato: 0

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Dennis: This bout is set for one fall, and it is for, THE GIW WOMEN’S CHAMPIONSHIP! Introducing first, the challenger...

Suddenly, Haunted by Evanescence hits the arena and Desmona crawls onto the stage from the back, stands up, smiles and begins walking down the ramp.

Dennis: Currently residing in Hartford, Connecticut, CAAAAAAALYPSOOOOOOO...DESSSSSSMONAAAAAAAA!!!!!

She enters the ring, and looks around before the arena turns black. The lights go out to a variety of eerie sounds and notes. Images like angels begin to fly around the arena, but after a moment the angels become demons flying around into the audience. The lights come back up, and the champ appears in her prayer stance on one knee in the middle of the ring. She stands up and removes her cloak and Title belt.

Dennis: And introducing, from The Pit, the GIW WOMEN'S CHAMPION... MIIIIISERYYYYY!!!

Vinegar: And here we go, the women’s title on the line, those two bitc-

Hansom: HEY, watch your mouth about these two lovely women. Call the damn match.

Vinegar: FINE!! Both Desmona and Misery into a collar and elbow tie up, pushing at each other position, and there’s a rake of the eyes by Misery. She yells at Desmona to just go down, and OH!! OPEN HAND SLAP BY DESMONA, RIGHT TO THE CHEEK OF MISERY!!

Hanson: WOOT, THIS SHIT IS ON NOW!!

Vinegar: And these ladies are supposed to be allies! So much for that! Another collar and elbow tie up and now a rake to the eyes by Desmona!! Misery pulling away, and here comes Desmona, NO!! HUGE CLOSED HANDED PUNCH TO DESMONA’S NOSE, AND THERES BLOOD!!

Hanson: CALL THE MATCH, THIS ISN’T FAIR!!

Vinegar: No, Desmona has told the ref she’ll continue, so she will. Now, Misery takes control, she throws Desmona down to the match, and OW, theres a kick to the side by Misery, COVER!!

One…

Tw-

And no, Desmona kicks out. Now, Misery picking her up, HUGE scoop slam by Misery. Now an elbow drop on Desmona, and this looks like it’s going to be over fast. Misery picks Desmona up again, and WOW, picture perfect DDT. Theres the cover…

One…

Two…

Thr-

Vinegar: NO!! DESMONA KICKS OUT!!

Hanson: Desmona is putting up quite the fight here. She won’t quit.

Vinegar: Now Misery has Desmona in a rear chin lock, she’s really putting pressure into that hold and now Desmona is fading, but she’s trying to fight back. She’s desperately trying to fight back! There's an elbow to Misery, another one, DESMONA’S FREE!! SHE HITS THE ROPES, NO!! MISERY WITH A HUGE CLOTHESLINE TO DESMONA!!!

Hanson: Just when it looks like she has a chance, Misery takes it all away.

Vinegar: And now, Misery continues to beat her down, she’s kicking away like no tomorrow and she picks Desmona up. OH MY GOD!! VICIOUS BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX FROM MISERY!! Here’s a cover:

ONE…

TWO…

THRE -

Vinegar: OH MY FUCKING GOD, DESMONA KICKED OUT AGAIN!!!

Hanson: HEY, YOU CAN’T FUCKING SAY FUCK YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!!! WE’RE ON FUCKING TV!!!

Vinegar: O.o

Hanson: I apologize.

Vinegar: You better and Misery is bitterly arguing with the referee. She’s not going to get the win like this, so she turns back to Desmona, and here we go, Misery calling for The Drop in the Pit, she has Desmona up, it’s done - NO!!! DESMONA REVERSES, SHE RUNS OFF THE ROPES AND THERE'S A DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE!!! BOTH WOMEN ARE DOWN!!!

Hanson: Man, this is sick.

Vinegar: Now, both women getting up. Desmona up first, she runs at Misery, THERE'S A CLOTHESLINE, SHE WAITS FOR MISERY TO GET UP, THERE'S ANOTHER CLOTHESLINE, ONE MORE TIME, NOW THERE'S A SHOULDER BLOCK BY DESMONA!!

Hanson: Come on Calypso, you can do this!

Vinegar: Here comes Desmona! Here’s the cover:

ONE…

TWO…

THRE-

Vinegar: MY GOD, MISERY KICKED OUT!! Desmona though not wasting any time, THIS IS IT!!! A KISS BY CHAOS!!! DESMONA IS GOING TO…NO, MISERY REVERSES OUT OF IT, SHE GOES FOR A PUNCH, DESMONA BLOCKS!! DESMONA GETS THE HEAD, OMGWTFZORZ!!! A KISS FROM CHAOS, IT’S OVER!!! COVER!!

ONE…

TWO…

THRE-

Vinegar: NO!! MY GOD, I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS, MISERY KICKED OUT!! DESMONA IS SHOCKED, I’M SHOCKED!!! NOW, DESMONA, PICKING UP MISERY, NO, THERE’S A KICK TO THE MIDSECTION BY MISERY, SHE HAS DESMONA UP FOR THE DROP INTO THE PIT!!! SHE HITS IT, IT’S DONE!! COVER:

ONE…

TWO…

THREE!!

DING! DING! DING!!

Dennis: Your winner and STILL GIW WOMEN’S CHAMPION... MISERRRRRRRRRRRRY!!!!!

Vinegar: Damn, I can’t believe it! Misery has retained the Women’s Title. What a fucking match?! Desmona should be applauded for her tenacity, but in the end, she just couldn’t pull it out.

Hanson: Just... wow, your right for once, what an amazing match.

Vinegar: But what kind of strain will it have on Global Domination?!

Misery: 4
Calypso Desmona: 1

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

The crowd is buzzing with excitement in anticipation for Jack Ryans vs. Komosube. Without warning, the arena turns pitch black, causing the fans to grow even more excited.

Hanson: Those Jensen fans are at it again.

Vinegar: Could just be a power malfunction...

Hanson: You really have zero confidence in Ms. Costello's abilities, don't you?!

Vinegar: Yup. And who's hand is that on my thigh?

Ace: ****.

The world is a vampire...

The crowd freaks out and massive pops all around.

Sent to drai-i-ai-ain...

Hanson: NO WAY!

Secret destroyers hold you up to the flame...

Vinegar: IT'S ANDY SAVANA'S THEME MUSIC! HE'S BACK, DAN!!!

Hanson: I KNOW WHAT IT IS! IT'S A DAMN DISGRACE!

Without warning, the music changes and “Why Can’t We Be Friends” by Smashmouth starts to play. A groan of disapproval emanates around the arena, as McSkinny trips out from behind the curtain. He seems jittery but runs down the ramp into the ring. Someone tosses him a mike, he doesn’t catch it. In his attempts to pick it up, he accidentally kicks it across the ring. After a minute of kicking it around the canvas, he picks up the object.

Skinny: HI YOU GUYS!!!!!

The unanimous boos is loud enough to be heard for miles.

Hanson: On the bright side, a Skinny appearance is still better than a Savana appearance!

Vinegar: I have to disagree...

Skinny: CIRA GEV ME A REEEEEEEEEEEEAL IMPORTEN MISSEEN YOU GUYS!!!! SHEE SED EET WAZ MY DUTEE TO TELL ELL OF YOOOOU THET ENDY SEVENA HEZ BEEN FIREEEED!!!!

The boos become infinitely louder.

Skinny: SO I CEME OUT TOOO TEEELL YOOOU ELL, BUT I HEET THE WRONG BUTTEEN END PLAYED ENDY'S MUSEEC BY MEESTAKE!!! SO YOU GUYS...

Hanson: I think you may be right after all, Nick...

Skinny: ...I'M SORREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Hanson: Nope, you're definetely right.

The boos intensify still.

Skinny: IT'S OKEE THOUGH! 'CAUSE WE STEEL HEVE GOOOD MEMOREES LIKE WHEN DECLEEN BEAT ENDY... TWICE!!!!

Hanson: Well, he does a point there.

Vinegar: Sometimes you're head is so far up Declan's ass I can't even tell where he stops and you begin.

Hanson: I start when Cara stops kissing.

Hanson sheds a single tear, as the arena turns a deep red. Everyone is puzzled as to what is happening. The red light reveals several unknown white blotches on Skinny's face...

Even though- I- know...

I suppose I’ll show...

All my cool and cold...

LIKE OLD JOB!!!!!

McSkinny is overcome with panic. He is running from one side of the ring to the other. Suddenly, a circle of fireworks on the stage explode. A fan at the top of the arena sucks up the smoke in the form of a tornado. It looks as if a tornado formed on the ground and worked its way up to the ceiling.

DESPITE ALL MY RAGE, I AM STILL JUST A RAT IN A CAGE!!!!!!

Vinegar: WHAT IS THIS?!?!

Hanson: Did Obese Tony hit the music button this time?!

Suddenly, the tornado explodes into nothing. In the circle where the fireworks first exploded is Andy Savana. The crowd is massively popping at the sight of him. McSkinny is in the ring freaking out. Savana starts walking down to the ring.

Vinegar: ANDY SAVANA IS HERE!!!

Hanson: NO! SKINNY SAID HE WAS FIRED!!!

Vinegar: EITHER SKINNY WAS WRONG OR ANDY SAVANA JUST DOESN'T CARE!!!

Skinny: YOU'RE FIREED, ENDY!! YOOU NOT ALLOWEED HERE!!

Savana walks up the steps and into the ring. A mike is tossed to him. He slowly puts it up to his mouth. As the mike gets closer, McSkinny begins sweating profusely.

Skinny: NAH UH UH!!! TURN OFF HEEZ MEECRIPHONE -

Savana: McSkinny...

Massive pops.

Savana: You know they aren’t listening to you. Just like I’m not listening to you. Just like every other person in the world is not listening to you. I'm back McSkinny and I thought you would be excited. I thought, of all people, you would be just sitting in the middle of the ring waiting to welcome me back to G-I-W!!!!!!!!

Pop. McSkinny takes a gulp.

Skinny: I -

Savana motions for him to be quite.

Savana: I guess I didn’t get that warm response back that I hoped for. It’s been a couple of months since this company has last seen me. Shame, but that’s alright. It’s Toxic Intent and I'm in the mood for a match.

Crowd: SKINNY! SKINNY! SKINNY!

Savana: I think the crowd has spoken.

McSkinny tosses out the microphone from his hand and attempts to bitch slap Savana. Savana is too quick and ducks his arm and sets up for, Schitzic Death Treatment. He lifts McSkinny high up into the air and comes down hard. A bell rings. Savana covers.

Vinegar: MY GOD, SAVANA JUST PLANTED SKINNY WITH THAT ROCK BOTTOM-LIKE MANOEUVRE!!!

Hanson: DA SKINNY ONE HAS BEEN OBLITERATED!!!

Crowd: ONE! TWO! THREE!!!

The bell rings again. Savana stands up and pops his neck.

Vinegar: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THERE YOU HAVE IT!!! SAVANA IS BACK IN GIW AND IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME!!!

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

The opening chords of “Paint it Black” by The Rolling Stones fill the arena, many fans rise to their feet is expectance of the next superstar.

Dennis: The next match is scheduled for one fall, introducing first, currently residing in Langley Virginia, weighing in at 240 pounds, he is The Watchman... JAAAAAAAACK RYAAAAAANS!

Vinegar: Listen to those fans Dan. Ryans is taking his time to shakes hands with as many people as possible. The Watchman has only been with the company a short while be he has made an instant impact on these fans.

Hanson: It just goes to show they have no taste. Who the hell does Ryans think he is? Coming into GIW, bad mouthing the legendary Declan Prescott, whilst he lies in critical condition? No less the man’s a coward, he knew Declan couldn’t get to him so he starts talking crap!

Vinegar: Well it’s clear that Cara heard those words loud and clear, this is his second outing against one of the Global Domination boys, she’ll be hoping Komosube can do what Savage didn’t do and teach this guy a lesson, but things haven‘t exactly gone ‘right’ for Global Domination so far this evening. Added to the fact that Ryans will be determined to improve on his debut win, with a win here on his GIW Pay-Per-View debut.

Hanson: Fat chance.

“Endless Song” echoes around the United Center. The fans rise to their feet and boo in unison.

Vinegar: Speaking of fat...

Hanson: Do you have no honour? Komosube is a fine athlete and warrior! I bet you wouldn’t call him fat to his face, because you’re a coward!

Vinegar: Can we just call the match? Both competitors are in the ring. Hazel East has called them both to the middle of the canvas, she’s telling them she wants a clean fair fight. What the Hell?! Komosube just lifted Hazel East up, and moved her out of the way. Now he and Ryans are nose tip to nose tip! They’re having a heated discussion.

Hanson: I’d imagine that Ryans, being in the CIA, is one of a select few in GIW, myself included, who understands Japanese.

Vinegar: Oh please! You don’t know Japanese, just like you’re not black! Anyway, they seem to have plenty to say to one another and Komosube has struck first! He didn’t let Ryans finish what he was saying and Ryans launches a right hand of his own! Both these guys are just beating the hell out of one another!!

Hanson: I’d say Komosube has the upper hand and now he’s sent Ryans to the ropes, Big Boot to Ryans’ face and a standing splash!

Vinegar: NO! Ryans telegraphs that and rolls out of the way, climbs to his feet and waits for the big man to get to his. Komosube is up, Ryans against the ropes with a SWINGING NECK BREAKER! Komosube is down! Ryans goes for the cover! ONE! T - NO! The Big Man from Japan just throws The Watchman off of him and gathers himself to his feet. Ryans springs up, and both men stare each other down! This is intense!

Hanson: Ha! Ryans dossier isn’t that comprehensive, if he thought a simple neck breaker would keep this half of Hiroshima down! And now they lock up, Komosube with a knee to Ryans’ gut, grabs him SUPLEX TO FRONT SLAM! Ryans is crushed under Komosube’s gigantic frame. Now Komosube brings The Watchman to his feet, and whips him into the turnbuckle.

Vinegar: Komo charges towards Jack, Ryans is aware and spins out of the way, the big man crashes into the turnbuckle, he’s stunned but still on his feet. Ryans jumps onto the top turnbuckle, Komo staggers to face him, Ryans grabs his head and SPINNING DDT FROM THE TOP ROPE!!! He’s climbing to the top rope again, Komosube drags his massive frame to his feet. FLYING ELB -

Hanson: NO WAY JOSE! Komosube has just plucked him out of the air and now he has applied a bear hug! Ryans face is distorted!

Vinegar: It’s gonna take a lot to get Ryans to quit. He’s trained to resist torture methods and now he’s grabbed the ropes. Hazel East is telling Komo to break the hold!

Hanson: HA HA HA! He just took one arm from Ryans and plucked Hazel East out of the way and now with both hands he drags Ryans from the ropes!

Vinegar: He’s determined to squeeze the life out of Ryans, and he’ll go to any lengths to do so, but listen to the crowd. They are 100% Behind Ryans!

Crowd: USA! USA! USA! USA!

Hanson: It’s futile, though. Ryans is slumped over Komosubes shoulder, he may not quit, but he can pass out. Hazel East takes his arm and holds it up and it drops. ONE! Raised and drops. TWO! This is it, Nick! Raised and dro -

Vinegar: NO! The fans have increased in volume, the stadium is almost shaking with their excitement, Ryans has been energised and his arm remains up!! He plants it into the big man’s face! Once, twice, thrice! And finally Komosube has broken the hold!

Hanson: But Ryans is beat! It’s only a matter of time now. Komosube sends him to the ropes again.

Vinegar: Ryans motions to the crowd mid run and hits the COVERT OPS!!! And Komosube crashes to the ground like a giant redwood at the ring shake! He grabs Komosube’s legs and he’s going for the Martyr to the Masses! Ryans adapted figure four leg lock and Komosube is fighting back, but Ryans looks like he might get there! WHAT THE HELL?! ARAGATO IS IN THE RING! SPINNING WHEEL KICK TO THE BACK OF RYANS HEAD! How did East not see it?

Hanson: She was doing her job and concentrating on Ryans attempts to lock in the move in case he tried anything underhanded! Really, she was doing the right thing.

Vinegar: Aragato gets Ryans to his feet, but Ryans with a blow to the gut! Komosube is still down, Ryans Hits LAW AND ORDER! The triple fisherman suplex, but he’s not finished yet! He hoists Aragato into the air again and JUSTICE SERVED!!! And Ryans is shouting at Aragato that that’s what you get when you try and break the rules!!

Hanson: Komo is up and Ryans has noticed him. He turns Ryans around by the shoulder. Kick to the midsection AND KAMIKAZE SMASHER! AND THE COVER! ONE!! TWO!! THREE!!!!!!!! Ryans loses and Komosube wins!!!

Vinegar: Jack Ryans got distracted by protecting the rules, and it’s cost him, but who can blame him for taking Aragato out of the equation?! He came so close to beating the Goliath that is Komosube.

Hanson: But not close enough, Hiroshima leave the ring very happy with themselves.

Dennis: Here is your winner, by pinfall... KOOOOMOOOOSUBEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Vinegar: Ryans gets to his feet, he’s shaking his head and kicks the bottom rope. The Watchman doesn’t like losing and I’m sure he’ll have a few things to say, but listen to the crowd Hanson. Just listen to them, they are cheering him on as if he won. And Ryans acknowledges their support and waves to each side of the ring. I’m certain this isn’t the last time we’ll see The Watchman in a GIW Pay-Per-View and I’m sure he won’t get as easily distracted next time!

Hanson: Who cares? He lost! We should be talking about Komosube, the man’s a monster. He’s got straight wins over the Global Champion and GIW”s supposed ‘first huge star’! Who the hell can stop this guy?!

Vinegar: I’m not denying that. I can’t wait to see these two guys go at it again, though! That was a fantastic match!

Komosube: 2
Jack Ryans: 0

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

“Immortal” blares across the United Center PA, and Donovan Hastings emerges beneath The Globatron.

Dennis: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is for the GIW HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP!!! Introducing first, the challenger, currently residing in Hartford, Connecticut and weighing in at 230 pounds, The Lord of Pain... DOOOOOOOOOOONOVAN HASTINGS!

Hanson: And there he is ladies and gentlemen, on your TV screens right now, through the marvels of Pay-Per-View technology, you are looking at the NEXT GIW Hardcore Champion, Lord Hastings! This is where Global Domination’s night really kicks off.

Vinegar: Don’t be so sure, no-one’s managed to get that belt off Austin to date. He is the longest reigning champion in GIW history, this is not going to be an easy match for either opponent...

Hanson: I never said it would be easy, but Lord Hastings has it all, the elegance, the skill, the poise and balance, he’s the complete athlete. Whereas Chris Austin has many weaknesses, his ego, over confidence and probably syphilis...

Vinegar: Will you stop? I’ll agree that Lord Hastings has the ability to be a future champion, but don’t be so sure it will be tonight. You seem to be forgetting Chris Austin has had a lot of exposure to the Hardcore environment, whereas Lord Hastings is, primarily technician, he relies on holds, and submissions...I’m not sure how useful that’s going to be under these circumstances.

Hanson: It’s Inevitable, Nicky Boy! Lord Hastings will take this match...because he’s simply the better man!

“Turn Up The Trouble” hits and the fans rise in unison to catch a glimpse of the ‘King of Kama Sutra’ Chris Austin. Austin pauses momentarily underneath the video screen and looks towards Hastings in the ring...he points at Hastings, then motions to his belt, and then wags his finger in front of his face...

Vinegar: Austin’s letting Hastings know that belt isn’t going anywhere! Austin is determined to beat Hastings, and even more determined to keep that belt out of the clutches of Global Domination!

Hanson: It’s a terrible plight for the boy to be in, he’s powerless to stop the inevitable, Nick! If Global Domination want something, they’ll just go out and take it! You’ll see tonight...just sit back and watch them take their second Title!

Vinegar: Well both men are now in the ring, so it seems we’re gonna find out soon enough...

DING! DING!

Vinegar: This match is underway, and a Hastings charge towards Austin but Austin is ready for him and plants him on his back with a nicely executed hip toss. Hastings does a nip up and is back on his feet. The Lord sends Austin into the ropes, Shoulder Block from Austin and Hastings is on the floor again, but once again he nips up onto his feet. He sends Austin into the ropes a second time, this time he leapfrogs him on the return, he catches Austin on the way back for a hip…NO! Austin reverses it and sends Hastings to the floor with another Hip Toss…

Hanson: The Lord is merely testing the water, letting Austin do all the work right now. A shoulder block and two hip tosses aren’t gonna keep Lord Hastings down!

Vinegar: As he displays by nipping up once more...LOW BLOW! Hastings seems to have got annoyed and he’s gone downstairs. The Lord is already getting frustrated.

Hanson: Frustrated? This is a hardcore match Nick, that’s not frustration, that’s a legitimate move! And it doesn’t look like Austin is going to be up as quickly as the Lord.

Vinegar: You’re right about that, Austin stays down and Hastings grabs him by the hair and drags him to the turnbuckle - BOOM! He smashes Austin’s delicate face into the post. He then spins him around and delivers a Spine buster! He quickly jumps to the top rope and hits a flying clothesline! Austin is down again…

Hanson: You see?! Lord Hastings has this in control. That sex pest Chris Austin does not stand a chance tonight! He’s snapped on a figure four leg lock...it could be over right now!

Vinegar: The King of Kama Sutra is screaming in pain, Lord Hastings has the move slapped on perfectly. He’s showing his technical abilities here...Austin struggles to sit upwards...he stretches and gouges the Lords eyes, breaking the hold!

Hanson: That figures, not only is this guy a pervert, he’s also a cheat!

Vinegar: As you said yourself, this is a hardcore match and that is as legitimate a move as any other. Now Austin slides out of the ring and Hastings follows. Austin with a right hand to Hastings. The Lord repays the act with a left hand of his own, now these guys have got into a straight brawl on the outside!

Hanson: Austin knows he can’t beat Lord Hastings in the ring! He’s got no chance unless he takes this outside...

Vinegar: I don’t think that’s the case at all, seeing as Austin has a singles win over Hastings already. And now he’s ramming Hastings’ head against the guard rail - NO! Hastings grabs hold of the rail and slams Austin’s head against it! Austin falls to the floor and Hastings springboards onto the guard rail! MOONSAULT!!! Hastings connects!!!

Hanson: The Lord is back in control of this one, and it looks like he’s ready to take this hardcore! He’s jumped over the rail!!

Vinegar: THAT’S DISGRACEFUL! He’s just thrown a fan wearing a Chris Austin shirt to the floor…and now he’s stolen the guy’s chair! Who the hell does he think he is?! That fan paid good money to see his hero Chris Austin and now he’s been assaulted!

Hanson: Austin is back up! BOOM! Lord Hastings puts him back on the floor with the chair and he’s busted open! See Vinegar, he’s given the chair back to the fan now and he’s got an added memento of his hero’s blood! Lord Hastings is a man of the people! Now The Lord has thrown Austin back into the ring and drops a knee onto his face. Look at the blood Nick, look at Chris Austin bleeding like a pig! The Lord said this day was inevitable...

Vinegar: It’s not over yet, not by a long way...Hastings drags Austin to his feet, but Austin catches him with a kick to the midsection, he gets hold of his head…RUDE AWAKENEING! Austin sends Hastings down, and he goes for the cover!! ONE! TWO! NO!!! Hastings kicks out easily, and groggily raises to his feet, only to meet a Flying Back Elbow from the Swinging Superstar. He goes back down to the floor and Austin has gone under the ring! What’s he got? A table! Austin slides it into the ring and then sets it up against the corner! He pulls Donovan to his feet and whips him into the table, before running towards him and SOCAL GUTCHE -

Hanson: NO! LORD HASTINGS MOVED!!! Austin goes crashing through the table and into the turnbuckle!!! Hastings regains some sense of composure and looks down at Austin!!

Vinegar: Hastings still feeling the effects of the earlier onslaught from Austin. If Austin had hit the SoCal Gutcheck, this match would have been over…

Hanson: But he didn’t and it’s not! Now Austin is the one lying helpless on the mat, and Lord Hastings is laying the boot into him as we speak!

Vinegar: Hastings has climbed through the ropes and is standing on the Canvas...Austin is groggily getting to his feet...Hastings leans over and grabs him! OH MY SWEET 90 YEAR OLD GRANDMOTHER!!!

Hanson: DESTINY CALL’S FROM THE CANVAS TO THE OUTSIDE!!! What a move?!?!?! Austin is out!!! We’re about to see a new champion!!!!

Vinegar: I wouldn’t be so sure! Look at the replay from another angle...Hastings caught his leg on the rope on his way down and he’s fallen awkwardly upon it! Hastings trying to get to his feet, but he can barley stand! So he just falls onto Austin for the cover!!! ONE!!! TWO!!! THRE - NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AUSTIN JUST KICKS OUT!!!!!!!!!!

Hanson: SLOW COUNT! Lord Hastings just won the match right there! Owen Peterson just cost Lord Hastings the title!

Vinegar: Give it a rest! That was a perfectly legitimate count! Hastings struggles to his feet and it doesn’t look like he can put any pressure on his left leg...he’s basically hopping on the spot, but he’s grabbed a chair and he places it on Austin’s head! FALLING HEADBU - NO! Austin rolls out from under chair and BOOM! Hastings just rammed his own forehead into the chair on the arena floor!!! Now he too is busted open!!!

Hanson: Austin is back onto his feet, and he’s rolled Hastings back into the ring, and he slides the chair in after him! Lords Hastings gets to his feet, but Austin goes to swing the chair - HAHA! LORD HASTINGS WITH A DROPKICK! The chair has smashed into Austin’s face!

Vinegar: Both men are down now. I gotta say, I’m very surprised none of Hastings faction team mates have come to help him...

Hanson: Pffft! Lord Donovan Hastings doesn’t need help! Look he’s on his feet first! He’s signalling for The HANDS OF FATE! NO! NO! GOD NO!!!!

Vinegar: Austin with enough awareness to grab hold of The Lords injured leg…ROLL UP PIN OUT OF NOWHERE! ONE!!!! TWO!!!! THREEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hanson: THAT DIDN’T JUST HAPPEN?!?!?!

Vinegar: Yes it did! Global Domination will NOT be going home with every title tonight! Chris Austin has thwarted the Lord of Pain’s hopes and continues on his record making reign as Global Impact Wrestling’s Hardcore Champion! The crowd are going wild, as Austin climbs the turnbuckle and salutes them for their support...

Dennis: And your winner and STILL GIW HARDCORE CHAMPION... CHRRRRRRRIS AAAAUUUUSTIN!!!!

Vinegar: Austin successfully defends yet again, in what was a scintillating and absorbing match, thankfully free from outside interference. But we’ve still got the big one to come, can Brandon Brown overcome the obstacles put in his way! Cara won’t stand for another failure tonight, I can assure you of that...

Chris Austin: 4
Donovan Hastings: 2

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen, it is now time for your Toxic Intent MAIN EVENT! The match will be scheduled for one fall and it is for the GLOBAL HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP!!!

The fans begins cheering ecstatically. However, "Steppin' Out" smashes into play and their excitement turns to distain. Every member of the audience begins booing loudly, as Cara Costello makes her way onto the stage. She ignores the thousands of jeers and marches confidently down the ramp.

Dennis: Introducing the guest commentator for the match, representing Global Domination! Currently residing in Los Angeles, California, the acting general manager of Global Impact Wresting! CARRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAA COSTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLO!

Hanson: Here she comes, Nick! Jeez, what a night it's been and it's about to get so much better!

Vinegar: That's debatable. Although I have to admit that it will be nice to see the look on her face when Brandon Brown RETAINS his Championship!

Hanson: HA! Sometimes I wonder if you even know what you're talking about. MISS COSTELLO, YOU'RE HERE!!

Cara places a hand on Hanson's shoulder, while she takes her seat between the two announcers. She greets Vinegar with only a distasteful stare, before turning to Hanson and smiling broadly.

Cara: Please Danny, call me Cara. We're friends, after all.

Hanson: Awww yeeeeaaaahh!! How are you going, Cara?!

Cara: I'm just fine, thanks so much for asking. How about you?

Hanson: I'll be better once Brandon Brown gets what's coming to him!!

Cara: Awww yeeeeaaaahh!!

Vinegar: Didn't you say the same thing about Travis Roberts?

Cara: Just shut up! We will NOT be discussing that washed up chump change of a wrestler!!

"Amerika" now hits and both Cara and Hanson squeal with excitement. The fans, however, only begin booing unanimously. A pyro explodes on the stage, as Savage enters the arena and the sour reaction amongst the spectators only intensifies.

Dennis: And the special guest enforcer for the match, representing Global Domination! From Munic, Germany, The Last Aryan, The Brutal Enigma... SAVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE!!!!

Savage rolls into the ring and raises his arms in the air, only to be met with a chant of complete distain. Savage shakes his head cockily, before pointing to the fans with one hand, while drawing a finger across his throat with the other.

Hanson: There's the man who's been instructed to maintain order in this terrific match up!

Vinegar: HA! Order?! More like to make sure Deathman wins!

Cara: You know Nick, you better watch what you say! I don't appreciate these wild allegations!

Vinegar: The only 'wild' thing around here is you actually expecting people to believe you want a fair fight!

Cara: Nicholas Vinegar verse the newly crowned Global Heavyweight Champion, Lord Deathman, next week at Sentinel! How does that sound, huh?! Would you like that?!

Vinegar: Not particularly. I'd be lucky to survive the encounter, to be honest.

Cara: Then next time you think about opening your mouth... DON'T!

Vinegar: Of course, that is assuming that Deathman wins...

Cara: I SAID DON'T!

The arena suddenly turns pitch black and both Cara and Hanson squeal once more - this time in fright. Several eerie musical notes begin playing, while a barrage of holographic angels begin soaring around the United Center ceiling. There is a silent awe throughout the area, as every person stares mesmerised at the holy beings. Without warning, they suddenly transform into demons and begin blowing holographic fire in every direction.

Hanson: I'm scared! Cara, hold me!

Cara: Only if you hold me!!

The pair take a firm grip around each other, just as the lights return. They both casually dust themselves off, as if nothing happened, while Vinegar rolls his eyes in annoyance. In the ring, Lord Deathman kneels on the centre of the canvas.

Dennis: And the challenger, representing Global Domination! From The Underworld and weighing 370 pounds, The General Of Destruction... LOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRD DEATHMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!

Deathman rises to his feet, as Savage gives him a cheesy double thumbs up. Deathman shakes his head threateningly and points to the same turnbuckle where Savage bashed a chair over Big B Brown. Savage, obviously understanding the message, takes a step back and can clearly be seen saying 'we got this!' Deathman turns to the entrance way, as Savage wisely exits the ring.

Vinegar: Seems they're having issues already. I wonder if Savage will cost Deathman the match... again!

Cara: What did I tell you about speaking, grandpa?!

Vinegar: You're saying you don't want me to do my job?

Cara: Your job is tell to the fans at home what's happening in the ring! Nothing more!

Vinegar: That's what I was doi -

Hanson: Jeez, Nick, give it a rest! How daft can one guy be?!

Vinegar: Incredibly, it would seem.

"WHEN I GET HIGH, I GET HIGH ON SPEED!

TOP FUEL FUNNY CAR'S A DRUG FOR ME!

MY HEART! MY HEART!

KICKSTART MY HEART!"

Accompanying the familiar theme of "Kickstart My Heart", is an incredible cheer from every fan in the building. Brandon Brown leaps from the curtains, the Global Heavyweight Championship securely on his waist. He raises his arms in the air and spins on the spot several times, soaking in the massive adulation he is receiving.

Dennis: And the opponent, from Albion, Indiana and weighing 190 pounds, the GLOBAL HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION... BRRRRRRRRRRRRANDON BRRRRRRRRRRRRROWN!!!!

Cara: Sickening.

Hanson: Disgusting.

Vinegar: Greatness!

Cara and Hanson both roll their eyes in annoyance, as Brown slides into the ring. He leaps onto the nearest top turnbuckle and spends several moments taunting to the fans. He soon returns to the canvas and removes his Title belt, while facing his opponent the entire time.

Vinegar: Jeez, this is intense. These men despise each other! This match isn't going to be pretty, folks!

Cara: Not at all. It's going to be messy! Heck, by the time the match is over, they'll need tweezers to pick up all the pieces of Brandon!

Hanson: Absolutely! Lord D-Mike can't be stopped!!

Vinegar: Well remember, Brandon has a victory over Deathman in tag team action, as Glenn Burke raises the Title belt into the air.

Cara: Tag team? Tag team?! Why don't we talk about what's relevant?! You remember the score from Brandon's last singles match?!

Vinegar: I certainly do.

Cara: Then you'll know that it was Komosube and Global Domination standing over the wimp's broken body! Something no one has ever done apart from one man! You know who that is?!

Vinegar: I certainly do.

Cara: Declan Prescott, gramps! And don't you forget it! I side with winners and tonight, Deathman is winning the Global Title!

Vinegar: We'll just see, because the bell has rung! Both men are circling the ring and this match up that we've all been waiting for, for the last month is finally upon us! Who's going to make the first move?!

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Hanson: Lord Deathman is obviously the stronger of the two, but Brown has the speed advantage. Making the first attack is a dangerous move for both men!

Vinegar: Brown is risking it and he leaps at Deathman! Deathman swings a wild right first, but Brown leaps back! A feint attack! And now Deathman has lost his balance and Brown grabs that arm his opponent just swung! He torques it behind Deathman's back and is twisting without mercy!!

Cara: No! No! No!

Vinegar: Deathman in a lot of pain here, but not for long! He smashes a CLOBBERING elbow into Brown's face with his spare arm and sends the Champ crashing to the canvas!

Cara: Yes! Yes! Yes!

Hanson: And now Deathman has the clear advantage. Brown's in for a world of hurt!!

Vinegar: You may be right, as Brown is getting to his feet here. He's clutching his nose, but there doesn't seem to be any blood, so it's probably not broken. BAM!!!! Deathman just bashed a fist into the back of Brown's skull and sent him smashing face first into the mat!!

Hanson: If Brown can't find a way out of this, we may be witnessing the shortest Global Title match in history! Ha!

Cara: I couldn't think of a better way to end that false Champion's reign of terror!

Vinegar: What is it with you people? In fact, don't answer that. Deathman has pulled Brown to his feet and shoves him violently into the corner. The General seems to have some sinister intentions in mind, as he hoists Brandon onto the top rope.

Hanson: Now Lord Deathman himself is climbing up there! His offence hurts enough as it is, but this could DECIMATE Brandon!

Vinegar: Deathman with an ENORMOUS belly-to-belly from the TOP ROPE!!! BUT BROWN FLIPS THROUGH THE AIR AND LANDS ON HIS FEET!!!

Cara: Are you fucking kidding me?!

Vinegar: Deathman did more damage to himself than his opponent, then! The General back up now, but Brown with an enziguri out of nowhere sends him straight back down!!! And the Champ isn't wasting time here! He quickly locks in a camel clutch!!

Hanson: He's really wrenching Deathman here, but not for too long!!

Vinegar: Deathman is just too damn huge! He gets his palms firmly on the mat and pushes himself back to his feet, with Brown still holding onto him!! BANG!!! HE JUST DUMPED THE CHAMP OFF HIS BACK, OVER THE TOP ROPE AND PLUMMETING TO THE FLOOR BELOW!!!

Cara: Exactly what he deserves! Now he's had a taste of what Declan went through! But Lord Deathman is just getting started!

Hanson: Ha! Burke is already up to three and Brown has barely moved! Four! Five!

Vinegar: But now the Champ is starting to recover. He's pulling himself up via the apron and shaking the cobwebs from his head, as Burke reaches seven. Now Brown is back in the ring for round two!

Hanson: After Deathman kicked the crap out of him in round one!

Vinegar: More or less, but this match is still very much alive, as Deathman goes on the attack. He looks for a big boot, but Brown ducks! The Champ racing off the opposite ropes and coming back with a flying forearm! Deathman is unaffected!!!

Hanson: Ha! You're gonna have to do better than that, Brandon!

Cara: It doesn't matter what he does! Lord Deathman is going to DESTROY him!!

Vinegar: Deathman is actually laughing off Brown's latest attack! Brandon racing to the ropes and comes charging back a second time! This time a running dropkick into Deathman's stomach!! EXCELLENT manoeuvre by the Global Champion, bringing Deathman to his knees! Brown is quick to nip back up and scores with a second dropkick!! This time to Deathman's face!! The General has been laid out on the mat!! What were you saying, Cara?!

Cara: Just shut your damn mouth!! And that's Miss Costello to you!

Vinegar: Touchy, huh? Deathman must really be in trouble, as Brown drops a jumping elbow across his face!

Hanson: Please, Nick! Show some respect, would you?!

Vinegar: I give respect to anyone that has earned it!

Cara: !!!

Hanson: NICK!!

Vinegar: Now Brown drops a second jumping elbow! NO! Deathman catches his arm and hurls him across the ring!!! UNBELIEVABLE power from The General Of Destruction! And now Deathman sits up!!!

Cara: Hmph! You were saying, Nick?!

Vinegar: That both men are back to their feet now and that this is anybody's match! Brown runs at Deathman! Tornado DDT coming up - NO!! Deathman tosses Brown across the ring like a rag doll once more!! Brown lands gut first on the top rope! His upper half hanging inside the ring, while his lower half is outside it! BOOM!!! DEATHMAN KICKS THE CHAMP'S HEAD LIKE A SOCCER BALL AND SENDS HIM SOARING THROUGH THE AIR AND CRASHING INTO THE SAFETY BARRIER!!!

Hanson and Cara: AND IT'S A GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!!!!

Vinegar: Brown could be seriously injured!

Cara: I told you Lord Deathman was only getting started! By the time this match is over, Brandon is going to wish going though the Globatron was the worst thing that happened to him!!!

Vinegar: You may be right, as Deathman is now ripping away the padding from that top turnbuckle! Burke trying to tell him to stop, with little success! MEANWHILE SAVAGE IS STOMPING AWAY AT BROWN!!! GOD DAMMIT, I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN!!! 'MAINTAIN ORDER' MY ASS!!!

Cara: Your ass?! My ass, bucko!

Vinegar: What in the name of God are you talking about?! No! I don't even care!! Dammit, Deathman has joined Savage outside the ring, while Burke retightens that turnbuckle padding!! Now it's going to be a two man beat down!!

Cara: Kinky!

Hanson: You're wrong, Nick! Lord Deathman is telling Savage to back off! See! Lord Deathman wants to win this thing fair and square!

Vinegar: Or he's just afraid Savage will get him disqualified... again!!

Cara: You're really pissing me off, old man! Just call the match and spare as your ignorant musings!!

Vinegar: Do you have a dictionary between that cleavage or something?!

Cara: I'M NATURALLY SOPHISTICATED, YOU DISGUSTING PERVERT! NOW CALL THE DAMN MATCH!!

Vinegar: FINE! Deathman rolling the hurting Brown back into the ring and now entering himself! Deathman pulling Brown to his feet and I have to say that the Champ looks dazed here. He may have a concussion after that sick bump to the outside!

Cara: If he's lucky, that's all he'll have!

Hanson: Jeez Lord Deathman is smart! He's realised that Brown's head has been softened up and so he applies a vicious looking front face lock. His arms are like a vice! Too strong to ever escape!

Vinegar: And now Deathman turns the move into a sick looking DDT! Brown has been laid out AND DEATHMAN HOOKS THE LEG!!!

Cara: YEAH! ONE! TWO! THREE!!! YES, LORD DEATHMAN HAS WON!!! WE HAVE A NEW CHAMP -

Vinegar: What the hell is wrong with you?! That was barely a two count and you know it!

Cara: You're a liar! Are you calling me a liar, liar?!

Vinegar: Oh jeez...

Hanson: That damn Glenn Burke is saying it was two -

Vinegar: Because it was!

Hanson: You're delusional, Nick. And your pants are on fire!! LORD D-MIKE SHOULD BE CHAMP!

Vinegar: I think I'm just going to ignore the both of you. Deathman has pulled the lifeless Brandon up once more, knowing full well he has complete control of this match.

Cara: And of course it's going to stay that way!

Vinegar: I'm sure it will, if Savage has his way.

Cara: Grrr!

Vinegar: Deathman throws Brown into the corner like he was a rag doll! Now hoisting him up onto the top rope. This didn't work too well the last time The General tried it, but will he have better luck on take two?!

Cara: There was no luck involved! Brandon cheated last time!

Vinegar: You're just full of it, you know?! And now Deathman is climbing onto the second rope! Whatever he's got planned it's going to be bi - NO! Brown with some rapid-fire rights and lefts into The General's midsection. And now the Champ brings his knees up to his face and rolls off the top rope and lands feet first on the apron!!! But he grabbed Deathman's skull on the way down AND BRINGS THE GENERAL FACE FIRST INTO THE METAL RING POST!!! WHAT AN AMAZING, UNBELIEVABLE MOVE FROM BROWN?!?!?!

Hanson: I've never seen anything like that and now Lord Deathman is stumbling about on the canvas!! Blood is trickling down his chin! He's been busted open underneath that mask!!

Cara: Just what the hell does Brandon think he is?! A pin ball?! A monkey?!

Hanson: The lighting guys won't like that!

Vinegar: And now Brown leaps onto the top rope AND LEVELS DEATHMAN WITH A FALLING DDT!!!! BROWN HAS TAKEN HIS OFFENCE TO THE NEXT LEVEL HERE!!! HE'S HEADING BACK TO THE TOP ROPE AND CONNECTS WITH A MOONSAULT ON THE DOWNED CHALLENGER! COVER! COVER! COVER! ONE! TWO! THRE - DEATHMAN KICKS OUT!!!!

Cara: YES! HAHA, LORD DEATHMAN WILL NEVER BE STOPPED!!!

Vinegar: Brown isn't out of ideas just yet! Not by a long shot! HE'S CALLING FOR THE SUPERKICK!!!

Cara: STOP HIM, SAVAGE!!!

Vinegar: Burke is way ahead of you Cara and isn't taking his eyes off The Last Aryan! THERE'S NOTHING SAVAGE CAN DO!!! AND NOW BROWN WITH THE SUPERKICK, AS DEATHMAN IS BACK TO HIS FEET!!! HE CONNEC - NO!!! DEATHMAN SIDESTEPS AND BRINGS HIS ARM UP IN THE PROCESS, HOOKING BROWN WITH A GIANT CLOTHESLINE!!!

Hanson: Lord Deathman may be bloody and hurting, but he's still more than capable of laying the hurting on Brown!!

Vinegar: Now Deathman grabbing Brown by the hair and - NO! Brown rolls between The General's legs and springs up behind his feet! Deathman instantly spins on the spot, only to a cop a MASSIVE dropkick to that bloodied face!!!

Cara: His boots have steel caps! It's the only possible explanation! DISQUALIFY HIM!

Vinegar: Brown charging, as Deathman has been pushed into the corner from that incredible dropkick! NO! Deathman gets a foot up and Brown eats boot! Brown stumbling backwards and Deathman quickly follows up with a spinning flapjack, sending Brown face first into the top turnbuckle!!! Brown goes bouncing to the canvas, but Deathman isn't done yet! Brown getting back up and Deathman rebounds from the opposite ropes! He comes back and blasts the Global Champion with a HUGE clothesline lariat!!! Brown has been turned inside-out!

Hanson: Every time Brown begins to gain the advantage, Deathman steps up his game to the next level! And then Brown does the exact same thing! This match is great!!

Cara: You almost sounded like you're a fan of Brown then!

Hanson: What?! No! No! Never! LORD D-MIKE IS OUR SAVIOUR!!!

Cara: Just make sure it stays that way!!

Vinegar: Now Deathman is getting on one knee and raising his arm in the air. SIGNALLING FOR THE GRAVEYARD EFFECT!!!

Cara: IT'S OVER, YOU HEAR ME?! FUCKING OVER!!

Hanson: Brown is groggily getting up, but Lord Deathman is poised and ready behind him! Come on, Brown! Just turn around!!

Vinegar: Brown turns around AND DEATHMAN GRABS HIM!!! GRAVEYARD EFFECT COMING UP!!! NO!!!! BROWN COUNTERS INTO A LOOSE HURRICARANA AND SENDS DEATHMAN SOARING MASK FIRST INTO THE SECOND TURNBUCKLE!!!

Cara: HE IS A FUCKING MONKEY!!!

Vinegar: IF THAT'S THE CASE, HE'S A MONKEY THAT'S ABOUT TO RETAIN THE GLOBAL CHAMPIONSHIP!!! BROWN IS CALLING FOR THE SUPERKICK!!! DEATHMAN STUMBLES OUT OF THE CORNER AND KA-BOOM!!!! BROWN CONNECTS WITH THAT FOOT TO THE FACE!!!!

Cara: NO WAY!!

Vinegar: NOW THE CHAMP MAKES THE COVER!!! HE'S GOT IT!!!

Cara: THIS JUST CAN'T BE HAPPENING!!!

Vinegar: ONE!!

Cara: SAVAGE!!!

Vinegar: TWO!!!

Cara: WE'RE FINISHED!!!

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: THRE -

Hanson: AHAHAHAHA!!! LORD DEATHMAN WITH A FOOT ON THE BOTTOM ROPE!!!

Cara: YES! YES! YES! I NEVER DOUBTED HIM FOR A SECOND!!!

Vinegar: BROWN CAN'T BELIEVE IT! THESE FANS CAN'T BELIEVE IT! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!

Hanson: And now Brown seems to think there's only one thing for him to do... CALL FOR A SECOND SUPERKICK!! IF HE HITS THIS -

Cara: DON'T FINISH THAT SENTENCE!!!

Vinegar: DEATHMAN PULLING HIMSELF UP ON THE ROPES AND HERE COMES BROWN!!! BAM!!! HE CON - NO!!! DEATHMAN SIDES STEPS AND THE CHAMP GOES GROIN FIRST ONTO THE TOP ROPE!!! HE'S CAUGHT WITH ONE LEG ON THE INSIDE OF THE RING AND THE OTHER ON THE OUTSIDE!!!

Hanson: And look at The General Of Destruction! He's pulling himself onto the top rope!! AND NOW HE'S COMING DOWN WITH A FLYING CLOTHESLINE!!! HE'S PULLING OUT ALL THE STOPS!!!

Vinegar: HOLY HELL!!! DEATHMAN CONNECTS WITH AN UNBELIEVABLE FLYING CLOTHESLINE!!! BROWN GETS TURNED INSIDE OUT AND LANDS HEAD FIRST ON THE CANVAS!!! MY GOD, HIS NECK COULD HAVE JUST BEEN BROKEN!!!

Cara: IT'S NO LESS THAN HE DESERVES!!!

Vinegar: YOU'RE JUST SICK!!! NOW DEATHMAN IS PULLING BROWN UP AND LOOKING FOR THE GRAVEYARD EFFECT ONCE MORE!!! HE LIFTS BROWN UP, WHO TAKES HOLD OF THE NEAREST TURNBUCKLE IN A DESPERATE ATTEMPT TO AVOID ANNIHILATION!!! BROWN BREAKS FREE AND SCRAMBLES ONTO THE TOP ROPE!!! DEATHMAN TURNS AROUND IN PURSUIT AND OH MY GOD!!! BROWN WITH A FLYING SUPERKICK STRAIGHT INTO DEATHMAN'S FACE!!!! THE GENERAL HITS THE CANVAS FLAT ON HIS BACK!!!

Cara: NOT POSSIBLE!!!

Vinegar: AND NOW BROWN COVERS!!

Hanson: AND LORD DEATHMAN HAS BEEN LAID OUT IN THE CENTRE OF THE CANVAS!!! NO ROPE BREAK THIS TIME!!

Vinegar: ONE!!

Cara: MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!

Vinegar: TWO!!!

Cara: We've failed...

Vinegar: THRE - NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SAVAGE JUST GRABBED BURKE BY THE FEET AND DRAGGED HIM TO THE FLOOR!!! BAM!!! THE LAST ARYAN WITH A BOOT TO THE SKULL KNOCKS BURKE CLEAN OUT!!! THIS IS A DAMN ROBBERY!!!

Hanson: Look at Brown! He doesn't know what happened!! He's getting to his feet, trying to find Glenn Burke!! Like gold at the end of a rainbow, Brandon! HA!

Vinegar: AND NOW SAVAGE IS GETTING IN THE RING!!! TIGER V LEVELS THE GLOBAL HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!!!! DAMMIT, DAMMIT, DAMMIT!!! THIS IS JUST A FUCKING DISGRACE!!!

Cara: AHAHAHA! WE DID IT!!! WE FUCKING DID IT!!! I KNEW WE WOULD ALL ALONG!!!! NEVER DOUBTED FOR A SECOND!!!!!

Vinegar: I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!! BROWN IS OUT OF COMMISSION AND NOW THE SO CALLED 'ENFORCER' IS HELPING DEATHMAN MAKE THE COVER!!! DAMMIT NO!!! SAVAGE IS MAKING THE COUNT!!! ONE!!! THIS IS NOTHING BUT A DAMN HOAX!!!! TWO!!! BRANDON BROWN HAS BEEN ROBBED!!! THRE -

Sie ist hässlich dass es graut...

Wenn sie in den Himmel schaut...

Dann fürchtet sich das Licht...

Scheint ihr von unten ins Gesicht!

Cara: German?

Hanson: Rammstein?

Cara and Hanson: That means...

Vinegar: GREAT WHITE!!! THAT'S GREAT WHITE'S THEME MUSIC!!! AND LOOK!!! HE'S STANDING THERE ON THE STAGE!!! HIS EYES ARE LOCKED ONTO HIS FORMER MASTER, SAVAGE!!!

Hanson: And Savage looks FREAKED!!!

Cara: GOD DAMN THIS!!! HOW DID HE EVEN GET INTO THE ARENA?!?! THE STUPID LUNK HAS RUINED EVERYTHING!!!

Vinegar: Savage has turned paper white and is screaming at Great White to back off, but White is coming down the ramp and towards the ring!!!

Hanson: And look at this!!! Joka is in the ring behind Savage!!! Where did he come from?!?!

Vinegar: And these fans are going ecstatic, as Joka taps the terrified Savage on the shoulder!!

Cara: DON'T TURN AROUND! WHATEVER YOU DO, JUST DON'T TURN AROUND!!!

Hanson: OH NO, HE TURNED AROUND!!!

Vinegar: Savage just fell flat on his ass at the sight of Charley White!! His legs have lost the power to support him and he's instead rolling out of the ring!!! Savage has regained his footing and is fleeing OVER THE SAFETY BARRIER AND THROUGH THE CROWD!!

Hanson: He's getting the hell out of dodge!!

Cara: YOU COWARD! COME BACK!!! YOU COME BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!!!

Vinegar: It's no good, Savage isn't listening!! He's running in terror from his former allies AND JOKA IS PURSUING HIM THROUGH THE AUDIENCE NOW!!! MEANWHILE GREAT WHITE IS STILL ON THE RAMP STOPPING ANYONE ELSE FROM INTERFERING IN THIS MATCH!!! WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!?! HAVE THE WHITE BROTHERS ALIGNED WITH BRANDON BROWN?!?!

Hanson: It means that Lord Deathman is back to his feet and stalking the recovering Brandon Brown!!! THAT'S what it means!!!

Cara: YES! YOU CAN DO IT, LORD DEATHMAN!!

Vinegar: BROWN UP TO HIS FEET AND STUMBLES RIGHT INTO DEATHMAN'S GRASP!!! GRAVEYARD EFFECT COMING UP!!! THIS TIME DEATHMAN HITS IT RIGHT IN THE CENTRE OF THE RING!!!! HE MAKES THE COVER AND BURKE IS GROGGILY BACK IN THE RING!!! NO WAY!!!

Cara: WAY!!!

Vinegar: ONE!!!

Hanson: THIS HAS TO BE OVER NOW!!!

Vinegar: TWO!!!

Cara: WE'RE UNSTOPPABLE!!!

Vinegar: THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S OVER!!! IT'S OVER!!!!!

Dennis: Your winner, via pinfall and NEW GLOBAL HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION... LOOOOOOOOOOOORD DEATHMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!

Vinegar: I DON'T BELIEVE IT!!!

Cara: BELIEVE IT!!!

Hanson: Look at this! Burke is handing Lord Deathman that Global Title belt and he's raising it above his head!! Tonight we celebrate the TRUE Champion, Lord Deathman!!!

Vinegar: TRUE?! Dammit, Brown had the match won!

Cara: You're a liar! If that was true, Brandon would be Champion right now. But he's not! And you know who is?!

Vinegar: I certainly do.

Cara: Say it!

Vinegar: Deathman...

Cara: Lord Deathman, shmuck, and don't you forget it! Tonight Global Domination has taken hold of the Global Heavyweight Title! Tonight we proved all the doubters wrong! Tonight the reign of destruction begins!! And tonight... Declan is avenged...

Vinegar: Cara seems to be drifting into a trance here, as Deathman is being pelted with unanimous boos! These fans are just as disappointed as I am.

Hanson: And they'll continue to be disappointed, Nick! Because no one can stop Lord Deathman, especially when he has Global Domination at his back!

Vinegar: Unfortunately, you may be right. Right now GD are on top of the world and no one can deny that. But mark my words folks, there will be fallout for this, come next week and we hope you can join us for it! Until then, I'm Nicholas Vinegar, here with Daniel Hanson and Cara Costello, and we're out of time.

Hanson: It's been a pleasure, bitches and homeys! An absolute delight!

Vinegar: God help me.

Cara: I didn't dissapoint you, my love...

The screen fades from the foreboding image of Lord Deathman raising his newly won Global Heavyweight Championship belt to the heavens, to only blackness...

Lord Deathman: 3
Brandon Brown: 1