Sentinel 7/6/08 RESULTS

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Hanson: THE BITCHES ARE HERE!!! AWWWWW YEEEEEEAAAAHH!!!

Vinegar: Why do I keep letting you do these introductions?

Hanson: 'CAUSE DAN DAWG IS AWE-SUM!!!

Vinegar: You keep telling yourself that... Anyways, folks, I'm Nicholas Vinegar here with the whitest white man I've ever encountered, known as Daniel Hanson. We thank you for joining us tonight, as all eyes are now focused on Guerrilla Warfare.

Hanson: My eyes are focused on my iPod. You know you can keep porn on these things now?! PORN!

Vinegar: You lonely, lonely man...

Pyro bursts, "Morgenstern" hits and the fans begin cheering loudly. The two White brothers emerge on the stage and begin to make their way down the ramp.

Dennis: The following match is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, being accompanied by Charley 'Joka' White, weighing 405 pounds and residing in fuck knows where... GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREAT WWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHITE!!!!!!

Vinegar: Great White making his way into the ring here, as Joka is taking up position on the outside.

Hanson: Think Kane White is related to these guys? It would explain a lot. Retardation is genetic, after all.

Vinegar: YOU DID NOT JUST SAY THAT!

Hanson: Sucka!

Vinegar: I apologise for the crudeness of my partner, folks. I personally guarantee to give him a Texas sized ass whoopin' after the show.

Hanson: Miss Costello won't like that, Nicky V.

Vinegar: Miss Costello's a bitch.

Hanson: !!!

"Bullet With Butterfly Wings" blasts into play and the fans pop loudly. Andy Savana makes his way through the curtain, cracks his neck and then heads for the ring.

Dennis: And the opponent, from Houston, Texas and weighing 244 pounds... AAAAAAAAAAAANDY SAVANAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

Vinegar: Both these men receiving a very positive reaction here, as Savana is in the ring now. Both men also returning from an extended hiatus... unless you count Andy's match against McSkinny, that is.

Hanson: Which no one does.

Vinegar: And now the bell rings! This one has started and both competitors locking up to kick things off. White forces Savana back into the corner and then connects with a stiff head butt! Now the big man pulls Savana up and is looking for a body slam into the corner! But Savana slides free and counters with a reverse DDT from the giant's shoulder! White down and Savana with a leg drop across his opponent's skull!

Hanson: That's the way to do it. Hit White hard and fast, because he's too stupid to keep up. Of course Savana is bat shit crazy too, so he never knows what's going on anyway.

Vinegar: I don't believe you sometimes, as White getting back up, despite Andy smashing away at him with some stern rights and lefts. White with a giant shove sends Andy across the canvas and now the big man is back in control. Keeping in mind he already has one victory over Andy.

Hanson: Declan has two!

Vinegar: And Skinny has a mangina, as White begins stomping away at the downed Andy Savana.

Hanson: o.O

Vinegar: Andy rolls free and hurries back to his feet, but Great White grabs his arm straight away. He's dragging him to the corner, climbs to the top and is and looking for old school!! But Savana charges at the ropes, springs to the top AND COUNTERS WITH A HURRICARANA FROM THE TOP ROPE!!! MY GOD WHITE HAS BEEN TAKEN OUT HERE, AS ANDY RACES BACK TO THE TOP ROPE!!

Hanson: As soon as Great White gets up, he's going to score with a flying clothesline! Andy is a powerful dude, but he's moving like a cruiserweight here!

Vinegar: He knows he can't rely on his strength to defeat Great White, so he's looking for alternatives. ANDY LEAPS, BUT GREAT WHITE CATCHES HIM BY THE THROAT!!! CHOKE SLAM!!!!!!! ANDY WASN'T FAST ENOUGH!!!

Hanson: BUT NEITHER IS WHITE! ANDY BREAKS FREE OF HIS GRASP IN MIDAIR AND TAKES THE BIG NUMBSKULL DOWN WITH A FALLING STO!!!

Vinegar: Savana wasting no time and rolling White over. Andy locks in the crossface!!!

Hanson: But he doesn't have the strength to cripple Great White. The one Darwin forgot is forcing himself to his feet, but Andy is refusing to release that hold! Benoit would be proud of his tenacity!

Vinegar: CUT IT OUT! Great White, as he's getting up, takes hold of one of Andy's legs. He's literally lifting Savana off the mat, as Andy continues to apply that strangle hold!

Hanson: HA!

Vinegar: STOP IT! NOW GREAT WHITE SCORES WITH A MODIFIED SAMOAN DROP! HUGE IMPACT FROM THE GIANT!!

Hanson: Now Savana isn't moving. Just like -

Vinegar: ONE MORE WORD AND I'LL KICK YOUR ASS RIGHT HERE!!

Hanson: O.o

Vinegar: Now White is pulling Savana up and looking for the snake eyes! But Savana squirms free and lands behind Great White. White turns around, only to receive a big sit out jawbreaker!! But it isn't enough to send the giant down and he instead goes stumbling into the corner. Savana is on the attack and charges! He looks for a shoulder block and connects! Now Savana whips the big man from the corner, but White counters into a whip of his own! He pulls Savana into a MASSIVE clothesline!

Hanson: Savana is a big dude, no doubt, but White is making him look like a kid in that ring. Andy got thrown completely inside out with that clothesline! Too bad White's brains don't match his brawn...

Vinegar: He's smart enough to be in control of this match and that's no small feat against a man like Andy Savana. Speaking of, Andy struggling to get to his feet, BUT WHITE PULLS SAVANA INTO A POWER BOMB POSITION!!! IF HE HITS THIS, THE MATCH IS OVER!!! HE LIFTS ANDY UP - NO!!! ANDY FIGHTING WITH EVERYTHING HE HAS AND HE TAKES HOLDS OF WHITE'S LEGS!! HE FLIPS HIM OVER HIS BACK WITH INCREDIBLE STRENGTH AND LANDS WITH A BRIDGE PIN ON THE GIANT!!!! ONE!!!! TWO!!!!!!! THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dennis: Your winner, via pinfall... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANDY SAVANAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Hanson: Ha! Joka looks furious, while White just looks dumbfounded. Wait, he's looked like that the entire match! HA!

Vinegar: Andy with the upset win here and now he's taunting to his fans. Great White seems very disappointed here, as is expected. With an out-of-nowhere victory, Savana has levelled the score at one match each, but it certainly wasn't easy.

The camera sudenly cuts to a backstage hallway, where Cara Costello and Savage can be seen watching the action in the ring through a monitor. Cara is lazily filing her nails, while Savage seems to be sweating profusely.

Savage: This is bad!

Cara: What are you talking about? Great White lost! I told you, you were overreacting. He's not so tough.

Savage: You don't understand! Him losing is only going to make things worse! It'll just make him madder and he's already got so much anger aimed at me! I'M IN DANGER, CARA!

Cara: Well that's too bad, because both he and Joka already requested a match with you.

Savage: WHAT'D YOU SAY?!

Cara: I told them to sit on Big B's boobs. Of course, I won't be able to deny their request forever...

Savage: BUT YOU HAVE TO! THEY WANT TO KILL ME!

Cara: Then I guess you should have thought about that before you took off at Toxic Intent, abandoning D-Mike and me!

Savage: 'D-Mike and I'.

Cara: What?! Shut up! You're going to have to face those two eventually and I don't care if you like it or - SEANY!!!!

The hostility that had been building in Cara's voice instantly disappears at the sight of The New Resistance.

Jensen: What'd you just call me?

Gregory: Should I crush her, sir?

Cara: Hey!

Jensen: So what'd you want?

Cara: Just to say... good luck!

Jensen: What's your angle, bitch?

Cara: I want to see Roberts hurt... dick!

Jensen: Yeah well, that's a guarantee.

Jensen motions ahead, takes Kat by the hand and the trio march onward.

Cara: That guy is unbelievable...

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

"Bummer" begins playing and, after about 30 seconds, Travis Roberts emerges from the curtains, his arms wide open and being met with a largely positive reaction. He begins marching down the ramp, nodding and waving to fans as he goes.

Dennis: The following match is a first round match in the Hardcore Title tournament! Introducing first, currently residing in Los Angeles, California and weighing - FOCK ME!

Vinegar: JENSEN OUT OF NOWHERE JUST BLASTED ROBERTS IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD WITH A BASEBALL BAT!!

Hanson: Smart move! Catching your opponent off guard.

Vinegar: I call it cheating!

Hanson: No rules, Nick. Anything is fair game, as the bell rings here. It seems we're going to be starting this one on the outside!

Vinegar: Jensen smashes the downed Roberts with that bat several times, before Roberts is able to roll to safety. He looks dazed here folks and he could very well have a concussion, as he rolls into the ring. Jensen quickly slides in after him and gets up, only to take a big boot straight to the face! Somehow The Blessed One is fighting through the pain here.

Hanson: But now Nate G is in the ring! Damn that guy is surly looking!

Vinegar: Kat also at ringside now, who is still recovering from her injuries I might add. In the ring Roberts has that bat and BAM! HE JUST SMASHED IT STRAIGHT INTO GREGORY'S FACE!!!

Hanson: That knocked the big dude straight out of the ring!

Vinegar: But Sean is back up behind The Headliner! And The Real Innovator scores with a dropkick to the back of Roberts' skull! The Blessed One falls face first into the canvas and now Jensen is calling to Kat for a weapon!

Hanson: And she obliges by pulling a steel chair out from under the ring! She slides it to Jensen, who picks it up, but Roberts is back to his feet already!!

Vinegar: BOOM!! A second big boot, this time sending that chair straight into Jensen's face! Mr. Innovator has been laid out here and Roberts makes the cover! ONE! TWO! THR - JENSEN KICKS OUT!

Hanson: Impressive kick out there. Of course Jensen is the God of GIW... at least that's what he says.

Vinegar: I thought you were a Jensen fan.

Hanson: Did you hear the way he spoke to Cara?!

Vinegar: You mean 'Miss Costello'?

Hanson: That's what I said.

Vinegar: Of course you did. Meanwhile, Roberts has pulled Jensen back up, He whips him to the ropes BUT JENSEN COMES BACK AND COUNTERS WITH A TORNADO DDT ONTO THAT STEEL CHAIR!!!

Hanson: HUGE impact! And now Jensen is going up top!!

Vinegar: HE COMES SOARING DOWN WITH THE FROGSPLASH '08! BUT ROBERTS GRABS HOLD OF THE BAT AND THRUSTS IT INTO THE AIR!! JENSEN COMES DOWN STOMACH FIRST ONTO THAT WEAPON AND HAS HAD THE AIR COMPLETELY KNOCKED OUT OF HIM! HE'S ROLLING ABOUT THE RING IN TREMENDOUS AGONY!!!

Hanson: And now Roberts has the chair and he's gonna blast Jensen with it!

Vinegar: NO! Jensen just pulled something from the pocket of his jeans! BRASS KNUCKLES! BOOM!! A GIANT PUNCH TO THE BLESSED ONE'S DOODLE!!!

Hanson: That knocked the wind out of him, as Jensen takes hold of the chair! He drops it on the canvas and OH MY GOD!!!

Vinegar: CALI DRIVER ONTO THE CHAIR! JENSEN COVERS! ONE! TWO! THREE!!!!!! THIS ONE IS OVER!!! ROBERTS HAD NO HOPE OF KICKING OUT OF THAT VICIOUS MANOEUVRE!!

Dennis: Your winner via pinfall... SEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAN JENSEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!!!!!

Vinegar: That was intense! A hard fought battle, but Jensen is the victor here tonight!

Hanson: He's still hurting though, Nick. But Nate G and Kat are accompanying him up the ramp. He's one step closer to the Hardcore Title after this match!

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

"Of Wolf And Man" hits, accompanied by a mixed reaction. Dylan James makes his way onto the stage and begins jogging down the ramp.

Dennis: The following match is a first round match in the Hardcore Title tournament! Introducing first, from Detroit, Michigan and weighing 240 pounds.... HAAAAARRRRRRRRDCORE DYLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMES!!!

James slides into the ring, leaps to the top rope and crosses his arms to form an X. He soon returns to the canvas and turns his attention to the entrance way.

Hanson: This guy is about as hardcore as my grandma. I mean, no booze, no drugs, no ladies? What exactly is even remotely 'hardcore' about this guy?

Vinegar: I think once that bell rings you'll find out. James has a 'never say die' attitude. I have a feeling he'll show all of us just what hardcore is, here tonight.

"Paint It Black" begins playing and the arena fills with loud cheers. Before long, Jack Ryans has appeared on the stage, waving and gesturing to the fans. He then turns to James and begins heading towards the ring.

Dennis: And the opponent, currently residing in Langley, Virginia and weighing 240 pounds, The Watchman... JAAAAAAAAAAAACK RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRYANS!!!!!

Hanson: Maybe it's all relative, Nick. Next to this pansy, James does actually seem pretty hardcore!

Vinegar: Well Ryans was tough enough to beat your boy, Savage.

Hanson: But not Komosube! Ha!

Vinegar: Ryans in the ring now and both these newcomers are circling the ring, as the bell sounds. Both men lock up and it's Ryans who scores with a headlock! Both men the same size and weight and neither really tested in a hardcore environment yet. They also both have one win and one loss to their name's. Quite the even contest, as James pushes Ryans into the ropes, freeing himself in the process. The Watchman comes racing back, but James delivers a SUPERB missile dropkick! Ryans goes tumbling through the ropes and crashing harshly on the outside!

Hanson: But James isn't done yet! He leaps over the top rope and goes landing right on top of Ryans!

Vinegar: Now he's pulling Jack up and throws him into the safety barrier! BOOM! Big clothesline sends both men over the barricade! James pulling Ryans up, but The Watchman counters with a knee to DJ's gut! Hardcore has been winded, as Ryans looks for a suplex! NO! He turns it into a neck breaker instead AND DROPS HARDCORE'S NECK RIGHT ACROSS THE BARRICADE!

Hanson: Ouch! And now Ryans is in the crowd, while James is in the ringside area.

Vinegar: And now Ryans climbing over the barrier, as DJ seems to be in a lot of pain here. Ryans pulls his adversary up and is dragging him this way! BAM! Ryans just smashed DJ's face into out announce table! Now Ryans pulling DJ towards the ring steps, but Hardcore counters with an elbow to his opponent's face! BAM! Now James smashes Ryans' face into those steps!

Hanson: And now he's looking under the ring! This match got real nasty, real fast!

Vinegar: DJ with a trash can and THUD! He just bashes it into Ryan's skull, leaving The Watchman sprawled out on the ground in front of us! James now climbing onto our table! HE GOES FLYING OFF WITH A LEG DROP! BUT JACK ROLLS TO SAFETY AND DJ CONNECTS WITH NOTHING, BUT FLOOR!!

Hanson: And now Ryans is looking under the mat, while James gets back to his feet. RYANS WITH A TOOL BOX!

Vinegar: SMASH! HE JUST BLASTED THE RECOVERING JAMES IN THE FACE WITH THAT TOOLBOX! IT BUSTED OPEN AND HAS SENT TOOLS IN EVERY DIRECTION!

Hanson: Yeah and one of them is sitting next to me. HA!

Vinegar: Very amusing. James is now bleeding from the forehead, as Ryans pulls him to his feet.

Hanson: I guess the toolbox wasn't the only thing that got busted open. Hehe.

Vinegar: Keep 'em coming Dan Dawg, as Ryans rolls James back into the ring. I would think that's where both these men feel more comfortable, but maybe not. Ryans is looking under the ring once more. Now he's got a stop sign!! This is nuts!!!

Hanson: 'From CIA Agent To Traffic Controller: The Tale Of Jack Ryans'.

Vinegar: I'd rather see that than your latest rap video on youtube.

Hanson: I'M AN ARE-TEEST!

Vinegar: And Ryans is back in the ring with that sign! James is on his knees and Ryans is about to swing! NO! DJ WITH A HAMMER, BASHES RYANS IN THE GUT!

Hanson: DJ must have grabbed that when the toolbox burst open! Smart play!

Vinegar: Now both men are on their knees and James swings that hammer wildly once more! CRASH! He just blasted it right into Ryans' left eye!!! The Watchman seems to be semi-blinded now!!

Hanson: Which means DJ has all, but won this match! Ryans can't fight if he can't see!

Vinegar: That's true, but Jack still has one good eye. I wouldn't count him out, just yet! Now DJ has left the ring and is picking up that trash can again! He slides back into the ring and goes on the attack with it, but Ryans counters with a drop toe hold! JAMES GOES FACE FIRST TO THE MAT AND HIS SKULL CONNECTS WITH THE TRASH CAN ON IMPACT!!

Hanson: Now Ryans is forcing himself up and he's bleeding from that eye, Nick! He could have a permanent injury!

Vinegar: We can only hope that isn't the case, as Ryans is picking up that hammer! It seems the tables have turned! Ryans BELTS that hammer to the mat, but Hardcore rolls to safety and The Watchman connects with nothing, but that trash can! DJ has rolled right out of the ring and it's probably a smart idea to buy himself some breathing space.

Hanson: But it's not to be! Ryans is out of that ring and right behind him!

Vinegar: BUT IT WAS A TRAP! DJ GRABS RYANS AND HITS THE X MARKS THE SPO - NO!!! RYANS COUNTERS INTO A FLAPJACK AND DROPS JAMES ONTO THE SAFETY BARRIER RIGHT ON THAT BLEEDING FOREHEAD!!! JAMES IS DAZED AND RYANS LOOKING FOR THE MARTYR TO THE MASSES!!! HE DELIVERS AND COVERS!!! ONE!!!! TWO!!!! THREE!!!!!

Hanson: WOAH!

Dennis: Your winner via pinfall... JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRYAAAAAAAAANS!!!!!

Vinegar: Just like the previous match, DJ had no chance of kicking out of that finisher. A Martyr to the Masses on the arena floor will keep any man down.

Hanson: But if DJ had hit the X Marks the Spot, this would have been an entirely different outcome!

Vinegar: It certainly would have, as the EMTs are now coming to check on both men. And that's a testament to how much the Hardcore Championship means to both these athletes.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

"Wonder What's Next" hits and the arena fills with loud cheers. Before long, Randy Boolzian emerges on the stage, his trademark Red Bull can and cigarette in each hand.

Dennis: The following match is a six man tag match! Introducing first, from Oceanside, California and weighing 220 pounds, The Red Bull Icon... RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRANDY BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLZIAN!!!!!

BoolZ makes his way into the ring and finishes of his cigarette and Red Bull, while awaiting his partners and his opponents. Before long, "Fucking In The Bushes" begins playing and Chris Austin makes his way into the arena. He is met with cheers throughout the building.

Dennis: And the partner, currently residing in San Diego, California and weighing 210 pounds, The Sham of Sex, the GIW HARDCORE CHAMPION... CHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUSTIN!!!!!

Austin slides into the ring and holds his Hardcore Championship belt up for the fans, before turning his focus to BoolZ. He smiles arrogantly, as if telling his team mate that they have nothing to worry about. Suddenly "Kickstart My Heart" hits and the arena again fills with cheers. Brandon Brown emerges from the curtains and begins jogging down the ramp.

Dennis: And the partner, from Albion, Indiana and weighing 190 pounds... BRRRRRRRRRRRRANDON BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROWN!!!!

Brown slides into the ring and climbs onto the top rope. He casts his vision at the entrance way, obviously eager for his opponents to arrive. Without warning, "Parabola" by Tool smashes into play. The arena turns pitch black for several moments, before the lights return, revealing Lord Deathman in the middle of the ring. Donovan Hastings and Aragato, meanwhile, are standing on the stage.

Dennis: And the opponents, ARAGATO, LORD DONOVAN HASTINGS AND THE GLOBAL HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, LORD DEATHMAN... GLOBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL DOMINAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTION!!!!

Hanson: Holy crap, Lord D-Mike went straight for the ring! Now he's in there with all three of his opponents! NO FEAR FOR DA LORD!

Vinegar: But Aragato and Hastings are rushing to the ring to join their partner! BoolZ and Austin head out to meet them, while Deathman removes his Global Title belt. He's facing off with Brown now, as the bell rings and it seems these two rivals are going to start this match!

Hanson: Meanwhile it's utter chaos outside the ring! BoolZ and Aragato are punching the hell out of each other, while Austin and Hastings are brawling their way up the ramp!

Vinegar: But in the ring, Brown launches the first strike! He smashes a low dropkick into Deathman's knees and brings the Global Champ down onto them. And now Brown is blasting away at Deathman with some furious right hands! He's not in the mood for wasting time!!!

Hanson: But he's thinking with his heart and not his head, Nick! Lord Deathman is easily able to overpower him and grabs the little rag doll by his throat. He lifts him into the air and plants him with a sick double handed choke slam!

Vinegar: And now Deathman has the clear advantage! He's stomping away at Brown like there's no tomorrow! But Austin on the apron and calling Deathman a... what?!

Hanson: I think he insulted Lord Deathman's doodle!! SHOW HIM WHAT IT MEANS TO BE THE GENERAL OF DESTRUCTION!!

Vinegar: Deathman is going after Austin, who promptly leaps from the apron. But the distraction has proven enough, as Brown is back to his feet. Deathman turns around and cops a dropkick right to the mask!! He's forced into the corner and Austin springs back onto the apron! A quick tag and he enters the ring. He and Brown whip Deathman to the ropes. The General comes racing back AND RECEIVES A DOUBLE STANDING POWER SLAM!!

Hanson: Neither man would have been able to hit that on Lord Deathman on their own! As much as I hate to admit it, that was a good move. But it won't matter, because GD is UNTOUCHABLE!!!

Vinegar: We'll see, as the remaining participants in this match are finally making their way to their respective corners. Deathman getting back up, but Austin quickly takes him down with a stiff even flow DDT! Now the Hardcore Champ tagging in the undefeated BoolZ. Frequent tags will allow each man to stay fresh and this is some good teamwork, considering all the hostility that has existed between this team over the last weak.

Hanson: But it won't last! Lord Deathman just sat upright!

Vinegar: But BoolZ with a kick to the spine and then a dropkick to the head, sends the Global Champ back down. Not for long though, as Deathman is getting straight back up! Just what does it take to beat this guy?!

Hanson: More than that loser team of BoolZ, Brown and Austin can muster, that's for sure.

Vinegar: Deathman back up and BoolZ goes on the attack with a springboard dropkick! But Deathman side steps and tags in Aaragto! Mr. Deathmatch charges at BoolZ and connects with a hurricarana! BoolZ is quick back up, but only eats a spinning wheel kick for his efforts! Aragato pulls BoolZ up, but RBI scores with a stiff elbow shot to Mr. Deathmatch's gut! BoolZ with a snap suplex and then a tag to Austin!

Hanson: But Aragato is already back up! He hits a roundhouse kick on The Shaman and sends him reeling into the ropes!

Vinegar: Austin comes bouncing back and Aragato scores WITH A STANDING MONKEY FLIP!!! INCREDIBLE ATHLETICISM BY MR. DEATHMATCH!

Hanson: And now Austin has been thrown into the GD corner! Thinks look bad for him now!

Vinegar: Aragato is on the attack once more, but Hastings with a blind tag! Aragato looks furious!!

Hanson: But there's not a lot he can do without getting disqualified, as Burke orders him out of the ring.

Vinegar: Austin groggily getting to his feet, but Hastings takes him right back down with a gut buster! Now The Lord Of Pain wrapping his legs around Austin's midsection and is literally squeezing the life out of him!!

Hanson: Austin is already turning red!

Vinegar: Hastings is one hell of a technician and is really locking that hold in. Brown and BoolZ have had enough and they're charging into the ring! But here come Deathman and Aragato! ALL HELL IS BREAKING LOOSE HERE!!

Hanson: Damn right!! BoolZ breaks the hold, BUT ARAGATO BLASTS HIM WITH THE CRASH LANDING! AHAHAHA!

Vinegar: AND MEANWHILE BROWN LEVELS DEATHMAN WITH A SUPERKICK!!! BUT HASTINGS INSTANTLY CLOTHESLINES HIM RIGHT OVER THE TOP ROPE AND OUT OF THE RING!!

Hanson: This is madness, as Burke is trying to force Aragato out of the ring, but he doesn't want to leave!

Vinegar: Meanwhile, Austin is back to his feet, if only barely. He's had the wind taken out of him, BUT THAT DOESN'T STOP HIM BLASTING HASTINGS FROM BEHIND WITH THE SOCAL GUTCHECK!!

Hanson: That coward! He attacks Lord Hastings from behind and now he's making the tag to Brown!

Vinegar: Brown barely on the apron two seconds, before Austin tagged him in. But Hastings is able to drag himself to GD's corner and tags in Aragato! The former Global Champ and Mr. Deathmatch lock up! Brown whips Aragato to the ropes and looks for an inverted atomic drop on the return, but Aragato counters into a GIANT DDT!!!

Hanson: And now Aragato is going to the top rope! But BoolZ is back to his feet, after that Crash Landing!!

Vinegar: BUT HE'S STRAIGHT BACK DOWN, AS ARAGATO LEVELS HIM WITH THE CURTAINS!!! BUT THE DISTRACTION HAS GIVEN BROWN ENOUGH TIME TO RECOVER!! ARAGATO GETS BACK TO HIS FEET AND EATS A SUPERKICK RIGHT IN THE FACE!!! BROWN WITH THE COVER!!! ONE!! TWO!!! THREE!!!!!

Hanson: BULLFUCK!!!

Dennis: Your winners, via pinfall... RRRRRRRRRRRANDY BOOOOOOOOOLZIAN, THE GIW HARDCORE CHAMPION CHRRRRRRRRRRRRIS AAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUSTIN AND BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRANDON BRRRRRRRRRRRRRROWN!!!!

Hanson: NO WAY! THEY CHEATED!

Vinegar: They did not and you know it! It seems Brown has gained a measure of revenge here by scoring the pinfall over GD, but you can guarantee he's still thinking of nothing, but the Global Title! AND DEATHMAN BOOTS HIM FROM BEHIND!!

Hanson: HA! Just like Toxic Intent, Lord Deathman is standing over Brandon Brown!

Vinegar: And just like at Toxic Intent he didn't do it fair -

: Hold on just one second!

Vinegar: Oh God no...

Hanson: YEAH! Miss Costello is on the entrance stage, Nick! This is wonderful!

Vinegar: I know damn well she is, but I disagree entirely on the 'wonderful' part.

Cara: No need for that, Lord Deathman. After all, we need Brandon conscious for this little announcement.

Vinegar: Deathman pulling Brown up and holding him in a full nelson. Dammit, what is going on here?!

Cara: Listen up, Brandon. I know you're entitled to a rematch and I fully intend to give it to you at Guerrilla Warfare... in a stretcher match!!

Vinegar: WHAT?!?!

Cara: Yeah, that's right, Brandon. A match where Lord Deathman, the GLOBAL HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, can do whatever the hell he wants to you! No rules, no pinfalls, no quitting, no way out! Of course that isn't all. Naturally your little boy scouts BoolZ and Austin here, and the White brothers for that matter, will all be banned from ringside!

Hanson: YES!

Vinegar: BULLSHIT! WHAT ABOUT GLOBAL DOMINATION?! ARE YOU TELLING ME THEY'LL BE ALLOWED AT RINGSIDE?!

Hanson: Of course! GD would never do anything to unfairly affect the result of a match!

Vinegar: This is complete bullshit! A stretcher match at Guerrilla Warfare and we could very well have all of GD at ringside! Meanwhile, Brown won't have anyone to even the odds!! This is nothing, but another one of Cara's screw jobs and it sickens me!

Hanson: A screw job from Cara? How can you not like that?!

Vinegar: Dammit folks, we're out of time! We'll leave you with this announcement and hope you can join us next week! I'm Nicholas Vinegar, with Daniel Hanson, calling it a night! Dammit, that BITCH is going to get what she deserves one of these days!!

Hanson: You'll get what you deserve if you keep talking like that!

The camera fades, as Deathman delivers a full nelson slam to Brown, before raising the Global Heavyweight Championship belt in the air.