Guerrilla Warfare '08 RESULTS

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

“The Lord in His anger cast a dark shadow over beautiful Jerusalem.”

A shot of Lord Deathman standing in the centre of a raging fire.

“The fairest of Israel's cities lies in the dust, thrown down from the heights of Heaven.”

Deathman covering Brandon Brown to win the Global Heavyweight Championship at Toxic Intent.

“In His day of great anger, the Lord has shown no mercy even to His temple.”

Deathman and Hiroshima stomping away at Brown.

“Without mercy the Lord has destroyed every home in Israel.”

Hiroshima delivering the Fat Man, Little Boy to Travis Roberts.

“In His anger he has broken down the fortress walls of beautiful Jerusalem.

Deathman delivering the Graveyard Effect to Randy Boolzian.

“He has brought them to the ground, dishonouring the kingdom and it's rulers.”

Donovan Hastings delivering the Destiny’s Call from the apron to the outside on Chris Austin.

“All the strength of Israel vanishes beneath His fierce anger.”

Komosube delivering a super kick to Jack Ryans.

“The Lord has withdrawn His protection as the enemy attacks.”

Aragato hitting Dylan James with a kendo stick backstage.

“He consumes the whole land of Israel like a raging fire.”

Same shot of Deathman standing in the centre of an inferno.

“He bends His bow against his people, as though He were their enemy.”

Calypso Desmona and Misery both pinning Brandon McSkinny with a foot each on his chest.

“His strength is used against them to kill their finest youth.”

Savage hitting Big B Brown in the head with a steel chair.

“His fury is poured out like fire on beautiful Jerusalem.”

Same shot of Deathman in the middle of a blazing fire.

Error...

Error...

Error...

Transmission. Third world war, third round.

Brown delivering a super kick to Komosube.

A decade of the weapon of sound above ground.

BoolZ delivering the Star Gazer to Aragato.

No shelter if you’re looking for shade.

Great White and Charley White stomping away on Hastings.

I lick shots at the brutal charade.

Brown delivering a flying super kick to Deathman.

As the polls close like a casket.

Austin delivering the SoCal Gutcheck to Hastings.

On truth devoured.

Jack Ryans delivering the Justice served to Savage.

Silent play in the shadow of power.

BoolZ throwing Desmona over the safety barrier and into the crowd.

A spectacle monopolized.

Charley White chasing Savage through the arena crowd.

The cameras eyes on choice disguised.

BoolZ delivering the DiscomBoolZalator to Aragato.

Was it cast for the mass who burn and toil?

Brown super kicking Deathman off the apron.

Or for the vultures who thirst for blood and oil?

Austin delivering the SoCal Gutcheck 2.0 to Savage, who has a garbage can covering his top half.

Yes a spectacle monopolized.

Austin holding the GIW Hardcore Championship belt in the air.

They hold the reins, stole your eyes.

Brown holding the Global Heavyweight Championship belt in the air.

All the fistagons, the bullets and bombs.

Brown countering a power bomb from Komosube into a falling DDT.

Who stuff the banks.

BoolZ making a tag to Austin.

Who staff the party ranks.

Austin making a tag to Brown.

More for Gore or the son of a drug lord.

Big B countering the Death Note into a body splash.

None of the above. Fuck it, cut the cord.

Brown pinning Aragato.

Lights out! Guerrilla radio!

The White brothers smashing Deathman into the ring post.

Turn that shit up!

Austin delivering the SoCal gutcheck to Aragato, before Big B delivers a body splash.

Lights out! Guerrilla radio!

BoolZ and Ryans smashing Komosube with right and left fists.

Turn that shit up!

Austin, Big B, BoolZ, Brown, Ryans and the Whites standing in the ring, raising each other’s arms.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, moms and dads, aunties and uncles and all the cousins twice removed WELCOME TO GUERRILLA WARFARE!! I’m Nicholas Vinegar and this questionable example of a human being sitting next to me is Daniel Hanson...

Hanson: Watch yourself, Nick! I’m a well connected man, you want Sean Jensen to come down here and Curb Stomp you?!

Vinegar: There is no threat of that, I happen to be a fully grown adult, but God forbid anyone lets him come and interrupt our commentary again. Anyway, what a night we have in store for you! We will see the Debut of Aaron Kizz’s bodyguard ,The Prototype, as he faces Levi Witham.

Hanson: We’ve also got Misery defending her Women’s Title against a mystery opponent! I hope it’s Miss Costello! Or Kat! Or Calypso! Hell I don’t care who it is, as long as we get to see some PUPPIES!!!

Vinegar: As always, some insightful thoughts from my partner. We’ve also got the climax of the Hardcore Championship tournament, when Chris Austin defends his Title in a gruelling hardcore gauntlet match!

Hanson: There is no way that sexual deviant will be walking out of here with the Title! In fact I doubt he’ll be walking at all. The same goes for Travis Roberts, who is in a triple threat match with Global Domination’s Komosube and Lord Hastings. Those guys are going to rip him to pieces!!

Vinegar: And if all that isn’t enough for you... well, you ordered the wrong PPV...

Hanson: Yeah, you guys want ‘Donkey Loving Vixens’. It’s playing on Channel 327, for only $5.95! It really is a bargain!

Vinegar: Riiiight... Anyway, if that wasn’t enough, we’ve got a doozy of a main event, Lord Deathman, the Global Heavyweight Champion, will face Brandon Brown in a stretcher match!!

Hanson: Deathman has gone on record saying he doesn’t want to actually kill Brandon Brown, but I’ve got a feeling he won’t be able to help it!

Vinegar: Well, it’s gonna be a brutal match, but God forbid anyone gets killed... I don’t think we’ll be able to avoid a serious injury though. But before all that, what an opening match we have for you!

“Diamond In The Rough” blasts out across the T.D. Banknorth Garden P.A. and ‘Diamond’ Jack Severino appears on the stage, with his partner Gabrielle on his arm.

Dennis: The following match is scheduled for one fall, and is a mixed-gender tag team bout. Introducing first, at a combined weight of 410 pounds, ‘DIAMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOND’ JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK SEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRINO AND GABRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIELLE MADDISOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON MOOOOONTGOOOMEEEERRRRRRRRRRY!!!!!!

Hanson: And here is our first team, Diamond Jack and Gabrielle. This is the first time we’ve seen Gabrielle in the ring, but we’ve seen plenty of her so far!

Vinegar: And this is Jack Severino’s debut Pay-Per-View with Global Impact Wrestling. He’ll be hoping to get his first win here in style.

Hanson: Who cares? No one is looking at Jack! Everyone’s eyes are on Gabrielle!

Vinegar: Jack is now on the ring apron. He grabs Gabrielle and they embrace quite passionately.

Hanson: Damn that guy! How does someone so... fugly, get someone as beautiful as Gabrielle?!

Vinegar: I’ll leave that up to you to contemplate, as Severino sweeps Gabrielle off her feet and proceeds to straddle the middle rope, whilst swinging his girlfriend smoothly into the ring and onto her feet.

Hanson: He knows how to treat a lady, I’ll give him that.

“Of Wolf and Man” hits the stadium P.A. and the crowd rise to their feet as ‘Hardcore’ Dylan James and Christina Adams emerge onto the stage.

Dennis: And their opponents, weighing in at a combined 390 pounds, HARDCORE DYLAN JAMES AND CHRISTINA ADAAAAAAAMS

Vinegar: This man has been on a mission of recent and a very emotional one at that. He’s trying to find who killed his mother.

Hanson: Probably offed herself. With that sorry excuse for a human as her son...

Vinegar: JESUS CHRIST! Daniel, no matter what, you do not speak ill of the dead! That was just sick! If I wasn’t paid to hold conversation with you I’d just stop associating myself with you after that comment!

Hanson: Please, please God, let Nick stop talking to me. If you ever listen to anything anyone says, let this be one of those times.

Vinegar: Dylan James and Christina have made their way into the ring and both teams are staring one another down, as Hazel East checks the competitors for illegal objects.

Hanson: That’s a job I’d like. Patting down Gabrielle...

Vinegar: Hazel East signals towards Old Man Hermit, who rings the bell and this match is underway. It seems we’re gonna have DJ verse DJS to kick this one off.

Hanson: Dylan James verse Dylan James Sucks?

Vinegar: I was thinking Dylan James verse ‘Diamond’ Jack Severino, you illiterate monkey.

Hanson: Hey, mine works too!

Vinegar: Severino starts this off by charging at James, but James sells him a dummy and Severino goes down from a drop toe hold! James takes the early advantage and starts stomping on Severino’s back!

Hanson: But Severino grabs hold of Dylan’s leg and twists it until James falls to the floor also. Now Diamond Jack is on his feet, still holding DJ’s leg! A kick to the midsection! And another! Now he brings Dylan James to his feet, whips him against the ropes and POWERSLAM directly in the middle of the canvas! Really sweet move!

Vinegar: But as he tries to pull James to his feet, The Hardcore Superstar surprises him with a stiff right hand to the abdomen, followed by a strong Irish whip to the corner. He runs at Jack! SPEAR TO DIAMOND JACK WHILST ON THE TURNBUCKLE!! Severino slumps to the floor and Dylan James climbs to the top rope! LEG DROP FROM THE TO -

Hanson: NO! The Diamond In The Rough telegraphed that one and rolls out of the way at the last minute! He gets to his feet, cautiously lifts James up and hits him with a belly-to-belly suplex! He goes for the cover!

1….

2………

Vinegar: James kicks out with plenty of time and Severino lifts him back to his feet and now hits him with a fireman’s carr - NO! James reverses it and brings Severino’s face in contact with the mat with a vicious DDT! Now both men are lying slightly dazed on the canvas. Now both men are moving towards their corners, .with one eye on the other.

Hanson: Yeah! James is playing possum, he wants Severino to think he’s gonna tag in Christina, so that he can instead beat up a girl! That diabolical fiend!

Vinegar: I think both men are ensuring the other tags out and don’t try anything with their special ladies and both men almost instantaneously tag their partners!

Hanson: Now this is getting started! Go on girls, tear each others clothes off!!

Vinegar: Both ladies lock up and Christina takes the initial advantage and has Gabby in a headlock.

Hanson: When did you get the right to call her Gabby, huh?!

Vinegar: Let’s just call it artistic licence. Christina takes Gabrielle to the ground with the headlock and is unwilling to let go. Gabrielle twists her body and stretches those long legs and breaks the hold by applying a pair of head scissors!

Hanson: Ah, to be in the middle of the two of them right now, that would be paradise...

Vinegar: Folks, it doesn’t seem like we’re going to get anything sensible out of Hanson for the duration that Gabrielle and Christina are in the ring. Christina has got hold of the rope and Gabrielle is forced by Hazel East to break the hold. Both girls are back on their feet and Gabby charges at Christina, who leaps! HURRICARANA! And she holds on to the legs for the pinfall!!!

1…

2……

Vinegar: NO! Gabrielle kicks out and gets to her feet unsteadily, but is met by a high kick from Christina to her face! Wait! Gabby raises a hand to her face, she looks shocked. She kicks Christina, and then sets her up for the DIAMOND VALLEY DRIVER! But she’s not done! She lifts Christina up and throws her to the turnbuckle! She charges, but Christina moves at the last moment and Gabrielle drives her knee into the turnbuckle! Both girls now head to tag their men back in and both are successful!

Hanson: What’s that now?

Vinegar: Dylan James and Severino are back in the ring, but both take a moment to check on their partners. The ladies just wave them off, they are competitors they can take the bumps. Dylan James runs at Diamond Jack and nails a tornado DDT! He gets Jack to his feet and hits a double underhook suplex on the Diamond In The Rough! Now he picks him up again and throws him to the turnbuckles! Severino on top and DJ goes for the TOP ROPE FRANKEN -

Hanson: NO! Severino reverses and turns the move into a top rope power bomb! Now both men are down! Jack has the presence of mind to drape his arm across DJ’s chest!!!

1………

2……..

Vinegar: THAT WAS CLOSE! Dylan James kicks out, and not a moment too early! Diamond Jack drags James back to his feet and grabs Dylan James left arms in a hammerlock, and forces his head into the DDT position, he’s going for the The Taste Of The Canvas DDT! But Dylan James manages to twist himself around 180 degrees, breaking the hammerlock!!

Hanson: What good was that? Now he’s just bending backwards, awaiting another painful -

Vinegar: What was that, Daniel!? Dylan James shows some sublime strength and manages to drag Jack off his feet and stand upright!!! And now he hits Severino with a tombstone pile driver! AND NOW HE GOES FOR THE COVER!!!!

1….

2……..

Hanson: No! Gabrielle is quick into the ring to break the count! What a reliable woman?!

Vinegar: And now Christina has joined her in the ring! All hell is breaking lose!!! Gabrielle clotheslines Christina out of the ring AND A VAULTING BODY PRESS FROM GABRIELLE TO ADAMS!! she looks like she’s done herself a fair bit of damage too, though!!

Hanson: Severino and James are back on their feet! James goes for the standing dropkick, but Severino moves out of the way! What the hell?!?!

Vinegar: I’m sorry ladies and gentlemen, it seems someone has set off the strobe lighting in the arena! Hence the slow motion images you can see now. This makes the match a little more challenging to call. Severino whips Dylan James to the far post. He charges at him, but is met with a boot to the face!

Hanson: I’m not surprised. One second DJ’s foot was on the canvas, the next it was in Severino’s face! Will somebody please sort the goddamn lighting out?! No one can dodge a move they don’t see coming!

Vinegar: Dylan James managed it. Nonetheless, Dylan James grabs Severino for a German suplex, but Severino kicks out backwards and manages to break the hold! He turns quickly -

Hanson: What?! Is someone in the ring?!

Vinegar: Severino grabs Dylan James by the throat! He raises him in the air! He’s going for the The Rise Of Brutality -WAIT! Someone just kicked him in the gut causing him to break the hold!! Hazel East cannot keep control in these conditions, someone sort out the lights!!!

Hanson: Whomever it is has now faced Diamond Jack and grabbed him across his shoulders and neck - WHAT THE HELL?!

Vinegar: WAS THAT THE SATANIC CONVERSION?

Hanson: Ut damn sure looked like it!! Dylan James goes for the cover!!!

1….


Hanson: The lights are back on and look who’s standing on the ramp!!!

2.....

Vinegar: IT’S AESC THE DARK!?!?!?

Hanson: Hazel East’s hand hits the canvas for the final time!!!!!

THREEE!!!!!

Dennis: HERE ARE YOUR WINNERS, VIA PINFALL, CHRISTINA ADAMS AND ‘HARDCORE’ DYLAAAAAAN JAAAAAMES!!!

Vinegar: Dylan James rises to his feet! He’s looking directly at Aesc, the being we have not seen since No Holds Barred. They have just nodded to one another!

Hanson: What the hell was that all about?! Severino just got screwed!

Vinegar: And it seems we have a new and unlikely partnership in the making! I can’t wait to find out more about this pairing! What the hell do The Hardcore One and The Dark One have in common?!

'Hardcore' Dylan James and Christina Adams: 5

'Diamond' Jack Severino and Gabrielle: 4

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Backstage, Donovan Hastings can be seen stretching his arms, while Calypso Desmona watches on, licking her lips. Within moments, Cara Costello, with Aragato at her side, move into view.

Cara: Donovan...

Hastings turns to the acting GM and sneers unpleasantly. He then goes back to stretching his arms.

Hastings: What did I tell you about addressing me as 'Donovan'?

Cara: I know we've let you down... but I... I wanted to ask for your help.

Hastings: HA! What does Miss Costello need?

Cara: I would have booked tonight's triple threat as a handicap match, except I know you and Komosube wouldn't want that.

Hastings: And your point?

Cara: My point is that you and him need to work together. I don't want to give Roberts any reason to brag more than he already does -

Hastings: Miss Costello, I will do everything in my power to make sure Travis Roberts walks out of this arena a loser. Of that, you have my word.

Cara: You're dodging the issue.

Hastings: Trust me, young mistress, you don't want me to address the issue!

Cara: Well... there was one other thing...

Hastings now bursts into hysterical laughter. After several moments, he settles down and turns to Cara, grinning broadly.

Hastings: Yes, miss?

Cara: Well, I know your match is right before the main event, but I was thinking that -

Hastings: That maybe I'd lend some assistance to Deathman?

Cara: Well... yeah...

Hastings: HA!

Cara: It's just that... that... well, Savage isn't even at the arena. He doesn't trust that I'll be able to keep the Whites away from him.

Hastings: Because you won't!

Cara: Well it's not like I'm getting much help, is it?!

Hastings smashes his palm into the wall, right beside Cara's head, causing Aragato to instantly draw a kendo stick to The Lord Of Pain's head. Hastings looks from Aragato to Cara, his eyes sharpened in annoyance.

Hastings: Yeah? Well, join the club.

Hastings snickers and heads out of shot, Desmona following close behind.

Cara: This is not going well...

Aragato: Hdfphkr graott mkkfgo...

Cara: Tell me about it.

The camera then cuts back to the arena area, where both Vinegar and Hanson look perplexed and concerned.

Vinegar: It seems the tension within Global Domination is rising every week!

Hanson: That Lord Hastings is out of line! I'm a fan of the guy, but Miss Costello tells you to jump, you ask if she'd like a hoop with that!

Vinegar: Can't say I agree. But regardless, it's time for our next match. We’re going to see the debut of Prototype!

Hanson: You mean VL4332323442244454, don’t you Nick?

Vinegar: I am not announcing him like that...

Hanson: Why the hell not?

Vinegar: Well... frankly... it’s really long.

Hanson: Hey Nick, it’s your job to do these things properly! You might tick him off by not calling him his programmed name!

“Knights Of Cydonia” smashes into play throughout the T.D. Banknorth Garden and the fans begin cheering excitedly in response.

Vinegar: Let’s just get started with the match. Out comes the young up and comer Levi Witham!

Dennis: The following match is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, currently residing in Salt Lake City, Utah and weighing 210 pounds... LEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVIIIIIIIIIIII WWWWWWIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAMMMMM!!!As

Vinegar: Here he comes, sprinting down to the ramp. Witham slides under the bottom rope and quickly jumps on to the nearby turnbuckle and reaches his arm’s to the sky! You can tell the kid just loves being here.

Hanson: And I bet his fans would love it if he actually won a match...

Vinegar: Don’t be so negative. He’s 15 years old and has the entire world ahead of him.

“Away” smashes into play, as the fans again begin cheering, although not as loudly as the reaction that marked Levi Witham’s arrival. Soon VL4332323442244454 and Aaron Kizz emerge from the curtains

Dennis: And his opponent, from the Chop Shop and weighing 276 pounds, he is the Prototype... VL4332323442244454!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hanson: Look at him! He is chiselled!!! Alongside his owner Aaron Kizz, how can this guy be stopped?!

Vinegar: He is a robot you know?

Hanson: Yeah, yeah, it‘s all technicalities, Nick. Just look at him! If the future robots are like this, I hope we don’t have Terminator on our ass!!! He get’s into the ring and - what is he doing? Ha, Ha, ha!!! He’s busting out the robot!!!

Vinegar: Do you even know what that is?

Hanson *standing up and doing the robot* What do you think? OW!!!

Vinegar: You don't wanna know... Meanwhile VL4332323442244454 just grabbed Levi under his armpits and threw him over the top rope and out of the ring! What strength?!

Hanson *sitting back down*: Hell yeah, Nick. I haven’t seen that kind of strength since Komosube swung Brandon Brown like a baseball bat those weeks ago.

Vinegar: There you go, again. Always kissing somebody’s ass...

Hanson: I have to, so he doesn’t come out here and sit on you!

Vinegar: Thank... I guess... Meanwhile, Witham shaking his head, trying to shake the cob webs out. Look out Levi! He’s coming after you!!!

Hanson: Can’t you hear the Terminator theme playing in your head? He’s coming in for the kill!

Peterson: Five! Six!

Vinegar: Witham rolls into the ring, but the Termi - Prototype, I should say - is close on his trail! And a drop kick to the Prototype’s head. NO AFFECT! Damn you Daniel, you got me calling him Terminator! But Witham isn’t quitting! He quickly gives Prototype a stiff running elbow in the face! Ouch! That looks like it hurt Witham just as much as it did Prototype!

Hanson: I think Prototype is starting to get overheated! Just look at him. He is pissed! He lifts Levi into a torture rack! But, Levi is trying to scramble free!

Vinegar: He drops behind the Prototype and nails a back cracker!!! Impressive move from the young gun!! I could feel it from here!

Hanson: Oh, that’s just your old age. What’s Levi doing? He’s impersonating VL4332323442244454 by doing the robot! Just making fun of the pain VL4332323442244454 is in!!

Vinegar: Witham leaps to the top rope, stares at Aaron Kizz. Points to the Prototype, and OH MY GOD! A HUGE SHURIKEN PRESS!

Hanson: BUT NO!!! PROTOTYPE ROLLED CLEAR AND PICKS UP LEVI BY HIS HEAD! WAIT, WHAT?!?!?!

Vinegar: A QUICK LDW AND A COVER OUT OF NOWHERE!!!!!! AARON KIZZ IS SHOCKED AND TRYING TO GET IN THE RING, BUT IT’S TOO LATE!!!!

Peterson: ONE!!! TWO!!!!!! THREE!!!!!!!!!

Vinegar: Kizz drops an elbow on Witham, but it’s too late! Levi has picked up his first victory, since Infinity!!!

Dennis: AND YOUR WINNER, VIA PINFALL... LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVVVVVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII WWWWWWWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!

Vinegar: Levi kicks Aaron in the stomach and rolls out of the ring and walks backwards up the ramp. What an impressive win by Levi?!?! This must be a terrific moment for that young man!

Hanson: It's been months since we've heard that! That was cheating, Nick! He cheated to win! He had to!

Vinegar: Your just bitter that your man didn’t win!

Hanson: Leave me alone...

Levi Witham: 5

Prototype: 4

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Backstage, Andy Savana can be seen staring into a mirror.

Savana: Yeah, I know that. Don't worry, I'm going to be fine... yes... yes... no! Well I'm aware of that, but it won't matter! Tonight the Hardcore Championship is m... NO! Look, just give it a ARGH!!!!!

Vinegar: WITHOUT WARNING KOMOSUBE JUST CHARGED INTO FRAME AND SMASHED SAVANA'S HEAD INTO THAT MIRROR!!!

Hanson: And Savana is now lying motionless on the floor!

Vinegar: Komosube marching gruffly from the scene. It seems GIW's most psychotic superstar has made the wrong sumo angry!! But will Savana still be able to compete in the Hardcore Title gauntlet match, now?! He's bleeding from the head!!

Hanson: Who cares? It's only Savana. Meanwhile, we have a mystery to solve!

Vinegar: That we do, as it's now time for the Women's Championship match, where Misery defends against a mystery opponent. I'm concerned for Savana though...

Hanson: Don't be.

Several eerie musical notes now begin playing throughout the TD Banknorth Garden, accompanied by a chorus of boos from the fans in the building. The lights then turn dark and when they return, Misery can be seen kneeling in the centre of the ring, holding the GIW Women's Championship belt in the air.

Dennis: The following match is scheduled foe one fall and is for the GIW WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP! Introducing first, representing Global Domination, from The Pit, the GIW WOMEN'S CHAMPION... MISERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRY!!!!!!

Vinegar: Misery in the ring. She looks as dangerous as ever, here tonight.

Hanson: But who is the opponent going to be, Nick? Kat hasn't wrestled tonight. Neither has Calypso Desmona! Maybe even Miss Costello herself?!

Vinegar: We're about to find out, Daniel!

"Why Can't We Be Friends" smashes into play. Brandon McSkinny leaps from the curtains, throwing his arms in the air and skipping all over the stage. A stunned silence falls over the arena.

Hanson: No way...

Vinegar: ...

Dennis: And... erm... from Los Angeles, California and weighing 128 pounds... Brandon McSkinny?

Vinegar: McSkinny rolling into the ring here and putting his fists up, as if this were a boxing match. He's serious, Daniel! McSkinny is the challenger!!!!!

Hanson: This... is... unbelievable...

Vinegar: I have to agree. I never thought even Cara would stoop this low...

Hanson: You didn't let me finish, Nick. Unbelievably AMAZING!!

Vinegar: Oh God...

Hanson: SKINNY FOR MAN CHAMP!!!

Vinegar: The bell rings and this one is underway. Old Man Hermit has the belt and there's a possibility he may be handing it over to Skinny!

Hanson: Not likely.

Vinegar: Touché, as Skinny is now challenging Misery to put up her dukes. The Horrifying Glamorous Devil Doll gladly complies and smashes a fist straight into Skinny's face! The Skinny One has been knocked flat on his back and I think he's unconscious!

Hanson: What else did you expect? He's Skinny!

Vinegar: But I don't think Misery is done! She's pulling him up and lifting him into a gorilla press!! Misery throws Skinny into the corner, like he was a simple rag doll!!

Hanson: I think that crash landing may have snapped him in half! Poor little Skinny!

Vinegar: He seems completely unconscious, as Misery is pulling him back up again. She's hoisting him over his shoulder AND DELIVERS THE BREAK A BITCH!!!

Hanson: SHE DID!

Vinegar: And now Misery covers! This one is done folks. ONE! TWO! THRE - NO!!! MISERY PULLED SKINNY'S SHOULDER OFF THE MAT AND BROKE THE COUNT!!

Hanson: I guess she's not done inflicting the pain on Skinny! What a woman?!

Vinegar: A cruel one, I would say. She has the match won and there's no need to prolong this. Of course, by the company she keeps, I can't say I'm surprised.

Hanson: Lord Deathman will EAT your soul!!!

Vinegar: That's a disturbing thought...

Hanson: And now she's dragging Skinny to the middle of the ring. Jeez, the kid looks like he's dead...

Vinegar: He always looks like that after the first five seconds of his match...

Hanson: AND NOW MISERY IS SITTING ON SKINNY'S HEAD!!! SHE'S GOT HER BUTT PLANTED RIGHT IN HIS FACE!!!

Vinegar: And that harlot is telling East to make the count!! Dammit, this is just humiliating the poor guy!!!

Hanson: ARE YOU NUTS?! HAVING MISERY ON TOP OF HIM LIKE THAT?! THIS IS THE GREATEST MOMENT OF SKINNY'S CAREER! HELL, I WISH IT WAS MY CAREER!! Besides, how could anything be more humiliating than Skinny having to compete for the Women's Title?

Vinegar: I suppose you raise a valid point... ONE! TWO! THREE! This one is done! Misery will be holding onto that Title for at least another week.

Hanson: And Skinny will be remembering this match for much longer than a week!!

Vinegar: I think he lost consciousness after the first move...

Hanson: Now that's just a tease!

Misery: 5

Brandon McSkinny: 3

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Backstage the camera reveals Brandon Brown in a Mister Rogers sweater, stretching his legs on a wooden crate. Big B stands only feet away, his arm elbow deep in a bag of Doritos. The Boston fans cheer loudly at the sight of the duo.

Big B: It's finally here, Brandon. *munch munch* Your *chomp* chance to regain the Global Heavyweight *munch* Championship.

Brandon: No B... our chance to win back the Global Heavyweight Championship.

Big B: Hell yeah, Brandon! *munch* You know The *chomp chomp* 500 Pound Wrecking *munch* Machine has your *chomp* back!

: Excuse me?!

Brandon: Oh shi -

: What did you just say, porky?!

Cara Costello, still accompanied by Aragato, enters the frame. Her hands are pressed to her hips and she seems to be in a very irritable mood.

Cara: You think you've 'got his back' chunky butt?! I specifically barred any interference assisting Brandon from tonight's main event!

Big B: Hey, you little *munch* stick insect, you barred *munch* the Whites, BoolZ and *chomp* Austin from the match. Last I *munch* checked, I'm not any of those guys.

Cara: Well consider this your notice! If anyone involves themselves in that match on behalf of Brandon Brown, he'll automatically be disqualified and lose his chance at the Title!

Big B: YOU CAN'T *munch* DO THAT!

Cara: Just did!

Cara winks mockingly at the Brown cousins and then exits the frame, with Aragato in toe.

Brandon: What a bitc -

The camera cuts back to the familiar faces of Nicholas Vinegar and Daniel Hanson. The former of which looks ready to kill, while the latter cannot contain his enormous smile.

Vinegar: Things just got a whole lot worse for Brandon Brown...

Hanson: And a whole lot easier for Lord Deathman!

"Fucking In The Bushes" smashes into play and the T.D Banknorth Garden fills with cheers. Chris Austin soon enters the arena area, the GIW Hardcore Championship around his waist. His mouth is etched in a rigidly straight line, clearly indicating he is prepared for the oncoming challenge.

Dennis: The following match is a five man gauntlet match for the GIW HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP! Introducing the first entrant, currently residing in San Diego, California and weighing 210 pounds, The King Of Kama Sutra, the GIW HARDCORE CHAMPION... CHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIS AAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUSTIN!!!!!!

Vinegar: Austin sliding into the ring here and he clearly looks very tense. This is the biggest challenge he's faced in Global Impact Wrestling!

Hanson: Absolutely right. All of his opponents, especially Sean Jensen, are tough enough in a singles match. But Austin will have to beat all four of them in a row, if he wants to keep that Title!!! The dude doesn't have a chance. Miss Costello is a genius!

Vinegar: It's certainly a steep, perilous mountain Austin has to climb here tonight, but if there's anything Austin has taught us in the four months he'd held that Title, it's that you can never count him out.

"Paint It Black" now begins playing and the arena fills with cheers once more. As the chorus begins playing, Jack Ryans marches out from the curtains, waving to the nearby fans on his way down the ramp.

Dennis: And the number two entry, currently residing in Langley, Virginia and weighing 240 pounds, The Watchman... JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRYANS!!!!!

Vinegar: Well it seems The Watchman is going to be the first opponent for Chris Austin to face. Just a reminder of the rules for you folks at home. Whoever wins this fall - by pin or submission - as this is a hardcore match - will remain in the bout and face the number three entrant. This cycle will continue until every competitor has entered the match and the winner of the final fall will become the GIW Hardcore Champion!

Hanson: Which means it's a HUGE advantage to be the number five entrant! You only have to beat one man and he'll already be tired out!

Vinegar: Right you are, as Ryans is in the ring. Peterson raising the Hardcore Title belt in the air and now passing it to Hermit, as the bell sounds. Jack and Austin exchange a quick handshake and then begin circling the ring. Both these men amazing technical athletes and as tough as nails in a hardcore environment. It'll be interesting to see how this fall plays out.

Hanson: Well both men lock up and Ryans with a headlock. It seems they're taking the more traditional approach to begin this bad boy!

Vinegar: But Austin pushes Ryans into the ropes. The Watchman comes back and Austin takes him down with an elbow to the skull! Ryans is quick back up and Austin looks for a spinning thrust kick. Ryans evades and saves himself! Now The Watchman bounces of the ropes and looks for the Covert Ops! Austin rolls out of danger's path and smashes Ryans with a dropkick!!

Hanson: And The Watchman goes stumbling into the turnbuckle. AUSTIN CHARGES WITH A SOCAL GUTCHECK!!!

Vinegar: But Ryans leaps out of the way and Austin goes shoulder first into the corner!! Ryans instantly pulls him out and delivers a modified spine buster, slamming Austin straight down on that left shoulder that just hit the metal post!

Hanson: Smart move by Ryans. He may be a lot of things, but stupid ain't one of 'em. He's gonna work that shoulder over to high hell now!

Vinegar: I think you're right, as he's stomping and kicking away at Austin's shoulder! But The King Of Kama Sutra quickly rolls out of the ring to buy himself some space. But Ryans goes diving between the top and middle ropes and crashing straight down on top of the Hardcore Champ! This match has been insane and we're only minutes in!!

Hanson: Now Jack is pulling Austin up and he shoves him shoulder first into the safety barrier!! That Ryans is one cold, calculating son of a gun!

Vinegar: Too true, as he grabs Austin by the head and is - NO! Austin with his good arm smashes an elbow into Jack's midsection. AND NOW A MIC CHECK STO SENDS RYANS FACE FIRST INTO THE SAFETY BARRIER!!!

Hanson: Damn! That one must have hurt like hell!!

Vinegar: And now Austin is searching under the ring for some type of weapon. he's got a steel chair! It was only a matter of time until this one degenerated into a street fight! Jack getting back up and Austin swings that chair! Ryans dives out of the way and the metal connects with nothing, but the safety barrier! Now Ryans heading back to the ring, but Austin right on his tail! Both men in the ring, but Jack rips the chair from Austin's grip! BANG! The Hardcore Champ cops a chair shot right to the forehead and eats the mat!

Hanson: That one echoed throughout the entire arena. Austin is hurting now and Jack is setting the chair up in the centre of the ring. What, does he need a rest already?!

Vinegar: Not likely. He's now pulling Austin up AND LOOKING FOR A DDT ONTO THAT CHAIR!!! BUT AUSTIN COUNTERS WITH A BACK BODY DROP AND DUMPS RYANS RIGHT ON HIS HEAD!!!

Hanson: Just brutal! But dammit, Ryans is getting straight back up! How do these guys do it?!

Vinegar: And Ryans charges at Austin, BUT AUSTIN WITH A TILT-A-WHIRL BACKBREAKER SPINS AROUND MID-MOVE AND PLANTS RYANS ONTO THAT SETUP CHAIR!!! NOW AUSTIN IS GOING UP TOP!!! HE COMES BACK WITH THE MONEY SHOT, BUT RYANS ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY!!!!

Hanson: BOOM! AUSTIN JUST ATE NOTHING, BUT MAT!

Vinegar: And now Ryans is pulling himself up and grabbing that chair. He's folding it up and is on the advance towards Austin! BUT THE HARDCORE CHAMP OUT OF NOWHERE SPRINGS TO HIS FEET AND HITS THE SOCAL GUTCHECK INTO THE CHAIR, DRIVING IT STRAIGHT INTO RYANS!!!

Hanson: And Austin had to sacrifice his other shoulder into that chair to hit that move! Now both his shoulders are going to be aching!!

Vinegar: But it's not enough to keep the Champ down! He's pulling Jack up AND HITS THE SD DRIVER ONTO THE CHAIR!!!! HE MAKES THE COVER ON JACK!!! ONE!!! TWO!!! THREE!!!!! AUSTIN HAS WON THE FIRST FALL!!!!

Denis: The winner of the first fall, via pinfall... CHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIS AAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUSTIN!!!!

Hanson: WOW! Jack is out of this thing, but Austin still has three more men to get through in order to retain his Title! And with both his arms in pain, there's no way he can do it!

Jack Ryans: -2

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

The world is a vampire.

Sent to drain.

Secret destroyers.

Hold you up to the flames.

The T.D. Banknorth Garden erupts into frenetic cheers, as Andy Savana makes his way onto the stage, a bandage on his forehead covering his earlier wound. He cracks his neck, pops his shoulders and then begins jogging down the ramp.

Dennis: And the number three entrant, from Houston, Texas and weighing in at 244 pounds... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANDY SAVANAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Hanson: You mean Austin doesn't even get a break?! Jack's still laying there dazed in the ring!

Vinegar: No rests whatsoever. That's what makes this match so damn difficult for Austin!

Hanson: Ha! I bet our GM is loving this!

Vinegar: I have to agree, as much as the thought sickens me. Although I must say I'm pleased that Savana is out here, despite being assaulted by Komosube earlier this evening. Then again, I shouldn't be surprised. It takes a hell of a lot to keep Andy Savana down! Now he slides into the ring and quickly gets to his feet. But Austin is waiting and hits an enziguri out of nowhere, sending Savana toppling through the ropes and right back to the outside! Now Austin climbing the ropes AND A SWANTON BOMB FROM THE ROPES TO THE OUTSIDE AND CRASHING DOWN ON TOP OF SAVANA!!! AUSTIN COVERS ALREADY!!!

Hanson: UNREAL!! HERE COMES PETERSON OUT OF THE RING, BECAUSE FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE IN A HARDCORE MATCH!!!

Vinegar: ONE! TWO! THRE - SAVANA KICKS OUT JUST IN TIME!!! MY GOD, THE FALL NEARLY ENDED RIGHT THERE!!!

Hanson: And look at Austin's face! He's irritated! He knows it would have been a huge advantage if he could have defeated Savana like that! The longer this match goes, the less likely it is he'll retain the Title!

Vinegar: This is one of those rare times when you're spot on, Daniel. He injured two limbs taking out Ryans and he can't afford to take on much more damage. He now pulls Savana up and slams him face first into the ring steps. Now Austin looking under the ring for the second time in this match. He's pulled out a trash can!!

Hanson: And he just slammed it into Savana's head! That deranged serial killer just fell to the floor like a sack of crap!

Vinegar: Interesting description, but nonetheless, Andy is down, here. Austin looking to hit him again, but Savana raises a leg and kicks the Champ right in the gut! Austin keels down to his knees and Savana scrambles back to a vertical base. THUMP! A stiff right hand to Austin's face sends the King Of Kama Sutra toppling into the ring steps. Savana quickly grabs the left arm of Austin AND BEGINS TO TORQUE IT WITHOUT MERCY!!!

Hanson: And Austin is literally screaming out in agony! Savana was obviously watching this match in the back and it's paying off now!

Vinegar: But Savana knows Austin won't submit, despite the pain being inflicted. He releases the hold and instead slams Austin by the shoulder into the steps! The Hardcore Champion in real trouble here, as his arm is clearly giving him tremendous amounts of pain. Savana takes him by the hair, but Austin stomps on his toes!! NOW AUSTIN LOOING FOR A POWER SLAM INTO THE RING STEPS - BUT HE DOESN'T HAVE THE STRENGTH!!! SAVANA AND AUSTIN BOTH GO TOPPLING TO THE FLOOR!!!

Hanson: Austin's arms have been too beat up to lift his opponent up. How can he do the SD Driver now?!

Vinegar: I don't suppose he can. But luckily for Austin this is a hardcore match and there are other ways to finish an opponent! He's climbed out from underneath Andy and is picking up that trash can!

Hanson: But Savana grabs him by the tights and the neck from behind! He charges full speed at the safety barrier AND SENDS AUSTIN HURTLING INTO THE AUDIENCE!!!!

Vinegar: MY GOD, AUSTIN JUST WENT FLYING INTO A WHOLE GROUP OF FRONT ROW FANS!!! THERE'S ABOUT SIX PEOPLE LAID OUT AND ONE OF THEM IS THE HARDCORE CHAMPION!!!

Hanson: But Savana's not done yet!! He's climbing over the barricade and going after Austin in the audience!!

Vinegar: But Austin isn't having any of it! He's taken a chair from one of those fans, folded it up and BAM!!! Straight into Savana's face!! Now Austin takes hold of Savana’s skull, bends him over and is blasting away at his face with a barrage of right and left knee shots!! But Savana powers out and shoves Austin violently to the floor!!!

Hanson: Austin is getting up, but Savana punches him right in the face!! Austin returns the favour, ignoring the pain that shoots through his arm!!

Vinegar: And now a brawl has erupted here!! Austin and Savana are fist fighting their way through the thousands of fans that have joined us here tonight!!

Hanson: And look at them go!!! Punch for punch, but Andy seems to be inflicting more damage!! Either way these guys are heading for the exit now!!!!

Vinegar: This is madness!! Austin and Savana are now out in the lobby and thank God our cameramen are so well trained, or else we might not have even been able to keep up!!

Hanson: And they’ve been punching the stuffing out of each other the entire way!!

Vinegar: And now Savana grabs Austin by the throat and BAM!!! He just threw the Hardcore Champ smashing into a vending machine!!! Soda cans have gone rolling everywhere, as the plastic cover of that machine just exploded!

Hanson: And Austin goes stumbling out, but he grabbed a can of Red Bull as he did so!!! SMASH! Right into Savana’s forehead!!!

Vinegar: Now Austin grabs the dazed Savana and is dragging him towards the exit of the arena!!! HOLY SHIT!!! AUSTIN JUST THROUGH SAVANA SMASHING THROUGH THE GLASS WALL OF THE GARDEN!! SAVANA HAS NOW GONE ROLLING INTO THE PARKING LOT!!!

Hanson: And Austin is following him out there!!! I think there are still bits of glass stuck in Savana’s body!!!

Vinegar: That’s highly likely, but now Austin is walking straight past Andy. Is he too out of it to even know what he’s doing?!

Hanson: Oh no, Nick! Just the opposite. He’s got something big planned. HE’S CLIMBING ON TOP OF THAT SEMI-TRAILER!!!!

Vinegar: DON’T DO IT, AUSTIN!!! THINK OF YOUR CAREER!!! HOLY SHIT NO!!!! AUSTIN LEAPS FROM THE TRUCK WITH THE MONEY SHOT!!!! BUT ANDY ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY!!!!! AUSTIN GOES CRASHING DOWN FACE FIRST SOME FIFTEEN FEET IN THE AIR INTO SOLID CONCRETE!!!!

Hanson: THAT’S IT, HE’S DEAD!!!

Vinegar: AND SAVANA ROLLS HIM OVER!!!! AUSTIN IS COMPLETELY UNCONSCIOUS!!!! HERE’S PETERSON, AS SAVANA DROPS AN ARM OVER THE HARDCORE CHAMP!!! ONE!!!! THERE’S NO WAY AUSTIN CAN KICK OUT!!!! TWO!!!! THE LONGEST TITLE REIGN IN GIW HISTORY HAS COME TO A CLOSE!!! THREE!!!!!!!! IT’S OVER!!!!! AUSTIN IS OUT OF THE MATCH!!!!

Dennis: The winner of the second fall, via pinfall... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANDY SAVANAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

Hanson: MISS COSTELLO IS PROBABLY HAVING AN ORGASM RIGHT NOW!!! CHRIS AUSTIN IS NO LONGER THE HARDCORE CHAMPION!!!!

Vinegar: BUT WHAT THE HELL?!?! AS SAVANA GETS BACK UP, A CHAIR SHOT OUT OF NOWHERE SENDS HIM CRASHING BACK DOWN!!!

Chris Austin: -2

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Hanson: It’s Sean Jensen!! My pick to win this match is out here and he just blind sighted Savana and cracked a chair over his head!!

Vinegar: Jensen must be the next competitor in the match! He must have been following these two the entire time!

Hanson: Jensen is always planning ahead! But this means BoolZ will be coming out last!! Lucky him!

Vinegar: And Dr. Professor with an entire team of paramedics are rushing out here to check on Austin, who still hasn’t moved at all. Meanwhile Jensen is dragging Savana further into the parking lot. He’s dropped him in the middle of the driving lane and is dashing away. What’s happened here?!

Hanson: A CAR AT THE OTHER END OF THE LANE JUST REVVED IT’S ENGINE!!! THAT BLACK CORVETTE IS RACING AT TOP SPEED STRAIGHT AT SAVANA!!!!

Vinegar: SAVANA GETTING UP AND LITERALLY LOOKS LIKE A DEER CAUGHT IN THE HEADLIGHTS!!!! BUT HE ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY AT THE LAST SECOND AND THAT CORVETTE GOES CRASHING INTO THE BACK OF A PARKED CAR INSTEAD!!!

Hanson: HOW MUCH DAMAGE IS MISS COSTELLO GOING TO BE HELD LIABLE FOR BEFORE THIS MATCH IS OVER?!

Vinegar: We’ll just have to wait and see, as Savana pulled open the driver’s sdoor of that crashed corvette. NATHANIEL GREGORY IS DRIVING IT!!!

Hanson: See, that’s why you always gotta pick Sean Jensen! He always has a plan! Uh oh...

Vinegar: Savana just pulled Gregory out of that car and slammed his head through the door window!!! Now he kicks the door shut, crushing Gregory in the process!! But the distraction allows Jensen to hit a dropkick from behind! Savana bounces into the car and then goes crumpling to the concrete!! And now Jensen is smashing away at him with a barrage of stomps!!

Hanson: Jensen is fresh here and is really working a number on Savana! Andy is obviously feeling the pain after all the abuse he has taken tonight.

Vinegar: But stomps, as fond as Jensen is of them, won’t win him the match. He’s realised that and is pulling Savana up to his feet. He’s dragging Andy towards that semi-trailer and BAM! Just threw him face first into it!! Now Jensen is grabbing that steel chair, as Andy is struggling back to his feet. BAM! Jensen just smashed that chair over Savana’s head a second time!

Hanson: Jensen is in ultimate control here. Savana can’t land a single attack!

Vinegar: And now Jensen is opening up the back door of the trailer on that truck. Savana groggily getting up, AND JENSEN SWINGS THAT GIANT STEEL DOOR RIGHT INTO HIS FACE!!! SAVANA GOES TUMBLING RIGHT BACK DOWN!

Hanson: But what’s this?! There’s a wombat in that trailer!! IT CHARGES AND CRASH TACKLES JENSEN TO THE CONCRETE!!!

Vinegar: And now that wombat is making a run for it!! What the hell was it doing in there?! Meanwhile Savana has been given the opportunity he needed. He’s getting back up, but so is Jensen! Jensen charges full speed, but Andy is ready and counters with a drop toe hold!!! Jensen face first into the concrete AND ANDY LOCKS IN THE CRIPPLER CROSS FACE!!!! SAVANA IS RIPPING AND TEARING AND JENSEN MAY HAVE NO CHOICE, BUT TO TAP!!!!

Hanson: WELL SAVANA IS OUR CLOSET THING TO CHRIS BENOIT! A GREAT WRESTLER IN THE RING, BUT A HOMICIDAL MANIAC OUTSIDE IT!!! COME ON JENSEN, DON’T GIVE UP!!!!!

Vinegar: HE MAY NOT HAVE A CHOICE!!! JENSEN IS LOWERING HIS HAND!!! HE’S RESISTING AS MUCH AS HE CAN, BUT THE PAIN IS TOO MUCH!!! HE TAP - NATHANIEL GREGORY WITH A BOOT TO THE HEAD BREAKS THE HOLD!!! DAMMIT, ANDY HAD THE FALL WON!!!

Hanson: You don’t know that!! Jensen was probably just lulling him into a false sense of security!

Vinegar: That’s complete bullshit! And now Gregory roughly yanks Savana up by the hair, BUT SAVANA COUNTERS WITH A SIT DOWN JAWBREAKER!!!

Hanson: Oh no, not Nate G!!!

Vinegar: Gregory goes tumbling backwards, before Savana grabs him and whips him full force at Jensen!!! JENSEN JUST GOT CRUSHED BETWEEN THAT SEMI-TRAILER AND HIS MANAGER!!! SAVANA’S COMEBACK HAS STARTED, FOLKS!!!

Hanson: And Gregory falls uselessly to the side, while Savana charges full force at Jensen and cracks him right into that trailer with a stiff shoulder block! Jensen’s fallen to the ground here, Nick, and he looks hurt!!

Vinegar: I’m sure he is hurt, after Savana nearly ripped his head off with that cross face! Now Savana pulls him up, but The Real Innovator with a fist straight to the groin!!! Savana just cried out in pain and placed both hands over his janglies!

Hanson: BUT HERE COMES JENSEN WITH THE CALI DRIVER!!!

Vinegar: ON THE CONCRETE?!?! THAT’LL KILL SAVANA!!! BUT ANDY COUNTERS AND DUMPS JENSEN STRAIGHT ON HIS BACK ON THAT CONCRETE!!!

Hanson: NOT JENSEN!!! HE DOESN’T DESERVE THIS!!!

Vinegar: Andy goes on the attack AND LOOKS FOR THE CROSS FACE ONCE MORE! NO!! THE MAD HATTER OF VIOLENCE ROLLS TO SAFETY AND CRAWLS UNDER THAT TRAILER TO GET AWAY FROM SAVANA!!!!

Hanson: But Savana’s crawling right underneath there after him!!!

Vinegar: Our camera man is dashing around the trailer to not miss a second of the action. He gets to the other side, just as Jensen is back to his feet. Mr. Innovator waiting for Savana, poised to attack... but Andy’s not coming?!

Hanson: He can’t have just disappeared!!

Vinegar: SAVANA FROM BEHIND THE CAMERA, CHARGES AT JENSEN AND TURNS HIM INSIDE OUT WITH A DERANGED CLOTHESLINE!!! SAVANA USED SOME MISDIRECTION AND GOT THE ADVANTAGE OVER THE REAL INNOVATOR!!!

Hanson: Woah! Who would have thought Andy Savana could pull together such a clever plan?! Oh wait, he didn’t... Gregory has grabbed him from behind and got him in a full nelson hold!!

Vinegar: Dammit, Savana is struggling to get free, but he can’t! And now Jensen has pulled out some brass knuckles from his jeans! He’s slipping his fingers through them and swings at Savana - NO! SAVANA SLIPS FREE AT THE LAST MOMENT AND FOR THE SECOND WEEK IN A ROW, NATHANIEL GREGORY TASTES THOSE BRASS KNUCKLES!!! JENSEN IS HORRIFIED AT WHAT HE’S DONE AND SAVANA CAPITALISES WITH A SCHOOL BOY ROLL UP FROM BEHIND!!! ONE!! TWO!!! THREE!!!! MY GOD, SAVANA GETS THE FALL!!!!!

Hanson: NO!!! PLEASE NO!!!!

Dennis: The winner of the third fall, via pinfall... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANDY SAVANAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

Vinegar: OUT OF NOWHERE, JUST LIKE THAT, JENSEN’S ASPIRATIONS OF WINNING THE HARDCORE TITLE HAVE COME CRASHING TO AN END!!!

Hanson: AND LOOK AT HIS FACE!! HE’S FURIOUS!!!

Vinegar: AND LOOK AT SAVANA’S FACE!!! HE KNOWS HE’S NOW ONLY ONE FALL AWAY FROM HIS FIRST GIW CHAMPIONSHIP!!!!

Sean Jensen: 2

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

The lights of the T.D. Banknorth Garden dim, as the sound of a Red Bull can popping and a Zippo lighter being ignited sound over the P.A. system. "Wonder What's Next" kicks into play and Randy Boolzian marches onto the arena stage, receiving a huge ovation from the Boston audience.

Dennis: And finally, entrant number five, from Oceanside, California and weighing 220 pounds, The Red Bull Icon... RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRANDY BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLZIAN!!!!!

Vinegar: Well the camera has to cut back inside the arena, as BoolZ makes his entrance, but Andy Savana is still out in the parking lot!

Hanson: BoolZ doesn't seem too concerned. Has he even been paying attention or is he just too tripped out from a Red Bull overdose?!

Vinegar: Well he's not entering the ring for what it's worth... he's heading around it and making his way over to us!

Hanson: He's calling for a mic! BoolZ has something to say!

Vinegar: And Dennis promptly hands the device to RBI. BoolZ taking a quick chug of his Red Bull, before resting it on our announce table.

Hanson: Maybe I should sneak it!

Vinegar: I wouldn't.

BoolZ: Alright Andy, I know you're out in the parking lot, but I know the boys in the sound truck are gonna be playing this broadcast across the entire arena, so you can hear me. Now what do you say you come down here and we settle this one inside the ring? That's where this little shindig began and I say that's where it ends! What do ya say, Savana?!

Hanson: That BoolZ is so arrogant! He can't just demand Savana get back to the ring!

Vinegar: I don't think he was demanding anything, Daniel. He was just issuing the challenge. It's up to Andy if he accepts, as RBI drops his cigarette in that can of Red Bull, tosses the mic away and climbs into the ring. You still want to swipe it?

Hanson: I'll pass. Then again, it might make me a smooth fifty bucks on ebay! STEAL!

Vinegar: Well folks, Hanson just lowered himself to all new levels of shame by stealing that can of Red Bull. Meanwhile, we're still not sure if Savana is gonna come out here or not!

Hanson: You're just jealous I got hold of it first!

Vinegar: Whatever helps you sleep at night.

Hanson: Hey Nick, I've been meaning to ask. Who exactly is the Hardcore Champion right at this very second? Is it still Austin until the closing bell sounds or is Savana the official Champion right now?

Vinegar: I'm not entirely sure, to be honest. I would think that right now we don't have a Hardcore Champion. Austin has lost it, but neither BoolZ nor Savana have won the match to claim it as their own.

Hanson: Whatever. They should just give it to Jens -

The world is a vampire.

Sent to drain.

Secret destroyers.

Hold you up to the flames.

Vinegar: OH MY GOD!! THAT'S ANDY SAVANA'S MUSIC! HERE HE COMES FROM THE CURTAINS AND THESE GREAT FANS ARE GOING BALLISTIC!

Hanson: Look at him marching down the ramp! He's bloody, bandaged, bruised and still got chunks of glass stuck in him! This is gonna be a walk in the park for BoolZ!

Vinegar: I would never, never underestimate Andy Savana. And I'm sure BoolZ won't either. And now Savana slides into the ring. Whoever wins this fall will win the match and the Hardcore Title, as RBI whips Savana into the ropes! BoolZ looks for a hurricarana on the rebound, but Savana counters and smashes RBI into the canvas with a sick power bomb!

Hanson: Now he’s rolling out of the ring, Nick! I guess he’s looking for a weapon.

Vinegar: You guess right, as he just pulled a table out from under the ring! But BoolZ with a baseball slide, kicks Savana right in the face and sends him tumbling into the safety barrier!!

Hanson: Now BoolZ is setting up that table in the ringside area! This is probably gonna end real bad for one of these guys!

Vinegar: BoolZ grabs the still recovering Andy and smashes his face stiffly into that table! Now he rolls Savana onto it and is climbing onto the safety barrier!!

Hanson: But while he’s climbing, Savana gets to his feet on that table!

Vinegar: Right you are and just as BoolZ catches his balance, ANDY LEVELS HIM WITH A FLYING CLOTHESLINE, SENDING BOTH MEN SPIRALLING INTO THE AUDIENCE!!

Hanson: Jeez, why does Savana hate our fans?! This is the second time he’s taken a whole bunch of them out!

Vinegar: And all I can say is that I hope it doesn’t end in a lawsuit!

Hanson: A lawsuit?! By my count we’re looking at around half a dozen so far!

Vinegar: And ladies and gentlemen, I’ve just received word that Chris Austin has reached the nearest hospital in a stable condition. It seems the former Champion is going to be okay and we’ll give you any further updates that we receive!

Hanson: But meanwhile BoolZ and Savana are back at it! BoolZ clotheslines Savana right over the safety barrier and back into the ringside area. Thank God!

Vinegar: And now BoolZ is looking under the ring himself. HE JUST PULLED A LADDER OUT!!

Hanson: Well one guy has already thrown himself off a truck. Might as well do it from a ladder too.

Vinegar: BoolZ is sliding that ladder into the ring, but Savana takes him down with a neck breaker from behind!! Now Savana heading around the ring and picking up that trash can that Austin was using! Making his way back to BoolZ and swings away, but RBI quickly dives back into the ring and out of harm’s way!

Hanson: And BoolZ picks up the chair that Austin and Ryans had earlier! Savana back in the ring and both men swing their respective weapons! BOOM! Both guys just went down, Nick!

Vinegar: Absolutely they did, but BoolZ, being the fresher of the two, is the first to make it back up. He’s taken up that chair and is poised for the attack. Savana getting back up and BOOLZ THROWS IT STRAIGHT INTO HIS FACE!!! RBI FOLLOWS UP BY HITTING TUMBLE WEED INTO THE CHAIR, SMASHING IT STRAIGHT INTO SAVANA’S HEAD!!! WHAT BRILLIANT ATHLETICISM?!?!?!

Hanson: But he’s not done yet!!! Savana gets launched into the corner and now BoolZ goes on the attack!!!

Vinegar: NO FLY ZONE TAKES SAVANA DOWN!!!! BOOLZ IS DOMINATING NOW!!!

Hanson: What the?! He’s leaving the ring and coming over to us!! He’s grabbed that esky beside the table AND HAS PULLED OUT A CAN OF RED BULL!!!

Vinegar: I was wondering who that thing belonged to... nonetheless, BoolZ cracks open that can and is taking a chug.

Hanson: All work and no play makes BoolZ a caffeine withdrawn boy.

Vinegar: I think he heard that...

Hanson: You think I give a shit?

Vinegar: You will if BoolZ decides to make an issue of it - MY GOD!!! OUT OF NOWHERE THAT TRASH CAN JUST WENT SOARING THROUGH THE AIR AND COLLIDING INTO BOOLZ’ SKULL!!! RED BULL HAS BEEN THROWN EVERYWHERE, AS RBI GOES TOPPLING ONTO HIS ASS!!

Hanson: And Savana is in the ring setting up that ladder! Now that he’s done with that, he’s scooped up the chair and is heading out after BoolZ.

Vinegar: And RBI is stumbling back to his feet, after Savana lobbed that trash can right at his head. CRACK!!! SAVANA WITH THAT CHAIR, SMASHES BOOLZ RIGHT IN THE SKULL!!!

Hanson: RBI has been laid out. That’s what happens when you underestimate your opponent!

Vinegar: And Savana rolling BoolZ back into the ring and dragging him towards that ladder. Now Savana is climbing up the thing!!! He’s reached the top AND IS CALLING FOR THE SUICIDE DIVE!!! SAVANA’S SUICIDE DIVE FROM THE LA - NO!!!! BOOLZ GRABS THAT LADDER BY THE LEGS AND TIPS IT STRAIGHT OVER!!!! SAVANA GOES HURTLING OFF THE LADDER, CRASHING THROUGH THAT TABLE ON THE OUTSIDE AND SPLATTERING ON THE ARENA FLOOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hanson: HE’S GOTTA BE DEAD AFTER THAT!!! NOW BOOLZ IS STAGGERING TO HIS FEET AND HEADING TO SAVANA!!! WITH ONE MOVE HE JUST WON THE HARDCORE TITLE!!!

Vinegar: BOOLZ CRAWLS ACROSS SAVANA’S LIFELESS BODY AND PETERSON STARTS THE COUNT!!! ONE!!! ANDY LOOKS LIKE HE’S BEEN CRIPPLED!!! TWO!!! BOOLZ HAS WON IT!!! THREE - WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!?!?!?! SAVANA WITH THE KICK OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hanson: THAT WASN’T THREE?!?!?!?!

Vinegar: APPARENTLY NOT! PETERSON IS SAYING IT WAS TWO AND BOOLZ CAN’T BELIEVE THIS!!!! THAT SAVANA ISN’T HUMAN!!!!

Hanson: BoolZ is getting up and shaking his head in disbelief! This entire arena thought it was over and the fans are going nuts that it’s not!!

Vinegar: BoolZ pulling himself onto the apron, as Savana is starting to stir! BoolZ climbing all the way to the top rope AND CALLING FOR THE STAR GAZER!!! SAVANA BACK UP AND HUNCHED OVER, STILL GROGGY!!!! BOOLZ LEAPS FROM THE ROPES AND GOES PLUMMETING ALL THE WAY TO THE OUTSIDE FLOOR!!! IF HE HITS THIS - YES!!!!! BOOLZ CONNECTS WITH THE STAR GAZER AND HOOKS THE LEG OF SAVANA!!!! ONE!!!! TWO!!!! THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE MATCH IS OVER!!!! BOOLZ HAS DONE IT!!!!!

Hanson: INCREDIBLE!!!

Dennis: The winner of the final fall and the match, via pinfall, the NEW GIW HARDCORE CHAMPION... RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRANDY BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLZIAN!!!!!!!

Vinegar: BOOLZ CLIMBING BACK INTO THE RING AND PETERSON RETRIEVING THE BELT FROM HERMIT!!! THIS IS INCREDIBLE!!!! RANDY BOOLZIAN IS THE SECOND EVER HARDCORE CHAMPION IN GIW HISTORY!!!! HIS UNDEFEATED STREAK CONTINUES AT GUERRILLA WARFARE 2008!!!! AND NOW PETERSON IS GIVING HIM THE BELT!!!! THESE FANS ARE ECSTATIC, AS BOOLZ RAISES THAT BELT ABOVE HIS HEAD!!!

Hanson: I don’t believe this!!! The number five entry number just secured Randy Boolzian the Hardcore Title!

Vinegar: I’m sure his entry number was a huge help, but BoolZ went the distance in this match and proved he’s hardcore enough to carry that Championship with pride!

Hanson: But what is Austin gonna have to say about this?! His own team mate took his Title!!

Vinegar: I’m sure we’ll find out in due time! But for right now, the victory belongs to Randy Boolzian and he should be damn proud of it!!

Randy Boolzian: 4

Andy Savana: 3

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

“Monsters of Rock” plays to a large array of boos from the crowd. A small explosion goes off in the ring, sending a mushroom cloud of smoke towards the T.D. Banknorth Garden ceiling. Komosube and Aragato soon enter the arena and begin making their way down the ramp, pyro of red lightning going off on either side of them as they do.

Dennis: The following match is a triple threat match! Introducing first, representing Global Domination, being accompanied by Aragato, from Kyoto, Japan and weighing 409 pounds... KOMOSUUUUUUUUUUUUUBE!!!

Hanson: Here come the oriental wrestlers we house here in GIW.

Vinegar: That and they are members of Global Domination.

Hanson: Which means they're also really smart wrestlers! In fact, Komosube is my pick to win this match!

Vinegar: Let’s not forget how many people these two have screwed over in recent weeks. Including Andy Savana, earlier tonight! And Komo walking up the steps and getting into the ring, while Aragato is planting that Japanese flag in our announce table. As much as I would like to remove it, I know what he'd do to me if I did.

Hanson: Racist...

“Immortal” blares over the arena and the crowd once again begin booing. Soon Donovan Hastings, wrapped in his usual cloak, and Calypso Desmona make their way onto the stage. Hastings poses for several moments, before the pair make their way down the ramp.

Dennis: And the opponent, representing Global Domination, being accompanied by Calypso Desmona, from Hartford, Connecticut and weighing 230 pounds... LOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRD DONOVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN HAAAAAAAAAAAAAASTINGS!!!!

Hanson: And here's the man who is too good to help out our lovely acting GM!

Vinegar: I think he's had enough of GD's games and I personally don't blame him. It's going to be interesting how Hastings and Komosube cooperate in this match, as The Lord Of Pain enters the ring.

“Bummer” plays, as Travis Roberts emerges from the curtains with an eager look on his face. He spreads his arms wide and receives a thunderous cheer in response. He begins heading towards the ring, taking the time to acknowledge several female fans on his way down.

Dennis: And the opponent, currently residing in Los Angeles, California and weighing 220 pounds, The Blessed One... TRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAVIS RRRRRRRRRRRRROBERTS!!!

Vinegar: Roberts hoping to go into this match, take care of business, and then leave as the winner.

Hanson: Tough luck with that, Nick. He is in the ring with two members of Global Domination!

Vinegar: You can praise Global Dominations members' power, but you must acknowledge that they have not all been on the same page lately. You can almost forget that they are associated at times.

Hanson: No need to nitpick, Nick. We all have our downfalls and no need to point them out to everyone. That's just cruel is what that is!

Vinegar: Whatever you say, as Roberts is now in the ring. He has to be sure to watch his back when dealing with these two. Also, Aragato and Desmona are standing by the ring as well. This could very well end up as four-on-one, if Komo and Hastings can cooperate.

Hanson: I think they can! They aren’t taking their eyes off of Roberts. I bet they win this match in under five minutes.!

Vinegar: The bell rings and things are about to get underway. We'll just see, Dan. Roberts slowly eyes the enemy and lunges at Hastings, hitting him with some fists to the back of the head. Komo comes from the side with a hard shoulder sending Roberts to the ground.

Hanson: My sumo role model grounds Roberts with that shoulder and proceeds to stomp away at his head! This is entertainment at its greatest!

Vinegar: This is unfair to Roberts who now has two people stomping away at his head.

Hanson: It's called strategy and these two have it.

Vinegar: Roberts rolls out of the ring, away from the stomps. Very smart to get out of the ring, while he has the chance. I think Roberts needs to figure out a way to take down one of the members of Global Domination and then work his skills on the other. Now he turns to catch a breath and right as he turns around, Hastings flies out of the ring with a baseball slide, which takes down Roberts.

Hanson: Great work, Lord Hastings! Hitting him when he wasn’t looking. You can't take your eye off the game, Nick! Keep your eye where it should be and you won’t have as many problems.

Vinegar: Hastings picks up Travis, who quickly counters by pushing Hastings back into the ring canvas. He starts jabbing at Hastings abdomen area with some quick fists.

Hanson: Look at Komo just reach over the top of the rope and pull Travis by his hair onto the canvas! That man is amazing!

Vinegar: Roberts with a thumb to the eye! Komo backs up rubbing his eye, as The Blessed One rolls into the ring. Roberts with an elbow to the jaw of Komosube now!

Hanson: Lord Hastings needs to find his bearings and get back in the ring to assist Komosube.

Vinegar: I don't think he rightly cares, to be honest. Either way, Roberts off the ropes and hits Komo with a dropkick. Can’t say it did much damage, because Komo is still standing.

Hanson: That guy is too big to be taken down by some lightweight of a move. You need to use raw power to bring him to the ground and since Travis doesn’t have that, it's not a problem!

Vinegar: Roberts connects with another elbow to the jaw of Komo sending him back against the ropes. Now Travis goes against the opposite ropes -

Hanson: Lord Hastings there to grab on his boot!

Vinegar: Not for long, because Travis just dropkicked Hastings in the head through the middle rope!

Hanson: That’s dangerous! He shouldn’t have done that!

Vinegar: I have seen you condone men being put through tables but you do not condone a dropkick?

Hanson: Not from Roberts, I don’t.

Vinegar: Either way, The Headline quickly gets to his feet and rushes at Komo, but is met with a massive clothesline!

Hanson: I felt the vibrations all the way over here! That clothesline might have left Roberts a paralysed mess!

Vinegar: You may be right. Roberts doesn’t seem to be moving at the moment.

Hanson: Pin him, Komo!!

Vinegar: Komo rolls Roberts onto his back and covers him!!

East: 1!

East: Kick out!

Vinegar: Roberts has enough power in him to kick out at the one count. It'll take more than that to keep The Blessed One down.

Hanson: I think it was a pinch nerve, which is obviously the reason his shoulder lifted.

Vinegar: You're full of it, as Komo lifts up Roberts to his feet and then slams him with a head butt. WOW! I think I may have heard Roberts' skull crack as their heads connected!

Hanson: Rest in peace, Roberts. I’ll be sure your funeral is the social event of the season.

Vinegar: Cut it out! Hastings rolls back into the ring now and Komo lifts Roberts to his feet and throws him in the direction of Hastings. Roberts falls towards The Immortal and right into an STO!

Hanson: I might feel some pity for Roberts being put through this match. But I'm more excited to announce that this match proves that Global Domination can be on the same page!

Vinegar: You may be wrong and now Hastings looks Komo in the eye as he stands back to his feet, after dropping Roberts with that STO. These two might have some mutual feelings against each other!

Hanson: Don’t make it sound so homo, Nick. Say they respect each other and leave it at that.

Vinegar: Respect isn’t the feeling I am referring to...

Hanson: Love? Oh!

Vinegar: Roberts quick to jump with a forearm to the stomach of Hastings! Now The Blessed One quickly jumps to his feet and, as Komo charges at him, hits a reverse dropkick into the chest of the sumo. Roberts drops to the ground, but quickly props himself back up - right into a knee to the abdomen from Komo!!

Hanson: Ha! There was no cheating there at all and Komo still came out on top.

Vinegar: I have to admit that you are indeed right. Komo did come back from that attempt to take him out. Roberts shows great courage for attempting to fight back. And now Hastings is standing in the corner holding his stomach as Komo stares at the downed Roberts.

Hanson: Sometimes I wonder what Komo is thinking when he stares at his downed opponents. I also think that he is hungry during most of his matches, which explains why he stares.

Vinegar: Hastings points at Roberts and then points at the corner. he obviously has something in mind. Komo nods his head and starts to drag Roberts towards the corner. I think Hastings is commanding Komo to go for that Banzai-sault!!!

Hanson: May Roberts' soul go to a better place, free of chunky Asians, who do flips.

Vinegar: You say the strangest things...

Hanson: Komo climbing the ropes slowly but surely. Lord Hastings is standing by and watching. And what a show it is?!

Vinegar: This may be the end of Roberts, whose career has been impressive so far. Off the top rope - WOW!!!

Hanson: ROBERTS MOVED!!! NO WAY!!!

Vinegar: Hastings quickly tries to attack the downed Roberts, but has his feet grabbed from under him, sending him to the ground on his back! The Headliner quick to pull himself up with the ropes. Hastings back up and charges at Roberts with a clothesline! But Roberts dodges and hits a German suplex! Hastings is down on the ground now, as Roberts once again pulls him self up with the ropes.

Hanson: Get up Komo and help out Lord Hastings!

Vinegar: Komo slowly rolls to his belly and picks himself up with the help of the ropes as well. He is now on his knees when Roberts connects with a knee to the head, sending the sumo straight back to the mat! But now Hastings rolls out of the ring, as Roberts starts to barrage Komo with baseball slides. Each one of them hitting and pushing Komo closer to the outside.

Hanson: I think Lord Hastings is getting a chair!

Vinegar: I knew members of Global Domination couldn’t even win this match without cheating; despite the fact that they outnumber Roberts four-to-one!

Hanson: Hey! Calypso and Aragato haven't involved themselves once, thankyou very much!

Vinegar: Speak of the devil! Roberts hits a baseball slide, finally pushing Komo to the outside. Komo hits the ground hard. The Blessed One rests against the corner, but Aragato grabs him by the neck from behind!

Hanson: Even if Global Domination cannot get on the same page, these two always can!

Vinegar: Roberts manages to break free from that choke, but right as Hastings slides into the ring with the chair!

Hanson: Swing! MISS!!

Vinegar: Kick to the midsection! Roberts has the chair now!

Hanson: SUPER KICK! Komo showed up out of nowhere and hit Roberts with that super kick, using the chair for extra damage!!!

Vinegar: Roberts drops the ground, clearly out of it. Hastings is holding his midsection. Komo stares at him with a face of disgust!

Vinegar: I do not think that Komo is too happy with Hastings almost losing the match, by allowing Roberts to take the chair from him.

Hanson: Forget that, Komo, and just pin the gangly hippy!

Vinegar: Komo taking your advice and gets down to his knees and covers Roberts!!!

East: 1!

East: 2!

East: 3 - KICK OUT!

Vinegar: Roberts kicks out at the very last second!

Hanson: I wonder how badly he wants his soul to look when it finally leaves this earth? This match is proving that he doesn’t seem to care.

Vinegar: Hastings stares at Komo, who rises to his feet. Roberts still lying on the ground. The tension between Komo and Hastings is clearly rising, here! Roberts gettingto his feet, but Komo already has that chair in the ready position to take him down!

Hanson: He connect and Roberts has got to be down for the count! KOMO COVERS!

East: 1!

East: 2!

East: 3!

Hanson: This is over!

Vinegar: NO, IT’S A TWO COUNT!

East: TWO COUNT, NO PINFALL!

Vinegar: Komo is shocked as he pulls himself to his feet. Hastings is shocked as well.

Hanson: How the hell did he manage to kick out of a chair shot to the head!?

Vinegar: I am almost shocked to silence, as he has just kicked out again. And now Roberts rolls to his stomach and slowly lifts himself up. Komo prepares the chair again.

Hanson: This is over as he connects the hit!

Vinegar: ROBERTS DODGES!!!

Hanson: Roberts used a spinning heel kick to the jaw of Komo! NO! He dodges!

Vinegar: Komo in a twist of fate actually dodges the kick AND HASTINGS WITH A NECKBREAKER OUT OF NOWHERE ON THE BLESSED ONE! Roberts is down again. Komo stares at Roberts with evil intentions in his eyes. Hastings and Komo nod to each other. I think these two may finally be on the same page! Komo lifts up the chair as Hastings lifts Roberts to his feet. Hastings pushes Roberts right into a violent chair shot from Komo!! This may be the end of Roberts, folks. I do not know a man who could kick out of a chair to the head three times.

Hanson: Don’t sound so down, Nick. I think it's great that Global Domination can cooperate.

Vinegar I'm sure you do, as Komo and Hastings stare at each other once again. Hastings points to Komo to cover Roberts. Komo nods and makes the pin.

East: 1!

Vinegar: HASTINGS JUST HIT KOMOSUBE WITH THE CHAIR!!!!!!

Hanson: WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?!?!?!

Vinegar: Hastings wants the win for himself!! He's blasting away at Komo with chair shot after chair shot!! Aragato jumps onto the apron, but Desmona grabs his leg! The distraction gives Hastings time to smash the chair over Mr. Deathmatch's head, too!! And now The Immortal is going back to blasting Komo with that weapon!! This is insane!

Hanson: Komo is busted up! Lord Hastings won’t quit either!

Vinegar: Komo is motionless here and bleeding profusely from the head!

Hanson: This could have been a win for GLOBAL DOMINATION!!!

Vinegar: In Hastings eyes, it will be!!!

Hanson: It isn’t over though!

Vinegar: I think it's going to be, as Hastings walks over to Roberts and bends down to pin him!!! ROLL UP BY THE BLESSED ONE!!!!

East: 1!

East: 2!

East: KICK OUT!!!

Vinegar: Hastings quickly kicks out and looks for the chair, but Aragato must have stolen it, after what The Lord Of Pain did. Komo is still on the ground crawling and Roberts sneaks up behind Hastings!

East: 1!

East: 2!

East: 3!

Hanson: NO!

Vinegar: ROBERTS WINS! HE'S OVERCOME THE ODDS AND GAINED THE VICTORY!!!

Dennis: Your winner, via pinfall... TRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAVIS RRRRRRRRRRRRRROBERTS!!!!

Hanson: I can’t believe that Global Domination cost itself the win tonight! I hope they fair better in the main event!!

Travis Roberts: 7

Komosube: 1

Donovan Hastings: 0

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

"WHEN I GET HIGH, I GET HIGH ON SPEED!

TOP FUEL FUNNY CAR'S A DRUG FOR ME!

MY HEART! MY HEART!

KICKSTART MY HEART!"

Brandon Brown appears on the stage, as his theme music continues beating rapidly, the fans going ecstatic at seeing the former Global Champion. Brown stands taunting on the stage for many moments, clearly enjoying the adulation he is receiving. He then begins jogging down the ramp way and tosses his Mister Rogers sweater into the roaring Boston crowd.

Dennis: The following match is a STRETCHER MATCH for the GLOBAL HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP! Introducing first, the challenger, he weighs in at 190 pounds and hails from Albion, Indiana... BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAANDON BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROWN!!!!!!!!!!

Vinegar: HERE WE GO! IT'S BEEN ONE HELL OF A NIGHT SO FAR, BUT THESE FANS ARE STILL DAMN HYPED FOR OUR FINAL MATCH OF THE EVENING AND THE ARRIVAL OF BRANDON BROWN!

Hanson: And with good reason, Nick. This one is going to be something that they'll talk about for generations to come. It's gonna be bloody, ugly and real damn brutal.

Vinegar: You're absolutely right, as you can see those two stretchers on either side of Brown, as he reaches the end of the entrance ramp. No doubt the challenger is the underdog in this environment, but as we saw back at No Holds Barred, Brandon Brown can more than hold his own in a hardcore setting. He's one of the toughest, most resilient men I've ever had the pleasure of encountering.

Hanson: Why must you always bring up that match?

Vinegar: Because it was a great one.

Brown now rolls into the ring, climbs onto the second rope and raises his arms high in the air. The fans continue cheering ravenously, as if unable to give Brown enough praise. He soon returns to the canvas, stretching his arms, as his theme music fades out. It is replaced by several eerie, musical notes, before the arena turns pitch black. Holographic angels now begin soaring around the arena, leaving a white glow wherever they travel.

Dennis: And the opponent, representing Global Domination, from The Dark and weighing 370 pounds, he is The Creator Of Ultra Violence, The General Of Destruction, the GLOBAL HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION... LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRD DEATHMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!

Within seconds, the angels transform into devils and begin blowing holographic flames in all directions. The arena rings with screams of terror, before the images fade out and the lights return. Lord Deathman kneels in the centre of the ring, his right arm extended and holding the Global Heavyweight Title belt to the heavens.

Hanson: And here's the man himself! The Global Heavyweight Champion! Lord Deathman!

Vinegar: The 370 pound General Of Destruction is the meanest, most destructive human being on this planet, without exceptions. He left Brandon Brown a bloody mess, as Toxic Intent came to a close and has met every challenge in his way since then.

Hanson: You forgot one important detail, Nick. He's also the creator of ultra violence! And seeing as a stretcher match has no rules, he can do whatever the hell he wants!

Vinegar: That's correct, as the only rule in a stretcher match is that you have to wheel your opponent on a stretcher over the blue line on the entrance stage. Beyond that, anything at all goes. And we can't forget that all non-GD members are banned from ringside! We could be looking at potentially seven stars on one here!

Hanson: I don't think it'll come to that, Nick. Lord Deathman is going to wipe the floor with Brown in this match!

Vinegar: We'll just have to wait and see, as Glenn Burke is handing the Global Title to Old Man Hermit. He's calling for the bell now and this match has begun! The battle for the Global Heavyweight Championship is finally underway!!

Hanson: And both men circling the mat. You can just tell they want to rip each other apart, but they have to use caution or their opponent will come out on top. Both men know that - WOAH!

Vinegar: Brown throwing caution to the wind and launches a stiff kick right into Deathman's crotch! But The General catches the challenger's leg before contact is made and tosses him across the ring and down to the mat!

Hanson: See! I told you! Brown jumped the gun and paid the price!

Vinegar: And he's quick back to his feet, but Deathman is more than ready! A boot to the skull from the Champ sends his opponent straight back to the mat. Brown rolling out of the ring to put some distance between him and his gigantic opponent, but Deathman is right behind him!

Hanson: But Brown with a dropkick to the knees of Lord Deathman, sends our Champion face first to the floor. Lord Deathman hadn't got his footing after leaving the canvas and Brown capitalised. Very smart move, I have to admit.

Vinegar: Brown wisely using his speed advantage to gain the upper hand here. But it seems he's just getting started! Brown just picked up the top half of the ring steps!!

Hanson: And Lord Deathman is getting back up and ARGH!!!!

Vinegar: BROWN JUST THREW THOSE STEPS AT TOP SPEED INTO DEATHMAN'S SKULL!!! THE GLOBAL CHAMPS HAS BEEN FLATTENED HERE!!

Hanson: It seems Brandon isn't wasting anytime here!!

Vinegar: Certainly not, as he's now looking under the canvas for something. He's pulled out a sledgehammer!! And he's on the advance, but Deathman raises a leg and connects with a kick to the crotch!

Hanson: Brown fallen to his knees and dropped that weapon. Lord Deathman is back in control!

Vinegar: That he is, as he gets to his feet. He's made his way over to us and is removing the covering from our announce table! The Global Champion has some sinister intentions in mind here! BUT BROWN FROM BEHIND WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER SHOT TO THE SPINE!!!

Hanson: ARGH!!!!

Vinegar: Lord Deathman underestimated the challenger and it cost him! Now Brown is hoisting the enormous Champion up and rolling him onto the table. Now Brown climbing onto the apron and leaps onto the second rope! SPRINGBOARD MOONSAULT FROM THE ROPES TO THE TABLE!!! BUT DEATHMAN ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY AND BROWN GOES SMASHING INTO OUR ANNOUNCE TABLE!!! THE TABLE JUST IMPLODED ON ITSELF AND BROWN HAS BEEN LAID OUT RIGHT IN FRONT OF OUR EYES!!!

Hanson: And this time it was Brandon who did the underestimating! He looks way worse for wear after that splattering of a landing...

Vinegar: But Deathman isn't going to show any mercy. He's already pulled the near lifeless Brown back up by the hair. He drags Brown, building up speed and BAM! Sends him face first into the safety barrier!! Now The General is dragging his opponent back up once more and leading him to the entrance ramp! Soon enough they've arrived at that pair of stretchers on the ramp! Deathman looking to - NO! Brown with some furious elbows is able to break free of his opponent's grasp! BOOM! And he follows up with a DDT onto the stretcher!!! Deathman has been rattled here!

Hanson: But he's already starting to get back up, Nick. Lord D-Mike can't be contained!!

Vinegar: Brown is shaking the cobwebs from his head and then removes that padding from one of those stretchers. Deathman back up, but BOOM! Brown lifted that stretcher to a vertical stand and rammed it full force into the Champion's face!!

Hanson: Or rather, his mask. But it doesn't matter, because The General Of Destruction is still standing!

Vinegar: AND SO BROWN SMASHES THAT STEEL FRAME INTO HIS ADVERSARY'S SKULL AGAIN! AND AGAIN! AND AGAIN! AGAIN! AGAIN! AGAIN!!! DEATHMAN HAS BEEN LAID OUT AFTER SOME HALF A DOZEN SHOTS FROM THAT STRETCHER!!!

Hanson: Nah... nah... he's just... just... playing possum!! Yeah, you'll see!!

Vinegar: If we could see Deathman's eyes I'd imagine they'd be rolling about inside his skull, as Brown has gone back to the ring and is looking for a weapon underneath. He's got a steel chair!! The number one contender making his way back to the Champion and lifting that chair over his head! I'm sure he's been waiting for this moment ever since he was robbed of his Championship! AND HE SWINGS THAT METAL WITH TREMENDOUS FEROCITY!!!

Hanson: Haha! But look, Nick! Lord Deathman has grabbed the padding from that stretcher and is using it as a shield!! Brilliant move!!

Vinegar: And now Deathman plants a foot into Brown's shin, sending the challenger crashing face first into the ramp!! Deathman climbing back up and takes hold of that steel chair!! But Brown grabs the second stretcher by the leg and pulls as hard as he can!! The stretcher goes racing down the ramp and crashing into Deathman!!!

Hanson: Lord Deathman just got run over! Well... sort of...

Vinegar: Brown making his way back to his feet and climbing onto the nearest stretcher! MOONSAULT AND THIS TIME HE CONNECTS!!! WHAT AN INCREDIBLE MANOEUVRE!!!

Hanson: Jeez, Brown is pulling out all the stops!!

Vinegar: Because he knows he has to if he wants any chance at defeating his opponent, the deranged Deathman! And now Brown is getting back to his feet and the Champion still looks dazed. The number one contender decides to head back to the ring and is looking underneath the canvas once more. What's he going to find this time?!

Hanson: A BARBED WIRE BASEBALL BAT?!

Vinegar: BROWN'S HAD ENOUGH!! THIS IS ABOUT TO GET REALLY NASTY, FOLKS!!

Hanson: Deathman is pulling himself up, BUT BROWN WITH A BASEBALL BAT SHOT RIGHT TO THE SKULL!!

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: Deathman has been knocked straight back down! Folks, I didn't think we'd be seeing this, but Brandon Brown is actually dominating this match!!

Hanson: Lord D-Mike is just lulling him into a false sense of security! You'll see!

Vinegar: Deathman is already getting back up! SO BROWN HITS HIM IN THE HEAD AGAIN! AND AGAIN! AND YET AGAIN!! SHOT AFTER SHOT!! BROWN IS GOING BERSERK WITH THAT WEAPON! HE SWINGS AGAIN - BUT NO!!! DEATHMAN GRABS THE BAT WITH A SINGLE HAND THAT HAS JUST BEEN TORN TO SHREDS BY THE BARBED WIRE!

Hanson: He sacrificed his hand to save his head!

Vinegar: And now Deathman with INCREDIBLE strength shoves Brown by the bat with all the power he can muster! Brown goes tumbling down the ramp way and the weapon flying out of his grip! And Deathman has grasped onto the barricade with his one good hand and is rising to his feet! Half his hair is blood red after that bared wire assault and his right hand has been completely ripped open, but he's still getting up! He isn't human!

Hanson: He's a Lord! And now he's staggering over to Brown! I wouldn't wanna be the number one contender right now!

Vinegar: I concur, as Brown scrambles to his feet but Deathman boots him harshly, sending him cracking into the apron. Deathman follows up by grabbing Brandon by the throat and the crotch! He lifts the number one contender into the air in a military press AND BOOM! SENDS HIM SMASHING FACE FIRST INTO THE RING POST!!!

Hanson: And Brown goes flying some nine feet to the floor below and bounces on impact like he was a tennis ball! Completely brutal!

Vinegar: But Deathman falls to one knee, unable to follow up. He's obviously feeling the effects of that barrage of shots from the baseball bat! But the Global Champion forces himself to his feet, knowing there's no time to rest. Brown also struggling to a vertical base, but Deathman thumps him in the jaw with a sick right hand!

Hanson: This match degenerated into a street brawl in a matter of moments and now the only thing running through both men's heads is how to inflict as much damage on their opponent as possible. Like I said Nick, this match is going to be just plain ugly.

Vinegar: It already is, as Deathman smashes Brown's face into the safety barrier! Now The General Of Destruction heading back over to the stretchers. He grabs one, spins it around AND PUSHES IT FULL FORCE AT BROWN! THE CHALLENGER LEAPS TO SAFETY JUST IN TIME!

Hanson: BOOM! Hear the impact of that stretcher smashing into the barrier! If Brown hadn't evaded, he may be crippled right now!

Vinegar: But he's still in with a chance, as he heads for under the ring once more, knowing full well Deathman is hot on his tail. Brown is... climbing underneath the ring?!

Hanson: Lord Deathman is way too big to be able to manoeuvre under the ring. The General can't hurt him, if he can't reach him! That Brown is a damn coward!

Vinegar: I think it's smart - WHAT?! AS DEATHMAN WAS REACHING UNDER THE RING, HE WAS JUST ENGULFED BY A CLOUD OF WHITE SMOKE!!! HE'S COUGHING UP HIS GUTS, AS BROWN RACES OUT FROM UNDER THE RING... WITH A FIRE EXTINGUISHER!!!

Hanson: He's not done with it yet, though! BAM! He just bashed the extinguisher straight into our Champion's head! Lord Deathman is down!!

Vinegar: And now Brown is spraying him again just for good measure! Now Brown heading around the ring and he's picked up that barbwire bat once more!! He's heading back over to Deathman, who still hasn't moved an inch. AND HERE COMES BROWN SWINGING THAT - NO!! DEATHMAN WITH ONE HAND ON A LEG OF THAT STRETCHER HURLS IT FULL FORCE AT BROWN!!! BOOM!!! THE CHALLENGER JUST GOT MANGLED!!!!

Hanson: Ha! Lord Deathman had moved! He got a hand on that stretcher, he was just playing possum!!

Vinegar: And now Deathman is groggily getting up. Just what does it take to stop this guy?!

Hanson: Nothing can stop him, Nick! That's why he's the Global Champ!

Vinegar: You may be right, as he's now looking under the ring. He's been shuffling around for several moments and what's he pulled out?? A CAN OF GASOLINE AND A BLOW TORCH!!!

Hanson: GET OUT OF THERE, BROWN! JUST GIVE IT UP! IS THAT BELT REALLY WORTH YOUR LIFE?!

Vinegar: To Brown, it is! He wouldn't have reached this point if it wasn't!

Hanson: But Deathman is coming around the ring corner, looking like some sort of monster from a horror movie! HE'S GONNA BURN BROWN ALIVE!!!

Vinegar: But as he comes around the corner, Brown pulls his arm out from under the ring... AND HE'S GOT A FUCKING CROSSBOW!!! HE JUST SHOT AN ARROW THROUGH DEATHMAN'S LEFT THIGH!!!

Hanson: HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!! HE CAN'T DO THAT!!!!

Vinegar: DEATHMAN HAS DROPPED THOSE ITEMS, FALLEN TO HIS KNEES AND IS STARING IN COMPLETE SHOCK AT THAT ARROW WEDGED IN HIS LEG!!! SOMEONE HAS TO STOP THIS MATCH!!!

Hanson: AND LOOK AT THAT SICK BASTARD, BROWN! HE'S SMILING!!!

Vinegar: Brown is smiling! Week in and week out he's been put through hell by Global Domination and he's now finally getting his revenge! But dammit, I never thought he would go this far!!

Hanson: He's snapped, Nick! This is madness!

Vinegar: And he's picking up that baseball bat a third time and making his way towards Deathman! You're right, Daniel! He has snapped! I think he just realised that he's in a position to win this match and he's letting that adrenaline fuel him!! He raises the bat above his head - OH MY FUCKING GOD!!! DEATHMAN JUST PULLED THAT ARROW FROM HIS LEG AND THRUST IT INTO BROWN'S SIDE!!! THE NUMBER ONE CONTENDER GOES TOPPLING TO THE FLOOR, SCREAMING IN AGONY!!!

Hanson: EXACTLY WHAT HE DESERVES!! RIP HIM APART, LORD DEATHMAN!!!!

Vinegar: Deathman fighting through the pain and pulling Brown up by the hair, who is in tremendous agony. Deathman lifts him up for a scoop slam AND DELIVERS IT RIGHT ACROSS THOSE STEEL STEPS!!!! BROWN JUST WENT SPINE FIRST INTO THE METAL!!!

Hanson: And now Deathman is looking back at that can of gasoline and the blow torch! HE HAS SOMETHING SINISTER IN MIND!!

Vinegar: I have to agree, as Deathman returns that stretcher he hurled at Brown to a standing base. HE'S POURING THE GASOLINE ON IT!!!! EMPTYING THE ENTIRE CANISTER ONTO THAT STRETCHER!!! NOW HE'S BLASTING IT WITH THE BLOW TORCH!!! THE STEEL FRAME OF THAT STRETCHER HAS GONE UP IN 4 FOOT HIGH FLAMES!!!

Hanson: JUST QUIT NOW, BRANDON! WHEEL YOURSELF ACROSS THE BLUE LINE!!!

Vinegar: Even if he wanted to, I don't think he could! He's motionless on the floor! His back could be broken! And now Deathman is lifting him up and carrying him towards that flaming stretcher!!! GRAVEYARD EFFECT INTO THE FIRE COMING UP!!! NO!!!! BROWN COUNTERS INTO A FALLING DDT!!! DEATHMAN FACE FIRST INTO THE FLAMES, BUT BROWN FELL INTO THEM TOO!!! BOTH MEN ARE WRITHING ON THE GROUND IN AGONY!!!!

Hanson: BUT LOOK, NICK!!! THE ARROW STILL STICKING OUT OF BROWN HAS CAUGHT ON FIRE!!!

Vinegar: DAMMIT, YOU'RE RIGHT!! BROWN IS FORCED TO TAKE HOLD OF THAT BURNING ARROW AND PULL IT OUT OF HIM!!! MY GOD, YOU CAN SEE THE HOLE THAT IMPLEMENT HAS LEFT IN HIM, AS HE TOSSES IT AWAY!!!

Hanson: You can see Brown shaking! He could be in shock, Nick!

Vinegar: I think you're right, Dan, and Dr. Professor seems to agree. He's coming down with a squad of paramedics, BUT BROWN IS SHOVING THEM AWAY!!! HE'S COME TOO FAR TO QUIT NOW!!

Hanson: BUT THIS COULD KILL HIM!!!

Vinegar: I guess that's a price he's willing to pay, as he's shoving the paramedics back up the ramp! They've been ejected and now Brown is taking hold of the stretcher that isn't in flames! He's wheeling it back down the ramp and BAM! He smashes it as hard as he can into Deathman! He looks to ram that metal frame a second time, but Deathman catches it! BOOM! he smashes it right back into Brown!

Hanson: And look at Deathman's mask, Nick! It's melted and disfigured! It may be fused to his face!!

Vinegar: If it is, he's not going to let that stop him! He picks up that barbed wire baseball bat and is raising it over his head! NO! Brown grabs hold of that steel chair from earlier AND DRIVES IT RIGHT INTO THE ARROW WOUND IN DEATHMAN'S LEG!! THE GLOBAL CHAMP DROPS TO HIS KNEES AND THAT BAT GOES TOPPLING FROM HIS HANDS! HE'S LOOKING TO GET UP, BUT BROWN WITH A SUPERKICK OUT OF NOWHERE PLANTS HIM RIGHT ONTO THAT STRETCHER!!!

Hanson: AND NOW BROWN IS WHEELING DEATHMAN UP THE RAMP! BUT DEATHMAN ROLLS OFF THE STRETCHER AND SAVES HIMSELF!!

Vinegar: But Brown isn't done yet! He's heading down the ramp and has grabbed that steel chair!! He's making his way back to Deathman and swings that chair like a madma - NO! THE GENERAL WITH A FIST TO THAT ARROW HOLE IN BROWN'S SIDE, CAUSES THE CHALLENGER TO DROP THE CHAIR AND LET OUT A TREMENDOUS WAIL OF AGONY!!! NOW DEATHMAN WITH THE FINAL DESTINATION ONTO THE STRETCHER!!!!!

Hanson: But he's dazed, Nick! Brown is laid out on the stretcher, but Lord Deathman isn't taking advantage!

Vinegar: It took him a few seconds, BUT NOW THE GLOBAL CHAMPION PUSHES THAT STRETCHER UP THE RAMP WITH EVERY BIT OF STRENGTH HE HAS!!! THAT METAL FRAME IS RACING TOWARDS THE LINE, BUT BROWN ROLLS OFF WITH LESS THAN A SECOND TO SPARE!!!!

Hanson: If Lord Deathman had been able to act straight away, he would have just won this match!

Vinegar: I'm sure both these competitors are well aware of that fact, as Brown is desperately clawing to get to his feet! He's been through absolute hell in this match!

Hanson: And look at Lord Deathman marching up the ramp now. He's carrying that chair in one hand and the skin has been ripped to shreds on the other. I can see the bone on the tip of his thumb!!

Vinegar: And he CRACKS that chair into Brown's aching back, before continuing on to the stretcher that's come to rest on the entrance stage. He tosses the chair onto it and sends it wheeling back down the ramp way AND RIGHT OVER BRANDON BROWN! THE CHALLENGER JUST GOT RUN OVER WITH THAT STRETCHER, THAT CONTINUES RACING DOWN THE RAMP AND EVENTUALLY COLLIDES INTO THE RING!

Hanson: And now The General Of Destruction is pulling Brown up into another military press. HOLY COW! HE JUST THREW HIM ALL THE WAY DOWN THE RAMP!!!

Vinegar: BRANDON BROWN TOSSED LIKE A JAVELIN AND GOES CRASHING DOWN ONTO THE END OF THE ENTRANCE RAMP!!! HIS BODY MUST BE BROKEN IN HALF AFTER THAT!!!

Hanson: But Lord Deathman still isn't done! He's making his way down the ramp and picked up that barbed wire baseball bat on his way! Brandon Brown is in for a world of hurt here, Nick!

Vinegar: He seems to agree and is crawling as fast as he can towards the ring and away from his opponent!

Hanson: But his fastest, is slower than a quadriplegic! He can barely move!

Vinegar: That's just in bad taste, Daniel! Nevertheless Brown is forcing himself to keep moving! Meanwhile Deathman has resorted to a hobble, probably from the excessive blood loss!! he's bleeding from the hand, the leg and the head!!

Hanson: But he's still coming! Brown reaches the ring, but Lord Deathman takes hold of his leg!! HE GOT HIM, NICK!

Vinegar: But Brown is able to get one arm under the ring! He pulls out the first item he can get his hand on!!! A NAIL GUN!!! BAM!!! BROWN JUST SHOT A FIVE INCH LONG NAIL STRAIGHT INTO DEATHMAN'S CROTCH!!!

Hanson: NO WAY!!!! PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISN'T HAPPENING!!!!

Vinegar: IT IS! DEATHMAN FALLS TO HIS KNEES, WITH BOTH HANDS ON HIS GROIN! BROWN PICKS UP THE BAT AND SWINGS IT FULL FORCE INTO DEATHMAN'S MASK!!! THE IMPACT SENDS THE GENERAL OF DESTRUCTION TOPPLING ONTO THE STRETCHER!!!

Hanson: AND NOW BROWN IS ABSOLUTELY SMASHING THE SHIT OUT OF DEATHMAN'S FACE WITH THAT BAT!!! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!!! HE'S LETTING LOOSE WITH SHOT AFTER SHOT!!!! MAKE THIS STOP!!!!!!!

Vinegar: IT'S FIGHT OR DIE!!! BROWN IS JUST BASHING THAT BAT INTO DEATHMAN'S FACE OVER AND OVER!!! HE'S BEEN HITTING HIM FOR AT LEAST FIFTEEN SECONDS NOW!!!!!

Hanson: And now he takes Lord Deathman by the feet and is wheeling him up that ramp! THIS ONE IS OVER, NICK!!! BRANDON HAS RECLAIMED THE - NO!!!!

Vinegar: WHAT IN THE NAME OF JESUS CHRIST?!?!?! DEATHMAN JUST SAT UPRIGHT ON THE STRETCHER!!! BROWN LOOKS LIKE HE JUST SOILED HIMSELF!!! HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE?!?!?!?!?! A SUPERKICK SENDS DEATHMAN RIGHT BACK DOWN ON HIS SPINE!!!!

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Hanson: LORD DEATHMAN IS SUPER HUMAN!!! BUT WHERE'S BROWN GOING?!?!?!

Vinegar: He's heading back to the ring, it seems, and looking underneath it yet again. He's pulled out a piece of rope!!! Now he's staggering back towards his nemesis, blood oozing out of his body like a river AND HE'S WRAPPING THAT ROPE AROUND DEATHMAN AND THE STRETCHER!!! BROWN IS TYING HIS OPPONENT IN!!! THAT'S A GENIUS MOVE!!!

Hanson: AND HE'S DONE IT! HE'S SECURED THAT ROPE AND NOW DEATHMAN IS TRAPPED!!! HE CAN'T GET OFF THE STRETCHER!!! BROWN ROLLING IT UP THE RA - WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Vinegar: WITH SOME INHUMAN STRENGTH DEATHMAN JUST SNAPPED THE ROPES AND SAT UP YET AGAIN!!! THE MAN IS IMMORTAL!!! NO, HE'S NOT EVEN A MAN!!! BUT BROWN SENDS HIM RIGHT BACK DOWN WITH ANOTHER SUPERKICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hanson: NOW WHERE THE HELL IS BROWN GOING?!?!?! HE'S GOT THAT NAIL GUN!!!!!

Vinegar: MY FUCKING GOD!!!! BROWN JUST BLASTED HALF A DOZEN NAILS INTO DEATHMAN'S SHOULDER!!! THOSE NAILS HAVE ALL PUNCHED HOLES IN THE METAL FRAME AND HAVE LITERALLY PINNED THE GLOBAL CHAMPION TO THE STRETCHER!!! AND NOW BROWN IS SHOOTING HALF A DOZEN MORE IN DEATHMAN'S OTHER SHOULDER!!!! THIS IS BARBARIC! INHUMAN!! IT HAS TO BE STOPPED!!!! NO ONE, NOT EVEN LORD DEATHMAN, DESERVES THIS!!!!

Hanson: AND NOW BROWN IS TOSSING THAT NAIL GUN AWAY AND YOU'VE GOT BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!!

Vinegar: DEATHMAN HAS RISEN TO HIS FEET, STILL WITH THAT STRETCHER ATTACHED TO HIM!!!! HE'S LITERALLY DRAGGING IT BEHIND HIM AS HE SHAMBLES LIKE A ZOMBIE TOWARDS THE CHALLENGER!!! BROWN WITH YET ANOTHER SUPERKI - NO!!!!! DEATHMAN CATCHES HIS FOOT!!!! THE GENERAL OF DESTRUCTION WITH A KICK TO BROWN'S CROTCH, SENDS HIM TOPPLING TO THE FLOOR AND ROLLING DOWN THE RAMP!!!

Hanson: DEATHMAN IS A GOD!!! THERE'S NO OTHER EXPLANATION!!!! NO HUMAN BEING COULD SURVIVE THIS, LET ALONE STILL BE FIGHTING!!!!

Vinegar: DEATHMAN HAS REACHED BROWN!!! BLOOD IS POURING OUT FROM UNDER HIS DEFORMED MASK AND RED LIQUID IS GUSHING ALL OVER THE PLACE!!! HE'S GOING TO KILL BRANDON BR - WHAT IN THE NAME OF FUCK?!?!?!?! BRANDON JUST PULLED A GRAPPLE GUN FROM UNDERNEATH THE ROPE!!!! HE SHOOTS IT AND THE GRAPPLE SMASHES A HOLE STRAIGHT THROUGH THE STRETCHER AND GOES FLYING ACROSS THE ARENA!!! IT JUST CONNECTED TO THE METAL BEAM UNDERNEATH THE GLOBATRON!!!!

Hanson: THIS IS MADNESS!!!! LORD DEATHMAN LOOKING FROM THE GRAPPLE TO BROWN!!! OH NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vinegar: LOOK AT BROWN'S EYES!!! HE KNOWS HE'S DONE!!!! HE RELEASES THE LOCK AND LETS GO OF THE GUN!!!! IT GETS WEDGED INSIDE THE METAL HOLE THE GRAPPLE CREATED AND SENDS THE ENTIRE STRETCHER, WITH DEATHMAN ATTACHED, FLYING THROUGH THE AIR AND UP THE ENTRANCE RAMP!!!! THE GENERAL OF DESTRUCTION ROARING WITH HOMICIDAL RAGE AS HE'S SWEPT FROM HIS ENEMY!!!! THE GUN, THE STRETCHER AND LORD DEATHMAN HAVE GONE HURTLING OVER THE LINE AND CRASHING INTO THE ENTRANCE STAGE AT TOP SPEED!!!! HOLY JESUS CHRIST, BRANDON BROWN HAS DONE IT AND WE NEED EVERY MEDIC AVAILABLE OUT HERE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!

Dennis: Your winner and NEW GLOBAL HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION... BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRANDON BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROWN!!!!

Hanson: I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!!!! THESE TWO MEN WAGED A TOTAL WAR!!!!

Vinegar: Brown is bleeding, Deathman is bleeding and hanging above the entrance way, like some kind of sick sacrifice!!! These men are broken, bleeding and beaten and it's all for that belt that Glenn Burke now holds!!!

Hanson: And here come the paramedics!! Half of them are lowering Lord Deathman, while the other half are charging towards Brown!

Vinegar: BUT BROWN PUSHING THEM AWAY!!! HE DOESN'T WANT THEIR HELP!!! HE'S DRAGGING WHAT'S LEFT OF HIS BODY INTO THE RING AND USING ALL HIS STRENGTH TO PULL HIMSELF UP WITH THE ROPES!!!! HE WON THE WAR - I WOULDN'T EVEN CALL IT A MATCH - HE BECAME THE FIRST MAN TO EVER BE CROWNED A TWO TIME GLOBAL HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION AND MY GOD, HE'S GONNA CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY ON HIS OWN TWO FEET!!!! I HAVE ALL THE RESPECT IN THE WORLD FOR BRANDON BROWN!!!

Hanson: He's got one hand clasped over that arrow wound and has taken the Global Title with the other. He's trying to raise it in the air, but he can't!! He doesn't have the strength!!! Instead he's just slapping it over his shoulder!!! Nick, I have to say... tonight Brandon Brown won my respect. I don't like him, hell I DESPISE him, but I can't deny that he really is the best in the world right now!!

Vinegar: I'm glad you've finally come around! Brown is one hell of a - WHAT?!?!?! A SLEDGEHAMMER SHOT TO BRANDON BROWN'S SPINE, JUST SENT HIM TO HIS KNEES AND THE GLOBAL TITLE TOPPLING HELPLESSLY TO THE MAT!!! WHAT IS THIS?!?!?!

Hanson: IT'S -

Vinegar: IT CAN'T BE!!!

Hanson: IT IS!!!!

Vinegar: NOT LIKE THIS!!!

Hanson: HELL YEAH, LIKE THIS!!!!

Vinegar: HOLY SHIT!!!

Hanson: HE'S BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!

Vinegar: DECLAN PRESCOTT IS STANDING IN THE RING, HOLDING A SLEDGEHAMMER OVER THE DEFENCELESS GLOBAL CHAMPION!!!! AND NOW HE SMASHES THAT WEAPON STRAIGHT INTO BROWN'S FOREHEAD!!! HE'S BEEN KNOCKED COMPLETELY UNCONSCIOUS, FACE DOWN ON THE CANVAS!!!

Hanson: I'M IN SHOCK!!! DECLAN HAS FINALLY COME BACK TO US!!! AND THAT WAS ONE HELL OF A MESSAGE HE JUST SENT TO BRANDON BROWN!!!!

Vinegar: BROWN JUST FOUGHT THE MOST EPIC BATTLE THE GIW HAS EVER WITNESSED AND HE CAME OUT ON TOP!!! THAT PIECE OF SHIT, DECLAN PRESCOTT, JUST ROBBED HIM OF HIS VICTORY!!!! I HOPE HE BURNS IN HELL!!!!!

The camera fades from the image of Declan Prescott kissing the Global Heavyweight Championship and then dropping it on Brandon Brown's lifeless body, to only darkness...

Brandon Brown: 7

Lord Deathman: 3

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

GIW Guerrilla Warfare 2008 Credits

Mixed Tag Match
Travis Roberts

Prototype vs. Witham
Lord Deathman

GIW Women's Championship Match
Declan Prescott

GIW Hardcore Championship Gauntlet Match
Declan Prescott

Triple Threat Match
Andy Savana

Global Heavyweight Championship Stretcher Match
Declan Prescott

Backstage Segments
Declan Prescott

Editor
Declan Prescott