Sentinel 19/7/08

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Vinegar: Welcome one and all to another fantastic edition of Global impact Wrestling Sentinel! And what a night we have in store for you tonight!

Hanson: Yo momma’s gonna have a good night!

Vinegar: Excuse me?

Hanson: You heard me…

Vinegar: Of course I did, but my mother is dead.

Hanson: Yo momma is dead!

Vinegar: What the fuck?! I just said... oh, never mind, let's just get onto tonight’s show…

Hanson: Maybe we can get back to y…

Vinegar: I swear to god, you say another word about dear old Mrs Vinegar and I’m gonna pay Skinny to give you a lap dance...anyway tonight we have Lord, Deathman and the Global Heavyweight Champion Brandon Brown going at it in the main event, with Declan Prescott as special guest referee. We have Donovan Hastings, Komosube, Travis Roberts and Dylan James in a fatal four way match. Chris Autin with BoolZ in his corner will face Andy Savana, with Aragato in his corner.

Hanson: We will also have that travesty of an excuse for a human Brandon McSkinny teaming with Christina Adams against Calypso Desmona and Gabrielle…I can’t wait till In Your Hands when the votes come in and Skinny finally leaves the Women’s division…or maybe even GIW.

Vinegar: But first off we have the Five-Way Sudden Death, the first to get the pin wins the match…

Hanson: So basically a fatal five way?

Vinegar: Or a fucked five way...

Dennis: The next match is a Five Way Sudden Death match. Very conveniently, already in the ring are ‘American Gangster’ DJ, Modern Hero, P Chizzle and Trent Jacobs…

Vinegar: Folks we have a very packed show tonight, hence we do not have time to watch each of these newcomers make an entrance…

Hanson: How many people do you think actually believe that?

“Remember The Name” hits the stadium PA and Chance appears at the top of the entrance way, red hoody draped over his head.

Dennis: And their opponent, currently residing in Dallas, Texas and weighing 223 ponds…ALEX ‘CHAAAAAAAAANCE’ MAAAAAAAAASON!

The crowd visibly pop at sight and sound of Chance. He makes his way to the ring and dives straight in.

Vinegar: Chance slides in and P-Chizzle immediately starts stomping away, Modern Hero and DJ both team up on Jacobs.

Hanson: Chance gets back onto his feet…MIC CHECK!!! OUT OF NOWHERE! Modern hero turns and focuses his attention on Chance, but Chance ducks and then hits Hero with a Modified Stunner…

Vinegar: Chizzle is still down, as ‘American Gangsta’ puts Trent Jacobs in a camel clutch…Chance with a dropkick to the back of DJ’s head breaking the hold…

Hanson: Chizzle is back on his feet, he runs at Chance who is looking the other way…DJ is back up…he goes for chance with a clothesline…

Vinegar: Chance ducks…and DJ lands P-Chizzle with that Clothesline, and Chance grabs him from behind…BELLY TO BACK SUPLEX OVER THE TOP ROPE!!!

Hanson: JESUS CHRIST! I think DJ just landed on the small of his neck, the guy may well have broken his neck…what a vicious manoeuvre from Chance…

Vinegar: Who has turned to face Jacobs and he whips him into the turnbuckle…Modern Hero is now back on his feet…and he springs onto Chance's shoulders…HURRICANRA….

Hanson: NO! Chance reverses it into a POWERBOMB! He leaves Hero’s body on the canvas…and turns just in time to see P-Chizzle running directly towards him…

Vinegar: Without breaking stride Chance leaps up and hits Chizzle with his own hurricarana…he stands and indicates to Modern Hero that that’s how it’s done!

Hanson: Now Chance climbs to top rope…as Trent Jacobs Climbs to his feet…DEAD BEAT! He hits Jacobs with that Flying Dropkick, and Jacobs is down…

Vinegar: Chance climbs to the top rope once more…STAGE FRIGHT! And he goes for the pin…

1…2……3!!!!

Dennis: Here is your winner, via absolutely dominating….ALEEEEEEX ‘CHAAAAAANCE’ MASOOOOOOOON!!!!

Vinegar: A very dominant victory here tonight, for that young man.

Hanson: Yo momma is a young man!

Chance stands up and looks around him at the four bodies on the floor, and switches his baseball cap into the backwards position and raises his hand and walks off…

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‘Why Can’t We Be Friends’ by Smash Mouth kicks in over the PA system causing a good albeit small reaction from the crowd. A decent ‘Man Champ’ chant tries to get started, as Brandon McSkinny makes his way onto the entrance ramp, the there are just not enough people dedicated to the chant to make it succeed.

Dennis: Ladies and Gentlemen the following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first from Los Angeles California, weighing in at 128 pounds, and standing five feet eight inches, this is Brandon MccSkiiiiiinnnnnnnyyyyyy!!!!

The chant is all but dead, but the city of L.A. got a decent pop from the crowd as Skinny makes his way to the ring desperately trying to get the crowd behind him. Seeing one of few signs in support Brandon takes the sign from a little girl at ringside, holds it up for the rest of the crowd to see, and they laugh as the sign is upside down.

Hanson: Great, not only is ¼ of the match gonna be unappealing to the eyes, but the doof can’t even figure out how a sign is supposed to work.

Vinegar: Well hold on now, I think Skinny is working it out, he turns the sign over, and now the fans have idea what it says.

Hanson: Ohh, the friggen sign is backwards now! Damnit that should be Misery in the match, or Chen, or hell I should be at ‘Tits and Tips’ the strip joint down the block.

‘Fake It’ by Seether mercifully adds something to the silence of a McSkinny entrance, and the Duchess of Hardcore enters the stage area motioning for the crowd to ‘bring it’.

Dennis: And his tag team partner from Chicago Illinois, weighting in at 150 pounds, standing five foot five inches, representing the Revolution, being accompanied by Aesc the Dark, she is the Duchess of Hardcore, she is Chistinnaaa Aaadddddaaaammmmmsssss!!!

Hanson: About time we fem’ed up this women's match! Ah, zombie!

Vinegar: And Adams wastes no time getting to the ring. I think she just wants to get this match started and over with, as Aesc makes his slow march to ringside. Tagging with Skinny, I can't blame her...

Hanson: HA HA! Look at the little twerp. I think he’s about to wet himself at the sight of Aesc.

‘Haunted’ by Evanescence changes gears of the speaker system, and the crowd responds with a mix of cheers and jeers as Calypso Desmona walks from behind the curtain.

Dennis: And their opponents, first currently residing in Hartford, Connecticut, she weights in at 138 pounds, standing five foot eight inches, representing Global Domination, this is the Mistress of Pain, this is Caaallllyyypppsooo Desssmonaaaa!!!

Hanson: Smart move by Donovan Hastings to stay in the back. This is a nothing match, and I’m sure Declan Prescott has more important things for the Lord of Pain to attend to.

Vinegar: What like shining his boots? Getting his coffee?

Hanson: I could only wish it would be kicking your ass.

‘Envy’ by KHZ kicks in and the crowd surprisingly begin cheering as the Gabrielle Montgomery and Jack Severino stand on the ramp. Jack takes a step back and twirls Gabrielle giving the fans what they’ve paid for before walking to ringside.

Dennis: And her tag team partner from the Galiano Island in the Strait of Georgia, being accompanied by Diamond Jack Severino, she weights in at 130 pounds, she stands five foot six inches, she is the Diamond Princess, she is Gabrrriellllle Maadddiison Mmmontgoommmmeeryyyy!!!

Hanson: …

Hanson: …

Vinegar: Folks you’ll have to bare with us here, my partner seems lost in thought, or perversion, or just general creepiness.

Hanson: Oh, she’s getting in the ring. Yeah baby bend over just like that. God I never wanted to be Hazel East more. Well that’s not true, I heard she self checks for lumps quite often.

Vinegar: Thank god, there’s the bell and it looks like it’ll be Calypso and McSkinny starting off the action.

Hanson: Wait, no it looks like Christina has called over McSkinny, and there’s the tag.

Vinegar: Well a lot of the ladies in the back are more than just a little upset as Brandon’s inclusion in the voting process for In Your Hands. A lot of the women feel it’s an insult, and a prime example of the office not giving them the respect they feel they deserve.

Hanson: Wow, this might be one time I agree with you. Come on, just look at those curvy luscious bodies, and then look at Ms. Skinny. They should enforce a ‘C’ Cup of better rule to enter the women’s division.

Vinegar: And we’re underway with a collar and elbow tie up. Adams the stronger of the two pushes Calypso into the corner. Hazel calling for a clean break, and she got, as Adams backs off slowly.

Hanson: Big mistake as Calypso looks like she’s casting a spell on Christina.

Vinegar: Cast a spell?

Hanson: Yeah, you know she’s got magical powers right? How else do you explain the ‘horny’ spell she’s got me under?

Vinegar: And Adams doesn’t look like she appreciated that too much, charges in, and connects with a running knee in the corner.

Hanson: See, now she’s got Adams under that ‘horny’ spell. Wait, if we’re both under the…

Vinegar: And she locks up looking for snap suplex, and executes perfectly saving us from your finished sentence Daniel.

Hanson: Yeah what ever. It’s not my fault Calypso wants us together, god bless her heart.

Vinegar: Adams measuring now, waiting for Calypso to regain her footing, pulls the trigger, and hits a devastating superkick.

Hanson: Oh honey, don’t fight her spell, succumb to the wonders that are Dan Dawg.

Vinegar: Calypso back up, and takes another stiff superkick.

Hanson: This is no way to treat our cupid babe. I think you should let her up, and hug or snuggle or just thank her for bringing us together.

Vinegar: I don’t think she can hear you, I don’t think she cares about you, and I don’t think Calypso is going to be casting anymore spells as Adams unleashes the third superkick.

Hanson: And you’re wrong. Calypso side steps the kick, hooks the leg, and drops Adams with that leg hook suplex, here’s the bridge, and the count.

East: One!

Vinegar: Skinny trying to get in the ring! Gabrielle sprints to cut him off!

East: Two!!

Hanson: Look at the doof Ms. Skinny, he just tripped over his own ropes, and somehow managed to break the pin, or use Calypso to break his fall.

Vinegar: Gabrielle having some choice words for Skinny as Hazel East escorts her back to her corner. Skinny struggling to get outside the ropes, and he falls again to the apron.

Hanson: That’s it, show that doubter your powers Calypso. The Witch Woman pulls her back to her feet by the hair, hits the ropes, and then a gnarly running neck breaker! Show her why she should have submitted to your spell, and came over with me!

Vinegar: Aesc or Dylan James I’m sure will not look too favourably at your comments, Daniel.

Hanson: Like I care? What are they going to do? I have the mystic powers of the Mistress of Pain on my side.

Vinegar: Well, Desmona pulls Adams back to her feet, Irish whip into corner, she charges in, looking for a monkey flip…

Hanson: What the hell?! Aesc just pulled Adams out of the corner! Calypso caught herself on the ropes, and she’s yelling something at Aesc while climbing to the top!

Vinegar: And there’s DJS with a huge bicycle kick to the jaw of Aesc!

Hanson: And a missile drop kick to Adams from Calypso, causes Christina to stumble back into her corner, and Ms. Skinny makes the blind tag!

Vinegar: Calypso looks amused at Skinny as East tries to restore order to the outside.

Hanson: Now’s her chance. I'm thinking one banishment spell and Ms. Skinny is gone for good.

Vinegar: Skinny again has a hard time negotiating the ropes, but makes in the ring finally. Calypso with some strong words for Skinny, who fires back with a bitch slap!

Hanson: That was one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen! He was a good foot off target! He would have been better off just trying to cop a feel.

Vinegar: I think Calypso is motioning for that banishment spell now, nope, I was wrong, but that is how you deliver a bitch slap!

Hanson: Yes! Ms. Skinny hits the mat, and Calypso now stomping away on that pervert!

Vinegar: You look ok to me, Daniel. Calypso now pulling Skinny back up, what the hell?!

Hanson: That’s just not right! HA HA!

Vinegar: We’re sorry folks, but desperate men will do desperate things.

Hanson: Cunt punt, when you just done playing fair!

Vinegar: And Skinny is lost, he doesn’t know what to do next! He just stands there as Calypso staggers to her corner.

Hanson: And that Caramel Skinned Sexpot is waiting for the tag. Hell I’ll tell you I wouldn’t mind ta…

DJS passing by: Finish that sentence and I’ll rip your tongue out of your throat, and stick it where Obese Tony makes two.

Vinegar: Thank you Mr. Severino. And the Perfect Beauty in the ring now, and yelling at Skinny to try that on her.

Hanson: …

Vinegar: Daniel you gonna add anything?

Hanson: I’ll wait until Jack stops glaring at me.

Vinegar: Suit yourself. Oh god he’s trying that kick again, but GMM drops down and drop kicks the other leg of Skinny sending him to the mat. She’s up, pulls Skinny to his feet, and puts him down again with that split legged hangman's neck breaker!

Hanson: Alright good Severino’s on the other side of the ring now. God look at that form, look at that splits, I never wanted to be the canvas more.

Vinegar: You know he still might be able to hear you?

Hanson: Oh I don’t care, it might be worth it. I can’t believe I’m saying this but I think I want to be Ms. Skinny now too!

Vinegar: What? Really?

Hanson: Of course, look he’s taking a hurricarana from the Epitome of Beauty! Look where his head is!

East: One!

Vinegar: Oh god, oh look at that face on Gabrielle! She looks like she’s been violated!

East: Two!!

Hanson: I guess that’s one way to break a pin!

Vinegar: Severino and East both asking Gabrielle what happened, and look at Skinny! He’s sitting up with a complete look euphoria!

Hanson: But look at Diamond Jack, his look just went to absolute rage!

Vinegar: You’ve seen that look a lot haven’t you?

Hanson: Yeah, so, each time it was worth it!

Vinegar: Gabrielle is trying to explain to East what happened as Calypso and Adams both get a disgusted look on there face.

Hanson: I think McSkinny is my new hero!

Crowd: Skin-ny…Skin-ny…Skin-ny!!!

Vinegar: Wait just a minute! DJS in the ring now with Dennis’ chair, and he’s just blasted Skinny in the back of his little head!

Hanson: Never mind about the hero thing, but I bet it was still worth it!

Vinegar: And Hazel’s calling for the bell!

Dennis: Ladies and Gentlemen your winners by disqualification, Brandon McSkinny and Christina Adams.

Vinegar: I think we’re going to need some help out here, as DJS continues hammering Skinny in the face now with that chair. Clearly going for the jaw of Skinny!

Hanson: Well Aesc in the ring now, and DJS wastes no time levelling him with that chair too!!

Vinegar: And here come a flood of hoes and bitches, being led by Professor Bling, to break up the chaos, and separate all involved!! DJS and Gabby are the first to head up the ramp. She still looks humiliated and disgusted, DJS looks ready to kill someone.

Hanson: Yeah, I bet it was still worth it.

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Dennis: The next match is scheduled for one fall, introducing first, accompanied by Aragato, from Houston, Texas and weighing 244 pounds….ANDYYYYY SAVANAAAAA!

“Bullet with Butterfly Wings” hits and the crowd let out a loud cheer in unison. Andy Savana appears at the top of stage and starts to make his way down to the ring. Aragato follows at about 5 feet behind making cautious steps behind Savana.

Vinegar: These two will be facing one another at In Your Hands, but tonight Savana will be relying on Aragato not to cost him this match….

Hanson: Aragato looks wary of that psychopathic enigma, and well he should, who knows what kind of mood Savana is in, he could well decide he doesn’t care about Chris Austin and try and soften Aragato up before their match at In Your Hands…

“Fucking In The Bushes” hits the PA, and Chris Austin comes onto the stage followed by Randy Boolzian, the crowd cheer loudly for these two men, the women begin shrieking hysterically, and their boyfriends look uncomfortably jealous and squirm in their seats.

Dennis: His opponent, accompanied by Global Impact Wrestling’s Hardcore Champion Randy Boolzian, currently residing in Miami Beach, Florida and weighing 205 pounds…CHRIIIIIS AUSTIIIIIIIN!!!!

Hanson: Look at those guys! Austin is telling BoolZ to go backstage, he doesn’t need his help…

Vinegar: And BoolZ is just protesting that he has to be out there, he was booked and he ain’t going to no-show, Austin doesn’t look overly happy with it, but makes his way to the ring nevertheless…

Hanson: I wouldn’t be happy either, who knows what that caffeine addled junkie is gonna do, he’ll probably cost Austin the match just for the hell of it…

Vinegar: There is no way in hell he’d do that…

Hanson: Oh yeah? You forget how Austin lost his undefeated streak? That’s right, it was because BoolZ got him disqualified…first he took his streak, and then his Title…Austin is right not to trust that scumbag!

Vinegar: It’s no wonder people get paranoid when folks like you spout so much garbage. Randy is a good guy, he wouldn’t have wanted this to happen like it has, but he’s just rolling with the punches…

Both Savana and Austin are now in the ring. BoolZ makes himself comfortable and leans against the ringpost outside, whilst Aragato slowly paces his side of the ring, never letting his eyes off of Andy Savana.

DING!

Vinegar: This match is underway, and both men circle one another, sizing one another up. The last time these guys met was at Guerrilla Warfare, Savana came out on top that time, but don’t forget Austin had been through one match already…this time he’s fresh…

Hanson: And it’s Austin that strikes first, locking up with Savana and quickly using a hammerlock takedown to take Savana to the ground.

Vinegar: Austin still has that wrist grasped, and he lifts his knee, and brings it down violently on Savana’s back….and again…he releases Savana’s arm and pulls him upright…

Hanson: Savana though strikes Austin in the abdomen and then follows with a spinning heel kick to the face, sending Austin stumbling into the ropes…

Vinegar: Savana quickly runs at Austin and hits him with a flying shoulder block…the momentum of both men sends them crashing over the top rope and out onto the arena floor….

Hanson: Savana is quickest to his feet, and he grabs Chris Austin and whips him…straight into Aragato…both men collapse on the floor, whilst Andy Savana climbs into the ring….both Aragato and Austin climb to their feet…Savana launches himself over the top rope…FLYING BODY PRESS! He takes both men down once again…I told ya he would go for Araggato, but he’s working far more focused than usual…

Vinegar: But surely he doesn’t want Aragato coming for him tonight? It may be too late for that though, as Aragato climbs to his feet, and goes nose to nose with Andy Savana, he says nothing but stares into the eyes of the madman…Savana has plenty to say though and is talking trash to Aragato…

Hanson: How do you know he’s not just talking to himself?

Vinegar: I don’t…but whatever it is that he is saying it seems to be annoying Aragato…he goes to clock Savana….NO!

Hanson: Austin has grabbed Aragato’s hand, he doesn’t want to be disqualified tonight, he then throws Aragato against the railings, and proceeds to grab Savana and hit him with a Suplex to the arena floor!

Vinegar: Aragato seems to be insulted by Austin for throwing him aside and stopping him from striking Savana, and he now squares up to the ‘King of Kama Sutra’, his eyes narrow…but before the altercation gets any further BoolZ comes around the corner and slides himself in between the two, telling Aragato to back off…but Austin grabs him by the shoulder and starts screaming at him “I DON’T NEED YOUR HELP!”…

Hanson: But he’s not focused on Savana, who is up on his feet, he wraps his arms around Austin, he's going for the Belly to Back Su…

Vinegar: No Austin hooks his leg to block it, then spins and locks his arm around Savana’s head…DDT! Straight onto the floor…Austin gets up and screams at BoolZ to back off…then slides Savana back into the ring, but as he climbs back in he pauses on the canvas, turns to Aragato and makes a vulgar gesture with his hips…and seems to be saying something about Chen…Aragato starts to tremble with rage on the outside, but does not come after Austin just yet…

Hanson: Hang on a minute, those guys were outside for a hell of a long time….where did the ring out count go?

Vinegar: It seems Owen Peterson has either forgotten his basic refereeing training, which could mean we’ll be here for a long night, or he just didn’t want this match being decided that way…

Hanson: When did referee’s start changing the rules?

Vinegar: I’m not sure, but remember you said that when it comes to the main event. Back to the action in the ring now. Austin has Savana in the corner, and he lifts him to the top rope and makes him face out of the ring…he springboards off the middle rope…and grabs Savana’s neck on the way down…vicious neck breaker! He goes for the cover…1….2…NO!

Hanson: Savana has enough about him to kick out at the last moment, Austin isn’t too pleased and is arguing with Peterson. Savana drags himself to his feet, holding his neck whilst doing so…

Vinegar: That innovative move from Austin seems to have hurt Savana, but he charges at Austin, who spots him just in time…and tosses him over the top rope…and into Mitchell Dennis…and Savana has crushed our ring announcer…Owen Peterson, goes to the ropes to see what's happening and to check if he needs to signal for medical attention for Dennis….

Hanson: Aragato has entered the ring, Austin hasn’t noticed…Aragato is reaching for those kendo sticks…Austin starts to turn...here it comes…21 Dea…

Vinegar: NO! BoolZ quickly makes his way into the ring and takes Aragato down with a DiscomBoolZalator!! Austin turns around, see’s this…I don’t believe this…he’s screaming at BoolZ to get out of the ring, What kind of thanks is that?! BoolZ just raises his hands and then slams them down as if to say, ‘enough, enough!’ and he starts walking up the ramp...Austin leans on the ropes shouting to BooLZ that he can watch his own back…

Hanson: Peterson finishes looking at Dennis…Savana is back in the ring…Austin hasn’t seen him…Savana sneaks up behind Austin…SMALL PACKAGE!....1….2….3!!!!

Dennis: Your…winner…via pinfall…ummm…ANDY SAVANAAAAAA!

Vinegar: Austin can’t believe it, BoolZ hasn’t even made it backstage yet, and Austin looks up in shock, and looks directly towards Randy Boolzian, who just stands centre stage, staring right back at Austin. These two are gonna have one hell of a match at in Your Hands…

[Red Bull Icon]

"Immortal" hits and the arena instantly fills with boos in response. Donovan Hastings enters the arena area, wrapped in his signature cloak. He raises his arms and vision to the ceiling, before heading towards the ring.

Dennis: The following contest is a fatal four way match! Introducing first, representing Global Domination, from Hartford, Connecticut and weighing 230 pounds... LOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRD DONOVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASTINGS!!!!

"Bummer" begins playing, as Hastings enter the ring. Travis Roberts makes his way from the curtains, arms outstretched and being met with a mighty cheer. He takes several moments to take in the adulation and then makes his way down the ramp.

Dennis: And the opponent, currently residing in Los Angeles, California and weighing 220 pounds, The Blessed One... TRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAVIS RRRRRRRRRRRRRROBERTS!!!!

"Blackened" hits and is met with heavy boos. Dylan James enters the stage, rolls his arms and heads to the ring.

Dennis: And the opponent, representing the gang of copyright infringers, from Detroit, Michigan and weighing 240 pounds... HAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRDCORE DYLAAAAAAAAAAAAN JAAAAAAAAAAAAAMES!!!

"Endless Song" hits and the GIW arena fills with intense cheers. Komosube appears, in kimono and eating a bowl of rice, as usual. He begins strolling down the ramp and to the ring.

Dennis: And the opponent, representing Hiroshima, from Kyoto, Japan and weighing 409 pounds... KOMOSUUUUUUUUUUUUUBE!!!!

Vinegar: Komosube is the biggest, strongest and meanest athlete in this match. He's removed his entrance gear and is entering the squared circle, but his three opponents instantly on the attack, as the bell rings!!

Hanson: Yeah, real smart move. Take out the big, fat one first and then let Lord Hastings win! These guys are smart.

Vinegar: I seriously doubt that's what James and Roberts are planning... Now Hastings and The Blessed One pulling Komosube into a double suplex position. They lift him up, while James climbs to the top rope! My God, that's some 400 pounds those men are lifting! And James with a missile dropkick to Komo - NO! Hastings and Roberts deliver the suplex and James has nowhere to plant his feet! He goes crashing to the mat!!

Hanson: All the more closer to Lord Hastings winning. Declan will be pleased!

Vinegar: Of for God's sake... Back in the ring, Hastings applying a headlock to the still downed James, meanwhile Roberts drops a stern elbow across Komo's face! He looks for a second, but Komosube catches The Blessed One by the arm and throws him to the side!

Hanson: That fatty may not have much brains - turning on GD and all - but he's strong, I'll give him that.

Vinegar: How generous of you, Dan... Now Komosube getting back up, but Roberts scrambles to his feet and boots the sumo in the skull. Komosube goes tumbling into the ropes, but is still standing. Hastings watching on, that headlock still being applied to the powerless DJ. The Headliner following up with a clothesline on Komosube! Komo ducks and delivers a THUNDEROUS knife hand to Roberts' chest! Now it's The Blessed One who goes reeling into the ropes!

Hanson: But Komosube quickly whips him across the ring! Roberts comes racing back Komo blasts him to the mat with a massive shoulder block!

Vinegar: Incredible strength from Komosube. But now Hastings has released James and is on the attack! He delivers a neck breaker from behind, levelling the sumo warrior! Roberts getting back up, but Hastings slams him back down with a spine buster!

Hanson: Watch out, Lord Hastings! DJ is getting back up, behind you!

Vinegar: Hastings notices and is quick on the attack, but James EXPLODES with a massive spear!!!

Hanson: But now Komosube is up! And BAM! He just threw James face first into the top turnbuckle, like he was a rag doll!

Vinegar: He's not done yet, though! He pulls Hastings up by the throat and whips him full speed into the same corner, as DJ!! Hastings collides with The Hardcore Superstar, but Komosube charges right after him AND SQUASHES BOTH MEN IN THE CORNER WITH ALL HIS BODY WEIGHT!!!

Hanson: That fat bastard!!!

Vinegar: But Roberts is back up behind Komosube and takes him down with a Russian leg sweep! NOW ROBERTS PULLS HASTINGS OUT OF THE CORNER AND ROLLS HIM UP!!! ONE!!! TW - DJ BREAKS IT WITH AN ELBOW DROP!!

Hanson: WOAH! THAT WAS TOO CLOSE! LORD HASTINGS WAS NEARLY PINNED!!!

Vinegar: It's likely Hastings would have kicked out there, but DJ wasn't taking any chances! Now everyone, except Komosube is back to their feet. Hastings and Roberts lock up, The Lord Of Pain seemingly taking exception to that pin attempt! DJ using the distraction to slide out of the ring. Now he's looking under the canvas and I bet I know exactly what he's looking for... yep! He's pulled out a weapon. A steel chair to be specific!

Hanson: Well he is hardcore, you know?

Vinegar: Roberts taking Hastings down with a power slam, meanwhile Komosube is getting back to a vertical base. BUT HE'S PROMPTLY TAKEN DOWN ONCE MORE, AFTER A CHAIR SHOT TO THE SKULL FROM JAMES!!

Hanson: But Roberts has seen it and is on the attack!

Vinegar: THE BLESSED ONE BOOTING THAT CHAIR RIGHT INTO DJ'S FACE!!!

Hanson: OH NO!!! NOW HE MAKES THE COVER!!!

Vinegar: ONE! TWO! THR - DJ KICKS OUT!!!

Hanson: Woah! Roberts has made two pin attempts in this match!!

Vinegar: And if he can keep this up, one of them will soon win him the match!

Hanson: But he can't, Nick! Lord Hastings is up again and he has hold of that chair!!

Vinegar: BOOM! BIG CHAIR SHOT TO THE ROBERTS' HEAD TAKES THE HEADLINER DOWN!

Hanson: Now Hastings is putting that chair on the mat and pulling Roberts up. What's he got planned here, Nick?!

Vinegar: DESTINY'S CALL ONTO THE STEEL CHAIR!!! HE CONNECTS AND ROBERTS IS OUT OF IT!!! HASTINGS COVERS!! ONE!! TWO!!!! THRE - KOMOSUBE BREAKS THE COUNT AND CRUSHES BOTH MEN WITH A BODY SPLASH!!!

Hanson: He's only meant to do that in the corner!

Vinegar: I guess he saw it as the most effective way to break that count!! And now DJ is groggily getting back up, but Komosube grabs him right away! KAMIKAZE SMASHER ONTO THE CHAIR!!! NOW KOMOSUBE WITH THE PIN!!! ONE!!! TWO!!! THR - HASTINGS WITH A DOUBLE AXE HANDLE, BREAKS IT!!!!

Hanson: Komosube doesn't seem too happy about that! Watch out, my Lord!!

Vinegar: Komosube back up swings a wild clothesline at Hastings! The Immortal wisely ducks and grabs Komosube's legs! He sweeps the sumo right off his feet and sends him face first to the canvas! Hastings quickly grabs that chair, which has been mangled after all the attacks used with it!

Hanson: BUT KOMOSUBE WITH A FIST TO THE JANGLIES!!!! HE CAN'T DO THAT TO A LORD!!!

Vinegar: He can and did! Now he's dragging the hurting Hastings to the corner. SIGNALLING FOR THE KAMIKAZE SMASHER!!!!

Hanson: But thankfully the Lord breaks free with an elbow straight into Komo's nose! Now he bounces off the ropes and looks for - ARGH!!!

Vinegar: HASTINGS RUNNING HEADLONG INTO A TREMENDOUS HEAD BUTT FROM KOMOSUBE! HASTINGS JUST WENT CRASHING TO THE MAT!!!

Hanson: And look at Komosube smiling! That fat, maniacal fucker is deranged! Someone stop him!!

Vinegar: You just got your wish, Dan! Roberts locking in a sleeper from behind on Komo! But DJ out of nowhere, blasting The Headliner in the skull with a dropkick and sending him tumbling right out of the ring!!

Hanson: And Lord Hastings is back up just in time to take a clothesline right over the ropes and out of the ring!!! Oh no!!!

Vinegar: Komosube turning around to face DJ, who quickly kicks him in the gut!!! JAMES LOOKING FOR THE ADRENALINE RUSH! BUT HE CAN'T LIFT KOMOSUBE!!! KOMOSUBE BATTLING OUT WITH SOME RIGHTS AND LEFTS AND THEN DELIVERS THE KAMIKAZE SMASHER FOR THE SECOND TIME IN THE MATCH!!! KOMOSUBE COVERS!!! ONE!!! ROBERTS AND HASTINGS BOTH CLIMBING BACK INTO THE RING!! TWO!!!! THEY'RE TOO LATE!!! IT'S OVER!!! THREE!!!!!

Dennis: Your winner, via pinfall... KOMOSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUBE!!!!!

Hanson: This sucks!

Vinegar: A well fought battle, no doubt! If the fans allow Komosube to enter the In Your Hands main event, he has one hell of a shot at that Title!!

Hanson: At least Lord Hastings wasn't defeated, I guess...

Vinegar: The glass is always half full, Dan.

Hanson: Hmph! Yo momma is half full!

[Red Bull Icon]

"The Air That I Breathe" plays over the arena sound system, being met with a single, unanimous booing. Declan Prescott makes his way onto the stage, in referee shirt, his arms extended in the air.

Dennis: The following match is scheduled for one fall! Introducing the guest referee, representing Global Domination, from Los Angeles, California, the owner of Global Impact Wrestling, The Significant Player... DECLAAAAAAAAAAAN PRRRRRRRRRRRRESCOTT!!!

Prescott enters the ring, as the arena turns dark. Several eerie musical notes play, before the lights return, revealing both Lord Deathman and Misery kneeling in the ring. Misery exits the ring, while Deathman turns to the entrance stage.

Dennis: And the first competitor, representing Global Domination, being accompanied by the GIW WOMEN'S CHAMPION Misery, from The Dark and weighing 370 pounds, The General Of Destruction... LOOOOOORRRRRRRRD DEATHMAAAAAAAAAN!!!

"Kickstart My Heart" pumps into play and Brandon Brown quickly leaps from behind the curtains. The Global Heavyweight Championship belt is around his waist and Big B is following behind him.

Dennis: And the opponent, being accompanied by Big B Brown, from Albion, Indiana and weighing 190 pounds, the GLOBAL HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION... BRRRRRRRRRRRANDON BRRRRRRRRRRROWN!!!

Vinegar: Brown handing the Title directly to Old Man Hermit, before sliding into the ring. And Deathman instantly kicks him right in the face!!

Hanson: And now Declan calling for the bell. This one is underway, Nick! Just like at Toxic Intent, Lord Deathman is going to crush Brandon Brown!

Vinegar: Deathman pulling Brown up and tosses him into the corner. Prescott is smiling, as Deathman grabs Brown! That man is sic - NO! Brandon with his legs in the air, takes Deathman down with an INSANE head scissor!!

Hanson: Oh no! Do something, Declan!!

Vinegar: Prescott simply watching on for now, but I seriously doubt that will last the entire match. Now Deathman quickly back up, but Brown on the offensive with a stiff DDT! But The General Of Destruction getting up right away. Brown with an enziguri!!!

Hanson: But it didn't knock him down, Nick!

Vinegar: Deathman goes stumbling backwards, but remains on his feet! Brown charges, but Deathman with a thunderous power slam!! HE MAKES THE COVER ALREADY! ONETWOTHR - KICK OUT!!! THAT WAS THE FASTEST COUNT KNOWN TO MAN!!!

Hanson: That's just your old age, Nick. You can't keep up like you used to. Declan's count was fine.

Vinegar: That's complete bull! Regardless, Deathman pulling Brown up by the hair and punches him straight in the face! Brown falling right back down and now Deathman going to work with some vicious stomps!! But Brown able to roll free and scrambles back up. Deathman already on the assault with a belly-to-belly sup - NO! Brown breaks free with some desperate rights and lefts, before delivering a GIANT dropkick straight to Deathman's mask!!! The General Of Destruction goes tumbling into the corner and Brown follows up with a hurricarana - NO!!! Deathman counters into a VICIOUS power bomb!!!

Hanson: A couple more of those and Declan can take as long as he wants to count - Brown won't be kicking out.

Vinegar: Deathman raising his cusped hand to the heavens, as if imitating holding that Global Heavyweight Title. These fans are giving him a lot of heat for it, but the distraction has proven enough time for Brown to get back up. But Deathman is ready, grabs a handful of Brown's hair and violently yanks him back down to the canvas! Deathman in clear control, now.

Hanson: And that's how it's gonna stay! Lord D-Mike'll show all these bitches how it's done, yo!!

Vinegar: But Brown isn't finished yet! Not by a long shot! He's getting back up and side steps a right fist from The General. The Champ running to the ropes and comes racing back with a cross body, but Deathman catches him!!!

Hanson: Haha! He's finished!!!

Vinegar: AND DEATHMAN DUMPS BROWN RIGHT OVER THE TOP ROPE AND SENDS HIM PLUMMETING TO THE FLOOR!!! THE GLOBAL CHAMP JUST WENT FALLING SOME TEN FEET THROUGH THE AIR!!!

Hanson: Damn, that white bread just got splattered like road kill. Homey ain't gon' be standing fo a while.

Vinegar: Do you take anything seriously?!

Hanson: I took yo momma seriously last night!!

Vinegar: Not this again! Moving on... Prescott has started the ten count here and he seems to be counting at a regular pace. He's now up to three. I guess he wants Deathman to win by pinfall.

Hanson: Or submission! Besides, Declan is just being fair and impartial. That's what he does.

Vinegar: I can guarantee that Brown won't be submitting during this match, as he's pulling himself back up, via use of the apron. Prescott up to five now, but I don't see Deathman quitting either.

Hanson: Lord Deathman doesn't know the meaning of the word 'quit'. Or 'mercy' or 'compassion' for that matter.

Vinegar: Prescott up to seven now and seems to be counting even slower than before. But now Brown has pulled himself onto the apron and The Significant Player saying the match will continue. But Deathman is ready and waiting and swings a deranged fist at Brown. Brandon ducks it, grabs The General's head and guillotines his neck on the top rope!! Now Brown leaps to the top rope and is looking to FLY back into the ring, BUT THAT BITCH MISERY JUMPS ONTO THE APRON AND SHAKES THE TO ROPE!! BROWN LOSES HIS FOOTING AND LANDS GROIN FIRST ON THE ROPE!!!

Hanson: Haha! And now he goes tumbling back into the ring, where Deathman is primed and waiting!!

Vinegar: But look at this! Big B pulls that wench Misery from the apron, tosses her to the safety barrier AND CRUSHES HER AGAINST IT WITH ALL HIS WEIGHT!!!

Hanson: HE CAN'T DO THAT!!! SHE MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO WALK AFTER HIS FAT ATTACK!!!

Vinegar: Than she shouldn't have interjected herself into this match!! But Deathman hasn't even noticed, because he's too busy pulling Brown up AND DELIVERING THE GRAVEYARD EFFECT IN THE CENTRE OF THE RING!!! BIG B RACING UP THE STEPS AND ONTO THE APRON, BUT PRESCOTT KICKS HIM STRAIGHT IN THE HEAD WITH THE PERFECT PLAY AND BIG B ROLLS LIFELESSLY TO THE FLOOR!!!

Hanson: YES! YES! YES! HE'S AN EXCELLENT REFEREE AND NOW DEATHMAN HAS COVERED BROWN!!!

Vinegar: ONE!!! DAMMIT, THIS IS HIGHWAY ROBBERY!!! TWO!!!! THAT PRESCOTT IS ABSOLUTE SCUM!!! THRE - KICK OUT BY BROWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hanson: THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE!!! IT HAD TO BE THREE!!!

Vinegar: BUT IT WASN'T! AND NOW DEATHMAN IS FURIOUS AT PRESCOTT!!! DECLAN NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO, SIMPLY TELLS DEATHMAN TO COVER AGAIN!!! THE GENERAL LOOKS FOR ANOTHER PIN, BUT BROWN WITH A DROP TOE HOLD!!! NOW HE LOCKS IN THE CATTLE MUTILATION ON THE DOWNED DEATHMAN!!!!!

Hanson: NOT POSSIBLE!!! BREAK IT UP, DECLAN!!!

Vinegar: PRESCOTT IS WATCHING ON, AS DEATHMAN WRITHERS HELPLESSLY! HE'S GONNA HAVE TO - NO!!!! DEATHMAN WITH INHUMAN STRENGTH CLIMBING BACK TO HIS FEET, BROWN STILL HANGING OFF HIM!!!! NOW DEATHMAN IS LOOKING FOR A VERTEBRAKER, BUT BROWN ROLLS FREE AND LANDS ON HIS FEET BEHIND THE BIG MAN! THE GENERAL WHISKS AROUND AS FAST AS HE CAN AND EATS A SUPER KICK RIGHT TO THE - NO!!!! THAT PIECE OF SHIT PRESCOTT JUST LEVELLED THE GLOBAL CHAMPION WITH THE SIGNIFICANT IMPACT!!!!

Hanson: YES!!!! NOW DEATHMAN IS COVERING!!!

Vinegar: ONE!!! NOT LIKE THIS!!! TWO!!! THIS IS A DISGRACE!!! THREE!!! AH, FUCK OFF!!!!

Dennis: Your winner, via pinfall... LOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRD DEATHMAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!

Hanson: Alright!!! I told you, Nick! Just like at Toxic Intent!

Vinegar: Yeah, just like at Toxic Intent, Brown has been SCREWED out of the victory! He was able to kick out of the Graveyard Effect, but the Graveyard Effect and The Significant Impact combined proved to be too much. Now Deathman has all the momentum going into In Your Hands!

Hanson: And Declan proved that he's with GD through and through!

Vinegar: All he proved is that he still can't handle the fact Brown beat him! And now he's taking his weasel-like behind up the ramp, leaving Deathman to gloat over Brown's hurting body. This is sickening! But folks, right now, we're out of time. I apologise if the ending of this program has brought a bitter taste to your mouth! We hope that won't stop you from joining us next week for the monumental PPV, In Your Hands. Until then, I'm -

Hanson: Nah Nick, let me do it! This is Dan Dawg with White Boy Squared, calling it a night!

Vinegar: Oh God. Just when I thought things couldn't get any more fuc -

[Red Bull Icon]

Sentinel 19/7/08 Credits

Five Way Sudden Death
Travis Roberts

Skinny/Women Tag
Randy Boolzian

Austin vs. Savana
Travis Roberts

Fatal Four Way
Declan Prescott

Brown vs. Deathman
Declan Prescott

Editor
Declan Prescott