Post by Lord Hastings on Sept 22, 2018 20:37:42 GMT -5
It is moments after the draft has concluded. Donovan has left the room and is walking down the hallway with a clipboard tucked under his arm, on which is attached a paper on which he appears to have doodled nonsense with a crayon.
Zane: Hey! Wait up!
Zane catches up to Donovan as Donovan turns to look at him but continues to walk.
Zane: What are you doing?
Hastings: Going back to the lair, obviously.
Zane: No, I mean what did you just do to me in there?
Hastings: Isn’t it fantastic?!
Zane: I’m admittedly not sure yet, but no, probably not.
Hastings: It has been too long, months, it’s just been the Paradox standing alone. It’s time to bring back the pain! Outlast...2018...PAIN AND PARADOX REBORN. This shit sells itself. I’m on such a roll.
Zane: So you’re going to, hold on, just stop for a second.
Donovan obliges and turns to face to Zane, but does glance at his doodling as though something is pressing.
Zane: It is going to be YOU, right? You’re the one that’s going to be in the match?
Hastings: I don’t know what you’re worried about. We’ve got Lucky on our team.
Zane: You had me compete in a trios tournament with a piece of cardboard and a minion in a donkey suit as partners.
Hastings: Nobody cares about your worry-glowering.
Zane: I still don’t know what that means but I’m still sure I’m not doing it.
Hastings: Listen, Zane…
He puts his hand on Zane’s shoulder.
Hastings: Since we started this ride, you’ve become the face of this company. The only sanctioned triple champion in UGWC history. You think anybody else is going to accomplish that, ever? Honestly, have I steered you wrong yet? Everything is going to work out exactly the way it needs to, trust me. Some things are just inevitable.
Donovan pats Zane’s shoulder and smiles, and then turns and continues down the hallway. Zane slowly nods his head.
Zane: You’re sticking me with the cardboard again, aren’t you?
Hastings: PAIN AND PARADOX REDUX!!!!
Lucky and Chaos are drinking together and imaging the possibilities. They enjoy their beverages in a moment of silence, until that silence is disturbed.
Chaos: You’re fucking shitting me.
Lucky looks back over his shoulder to match the Buzzsaw’s gaze, and is surprised to see Owen Peterson walking towards them.
Chaos: What the fuck are you doing here?
Peterson: The Lord-Creative Director sent me on his behalf. I have two questions.
Lucky: I suppose we’re fortunate he sent you and not a life-size poster of himself.
Peterson: Lucky, even.
Both men just stare at him.
Peterson: Get it? Lucky? Because...nevermind.
Lucky: What’s your questions?
Peterson: The Lord-Creative Director would like to know if you are ready to support our quest to help Zane Scott achieve his destiny.
Lucky: Achieve his-
Chaos: You can tell your dipshit boss that this man right here is focused on one fuckin’ thing, and that’s bringing the title home for himself!
Lucky: C…
Chaos: And another thing, tell that DIPSHIT that if he wants to talk to Luck, he can come do it himself, not send some flunky to do it for him!
Peterson: You’d have preferred for Donovan to have walked in here while you were drinking?
Chaos: That...is a fair point.
Lucky: What was your second question?
Peterson: Do you guys have a Karaoke machine?
The Lair of Creative Pain…
Hastings: Ms. Lacklan. Thank you for joining me.
Sarah glances back at the two burly men standing behind her. She narrows her eyes and adjusts her glasses, then points a finger at one of them.
Lacklan: Mind your hands next time, Grabby McGrabbington. My Beloved would be LIVID if she knew you "accidentally" touched my legendarily sweet booty.
Hastings: You can leave us.
The burly men saunter out of the office. Donovan gestures to the chair in front of him.
Hastings: Please, sit. Mind the trap door. It's possible that it works now.
Sarah eyes the outline of the trap door.
Lacklan: Yes, Jeanette told me about it.
Hastings: Who?
Lacklan: Jeanette. My pigeon. Who brought you that note at Infinity?
Hastings gives her a blank look and she rolls her eyes with such drama that we probably just won an Emmy.
Lacklan: Ugh. Boys never remember ANTHING.
She carefully spreads the skirts of her unnecessarily massive and ornate Firestarter dress as she carefully steps over the trap door and sits in the offered chair.
Hastings: My condolences on your recent loss.
Sarah rolls her eyes again as her face turns even more pale than usual.
Lacklan: Ugh, don't remind me. I mean, I'm tobvs happy for Angelica, and proud of myself for being such an amazeballs teacher, but that move of hers? The Ew! She should be happy that I haven't launched a formal complaint! It's SO GROSS! Only ONE set of fingers gets to get jammed down my throat, and that's only when we're doing so odd roleplaying!
Donovan opens his mouth a few times to respond, clearly not sure if he should or how he should do it, then shakes his head and changes course.
Hastings: I'll get straight to the point. Zane saw fit to draft you, he felt so strongly about it that he delayed the announcement that Pain and Paradox is returning to action to the second round. That was an internet-breaking level of announcement, I'm sure all your little Fangites or whatever you call them were all very excited for it.
Lacklan: "Fang Gang." Or "Fang Bangers." But, yeah, duh. Everyone knows how much I heart #DonoZane and now your pairing makes my lady parts quiver, and its gonna be a blast to lead you guys to victory! Just like how I lead Angie to victory last week!
Hastings: Yes, your leadership talents are simply stunning. This is what I need you to understand, I have very specific plans for Zane Scott. Everything has been leading to this. If you are going to be a part of this team, I need to know that isn't going to be a problem for you.
Sarah narrows her eyes and tilts her head.
Lacklan: Pardon?
Hastings: I need to know that you aren't going to stand in the way between Zane Scott and his destiny.
Sarah stares at Hastings for a few moments in silence, and then licks her lips and offers a small smile.
Lacklan: I will do what I must to win at Outlast, Creative Director. At any cost. I am much looking forward to beating up every one of our opponents, and reminding each of them that they are, no matter how much they wish otherwise, below me. I wish to remind Mizore of WrestleStock. To remind Fatty of Chill. To remind Raab of Day of Reckoning.
She pauses and smiles wider, her intensely bright white teeth shining against her ruby red lipstick.
Lacklan: To remind Lucy of Battleground. We WILL win, Sir.
Hastings opens his mouth, but Sarah silences him with an upraised finger, the fingernail lacquered black and with a green flame painted on.
Lacklan: But should both Zane and I end up in the Final...
She licks her lips again.
Lacklan: I have been Co Op Champion. Cross-Hemisphere Champion. WrestleStock Cup Winner. But to be WORLD Champion?
She closes her eyes and smiles broadly.
Lacklan: That would be beautiful.
She opens her eyes again.
Lacklan: I have told you before, Sir, and I will again: I will NOT stop until I'm legend. And if that means going through Zane in the Final?
She gives a shrug of her slender shoulders. Donovan simply smiles.
Hastings: You have a singular wit. It really is a shame what happened last year, me retiring, you getting hit by a bus or whatever. I should think we'd have made quite the headline.
Sarah gives him another of her exaggerated eyerolls, which were copywritten in 2016, and then winks.
Lacklan: It’s ALWAYS a headline with me, Sir. #EyesOnMe. And make sure the play-by-play guys say hashtag! We didn't put it there for nothing!
Hastings: Impressive. Enough small talk, let's get serious.
Donovan points to Fauxovan Hasteboard, which is leaning against the wall.
Hastings: Three ways you can effectively utilize your partner there to ensure victory. Go.
She sticks out her delicately lithe fingers and counts them down.
Lacklan: Step One: Set him on fire. Step Two: Bodyslam my opponent on Hasteboard aflambe. Step Three: Bust out the marshmallows and send some servants to go get some chocolate and graham crackers.
Donovan sits back on his throne and softly applauds.
Hastings: Right...so tell me, Ms. Lacklan, indulge my curiosity, if you would. To be the World Champion, to hold the premier championship in this business, just how far exactly are you willing to go?
Lacklan: Mrs. Grey-Lacklan.
Her face grows serious as she corrects him, and stays that way as she answers.
Lacklan: Anything, Sir.
She looks away for a moment, her eyes moving quickly behind her glasses.
Lacklan: Last year, I was vocal about how I would do whatever it took to dethrone the false champions before me. Amy Jo Smythe. Tyson Gregory. Julian Savell. And then I found the Coalition.
She looks back at Donovan.
Lacklan: My very first promotional video for the Coalition, the very FIRST time I was introduced to the people who would be my peers, I told Jet and Eden that I wanted what was theirs. And while it IS interesting that I defeated them for my first Co Op title with my Beloved...it is not QUITE the same as what they were fighting for last year at the Melee.
She cocks her head to the side in that way of hers, as if a bird looking at a particularly tasty worm.
Lacklan: Do you know why Ichabod fought so hard for me to sign with him? To sign with Chill instead of the Synergy roster? Because he knows that I will do any...ANYTHING...to win...
She turns her head to the other side.
Lacklan: This is the difference between me and most, Sir. Oh, there are plenty of wrestlers on this roster who will do crazy things...they will go through tables...they will fight in a cell...they will even set things aflame. But whereas someone like my dear, sweet friend Angelica may run from it...do so only if she MUST...I...YEARN...for it.
She licks her lips again and smiles.
Lacklan: Anything to win, Sir. At ANY cost.
Donovan slowly nods his head for a few seconds.
Hastings: I’m sorry, I tuned out. Can you start over?
Sarah stares at him with disbelief.
Hastings: Let’s begin with the part where you help Zane Scott reach his inevitable destiny…
Gorilla position, the night of Outlast.
Donovan is overlooking a few notes he has left for production, but is interrupted by a visitor.
“Surprising to see you actually work. I thought all you did was find inappropriate positions to stick your World Champion, like opening the show.”
Hastings: Alan. Nice of you to stop by. Looking to schedule your escape plan of the evening?
“I took advantage of my contract, that’s all. Don’t be jealous just because you never thought to use a proxy.”
Donovan raises an eyebrow, and points to Fauxovan Hasteboard, propped against the wall near the entranceway in preparation for the first qualifying match of the evening.
Hastings: What do you think that is?
Vain stares at it for a moment.
“It’s you dicking with Zane.”
Hastings: Nevermind that Pain and Paradox would have wiped the floor with Sex and Violence. Let’s fast-forward to tonight’s main event, after Sarah Lacklan has obliterated Kem Dynamo again, just like she did on Chill, after Zane Scott has eliminated Lucy Wylde again, just like he did back in the Global Challenge to win the World Title, after Lucky has shocked the world and taken out both Mizore Payne and Konrad Raab, and you’re defending the World Title, and that’s still sitting out there, and you’re too busy fending off everybody else, and you manage to eliminate Jet, or Eden, or Fear, or Lockheart, or whoever is still alive, and THAT is still sitting at ringside, and you’re feeling confident because you’re about to pull this out, and THAT is still sitting there...what are you going to do, Alan, when you suddenly remember that substituting a proxy goes in both directions?
Donovan smiles, and a sudden crash takes both men by surprise. They turn to the door, where Director Ooley just smashed his bat against the wall.
Ooley: Hamstrings! We’ve still got shit to do!
Hastings: See you later, Mr. Ego.
Donovan winks and heads off with Ooley, as Vain stares at the cardboard cutout.
Zane: Hey! Wait up!
Zane catches up to Donovan as Donovan turns to look at him but continues to walk.
Zane: What are you doing?
Hastings: Going back to the lair, obviously.
Zane: No, I mean what did you just do to me in there?
Hastings: Isn’t it fantastic?!
Zane: I’m admittedly not sure yet, but no, probably not.
Hastings: It has been too long, months, it’s just been the Paradox standing alone. It’s time to bring back the pain! Outlast...2018...PAIN AND PARADOX REBORN. This shit sells itself. I’m on such a roll.
Zane: So you’re going to, hold on, just stop for a second.
Donovan obliges and turns to face to Zane, but does glance at his doodling as though something is pressing.
Zane: It is going to be YOU, right? You’re the one that’s going to be in the match?
Hastings: I don’t know what you’re worried about. We’ve got Lucky on our team.
Zane: You had me compete in a trios tournament with a piece of cardboard and a minion in a donkey suit as partners.
Hastings: Nobody cares about your worry-glowering.
Zane: I still don’t know what that means but I’m still sure I’m not doing it.
Hastings: Listen, Zane…
He puts his hand on Zane’s shoulder.
Hastings: Since we started this ride, you’ve become the face of this company. The only sanctioned triple champion in UGWC history. You think anybody else is going to accomplish that, ever? Honestly, have I steered you wrong yet? Everything is going to work out exactly the way it needs to, trust me. Some things are just inevitable.
Donovan pats Zane’s shoulder and smiles, and then turns and continues down the hallway. Zane slowly nods his head.
Zane: You’re sticking me with the cardboard again, aren’t you?
Hastings: PAIN AND PARADOX REDUX!!!!
~
Lucky and Chaos are drinking together and imaging the possibilities. They enjoy their beverages in a moment of silence, until that silence is disturbed.
Chaos: You’re fucking shitting me.
Lucky looks back over his shoulder to match the Buzzsaw’s gaze, and is surprised to see Owen Peterson walking towards them.
Chaos: What the fuck are you doing here?
Peterson: The Lord-Creative Director sent me on his behalf. I have two questions.
Lucky: I suppose we’re fortunate he sent you and not a life-size poster of himself.
Peterson: Lucky, even.
Both men just stare at him.
Peterson: Get it? Lucky? Because...nevermind.
Lucky: What’s your questions?
Peterson: The Lord-Creative Director would like to know if you are ready to support our quest to help Zane Scott achieve his destiny.
Lucky: Achieve his-
Chaos: You can tell your dipshit boss that this man right here is focused on one fuckin’ thing, and that’s bringing the title home for himself!
Lucky: C…
Chaos: And another thing, tell that DIPSHIT that if he wants to talk to Luck, he can come do it himself, not send some flunky to do it for him!
Peterson: You’d have preferred for Donovan to have walked in here while you were drinking?
Chaos: That...is a fair point.
Lucky: What was your second question?
Peterson: Do you guys have a Karaoke machine?
~
The Lair of Creative Pain…
Hastings: Ms. Lacklan. Thank you for joining me.
Sarah glances back at the two burly men standing behind her. She narrows her eyes and adjusts her glasses, then points a finger at one of them.
Lacklan: Mind your hands next time, Grabby McGrabbington. My Beloved would be LIVID if she knew you "accidentally" touched my legendarily sweet booty.
Hastings: You can leave us.
The burly men saunter out of the office. Donovan gestures to the chair in front of him.
Hastings: Please, sit. Mind the trap door. It's possible that it works now.
Sarah eyes the outline of the trap door.
Lacklan: Yes, Jeanette told me about it.
Hastings: Who?
Lacklan: Jeanette. My pigeon. Who brought you that note at Infinity?
Hastings gives her a blank look and she rolls her eyes with such drama that we probably just won an Emmy.
Lacklan: Ugh. Boys never remember ANTHING.
She carefully spreads the skirts of her unnecessarily massive and ornate Firestarter dress as she carefully steps over the trap door and sits in the offered chair.
Hastings: My condolences on your recent loss.
Sarah rolls her eyes again as her face turns even more pale than usual.
Lacklan: Ugh, don't remind me. I mean, I'm tobvs happy for Angelica, and proud of myself for being such an amazeballs teacher, but that move of hers? The Ew! She should be happy that I haven't launched a formal complaint! It's SO GROSS! Only ONE set of fingers gets to get jammed down my throat, and that's only when we're doing so odd roleplaying!
Donovan opens his mouth a few times to respond, clearly not sure if he should or how he should do it, then shakes his head and changes course.
Hastings: I'll get straight to the point. Zane saw fit to draft you, he felt so strongly about it that he delayed the announcement that Pain and Paradox is returning to action to the second round. That was an internet-breaking level of announcement, I'm sure all your little Fangites or whatever you call them were all very excited for it.
Lacklan: "Fang Gang." Or "Fang Bangers." But, yeah, duh. Everyone knows how much I heart #DonoZane and now your pairing makes my lady parts quiver, and its gonna be a blast to lead you guys to victory! Just like how I lead Angie to victory last week!
Hastings: Yes, your leadership talents are simply stunning. This is what I need you to understand, I have very specific plans for Zane Scott. Everything has been leading to this. If you are going to be a part of this team, I need to know that isn't going to be a problem for you.
Sarah narrows her eyes and tilts her head.
Lacklan: Pardon?
Hastings: I need to know that you aren't going to stand in the way between Zane Scott and his destiny.
Sarah stares at Hastings for a few moments in silence, and then licks her lips and offers a small smile.
Lacklan: I will do what I must to win at Outlast, Creative Director. At any cost. I am much looking forward to beating up every one of our opponents, and reminding each of them that they are, no matter how much they wish otherwise, below me. I wish to remind Mizore of WrestleStock. To remind Fatty of Chill. To remind Raab of Day of Reckoning.
She pauses and smiles wider, her intensely bright white teeth shining against her ruby red lipstick.
Lacklan: To remind Lucy of Battleground. We WILL win, Sir.
Hastings opens his mouth, but Sarah silences him with an upraised finger, the fingernail lacquered black and with a green flame painted on.
Lacklan: But should both Zane and I end up in the Final...
She licks her lips again.
Lacklan: I have been Co Op Champion. Cross-Hemisphere Champion. WrestleStock Cup Winner. But to be WORLD Champion?
She closes her eyes and smiles broadly.
Lacklan: That would be beautiful.
She opens her eyes again.
Lacklan: I have told you before, Sir, and I will again: I will NOT stop until I'm legend. And if that means going through Zane in the Final?
She gives a shrug of her slender shoulders. Donovan simply smiles.
Hastings: You have a singular wit. It really is a shame what happened last year, me retiring, you getting hit by a bus or whatever. I should think we'd have made quite the headline.
Sarah gives him another of her exaggerated eyerolls, which were copywritten in 2016, and then winks.
Lacklan: It’s ALWAYS a headline with me, Sir. #EyesOnMe. And make sure the play-by-play guys say hashtag! We didn't put it there for nothing!
Hastings: Impressive. Enough small talk, let's get serious.
Donovan points to Fauxovan Hasteboard, which is leaning against the wall.
Hastings: Three ways you can effectively utilize your partner there to ensure victory. Go.
She sticks out her delicately lithe fingers and counts them down.
Lacklan: Step One: Set him on fire. Step Two: Bodyslam my opponent on Hasteboard aflambe. Step Three: Bust out the marshmallows and send some servants to go get some chocolate and graham crackers.
Donovan sits back on his throne and softly applauds.
Hastings: Right...so tell me, Ms. Lacklan, indulge my curiosity, if you would. To be the World Champion, to hold the premier championship in this business, just how far exactly are you willing to go?
Lacklan: Mrs. Grey-Lacklan.
Her face grows serious as she corrects him, and stays that way as she answers.
Lacklan: Anything, Sir.
She looks away for a moment, her eyes moving quickly behind her glasses.
Lacklan: Last year, I was vocal about how I would do whatever it took to dethrone the false champions before me. Amy Jo Smythe. Tyson Gregory. Julian Savell. And then I found the Coalition.
She looks back at Donovan.
Lacklan: My very first promotional video for the Coalition, the very FIRST time I was introduced to the people who would be my peers, I told Jet and Eden that I wanted what was theirs. And while it IS interesting that I defeated them for my first Co Op title with my Beloved...it is not QUITE the same as what they were fighting for last year at the Melee.
She cocks her head to the side in that way of hers, as if a bird looking at a particularly tasty worm.
Lacklan: Do you know why Ichabod fought so hard for me to sign with him? To sign with Chill instead of the Synergy roster? Because he knows that I will do any...ANYTHING...to win...
She turns her head to the other side.
Lacklan: This is the difference between me and most, Sir. Oh, there are plenty of wrestlers on this roster who will do crazy things...they will go through tables...they will fight in a cell...they will even set things aflame. But whereas someone like my dear, sweet friend Angelica may run from it...do so only if she MUST...I...YEARN...for it.
She licks her lips again and smiles.
Lacklan: Anything to win, Sir. At ANY cost.
Donovan slowly nods his head for a few seconds.
Hastings: I’m sorry, I tuned out. Can you start over?
Sarah stares at him with disbelief.
Hastings: Let’s begin with the part where you help Zane Scott reach his inevitable destiny…
~
Gorilla position, the night of Outlast.
Donovan is overlooking a few notes he has left for production, but is interrupted by a visitor.
“Surprising to see you actually work. I thought all you did was find inappropriate positions to stick your World Champion, like opening the show.”
Hastings: Alan. Nice of you to stop by. Looking to schedule your escape plan of the evening?
“I took advantage of my contract, that’s all. Don’t be jealous just because you never thought to use a proxy.”
Donovan raises an eyebrow, and points to Fauxovan Hasteboard, propped against the wall near the entranceway in preparation for the first qualifying match of the evening.
Hastings: What do you think that is?
Vain stares at it for a moment.
“It’s you dicking with Zane.”
Hastings: Nevermind that Pain and Paradox would have wiped the floor with Sex and Violence. Let’s fast-forward to tonight’s main event, after Sarah Lacklan has obliterated Kem Dynamo again, just like she did on Chill, after Zane Scott has eliminated Lucy Wylde again, just like he did back in the Global Challenge to win the World Title, after Lucky has shocked the world and taken out both Mizore Payne and Konrad Raab, and you’re defending the World Title, and that’s still sitting out there, and you’re too busy fending off everybody else, and you manage to eliminate Jet, or Eden, or Fear, or Lockheart, or whoever is still alive, and THAT is still sitting at ringside, and you’re feeling confident because you’re about to pull this out, and THAT is still sitting there...what are you going to do, Alan, when you suddenly remember that substituting a proxy goes in both directions?
Donovan smiles, and a sudden crash takes both men by surprise. They turn to the door, where Director Ooley just smashed his bat against the wall.
Ooley: Hamstrings! We’ve still got shit to do!
Hastings: See you later, Mr. Ego.
Donovan winks and heads off with Ooley, as Vain stares at the cardboard cutout.