EI8HT RESULTS

[Lord Hastings]

Vinegar: Folks, welcome to GIW’s eight Pay-Per-View, EI8HT! I’m Nicholas Vinegar, here with the mother loving Daniel Hanson, and we thank you for joining us this fine evening! We’ve got one hell of a card lined up for you! It’s gonna see –

Hanson: Screw the hype, Nick! Everyone watching this has already ordered the Pay-Per-View. So it doesn’t matter if they like it or not!

Vinegar: You have such a strange outlook on life…

Hanson: Nah, I just wanna get to the action!

“Faint” begins playing and the fans pop loudly. Chris Austin makes his way onto the stage, doing stuff that doesn’t suit his personality!

Hanson: Uh oh, there’s gon’ be trouble!

Dennis: The following match is the SURVIVAL MATCH! In this match, the four competitors will compete until a fall has been decided. The winner of the fall will enter the Battleground match, while the loser of the fall will return backstage as just that… a fuckin’ loser. The two remaining participants will continue to compete, until a second fall has been decided. The winner of this fall will also enter the Battleground match! The loser will spend the night drowning in shame!

Hanson: Woah! That means this match is gonna decide the first two entrants to the Battleground match!

Vinegar: It would seem so! That means these four men just doubled their chances of getting into that match!

Introducing first, currently residing in Seattle, Washington, weighing 215 pounds… CHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUSTIN!!!!

The music plays and Captain Savior dives off the Globaltron and "flies" (hooked to wires) into the ring.

Hanson: Wait, what music?

Vinegar: Huh?

Hanson: The narrator! He said –

Vinegar: Huh?!

Dennis: And now, from Rjek, Hammanas and weighing 223 pounds… CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPTAIN SAAAAAAAAAAAAVIOR!!!!!

“Immortal” begins playing to the first boo of the night. Donovan Hastings wears a dark cloak to the ring. When he comes out he pauses on the stage and performs his taunt. He has an almost regal aura to him.

Dennis: And now, from Hartford, Connecticut and weighing 230 pounds, The Immortal Lord Of Pain… DONOVAAAAAAAAAAAAN HAAAAAAAAAAASTINGS!!!

“Teashouse” begins playing, to a large pop. Alex Kiseragi walks out to the top of the ramp where he throws two right roundhouse kicks, each accompanied by a small pyro, followed by a split legged backflip with a larger pyro.

Dennis: And lastly, from San Francisco and weighing 176 pounds… AAAAAAAAAAALEX ‘THE DRRRRRRRRRRRRAGON’ KIERRRRRRRRRRRAGI!!!

Hanson: Wait, why didn’t he say the state?

Vinegar: I guess P is too lazy to look up the state San Fran is in.

Hanson: But everyone knows it’s in –

Ding!

Vinegar: Saved by the bell and this match is underway! No count outs or disqualifications folks, but the fall does have to take place in the ring. This match starts off with Savior and Kiseragi locking up! The Dragon takes Savior’s feet out with a low kick. The Cap tastes the canvas, as Austin smashes the newcomer from behind with a Gutcheck!

Hanson: Things are starting off fast, as Lord Hastings just watches on! That’s a smart move! Now Savior is up and Austin Irish whips him.

Vinegar: Right into Hastings, no less! The Immortal with a drop toe hold, takes Savior down!

Hanson: Some superhero. He hasn’t done a single move!

Vinegar: The match has only been going for a mater of seconds! Now Hastings and Austin lock up! The Immortal with a hip toss, dumps CA right on top of The Cap. AND KISERAGI OUT OF NOWHERE FROM THE TOP ROPE WITH A SHOOTING STAR PRESS TO BOTH AUSTIN AND SAVIOR!!!

Hanson: Nice move! Thanks to his stupidity, Lord Hastings is the only one left standing! I like it!

Vinegar: But Peterson is making the count! ONE! TWO! THR – SAVIOR PUSHES BOTH KISERAGI AND AUSTIN OFF HIM!

Hanson: Woah, what would have happened if that was three?!

Vinegar: I guess Kiseragi and Austin both would have scored the fall and won the match. But now Hastings with a half nelson leg sweep, takes down Kiseragi. Austin pulling Savior up and looks for a neck breaker. The Cap with some elbows, breaks free. Savior bouncing off the ropes and comes back with an INCREDIBLE jumping lariat on the return! CA has been taken down here!

Hanson: But the retarded Superman wannabe can’t capitalise, because Lord Hastings locks in a half nelson from behind!

Vinegar: Savior fighting with everything he has, but can’t break free. Instead he gets his feet onto the top rope and pushes himself backwards with all his strength! Both he and Hastings go toppling to the floor and The Immortal is forced to break his hold!

Hanson: And Savior back up just in time to take a shining wizard from Kiseragi!

Vinegar: NO! Savior ducks! Kiseragi lands on his feet, but Savior blasts him in the back of the head with a dropkick! Now Savior pulling The Dragon up AND LOOKING FOR THE HERO’S WAY!!! NO!!! AUSTIN WITH ANOTHER GUTCHECK!!! AND NOW AUSTIN PULLING SAVIOR UP AND HE DELIVERS THE SECOND COMING!!!! NOW WITH THE COVER!!!ONE!!! TWO!!! THREE!!!!

Dennis: The winner of the first fall, via pinfall, CHRRRRRRRRRRRRIS AAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUSTIN!!!

Hanson: No way! It’s over already?!?!

Vinegar: It would seem so!!! Austin is heading backstage and he’s going to Battleground! Now it’s between Hastings and Kiseragi to find out who will join him!!

Hanson: Lord Hastings has already applied a headlock to Kiseragi and is wearing him down on the canvas!

Vinegar: NO! He hasn’t quite got it locked in and Kiseragi scrambles back to his feet. He bounces off the ropes and connects with a cross body on the rebound! And now a dropkick to the downed Hastings! But The Immortal now climbing back up and ducks a spinning wheel kick from Kiseragi! The Dragon quick back on his feet, but Hastings is ready with a spine buster!!

Hanson: Lord Hastings back in control and looking for that headlock again!

Vinegar: But Kiseragi again scrambles free! Both men rush back up, but it’s Hastings who is the quicker and he connects with a gut buster on The Dragon! Now he whips Kiseragi into the ropes and scores with a hip toss on the rebound! And now Hastings takes a moment to raise his arms to the heavens. But that arrogance costs him, as Kiseragi scores with a kick to the shins! Hastings eats the mat face first, as The Dragon jumps back up and does a back flip just for good measure! But Hastings is up and looks for a clothesline! Kiseragi ducks and kicks Hastings in the back of the knee! The Immortal stumbling into the ropes AND KISERAGI DROPKICKS HIM RIGHT OUT OF THE RING!!!

Hanson: And now he’s doing another back flip, this time landing in splits!!! The dude is insane! BoolZ probably shared a little too much of his Red Bull stash.

Vinegar: I think Kiseragi is just happy to be here and I think it’s great. But he’s not through with Hastings yet and goes diving over the ropes and straight into The Immortal! NO! Hastings scrambles out of the way and Kiseragi crashes and burns!!!He landed right on his face on the outside!!

Hanson: That’s what happens when you suck and get overconfident.

Vinegar: Kind of like what happened to Hastings earlier in the match?

Hanson: No idea what you’re talking about!

Vinegar: Figures… now Hastings pulling a chair out from under the ring and sliding it back inside the squared circle. That is where the match has to be won after all.

Hanson: And Kiseragi seems well and truly out of it.

Vinegar: Hastings pulls him up by the hair and rolls him back into the ring. I guess he’s looking to finish this one off and I think that’s a good idea. Kiseragi is vulnerable right now. Hastings picking up that chair and Peterson advising him against it. Hastings looks ready to kill… I’ve never seen that kind of anger in him before…

Hanson: Well, we all know Peterson is out to get him!

Vinegar: Oh please… Hastings barking at Peterson to back off and turns back to Kiseragi, who is back to his feet and kicks Hastings right in the stomach! AND NOW THE KIS KICK, SENDING HASTINGS CLASHING RIGHT INTO THAT CHAIR!!! AND NOW HE MAKES THE COVER!!!! PETERSON JUST GULPS AND STARTS THE COUNT!!! ONE!!! TWO!!! THREE!!!! THIS ONE IS OVER!!!!

Dennis: And the winner of the second fall, via pinfall, AAAAAAAAAAALEX ‘THE DRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAGON’ KIERRRRRRRRRRRRRAGI!!!!

Hanson: Peterson did it again! I bet he did it because Lord Hastings is white!!!

Vinegar: Okay, that’s probably gonna end in a lawsuit… but ladies and gentlemen, Chris Austin and Alex Kiseragi are BOTH going into the Battleground match!! They’re one match away from being able to select any match they want for Horizons!

Hanson: If Hastings had won, I bet he’d demand a match with Peterson! Your days are numbered, you hear me?!?!

Alex Kiseragi: 6

Chris Austin: 3

Donovn Hastings: 1

Captain Savior: -1

[Lord Hastings]

Dennis: The next match is scheduled for one fall, Introducing first, accompanied by Karma the Handsome, from Europe….MAAAAARLOOOOO THE BEAUTIFUUUUUUUUUUUL!!!

The opening of monkey sound of "Down with the sickness" from disturbed. The words, "I believe" from "How far we've come" by Matchbox 20. The words, "Your Beautiful" from the song "Your Beautiful" by James Blunt. Then the constant drone from Moonlight Sinatra accompanies the sight of Marlo and Karma on stage, as the crowd rains down a torrent of boo’s, both look at one another and shrug, then they walk down the aisle, arm in arm, with knowing smiles on their faces…

Vinegar: These guys don’t even respect our industry or the fans, what the hell are they doing here?

Hanson: If they wind you up, I’m all for it…

“Somewhere I belong!” pipes up and Aaron Kizz appears on stage on his own…

Dennis: And introducing next, from Sacramento, California, supposedly accompanied by Prototype…but I don’t see him anywhere…great we’re screwing up this early in a PPV, what a great advert for a well run fed this is, if only people would actually read the damn cards…AAAAAROOOOOOON KIIIIIIIZZZZZ!!!!!!

Kizz walks down the entranceway, looking slightly out of place without his bodyguard, but some things cannot be helped, he rolls into the ring, and the bell sounds as soon as he makes it to his feet.

Hanson: Marlo the silent and Kizz now circling each other as Karma and Prototype wait on the outside of the ring.

Vinegar: Silent? Marlo talks almost as much as Savana.

Hanson: Quote one sentence from Savana.

Vinegar:…..Marlo and Kizz lock up as Kizz tries a monkey drag but Marlo counters and knees Kizz to the sternum. Kizz backing away as Marlo backs up to his side of the ring where Karma stands with her eyes focused on Marlo.

Hanson: This isn’t a book, Vinegar so loose the detail in the commentating.

Vinegar: Just trying to get my point across of what Karma is doing, Hanson. Look, Marlo leaning over to talk to Karma. Kizz rushes from behind and starts to wail on the back of Marlo.

Hanson: Look at the fire in Karma’s eyes, because I don’t think she enjoyed Kizz doing that one bit.

Vinegar: It’s a wrestling match and I guess Kizz isn’t in the mood for the type of games that Marlo played last week in their triple threat match, Hanson.

Hanson: You better believe that Kizz has something to prove. He’s been trying to break through the glass ceiling for a while now and this match could be what proves he is ready to. He is beyond wrestling simply debut’s and ready to challenge for the Hardcore title.

Vinegar: I guess I could understand what you’re saying because Kizz is not letting up on Marlo as he has him in the corner just throwing punch after punch at him.

Hanson: The referee pulls Kizz away as Marlo collapses to the ground. I guess he better use this time to catch his breath because I don’t think Kizz will let him have it again.

Vinegar: Kizz moving over to lift up Marlo-BUT WOW! A huge uppercut sends Kizz all the way back to the ground! Kizz on the ground holding his jaw as Marlo stumbles to where Karma now stands.

Hanson: Why is he rolling out of the ring, Vinegar? Now would be a good time to capitalize on Kizz and weaken him.

Vinegar: Marlo is just leaning back against the barricade as Kizz gets to his feet. I don’t think Kizz is too happy with the way Marlo continues to mock him.

Hanson: I actually agree, Vinegar. Marlo just keeps running away from the fight. Kizz goes to the outside of the ring and charges at Marlo!

Vinegar: Marlo dodges as Kizz jumps onto the barricade to avoid running into it. HE JUMPS OFF FOR THE CROSS BODY!

Hanson: Marlo catches him! I didn’t even know Marlo had the ability to lift up anything heavier than that cane of his!

Vinegar: Marlo just dropped Kizz onto the ground and is now rolling into the ring. He didn’t even slam him or anything. He just drops him on the ground and rolls into the ring.

Hanson: I think Kizz is angry now because he just dived into the ring and charges at Marlo full speed!

Vinegar: Marlo trips Kizz! Kizz just slammed his face right into the mat. Marlo once again walks away and leans into the corner where Karma has situated herself. Kizz gets to his feet but doesn’t charge this time. I guess he might be planning ahead for something.

Hanson: No one is doing anything! Marlo is just leaning against the corner while Kizz rest at the opposite corner.

Vinegar: Now movement is going on as Kizz slowly starts to walk towards Marlo. Marlo isn’t moving though and I think he may be zoning out. Kizz is just steps away from Marlo and I don’t think the latter even cares.

Hanson: Kizz with a kick but Marlo grabs his foot! Marlo pulls his foot from under him and jumps over him to walk to the other corner. Kizz is up to quick!

Vinegar: Kizz grabs Marlo’s hair and just pulls him backwards to cause his back to land right on the knee of Kizz! Marlo rolls around silently-

Hanson: I told you he was silent. He doesn’t even show pain.

Vinegar: Kizz picks up Marlo and Irish Whips him to the ropes followed by an almost perfect dropkick.

Hanson: The perfect dropkick is saved for the wrestler who ever decides to use it as his finisher. Reason being, it better be perfect if you are going to rely on it to win a match.

Vinegar: Kizz lifting Marlo up and takes him back down with a clothesline. I think Marlo just might have actually been in a match where he must fight back.

Hanson: Only been in two matches so far, Vinegar.

Vinegar: Kizz lifting up Marlo for a second time but no! Marlo grabs his feet and pulls them from under Kizz. Kizz on his back but quickly getting up and going for a clothesline but Marlo moves!

Hanson: Marlo can’t keep dodging moves and pick up the victory.

Vinegar: Kizz rebounds off the ropes and goes for a flying lariat!

Hanson: Marlo felt all of that!

Vinegar: I think Marlo better learn to throw a match or else this is as good as over. Kizz lifting up Marlo but Marlo counters with an elbow to the stomach of Kizz and grabs him by the head. He slams his head face first into the ground.

Hanson: I didn’t even know Marlo had the ability to cause any sort of pain, Vinegar. I guess he might be able to believably squash McSkinny. Although, that isn’t saying much.

Vinegar: Indeed, Hanson. Marlo backs up as Kizz gets to his feet. Marlo walks towards him but Kizz lifts him on his shoulder and slams him down with a samoan drop.

Hanson: Did Marlo just let Kizz do that to him? I saw no signs of any struggle.

Vinegar: Kizz resting against the ropes as he waits for Marlo to get to his feet. I guess he is taking a page out of Marlo’s book, Hanson.

Hanson: Marlo to his feet as Kizz charges but I think Kizz just slipped a bit.

Vinegar: OH MY GOD!!!!!

Hanson: MARLO USED KIZZ SLIPPING TO HIT THE WICKED SIDE OF BEAUTY!!!!

Vinegar: Kizz’s face runs right into the knee of Marlo and he covers!

Referee: 1!

Referee: 2!

Referee: 3!

Hanson: Wait a second! I see Karma moving away from where Kizz was standing. I think Karma is the one who tripped Kizz before he went to attack Marlo.

Vinegar: What is with these two, Hanson? I have no idea who they are as people and there matches do not help the case at all.

Hanson: Marlo rolling out and walking up the ramp with Karma at his side as Kizz looks disappointed.

Marlo the Beautiful: 9

Aaron 'The Future' Kizz: 4

Directly after the match, the lights go out.


Vinegar: Wait, what's going on here?

Hanson: The power went out, stupid.

Vinegar: Explain why there is a video playing on the Globaltron.

Hanson: Aliens.

Vinegar: Riiiiiiiight.....

The video shows a scene that is a downpour. The song "Critical Acclaim" hits and during the song we see a man's boots stepping to the beat of the song, as the puddles splash.


Shh, quiet, you might piss somebody off
Like me motherfucker, you've been at it for too long
While you feed off others insecurities
You stand in front of me and bite the hand that feeds




(Self-righteousness is wearing thin)
Lies inside your head your best friend
(Heart bleeds but not for fellow man)
Broken glass, your fake reflection



I've had enough it's time for something real
Don't respect the words you're speaking
Gone too far, a clone



After that part of the song, the following image appears on-screen...






Hanson: Well what the hell was that supposed to mean?

Vinegar: I'm...not sure. It's very cryptic say the least...

[Lord Hastings]

Dennis: Ladies and Gentlemen, due to the misreading of the card from some of our backstage staff the next match is NOT The Parking Street Brawl…instead that will follow on from this match. Apparently Aesc the Dark, and Gabrielle wanted to be at ringside for this one, and as Gabrielle is involved in a match herself later on, she wanted this to come before hand…

Hanson: Women can be fussy, always screwing with our timetables.

Dennis: As you can see both competitors are already inside the ring, and referee’s Burke and East are on the outside…we are only waiting for Owen Peterson, who was unfortunately not told about this change in running order and has just been told to come back from the parking lot…sometimes I seriously wonder about the mental capacity of those who work backstage…

Hanson: Tell me about it…

Dennis: And here he is, sprinting down the aisle…the referee for tonight’s Cage Match….OWEEEEN PEEEEETEEEEEERSOOOOOON!!!

Vinegar: Remember folks this a Battleground qualifier, whomever wins goes into the Battlegorund next month, and if they win that, they get the match of their choice at Horizons!

Dennis: Already in the ring….DIIIIIIAAAAAAAMOND JAAAAAACK SEEEEEEVEEEERIIIIINOOOOO!!!! And ‘HAAAAAAARDCOOOOOOORE’ DYYYYYLAAAAAAN JAAAAAAAAAMES!!!

Hanson: Jack and James slowly staring at each other in the ring as the referee closes the door.

Vinegar: Indeed, Hanson.

Hanson: One more thing, peeps. No escaping through the door for these two. Higher ups have ruled that it is the bitch way out. Over the top or pinning the opponent is the way to victory and I like it that way.

Vinegar: The bell rings as these two men slowly start to study the other. Gabrielle and Aesc the Dark line the outside of the ring watching on as their two managed wrestlers get ready to duke it out.

Hanson: Don’t forget that Gabrielle has a womens title match tonight which involves Chinatsu! God I love Chinatsu.

Vinegar: Shouldn’t you be building up Gabrielle since she is the one out here at the moment?

Hanson: Pointless since I predict a Chinatsu victory tonight.

Vinegar: James and Jack hook up as James turns Jack around and pushes him away. Jack turns and does not look to happy about being pushed in that manner. Almost a mocking manner saying that James does not respect Jack.

Hanson: James has been acting real different as of late, Vinegar, and that just proves it. Jack walks up to James and just nails him in the face with a punch! Wow, straight to the point but it was effective.

Vinegar: James falls back onto the ropes and Jack rushes him with multiple amounts of kicks! James falling to the ground but not for long as Jack lifts him up and takes him down with a short distance clothesline.

Hanson: Jack looks over to Aesc and seems almost scared to know that Gabrielle is outside with him while he is inside.

Vinegar: Aesc the dark is a pretty crazy being and I hardly feel safe out here.

Hanson: Enzuguri out of nowhere from James!

Vinegar: Jack was busy staring over towards Aesc to notice James get to his feet. James waste no time and lifts Jack up and follows up with a knee to the stomach.

Hanson: James attempts a DDT but Jack counters into a Northern Lights Suplex!

Referee: 1!

Referee: 2!

Referee: Kick out!

Hanson: James kicks out and is quick to get to his feet and go for Jack who counters with a kick to the stomach. Jack grabs James by the hair and just tosses him against the cage.

Vinegar: James stumbles back and Jack springboards off the ropes with an elbow to the head of James. Wow, Jack isn’t the smallest guy in the room so that must have packed a punch.

Hanson: James rolls back onto his feet from the power of the elbow and James follows up with a big boot to the face of James. Gabrielle seems happy that Jack has control of the match.

Vinegar: OW! Shouldn’t have said that, Hanson! James low blows Jack right as he was picking him up and follows up with a Face Smash sending Jack back all the way across the ring. James follows up with a drop kick sending Jack into the cage.

Hanson: Jack in-between the ropes and the cage and trying to lift himself but James follows up with another drop kick, which sends him into the cage again.

Vinegar: James grabbing Jack by the head and a guillotine onto the ropes just springboards the back of Jacks head into the cage! Jack falls onto his side and rolls under the bottom rope back from in between the cage and ropes.

Hanson: Look as James goes for the slingshot! I think Jack is about to eat metal again.

Vinegar: WRONG! Jack caught himself with his bare hands before he hit the cage and as James gets up, Jack hits a STO! James rolling around but Jack doesn’t care because he just follows up with a scoop slam!

Hanson: Stop overselling the moves Vinegar. These two have history together and are known for the amount of damage they can do. Jack lifting James to his feet.

Vinegar: He sets up for the belly-to-belly but James counters into a sit-down jawbreaker! Jack stumbles back as James jumps to his feet and GOES FOR A DDT!

Hanson: OH MY GOD! JACK COUNTERS WHILE HE IS IN MID ARE AND JUST TOSSES JAMES INTO THE EDGE OF THE TOP THAT CIRCLES THE CAGE! JAMES HEAD DEFINENTLY HIT SOME TITANIUM LIKE STEEL!

Vinegar: Not only that, Hanson, but James now falls around 8 feet down to the ground!

Hanson: Now that was a spot.
Vinegar: You’re not supposed to refer to IWC terms while we are on live TV. It really throws them off. Jack lifting James up and just lifts him over his shoulder as if he weighs nothing.

Hanson: He charges with James on his shoulder to throw him into the cage but JAMES JUMPS OFF AT THE LAST SECOND AND DROP KICKS HIM HEAD FIRST INTO THE CAGE!

Vinegar: James rolls him up!

Referee: 1!

Referee: 2!

Referee: KICK OUT!

Hanson: That was close, Vinegar. I almost had the feeling that James had that won.

Vinegar: Always some close counts in these wrestling matches, Hanson. Look as Gabrielle starts to yell at James. James doesn’t seem affected though.

Hanson: Obviously not because he just drops a heavy leg drop onto the head of Jack who then rolls around in pain.

Vinegar: James lifting up Jack as Gabrielle continues to yell and trips him causing his head to run into his knee! Shades of Marlo right there as Jack stumbles up!

Hanson: James with a kick to the gut! And HE IS GOING FOR X MARKS THE SPOT!

Vinegar: OH MY GOD! Gabrielle just screaming as loud as possible.

James: SHUT UP!

Hanson: JACK USES THE OPPURTUNITY TO TWIST INTO POSITION FOR THE CALCULATED SHOT AND HITS IT! He covers!

Referee: 1!

Referee: 2!

Referee: 3!

Vinegar: JACK WINS IT!!!

Dennis: HERE IS YOUR WINNER….DIIIIIIIAMOOOOOND JAAAAACK SEEEEEVEEEERIIIIIINOOOOOO!!!!

Vinegar: And The Diamond In The Rough books his place at Battleground and a chance at the match of his choice at Horizons!!!

’Diamond’ Jack Severino: 10

‘Hardcore’ Dylan James: 4

[Lord Hastings]

Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen, we are just about to come up to The PAAARKING LOOOOOT BRAAAAAWL!!!

Hanson: yeah we just gotta wait for Owen Peterson to get to the parking lot, after the rescheduling of the card…

Dennis: We are going to go straight to the parking lot now, and apparently Ezekial Pax is the only one there at present….if I could divert the crowd’s attention to the GlobaTron for this match…which will be underway any minute, I assure you…

Hanson: I blame all these cock ups on being in Canada, if we were in the good ole’ U S of A none of this would have happened, the show would have proceeded in the scheduled order…

Vinegar: Your kidding right? Most of the guys responsible are Americans…

Hanson: Prove it…

Whilst Hanson and Vinegar argue amongst themselves, we see Ezekial ‘Peace’ Pax standing in a parking lot, all on his own, he seems a little confused by the situation, but decides to take the moment to take out a doobie, spark it up and have a smoke. He leans across the bonnet of a car…then a low rumbling can be heard…and Pax steps forward and looks around…

Vinegar: JESUS CHRIST! Out of nowhere Gaffney comes into shot, on a damn Motorbike, with no lights on, and he drives straight into Pax, sending him somersaulting up in the air, and crashing down onto the concrete below, but Gaffney is unable to stop intime and the Motorcycle goes crashing into the front of the car Pax was previously relaxing on, and Gaffney goes flying off and over the car, landing head first onto the Parking Lot floor…

Hanson: OK I’ve seen some pretty crazy shit here in GIW, I’ve seen people harpooned, I’ve seen people nailed to stretchers…but I’ve never seen someone get into a road traffic accident purposefully just to hurt their opponent…and I’m not sure if he’s even got much of an advantage, both men must be pretty messed up after that…

Vinegar: And Owen Peterson finally comes onto the scene…

Hanson: What the hell is he going to do? IS this match going to be settled by a pinfall? Or do we just wait and see who dies first?

Vinegar: I have no idea, but Gaffney is back on his feet, and he is bleeding, has he walks towards Pax who is getting to his knee’s he pauses and looks into the car he just flew over the top off…and forces his elbow through the window…

Hanson: OK…this guys seriously worries me Nicholas…

Vinegar: He opens the door, and he’s rips the card stereo out of the front…walks over to Pax, and drives the entire box into Ezekial’s face…busting him him open…’Peace’ is covered in blood from scratches across his torsoe…but he manages to land an uppercut on Gaffney, sending him stumbling backwards…

Hanson: Pax then leaps forward…and lands on Gaffney’s shoulders…SPINNING HURRICANRANA!!! And he drives Gaffney’s face into the bonnet of the car…wait a minute…THAT’S MY CAR!!!

Vinegar: It’s taken you this long to realise?

Hanson: I was a little put out by the mindless violence, you may be desensitized to people driving motorcycles itno other people, but it kinda shocked me…

Vinegar: Well I hope you have insurance, because neither Global Impact Wrestling or the Air Canada Center take responsibility for any loss or damage that takes place in the Parking Lot…

Hanson: WHAT!?!?!? GIW Scheduled the match out there, surely the company is responsible…

Vinegar: And we advertised the fact it would be happening in the Parking Lot, so you didn’t have to bring your car…Anyway that doesn’t matter now, because Pax has climbed into the front of your car…and he’s started it…he can obviously hot wire vehicles…that’s the sign of a misspent youth…

Hanson: Not necessarily…

Vinegar: You left your keys in there didn’t you…

Hanson: Kinda…

Vinegar: Well it matters not as Gaffney has grabbed Pax from the car and he throws him through the rear passenger window, then he pulls him out…and hits him with a kick to the gut….SUPERNOVA!!! he hits his turning brainbuster on that concrete floor…and he drags Ezekiel back in front of Daniel Hanson’s car, which is still running by the way, and with gas prices how they are now, that must be costing you a fortune…

Hanson: Just shut up…this is not funny…

Vinegar: It kind of is…not the violence on display, just your suffering. Gaffney, is now crouching waiting for Pax to get to his feet…he’s lining up a Spear…the camera is rapidly moving towards Gaffney’s face, an extremem close up…WHAT THE HELL!! The camera just stopped working…we now switch to another camera…and we see the other Camera Man, standing over Gaffney, who has an entire heavyweight Camera smashed over his head…and is on the floor…The Camera Man turns round to the camera, rips off his shirt, to reveal a T-Shirt with a picture of Davey Vine, the GIW Cameraman Gaffney put in intensive care a few days ago…Don’t screw with GIW’s staff, they stick together, and Gaffney did not see that coming….

Hanson: And now Pax is on his feet, and he grabs Gaffney by the hair….OW!!!

Vineagr: Ezekiel slams Gaffneys face onto Daniel Hanson’s engine which has been running for a good few minutes now, and is red hot…given the fact Hanson is too cheap to get the fan sorted…

Hanson: I’m not cheap, just practical with money…

Vinegar: Gaffney is screaming in pain, as Pax extends his leg, and uses it to press Gaffney’s face further onto the red hot engine…and ‘Supernova” is tapping on the side of the car…This match is over….Owen Peterson drags Pax off Gaffney, and Peace just falls to his Knee’s and raises his arms to the sky…whilst Gaffney is surrounded by emergency paramedics, who quickly cover the right hand side of his face, which may well have received 3rd degree burns from that engine…

Hanson: Well I’m glad they’ve stopped abusing my ride that’s all…out of the thousands of cars in the parking lot, why did they have to pick mine to destroy…

Vinegar: I’m not too sure, but it sure was inten…[mic cuts out]

Ezekiel ‘Peace’ Pax: 7

Garth ‘Supernova’ Gaffney: 6

The arena goes black as the microphones of Vinegar and Hanson suddenly cut out. Bizarre for a moment as it seems that all power has gone out in the arena, but the large screen above the entranceway appears to have gone static, giving the only light in the arena… a strange white glow overtaking the masses inside. Hundreds of people begin pulling out their cell phones and the blue and white lights from the audience create an interesting visual to what appears to be the only electrical thing left working, the cameras.

One camera looks up the entranceway from the ring toward the monotonous static of the screen for what seems like an eternity. After only a few seconds, a deep, booming, almost overbearing voice speaks to the masses.

Voice: You all have sat idly by… waiting to see what the next stage in the evolution of wrestling is. What happens… when all you know and all you think is safe gets turned on its head by one… homicidal… man.

The static ends and almost instantly we hear the beginning of what sounds like rave music begin. It’s mechanical sounding and grating on the ears, but a catchy and crafty beat nonetheless. Neon green lasers begin flashing on the stage as if we’re all in some warehouse in the early 90s dancing to rave music. Strobe lights join in with the laser lights creating quite an interesting looking stage.

Voice: Your Head Trip… begins…. NOW.

A drum and keyboard join the interesting beat as smoke begins filling the stage from below. A thick cloud overtakes the ring as well, almost as if The Undertaker would be walking through the curtain at any moment… only we all know he’s long since become a washed-up has been of his former being. Within moments of the arena slowly filling with smoke, the haunting voice of Richard Patrick, lead singer of Filter, sings over the grating beat and drums.

I've got the understanding of a 4-year-old
I've got the piece of mind of a killer soul
I've got the rationale of a new York cop
I've got the patience of a chopping block yeah, trip like I do

The black screen suddenly shows eight or ten school-children playing in a mine field. Barbed wire and wooden stakes show the locations of each mine, but still the children play tag as if they don’t worry about exploding in this veritable death trap. As the camera slowly starts to fade out from this twisted shot… we see an archway over the entrance to this minefield and three letters painted across. G…. I…. W. Within seconds of seeing that, the screen goes black again and the lights return.

I've got the acumen of a seasoned pro
I've got the lack of say of a billion souls
I've got the world on my back but I don't seem to care
I've got the comprehension of a world unaware yeah

A shadowy figure appears in front of a bright white light on the screen, dressed in a long black trench coat. His head is hidden under a shroud but he carries a black cane which he raises over his head as we then go into the next shot.

The screen melts away and we see a wrestling ring surrounded by a steel cage. The ropes have been taken down and replaced with barbed wire and the walls of the cage hold everything from thumb tacked chairs to panes of glass. A split second shot of a man bleeding from the forehead is seen, as his long hair hides his face. Just as his hand goes for his face to pull back the hair, the screen again cuts black.

The lights and lasers return to the stage as the words flash across the screen

trip like i do
trip like I do (oh my god this is the best)
trip like I do (mm..i want you to trip like i do)

The words flash across the screen… “I want you to trip like I do…”

can't you can't you trip like i do
can't you can't you trip like I do

Without warning, the song picks up and the laser lights and strobes continue faster as a figure lowers from the rafters on a platform. As the platform lowers the man keeps his head hidden by the shroud yet his cane is keeping the beat.

laid down my back i can't sleep cause I'm falling
eyes in my teeth i can't see cause I’m eating
head full of noise I can't think cause it's crushing
back on my feet like a freight train I'm coming

The platform reaches a few feet above the ground and white pyro explodes from either side, releasing a staircase from the front. The man takes his slow time walking down the steps and once he reaches the stage, the lights again go out.

can everybody feel like I do
can everybody feel like I do (oh my god)

can't you can't you trip like I do
can't you can't you trip like I do (oh my god)

Every time this line is sung, the lights flash on the beat of the song, revealing the man standing with his arms above his head, as if he’s waiting for someone to recognize him.

can't you trip can't you think can't you feel like I do.
can't you walk can't you breathe can't you trip like I do...like me…

The song winds down with the laser lights and strobe lights ending just as suddenly as they began. For moments, the arena lights remain off and the screen returns to its static. The crowd is cheering it’s head off for the debuting wrestler, but if they only knew what’s to come. Without warning --

Hanson: Are we on yet?

Vinegar: Yeah, I hear ya!

Hanson: What in the hell just happened?

Vinegar: I don’t know… I still can’t see anything!

Hanson: Someone turn on the damn lights!

Vinegar: I think the guy on the --

A huge explosion comes from the ring as white pyro again flies up from the corners bringing the arena to life again. The crowd begins losing their mind in cheers as the figure on stage is now standing, head lowered in the shroud, body hidden in the trench coat. His one hand remains on his cane, the other holds a GIW microphone.

Vinegar: Is he gonna speak?

Hanson: Would he have a microphone if he wasn’t?

Vinegar: Well he’s got some explaining to do for why he interrupted this show… and why he cut out our headsets!

The man raises the microphone to his lips…

Man: Minions… all you’ve known in Global Impact Wrestling is about to change drastically… for I am the wave of change and the end of boredom. The Dreamsmasher… The Human Intensive Care Unit, The Reality Check, The Suicidal Psychopath, The… DARE… DEVIL…

As he says those words, his head begins to lift and with it, the shroud falls back to reveal a bald man, long goatee, and his eyes nothing but black pupils. The crowd erupts at the sight of this man.

Man: And now… I become GIW’s Head Trip… welcome me, minions… for Mickey Dragon has finally… Dragonized… Global Impact Wrestling.

He drops the microphone and the crowd comes completely unglued. The shaking of the arena shakes the camera and as the camera begins to shake, Dragon raises his hands over his head again, holding the cane in both hands. Within an instant, he slams it down on the stage and the lights go black again.

Hanson: Everyone seems to think they are a maniac nowadays don't they?

Vinegar: Tell me about it...

Ezekiel ‘Peace’ Pax: 7

Garth ‘Supernova’ Gaffney: 6

[Lord Hastings]

Dennis: Ladies and Gentlemen, the next match is a Triple Threat Match, and is for the GIW WOOOMENS CHAAAAAMPIOOOOONSHIIIIIP!!!!

The lights in the arena dim down, eerie music plays across the arena, Angel like images float around the arena. When the lights come back on Misery is in the middle of the ring on her knee’s and Hazel East slowly unlocks her chains…

Dennis: Introducing first….MIIIIIIISEEEEERY!!!!!!

Vinegar: Misery hasn’t been herself since losing the title to Brandon McSkinny at In Your Hands…

Hanson: She’s just biding her time Nicholas, she’ll snatch it back when she’s good and ready, but she’s got a fight on her hands tonight, I have much respect for every person in this encounter tonight.

“Envy” starts to play, and the fans begin to boo as Gabrielle appears on the stage, carrying a Gucci Handbag on her right shoulder, she stands tall and raises her hands to the sky’s, then struts down to the ringside looking down her nose at the fans who hurl abuse in her direction.

Dennis: Introducing next…GABRIEEEEEEELLEEEEE MAAAAADSIIIIIISOOOOOON MOOOOONTGOMEEEEEERY!!!!!

Vinegar: The Diamond Princess looks focused tonight, she is determined to finally capture what she sees…

Hanson: She’s a smart girl, but she knows deep down that she has to prove she’s the champion, and to do that ya gotta beat Hanson’s favourite gal!

Vinegar: For once I agree with you Daniel, despite Gabby’s recent remarks and complaints, it is Chinatsu Chen who will walk out to begin this match as Champion tonight…

“Warrior’s Code” hits and the crowd rise to their feet and start to cheer loudly as ‘The Oriental Firecracker’ steps out on stage, with a HUGE grin spreading from ear to ear. She jumps up and down and waves to the fans inside The Air Canada Center, and she bounds down to the ring, smiling and laughing with the fans who greet her on her way to the ring.

Dennis: Introducing The GIW WOOOOOMEEEEENS CHAAAAAAAAMPIOOOOON….CHIIIIIINAAAAATSUUUUUUU CHEEEEEEEEEEEEN!!!!!

Hanson: Whilst Gabby is a beautiful woman, she lacks the elegance and charm of our current Womens Champion. Whilst Gabrielle has been showing nothing but contempt for GIW’s Number 1 Female Athlete, our Champion has behaved as a gracious and respectful opponent…

Vinegar: Am I dreaming? You…YOU…are praising someone for being respectful…I think I may eb dreaming…OW! What the hell are you doing…don’t slap me round the face…

Hanson: Just proving your wide awake!

All three women are now in the ring, and Hazel East has handed the Women’s Championship to Obese Tony. The bell rings…

Vinegar: And this match is underway, Misery takes no time in levelling the Champion with a vicious Clothesline, but is then levelled by a spinning kick from The Diamond Princess. Gabrielle, now turns to Chen and as Chinatsu climbs to her feet, she receives a vicious slap around the face, followed by a kick to the midsection, and finally a gut wrench suplex sends the Champion to the ground…

Hanson: She’s just adjusting, her first PPV match, her first proper Triple Threat Match…the one with Skinny does not count….but she’ll adjust, we’ve seen this little dynamo is a quick learner…

Vinegar: Well she’s gonna have to come up with something soon, cause Gabrielle is ijn danger of dominating this match, as she hip tosses Misery across the ring, The Devil Doll really seems to be out of sorts here, she hasn’t managed to stop Gabrielle…

Hanson: but Chen is back on her feet and quickly behind Gabby…German Suplex from The Champion, she then quickly drops a leg over Gabrielle’s throat…

Vinegar: But Misery has got back up, and grabs Chen by her hair, and tosses her across the ring into the turnbuckle…what a show of strength from the former Women’s Champion…who then turns to Gabrielle, picks her up…CHOKESLAM!!! The Diamond Princess is sent to the floor…

Hanson: But as Misery gets to her feet, Chen charges her from behind and hits a swinging neckbreaker! It takes the Dark Angel down, and she quickly goes for the cover….

1…

2…

Vinegar: NO! Another phenomenal display of strength from Misery, and in kicking out she throws Chen half way across the ring, Gabrielle gets to her feet though, and hits Misery with a brutal GaBuster, and Misery rolls on the floor clutching at her stomach, as Gabrielle walks over to Chen, who is on her knee’s…Hair Pull Curb Stomp to the Champion…Gabrielle takes to the top rope…MOONSAUL…

Hanson: NO!!! No! That little oriental wonder child just got her legs up, and Gabrielle has just crushed her own midsection and she is rolling around on the floor, as Chen recovers, and gets to her feet, just in time to dodge a clothesline from Misery, who turns into…a quick to the midsection…HEAVY GUNS!!! And the cover…She’s got this won…

1…

2…

Vinegar: The count is broken by Gabby who is back on her feet, and now she takes Chen, and scoops her up and hits a powerslam…and drops Chen on top of Misery…Gabrielle goes back to the top rope…MOONSAULT!!! And this time ‘The Diamond Princess’ connects! She comes crashing down on top of Chen, who is in turn lying on top of Misery! She drags Chen to her feet….heaves her up for the suplex…34 DOUBLE D DDT!!! And the cover…

Hanson: NOOOOO!!!!

1…

2….

Hanson: YES! YOU PLUCKY LITTLE SEXPOT!!! SHE KICKED OUT!

Vinegar: Yes she did, and Gabrielle cannot believe it, she is arguing with Hazel East, she is convinced the count was slow…

Hanson: CHEN GETS THE ROLLUP!!!

1…

2…

Vinegar: NO! Not this time, Gabrielle is furious Chen tried that move on her, and sends her right foot directly into Chen’s face, but doesn’t see Misery come at her from behind…FULL NELSON SLAM!!! Gabby gets knocked senseless by the power displayed by the Devil Doll…who now turns her attentions to Chen…she just picks the Oriental Firecracker…

Hanson: She hates that nickname…

Vinegar: I’m not trying to date her…anyway Msiery has picked up Chen like an empty trash can and is holding her above her head in a Gorilla Press…and she is raising The Champion up and down highlighting her immense strength…and then she just walks out from underneath her, dropping Chinatsu to the Canvas below…

Hanson: Gabrielle is up again and she launches herself at Misery with a flying cross body, but Misery counters and catches The Diamond Princess in mid air, spins her around…TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER!!! Misery goes for the cover…

1…

2…

Hanson: But Chen breaks the count….

Vinegar: And it’s a good thing too, Gabrielle looks out of it here, Misery gets up, and just cocks her head towards Chen, who goes for a martial arts kick, but Misery dodges and grabs hold of Chen by the throat, and pushes her backwards…then charges and hits the Champion with an almighty gore…and now she picks Chen up, and whips her towards the ropes…

Hanson: But Chen anticipate…and hits CHILL OUT HOMBRE!! She rolls through and grabs hold of Misery’s ankle, and synch’s in the Ankle lock! Right in the center of the ring, and Misery is screaming out in pain, and Chen is holding firm…

Vinegar: And it seems the Piledriver Gabby took as affected her faculties, she has crawled over to her handbag, and seems to be reapplying her make up…

Hanson: Misery cannot get out of this, she is writhing in pain….Hazel East is on the canvas, looking directly into Misery’s eyes…she’s gonna tap it’s only a matter of time…WHAT THE HELL! Chen has broken the hold, and is rolling around clutching her face…

Vinegar: Because Gabrielle has just sprayed perfume in the young girls eyes, THAT is why she was rummaging in her purse…East didn’t see it cause she was focused on misery…and now Gabrielle goes over to Misery…AN ENVIABLE SUBMISSION! She locks in that Grapevine Bridging Reverse STF…and Misery can’t take the pain, and as Chen clutches at her swollen eyes…Misery taps out!

Hanson: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Dennis: here is your winner, via a submission, and NEEEEEEW GIW WOMEN’S CHAMPION….GAAAAAAAABRIEEEEEEEELLEEEEE MAAAAADISOOOOOOOOOON MOOOONTGOOOOOOMEEEERY!!!!!

Hanson: And after Chen did all the hard work, Misery was about to tap before Gabrielle swooped in and stole that title…

Vinegar: Gabrielle sees that title as her right Daniel, and she has made it clear she’d do pretty much anything to get her hands on it. Maybe Chen should have been expecting that…if not, it’s just a rough introduction to the brutal reality of competing here in GIW…anything can happen, and it usually does!!!

Gabrielle: 7

Chinatsu Chen: 6

Misery: 0

[Lord Hastings]

Dennis: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the Number 1 Contender position for the GiW Global Heavyweight Championship!

Bummer by Monster Magnet starts to play and everyone watches on as no-one appears for almost half a minute, before Travis Roberts finally walks out to the top of the Globaltron.

Dennis: Introducing first, weighing in at 220lbs! From Phoenix, Arizona! The Blessed One! Travis Roooooberrrrrrts!!!

Travis Roberts spreads his arms out and is met by a wall of boos from the crowd which he seems to relish. With a shrug he starts to make his way towards the ring, stopping halfway down as his eye catches a young woman in the first row.

Vinegar: Oh for God’s sake will he focus. A little professionalism please.

Hanson: Travis Roberts doesn’t need to focus. Weren’t you watching last week? He beat Deathman, Komosube and Brandon Brown single handed. This is going to be a breeze.

Vinegar: What match were you watching? The Headliner rolled out of the ring and walked off to let good honest GiW staff members take his due beating, and they lost.

Hanson: Aren’t the greatest victories when you can win without fighting though?

Vinegar: I don’t think that applies to pro-wrestling. Finally he seems to have remembered what he’s doing here and finally makes his way into the ring.

Travis’s music cuts out and the lights drop. The air fills with eerie sounds and unnatural musical notes as angels are shone all over the audience.

Dennis: And the opponent! From the Dark! Weighing in at 370lbs. Lord Deeeeeathmaaaaan!!!

Suddenly the angels transform into demons before the lights come up. Deathman is knelt in the middle of the ring. He stands up as the music fades out. Hazel East approaches warily and slowly undoes the chains around his wrists.

Vinegar: Here we go! Deathman’s not going to wait for a bell and charges at Travis who drops out of the ring. Looks like he’s scared and Deathman chases after him.

Hanson: Watch your mouth. Travis Robert’s is scared of nothing.

Vinegar: Robert’s slides back in the ring. Deathman follows him but Travis is already on his feet and stomping before Deathman can get up.

Hanson: See, that wasn’t fear, that was brilliance. The Headliner taking it to that chump Deathman early on.
Vinegar: Lord Deathman fighting to his feet though. He catching Roberts’s foot and pushes him back. He stays standing though and comes back with those right hands in the corner.

Hanson: He’s dominating already Vinegar. What does that tell you?

Vinegar: That it’s too early to tell. Deathman shoves Roberts off his feet and into the middle of the ring. He comes charging out and…

Hanson: Drop toe hold by the Headliner. He’s got the leg now…Indian death lock.

Vinegar: I don’t think he’s going to make this guy tap out Daniel. He’s released the hold and is back to his feet. He’s dragging him over to the ropes and put his throat over the bottom rope, now he’s standing on the back of his neck. Hazel East steps in.

1! 2! 3! 4!

Vinegar: The Headliner releases the choke and saunters back to the middle of the ring, holding his arms out to the crowd.

Hanson: Look at him. How can anyone that confident lose a match?

Deathman gets up and charges, hitting Travis with a clothesline as he turns to face him.

Vinegar: Like that, overconfidence can be your worst enemy. That move completely turned this match around the General of Destruction is in the driving seat now. Deathman follows up with a few stomps and lifts Travis to his feet.

Hanson: Disqualify him ref, that was a cheap shot.

Vinegar: I don’t think that’s ever stopped Travis. Big releasing belly to belly suplex from Deathman. Did you see how far he threw him?

Hanson: Pfft, Travis Roberts once threw Komosube fifty feet one handed for a bet.

Vinegar: Sure he did. Deathman’s got him up again. Looks like…yes, he’s going for the Last Rights. Travis Roberts us upside down.

Hanson: But he reverses it into a victory roll!

1!

2!

Vinegar: Kick out with authority from Deathman. Roberts is going to have to do a lot more work than that. They lock up again but Deathman overpowers him and forces him against the ropes. Irish whip and Deathman goes for the big boot.

Hanson: The Headliner slides under it though and takes Deathman’s foot out. That was smooth.

Vinegar: Roberts stomping at Deathman’s knee now. He’s got the foot now and lifts that whole leg off the mat, slamming the knee back down.

Hanson: And again! And again! Deathman’s never going to walk again, I guarantee it.

Vinegar: I’m going to hold you to that. Deathman pushes himself up as Travis gets distracted by someone in the front row again.

Hanson: Do you blame him. It’s all I’ve been able to do to stay sat here with you and not talk to her myself.

Vinegar: Deathman’s on his feet again. So much for your guarantee.

Hanson: Wait till the end of the match.

Vinegar: Deathman charges across the ring but the Blessed One must have heard him coming, mule kick to the crotch of the General. What were you saying about cheap shots?

Hanson: That doesn’t count, that oaf was going to hit him from behind.

Vinegar: Well at least is got Travis to refocus. He turns back as Deathman is one knee, trying to get his breath back.

Hanson: Travis with the DDT, goes straight for the cover.

1!

2!

Vinegar: Deathman kicks out again. Travis tries to bring him to his feet but the Darkness fighting back, lefts and rights into the gut as he straightens up, pushing Roberts back into the corner.

Hanson: He’s following it up with those throat thrusts and elbows against the turnbuckle. I bet he’s not even feeling them.

Vinegar: I’d beg to differ, those shots look like they’re taking their toll on the Headliner. He slumps down in the corner but Deathman keeps coming with those rights. The referee tries to separate them but Deathman shoves her down.

Hanson: He can’t do that! Disqualify him.

Vinegar: You seem a little too enthusiastic about getting Deathman disqualified. You afraid Roberts can’t win it?

Hanson: Of course not! But it’s just…it’s like….*mumble*

Vinegar: Deathman puts that knee across his chest and leads in for the choke. Hazel East on her feet again steps in.

1! 2! 3! 4!

Vinegar: Lord Deathman finally breaks the hold and steps back. The referee having a few stern words about that shove as The Headliner gets to his feet in the corner.

Hanson: See, he’s just fine.

Vinegar: Deathman shoves past the referee again though and launches himself into the corner and hit’s the clothesline. The Blessed One’s staggering and Deathman’s got him by the throat. Choke Toss across the ring.

Hanson: Get up Travis!

Vinegar: You know, technically you’re supposed to be impartial.

Hanson: Whatever.

Vinegar: Deathman’s got him up again. He’s got him up in a vertical suplex and he’s holding him there. Look at that strength, he can just hold him there as long as he likes.

Hanson: That’s nothing, Travis has had more blood than this rush into his head.

Vinegar: It’s probably better for him then where it all seems to have been up to now.

Hanson: Was that a penis joke? This is a family show you know.

Vinegar: Then I hope the kids and grandma have been out of the room during Jack Severino’s promos. Deathman drops back and finishes the suplex. Pin attempt.

1!

2!

Hanson: No, Travis gets a shoulder up!

Vinegar: Just, Deathman hammering with those left hands now though. Looks like Travis is on dream street.

Hanson: Do you keep up at all? Travis Roberts lives on Dream Street.

Vinegar: Referee steps in again to separate them but Deathman lands a few more shots.

Hanson: Roberts punches him in the knee as he gets up.

Vinegar: That injured knee The Headliner was working over earlier and Deathman’s leg collapses under him.

Hanson: You should have known he’d come back to that. Travis Roberts can see into the future. He knew he’d be able to use it later.

Vinegar: Where do you get this stuff from?

Hanson: The internet.

Vinegar: The internet’s full of weirdoes and nut jobs.

Hanson: Your momma’s on the internet.

Vinegar: I’m not even gonna dignify that with a response. Roberts follows up with an eye rake as he struggles back to his feet. He runs to the ropes…

Hanson: Spins behind Lord Deathman and hit’s a German Suplex! See that? He just lifted that crazy right over his head.

Vinegar: Great display of defiance from the Headliner but it took it out of him and both men are out for the count.

1! 2! 3! 4! 5! 6!

Hanson: Travis is back on his feet and taking in to Deathman, going back to that knee with the stomps.

Vinegar: Dragging him back to the middle of the ring, looks like he’s setting something up.
Hanson: Reverse figure four! What a hold! No way Deathman’s getting out of this, he’s gonna tap!

Vinegar: Deathman clearly in a lot of pain with that knee. He’s reaching out but the ropes just out of reach.

Hanson: Tap! Tap!

Vinegar: Deathman clawing his way across the mat though and he reaches the rope. Roberts isn’t letting go though.

1! 2! 3! 4!

Vinegar: The Headliner finally releases the hold and staggers over to the corner to try to compose himself again while the General of Destruction tries to get back to his feet.

Hanson: Look the Blessed One, he’s daring Deathman to try to finish him off.

Vinegar: Well he’s back up and looming in on him.

Hanson: Travis bursts out of the corner with the low dropkick though and Deathman’s down again.

Vinegar: Travis picking the big guy up again and moving him over to the corner. More right hands and, is he trying to lift him onto the top rope?

Hanson: He’s not trying, he’s doing it. Deathman sat on the top rope, the Headliner climbs up. Looks like he’s going for the superplex.

Vinegar: No don’t do it! This is insanity!

Hanson: Do it! This is insane!

Vinegar: Deathman blocks it. Wait, OH MY GOD!!! Did you see that!? Deathman turned it around and took Travis Roberts out with the belly belly suplex to the outside. That must have broken every bone in both their bodies.

Hanson: Travis Roberts bones are made from…

Vinegar: Oh will you shut up for one minute! Travis Roberts is a human being and could have just taken a career ending fall.

Hanson: …

Vinegar: Hazel East is counting them out.
1! 2! 3! 4! 5! 6! 7! 8!

Vinegar: Deathman’s up and rolls into the ring, but straight back out again. He’s not done with him yet. He’s got him up. Irish whip into those steel steps. What an impact.

1!

Hanson: …

Vinegar: You can say something again Daniel.

Hanson: I’m lost for words.

2!

Vinegar: Deathman charging in…

Hanson: Yes! He’s ok. The Headliner rolled out of the way and Deathman smashed his own knee on the steps.

3!

Vinegar: He’s got a chair now. Surely he’s not going to use that. He knows this isn’t a no disqualification match.

4!

Hanson: I’m sure he’s got a plan. He’s back in the ring now.

Vinegar: And referee Hazel East instantly going to take that weapon off him and rightly so.

5!

Hanson: Travis leaning through the ropes and he’s got Deathman by the hair, pulling him up and back into the ring.

6!

Vinegar: Deathman slides back in the ring. The Headliner back on him with the stomps but Deathman shoves him away and pushes himself back up, he doesn’t look good on his feet. That knee’s clearly bothering him now.

Hanson: Travis forces him back to the corner. Headliner going up to the top rope again. Looks like he’s going for Diamond Dust.
Vinegar: Deathman’s caught him though, he’s got him up on his shoulders as he limps back to the middle of the ring. ARMAGEDDON!!! Cover.

1!

2!

3!

Vinegar: No! The Blessed One kicked out. It was so close Hazel East couldn’t stop her hand hitting the mat. She’s signalling the two though, this match isn’t over and you can see the frustration on Deathman’s face even through that mask. He’s going for that chair.

Hanson: Keep it away from him ref.

Vinegar: She seems to be trying to partner. She wrestling with him for that chair but she can’t think she’s going to disarm Lord Deathman.

Hanson: For once I agree with you and Deathman just threw her down. I think she’s out.

Vinegar: I think her head hit the turnbuckle and she’s looks unconscious. Deathman’s got the chair and turns back to Travis.

Hanson: Who’s this!? It’s Declan Prescott charging into the ring.

Vinegar: He’s wrestling with Deathman for that chair. He’s got it and Travis is slowly getting to his feet.

Hanson: This isn’t looking good for Lord Deathman.

Vinegar: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!? Declan Prescott just turned the chair on Travis Roberts! He just laid him straight back to the mat with that shot!

Hanson: What? What just happened?

Vinegar: The Blessed One just got what was coming to him Daniel. You can’t trust Declan Prescott. Everyone knows that. Everyone except Travis Roberts. Look at him now he’s dropped that chair and he’s telling Deathman to make the pin.

Hanson: No, this is outrageous!

Vinegar: Look at the smile on his face. He’s so pleased with himself. He’s trying to revive Hazel East down in the corner there. Deathman goes down for the pin.

Hanson: WAIT! Travis is on his feet!
Vinegar: What the hell!!! The Headliner just shrugged that chair shot off and he’s caught Deathman prone! He’s got him under the arm!

Hanson: WHITE OUT! STRAIGHT ONTO THE CHAIR!

Vinegar: Travis Roberts kicks the chair out of the ring as he goes for the cover. Declan’s got the referee up to make the count.

1!






2!






3!

Ding! Ding! Ding!

Vinegar: That’s the match.

Dennis: Here is your winner! The Global Championship Number 1 Contender. The Headliner! Traviiiiiiiiiiis Roberrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrts!!!

Hanson: I’m still trying to work out what just happened Nick.

Vinegar: The Deathman got royally screwed, that’s what happened. Declan Prescott is raising Travis’s hand in victory. Can we see that replay?

A slow motion replay of the chair shot plays from several angles.
Vinegar: You see that? It hit his fist. They faked the shot and Travis Roberts was just playing possum.

Hanson: I knew Declan wouldn’t screw The Blessed One over.

Vinegar: Look at them both. So proud of themselves. Deathman had him beat, we could all see that.

Declan and Travis walk backward up the ramp, arms held up in victory. The Headliner is clearly exhausted. Deathman slowly recovers in the ring, getting up to his knee, he glares up towards them, fists clenched with rage.

Vinegar: And the General is not happy at all. He knows he had this match won and he just got screwed.

Hanson: Better luck next time big guy.

’The Blessed One’ Travis Roberts: 11

Lord, Deathman: 1

[Lord Hastings]

Dennis: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall, and is for the Global Impact Wrestling HAAAAARDCOOOOORE CHAAAAAAAAMPIOOOOOOOOONSHIIIIIIIIIP!!!

“Bullet with Butterfly Wings” echoes out around the arena and the crowd rise to their feet and sound their appreciation for the Superstar who is moments away from appearing on stage.

Vinegar: What a reception for Andy Savana here in Canada

Savana springs out onto the stage, arms stretched wide, and bouncing on the spot eagerly. He takes in the cheers and then settles down to perform his trademark head turn and shrug.

Dennis: Introducing the Challenger! From Houston, Texas, weighing in at 244lbs, he is GIW’s ‘Resident Schizo’, AAAAAAAAAANDY SAAAAAAAAVAAAAAANAAA!!!

Savana then springs to life once more and comes bounding down the ramp, slapping the outstretched hands of the fans clambering for a touch of one of their hero’s.

Vinegar: There is certainly a spring in Savana’s step tonight, I think this opportunity at the Hardcore title may have motivated him…he’s been rather sluggish in the ring of late, almost as though he’s taken a beating before even entering the ring…

Hanson: You are attempting to explain Savana’s mood swings? What a retarded concept. It’s probably just down to a change in pills…

Vinegar: Your sceptical nature leaves me feeling empty and hollow many a night..

Hanson: Well you’re blind optimism and naivety have led me to turn to self harming live on air.

Vinegar: That is a blatant lie! I’m not surprised you’re such a fan of ‘The Revolution’, you’d fit right in with those two sneaky sons of bitches and their compulsive lying and deceiving…

Hanson: Comparing me positively with the owner of our company and the future Global Impact Wrestling Global Heavyweight Champion is hardly the greatest insult you’ve ever thrown at me…

“Wonder Whats Next” And the crowd erupts into an enormous cheer…

Vinegar: Listen to that reception for the current Hardcore Champion, these fans are in for a treat tonight, they love both these guys…

Hanson: Well, I’ve always said, there is no accounting for taste, especially when it comes to Canadians…

The fans are pumped and screaming for Randy Boolzian to appear, but there is no sign of the GIW Hardcore Champion, a few fans seem to be getting restless, but only a very small minority. The rest are screaming their lungs out in anticipation of the ‘Red Bull Icon’. Dennis speaks to Obese Tony, and then nods, and picks up the microphone…

Dennis: And now, Introducing the HAAAAAARDCOOOOOOORE CHAAAAAAAMPIOOOOOOOON! From California, weighing in at 220lbs…he is….RAAAAAAAANDY ‘BOOOOOOOOOOLZ’ BOOOOOOOOLZIAAAAAAN!!!!

As Dennis finishes screeching out the last syllable, an enormous beeping cuts over BoolZ’s entrance music. A few confused faces appear across the crowd, and then the curtains on the stage part, and the mystery in revealed. Reversing down the arenaramp, emerging from underneath the GlobaTron is BoolZ’s trademark ‘U-Suk’ van. BoolZ is hanging from the drives window, can of Red Bull in one hand, cigarette hanging from his mouth, steering the van all the way down to the ring.

Hanson: What the hell is he doing? Is this guy high? THIS AIN’T THE PARKING LOT RANDY!!! Dumb jerk…

Vinegar: It’s a hardcore match Daniel, things get unpredictable…

BoolZ opens the passenger door and climbs out, he holds it open for a few more seconds, and Connie comes jumping out and onto the arena floor. The tiny little creature looks slightly in awe of the surroundings it has found itself in, but BoolZ kneels down to comfort man’s best friend and slips the leash on her. He then walks around the ring directly to the commentary table…

Hanson: he’s got that damn mangy mutt with him! Why the hell is he walking over here…NO!...No I gotta job to do!...I know YOU have a match to write but I can’t sit here and look after your damn dog…What the hell do you mean ‘Thanks A Lot?’….wait….where are you going….

We can hear Vinegar laughing his socks off as Hanson stares down at Consequences, who just cocks the head and looks at Hanson with intrigue...then back to Randy, who is now climbing into the ring. BoolZ turns and winks at Connie, and then gets into the ring.

Hanson: Can you believe that guy!?!? Do I look like a dog minder!

Vinegar: Maybe Randy has seen you out on dates…

BoolZ hands his title to Obese Tony and turns to face Andy Savana who is leaning back on the ropes, eagerly awaiting the start of this match. Boolz moves to the center of the ring, and Savana advances also. Both men briefly listen to Owen Peterson going through the rules and then the bell sounds.

Vinegar: BoolZ gets the opening manoeuvre by striking Savana in the face with a stiff right hand, he then quickly dodges behind Andy Savana and goes for a belly to back suplex…

Hanson: But Savana lands on his feet, and then quickly takes BoolZ down with a leg sweep, and then locks onto RBI’s ankle and twists…

Vinegar: But Randy manages to runs around, and reach over to Savana to break the hold, and place Andy Savana in a reverse headlock…

Hanson: But Savana reaches with his own legs, and now breaks the hold by grabbing Randy in a tight leg scissors…

Vinegar: Only for Randy to start climbing to his feet, and with almighty effort, he pulls Andy Savana off the ground and into a Powerbo…

Hanson: NO! Savana twists and counters….DDT!!!

Vinegar: Savana on his feet, and BoolZ quickly springs back up, whilst shaking his head…What a great example of chain wrestling from these two guys…

Hanson: What the hell do you want?

Vinegar: What?

Hanson: Not you! This damn mutt is biting at my trousers and tugging me…this is Armani you flea ridden mongrel!!!

Vinegar: Don’t you dare kick out at it…Randy would kill you, and I wanna commentary partner for the main event…Meanwhile though back in the ring, BoolZ has whipped Svana into the ropes, but Andy ducks under a clothesline attempt, jumps onto the middle rope and springboards back, lands on BoolZ’s shoulders…HURRICANRA…

Hanson: NO! This time Randy is one step ahead, and holds his weight and delivers a nasty looking powerbomb…Savana landed directly on the back of his neck…

Vinegar: But he springs to his feet, but as soon as he gets up BoolZ performs a full front flip into a dropkick…TUMBLEWEED! And Svaana, had not regained his balance and goes backwards into the turnbuckle…BoolZ quickly onto his feet, runs full speed at Savana, another front flip…NOFLYZO…

Hanson: NO! Savana is aware enough to dodge, and propel BoolZ’s body over the top rope whilst still upside down…that must have taken a great deal of strength! See that ya little mutt! Your so called owner just got owned…

Vinegar: BoolZ crashed into the edge of the back of that U-Suk van, upside down and backwards, before sailing to the arena floor…Savana grabs the top rope, and uses it for leverage and goes for a flying body press…

Hanson: BoolZ gets his knee’s up, and now both men are writhing around on the arena floor after that…

Vinegar: And the fans are going wild showing their appreciation for both these guys, and BoolZ is the first to his feet, he’s grabbing his neck and back…it seems his entire spine connected with the edge of that Van…he rolls the door to the van up…and climbs into the comparative darkness…

Hanson: Savana is climbing to his feet now, and he sees the back of the truck open and walks towards it…

Vinegar: And BoolZ comes flying out and connects Savana’s skull to a steel chair…sending Savana to the ground, but on his landing Randy tenses up…seems like his back is really giving him some problems…

Hanson: It’s his own fault for brining that…I dunno, is it his home?...down to ringside…

Vinegar: He swings the chair again at Savana, but Savana manages to catch Randy with a Drop Toe hold, and Randy falls into the chair and the side of the ring, and then slumps to the floor…

Hanson: And Savana tosses the chair aside, and drops a knee onto Randy’s back, and then drags him to his feet, and whips him into the va…

Vinegar: NO! BoolZ reverses and sends Savana in the opposite direction, and Andy smashes into the ring post…BoolZ grips his back and climbs back onto the back of the van…Savana turns….and Randy throws a huge Ornate Vanity Mirror out of the Van….Savana catches it…and freezes…he stares into the mirror with a look of confusion…TUMBLEWEED FROM THE VAN!!!

Hanson: And that front flip dropkick connects with vanity mirro, and smashes Andy Savan’s face right through it…shattering the glass into millions of pieces…

Vinegar: Savana stands dazed, with the frame hanging around his neck…blood pouring from multiple cuts across his face…and then he falls to the floor…IS HE SMILING!?

Hanson: I wouldn’t put it past the sick bastard…get down will you….no DOWN!! Damn dogs trying to climbs on my lap now…

Vinegar: I think he likes your cologne; it can’t be your sparkling personality or way with animals…

Hanson: He? Is it a he? Its name’s Connie for christs sake. I know Boolzian comes from a pretty screwed up family, but giving a boy dog a girl’s name is just wrong…

Vinegar: It’s short for Consequences…and BoolZ now climbs into the back of the truck once more…he seems to be looking for something…and frantically, as we see dozens of Zip Locked bags of panties flying in the air, until BoolZ emerges…

Hanson: With a mini fridge…

Vinegar: Stocked full of Red Bull…he sets it down on the edge of the van, climbs down, opens the door, and cracks open a can of Red Bull…tossing a few in the direction of some of the front row fans…

Hanson: It’s a bit early for a celebratory drink isn’t it…

Vinegar: This isn’t a display of celebration…it’s a necessity…and BoolZ finishes the can, and then turns his attentions back to Savana, and he pulls him up by his hair, only to be met with an uppercut from Andy Savana, who then springs onto the guard rail, and springs back and catches BoolZ with a TORNADO DDT…

Hanson: No! BoolZ manages to counter and brings Andy back onto his feet, whilst still locked in a headlock…but he twists out and ends up behind Savana with a hammerlock, he then spins Savana Round…VERTICAL SUPLE…

Vinegar: It’s Savana’s turn to reverse and he lands behind Randy, and quickly hits a standing dropkick…Randy goes falling forward quickly, trying to keep his balance, but it’s inevitable he falls forward into the truck…

Hanson: And BoolZ’s head slams through the glass door of that Mini Fridge…and into those fully stocked Red Bulls…

Vinegar: BoolZ pulls himself out of the fridge, his face covered in blood and his favourite caffeine based drink, and he licks his lips just before Savana whips him back inside the ring…BoolZ climbs to his feet, as Savana energetically jumps onto the canvas, and then climbs the top rope…BoolZ climbs to his feet, still clutching at the back of his neck…FLYING CLOTHESLINE!!! Savana nails that move, and quickly makes the first cover of the night…

1…

2….

Hanson: BoolZ gets his shoulder up at the last moment, and Savana climbs to his feet, and pulls BoolZ up and whips him into the turnbuckle…Savana goes to the outside, and climbs the turnbuckle himself…DIAMOND DUST!!! A vicious neckbreaker to BoolZ’s damaged neck…seems Andy is playing a smart game here…

Vinegar: He’s aiming his efforts onto that neck, and BoolZ is rolling on the canvas holding it….I hope he doesn’t get paralysed…

Hanson: I’m not keeping this mongrel if he dies, let me say that right now…

Vinegar: Savana walks over to BoolZ who now lies motionless on the floor…Like Lightening BoolZ springs to his feet…FLUIDITY!!!

Hanson: Savana goes back into the ropes and then comes back towards BoolZ…

Vinegar: Who kicks him in the gut…DISCOMBOOLZALATOR!!!! OUT OF NOWHERE!!! Randy goes for the cover!

1…

2….

Hanson: NO! Savana get’s his foot on the bottom rope…Randy stands up looking in disbelief at Owen Peterson, whilst clutching his neck…Savana, clings onto the ropes as he brings himself back to the to his feet..and BoolZ turns…and flips…ANOTHER TUMBLEWEE…

Vinegar: NO! Savana catches him and counters into The CHAMBERS OF PAIN! He has that high angled crab locked in….but BoolZ makes it to the ropes pretty quickly…

Hanson: He was far too close to the ropes for that to work, but it’s bought that Schizoid some time…he turns back to BoolZ, who is on his knees…he grabs him by the hair and whips him against the ropes…but BoolZ leapfrogs Savana, and then stops…Savana turns…INTO A DISCOMBOOL…

Vinegar: NO! ANOTHER REVERSAL, Savana twists, and now he has BooLZ in THE RIBZ LOCK!!!!

Hanson: Randy is flailing his arms about, Savana has that synched in right in the middle of the ring…and it’s focusing the energy on BoolZ’s bad neck…Savana gets BoolZ to the ground…BoolZ hand is dropping…he’s gonna TAP!

Vinegar: No, BoolZ is climbing back up to his feet, Savana’s grip seems to be tiring, and BoolZ…kicks out his own legs, grabs Savana’s head and performs a modified STUNNER!!! Now Savana is rolling around on the floor…and BoolZ drags himself to his feet and climbs the top rope….

Hanson: But Savana climsb to his feet and runs the ropes…causing BooLZ to fall down directly on the ropes on his nuts…and now Savana charges towards BoolZ, climbs the ropes for a knee to the fa…JESUS MARY AND JOSEPH!!!

Vinegar: BoolZ counters, grabs Savana SPINNING DISCOMBOOLZALATOR FROM THE TOP ROPE!!! SAVANA LANDS ON HIS FACE…

1…

Hanson: The sick freak is smiling….

2…


3!!!!!

Dennis: Here is your winner…AND STIIIIIILL GIW HAAAAARDCORE CHAAAAAMPION, RAAAAAAANDY BOOOOOOOOOOLZIAN!!!!!!

Vinegar: BoolZ climbs to his feet and accepts the title belt from Owen Peterson,a nd raises it to the sky, whilst clutching his neck…he looks down towards Savana, who’s smiling, yet unable to move…he seems…at peace…BoolZ climbs out of the ring…

Hanson: Thanks Christ! That dog just leapt of my lap and ran into that Caffeine Junkies arms…I didn’t want BoolZ covering my suit with blood and Red Bull along with dog hairs…

Vinegar: What a display these guys put on tonight…but Randy Boolzian completes another successful title defence…and climbs into his U-Suk truck and drives off the arena floor…holding the Title out of the Window as his music is drowned out by the pumped up crowd!

RANDY BOOLZIAN: 9

ANDY SAVANA: 5

[Lord Hastings]

“Kickstart My Heart” smashes into play, as Brandon Brown enters the arena. The fans begin cheering ecstatically, as he taunts the entire way down the entrance ramp.

Dennis: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the GLOBAL HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP! Introducing the challenger, from Albion, Indiana and weighing 190 pounds… BRRRRRRRRRRRRANDON BRRRRRRRRRRROWN!!!

The long, soft intro to 'Mountains' now begins to play. A minute later, it breaks into the rocking Chorus.

"TALL AS A MOUNTAIN!
I'M GONNA TEAR THROUGH THE SKY!
LIFE'S FOR THE TAKING!"

Dennis: And now, the GLOBAL HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, from Kyoto, Japan and weighing 409 pounds… KOMOSUUUUUUBE!!!

Around this time, Komosube steps out, garbed in only his loincloth, holding the Title by one end. A stream of cherry blossom petals falls atop him, and he inhales deep before raising the title in the air, shouting at the top of his lungs. The fans go nuts for this, as he walks briskly down the ramp, huge angry grin on his face. When he's about 12 feet from the ring he throws the Title over the top rope and into the centre, sliding into the ring and shouting 'HIROSHIMA' at the top of his lungs, fist in the air again, before taking the title and tossing it at Old Man Hermit without looking at the huge man, and eyeing Brandon Brown, trash talking him in Japanese and laughing.

Vinegar: Well folks, we’re finally here! The main event! The Global Heavyweight Championship! There’s the bell and here we go!

Hanson: Such a prestigious prize. These men are going to wage war so the winner can achieve a huge victory and be able to lose to Travis Roberts next month!

Vinegar: We’re never gonna here the end of this… nonetheless, the match everyone has been waiting for has finally begun! Komosube whips Brown to the ropes. Connects with a stiff knife hand on the rebound! Brown springs back up and slaps Komo right across the face!

Hanson: Cocky…

Vinegar: Komosube seems to have taken offence and swings with a MASSIVE clothesline! Brown ducks and scores with a dropkick as the big man turns around! Komo stumbles, but he’s still standing. It’s gonna take more than that to knock the 409 pounds of Global Champ off his feet!

Hanson: But now Brown is whipping the Champ and his man boobs to the ropes. Or he’s trying to, at least…

Vinegar: Komo refuses to budge and instead yanks Brown straight into a powerful clothesline! Brown gets turned inside out by the force of Komosube!!! Now the Champ lifting the challenger up and tosses him face first into the corner! Brown bouncing away from the turnbuckle like a rag doll and Komo is poised for a belly-to-belly! He nails it!!

Hanson: Day-um!! He threw him across the whole ring!!

Vinegar: Right you are. Brown has landed in the opposite corner!

Hanson: It’s the man bosoms, Nick. They give Komo mystical powers.

Vinegar: But he doesn’t need any mystical powers to kick your ass. Back in the ring, Komo has pulled Brown up again. But Brandon playing a little possum and takes grasp of Komo’s arm! Now he’s twisting it around with all the strength he has!

Hanson: But it’s not enough! Komo swings him like a bat into the corner! Brandon looking like a kid flying through the windscreen with that impact!

Vinegar: Where to you come up with these God awful similes? No, actually, I don’t want to know… back to business and Komo is kicking the stuffing out of Brown, who has a firm hold of the bottom ropes. Burke trying to separate the two, but Komo doesn’t seem to want to budge. Burke counting and the Champ backs off at four. Brown back up, but Komo charges and clotheslines him right out of the rin – NO!!! Brown drops to the canvas, pulls on the top rope on his trip down and the Champ goes tumbling over the topes and out of the ring!!!

Hanson: This really is strength vs. speed, Nick. And now Brandon is brining the latter and going to the top rope!!

Vinegar: Komo recovering on the outside, BUT BROWN WITH A MOONSAULT LANDS RIGHT ON TOP OF HIM!!! WHAT?!?!?! KOMOSUBE JUST CAUGHT THE CHALLENGER IN MIDAIR!! AND NOW HE’S CHARING FULL SPEED AT THE SAFETY BARRIER!!! BOOM!!! HE JUST LAUNCHED BROWN INTO IT FACE FIRST AND THE ENTIRE BARRIER JUST CRUMPLED AWAY!!!

Hanson: God damn! Those front row fans just got crushed!

Vinegar: Well, if those good folks weren’t aware of how often that happens at our shows, they deserve what they get. And Komo seems to think Brown deserves some more punishment! He pulls him up and tosses him into the ring post, laughing as he does so!

Hanson: He’s sick! How can he take so much pleasure in hurting Brown?!

Vinegar: You didn’t seem to have a problem with Deathman doing it back at Guerrilla Warfare.

Hanson: D-Mike sucks.

Vinegar: Yo momma sucks D-Mike!

Hanson: !!!

Vinegar: Now Komo rolling Brown into the ring, as Burke’s count reaches 7. Komo now getting back in via the steps and Burke stops counting at 9. Those extra seconds have given Brown some time to recover. He’s back to his feet. But the Champ’s attack is relentless. He’s already coming at the challenger! But Brandon with an enziguri!!!

Hanson: But Komo still hasn’t fallen down!

Vinegar: No he hasn’t. The Global Champ has gone stumbling back into the ropes, but he’s still on his feet! Brown launches a follow up attack and hits a dropkick to the knees of Komo! The Champ falls to his knees and now Brown looking for a DDT! But Komo grabs him around the thighs, climbs back to his feet and charges at the corner! BOOM! Brown going spine first into the turnbuckle!!

Hanson: And Brandon in a lot of pain. Komosube doesn’t care and just punches him in the face!

Vinegar: Nothing pretty about that, but effective all the same. Now Komo grabs Brandon, spins him around and begins hitting some furious rights and lefts into the back of Brown!

Hanson: Komosube now targeting that back it seems. Smart move. Brown can’t really do anything if his back is in too much pain.

Vinegar: But Brown is still in the corner and has hold of the ropes. Burke again counting and the Champ again stopping his assault at 4. Brown pushing himself out of the corner, but Komo slams him hard to the mat with a shoulder block. And now the Champ is laughing once more!

Hanson: He’s really enjoying this, isn’t he?

Vinegar: He lives for competition, Daniel. It’s his favourite thing in the whole world.

Hanson: I thought that was young boys…

Vinegar: You’re sick. You know that, right? Back in the ring – oh, stop giggling, Daniel! Back in the wrestling ring, Komo has pulled Brown up. He’s taking his time now and looking for a suplex, but Brown breaks free! He lands on his feet behind the Champ and a German suplex coming up! NO! Komo counters with an elbow to the face and Brown hits the canvas. He’s looking to get back up, but Komosube kicks him right in the back! Brown is really being outclassed here.

Hanson: Of course he is. He wasn’t picked as The Revolution’s puppet Champion!

Vinegar: Suck up… anyway, now Komo is slapping the downed Brown on the head, telling him to get up. Brown not even close to quitting, is climbing back to his feet. But Komo with a right hand knocks him right back down – NO! Brown blocks the fist AND PULLS KOMO INTO A SMALL PACKAGE!!! ONE!! TWO!!! THRE – KOMO KICKS OUT!!!

Hanson: Woah! That was almost the match right there!!

Vinegar: And look at Brown! He’s smiling!! He’s saying he finally got Komo off his feet and nearly won the match the first time he did it! Komo not happy and charges at Brandon! Brown rolls to the side and Komo’s clothesline goes astray! And now brown with a modified enziguri to the back of the Champ’s skull! Komo goes toppling forwards into the ropes AND BROWN WITH A SCHOOL BOY FROM BEHIND!!! ONE!!! TWO!!! THRE – AGAI KOMO KICKS OUT AT THE LAST SECOND!!!

Hanson: And if you thought the fatty was ticked off before, he looks to be going ape shit right now! He’s lunging at Brown and is looking to rip him apart!

Vinegar: Komo charging, But Brown side steps! He’s using his speed perfectly here and is now pummelling away at Komo with some rights and lefts! But the Champ is able to overcome the assault! He takes Brown by the throat and hurls him right into the corner!! And now Komo charges with a whole body splash!!!

Hanson: And that’s a whole lot of body! Luckily Brandon escapes certain doom by jumping out of the corner at the last second!

Vinegar: AND SCORES WITH A SUPER KICK ON KOMO – NO!!! THE CHAMP CATCHES BROWN’S LEG, AND HEAD BUTTS THE CHALLENGER RIGHT IN THE FOREHEAD!!!

Hanson: And what a head butt that was, Nick?! Brown is bleeding after that shot!

Vinegar: Yes he is, but Komo didn’t let go of Brown’s leg. He’s dragging the challenger across the ring, like he’s moving a corpse!

Hanson: How do you know what moving a corpse is like, huh?

Vinegar: Coz I moved yo grandmomma’s last night!!

Hanson: !!!!!!

Vinegar: Now Komo has reached the corner and pulled brown up. He’s climbing to the second rope AND LOOKING FOR THE KAMIKAZE SMASHER!!! HE HITS I – NO!!!! BROWN COUNTERS INTO A FALLING DDT!!! BUT KOMO LANDS ON HIS FEET, REFUSUING TO GO DOWN!!!

Hanson: And now Komo with a big back body drop!! Brown landed right on that hurting back!!

Vinegar: Now Komo is stomping away at Brown’s back! He’s pulling the challenger up, but brown with a knee to the gut! Looking for that DDT once more! But Komo lifts him up like a child and drops him neck first across the top rope! Brown bouncing to the canvas and rolling across the ring!

Hanson: And he’s stomach down, Nick! Komo is probably just gonna start kicking the hell out of his back again!

Vinegar: No! Komo has a different idea! HE’S GOING TO THE TOP ROPE!!!! BANZAI-SAULT TO BROWN!!!! EVERY BIT OF THAT 409 POUND CHAMPION GOES PLUMETTING INTO BROWN’S BACK!!!! KOMO ROLLS HIM OVER AND COVERS!!! ONE!!! TWO!!!! THREE!!!! IT’S OVER!!!! KOMOSUBE RETAINS THE GLOBAL TITLE!!!!

Dennis: Here is your winner, via pinfall, and STILL GLOBAL HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION… KOMOSUUUUUUUUUUUBE!!!!

Hanson: I don’t believe it! The man bosoms came through for him!!

Vinegar: A courageous battle fought by both men, no doubt, but tonight the winner is Komosube. And now Burke is handing him that Title belt. And this time there were no screw jobs. No dirty finishes. Just two men battling it out and the better man coming out on top. Brandon Brown has been our most recognises Champion to date, but he may have finally met his match in Komosube!

Hanson: Nah, just his man bosoms, Nick. Even Gab’s 34DDs can’t overpower those hideous things.

Vinegar: I’m sure you’d know. But none of that matters, because we have a celebration here!

Hanson: That’s debatable.

Vinegar: Well all these fans seem to agree with me. They’re going nuts for Komosube, who is holding that title proudly in the air!

Hanson: Except for those people he crushed during the match…

Vinegar: Now Brown is getting back up, clutching his back. I wonder what stings more… the loss or his spine. Wait, what’s this? Travis Roberts is in the ring! Dammit, he has no business here!

Hanson: He’s part of The Revolution. His business is wherever and whenever the hell he says!

Vinegar: And he’s clapping. This is bullshit! What, is he gonna claim responsibility for the way this match panned out too?!

Hanson: If he wants. I mean, he’s – ARGH!!!

Vinegar: KOMOSUBE AND BRANDON BROWN BOTH JUST KICKED THE HELL OUT OF ROBERTS!!!

Hanson: THEY CAN’T DO THAT!

Vinegar: They just did! And now Komosube is bowing to Brown. But Brandon simply staring at his opponent with the devil’s eyes and leaving the ring! He wanted that Title so badly and Komosube was the one who took it from him!

Hanson: Screw that! Someone get Doc Professor out here to help Roberts!

Vinegar: We;; folks, we’re out of time. I’m Nicholas Vinegar, here with my suck up of a partner, Daniel Hanson. We thank you for joining us here tonight for this wonderful show. We’ll leave you with these images of Komosube raising that Global Title high in the air. Tonight is his night!

Komosube: 11

Brandon Brown: 3

[Lord Hastings]

EI8HT Credits

Battleground Qualifier Survivor Match
Declan Prescott

Kizz vs Marlo
Andy Savana

Battleground Qualifier. James vs Severino
Andy Savana

Parking Lot Brawl
Travis Roberts

Mickey Dragons Debut
Mickey Dragon

GIW Women’s Championship Match
Travis Roberts

Global Heavyweight Championship Number 1 Contender Match
Alex Kiseragi

GIW Hardcore Championship
Travis Roberts

GIW Global Heavyweight Title Match
Declan Prescott

Editor
Travis Roberts