Post by The Circle Television Network on Feb 15, 2019 23:19:10 GMT -5
PROLOGUE
It was another huge pay-per-view down and yet another huge let down for me. Honestly, I had gone into Infinity feeling great about where I was and what I could do. Even starting off first, I was confident that I had what it took to advance to the next round and grab another chance at singles gold. Hell, I was so confident that I even tried to put Sarah away early in the match to move on to the next round.
…you’re gonna catch so much shit for that…
Yeah, maybe I will, but at the time I was asking myself one question over and over…
“What would Alan Wallace do?”
The answer to that question was he would do what was in his nature and he would seize the first opportunity that came…without hesitation. I did that, and I came within a whisper of advancing…at my wife’s expense. Seeing the look of shock on her face was jarring. Maybe it was the first time she had seen that side of me and I got the distinct impression that it might not have been as exciting for her as I had first believed it would be.
…pussy…
Whatever! After that unfortunate turn, I decided that maybe what Vain would do wasn’t quite the way that I needed to advance. I fought my way through and I watched as Sarah advanced and I even helped Roxy advance…but in the end, that selflessness did little for me and I was the lone Cool Kid on the sidelines for the Global Challenge. I was the one who was going to be sitting things out while the rest of them battled for a chance at the one thing that would probably validate my entire wrestling career.
…you should have listened to Vain…
Maybe I should have grabbed Sarah’s tights when I rolled her up. Maybe I should have kicked Roxy in the head and took the pin for myself…
…the bitch didn’t even thank you…
Maybe I should have done more to get that deserving forth spot, but I didn’t…I did pussy out. Instead of doing what needed to be done for myself, I hid from that person…I hid from the look that Sarah gave me in the ring when I opened that door just a crack. Had I done what I should have done, maybe I would have been the winner of the Global Challenge…maybe I would be the next in line for a chance at becoming a champion instead of repeating the same mistakes over and over again.
…maybe…
WHAAA WHAAA WHAAA WHAA WHA…
I rolled over and pressed the ‘stop’ button on my alarm clock, and flopped back down in the bed, glancing over at my wife as she dozed away, still spent from last night’s post Infinity celebration. There had been dancing, singing, and lots and LOTS of drinking. I had been sorely disappointed in my performance at Infinity, but I was happy for my friends.
…you were NOT happy for them at all…
I certainly WAS happy for them! Of course, I felt that I should have been the one celebrating a victory that night, as the champion or the number one contender. There was nothing wrong with feeling that way! I’m sure that Sarah, who was an eyelash away from winning herself, felt the same way I did, though she hid it well. I was happy for Angie and Roxy, but I was also jealous and angry.
…you should have listened to Alan…
I leaned over and kissed Sarah, hoping she wouldn’t be able to read the conflict that was going on inside me. I started to roll out of the bed when she grabbed me, her voice still sluggish from our night of drinking and merriment.
“Beloved…don’t forget about your interview with Chris this morning. Ashley wouldn’t shut up about reminding you last night.”
“Chris, who?”
Sarah raised her head from her pillow, her platinum hair covering her face like a veil. Her voice was still weighed down by sleep as she answered.
“Chris Collins! He’s supposed to interview you about your Chill match on Monday, remember?”
I ran my hands down my face, doing my best to clear my thoughts.
“Baby, that was last year at Chill #1. I think you’re still a little drunk.”
Sarah blew the hair from her face, her lips vibrating with the effort as she apparently sought a clear view of me. As her hair settled back down over her eyes, she plopped back down.
“Okay…”
I sat there in silence for a moment, doing what I could to clear the Michelob induced cobwebs from my brain. I reached over and snatched up my phone from the nightstand and opened up my calendar to see that Ashley had put it there plain as day for this morning. ‘Fuck me!’ I thought to myself as I angrily opened messenger to shoot her a curse riddled text. After unblocking her, my inbox was assailed with a virtual avalanche of messages from her last night;
Ashley [dum bitch] Allen
Yesterday: 11:14pm
Boss, don’t forget your interview with Chris Collins from Chill tomorrow at 11am. You may want to lay off the beer.
Yesterday: 11:14pm
Boss, don’t forget your interview with Chris Collins from Chill tomorrow at 11am. You may want to lay off the beer.
Ashley [dum bitch] Allen
Yesterday: 11:17pm
Oh. You’re only having one beer. That should be fine.
Yesterday: 11:17pm
Oh. You’re only having one beer. That should be fine.
Ashley [dum bitch] Allen
Yesterday: 11:21pm
OMG! Why are you so drunk! You haven’t even finished the first bottle!
Yesterday: 11:21pm
OMG! Why are you so drunk! You haven’t even finished the first bottle!
Ashley [dum bitch] Allen
Yesterday: 11:58pm
So embarrassed for you right now, Boss.
Yesterday: 11:58pm
So embarrassed for you right now, Boss.
Ashley [dum bitch] Allen
Today: 1:34am
Did you block me? Why aren’t you responding? I CAN SEE YOU ON YOU PHONE!
Today: 1:34am
Did you block me? Why aren’t you responding? I CAN SEE YOU ON YOU PHONE!
Ashley [dum bitch] Allen
Today: 2:12am
UGH! Call me in the morning if you need to cancel this interview.
Today: 2:12am
UGH! Call me in the morning if you need to cancel this interview.
For a moment, I nearly texted her back and told her to cancel it, but that was the last thing I needed on my resume. I had mentioned my desire to take this season of UGWC off to concentrate on television and film projects and before I knew it I was labeled a whiner and attacked out of the blue by some idiot dressed as a 6-foot lizard, calling himself the Savior of Chill…despite never setting foot in the wrestling ring. While blowing off this interview, one I could have sworn I’d done before, was what I wanted to do…I felt compelled to get it over with.
…this ought to be good…
Go fuck yourself…
I sat in the chair across from Chris Collins, twisting one of my braids around my index finger as I stared at the man. I was not happy with this…I couldn’t have been less happy if I tried. Maybe it was the mounting frustration over my inability to become a contender because I refused to show the world my true face, or maybe it was the fact that I felt this interview was just a slap in the face. Either way, someone was about to catch the wrath!
Maybe Chris was reading the intense look of displeasure on my face or maybe he could sense the anger radiating off of me; either way, Chris gave me a cautious nod and started off the interview. His tone was almost apologetic.
“Ms. Grey, I can see that you’re not your usual jovial self. Given the results of Global Challenge last night I can…”
“Chris, why are we doing this again?”
Chris frowned, looking a bit confused. He glanced over my shoulder, no doubt, staring at Ashley for some clue as to where this was going. I didn’t turn to look, especially since I knew she would be just as clueless.
“I-I’m sorry…doing what again?”
“THIS!! This interview!! We already did this!!”
Chris blinked at me, then took a quick second to glance down at his notes.
“Ms. Grey, I…”
“YOU AND I DID THIS INTERVIEW THING FOR CHILL #1! DON’T YOU REMEMBER?!”
Chris recoiled from my outburst, then he nodded slowly as he finally understood what I was getting at. He sighed, clasping his hands together.
“Ms. Grey, that was almost a year ago, when you faced Daniel Corvin. I’m here to discuss Hide Yamazaki. You’ll be facing him on Mond…”
“Is THAT who I am now Chris? Am I the welcoming committee for all the fucking trash that blows though the Coalition?! Do I just get to relive Chill #1 with you, over and over again? Who in the hell even sent you here?!”
Chris stood up, holding up his hands defensively.
“Ms. Grey, it’s obvious that you’re still upset over what happened at Infinity, I will reschedule this in a few days and then we can talk about your upcoming match with Hide Yamazaki. I’m sorry about the poor timing Ms. Grey.”
I watched him leave, still fuming inside. Talking about Yamazaki was the last thing that I wanted to do. I had only just got done competing in a huge pay-per-view and here I was again, climbing my ass back into the ring when most of the Coalition was still off licking their wounds. That only served to upset me even more! Of all the people to have my name in their mouth leading into Infinity, Alan Wallace had the nerve to mention ME as an example of someone who was ‘half-assing’ it because I missed a Synergy!
Wallace and everyone else could kiss my ass! At least when I showed up to Synergy I didn’t go there just to appear, I went there to WIN! I was on the first three shows of the New Year and I busted my ass every single time! Here we were on Chill #6 and guess who was booked, AGAIN! I was stepping back into the ring against another unknown to compete and to win!
…just not at all costs…
I wish there was a way to give the finger to yourself. Whatever!
“Boss, you want me to reschedule that interview for Wednesday, or maybe Thursday? Maybe you’ll be over your hangover by then.”
I turned and glared at Ashley, then stood up abruptly, sending my chair back into her legs. She squealed and jumped back, but I paid her theatrics no attention. I was angry…angrier than I had been in some time.
“Call Ichabod and tell him I won’t be there! Tell him I am done with Chill, since I’m gonna be doing the same shit over and over!”
I started to leave, then paused, turning back to her.
“OH! And tell them not to book me for Synergy either! I’m sure that Vain has it covered since he’s the fucking workhorse around here! His schedule should be WIDE OPEN now!”
I stormed off, leaving Ashley in a state of confusion as I slammed the door closed behind me, knocking several pictures from the wall. I stormed down the hall, fuming as I did. I knew I had just fucked up. What I had said and done would go over like a fart in church, but the level of disrespect had been too much this time. I was tired of being questioned by people who didn’t have my heart! I was tired of being outdone by people who didn’t have my skill! I was just plain tired…sick and damn tired!
I knew I would get an earful from Sarah when I got back, and so I did…but that was that! Maybe after a good night’s sleep she would wake up and see things from my point of view!
…this was NOT what Vain would do…
“Fuck off!”
WHAAA WHAAA WHAAA WHAA WHA…
I rolled over and slammed the ‘stop’ button on my alarm clock, and flopped back down in the bed. I had been dreading this conversation with Sarah all night over my outburst yesterday. I was sure that it was all over UGWC already. Chris Collins might not have been one to gossip, but I knew he would probably talk to Jason Reeves and after what happened during our first interview back at Chill #1 when Christ was supposed to interview me, I’m sure I was quickly becoming persona non grata around the interview core and possibly in the Coalition as well.
…if you took Vain’s advice, you wouldn’t be like this…
“…bite me…”
I had said under my breath, but apparently it was loud enough to wake Sarah. She raised her head, shrouded in a tangle of platinum that obscured her face.
“Beloved…don’t forget about your interview with Chris this morning. Ashley wouldn’t shut up about reminding you last night.”
“Huh?”
“Chris Collins! He’s supposed to interview you about your Chill match on Monday, remember?”
I shook my head. I could smell alcohol on her. Apparently she had needed a little something extra to get through the night after our fight.
“Sar, today is Wednesday. I already did the interview.”
Sarah blew the hair from her face as she looked at me, her eyes still heavy with sleep. As her locks flopped back down into place, she plopped back down.
“Okay…”
…deja vu…
I ignored the voice in my head as I grabbed my phone off the night stand to make sure I had enough time to talk things over with Sarah before I had to run to the studio. I…
“…what the hell…?”
I paused, looking at the reminder on my schedule;
DAILY COOLSOURCE PLANNER
POWERED BY DIGITAL PIGEON
Chris Collins Interview: 11am Today
Note From Ashley Allen: Please don't dress like a hobo!
POWERED BY DIGITAL PIGEON
Chris Collins Interview: 11am Today
Note From Ashley Allen: Please don't dress like a hobo!
“…what is wrong with my phone…”
I glanced at the date, wondering why it still said Tuesday morning…and why I still had Michelob brain. I rubbed my temple and scrolled through my messages…the blocked ones from Ashley and they all read the same as yesterday. I groaned and fired off a text to her;
You
Now:
Hey, dum dum! Get me a new phone! This one still says that it’s Tuesday and I don’t want to deal with it!
Now:
Hey, dum dum! Get me a new phone! This one still says that it’s Tuesday and I don’t want to deal with it!
Hardly a moment passed before she texted right back;
Ashley [dum bitch] Allen
Now:
Wow Boss! You really are a light weight! One beer and you don’t even know what day it is. Do you want me to cancel the interview with Mr. Collins?
Now:
Wow Boss! You really are a light weight! One beer and you don’t even know what day it is. Do you want me to cancel the interview with Mr. Collins?
A strange feeling washed over me and I knew that what was happening was real…I just didn’t want to accept it. I opened up the news page and flipped through the morning’s headlines;
“NEW UGWC CHAMPION CROWNED!”
Cat Aficionado 2/12/19
[Click to read]
Cat Aficionado 2/12/19
[Click to read]
“ROXY COTTON DEFIES ODDS; WINS GLOBAL CHALLENGE!”
Scientology.org 2/12/19
[Click to read]
Scientology.org 2/12/19
[Click to read]
“UGWC SAVIORS IS STILL A BITCH!”
CoolNews Today 2/12/19
[Click to read]
CoolNews Today 2/12/19
[Click to read]
Okay, I was responsible for the last one, but the fact remained that this was all from Tuesday morning…
Ashley [dum bitch] Allen
Now:
Boss? Are you puking? Do you need me to come hold your hair again?
Now:
Boss? Are you puking? Do you need me to come hold your hair again?
I ignored her text and fired back;
You
Now:
No interview. Call Ichabod and tell him that I can’t compete.
Now:
No interview. Call Ichabod and tell him that I can’t compete.
Ashley [dum bitch] Allen
Now:
What do I tell him if he asks why?
Now:
What do I tell him if he asks why?
You
Now:
TELL HIM I AM ON MY PERIOD! I DON’T CARE! JUST TELL HIM I WON’T BE THERE!
Now:
TELL HIM I AM ON MY PERIOD! I DON’T CARE! JUST TELL HIM I WON’T BE THERE!
Ashley [dum bitch] Allen
Now:
Sarah told me you were obsessed with that. Gross Boss.
Now:
Sarah told me you were obsessed with that. Gross Boss.
I tossed my phone down and plopped back down on the bed wondering what was going on. I knew what was happening…I knew it was real…I just didn’t know why it was happening…
WHAAA WHAAA WHAAA WHAA WHA…
I rolled over and swatted the alarm clock, knocking it halfway across the room. Beside me, Sarah raised her head, her face covered by her tangled locks of hair.
“Beloved…don’t forget about your interview with Chris this morning. Ashley wouldn’t shut up about reminding you last night.”
“NO!”
“Chris Collins! He’s supposed to interview you about your Chill match on Monday, remember?”
I looked around frantically, trying to find something that would stop this day from repeating…ANYTHING!
“It’s supposed to be Wednesday! Why isn’t it Wednesday?!”
Sarah blew the hair from her face as she did time and time again, then she plopped back down.
“Okay…”
…deja vu…
“…shut the fuck up…”
I sat in the chair across from Chris Collins, twisting one of my braids around my index finger…then I abruptly stopped as I realized that I had done this before. I looked around, my brow furled in intense concentration as I did my best to see if anything was different, anything at all.
“Ms. Grey, I can see that you’re not your usual jovial self. Given the results of Global Challenge last night I can…”
I jumped to my feet, my eyes darting around frantically.
“Why is this all happening again?”
“I-I’m sorry…doing what again?”
I felt a hand on my shoulder and I whirled around, with my fist cocked back and ready for anything.
“Boss, you okay?”
It was only Ashley…so I punched her in the face anyway.
“OW!!! MOTHER FUCKER!!!”
I was dogpiled to the floor by everyone in the room, with my face pressed into the carpet as I screamed bloody murder…
“LET ME GO!!! LET ME FUCKING GO!!!”
…not what Vain would have done…
WHAAA WHAAA WHAAA WHAA WHAAA WHAAA WHAAA WHAA WHA…
I rolled over and stared at the alarm clock. Another day down in a string of endless days that constantly repeated no matter what I did. I tried to change what I did, small variances every time I awoke, but nothing worked. Apologizing to Sarah...no dice...led to an amazing day in bed though. I tried attacking Chris; that wasn't fun...but I beat up Ashley for like a month straight...just because.
I was at my wits end...another day that would come and go, then start all over again.
WHAAA WHAAA WHAAA WHAA WHAAA WHAAA WHAAA WHAA WHA…
Beside me, I heard Sarah stir, but I didn’t turn to look at her, I just mouthed the words I had heard her say time and time again.
“Beloved…don’t forget about your interview with Chris this morning. Ashley wouldn’t shut up about reminding you last night.”
“…okay…”
I tuned out everything else…I’d been there and done that. Over and over…nothing changed. No matter what I did…
…you haven’t done what Alan would do…
“…and what exactly is that…?”
…you’ll know…
I sat in the chair across from Chris Collins, twisting one of my braids around my index finger as I stared at the man. I considered stopping my hair twirling, but the truth of the matter was that it relaxed me, so I kept on doing it. I wanted to look relaxed…even if I really wasn’t. I could see Chris searching my face as he prepared to begin the interview, so I plastered on a big bright smile. He gave me one in return…a genuine one, not like mines.
…Alan would be pleased…
“Ms. Grey, thank you for taking the time to sit with me again. Given the results of Global Challenge last night I can imagine how disappointed you must feel.”
It was a mighty struggle to keep the smile on my face, but I did.
“Chris, it wasn’t the result that I hoped for. I gave it my best shot, but I couldn’t get it done.”
“You might have fallen short, but it was quite a feat to be one of the first ones in the match and battle until the end. You have nothing to be ashamed of.”
Inside, I screamed violently and wanted so badly to curse and scream, but I held it together…barely. Before, when I was still a Scientologist, I had my #Clarity to fall back on, but now I was forced to rely on myself. I laughed off his kind words and made a joke.
“Maybe I don’t need to be ashamed of my performance in the match, but I probably should be ashamed of my song choices at the Infinity After Party Rock Battle!”
Chris cut to the chase as he moved on to Monday and Kenzi’s match against Hide,
“On Monday you put your Chill undefeated streak on the line against a man, who is quite possibly, the most sadistic opponent you’ve ever come up against. Hide Yamazazki is a practitioner of Strong Style, making quite a name for himself in California Wrestling. Is there any trepidation on your part regarding facing someone of his caliber?”
…just remember, WWVD…
What Would Vain Do? He’d probably turn the conversation to his favorite subject; Alan Wallace. That was just the kind of person he was. Honestly, it was the kind of person I was as well…it just wasn’t in fashion to do that sort of thing.
…stop hiding…
“First thing, first Chris…maybe I do have a bit of a streak going, but that’s not what this match is about…”
…what the fuck is it about then…
I paused…thinking to myself that maybe the voice was right. Why did I have to moderate myself? Why did I have to hide my opinions? Who was I impressing by playing the part of the nice guy? Didn’t they finish last? I had done my fair share of that lately.
…open the door a little wider…
I settled back in my seat, shaking my head ever so slightly. It was time that I stopped hiding from myself. It hadn’t gained me anything in UGWC except a reputation for falling short and stepping aside for others. I had something to crow about on Chill…so why did I have to focus on what some Coalition rookie was going to do.
“Look Chris, I’m going to be honest with you here; I haven’t really even bothered to think about Hide and what he has accomplished in California. We’re not wrestling IN California and what he might have did there is going to be FAR behind him on Monday night. You said it yourself, I am undefeated on Chill. Maybe for some that doesn’t mean anything because it’s the place where the rogues of the industry can just show up for a night and collect a few cheers and a pay check. Well, I have collected more winner’s purses on there than anyone who has ever set foot in Chill and that includes part timers and UGWC champions! So, that’s why I am not spending time agonizing over what Hide is going to do when he shows up. He needs to be worried about what he can buy with the loser’s share of those Global Dollars that he'll be settling for.”
It felt weird to say those things out loud, but it was how I felt and it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I didn’t have to hide my emotions…I didn’t have to wonder if I was frowning when I should have been smiling or if I was offending this person or that person. I was always working without a net, terrified of falling, but what did I have to be afraid of anymore?
Chris raised his eyebrow at my response, clearly not expecting it. He waited for a beat or two, probably expecting a laugh or for me to tell him I was kidding, but it wasn’t coming. He gave a slight nod, then pressed on.
“I have to tell you, I didn’t expect that response from you. It’s almost like you’re looking past what ever challenge he might bring. Are you sure that is wise, considering his advantage over you in strength and his propensity to maul his opponents?”
“The only thing that anyone needs to consider is fact that Hide might have been dominant in whatever fishbowl he was swimming in before signing on to come to the Coalition, but he’ll be in the deep water on Monday night!”
Chris frowned, checking his notes.
“Have you learned to swim yet?
“I was talking metaphorically.”
Chris continued to nod, lacing his fingers as he considered me carefully. I could tell that he was really interested in this ‘change’ that he was witnessing.
“Kenzi, I don’t want to go sideways here, but it really seems like there is something going on here with you. I am wondering how much last night played in what we are seeing today? You handed your opportunity to advance to your friend, then you were eliminated while she went on to win the Global Challenge. Is that what’s driving you?”
…don’t bitch out now…
In truth, I might have cowed down before, but I couldn’t shy away…not this time.
“What’s driving me right now is the thought that someone like Hide is going to show up on Chill with this tidal wave of hysteria behind him and I am just going to shuck and jive around the fact that people want to turn me into some fucking underdog! I’m not an underdog! Maybe I have shit the bed on two singles title opportunities, but that doesn’t define me! All of my chances have come with a curve ball…but not on Chill! This is my Queendom and on Monday I show Hide why that isn’t just some menacing words I put in my UGWC bio…it’s the damn truth!”
“After Monday has come and gone and I am still the hottest thing on Chill, I am going to turn my attention to doing the same damn thing in the Coalition! Three matches, two main events, and all three wins! I am done being overlooked and passed up. From here on out, if you’re thinking that you’re stepping over me, you’d better think again! Hide Yamazaki isn’t first or last, he’s just next…be it Chill…or on Synergy!”
“Is that it?”
Chris could only shake his head in response.
“Nothing else from me. I guess we will see you on Monday night.”
I paused and nodded. Doing my best to think positive thoughts.
“I hope so Chris. This has been one long ass day!”
EPILOGUE
I went to bed that night filled with a sense that when I awoke it wouldn’t be a repeat of the day after I lost at Infinity. I had hope that I could put that failure behind me and move on. I had glimpsed the failed version of myself so many times that the thought of doing it…just once more left me ready to jump out of a window!Forward…that was where my destiny was with the Coalition. I knew it wasn’t going to be all roses and sunshine. There would be some bumps in the road. There would be more than a few curve balls that I would have to deal with before my journey was over. The point was that I was going to meet them head on…as myself…no more hiding and no more pretending to be something that I wasn’t for the sake of getting respect.
What Would Vain Do had been what I needed to hear…but What Will Kenzi Do sounded a whole lot better! I didn’t know when I’d get my chance to make good again in the Coalition, but I knew that I would…sooner or later…just as surely as I knew that this day was finally going to end and a new day was going to shine down on Kenzi Grey…
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