Post by Travis Pierce on Mar 23, 2019 22:23:35 GMT -5
Coming soon on the Piercing Media Network...
This exciting miniseries features a father leading two children through a landscape ripped apart by modern technology and convenience. He forces himself and the kids to wear blindfolds to avoid being exposed to the mainstream influences.
"Bored-Box"
This exciting miniseries features a father leading two children through a landscape ripped apart by modern technology and convenience. He forces himself and the kids to wear blindfolds to avoid being exposed to the mainstream influences.
"Bored-Box"
~
“No,” Vix continues walking down the arena hallway as an excitable Jet follows a step behind.
“Aw, come on Vix,” he grins. “Being a part of the Piercing Media Network would be far superior to… er… what was your group called?”
“You mean the Spec-” she begins.
“The Bexley Collective!” he raises a finger triumphantly, “Now I remember! None of those guys are still around, but Travis and I are. Every single group likes to claim that they are or were the greatest to ever influence this company, but only Travis and I have endured. You’ve proven you are a great interviewer backstage, Vix, but what if you had your own show? Imagine your hard-hitting, raw, honest questions as a great counterpoint to Travis’s sort of irreverent approach!”
Jensen stops in her tracks and turns around.
“I thought you were out on injury,” she challenges, crossing her arms. “What’s changed?”
“The Cooperative Division is due for a TPT return,” Jet shrugs. “We always come back, no matter what’s happened in the intervening years, no matter who we’ve been saddled with, we endure, and we always find our way back to being the dominant media presence. The other groups like to say it, but we prove it. Every generation gets a taste of PMN, and this is a whole new UGWC. We will rise, no matter how unlikely it looks at the moment. We always do. It’s inevitable.”
“Mmm-hmm,” Vix raises an eyebrow, “I knew that was why. It’s Hastings.”
Jet cocks his head and smirks, but doesn’t confirm or deny.
“So, what do you think, do you want to be a part of the greatest Network in UGWC history?” he extends the invitation again. “We’ve already got The Captain back.”
“Not interested,” she dismisses him as she turns to walk away. Jet shows a bit of frustration.
“Oh why, because you’re getting so much exposure out of nannying Travis Roberts’ outcasts?” he dares. “I saw you saving Alan Wallace’s ass by dropping NBK in his team’s lap.”
“I’m not interested, Jet…” she says in a sing song voice as she continues to walk away.
As she turns a corner, Jet smiles and mutters, “We’ll see.”
~
Coming soon on the Piercing Media Network...
This story unfolds over three decades, telling the story of a prize fighter trying to solve the mystery of why, in all this time, he hasn't been granted a championship fight. Deepening the investigation are the physical ailments the snubs are causing, including hives, toenail fungus, and the inability to digest tree nuts.
"True Defective"
This story unfolds over three decades, telling the story of a prize fighter trying to solve the mystery of why, in all this time, he hasn't been granted a championship fight. Deepening the investigation are the physical ailments the snubs are causing, including hives, toenail fungus, and the inability to digest tree nuts.
"True Defective"
~
Captain 80s concentrates intensely on an eggplant he has held up above his head, resting on his upturned palm. He holds it just so, causing it to catch a shine from the overhead light.
Captain 80s: NOBLE VEGETABLE, HOW YOUR IMAGE HAS BEEN SULLIED IN THIS STRANGE AGE!! THE CAPTAIN KNOWS YOU ONLY BY YOUR GLORIOUS PRESENCE IN HIS FAVORITE ITALIAN DISH, FOR WHICH MANY TIMES HE HAS DELIGHTED A LADY BY PREPARING YOU COOKED TO PERFECTION AND SEASONED TO REFINED TASTE!! HOW DARE YOUR SHAPE BE COMPARED TO SOMETHING SO UNBECOMING OF YOUR GIRTH AND STATURE!!
He solemnly places the eggplant on some surface below the camera’s view, then lifts the next food item; a zucchini.
Captain 80s: MIGHTY CURCUBIT!! HOW UNFORTUNATE THAT YOUR HARD-WON IMAGE BE SHIFTED TO ANOTHER, TO BE SUPPLANTED IF YOU WILL! THE CAPTAIN KNOWS THAT YOU ARE SAVORY AND SALTY, JUICY WHEN GRILLED, AND IRRESISTIBLE TO WOMEN!! YEAAAH! HOW COULD THEY HAVE FORGOTTEN YOU??
Again with the routine of placing the vegetable down and lifting up another.
Captain 80s: HEADSTRONG TURNIP, HOW THE CAPTAIN HAS REVELED IN THE TALES HE HAS HEARD OF YOUR STUBBORNNESS. IT TOOK AN ENTIRE FARMING VILLAGE TO DEFEAT YOU, ALL OF THEM HEAVING AND TUGGING UNTIL YOU WERE OVERPOWERED. THE CAPTAIN PRAYS TO THE MOON AND THE TREES OVER WHICH FALCOR SOARS THAT MAKING A DISH OF YOU WILL GRANT HIM THE STRENGTH AND POWER NEEDED TO WITHSTAND THE ATTACK OF NINE OTHER FOES IN THE LORD OF TRIOS TOURNAMENT ON MONDAY, MARCH 25TH AT THREE MILE ISLAND!!
The Captain sorts around on his table again, and this time holds up a pear. His mouth opens, and he does a double take before snapping it shut again. He tosses the pear over his shoulder.
Captain 80s: THE CAPTAIN DOESN’T EAT PEARS!!
The scene fades.
~
Coming soon on the Piercing Media Network...
An interactive experience in which viewers will be asked to take on the role of website patrons making choices/requests as the story unfolds around a cam girl who suspects her on-screen image is becoming sentient. This sci-fi thriller promises unprecedented immersion for the viewer.
"Rack Mirror"
An interactive experience in which viewers will be asked to take on the role of website patrons making choices/requests as the story unfolds around a cam girl who suspects her on-screen image is becoming sentient. This sci-fi thriller promises unprecedented immersion for the viewer.
"Rack Mirror"
~
Rob Cartwright and Travis are watching the end of Fun With Falcor on a monitor.
Cartwright: See? This is what I was worried about.
Pierce: I don’t see what the problem is.
Cartwright: Of course you don’t.
Pierce: Focus on what matters, Rob. You know where my full attention is? It’s on Monday night, and the Trios tournament.
Cartwright: Fair enough. It really needs to be, considering you’ve put pretty much all your eggs in this basket.
Pierce: Exactly, considering I...wait, what?
Cartwright: Come, on, Travis. You started the year on as high a note as possible, beating Zane Scott to open the Round Robin tournament. You then went on to basically flush the tournament away. Do you realize that if you hadn’t offered to let it count against you when you basically offered yourself up to Angell in a handicap match, if you had instead faced Angie one on one and beaten her, that you’d have been tied with Bordy in the standings and probably had a shot at the World Title this week?
Pierce: I…
Cartwright: Nevermind your performance in the Global Challenge, which you treated more or less like an afterthought.
Pierce: Re-establishing the Network was the focus. And you know what, it’s what YOU have been wanting me to do for a couple years now.
Cartwright: I’m not disagreeing with you. I’m just reminding you. This HAS been my goal, and it’s been your focus, and everything you’ve done so far this year has been building to this. You’ve been able to brush everything aside because your goal was THIS. But this is it now, Travis. It’s time to make everything worthwhile. If you don’t go to Lord of Trios and come away with the victory, then these past few months have just been a waste.
Pierce: They haven’t been wasted, no matter what the outcome. Everything went south for both Jet and myself after we went our separate ways. I can admit that my career floundered for a bit, but his more or less fell into darkness. Especially this past year. What we’re doing, it goes beyond wins and losses, you get that, right? We’re bringing Jet back from the abyss. That’s what matters here. Comradery, loyalty, the things that endure. You know?
Rob just stares at him.
Pierce: Yeah, I want to win too.
~
Coming soon on the Piercing Media Network...
Teenaged singing sensation's life is turned upside down when the post-apocalyptic government rips her from her fellow musicians and places her in the humiliating service of an egomaniacal father of two.
"Bandmate’s Tale"
Teenaged singing sensation's life is turned upside down when the post-apocalyptic government rips her from her fellow musicians and places her in the humiliating service of an egomaniacal father of two.
"Bandmate’s Tale"
~
We see a darkened set, with silhouettes visible of a table. A voiceover is heard from Captain ‘80s.
Captain ‘80s: AHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRST MATES!!! (HASHTAG#) THE CAPTAIN IS THROBBING AND PULSATING WITH UNBRIDLED EXHILARATION TONIGHT!! THERE’S NO CHANCE THE DARKEST SHADOW OF NIGHT CAN FALL OVER THE CAPTAIN’S NOBLE SHOULDERS AGAIN, FOR THE STARSHINE OF A MILLION TRILLION GREAT BALLS OF FIRE HAVE CAST THEIR SOOTHING LIGHT FROM THE SHORES OF TOMORROWLAND!!! YEAAAAAAH!!! THE CAPTAIN WAS GIVEN A GREAT BOON, YOU SEE, AND ALL THE FIRST MATES (HASHTAG#) HAVE BUT ONE MAN TO THANK, FOR THE CLOUDS HAVE PARTED, AND THE GUIDING STAR TOWARD WHICH THE CAPTAIN COULD STEER THE FALCOR’S MIGHTY PROW, IS NONE OTHER THAN THE ICON OF ENTERTAINMENT TRAVIS PIERCE!!! YEAAAH!! WHEN THE PIER--
“You Know My Name” by Chris Cornell begins to play, and the lights come on to show a chair sitting backwards behind the desk. A monitor behind the chair shows the logo for The Piercing Truth. The chair slowly turns around, revealing Travis Pierce.
Pierce: Welcome to the show! I am Travis Pierce, as always your host for the evening. The Piercing Truth is back on the air, and I am excited to finally be joined by my assistant host, The Wild Card, Jet Somers. Welcome back, Opie!
Jet is seated at an extension of the table.
Somers: It feels good to finally be… home, Trav. I really mean that.
Pierce: You’ve got the entire trinity here for you tonight, and we are beyond exciting, it is our genuine and sincere honor to be your source of entertainment. We begin, of course, with top stories!
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: As the season turns and we enter the spring, new competitions arise. In just a few short days, Major League Baseball begins its professional season. A few days ago, actually, if you count the Japan series, which the league does but I wasn’t waking up early to watch. Of course, you don’t have to get up earlier for your fix of competition this week, because on Monday night in prime time, the Unified Global Wrestling Coalition presents the Lord of Trios tournament. Four teams will come, but only one will ride the falcor to victory. Of course, the real headline here is that the moment that everyone has been waiting for is finally here: The Piercing Weapons are back in action. So you tell me, Piercing Truthites, off all the games about to be played, what will be the most important Score?
Travis winks to the camera and shuffles to the next paper in his stack.
Pierce: Well we do intend to stay away from politics, but it’s hard to ignore the obvious top story of the week, that the Mueller report has been completed and submitted. It means that a big battle looms on the horizon, not unlike the real fisticuffs headed our way in a few short days when the well-oiled machine of the Piercing Weapons rides the Falcor into Three Mile Island to take on a slapped together hodgepodge in the opening match of the Lord of Trios tournament. Suffice to say, if Holden Orson and Wrestley McWhatever bother to show up for this one, I’m sure their partner will observe them still being disappointing.
Switch to Camera J, for Jet.
Somers: Taxpayers across the country bristle at the news that Amazon will pay no taxes despite reporting over 11 billion in profits thanks to savvy application of mysterious tax credits. In an unrelated story, Konrad Raab continues to rake in Global Dollars by the fraction with no intent to ever pay for a championship match thanks to some sort of mysterious honor that doesn’t prevent him from poisoning his body with marijuana or give himself bulimia. Er… Sorry, Trav, I’m not that good at these.
Switch back to Travis.
Pierce: Disney formally purchased Fox Entertainment, in what is clearly the biggest takeover since the Piercing Media Network took over the landscape of UGWC all those years ago. In that time, Travis Pierce and Jet Somers proved themselves the dominant cooperative team in history and forevermore, better than Sex and Violence or the Thames Valley Hit Squad, and certainly better than any combination of Hastings and his litany of partners.
Somers: ...victims of circumstance, every one of them…
Pierce: Scandals galore this week as it was revealed that a number of Hollywood wash-ups, most notably Aunt Becky, have been essentially bribing colleges and universities to accept their entitled bratty kids. We haven’t seen a purchase this upsetting since Dave Rydell’s fifteenth attempt to buy a shot at the Cross-Hemisphere Title.
Somers: He won this time.
Pierce: How? Was Klaus the champion again?
Somers: Fear.
Pierce: He must have been trying to catch up to his partners in the disappointment category.
Switch to Camera J.
Somers: Thousands of independent party voters declared themselves for Trump in 2020 this week in a shocking betrayal of their ideologies. Their reasoning is that it’s a bid to keep extreme leftists out of office in the upcoming decade, thereby choosing the lesser of two evils. In other voting news, a recent Instagram poll surveyed thousands of Alan Wallace fans who, when asked to vote for the cutest UGWC World Champion of the last five years, came to a dead heat between Angie Vaughn and Glenn.
Switch back to Travis.
Pierce: (whispering) Hey, not half bad!
Pierce: We’ll be right back to The Piercing Truth with a very special guest, right after this!
~
Coming soon on the Piercing Media Network...
After two years of waiting, fans of the smash adaptation featuring narcissistic deposed monarchs desperately trying to matter after their kingdom was stolen returns for its jaw dropping final season.
"Ashamed Unthroned"
After two years of waiting, fans of the smash adaptation featuring narcissistic deposed monarchs desperately trying to matter after their kingdom was stolen returns for its jaw dropping final season.
"Ashamed Unthroned"
~
We fade back in on Travis sitting at his desk. Jet has moved to the end of the couch adjacent to the desk.
Pierce: Welcome back! Please welcome our guest at this time, he is the current Creative Director of UGWC, the Incorrigible Ichabod!
The 16-bit synthesizer plays “The Rains of Castamere” as Ichabod comes out and takes a seat on the couch.
Somers: What? 16-bits? How the hell…?
Pierce: Welcome to the show!
Ichabod: Where can I ash?
Travis leans behind his desk and produces a tiny fan, which he places on the desk and turns on such that it is blowing back towards Ichabod. Jet scowls.
Pierce: Let’s start with the immediate impact of your tenure as Creative Director. Obviously every person in the position wants to make their mark, change UGWC for the better the way that I did when I was in the role. In one of your first addresses you talked about your intention to take the Coalition to places it had never been, and now Lord of Trios is being broadcast from Three Mile Island, which forty years ago was the site of a nuclear meltdown. You tried to assassinate my partner over there once, are you now trying to kill us all?
Ichabod: Not directly, not at the moment, no. Three Mile Island has been declared safe for over 30 years. Learn your history.
Pierce: For years the Consortium has attempted to discourage members of the group from actively competing, goes back to the corruption of the Moss Edwards era and his various antics. Yet it was YOU that assigned Hastings to replace Sarah Lacklan and team with #ClearConnection in the Lord of Trios tournament, as well as putting him in the match that resulted in him becoming a co-champion. What were you thinking?
Ichabod: Donovan competed for a fair portion of 2018 despite being the Creative Director. I found it entertaining. Besides, since I couldn’t convince him to join the tournament as a father-daughters team, and he’s old enough to have sired Roxy and Kenzi, this is the next best thing.
Pierce: And by “fair portion” you are referring to one match at Horizons and otherwise utilizing a piece of cardboard as a proxy. He’s also in his mid-30s. Always a delight to get confirmation of the flow of truthful honest information from the office of the Creative Director, thank you for continuing to further sully the role I once proudly held, much as everybody that held the position after me and before you also did. Okay, so obviously the Piercing Media Network is the front-runner to win the Lord of Trios tournament this year, Opie over there will be a back-to-back winner, but who do you predict will be the runner up of the tournament?
Ichabod: You’re seriously asking me to make predictions? I make a habit of not doing that. The more unpredictable a result is, the better.
Pierce: Well obviously none of this is predetermined or anything, it’s all unpredictable in it’s own way, but I get what you’re saying. If you told people the Piercing Media Network was going to win they would complain about spoilers, but I already told them that myself! The correct answer was: it doesn’t matter who faces them! Keep up, man!
While Travis is talking, Ichabod gently adjusts the fan. He flicks his ashes into it, and they blow past him back towards where Jet is sitting. Jet scowls and gestures to somebody that is off-stage as he brushes off his shirt..
Pierce: It’s time now for a very popular part of our interview, A Piercing Question From the Fans. Are you ready?
Ichabod: My favorite part...
Travis shuffles through his cards.
Pierce: Why is it called “beauty sleep” when you wake up looking like a troll?
Ichabod: It’s the sleep part that’s beautiful. Waking up is like being vomited out of a loving womb after a nasty fall down a flight of stairs.
Travis shuffles through his cards again.
Pierce: That is quite a visual, I’m sure somebody somewhere appreciated it. Let’s see, another one...if corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
Ichabod: Fetuses vomited out of loving wombs after a nasty fall down a flight of stairs. I’d imagine.
Pierce: Well that’s horrifying and I think we’d like to all immediately forget that you ever said it. In honor of Lord of Trios, let’s make this a trifecta.
Travis shuffles through his cards.
Pierce: If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
Ichabod: Wow, I actually asked Holden this the other day. He explained it perfectly: “It’s because the masses love shitty things, and I learned a long time ago that a number two is shit.”
Ichabod leans to evade the fan and blows out his smoke in Pierce’s face before affecting his trademark shit-eating grin. Travis just glares at him, and Ichabod glances in the other direction.
Ichabod: Wait a-
Captain ‘80s: AHOY!!!!
Captain ‘80s has just sprayed Ichabod in the face with a fire extinguisher.
Pierce: We’ll be right back with more Piercing Truth after this!
~
Coming soon on the Piercing Media Network...
Critics are calling it the most terrifying streaming series available; a father can’t get anything done day after day because he can’t hear himself think over the non-stop screaming of his twin daughters.
"The Hastings of Shrill House"
Critics are calling it the most terrifying streaming series available; a father can’t get anything done day after day because he can’t hear himself think over the non-stop screaming of his twin daughters.
"The Hastings of Shrill House"
~
Cartwright: And now, A Serene Moment With Opie…
Jet: This company has a disturbing lack of real cooperation. Every group that purports to have the strongest of bonds is undercut by the seething voice inside the head of each member, wheedling themselves about whether or not they are the superior member of the team. A thread of white-hot jealousy threatens to burn the stitches that hold together the longest lasting and most randomly thrown together teams. It’s frankly pathetic how the best of friends, the most passionate of lovers, the most trusting of coworkers, have to constantly dial back on their avarice, unable to harmoniously share the spotlight. If you set these partners against one another, either their true dark feelings emerge, or they shy away like cowards.
Roxy Cotton is a coward, insulting someone she claims as a close friend by refusing to pay her the respect of a fair challenge for her championship. Why shouldn’t Angie deserve to face the winner of the Global Challenge? It’s her right by tradition to defend her position of power against the champion of that tournament, and Roxy has robbed her of it. Now, instead, she is forced to face the Chaos Champion and the runner up of the secondary tournament. Roxy has slighted Angie by refusing to fight at Lord of Trios, and tarnished her very first defense. It’s unacceptable.
Kenzi Grey is as false as they come. From her first steps in this company, she has had a chip on her shoulder about proving her own worth, a worth that even she doesn’t feel for herself. It shows in how she grinds her teeth whenever one of her ‘friends’ achieves something she couldn’t. Her thirst for the stage lights of her youth is unquenchable as she rudely thrusts herself into everyone’s business, stretching herself thin by trying to succeed in so many directions that she’s slowly driving herself insane. She’s close to her breaking point, and when she erupts, the first victims will be those standing closest to the explosion.
Donovan Hastings is so terrified of being forgotten that I feel embarrassed for him. The man retired, giving the world some heart-wrenching farce about wanting to spend more time with his daughters. His next move? Taking on one of the busiest roles in the front office. Are you kidding me? And then, get this, he continues to compete. But a Creative Director’s term is only one year, right? We won’t be forced to put up with him for another decade, at the very least. Nope, now he’s the Sports Entertainment Executive, in a move that no one can seem to explain, deposing the venerated Dexter Vines after an exhaustive term of service. And he still continues to compete.
How, exactly, does this allow him to spend more time with his kids? Hastings is so deluded by his own self-importance that he can’t walk away. The thought of anyone at all being successful in UGWC without him having at least a passing involvement is unbearable, and he’s rendered the importance and grandeur of his ‘final match’ completely meaningless. But what’s worse, is for the last two years, he’s been stepping on our territory. Donovan Hastings doesn’t belong in the Cooperative Division, because given half a second to consider the consequences, no one would willingly cooperate with him. I feel bad for Zane Scott that Donovan was able to snow him, but The Lord of Pain plays with his hand showing. He always has. You can’t bluff The Piercing Weapons, and we’ll be taking home the pot at Lord of Trios.
~
Coming soon on the Piercing Media Network...
Famed baked goods lover sets off on an adventure to find a fabled bakery that doesn’t use yeast in their legendary eats.
"The Unleavened Academy"
Famed baked goods lover sets off on an adventure to find a fabled bakery that doesn’t use yeast in their legendary eats.
"The Unleavened Academy"
~
Cartwright: And now, some Shouting with the Captain...
Captain ‘80s: AHOY, FIRST MATES! (HASHTAG#) THE CAPTAIN WANTS TO BRING THE EXCITEMENT DOWN FOR A MOMENT SO HE CAN TALK SERIOUSLY FOR A FEW MOMENTS ABOUT ONE OF THE TEAMS IN THE ANNUAL LORD OF TRIOS TOURNAMENT ON MARCH 25TH AT THREE MILE ISLAND IN DAUPHIN COUNTY!! SO THE CAPTAIN HOPES YOU’LL ALL FORGIVE HIM FOR WHISPERING INSTEAD OF HIS USUAL BOMBASTIC AND GLORIOUS ORATION!! YEAAAH!! THE TEAM OF EGO IS A MIGHTY FORMIDABLE TEAM, CONSISTING OF NONE OTHER THAN A CAMERA-WIELDING MANIAC WHO CALLS HIMSELF THE NATURAL! BORN! KILLER!
NOW THE CAPTAIN HAS ENDED THE CAREERS OF MANY CRIMINALS IN HIS CAREER. AS A HERO OF LOVE AND THE PEOPLE AND MAGIC AND DREAMS, THE CAPTAIN HAS PUT AWAY EVIL RUSSIAN BOXERS WHO KILLED HIS FRIENDS IN THE RING. THE CAPTAIN CAPTURED THE TIME-TRAVELLING RAPIST GAMBLER! HE FOILED THE PLOTS OF HANS GRUBER AND MAMA FRATELLI!! THE CAPTAIN HAS NO PROBLEM PUTTING AWAY A NATURAL BORN KILLER! YEAAAAH!!
THE CAPTAIN IS ALSO EXCITED TO MEET ALAN WALLACE ON THE RING OF BATTLE ONE MORE TIME!! LAST YEAR THE CAPTAIN DEFEATED ALAN WALLACE IN A SHOUTING MATCH FOR THE AGES, BEFORE THE CAPTAIN TRIPPED BACKWARD OUT OF THE RING, THE FORCE OF HIS OWN ORATIONS PROPELLING HIM!!! YEAAH! BUT NOT THIS TIME, OH NO!!! EL CAPITAN WILL OUT-SHOUT THE VAIN ONE ONCE MORE AT LORD OF TRIOS ON MARCH 25TH AT DANNY FISHER MEMORIAL FIELD!! YEAAAAH!!
AND FINALLY, THE CAPTAIN WILL RECEIVE THE REMATCH OF HIS CAREER WHEN HE ONCE AGAIN FACES OFF AGAINST THE ICEMAN KONRAD RAAB!! WHEN LAST WE MET, THE CAPTAIN LET DOWN HIS FIRST MATES (HASHTAG#), BUT THE CAPTAIN COMING BACK FROM DEFEAT IS A NEVERENDING STORY!! THIS TIME, KONRAD RAAB WILL EAT MORE FOOD THAN HE’S EVER CONSUMED, WHEN HE’S FORCED TO CONSUME AN ENTIRE CAPTAIN’S LOG!! YEAAAAAH!!
~
Coming soon on the Piercing Media Network...
A living cartoon character of an everyman stumbles into various unrelated hijinks. Also he’s wearing a luchador mask for some inexplicable reason.
"The Silly Adventures of Sambrino"
A living cartoon character of an everyman stumbles into various unrelated hijinks. Also he’s wearing a luchador mask for some inexplicable reason.
"The Silly Adventures of Sambrino"
~
Cut back to Travis sitting in a comfy chair in front of a full bookshelf, a blanket over his lap and a pipe in his mouth.
Cartwright: And now, A Quiet Moment with Travis…
Pierce: Two Masks, One Phrixus.
Travis blows some bubbles from the pipe.
Pierce: It’s not exactly the kind of joke I’d expect from “The Embodiment of Fear” but I suppose that is the point, isn’t it? Deimos has made a show of trying to go against his scruples and instincts like he is George Costanza trying to turn his life around. Heck, he’s living with Holden Orson of all people, and we all saw how that went down in the Synergy House years ago. Sorry, that was “The Mainstreamer.” Regardless, cats and dogs live together now, up is down and down is up, and what did we get for it? Dave Rydell is the Cross-Hemisphere Champion. Yup, well done on you, Phrixy.
Travis blows some more bubbles.
Pierce: What kind of name is Wrestley McWrestleface? This guy doesn’t even qualify as an indy darling, I’m fairly certain they found him off-putting and odd too. Besides, haven’t we had enough of the white-washing of culture at this point? Here we have a Mexican luchador played by some guy from New Jersey. We haven’t moved past this kind of stuff already? You don’t see Hastings running out declaring himself the Chief Nigga anymore, do you? How did HR not flag this guy? Oh, that’s right, because it’s run by an eye-patched thug with a baseball bat who has maintained the same unpaid intern for ten years.
Travis blows some more bubbles.
Pierce: Which Holden Orson is going to show up at Lord of Trios? No, I don’t mean Holden Orson as opposed to Martin Graber. I mean Holden Orson, or Invisible Holden Orson? You know, the one we often can’t see? Don’t get me wrong, Holden has all the tools to be fantastic. I think there are plenty of people that are surprised that he isn’t already a former World Champion, but perhaps it’s because he considers actually winning the big one to be just a little too mainstream.
Travis blows some more bubbles, before tossing the pipe away and sitting forward.
Pierce: Here’s the piercing truth of it all, that this patchwork team the three of you have put together just isn’t going to get it done. Not against the most legendary organization in this business.
Jet walks into view and stands alongside Travis, complete with his serious face. Captain ‘80s enters from the other side and stands behind them, breathing heavily.
Pierce: We’re going to run through you, and it doesn’t matter which team advances to face us in the finals, we’re going to run through them too. The Piercing Media Network is the premiere trios team just as The Piercing Weapons have been the icons of the cooperative division for years. We are taking back control of UGWC, that’s not a threat, it’s just the truth...and it’s not our fault that the truth...hurts.
Captain ‘80s: YEAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!
~
Coming soon on the Piercing Media Network...
After their classmate takes her own life, several teenagers explore her handwritten journals to discover she was plagued by every phobia known to psychology. As they continue to unlock her psyche, their realizations are played out as a series of illuminating flashbacks.
"613 Reasons Why (She was Afraid)"
After their classmate takes her own life, several teenagers explore her handwritten journals to discover she was plagued by every phobia known to psychology. As they continue to unlock her psyche, their realizations are played out as a series of illuminating flashbacks.
"613 Reasons Why (She was Afraid)"