Sentinel 13/09/08 RESULTS

[Lord Hastings]

[insert inane babbling to open the show here]

Hanson: Hey, I don’t babble!

Vinegar: Just shut it. We’ve got a squash match to get to!

Hanson: Wouldn’t that have been covered in the intro?

Vinegar: Nah, that was probably because we had to censor your vulgeratiy during the opening.

Hanson: And not because P is really la -

The lights dim, and Divine by Korn starts playing over the PA. A single spotlight focuses on the entrance, and Dredd appears from backstage. Pyro goes over in a row from the top of the ramp to the ring. The lights slowly raise as Dredd walks to the ring, ignoring the crowd as he goes. The crowd boos as he steps between the ropes, and into the ring.

Dennis: This bout is set for one fall. Introducing first, from Deep Ellum, Texas, weighing 385 pounds, this is, The Monster...... DREDD!!!!

Dredd stands in the middle of the ring, soaking in the boos.

Suddenly.....

Shh, be quiet, you might piss somebody off
Like me motherf**ker,
You've been at it for too long
While you feed off others insecurities
You stand in front of me and bite the hand that feeds

Hanson: And here comes Mickey Dragon, this is a good young kid who has a future here in GIW.

Vinegar: Well, if that future includes 50 consecutive losses due to his attitude, I agree. And there we go, he's in the ring, lets get this under way. Referee Owen Peterson rings the bell.

Hanson: WAIT, PETERSON IS REFFING??!?!?

Vinegar: Oh Jesus, will you stop?

Hanson: I can't stop when we got a racist referee who's holding down our white talent.

Vinegar:.......... you know what, whatever. And we have a collar and elbow tie up, Dredd slowly pushing Dragon towards the corner, he stops, and wow, Dredd violently pushes Dragon into the corner, and now he's bringing down a rain of fists on Dragon, Peterson is counting, now he's pulling Dredd off, and this might get ugly.

Hanson: That proves it, he's trying to hold Dredd down now!!!!

Vinegar: WILL YOU STOP!!!?!?! Anyway, Dredd sending Dragon into the corner with an Irish whip, and oh man, Dragon bounces off of that turnbuckle, and he looks like he's hurt.

Hanson: And Dredd isn't slowing down, he already has Dragon back up, and this time, he puts him onto his shoulders.

Vinegar: And Dredd with a cradle shock on Dragon, I call gimmick infringement there.

Hanson: Oh, shut up. Dredd with the cover:

One....

Two....

Thr-

Vinegar: And there's a kickout by Dragon, he's not done yet. Dredd doesn't even look frustrated, he just stands up and pulls Dragon up with him. He pulls him towards the turnbuckle, sits him on the top, and now he has Dragon in..... oh my god, is he gonna piledrive Dragon from the top??

Hanson: Yes he is, AND BAM, THATS CALLED THE MOTHERFUCKING CONCRETE PILEDRIVER!!! COVER,

ONE....

TWO....

THREE!!!!

Ding, Ding, Ding!

Vinegar: And there we have it, Dredd defeats Mickey Dragon, we have a monster on our hands, this guy is a future star in this company if he keeps this up. And look, the guy is merely looking down at Dragon and shaking his head in pity. This guy seems to have yet to face anyone of real competition. Or perhaps he’s just that good!

[Lord Hastings]

Cyanide Sweet Tooth starts to play and the lights drop to red and white strobing. Chassie Fear walks out to the top of the ramp and makes her way down, breaking into a run and flipping over the top tope into the ring.

Dennis: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is a women’s tag team match. In the ring, The Dark Rose, Chassie Feeeeear!

Chassie jumps down from where she’d been stood on the turnbuckle and starts to stretch as her music fades out, being replaced by Warrior Code. Chinatsu Chen makes her way down to the ring, throwing up V signs.

Vinegar: Listen to the ovation for Chinatsu Chen from these fans.

Hanson: Of course, how could you not be happy to see her?

Dennis: And her tag team partner. From Kyoto Japan. Chinatsuuuuuu Cheeeen!

Chen slides in and bows her head slightly to Chass although she doesn’t get much of a response. Fake it starts to play and Christina Adams and Dylan James make their way down the ramp.

Dennis: And the opponents, accompanied to the ring by Dylan James, from Chicago Illinois, Christinaaaaa Adaaaaaams!

Christina climbs into the ring while Dylan waits outside. She shoots her opponents a look and climbs up the nearest turnbuckle to taunt the fans before her music too fades out, Envy kicks in to a mixed reaction from the crowd. Gabrielle walks out to the top of the ramp and poses with the title belt around her waist.

Dennis: And her partner, from Auckland, New Zealand, your GIW Women’s Champion! Gabriellllllle!

Gabrielle saunters down to the ring and climbs up the steps and through the bottom ropes, taking the belt off and putting it down under the turnbuckle.

Vinegar: And it looks like we’re about ready to kick this one off. Looks like Chassie Fear wants to start this one against Gabrielle. They lock up in the middle of the ring.

Hanson: Whoo cat fight!

Vinegar: I don’t think that’s giving the women of this company anywhere near the respect they deserve and I think you know it. Chassie opening up with the left hands to the face and backs her into the corner.

Hanson: Mind the caramel! Dammit!

Vinegar: Shhh, Chen might hear you.

Hanson: Oh shi -

Vinegar: She’s still throwing haymakers and referee Hazel East steps in to separate the two of them. Doesn’t last long as Chass goes straight back in with those knife edge chops.

Hanson: Eye gauge by Gabrielle and she takes the time to make the tag.

Vinegar: She ran like a scolded dog and that brings Adams in for the first time. Lock up again and Adams takes advantage with the side headlock.

Hanson: Good strategy, grind her down.

Vinegar: Wow, for once you said strategy and I actually agree with you. Doesn’t look like it’s going to last though as Chassie hit’s a stiff elbow to the gut and flips herself back off the back of Adams’s head and hit’s a back suplex.

Hanson: Not bad…Fear’s got her back to her feet and whips her against the ropes. Clothesline on the rebound, straight into a leg drop.

Vinegar: Tables have quickly turned and Fear’s got The Duchess of Hardcore back on her feet and takes her over to her corner to get the tag to Chinatsu Chen.

Hanson: Yeah! Go Chen!

Vinegar: Irish whip by Chen, followed up with an arm drag and she keeps hold of it for that armbar style submission.

Hanson: Quick kip up by Adams though and she turns it around into an arm wrench on Chen. Oh no.

Vinegar: Certainly an impressive display of agility. Front handspring escape by Chinatsu Chen though and straight into a double leg takedown. Looks like she’s going for a figure four but Adams manages to fight her off.

Hanson: Both of them back up now but Chenny takes her back down with a headlock takedown.

Vinegar: Headscissor counter by Adams. Chen manages to break out though, springs to her feet and straight into a standing moonsault. Cover.

1!

Vinegar: Kick out by Christina Adams. Chen goes and makes the tag and Chassie Fear’s back in.

Hanson: Aww…

Vinegar: Oh stop being so pathetic. Irish whip to the turnbuckle and a shining wizard into the corner from Chassie Fear. Looks like Adams is on dream street from that shot, but Chass just threw her back to her own corner.

Hanson: She’s goading Gabrielle to tag herself in.

Vinegar: The champion does so, if a little tentatively. Clothesline attempt by Fear, ducked by Gabrielle and dropkicks her into the ropes. Now she’s using the ropes to choke her. The referee rightly stepping in to break the hold.

Hanson: She holds it for the four count though. Then flings her across the ring with that hair pull snapmare. Think Chassie Fear is still happy she made Gabrielle tag in?

Vinegar: I’d bet on it partner. Gabrielle following up with those stomps and drives Fear back low in the corner. Another choke, that foot across her throat now. Another 4 count and Hazel East breaks it up.

Hanson: Chass bursts out of the corner, go behind, looks like she’s aiming for the German suplex. Beautiful counter by Gabrielle though and she lands on her feet.

Vinegar: PELE! PELE! PELE! That came out of nowhere!

Hanson: You know, you sounded disturbingly like Don West there.

Vinegar: Really? Creepy. Gabrielle’s down though and The Dark Rose is looking for a tag.

Hanson: Tag to Chen!

Vinegar: And a tag to Christina Adams by Gabrielle. Running clothesline by Chen and another as Adams tries to get to her feet. She’s up again, Spinning Wheel Kick! Chen goes for the cover.

1!

2!

Vinegar: Kick out but that was a close one. Chen’s got her up again, Irish whip and a beautifully executed calf kick on the rebound.

Hanson: I think she’s going to finish it here. Vertical suplex---DOWN! DOWN!

Vinegar: Now who sounds like Don West?

Hanson: Shut up.

Vinegar: Watch Chassie Fear she’s jumped off the apron and it running around the ring as Chen holds for the cover.

1!

Vinegar: Gabrielle’s trying to get in for the save…

2!

Vinegar: But Chass has got her foot and pulled her out of the ring.

3!

Dennis: Here are your winners, Chassie Fear and Chinastuuuuu Cheeeeeen!

Hanson: What a match!

Vinegar: Chassie Fear is raining down right hands on Gabrielle against the crowd barriers. Christina Adams still hasn’t got up from that power bomb.

Hanson: Chen and East have had to drag Fear of the Women’s Champion.

Vinegar: I think that was a little revenge for that cheap win last week. This must have tasted especially sweet for these two, especially going into Battleground next week. Next up tonight though, stay with us here at GIW as Ezekiel Pax goes head to head with newcomer Jason Killer.

[Lord Hastings]

Dennis: You know how it goes. You waste a bunch of time writing the entrances and no one reads them anyway. Let’s just get on with this shit!

Hanson: I like his style! Jason Killer and Ezekiel Pax are in the ring and we’re ready to go!

Vinegar: And Killer making his GIW debut here, as both men lock up. Peace whips Killer to the ropes and connects with a belly-to-belly suplex on the return! Killer outweighs Peace by about 35 pounds, but that isn’t stopping the more lucid half of War & Peace taking it to the debuting star. Killer back up, but Peace with a stiff kick to the chest forces him into the corner.

Hanson: But none of these guys are particularly big, Nick, no homo. I expect some fast paced action from these two.

Vinegar: And you get your wish, as peace sprints towards the opposite ropes and comes back with a GIANT body splash into the corner. Peace twisting his body in midair there. That was very impressive.

Hanson: But he’s not giving Killer a chance to rest. He whips the new guy to the ropes and hit’s a dropkick on the return!

Vinegar: NO! Killer runs right under the dropkick and Peace goes crashing to the mat. But he’s quick back up, ONLY TO EAT A SUPERKICK!!!

Hanson: Damn, Killer is the bigger of these two, but he’s damn fast as well. Now he’s going up top. What’s he got planned?!

Vinegar: A SPINNING WHEEL KICK FROM THE TOP ROPE, TURNS PEACE INSIDE POUT, THE INSTANT HE HAD GOTTEN BACK TO HIS FEET!

Hanson: Nice! He’s looking for the cover already!

Vinegar: ONE! TWO! T - PEACE KICKS OUT! It’s gonna take more than that to keep this young man down! Now Killer looking for a jumping double knee drop, but Peace rolls to safety. He’s back up and hit’s a stiff knee into Killer’s abdomen. Now he hit’s a suplex on the rookie with perfect execution! Now he’s leaping onto the second rope and looking for a moonsault!!

Hanson: Killer is able to evade and scramble back to his feet. Now jumping onto the second rope and looking for a moonsault of his own!

Vinegar: Peace also rolls to safety and climbs back up. Both men back on their feet now and lock up. Killer gains the advantage and looks for a swinging neck breaker! He hits it and is now going to the top rope. HE CONNECTS WITH A MOONSAULT AND MAKES THE PIN!!! ONE! TWO! THR - KICKOUT BY PEACE!! Killer still needs to do more damage.

Hanson: And he just might do it! HE’S CALLING FOR THE SILENCER!!

Vinegar: AND KILLER LEAPS FROM THE TOP ROPE WITH THAT INCREDIBLE LEG DROP!!! NO!!! PEACE SPRINGS BACK UP, WHILE KILLER IS IN MIDAIR AND CONNECTS WITH KICKING IT OLD SCHOOL!!! KILLER WAS BLASTED IN MIDAIR AND P[EACE MAKES THE COVER!!! ONE!!! TWO!!!! THREE!!!! HE’S DONE IT!!!! PAX PICKS UP THE WIN HERE TONIGHT!!!!

Hanson: Aww man, how come Dredd can beat the hell out of everyone he faces, but Killer loses in his very first match?

Vinegar: Because Killer isn’t facing jobbers. Plus Dredd is over seven foot tall. It’s hard to mess with a guy like him. But now War is in the ring and celebrating with his tag team partner.

Hanson: HA! But here come Killer and Gaffney from behind! A double punch to the back of both War and Peace’s skulls! Guess they’re not happy with how this match when down. I have to say that I agree entirely with them.

Vinegar: They’re just sore losers. A trait I’m sure you can relate to, Dan. But here comes Noah Wilde down the ramp! He’s the manager of Explosive Impact. Thankfully he’s telling that pair of thugs to back off! I’m relieved.

Hanson: Pffft, he’s even letting Peace get back to his feet. I’m disappointed!

Vinegar: Wilde taking the high road here and - NO!!! HE JUST BOOTED PAX RIGHT IN THE FACE!!!

Hanson: HAHA! Just what I was hoping for. And now The Supernova and Killer are pulling War up. Things are getting dicey for Daisuke! You like that one? Been working on it for weeks.

Vinegar: DAMMIT! WILDE CHARGES AND BLASTS WAR WITH THAT DEADLY BOOT AS WELL! THIS IS NOTHING, BUT A MUGGING!!! BUT GOD DAMN, HE STILL ISN’T DONE! HE’S READYING PEACE FOR THAT WILDE BOMB!

Hanson: Ha! This is wildly awesome! WHAT?!?!

Vinegar: XAVIER BRYAN IS IN THE RING WITH A STEEL CHAIR NOW!!! HE’S NOT GONNA LET THIS GO ON ANY LONGER! AND LOOK AT WILDE, GAFFNEY AND KILLER DARTING OUT OF THE RING STRAIGHT AWAY! THEY’RE NOT SO TOUGH WHEN THE ODDS ARE EVEN!!!

Hanson: And look at that stare down between Bryan and Wilde. Intense, man. It’s like Kill Bill levels of intense!

Vinegar: But now Bryan turning back to his students. And he’s helping them up! This is good to see.

Hanson: And Pax just mouthed something to his sugar daddy. I think it was something about liking diamonds!

Vinegar: He said he’s sorry, you ignoramus! But how’s Bryan gonna react? The two men are embracing! And listen to these fans! This is want they want to see!

Hanson: Meh.

Vinegar: Now all three men are leaving the ring together. It seems they’re ready to stand united against Explosive Impact! And mark my words, these two teams haven’t seen the last of each other!

OOC: Sorry about the shortness. Andy had a nutmeg OD and didn’t deliver the goods, so I had to whip this up while half drunk. Hope y’all don’t hate me too much!

[Lord Hastings]

Dennis: Ladies and Gentlemen, the next match is a triple threat tag team encounter!

“Immortal” hits the stadium PA and the fans greet it with a chorus of boos as Donovan Hastings appears under the Globatron, and rather than stop and strike his usual pose he makes a dedicated bee line directly to the ring, and tonight’s referee, Owen Peterson.

Dennis: Introducing first, hailing from Hartford, Connecticut….DOOOONOVAAAAN HAAAASTINGS!

Vinegar: Was it a wise decision to have Hastings come out first? It leaves him alone with Peterson…

Hanson: in which case I think it’s a fantastic idea, he’ll be able to set things straight with that dirty rotten cheat.

Vinegar: He’s in the ring and already in Petersons face, already shouting at the official, this is disgraceful! How is Peterson meant to garner respect from the other guys when Hastings goes out of his way each and every week to humiliate him!

Hanson: I’m literally speechless at your obvious bias nature. Peterson has been screwing Hastings on Live TV week in week out for months now…

Vinegar: Please! Hastings smashed him over the head with a chair last week! He should have been suspended for that…he certainly shouldn’t be in another Peterson officiated match…

Hanson: I agree with you on that one, that way Peterson’s prejudices would not continue to hold Donovan Hastings back…

“Diamond in the Rough” hits the speakers and the boos intensify a little more, as ‘Diamond Jack’ Severino appears on the stage and begins making his way to the ring…

Dennis: And his Partner, from Perth, Western Australia…”Diamond” JAAAAACK SEEEEVERINOOOO!

Vinegar: Although this is a preview for the Battleground match, I think this guy has one man in his sights tonight, Chris Austin.

Hanson: Are you crazy? DJS doesn’t need to worry about Austin, he’ll wanna get one over on Randy Boolzian…

Vinegar: I get the feeling Jack will have taken Austin’s recent advances towards Gabby as more insulting than anything BoolZ has said…

Hanson: Severino isn’t worried about that! Gabrielle is a classy girl, not like the ropey old whores Austin screws each week…

Vinegar: You’d give your right arm to spend ten minutes with one of those ‘ropey old whores’.

Hanson: Not my right…how would I do justice to remembering those glorious moments?

“Teahouse” hits and Alex Kiseragi appears on stage. The Dragon completes his customary kicks and then heads to the ring, accompanied by cheers.

Dennis: introducing next, from San Francisco, California…ALEEEEEX KIISERAAAAAAGIIIII!!!

Vinegar: We saw a different side to Alex Kiseragi this week, it wasn’t the mild mannered young professional we’ve gotten used to…there was more of an edge…

Hanson: He’s gonna need an edge if he wants to come through the Battleground match next week…

Vinegar: That’s true, but I get the feeling he put a large target on his back, he didn’t pull any punches…

Hanson: Why should he? He’s been here long enough, he knows it’s time to get noticed and make a name for himself….and Battleground is the perfect opportunity to do such a thing…

“Kickstart My Heart” hits the PA, and the crowd erupts as Brandon Brown appears on the stage, looks around at the crowd, throws a few poses, and then makes his way to the ring.

Dennis: And his opponent from Albion, Alabama….BRAAAAAANDOOON BROOOOOOOOWN!!!

Vinegar: And Battleground is also the perfect opportunity for this man to start his journey back to the Global Heavyweight Championship for a third time…

Hanson: If he keeps his sanity for long enough, who knows where Brandon Brown will be once Horizons comes around…he’s forever jetting off around the world, who to say he won’t end up dead at the foot of Mount Everest?

Vinegar: A fair point.

“Fucking In the Bushes” hits and Chris Austin steps out on stage to the delight of the fans. He then turns and the music warps into a mix with “Wonder Whats Next?” and Randy Boolzian steps out accompanied by thunderous cheers from the crowd. The two men slap hands, look towards their opponents, exchange grins and make their ways down to the ring…

Dennis: And their opponents….CHRIIIIIIIIS AUUUUSTIIIIIIN And RAAAAAAAAAAAANDY BOOOOOOOOLZIAN!!!!!

Vinegar: Listen to the crowd, they love seeing these gusy together, and even more so now that Austin has reverted to his previous way’s…

Hanson: Yeah, I’m personally thrilled about it, I can’t get enough of seeing Austin’s wang on TV every week…

Vinegar: That explains a lot…

Hanson: I was being sarcastic you son of a bi…

Vinegar: There is more to Chris Austin than public indecency…

Hanson: Like what?

Vinegar: Ummmm….

Hanson: See…

Vinegar: No…gimme a second…

Hanson: Times up they are in the ring…

Vinegar: And it’s gonna be Hastings, Brown and Austin to start this one…the bell rings and we are underway. And Hastings seems to have ignored the bell, and is still focused on Owen Peterson…and Austin takes advantage and hits him with a quick german Supklex…on for Brandon Brown to launch himself at him and hit the ‘Shaman of Sex’ with a spinning DDT, and now the Two-Time Global heavyweight Champion is the only man on his feet…and he’s laughing at his opponents…

Hanson: You sure? The Global Heavyweight Title may have just told an exceptionally funny joke…anyway Donovan Hastings is up and wipes the smile off Brandon’s face with a bicycle kick, that sends Brandon back into the croner, where Jack Severino awaits the tag, which is forthcoming…

Vinegar: And now The Diamond One and Lord Hastings are working over Brandon Brown with a series of kicks, until Owen Peterson grabs hold of Hastings and ushers him out of the ring…but Hastings takes exception to Peterson putting his hands on him and shoves him to the canvas…This is exactly why he shouldn’t be in the same ring with Peterson…

Hanson: Stop whining like a spoilt child…Hastings got out of the ring, he abserved the rules, Peterson didn’t need to put his hands on Hastings…

Vinegar: Meanwhile back in the ring Austin has come to Brandon Browns aid and has whipped DJS into the opposite turnbuckle…and he dives and hits him with a spear/gore whatever it’s called nowadays…but as he rises and turns he meets the sole of a Brandon brown Big Boot, and collapses to the floor…Kiseragi is calling for the tag, but Brandon just waves him away and picks Austin up…and executes a fine vertical suplex…and now strikes a pose…

Hanson: Only for DJS to comes from behind and force his face into the mat using an old school bulldog. Kiseragi doesn’t look too happy…

Vinegar: Austin is going for his corner, but ‘Diamond’ Jack gets to him first and locks up with the ‘King of Kama Sutra’, and hits him with a knee to the gut…and then grabs him…Sidewalk Slam! He takes Austin down…

Hanson: And Brandon has made it to his corner and tagged in Kiseragi, who has a few words for the Two Time Global Heavyweight Champion, DJS turns, and Alex leaps into a dropkick hitting the ‘Diamond in the Rough’ square in the jaw, sending him staggering backwards, The Dragon follows up with a flying forearm that sends Severino to the Canvas…

Vinegar: meanwhile Austin makes the Tag to BoolZ who charges into the ring and swings a clothesline at The Dragon, who ducks, turns and hits BoolZ with a Huricanrana, and introduces him to this match up in a brutal fashion…he then tuirns to Brown, and indicates that’s how you keep your opponents down…

Hanson: Only for Hastings to roll him up….

1…

2…


Vinegar: no the Dragon has enough about him to compose himself and kick out, now all three men are back on their feet, and it seems a fist fight has just broken out, Liseragi strikes DJS, who in turns strikes BoolZ who then strikes Kiseragi…and now all three men are just brawling rather untidily in the middle of the ring….

Hanson: just imagine, if this was Vinny Macs promotion…THIS…would be the highlight of the evening…

Vinegar: thankfully we generally refrain from talentless garbage…but right now tensions have got to such a point before Battleground that this was almost inevitable…but BoolZ takes control of situations by ducking a Kiseragi swing, and then hitting the Dragon with an Atomic Drop, and then turns to DJS, hits him with a forearm…then hits a modified Tazplex…he then lifts Kiseragi to his feet, and whips him into the corner where Austin stands…he then runs at Kiseragi…NOFLYZONE!!! BoolZ hits the move, and also tags in Austin, BoolZ rolls from the ring as Kiseragi slumps to the floor…Austin to the top rope…LEGDROP!

Hanson: NO! Kiseragi rolls out of the way…and DJS has tagged Hastings in…who takes the opportunity to drop a knee onto Austins throat, and then starts to choke the ‘Shaman of Sex’ out…

Vinegar: And Peterson is telling him that’s long enough…and once again Hastings shoves him to the ground…it’s an utter disgrace…

Hanson: I know! You’d have thought Peterson would respect Hastings boundaries by now…

Vinegar: Whatever…’The Dragon’ has made his way to his corner, and goes for the tag…but Brown pulls his hand away…laughs…then makes the tag, whilst looking down at Alex Kiseragi and letting out a laugh…he then goes over to Hastings and throws him over the top rope to the arena floor and then pulls Austin to his feet…and takes him down with a standing clothesline…and then pulls him up by his hair…and heaves him over his shoulders…DEATH VALLEY DRIVER!!! And the cover…

1…

2….

Hanson: No! Randy Boolzian enters the ring to break the count, and now Diamond Jack has got involved, hitting the Red Bull Icon with a belly to belly suplex…but BoolZ twists and flips midair and lands on his feet, and now both men are brawling yet again…

Vinegar: And Owen Peterson is trying to separate them to no avail…

Hanson: And Brown is stomping away on Austin…but doesn’t see Donovan Hastings climb into the ring…he spins Brandon round…kick to the midsection…DESTINY’S CALL!!!! And he covers…

Vinegar: But Peterson is finally getting the BoolZ/DJS situation sorted out and is ordering them to their corners…

Hanson: he should be making the damn count! He’s neglecting his duties again…and Hastings is slamming his hand to the matt…and now he’s stood up…walked over to Peterson, and spins him around by the shoulder and points at Brown on the floor and slaps his hands three times to signify he just won the match….

Vinegar: And Peterson is trying to calmly explain to Hastings that he was merely doing his job…and Hastings shoves him again…and Peterson has had enough and he pushes Hastings back!

Hanson: How dare he!!! Hastings looks justifiably furious…and he kicks Peterson in the stomach and then grabs him and drags him to the turnbuckle and begins to climb…

Vinegar: Oh god no! he’s not gonna do what I think he’s gonna do…

Hanson: INEVITABILITY!!! Peterson has had that coming, GO HASTINGS!!!

Vinegar: That is taking it too far…whats he doing now…he’s climbed out of the ring…

Hanson: He realised he hasn’t got a chance in hell of winning a match that Peterson is reffing, and it looks like he’s calling it a night…smart move, conserve his energy for Battleground…

Vinegar: Leaving his partner on his own against four other guys…

Hanson: next week that guys one of his opponents…I can’t think of a smarter move…

Vinegar: Well all hell has broken out in the ring, with Peterson down, DJS and BoolZ have continued their fight, and BoolZ now has DJS in the corner, and is setting him up for a top rope manoeuvre…

Hanson: And Brown and Kiseragi finally seem to be on the same page as they hit simultaneous dropkicks on Chris Austin…but Austin gets straight back up….double clothsline he takes down both men in one swoop…

Vinegar: Meanwhile DJS has blocked BoolZ move attempt and now both men are perched on the top rope, slugging it out…and BoolZ slips…and Severino takes advantage of this…TOP ROPE SUPLEX TO THE OUTSIDE!!! My god, DJS just did himself considerable injury with that move…Peterson is back on his feet, he looks around at the chaos…considers trying to regain order…but I think he’s just gonna let this one play out…

Hanson: Because he’s useless…

Vinegar: Regardless of your thoughts…Austin is now going to work on Kiseragi, and hits him with a gut wrench suplex…and then turns to a rising Brandon brown and hits him with a spinning heel kick….he’s gotta be quick, with BoolZ and DJS out on the outside this has nearly become a handicap match…

Hanson: Every match Austin is part of is a handicap match, Austin and his Ego vs his opponent…

Vinegar: I think Peterson is concussed, he’s leaning against the ropes looking uneasy…

Hanson: he just took Inevitability, how would you feel…

Vinegar: True…Now Austin swings at brown…but Brown Dodges and kicks him in the gut, and hits him with a modified Rock bottom…and now Bandon is in the corner…looks like he’s waiting for Austin to get up…for that Superkick…and Austin climbing to his feet…

Hanson: And Kiseragi from the other corner comes charging…YARI KICK!!! My god look at the power, and Chris Austin fly’s back into the turnbuckle…smacking his head against the iron piost and slumping to the ground…

Vinegar: And Brown is outraged…he squares up the Kiseragi…he was gonna finish Austin, he’s telling him he was two Time Global Heavyweight Champion…and who does Kiseragi think he is trying to steal the win from Brandon Brown…Kiseragi merely smiles….but doesn’t anticipate the Superkick that comes swiftly at him sending him to the ground….

Hanson: But BoolZ is back in the ring…kicks Brandon’s Gut…DISCOMBOOLZALATOR!!! And he goes for the cover…

Vinegar: on Austin!?!?!?

1…

2…

Vinegar: At the last minute BoolZ realises his mistake, and quickly jumps off of Chris Austin…and covers Alex Kiseragi instead…

1…

2….

3….

Dennis: Here are your winners…CHRIIIIS AUUUUUUSTIIIIIIIN AND RAAAAANDY BOOOOOLZIAN!!!

Vinegar: That was a really interesting preview for Battleground, and BoolZ and Austin pick up the win…

Hanson: But BooLZ showed that next week, those guys will not be a team, he’s gonna take any opportunity to win that match…

Vinegar: I think every man in that ring will too….Battleground is going to be a hell of a contest…make sure you all tune in next week…

[Lord Hastings]

Music would start up, plays for about 30 seconds and when drums hit in Travis appears through the curtain. His arms will be spread out as if expecting a hero’s welcome, but of course no-one knows who he is. Not put off by any weak reactions, shrugs his shoulders, and looks around as if to say “I was born to do this, and you’ll all know it soon enough”.

Dennis: And now the main event, bitches. I’d introduce this guy, but his copied and pasted entrance says that I don’t know who he is. Damn, I’m probably gonna get fired. Then who will urinate in Austin’s gym bag after every show?

As he struts down to the ring, he nods and smiles in a fairly patronising way at the crowd. But will generally stop in the vicinity of an attractive women and begin to talk to her, after a while he’ll remember what he’s supposed to be doing, and slip the girl his number, and almost begrudgingly head to the ring.

Hanson: …

Vinegar: Hey, The Crimson Ghost is here!

The lights black out, then strobe with a red tint at roughly 4 beats per second. Then the chorus to Crimson Ghost kicks in-NEVER GONNA CATCH ME NEVER GONNA CATCH ME NEVER GONNA CATCH ME I'M THE CRIMSON GHOOOST!!!-, and Crimson Ghost runs out, running down the ramp and completely around the ring, highfiving everyone on the way and bothering the announcers somehow(wet willy to Hanson, noogies to Vinegar, whatever he feels like) before sliding back in to face his opponent. Oh yeah and Komosube is there too.

Dennis: And the opponent, being accompanied by the GLOBAL HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, KOMOSUBE, weighing 224 pounds… THE CRIMSON GHOST!

Hanson: These copied and pasted entrances are making me feel violated.

Vinegar: Oh well, at least he didn’t molest you with his actual willy.

Hanson: We call it a ‘doodle’ in GIW.

Vinegar: …

Hanson: Hey, the bell just rang!

Vinegar: Roberts and Ghost lock up. About the same height and weight are these two and now Roberts whips Crimson to the ropes. Hit’s a stiff elbow on the rebound and takes down Ghost. Ghost quick back up, ducks a clothesline and looks for a German suplex! Roberts counters with another elbow to the face and Ghost is sent reeling to the ropes. Roberts follows up with a big boot right to the head and Ghost goes tumbling right out of the ring now.

Hanson: And look at that fat, titty wielding douche bag Champion of ours. He’s already waddling towards Ghost to back him up. Dude is so fat he can’t even walk!

Vinegar: Or it could be because he’s injured… and I don’t see any problem assisting Ghost on the outside. The match is meant to take place in the ring anyway and Lord knows Roberts would use any weapon he could outside it.

Hanson: Are you actually suggesting Roberts needs to cheat to mop the floor with this masked paedophile? Lawlz.

Vinegar: Well Ghost is back in the ring now and Roberts punches him right in the face. Ghost sent tumbling into the corner. Now Roberts on the attack, but Ghost grabs the top ropes on either side, launches himself into the air and smashes both feet into Roberts’ face! The Blessed One eating the canvas and Ghost going up top. He comes back down with a body splash! NO! The Headliner rolls out of the way and evades.

Hanson: Now Ghost is back where he belongs. INSIDE A WRESTLING RING!!!

Vinegar: Was that supposed to be an insult?

Hanson: Urgh… YO MOMMA’S AN INSULT!!!

Vinegar: God dang… now Roberts pulling Crimson up and applying a front face lock. He’s obviously trying to soften up Ghost’s skull for the White Out. WAIT! Ghost scrambles free and takes Roberts down with a sit out jaw breaker! Roberts send stumbling but not taken off his feet.

Hanson: Yeh, Crimson Ghost can’t knock The Blessed One d - ARGH!

Vinegar: Ghost with a MASSIVE side slam and that will put Roberts down! Now The Crimson Ghost charging to the corner! He leaps to the top ropes AND CONNECTS WITH A GIANT LEG DROP!!! AND NOW GHOST WITH THEW COVER!!! ONE! TW - NO!! ROBERTS STILL HAS P[LENTY OF ENERGY LEFT TO KICKOUT!!

Hanson: And he’s trying to get up, but Ghost won’t give him the chance! The Power Ranger reject with a dropkick to The Headliner’s knees plants Travis back down! This isn’t right!

Vinegar: YO MOMMA ISN’T RIGHT!!! Now Ghost going to the corner once more. BUT ROBERTS PUSHES GLENN BURKE INTO THE ROPES!!! GHOST LOSES HIS BALANCE AND COMES CRASHING DOWN TO THE OUTSIDE AND RIGHT THROUGH OUR ANNOUNCE TABLE!!!!!

Hanson: What the fuck? How’d he make it all the way to our announce table?! That’s a long way to fall…

Vinegar: Dammit man, who cares?! Can’t you see Ghost is hurt?!

Hanson: Seriously, that shit defies common sense.

Marlo: Wrong! I defy common sense!! With my ultimate doomsday device that makes people float for some reason! Now everyone will want to feud with me! AHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Hanson: What?! Now one of Ghost’s child molesting friends is standing up in the rafters, like some kind of lame TNA star. What the fuck is happening here?!

Vinegar: I honestly don’t wanna know. Let’s just ignore the baby raper and get back to the match. I never thought I would be glad to see Roberts kicking the stuffing out of a defenceless Crimson Ghost, but anything is better than listening to that animated guy rambling.

Marlo: Hey! I still don’t have a feu - ARGH!!!!!

Vinegar: That guy just lost his footing and went plummeting into a conveniently stacked group of tables! Now that’s hardcore! But back to the match and Roberts has rolled Ghost back into the ring. He’s now taunting Komosube, acting as if that Global belt were around his waist. Very convenient that he does that after getting back into the ring and out of Komo’s reach…

Hanson: He just doesn’t Komo to intefere and get Ghost disqualified. That’ll just give Komo something else to shout incoherently about. Nah, Roberts wants to win this thing definitively! And I know that he’s gonn - ARGH!!!

Vinegar: ROBERTS SPENDING TOO MUCH TIME TAUNTING AND GHOST WITH A SCHOOL BOY ROLL UP FROM BEHIND!!! ONE!!! TWO!!! THRE - ROBERTS BARELY KICKS OUT!!!

Hanson: And that one woke Roberts up! He’s on the attack and knocks the hell out of Ghost with a clothesline!!

Vinegar: Ghost trying to get back up, but he’s lost a step or three after going through our table and can’t keep up with The Blessed One! Roberts with a DDT plants Ghost. AND NOW HE’S TRYING TO RIP HIS MASK OFF!!!!

Hanson: COME ON, ROBERTS! SHOW THE WORLD THAT GHOST IS ACTUALLY RICKER!!!

Vinegar: Ghost fighting desperately to keep that mask on, but Roberts is gonna tear it right in half!! HERE COMES KOMO!!! PULLING HIMSELF UP THE RING STEPS AND SCRWEAMING OBSCENITIES AT THE NUMBER ONE CONTENDER!!

Hanson: But Roberts is charging right at the enormous doodle brain!

Vinegar: Where do you come up with this stuff?! No, don’t answer! Roberts with a big boot right over the top rope, but Komo is bale to duck! He’s heading back down the stairs and Roberts back to Ghost, WHO IS ON HIS FEET NOW!!! GHOST WITH A KICK TO THE GUT AND CONNECTS WITH THE BLOODY HELL!!!

Hanson: OH NO!!!

Vinegar: BUT THE CRIMSON GHOST ISN’T FINISHED JUST YET!! HE’S PULLED ROBERTS UP AND LOOKING FOR THE SEEING RED!!! ROBERTS IS FINISHED AND KOMOSUBE IS LAUGHING HIS ASS OFF - WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!

Hanson: HA!!! PRESCOTT JUST PLANTED KOMOSUBE WITH A CHAIR SHOT TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD! THE BIG WALKING EXAMPLE OF WHY ABORTION WORKS JUST ATE THE FLOOR TITTY FIRST!!!

Vinegar: AND BURKE IS DISTRACTED BY THIS!!! ROBERTS CAPITALISING AND PULLING BRASS KNUCKLES FROM HIS PANTS!!! HE BLASTS GHOST IN THE SKULL AT LEAST HALF A DOZEN TIMES!!!

Hanson: HAHAHA! NOW ROBERTS HAS THE COVER!!! IN THE BAG!!!

Vinegar: ONE! DAMMIT, THIS ISN’T RIGHT!!! TWO! NPTHING BUT A DAMN SCREW JOB! THRE - YES! YES! YES!!! GHOST KICKS OUT AND THIS MATCH IS STILL GOING!!!!

Hanson: NO WAY! THAT WAS THREE! I SAW IT!!!

Vinegar: IT WASN’T THREE! GHOST’S CHANCES ARE STILL ALIVE!!!

Hanson: Roberts and Prescott are looking at each other, with no idea what to do now! NO! Prescott sliding that chair into the ring!! He knows what to do!!

Vinegar: Burke picking up that chair, but not taking his eyes off Prescott for a second! He knows that - NO!!! ROBERTS BLASTING THE HOLY HELL OUT OF GHOST’S FACE WITH THE BRASS KNUCKLES, AS BURKE HAS HIS BACK TURNED!!!! NOW HE LIFTS CRIMSON UP!!! WHITE OUT!!!! HE COVERED!!! ONE!!! DAMMIT, NO!!!! TWO!!! THIS ISN’T FAIR!!! THREE!!!! DAMMIT, THE MATCH IS OVER!!!! SO MUCH FOR ‘WINNING DECISEVLY’!!!

Hanson: Ghost is probably unconscious under that mask, while Roberts is standing tall as the victor. Seems pretty decisive to me, Nick!

Dennis: The winner of the match, via cheating, TRAVIS ROBERTS!!!

Vinegar: God dammit! And look how pleased those Revolution jack asses are with themselves, as they head up the ramp. I’m telling you folks, Komosube is gonna make sure Travis Roberts pays at Battleground!!

Hanson: Keep dreaming. In seven days time the Global Title returns to where it always should have been. In The Revolution’s hands!!

[Lord Hastings]

Sentinel whatever the date is Credits

Dragon vs. Dredd
Dylan James

Women’s Tag
Our Lord and Saviour (i.e. Alex Kiseragi)

Killer vs. Peace
Declan Prescott

Triple Threat Tag
Travis Roberto

Ghost vs. Roberto
Declan Prescott

Editor
Declan Prescott (but I did it really half assed)