Post by Lord Hastings on May 4, 2019 22:19:56 GMT -5
We're backstage at the Indiana Farmers Coliseum, where Chris Collins stands in front of the UGWC Chill logo, except a large Supreme Jersey Wrestling banner that doesn't quite fully cover the 3D display belonging to the host show.
Chris: Welcome #Chill fans, and welcome SJW marks! Tonight UGWC is sponsoring a tournament to determine their next Inter-Municipal Champion! Six New Jersey heroes will meet at this special even in a few hours, and the first to arrive is right here; welcome to UGWC Chill, "Ice Hard" Barry Harris!!
The camera pulls out wider to reveal one time Inter-Municipal Champion Barry Harris standing to Collins' left. Harris rubs his hands together slowly at chest height, which are already wrapped with black tape. He glares toward the bottom left of the camera with intense focus, as if seeing the upcoming tournament playing out in the air before him.
Chris: Barry, I understand that tonight could possibly be a night of redemption for you, as you fight to recapture the championship that briefly put you on the map in 2016--
Barry: Briefly put me on the map? Briefly put me on the map? I thought you were supposed to be some kind of pro wrestling historian? I'd already been on the map for ten years, amassing eight legendary Tag Team Championship championship reigns, not to mention six more since then, you know what I mean?
Collins nods, not daunted by Harris' indignation.
Chris: You're known for being the most decorated Cooperative-- I mean Tag Team Champion in Supreme Jersey Wrestling history along with your brother Paul "Crusher" Harris. The "Hoboken Hardman" is noticeably absent from the tournament tonight, any credence to the rumors that this is due to the injury suffered at the hands of Peekatyou at your last show?
Harris fixes Collins with a looks of disbelief as he drops his hands, not speaking for a moment as he seems to study the interviewer's face, perhaps trying to decide if he's joking.
Barry: Look, "Two Brother Army" is just fine, and no matter what you think you saw at 'March Forward, Fall Back,' Wrestlemon Orange felt the pain of the 'Crushed Ice' maneuver twice. Those foam-rubber wrapped clowns are a joke, and I doubt either of them will make it five minutes into this tournament without gassing out, you know what I mean? As for Paul, we've been on the same page for a long time, and he knows that it's my time to shine as the Inter-Municipal Champion.
Chris: Another Tag Team legend, X-Bro 420, will be flying solo in the tournament tonight, and many of your fans are looking forward to seeing two titans of the--
Harris pops his right palm against Collins' chest, cutting him off.
Barry: Fans? Fans, Chris? Is that what you call the douchebags who come out and cheer the clowns that pretend to compete here? A fan is someone who appreciates bone-cracking violence and a dirty fight that goes on for a half hour. Instead, we have overgrown kids who care more about watching a bloated former attack dog floss-dance on the entrance ramp than they do about watching me clean his clock, you know what I mean? What kind of fan would rather watch a decent, high-flying athlete destroy his career by drinking himself sick the night before any event we have. Chris, I got into this sport almost twenty years ago, and I've stuck it out with the same company the entire time, you know what I mean? I have a lot of respect for this sport and the competition, but it really pisses me off to see what a joke it's become with these cracker jack wrestlers who spend three hours in party city trying to figure out which kiddie costume they should wear to the ring.
Collins nods sagely.
Chris: I guess it's safe to say that tonight's tournament isn't going to be about the flare and spectacle for you.
Barry: It's about becoming a two-time Inter-Municipal Champion, Chris. And that's all it's about. "Ice Hard" doesn't mean you come to clown around in the ring, you know what I mean?
Chris: Is there anyone you're particularly concerned with in the tournament tonight?
Harris quicks his mouth up to the left and cocks his head back as if Collins had just asked him if he liked sloppy joes.
Barry: Do you realize there's someone in this tournament who wears a stuffed animal head over his face?
Chris: Welcome #Chill fans, and welcome SJW marks! Tonight UGWC is sponsoring a tournament to determine their next Inter-Municipal Champion! Six New Jersey heroes will meet at this special even in a few hours, and the first to arrive is right here; welcome to UGWC Chill, "Ice Hard" Barry Harris!!
The camera pulls out wider to reveal one time Inter-Municipal Champion Barry Harris standing to Collins' left. Harris rubs his hands together slowly at chest height, which are already wrapped with black tape. He glares toward the bottom left of the camera with intense focus, as if seeing the upcoming tournament playing out in the air before him.
Chris: Barry, I understand that tonight could possibly be a night of redemption for you, as you fight to recapture the championship that briefly put you on the map in 2016--
Barry: Briefly put me on the map? Briefly put me on the map? I thought you were supposed to be some kind of pro wrestling historian? I'd already been on the map for ten years, amassing eight legendary Tag Team Championship championship reigns, not to mention six more since then, you know what I mean?
Collins nods, not daunted by Harris' indignation.
Chris: You're known for being the most decorated Cooperative-- I mean Tag Team Champion in Supreme Jersey Wrestling history along with your brother Paul "Crusher" Harris. The "Hoboken Hardman" is noticeably absent from the tournament tonight, any credence to the rumors that this is due to the injury suffered at the hands of Peekatyou at your last show?
Harris fixes Collins with a looks of disbelief as he drops his hands, not speaking for a moment as he seems to study the interviewer's face, perhaps trying to decide if he's joking.
Barry: Look, "Two Brother Army" is just fine, and no matter what you think you saw at 'March Forward, Fall Back,' Wrestlemon Orange felt the pain of the 'Crushed Ice' maneuver twice. Those foam-rubber wrapped clowns are a joke, and I doubt either of them will make it five minutes into this tournament without gassing out, you know what I mean? As for Paul, we've been on the same page for a long time, and he knows that it's my time to shine as the Inter-Municipal Champion.
Chris: Another Tag Team legend, X-Bro 420, will be flying solo in the tournament tonight, and many of your fans are looking forward to seeing two titans of the--
Harris pops his right palm against Collins' chest, cutting him off.
Barry: Fans? Fans, Chris? Is that what you call the douchebags who come out and cheer the clowns that pretend to compete here? A fan is someone who appreciates bone-cracking violence and a dirty fight that goes on for a half hour. Instead, we have overgrown kids who care more about watching a bloated former attack dog floss-dance on the entrance ramp than they do about watching me clean his clock, you know what I mean? What kind of fan would rather watch a decent, high-flying athlete destroy his career by drinking himself sick the night before any event we have. Chris, I got into this sport almost twenty years ago, and I've stuck it out with the same company the entire time, you know what I mean? I have a lot of respect for this sport and the competition, but it really pisses me off to see what a joke it's become with these cracker jack wrestlers who spend three hours in party city trying to figure out which kiddie costume they should wear to the ring.
Collins nods sagely.
Chris: I guess it's safe to say that tonight's tournament isn't going to be about the flare and spectacle for you.
Barry: It's about becoming a two-time Inter-Municipal Champion, Chris. And that's all it's about. "Ice Hard" doesn't mean you come to clown around in the ring, you know what I mean?
Chris: Is there anyone you're particularly concerned with in the tournament tonight?
Harris quicks his mouth up to the left and cocks his head back as if Collins had just asked him if he liked sloppy joes.
Barry: Do you realize there's someone in this tournament who wears a stuffed animal head over his face?
