Post by chassiefear on Mar 2, 2010 20:16:53 GMT -5
OOC: It's long, but it was something I started ages ago and decided to finish and post for the hell of it. Sorry if it's written too wierd to read, but it was originally written novella style, and i'm too tired to change all of it.
(Choices. They are things that cannot be undone. Once you say or do something, you cannot just pretend it never happened. And often times the choices we make have consequences we’re not sure we can survive. My daughter’s birth was one of those consequences. I didn’t know it when they admitted me to the hospital, but my baby and I were about to enter the greatest fight we could ever have hoped to avoid. The battle for her life.)
April 25th 1994
“Just stay calm Chassie. Keep breathing sweetheart.” Aunt Claire stood beside Chassie’s bed, holding her hand while wiping the sweat from her forehead. After the next contraction had passed, Chassie gave her adoptive guardian all the glare and angst she could manage, which was considerably a lot in her current position. She forced words through her teeth as a new wave of pain overtook her. “She’s ready….I’m ready…Get…me the damn…Doctor!”
The next hour passed in a haze of pain and voices for Chassie, until something inside her shifted, a tiny bit, but it was enough. She felt a new pain, and seconds after her body alerted her that something wasn’t right, the Doctor went frantic. “There’s a problem, The baby’s stuck.” Chassie pulled herself through the blinding haze her mind was in, finding the strength to lift her head up. “What?”Her voice was harsh and forced. “We need to move fast, the baby’s turned somehow when you were pushing, the umbilical cord has wrapped around it’s neck.” What the hell was this man thinking, talking while her little one was dying inside her? NO! She wouldn’t let it happen. They’d come too far, fought too hard to get here. She reached out beside her and threw a scalpel at the Doctor.
“She’s dying you fucking idiot, get her out of me!” The Doctor looked at her, incredulity written all over his arrogant face. “But your not sedated enough for that miss Fear.” She stopped to glare at him prior to losing her mind. “Do it or I swear I will!” Chassie screamed. The Doctor cut, making a swift, careful incision. The pain was red hot against her stomach but she hung on, fighting for consciousness and biting back the all consuming urge to scream. Don’t let go my girl, hang on with me. Please just hang on…You’re a fighter too…She couldn’t keep her eyes open, but she heard. She heard the Doctor and the nurse’s hushed talking, felt their hands, alien and wrong inside her, and the pressure moving, tugging and pushing until it finally ended. Then there was nothing; then there was only silence. Nothing filled the room. The Doctor’s hushed whispers faded as she realized she was empty. The only sound she was possibly able to recognize was the frantic pounding of her heart against her chest, and the Doctor’s running to stitch her up. Where was her baby? Where was the angel child she saw for so long in her dreams… And then, after an endless moment of agonizing silence, she heard it. From someone else’s arms, she heard her baby scream. Relief flooded the very core of her being, and she started to shake. Her baby was alive. It was going to be okay.
(Somehow, my baby pulled through. She made it. They laid her in my arms after stitching me up and I almost died from relief. She was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. So tiny and fragile. Her hand curled around my index finger and held tight, like she was telling me that she was here. The nurse came back in later on, just as the sun set, casting a beautiful golden glow onto the both of us. She asked for a name, And with a silent awe, I named my daughter. Hayleigh Addison Fear had arrived. We left the hospital three days later, and I took my girl home.)
5 years Later
“What the hell am I doing here? This is madness.” Chassie mumbled, talking to herself as she raced down the corridors of some arena. She couldn’t keep the thoughts of reality at bay enough to dream that what she was doing might be worth some good. Chances are the two bums in Drifter’s had lied to her about the wrestling promotion offering live try outs for a shot on the roster. And she had just left her only job, and therefore means of support on a stupid whim. She almost turned around, almost left. But something steeled inside her. She’d already come too far. She was at least going to ask. Chassie followed the signs and tracked down the lady that was taking the information.
“Honey, your too late, the tryouts are over.” Chassie’s heart dropped. Her one chance for a better life for Hayleigh, gone…The lady got up, clearing off her table and heading elsewhere. It was then that she saw the monitor in the background that was taping the event. One man was taking on five other guys, and thusly getting his ass kicked. She looked closer…she knew that man. She found herself running, Without a second’s thought to the entrance.
A man tried to stop her. “What are you doing?” He demanded.
“Going insane…” She said and took a breath before plunging through the curtains onto the stage and down the ramp.
Good God the place was packed to overflowing. She couldn’t allow herself to look at the people so she picked up a lead pipe on the way in and slid into the ring, beating anyone she could reach. When they tried to fight her she used her wits and speed to get around them. It was more a game to her than anything else. It wasn’t long, and she had them for the most part laid out on the ground. There was a small silence and then the crowd went crazy. She raised the pipe in the air and then left, heading back through the curtains. A man in a suit was waiting with security.
“Young lady, I should have you arrested and hauled out of here on the spot.” She noticed something in his hand and grabbed the bull by the horns. “But you won’t. Your going to offer me a job. And not a little one either. Good pay, decent room and travel accommodations for me and my daughter.”
His jaw dropped a little. “Oh really? What makes you think that sweetcheeks?” She pointed with the lead pipe to where the crowd was still popping. “That does. and the paper in your hand. You’ve just found an asset that you can’t let go of. Now, you were saying?”
(I was afraid he’d have me arrested anyways, but I had to try. And he signed me. On the spot. I had enough time to go home, get Hayleigh and our things and get out before they’d left. Saying goodbye to Shiloh, and Aunt Claire was one of the most painful things…but she’d told me to go. That she would be fine. And like a fool, I believed her without second thought. A few months after my career kick started, I got a phone call. My adoptive aunt had died. Claire Addison Carpenter’s family never came to see her. Losing her was so hard for me. I thought I’d never get over it. But time goes on, and just when I found a home for myself in Tallahassee Florida, I found someone I never expected.)
Chassie wiped a bead of sweat from her head and looked around her. Who would have thought that she’d ever end up here? In a beautiful two story Victorian style mansion in Tallahassee. Hayleigh came running up to her excitedly, something very clearly on her mind. “Mama! Strangers mama!” She declared pointing at the door. Sure enough a knock followed her daughters statement.
“Hayleigh, I want you to pretend for me, okay?” The little girl nodded enthusiastically. “I want you to go to your new room, and pretend to be a mouse. You remember what mice are like right?” She nodded again. Chassie kissed her forehead. “Good girl, now go on, little mouse, until I come get you.” Hayleigh scrambled up the stairs and only when her door was shut did Chassie go to the front door.
She opened it cautiously. The figure outside was dirty and bloody and thin. He spoke without raising his head, but beneath the greasy curtain of dark hair she could see what looked like brown eyes thick with bruising and blood.
“Chassie Fear right? You’re Chassie, that’s your name right?” She silently reached for a bat by her door. “Yes, who are you?” The man spoke again. “I’m Jonathan and I’m in trouble see, I need your help, you gotta help me. Please…” Her hand tightened on the bat. “I don’t know you, why should I help you?” He looked at her finally, full in the face. The bruises were worse than she thought, and the blood caked and dry around his face and the cuts. “Because I’m your brother…”
(It wasn’t easy, and at first I didn’t accept his story. It was only when he showed me a picture of our father with him and several other irrefutable pieces of evidence that I allowed him to come into my home. Once he was inside he explained it all. He lost everything gambling and owed a severe debt. Turns out he’d been looking for me anyway, but my rising fame had made me a relatively easy beacon for him. On the promise he clean up his act under my watchful eye, I paid off what he owed. We returned to the road, but that didn’t ease my mind any. The ring brought it’s own problems. Like Hayleigh’s father being there. It turns out he was the man that I’d saved in the ring that night. And it also turned out he remembered me. The other problem was that one of the men I’d beaten, a man by the name of Gothik hadn’t quite felt thankful that I hit him with a pipe. Between the two of them, I felt trapped, scared, and alone.)
Chassie took a long pull of water from the fountain as she watched the man they called Bloodhound walk by. They were over. She thought it firmly. They were on again off again for awhile, but she’d made up her mind and left for good. He however, still had issues with her outside of any of that. Once he passed she straightened, looking around her in wary exhaustion. She’d made quite the name for herself in UCW and there were only a few people she actually liked in the federation. Mickey Dragon, one of the few, passed her as she headed to her room, and he nodded and gave her a little smile. She returned it. There really were an endless amount of wars and alliances to be made, and she wasn’t sure where she stood.
Her hand froze on her doorknob as she was about to enter her room. She could feel him coming, and he would find no fear in her, despite her name. Turning, she pulled herself to her full height and watched with a most murderous glance as the one called Gothik entered her part of the hallway. It took all her concentration to keep herself still and quiet. Everyone looked away when he walked past them, but not Chassie. She held her head upright and looked into the holes in his mask where his eyes were hidden. The message was clear. ‘I hate you’ could not be more clearly reflected between them. After he passed, she entered her room. Eventually they would have to settle their differences, and despite her façade, she feared that day. If only she had known then how drastically it would all change.
(I never would have thought it then, that the man in the mask would save me. It happened slowly, and I never understood it at the time, all the while he lashed out at me, and drew forth a reply from me, he was testing me, breaking me, and making me stronger. The day of my breaking was the dawn of our alliance.)
Chassie walked swiftly, trying to leave her ex, who was coming after her for some reason or another. She couldn’t think, she didn’t want to face him like this. She was scared, and alone, and that made her desperate and dangerous. Finally he caught up with her. “Chassie talk to me!” he said, coming in front of her and cutting off her way forward.
“Leave me alone, I don’t want to talk to you!” She took a step back to turn, but the ground was slick with rain and she fell backwards.
Lovely. That was when she noticed the black trench coat and heavy boot that were directly beside her. Any further and she would’ve fallen into the owner of said boot. “I believe the lady asked you to leave her alone.”
Looking up into the rain, she saw Gothik. What the hell? He stepped around her, putting himself between her and her ex. By the time she got over her confusion she heard Gothik make him leave. It was over. She was alone and with him. And that meant trouble. Then he turned to her, looking down at her. She braced for the worst, trying to think. Even if she had the time to move she wouldn’t make it far before he had her again. She was, in short, screwed. Then he held out his hand in a gesture to help her up.
She extended hers without thinking at first, but he stopped her as he spoke. “Think of all that this will mean…” He said, as a warning. And it dawned on her. It was an invitation. Like a blind man staring at the dawn for the first time and Without second thought she placed her hand in his, and he drew her to her feet again.
(My induction officially into the Covenant was a wonderful day. The moment I took his hand, the moment I made a promise with him, I understood the things he’d been trying to say from the beginning. I understood his mission, and his beliefs. And I accepted them as my own. We still had our own separate goings, but I could count on my Covenant. I trusted that fact more than anything. That they would keep me, and by proxy my daughter safe. I had somewhere to belong. I was free. Free from everything that the world told me I couldn’t be. That was the message. To rise above. To change the world by changing everything. If black and white got muddled somewhere in the middle, sobeit. For the second time in my life, I was proud to be a part of something. And I still am. One day, I hope my daughter will know that it’s all for her. I want her to have all the chances life never offered me. And if she turns them down to pursue her own life, then I’ll still be just as proud of her as I always have been. She is my world.)
‘Should you be looking through her drawer like that?’ Her father’s voice pulled Hayleigh from the pages of the unfinished book that lay in her hand. She turned, tears in her eyes but not spilling over yet.
‘Why didn’t she tell me?’ Hayleigh asked, looking at the pages.
‘She will tell you, one day. When she thinks the time is right.’ Jarek says, wrapping his arms around her for a fatherly hug. ‘Come on, let’s head out and get some food. Mom’s gonna be out a bit. Signing some autographs with the Covenant.’
(Black. For now.)
(Choices. They are things that cannot be undone. Once you say or do something, you cannot just pretend it never happened. And often times the choices we make have consequences we’re not sure we can survive. My daughter’s birth was one of those consequences. I didn’t know it when they admitted me to the hospital, but my baby and I were about to enter the greatest fight we could ever have hoped to avoid. The battle for her life.)
April 25th 1994
“Just stay calm Chassie. Keep breathing sweetheart.” Aunt Claire stood beside Chassie’s bed, holding her hand while wiping the sweat from her forehead. After the next contraction had passed, Chassie gave her adoptive guardian all the glare and angst she could manage, which was considerably a lot in her current position. She forced words through her teeth as a new wave of pain overtook her. “She’s ready….I’m ready…Get…me the damn…Doctor!”
The next hour passed in a haze of pain and voices for Chassie, until something inside her shifted, a tiny bit, but it was enough. She felt a new pain, and seconds after her body alerted her that something wasn’t right, the Doctor went frantic. “There’s a problem, The baby’s stuck.” Chassie pulled herself through the blinding haze her mind was in, finding the strength to lift her head up. “What?”Her voice was harsh and forced. “We need to move fast, the baby’s turned somehow when you were pushing, the umbilical cord has wrapped around it’s neck.” What the hell was this man thinking, talking while her little one was dying inside her? NO! She wouldn’t let it happen. They’d come too far, fought too hard to get here. She reached out beside her and threw a scalpel at the Doctor.
“She’s dying you fucking idiot, get her out of me!” The Doctor looked at her, incredulity written all over his arrogant face. “But your not sedated enough for that miss Fear.” She stopped to glare at him prior to losing her mind. “Do it or I swear I will!” Chassie screamed. The Doctor cut, making a swift, careful incision. The pain was red hot against her stomach but she hung on, fighting for consciousness and biting back the all consuming urge to scream. Don’t let go my girl, hang on with me. Please just hang on…You’re a fighter too…She couldn’t keep her eyes open, but she heard. She heard the Doctor and the nurse’s hushed talking, felt their hands, alien and wrong inside her, and the pressure moving, tugging and pushing until it finally ended. Then there was nothing; then there was only silence. Nothing filled the room. The Doctor’s hushed whispers faded as she realized she was empty. The only sound she was possibly able to recognize was the frantic pounding of her heart against her chest, and the Doctor’s running to stitch her up. Where was her baby? Where was the angel child she saw for so long in her dreams… And then, after an endless moment of agonizing silence, she heard it. From someone else’s arms, she heard her baby scream. Relief flooded the very core of her being, and she started to shake. Her baby was alive. It was going to be okay.
(Somehow, my baby pulled through. She made it. They laid her in my arms after stitching me up and I almost died from relief. She was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. So tiny and fragile. Her hand curled around my index finger and held tight, like she was telling me that she was here. The nurse came back in later on, just as the sun set, casting a beautiful golden glow onto the both of us. She asked for a name, And with a silent awe, I named my daughter. Hayleigh Addison Fear had arrived. We left the hospital three days later, and I took my girl home.)
5 years Later
“What the hell am I doing here? This is madness.” Chassie mumbled, talking to herself as she raced down the corridors of some arena. She couldn’t keep the thoughts of reality at bay enough to dream that what she was doing might be worth some good. Chances are the two bums in Drifter’s had lied to her about the wrestling promotion offering live try outs for a shot on the roster. And she had just left her only job, and therefore means of support on a stupid whim. She almost turned around, almost left. But something steeled inside her. She’d already come too far. She was at least going to ask. Chassie followed the signs and tracked down the lady that was taking the information.
“Honey, your too late, the tryouts are over.” Chassie’s heart dropped. Her one chance for a better life for Hayleigh, gone…The lady got up, clearing off her table and heading elsewhere. It was then that she saw the monitor in the background that was taping the event. One man was taking on five other guys, and thusly getting his ass kicked. She looked closer…she knew that man. She found herself running, Without a second’s thought to the entrance.
A man tried to stop her. “What are you doing?” He demanded.
“Going insane…” She said and took a breath before plunging through the curtains onto the stage and down the ramp.
Good God the place was packed to overflowing. She couldn’t allow herself to look at the people so she picked up a lead pipe on the way in and slid into the ring, beating anyone she could reach. When they tried to fight her she used her wits and speed to get around them. It was more a game to her than anything else. It wasn’t long, and she had them for the most part laid out on the ground. There was a small silence and then the crowd went crazy. She raised the pipe in the air and then left, heading back through the curtains. A man in a suit was waiting with security.
“Young lady, I should have you arrested and hauled out of here on the spot.” She noticed something in his hand and grabbed the bull by the horns. “But you won’t. Your going to offer me a job. And not a little one either. Good pay, decent room and travel accommodations for me and my daughter.”
His jaw dropped a little. “Oh really? What makes you think that sweetcheeks?” She pointed with the lead pipe to where the crowd was still popping. “That does. and the paper in your hand. You’ve just found an asset that you can’t let go of. Now, you were saying?”
(I was afraid he’d have me arrested anyways, but I had to try. And he signed me. On the spot. I had enough time to go home, get Hayleigh and our things and get out before they’d left. Saying goodbye to Shiloh, and Aunt Claire was one of the most painful things…but she’d told me to go. That she would be fine. And like a fool, I believed her without second thought. A few months after my career kick started, I got a phone call. My adoptive aunt had died. Claire Addison Carpenter’s family never came to see her. Losing her was so hard for me. I thought I’d never get over it. But time goes on, and just when I found a home for myself in Tallahassee Florida, I found someone I never expected.)
Chassie wiped a bead of sweat from her head and looked around her. Who would have thought that she’d ever end up here? In a beautiful two story Victorian style mansion in Tallahassee. Hayleigh came running up to her excitedly, something very clearly on her mind. “Mama! Strangers mama!” She declared pointing at the door. Sure enough a knock followed her daughters statement.
“Hayleigh, I want you to pretend for me, okay?” The little girl nodded enthusiastically. “I want you to go to your new room, and pretend to be a mouse. You remember what mice are like right?” She nodded again. Chassie kissed her forehead. “Good girl, now go on, little mouse, until I come get you.” Hayleigh scrambled up the stairs and only when her door was shut did Chassie go to the front door.
She opened it cautiously. The figure outside was dirty and bloody and thin. He spoke without raising his head, but beneath the greasy curtain of dark hair she could see what looked like brown eyes thick with bruising and blood.
“Chassie Fear right? You’re Chassie, that’s your name right?” She silently reached for a bat by her door. “Yes, who are you?” The man spoke again. “I’m Jonathan and I’m in trouble see, I need your help, you gotta help me. Please…” Her hand tightened on the bat. “I don’t know you, why should I help you?” He looked at her finally, full in the face. The bruises were worse than she thought, and the blood caked and dry around his face and the cuts. “Because I’m your brother…”
(It wasn’t easy, and at first I didn’t accept his story. It was only when he showed me a picture of our father with him and several other irrefutable pieces of evidence that I allowed him to come into my home. Once he was inside he explained it all. He lost everything gambling and owed a severe debt. Turns out he’d been looking for me anyway, but my rising fame had made me a relatively easy beacon for him. On the promise he clean up his act under my watchful eye, I paid off what he owed. We returned to the road, but that didn’t ease my mind any. The ring brought it’s own problems. Like Hayleigh’s father being there. It turns out he was the man that I’d saved in the ring that night. And it also turned out he remembered me. The other problem was that one of the men I’d beaten, a man by the name of Gothik hadn’t quite felt thankful that I hit him with a pipe. Between the two of them, I felt trapped, scared, and alone.)
Chassie took a long pull of water from the fountain as she watched the man they called Bloodhound walk by. They were over. She thought it firmly. They were on again off again for awhile, but she’d made up her mind and left for good. He however, still had issues with her outside of any of that. Once he passed she straightened, looking around her in wary exhaustion. She’d made quite the name for herself in UCW and there were only a few people she actually liked in the federation. Mickey Dragon, one of the few, passed her as she headed to her room, and he nodded and gave her a little smile. She returned it. There really were an endless amount of wars and alliances to be made, and she wasn’t sure where she stood.
Her hand froze on her doorknob as she was about to enter her room. She could feel him coming, and he would find no fear in her, despite her name. Turning, she pulled herself to her full height and watched with a most murderous glance as the one called Gothik entered her part of the hallway. It took all her concentration to keep herself still and quiet. Everyone looked away when he walked past them, but not Chassie. She held her head upright and looked into the holes in his mask where his eyes were hidden. The message was clear. ‘I hate you’ could not be more clearly reflected between them. After he passed, she entered her room. Eventually they would have to settle their differences, and despite her façade, she feared that day. If only she had known then how drastically it would all change.
(I never would have thought it then, that the man in the mask would save me. It happened slowly, and I never understood it at the time, all the while he lashed out at me, and drew forth a reply from me, he was testing me, breaking me, and making me stronger. The day of my breaking was the dawn of our alliance.)
Chassie walked swiftly, trying to leave her ex, who was coming after her for some reason or another. She couldn’t think, she didn’t want to face him like this. She was scared, and alone, and that made her desperate and dangerous. Finally he caught up with her. “Chassie talk to me!” he said, coming in front of her and cutting off her way forward.
“Leave me alone, I don’t want to talk to you!” She took a step back to turn, but the ground was slick with rain and she fell backwards.
Lovely. That was when she noticed the black trench coat and heavy boot that were directly beside her. Any further and she would’ve fallen into the owner of said boot. “I believe the lady asked you to leave her alone.”
Looking up into the rain, she saw Gothik. What the hell? He stepped around her, putting himself between her and her ex. By the time she got over her confusion she heard Gothik make him leave. It was over. She was alone and with him. And that meant trouble. Then he turned to her, looking down at her. She braced for the worst, trying to think. Even if she had the time to move she wouldn’t make it far before he had her again. She was, in short, screwed. Then he held out his hand in a gesture to help her up.
She extended hers without thinking at first, but he stopped her as he spoke. “Think of all that this will mean…” He said, as a warning. And it dawned on her. It was an invitation. Like a blind man staring at the dawn for the first time and Without second thought she placed her hand in his, and he drew her to her feet again.
(My induction officially into the Covenant was a wonderful day. The moment I took his hand, the moment I made a promise with him, I understood the things he’d been trying to say from the beginning. I understood his mission, and his beliefs. And I accepted them as my own. We still had our own separate goings, but I could count on my Covenant. I trusted that fact more than anything. That they would keep me, and by proxy my daughter safe. I had somewhere to belong. I was free. Free from everything that the world told me I couldn’t be. That was the message. To rise above. To change the world by changing everything. If black and white got muddled somewhere in the middle, sobeit. For the second time in my life, I was proud to be a part of something. And I still am. One day, I hope my daughter will know that it’s all for her. I want her to have all the chances life never offered me. And if she turns them down to pursue her own life, then I’ll still be just as proud of her as I always have been. She is my world.)
‘Should you be looking through her drawer like that?’ Her father’s voice pulled Hayleigh from the pages of the unfinished book that lay in her hand. She turned, tears in her eyes but not spilling over yet.
‘Why didn’t she tell me?’ Hayleigh asked, looking at the pages.
‘She will tell you, one day. When she thinks the time is right.’ Jarek says, wrapping his arms around her for a fatherly hug. ‘Come on, let’s head out and get some food. Mom’s gonna be out a bit. Signing some autographs with the Covenant.’
(Black. For now.)
