Battleground '08 Results

[Lord Hastings]

Vinegar: Ladies and Gentlemen…WELCOME TO BATTLEGROUND!!!!

Hanson: The night where we will finally see the Puppet Champion, Komosube, relinquishing his title to ‘The Blessed One’ Travis Roberts, The night where Donovan Hastings has the chance to get Owen Peterson in any match of his choice at Horizons…

Vinegar: Or the night that Komosube shuts up that cowardly, deceitful egomaniac once and for all, and Alex Kiseragi shocks the world by winning the Battleground match at only his second Pay-Per-View…there are many, many possibilities tonight in what promises to be Global Impact Wrestlings best pay-Per-View to date….apologies for the lack of PPV Video, but we deemed the action to be more important than the MTV style music video at the start…

Hanson: I like them, the colours and the violence, so quickly interwoven, it always keeps my attention…

Vinegar: Don’t forget we also have the Womens Championship being defended in A table match….

Hanson: I hadn’t forgotten…how could I forget Chinatsu? That Porcelain Skinned Angel…

Vinegar: I wasn’t talking to you…

Hanson: Well you really should be a bit clearer, you interrupt me mid sentence, and you’re not even talking to me…

Vinegar: Do I really need to go through our job description right now…no I don’t and thanks to your childlike whining, we don’t have enough time to run down the rest of the card…

Hanson: Isn’t it readily available on the website? Aren’t you just telling people what they already know…

Vinegar: That’s not the point, it makes the whole thing more of an event, a spectacle…anyway, lets get on with the show…

Dennis: Ladies and Gentlemen this is your opening contest for Battleground, and this is a Hardcore Tornado Tag Match!! Introducing first being accompanied by Xavier Bryan this is War and Peace!

As the drum beat of the opening of ‘Honor’ by Atreyu begins throughout the arena Xavier Bryan walks onto the stage. He raises his hands as the guitar kicks in and the lyrics bring both pyro and Marek Daisuke erupting onto the stage. Both take their first few steps towards the ring.

Vinegar: What the hell was that?!

Hanson: What you didn’t really think Noah Wilde was just gonna let his guys sit in the back and watch this crap did you?

Vinegar: Well it’s a three on two mugging as Wilde, Garth, and the Silencer are stomping away on Xavier and War.

Hanson: Good!

Vinegar: This match hasn’t even started yet, and where is Ezekiel?

Hanson: It doesn’t matter, Explosive Impact are dragging Marek towards the ring, HA HA look at them leaving Bryan for dead.

Vinegar: Well it looks like Wilde has spotted Pax jumping up over the guard rail at ring side, and is sicking his dogs on Peace.

Hanson: See this is just smart! Divide and conquer bitches. Just like when my ho’s is actin’ up. What do I do? I send a few of my homeys to whip d’em supportive type bitches with a clothes hanger, while I turn the cigars loose on that trouble maker! Same thing here. Wilde, Double G, and Killer wore out Daisuke and Xavier, now by the time Pax shows up GG, and Jason are more than too much for him, and Wilde looks like he’s gonna destroy Marek by himself!

Vinegar: Well Explosive Impact are laying the boots to Pax, that’s a fact! And Wilde looks like he’s setting up for a powerbomb on the concrete for Daisuke while Xavier is still laying on the entrance ramp!

Hanson: Yeah show them all those times ya’ll lost was justa fluke!

Vinegar: NO MAREK JUST SLID LOOSE OF WILDE, TIED HIM UP, AND HIT THAT RISING SUN DRIVER ON THE ENTERANCE RAMP! WILDE’S OUT COLD!

Hanson: Yeah no matter. Listen the damage is done, this one’s over. I mean check it yo, Garth has that chair now, and between Killers kicks, and those chair shots Pax is gonna… WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?!

Vinegar: Folks if I hadn’t just seen it I wouldn’t believe it. Marek ran across the top rope from one turnbuckle to the next, and nailed a missile drop kick on Killer sending one half of Explosive Impact into the crowd!

Hanson: Yeah, but the dummy left the guy holding the weapon on his feet, and now Garth is taking turns smashing both members of War and Peace with that chair!

Vinegar: Double G now calling his shots it appears. One for Marek, one for Pax, one for War, the wind up, and one for… NO.

Hanson: What the hell does Xavier Bryan think he’s doing?! Yo man, he can’t just run up and snatch that chair from Garth!

Vinegar: Well in truth he didn’t just snatch the chair from Garth. He also smacked him in the face with it, and now he’s got it unfolded, as much as that bent twisted piece of steel would unfold, and has Garth by the hands holding him in place with this neck over the back of the chair!

Hanson: Oh this is gonna hurt! Pax hops up on the guard rail, and hits a guillotine like leg drop over the back of GG! Finally Wilde to even the odds!

Vinegar: Big time running boot by Noah just levelled Xavier, and Wilde pushes Pax back first into the ring apron. It looks like our tag match just turned into a six man tag match!

Hanson: Wait what’s goin on?

Vinegar: I, well, I don’t know. This is a first, folks. Noah Wilde has pulled Jason Killer out from the crowd, and the two are helping Gaffney to the back.

Hanson: Seriously what the fuck is this shit? I think they’re giving up! I think they’re going home or some shit?

Vinegar: Well I don’t think they’re going to get very far. Marek helping up Xavier and Ezekiel and all three giving chase up the ramp!

Hanson: East and the camera dude’s following! Quitters never win yo!

Vinegar: Well I think there might be something about living to fight another day Daniel.

Hanson: Yeah that’s bullshit though. Chicks dig scars, be-otch!

Vinegar: Oh holy hell! Well if that’s true I think Marek is going to get a lot more women!

Hanson: HA HA! Good I knew they wouldn’t have just run!

Vinegar: Good! It was a damn ambush, and that’s all it was. Wilde and his goons waited for War and Peace through the curtains and then hit them with.. with.. what the hell was that?

Hanson: They looked like the ‘Club’!

Vinegar: What?

Hanson: The Club, you know that thing you put on your steering wheel so no one jacks yo ride.

Vinegar: I didn’t know anyone still used those.

Hanson: Oh yeah, I use one… oh better not be yo. That’s just foul if it’s mine!

Vinegar: Well that doesn’t matter, because Gaffney took out Marek with the Club, Wilde got Xavier, but Killer kicked wild and missed Pax. Ezekiel with a hard DDT on the cement for Jason, Pax back up, Wilde turns,

Hanson: OH RIGHT IN THE JANGLIES WITH THAT BOOT AND WILDE’S DOWN AND TURNING THREE SHADES OF PURPLE!!!

Vinegar: Garth with that damn Club just caught Pax behind the ear!

Hanson: Yeah, yeah brilliant!

Vinegar: Garth going for the cover on Marek! ONE!

Hanson: Perfect plan here! TWO!

Vinegar: Not quite as Daisuke kicks out at two.

Hanson: Yeah, barely!

Vinegar: Wait Garth Gaffney back to his feet, and looks panicked! He’s just dropped that Club, and taken off down the hallway. He’s running again!

Hanson: NO he’s setting up another ambush! Oh god I hope he’s setting up another ambush.

Vinegar: Well Jason Killer now on his feet, and he looks just as baffled as us.

Hanson: Wait now Xavier up, what’s he doing with the camera! Be careful with that you oaf that’s our only feed!

Vinegar: Well that was an extreme close up of the Silencer!

Hanson: Yeah but what’s going on? We just lost our picture!

Vinegar: Well I would assume that was it. War and Peace one of them is probably covering Jason Killer as we speak.

Hanson: Well God damnit someone with a camera get back there! What are we supposed to do, just sit here and think about Gabby’s caramel bosoms, and wait for East to come get her fire crotch ass out here and announce the winner?

Vinegar: Wait, folks here we go! We’re getting word after Xavier Bryan levelled Jason Killer with that camera that all three members of War and Peace took off after Garth Gaffeny, and this match is still going on!

Hanson: About time Jason Reeves does something right!

Vinegar: Right! It looks like all he did was get in Double G’s way with that camera man who’s always with him!

Hanson: Exactly, at least now we have a damn picture!

Vinegar: Well it looks like Garth ran into Reeves, and now is hightailing it away again!

Hanson: Yeah but that little interruption might have been enough, because there goes Pax, with War, and Xavier Bryan. They’re close to runnin’ right into that ambush!

Reeves: Nic, Dan Dawg, can you hear me? I’m not sure if you can hear me, but this is Jason Reeves with an exclusive unravelling story! Folks I Jason Reeves am on scene with exclusive coverage of this match.

Vinegar: Alright we get it Reeves. Exclusive! Now can you please get the rest of the match on camera so we can see it!

Hanson: Yo, man, where Prescott be findin’ these bustas?

Reeves: Yeah, yeah, sure well it looks like Marek and Pax of War and Peace have just followed Garth Gaffney into one of the many Madison Square Gardens kitchens. Folks I’m hesitant to put myself and my cameraman in harms way, but the sounds of battle are heavy in the air! Loud clangs and crashes can be heard for what I’m sure must be miles! The screams of…

Hanson: GOD DAMNIT REEVES GET YO PUNK ASS IN THAT THURR KITCHEN BEFORE I RUN UP AND GET MEDIEVEL ON YA. YA HURD!!!

Reeves: Well I’m not exactly sure what you just said, but come on camera man, lets win that Pulitzer!

Vinegar: Well folks back to the action and it looks like Garth is fighting like a cornered dog! Rights, lefts, kicks, he’s swinging anything he can get a hold of!

Hanson: Yeah I told you another ambush!

Vinegar: I’m not so sure. Garth looks to be fighting for his life here hammering away with all he’s got on Marek, and… OH MY GOD PAX OUT OF NOWHERE WITH A FLYING BULLDOG THAT JUST SENT GAFFENY FACE FIRST INTO A DOUGH MIXER!

Hanson: Yeah well I’m sure most of our fans ain’t gon’ have your kinda familiarity with tha kitchen, but homeys and bitches lets me tell ya that damn thing is about two hundred pounds, with no give!

Vinegar: Well Garth busted wide open with that, he staggers, he turns, right into a victory roll by Marek! ONE!

Reeves: Folks only here, now with *TWO* Jason Reeves will…

Hanson: Kick out! Come on Garth! If nothing else finish beating up Reeves!

Vinegar: Well Double G kicked out, he’s first to his feet…

Hanson: DEEP FRYER! EZEKIEL ‘PEACE’ PAX JUST GRABBED A HAND FULL OF GARTHS HAIR, AND DUNKED HIS FACE IN A DEEP FAT FRYER!!

Reeves: Ladies and Gentle the humanity we’re seeing here today harkens back to a time full…

Vinegar: Marek-Ill from Daisuke, Pax with the cover! ONE!

Reeves: Revenge and brutality. A time where people believed an eye for an eye, and wrongs *TWO* must be set right. A time…

Hanson: DAMNIT FIRST THE CAR ENGINE, NOW COMPLETELY FACE FIRST INTO A DEEP FAT FRYER! THIS IS A TRAVISTY! THREE!!!

Vinegar: It’s over! Now please somebody get some medical attention back there for Garth Gaffney!

Dennis: Ladies and Gentlemen here are your winners! WAR and PEACE!!

Reeves: A time where if you attacked a helpless man, you could count on a helpless man attacking back!

Hanson: Well at least Pax and Daisuke are leaving, I just wish they took Reeves with them. Can we kill his feed now.

Vinegar: Not yet, what’s he got?

Hanson: What the hell? It’s salt! Jason Reeves is pouring salt onto the freshly burned fact of Garth Gaffney!

Reeves: A time where you simply did not fuck with the staff!

Vinegar: Well folks we’ve gone ahead and killed that feed before Reeves gets himself into to much trouble.

Hanson: What an opener!

Vinegar: Only here in the GIW! Nobody, and I mean nobody does Pay-Per-View like Global Impact Wrestling!

War & Peace: 12
Explosive Impact: 0

[Lord Hastings]

Dennis: The next match is scheduled for one fall, and is a triple threat, let’s get these guys on the Pay-Per-View somehow as they deserve some kind of match up, match!

“Frayed Ends of Sanity’ hits the speakers.

Dennis: Introducing first, from Detroit, Michigan, DYYYYLAAAAN JAAAAMESS!

James walks onto the ramp swinging his arms as he goes down the ramp. He rolls into the ring, jumps onto the turnbuckle, and makes his X sign with his arms.

Hanson: That’s not the most imaginative or memorable entrance there…

Vinegar: Well that’s all DJ wanted to specify, so it’s really in his own hands, until he says otherwise he’ll continue to have a nice, short entrance…

The lights cut to black and red and white strobe lights alternate in beat with the rapid music as “Cyanide Sweet Tooth Suicide” Starts to play.

Dennis: And his opponent, from an orphanage originally, CHAAAASIIIIIE FEEEEAR!!!

Chassie walks swiftly onto the stage, looking at the people for a moment, then as the lyrics hit she descends the ramp, breaking into a run about halfway down. When she reaches the ring she slides in smoothly, getting to her feet quickly she runs to a random turnbuckle and plants her feet on the corners of the middle turnbuckle, throwing up the horns and head banging briefly. Then she leaps off the turnbuckle to face Dylan James as she stretches briefly and cracks her neck. After adjusting her ring gear she waits for the match to start.

Vinegar: That’s a much more compelling start if you ask me…and this girl has already made her mark on this company, hence being thrown in this match up…and she’s game for the challenge…

Hanson: And what a challenge it’s gonna be, the final guy in this match hasn’t faced any real competition since he debuted a few weeks ago, everyone seems to fear him…

Vinegar: But not this Chassie Fear, at least if you listen to what she has to say, she seems eager to face the guy…

Hanson: She is clearly insane then…

“Divine” By KoRn hits.

Dennis: And their opponent, from Dallas, texas…The MONSTER….DREEEEEEDD!!!!

A single spotlight focuses on the entrance, Dredd appears from backstage. Pyro goes over in a row from the top of the ramp to the ring. ‘The Monster’ stands on the top of the stage and looks down towards the ring, and observes his opponents. He merely shakes his head, and looks to the skies whilst walking down the ramp. He completely ignores the booing fans, instead focusing on his opponents, smiling and shaking his head all at the same time. But suddenly his attention is drawn from the ring to the fans on the outside, he walks over the a heavy set man, and grabs a pint of beer from his hands, leans against the guard barrier and starts to drink, slowly…

Hanson: Now that is one hell of an entrance…

Vinegar: I think some artistic licence has been taken with this one…but Dredd doesn’t seem to be in a rush to finish that beer…he waves towards Owen Peterson to start the match without him…that’s just unprofessional…

Hanson: Pffft! Whatever you say, he’s just confident, and confidence is a huge strength in triple threat matches, it keeps you from over involving yourself…better let the other guys wear themselves out…

Vinegar: Seems Peterson is aware we are on a time schedule tonight, and has just signalled for this match to get underway, with or without Dredd in the ring…

Hanson: Can you get counted out, or DQ-ed in a Triple Threat match? You gotta have a clear winner…then again it’s Owen Peterson officiating, so it really doesn’t matter what the rules actually are…

DING!

Vinegar: With the sound of the bell Chassie fear springs to life, quickly hitting James with a low angled dropkick to his shin…she’s gonna have to work hard she’s giving a lot of height and weight advantage to Dylan James…

Hanson: Who is dwarfed in comparison to the man drinking outside; Dredd…

Vinegar: And Chassie knows this all too well, as she bounces off the ropes and drives Dylan James’ head into the matt with a Bulldog, he rolls over and she quickly leaps onto the ropes…Springboard lionsault…

Hanson: But Dylan James raises his legs, and Chassie goes crashing to the canvas, as DJ gets to his feet, and drops a knee to Chassie’s face…he then turns towards Dredd and screams to him asking if he’s frightened of messing with him…

Vinegar: And Dredd has merely raised that half drunk pint glass in the air, saying cheers and signalling his intentions…But Chassie takes advantage of DJ’s lack of concentration and rolls him up…ONE…TWO…NO! James kicks out, and Dredd nearly dropped his pint their…he nearly saw this match end before he was ready to get in the ring…

Hanson: He’s fine, he’s got these two judged just right…see he’s not gonna be rushed into finishing his drink…

Vinegar: You have a problem with Randy Boolzian guzzling Red Bull all the time, labelling him a Junkie…but you’ve no problem with Dredd’s alcoholism?

Hanson: Everyone enjoys a drink Nicholas.

Vinegar: Not when they are at work!

Hanson: Speak for yourself…what do you think is in these bottles?

Vinegar: I assumed it was water…

Hanson: HAH! It’s Russian Standard Vodka…the only way I can keep your company for entire evenings…

Vinegar: That explains a lot…but let’s get back to the match, where Dylan James has decided to concentrate on Chassie Fear and hits her with a German Suplex, then drags her back to her feet…jumps onto the second rope…SPRINGBOARD BACKFLIP DDT!!!

Hanson: And now Dredd has decided to make his way into the ring and climbs onto the canvas…

Vinegar: As DJ climbs to the top rope…and leaps towards Chassie with a Flying Elbow Dro…

Hanson: But Dredd steps in and plucks Dylan James from the air…and tosses him across the ring into the turnbuckle opposite…

Vinegar: Chassie gets to her feet, and slams Dredd from behind with a low blow, taking ‘The Monster’ to his knees, she then turns and runs towards Dylan James who is clumped in the corner and hits a running knee strike to the face!

Hanson: Only to turn into a monstrous clothesline from Dredd, and Chassie Fear almost spins 360 degree’s before falling to the mat…Dredd then grabs Dylan James…slaps on an elevated full nelson…then tosses Dylan James over his head…he stands above his opponents and surveys them both on the ground…

Vinegar: But Chassie springs to her feet and aims a kick at Dredd, who catches her right foot…he smiles and laughs at Chassie, who then spins in Dredd’s hands, and slams her left foot into Dredd’s laughing face…she then leaps onto the top ropes, and leaps at Dredd…hitting him with Spinning DDT off the top rope…

Hanson: Dylan James gets to his feet, only to be met by the swirling dervish that is Chassie Fear, who leaps onto his shoulders and hits a huricanrana…

Vinegar: And now with both men down, Chassie Fear climbs to the top again…and leaps…360 SHOOTING STAR PRESS ONTO DREDD…She goes for the cover….ONE…NO!

Hanson: Dredd tosses Chassie off of him, stands up, strikes her with a vicious right hand, and then he grabs he long hair and drags her to the turnbuckle…manhandles her onto the top rope…climbs to the second…CONCRETE PILEDRIVER….ONE…TWO…THREE!

Dennis: HERE IS YOUR WINNER, VIA PINFALL…DREEEEEEED!!!!

Vinegar: Another dominant performance from Dredd, but a great showing from Chassie Fear, the odds were stacked against her but she did try to take them down…and Dylan james looks like his mind is elsewhere, like he didn’t realise the calibre of opponents he’d be facing tonight…I’m sure he won’t make that mistake again…

Hanson: Dredd is just shaking his head, and he has refused to allow Peterson to raise his hand, and just turned ambivalently towards the exit and made his way to the back…

Dredd: 11
Chassie Fear: 1
Dylan James: 1

[Lord Hastings]

Dennis: The next match is scheduled for one fall, is a Tables Match and is for the Global Impact Wrestling Womens CHAAAAAAMPIONNSHIIIIIP!

Hanson: Now this is the first match I’ve been truly excited about all night, I have a good feeling my little firecracker is gonna regain that title tonight…

Vinegar: Gabrielle is a formidable opponent, and a strong champion, you really that optimistic?

Hanson: This is a table match Vinegar…that’s My Sweethearts FAVOURITE all time match, she’s got this one in the bag, I can feel it…

Vinegar: Yeah…I can see that…would you maybe stop?

“Warriors Code” Starts to play on the arena PA, and Chinatsu Chen appears in front of the Madison Square Garden crowd, dragging a table behind her.

Dennis: Introducing first, the challenger, from Tokyo Japan, CHINAAAAAATSUUUUUUUU CHEEEEEEEN!!!

Vinegar: That looks like one hefty table Daniel…

Hanson: That’s how it goes down in Japan Nicholas, they don’t just use flimsy plywood with legs stuck on it, this is a proper table….the wood is just over an inch thick…the legs are genuine cast iron and thick…it’s not going to be the usual routine to put your opponent through this table…

Vinegar: But surely there are other tables at ringside…

Hanson: Not for this match, the table in Chen’s possession is THE table for this match…if Gabrielle wants to retain, she’s gonna have to put Chinatsu through that very table…

Vinegar: Well things just got interesting folks…looks like we’ve got a Japanese Style table Match coming up…who’d have thought…

“Envy” Hits the arena sound system…

Dennis: And introducing her opponent, from Auckland New Zealand, she is ‘The Diamond Princess’, she is also the GIW Womens CHAAAAAMPION! GAAAABRIELLEEEE MAAAADDISSSSSOOOOON MOOOOOONTGOOOOOMERYYYYYY!!!!

With the arena lights turning to colours of purple and gold Gabrielle walks out to the top of the entranceway, showing off whatever elegant dress she has on with a quick twirl before removing the championship belt from around her waist and making her way down to the ring whilst holding the title above her head, climbing up onto the ring apron she motions the Dennis over and hands him the championship, also getting him to assist her into the ring where she takes center stage allowing the Dennis to clasp the championship belt back around her waist.

Vinegar: Gabby looks over at the Table that Chen has left outside the ring, and she smirks, she doesn’t look too worried by it…

Hanson: That’s ‘cause she hasn’t really experienced it yet…she’ll realise the seriousness of the situation soon enough…but it’ll probably be too late and Chen will sweep in and reclaim the title. And I will be there, the first person to congratulate her, I will pull her petite frame to my chest and celebrate in her euphoria with her…

Vinegar: You know she has a boyfriend?

Hanson: Pfft! He doesn’t compare to the mighty Daniel Hanson-san!

Vinegar: Riiiight….Anyway Hazel East has finished patting these ladies down…

Hanson: I’d love that job….not refereeing, just patting the girls down…

Vinegar: I’ll look into getting you a transfer….

DING!

Vinegar: This match is underway, and Gabby with the first move attempting to lock up with Chen, but Chinatsu sidesteps and manages to execute a quick hip toss on the Champion, and holds on to exert pressure with an armbar…

Hanson: Straight away Chen showing she knows how to intelligently wrestle…

Vinegar: I’m not sure what good applying pressure to Gabby’s arm will be in a Table Match…Chen Steps over…and then drops a leg onto Gabby’s shoulder whilst holding that arm…

Hanson: See…it’ll be difficult to put Chen through a table if Gabby loses the use of her arm…

Vinegar: Well Chen now dragging Gabby to her feet and whipping her into the ropes, on her way back Chen drops down into a splits, as Gabby somersaults over her back into the ropes…and now they are coming back…Chen leaps for a head scissor takedown, but Gabby is ready and merely throws Chen into the canvas…great bit of action right there Hanson…

Hanson: I don’t see what was so great about it, Chinatsu is obviously hurt…

Vinegar: And Gabrielle like a vulture takes no time in going over to stomp on Chen…

Hanson: NO! Chen wasn’t that hurt after all, she grabs Gabby’s leg and drags her onto the canvas and begins to twist on Gabby’s knee…she’s obviously trying to immobilise the Champion, which is a very wise move…

Vinegar: I wouldn’t disagree with that, it’s gonna take a hell of an effort to put your opponent through that table on the outside, let alone if you’re struggling to walk….but Gabby twists, and kicks Chen in the face breaking the hold, and she gets to her feet, a little uncertainly but the Champion is back up…and now stomps away on Chen…she looks furious…

Hanson: She’s humiliated, so far in this match Chen has outwrestled her…

Vinegar: Well she drags Chen to her feet, and hits her with a Savate Kick which sends Chen to the canvas…and now Gabby slips out of the ring…she looks at the table, but looks unsure that now is the time to bring it into play…so instead she has just ripped Mitchell Dennis from his chair and she folds it up and gets back in the ring…

Hanson: Only for Chen to hit her with a dropkick to the face, causing Gabby to drop that chair…Chen looks at it, but merely kicks it to the side, and brings Gabrielle to her feet and hits a vertical suplex on our Champion, does not let go of her neck on impact, but rolls backward and yanks on Gabrielle’s neck whilst squatting above her…

Vinegar: But Gabby brings up her long left leg and connects wth the back of Chinatsu’s head and causes her to roll to the floor clutching her head…and now Gabby gets to her feet, but she is holding onto her neck, and grimacing…but she regains composure and see’s the chair, and picks it back up…and Chen gets to her feet…BOOM!...and is met by a madly swung chair from the Champion, and Chen gets knocked backwards and back onto the canvas…Gabby slams the chair onto Chens chest…then turns to the turnbuckle…SPLIT LEGGED MOONSAUL…!

Hanson: NO! Chen raises the chair and her knee’s and Gabrielle’s midsection meet’s the steel and she falls to the floor acrobatically whilst clutching her chest…and Chen again tosses the chair aside…the only foreign object she wants to use is the table…you gotta respect that kind of honour…

Vinegar: Yet if Travis Roberts manipulates a squad of Marines to assassinate Chen’s cousin later tonight you’d be all for that!

Hanson: It’s not ladylike to swing chairs around…and My Oriental Firecracker knows that…and she leaps onto the second rope, and hits a springboard elbow drop to the midsection of the champion…rises to her feet and then hits a standing moonsault…and she looks to the outside towards the table…look at that smile, so delicate…

Vinegar: But as she turns to exit the ring and retrieve the table Gabby grabs her ankle and twists and tugs sending Chinatsu to the canvas…and Gabby climbs to her feet once more, and stomps on Chinatsu for good measure…then walks over towards the chair, grabbing it with two hands and turning towards Chen who is climbing to her feet…and swings the chair…but Chen sidesteps, and the chair hits the top rope and rebounds into ‘The Diamond Princesses’ face, who staggers and turns falling to one knee, but still holding the chair…

Hanson: But Chinatsu rebounds of the ropes…SHINING WIZARD INTO THE CHAIR!!! Gabby raised that chair in protection…

Vinegar: The steel drives into Gabby’s face, the only thing separating her face from Chens knee…but it’s done damage to Chinatsu too, who’s now rolling on the floor clutching that knee, as Gabby clutches her hands against her face…she’s probably worried that move could have jeopardised future Photo Shoot’s for men’s magazines…

Hanson: As she draws her hands from her face, she runs them over the contours of her features, checking everything is still as it should be…

Vinegar: And she seems satisfied that nothing has been completey damaged by that chair, and she gets to her feet…but it seems to have affected her somewhat as no sooner is she on her feet that she seems to lose balance and staggers back and leans against the ropes for a few moments…

Hanson: Whilst Chen drags herself to her feet…but she’s unsteady on that right knee, looks like she’s avoiding putting too much pressure onto it…

Vinegar: That move has given both of these competitors a reason to reassess their tactics…it seems the chair shot has done even more damage to Gabrielle’s neck, and now she clutches it with her right hand…

Hanson: And Chinatsu half runs, half hops at Gabby going for a clothesline, but Gabby dodges and with an almighty effort slings Chen directly over the top rope to the arena floor in front of us….

Vinegar: And falls to her knee’s clutching that injured neck, the speed and effort used in sending Chen outside, seems to have caused more damage to that neck…

Hanson: And now Chen has crawled over to the table, and drags it parallel to the apron of the ring, and then uses the ring and the table to drag herself to her feet…and then climbs onto the canvas…

Vinegar: Just as Gabby climbs through the ropes onto the canvas edge…both the Champion and Challenger face each other on the canvas…and start to exchange blows to the face…and Gabrielle gets a kick to Chens midsection, and shoves her head between her legs…goes to lift for a Powerbo…

Hanson: NO! Chen blocks with a punch to the gut, now Gabby’s head is in between Chen’s legs…she lifts and leaps….CRADLE PILEDRIVER!!! ONTO THE TABLE!!!!

Vinegar: CHRIST! They didn’t go through the table…Gabrielles head has just bounced off the inch thick wood, and both competitors are out on the arena floor…Chen clutching her knee, that was a risky move, and it seems to have backfired…look at the table…it hasn’t broken, but there is a round dent where Gabby’s skull was driven into it…

Hanson: Oh my god…look at Gabby…look at all the blood! The top of her head has been busted open and blood is running down her face, her back, all through her hair…she looks like a Crimson Goddess right now…and she runs her hands over her head and then takes a look at them…look at her face, she is in shock…

Vinegar: I’m in shock! That table stays standing…

Hanson: I told you this ain’t a flimsy plywood table…it’s like the ones ya get in school…built to last…

Vinegar: That’s not exactly practical for this kind of match…

Hanson: At least it’s brutal…you don’t get this kind of action between two women ANYWHERE else…

Vinegar: Unless you go to japan…

Hanson: Unlike Chen most of those Japanese Women Wrestlers look like men…this is the only place ya get phenomenal looking women beating the crap out of one another…

Vinegar: Gabrielle get back in the ring, but is followed by Chen…

Hanson: Chen hits a Huricanrana…and then drags Gabby to the turnbuckle…places her on top, facing outwards towards the arena fans…climbs up…Oh My God…she’s gonna go for a Super Pulling Piledriver to the Outside…

Vinegar: NO! Gabby manages to punch Chen on that damaged right knee, and then pushes Chen backwards…Chen flies off the turnbuckle, and lands directly on the table down below…Gabby stands unsteadily and then leaps…ELBOW DROP!

Hanson: BUT CHEN MOVES!!! And Gabby crashes into the table…

Vinegar: But the table merely buckles, this match is still not over…and Chen knows it and climbs onto the table, pulling Gabby up by her bloodied hair…but Gabby manages to hit a lowblow…Chen doubles over…Gabrielle hoists her onto her shoulder…the pain of the effort clearly visible on her face…34 DOUBLE D DDT!!! AND THE TABLES BREAKS!!!

Hanson: NO! Christ is Chen alright…the table has snapped in half…

DING! DING! DING!

Dennis: Here is your winner…and STIIIIIIILL G…I…W…WOOOOOOMEEEEENSSSS CHAAAMPION. GAAAAAAAAAAABRIEEEEEELLEEEEEEE!!!!

Vinegar: My god, these two women gave everything, and both are still on the arena floor, Hazel East presents the title to Gabrielle, who gets to her feet, covered in blood, unsteady but victorious…she looks like she’s been through hell, and she has…

Hanson: And Chen is gingerly pulling herself to her feet…and she bows as a sign of respect to Gabrielle…before collapsing into a heap on the floor…but she gets back to her feet…and turns and leaves…

Vinegar: As Gabrielle hoists her title in the air…if this is any indication, we have a hell of a lot in store for us tonight...

Gabrielle: 9
Chinatsu Chen: 4

[Lord Hastings]

Dennis: The following contest, scheduled for one fall is the first of your GIW Battleground, double main event and is for the Global Heavyweight championship!

“Bummer” starts to play, about half a minute later Travis Roberts walks out to the top of the ramp to a loud but mixed response from the crowd.

Dennis: Introducing first the challenger! From Los Angeles, California! He weighs in at 220lbs. He is the Number One contender! The Blessed One! Travis Roberrrrrrrrts!

Travis starts to make his way down the ramp when his eye catches a girl in the front row about half way down. He takes a step to head towards her but drags himself back reluctantly and walks down the rest of the way, the young woman left looking quite disappointed. Travis climbs into the ring and waits, slouched in the corner for his opponent to arrive.

Vinegar: Wow, I think Travis Roberts may actually be focussed on this match.

Hanson: The Blessed One is always focussed Nick, you should mind your words.

Tall as a Mountain!
I’m Gonna Tear Through the Sky!
Life’s for the Taking!

There’s a huge pop from the crowd, most of which are on their feet as “Mountains” starts to play. The camera pans around the stands, picking out countless Komosube themed signs. Back on Komosube a rain of cherry blossom petals falls around him.

Dennis: And the opponent! From Kyoto Japan! Weighing in at 409lbs! He is your Global Heavyweight Champion! The Japanese Powerhouse, Komosuuuuuube!

Komosube starts to walk down the ramp, only slightly, but just visibly limping.

Vinegar: And here’s the Champion. I think he’s still suffering slightly from that cheap, vicious attack by his challenger three weeks ago. That knee brace still attached for this match-up. That’s obviously going to be a major target for Travis Roberts in this match.

Komosube throws the belt over the top rope into the ring and climbs in, sweeping it up again and holding his arms up. HIROSHIMA! He yells at the top of his voice. He throws the belt out towards Old Man Hermit and starts to yell at Travis in Japanese. Glenn Burke slides back into the ring, having retrieved the belt again and holds it up above his head, presenting it to the crowd before returning it back to Hermit.

Vinegar: There’s the bell and we’re going to get this going. What’s your early prediction for this one partner? If I even need to ask.

Hanson: Of course you don’t, and no-one else should. Komosube may as well hand the belt over now and save himself the pain. In fact, that’s exactly what he should do, couldn’t he read The Revolution’s letter? It’d be better for everyone that way.

Vinegar: I hope I don’t live to see the day that Komosube goes down without a fight. The two of them are circling each other like a pair of wild animals here.

Hanson: Yeah, Travis Roberts looks like a tiger deciding which bit of a wildebeest to eat first.

Vinegar: Komosube’s extending a hand. Looks like he wants to go for the hand lock up and the Headliner looks a little unsure of it.

Hanson: No way, look, he’s taken the hand and given him the other.

Vinegar: Probably not a wise decision as Komosube’s already forced him down onto his knees.

Hanson: I think Travis has a plan though. He’s got his feet onto the bottom rope and he’s climbing his legs up. Still holding that oaf’s hands he just leapt over his head and broke his grip. Mule kick.

Vinegar: Oh why aren’t I surprised it took us less than a minute to see that. Blatant cheap shot but Komosube’s still on his feet and he looks angry. He’s turned around and walks straight into a vicious knife edge chop.

Hanson: I could hear that shot down here.

Vinegar: I think everyone in the arena could hear that shot. Komosube retaliates with his own overhand chop. My god, Travis Roberts clutching his chest in pain from that blow.

Hanson: Another back hand chop from The Headliner.

Vinegar: Komosube winces but hits another overhand chop and Travis staggers back into the corner. I wouldn’t be surprised if that one drew blood. Komosube looms over Travis in the corner and lands several more overhand and knife edge chops to his chest, the crowd cheering each one. After the last Travis falls out of the corner and walks slowly away, leant on the ropes. Vicious shots by the champion and he goes for the Irish Whip.

Hanson: Travis dodges the clothesline attempt on the rebound and comes back with a shoulder block.

Vinegar: I’m not sure Komosube even felt that. He sure didn’t move. Travis off the ropes again and hits another shoulder block. Komosube shrugs it off through.

Hanson: Travis runs to the ropes again and goes for a flying shoulder block…

Vinegar: Countered by Komosube who pulls him down into a modified hip toss. Leg drop by the champion and he holds it for a cover.

1!

Hanson: Easy kick out by The Blessed One. Not even the weight of one of Komosube’s fat legs can hold him down.

Vinegar: A moment of overconfidence we’ve come to expect from Komosube there but he’s still in full control. He’s got Roberts back onto his feet and executes a perfect vertical suplex.

Hanson: The Blessed One gets back to his feet though and runs off the ropes.

Vinegar: Komosube with a shoulder block of his own this time and Travis falls flat on his back. Komosube’s laughing at him now, I think he was expecting more, even if he wouldn’t admit it, Travis is backing off to the corner.

Hanson: It’s all part of the plan Nick, you should have faith in the Blessed One.

Vinegar: Komosube with another overhand chop across the chest, and a back elbow for good measure. He’s backed off, I think he’s lining up a run up. Avalanche-

Hanson: Travis dodged it, into a drop toe hold! Komosube’s head just bounced off the turnbuckle. I told you, it was all possum playing.

Vinegar: I wouldn’t go that far but this is certainly a turn around for The Headliner and no surprise he’s stomping on that injured knee. Komosube open hand slaps Travis around the face, Travis staggering back, holding his cheek.

Hanson: What!? He can’t do that. He just slapped the Blessed One. Has he got no respect?

Vinegar: I think he’s showing Travis Roberts all the respect he deserves.

Hanson: I won’t be surprised if you get fired tomorrow for such talk. Komosube goes for a running clothesline but the Headliner hits a low dropkick and the fat oaf goes down.

Vinegar: Roberts takes the leg and locks in that step over toe hold. Komosube’s grimacing with the strain of that knee being bent at that strange angle.

Hanson: He’s gonna tap Nick, Komosube’s gonna tap out to this little hold.

Vinegar: Or not. Komosube kicks Travis off and he falls against the ropes. The champion fighting back up to his knees as Travis recovers. He’s raining down right hands on Komosube’s head but the powerhouse shoves him away and gets back to his feet.

Hanson: Travis runs at him again -

Vinegar: And gets caught in a releasing overhead belly to belly suplex. He damn near flew across the ring. Komosube’s back up and gets into the corner. I think that knee brace is bothering him, he’s trying to adjust it somehow.

Hanson: That idiot took his eyes off the Blessed One and Travis hits him with a clothesline in the corner.

Vinegar: Series of forearm shots in the corner trying to soften the Champion up some. Roberts climbing up the turnbuckle. Tornado DDT! Cover by the challenger.

1!

2!

Vinegar: Kick out by Komosube but I think that shot dazed him.

Hanson: He’s going back to his legs. He’s going to lock in the reverse figure four, yes, there it is!

Vinegar: I can’t begin to imagine the pain Komosube’s in right now, we can hear him screaming down here. He’s edging towards the ropes though.

Hanson: They’re miles away, he’ll never reach them.

Vinegar: Great display of will by the Champion as he’s dragging the Headliner behind him and gets a hand on the ropes. He’s not breaking the hold though, Glenn Burke stepping in.

1! 2! 3! 4!

Vinegar: Roberts finally accepting the rope break and letting go, the referee splitting them up, looks like he wants a word with Travis about that one.

Hanson: He didn’t do anything wrong. He’s just giving Komosube time to recover. That’s cheating. As they speak Komosube gets back to his feet using the ropes. Travis notices and pushes Burke out of his way.

Vinegar: Travis shoving the referee and - superkick! Superkick by Komosube! He damn near took his head off! I still can’t believe a man his size can get his leg that high. Lateral press.

1!

2!

Hanson: Another kick out by Travis Roberts.

Vinegar: Only just though. I think Komosube thought he had it. He’s dragged him back to his feet, Irish whip.

Hanson: Travis catches himself against the ropes. He’s not going to let him do whatever he had planned there.

Vinegar: I don’t think Komosube’s worried, he just clotheslined him over the top rope and down to the arena floor.

Hanson: I don’t like the way that tub of lard is looking at him. I think he’s going to do something bad.

Vinegar: I think he is too. He’s running back to the ropes. Oh God Komosube don’t do it! He runs and vaulting body presses over the top rope onto Travis, just as he’s got to his feet! The crowd explodes here, chatning words that I can’t repeat! Komosube clambers to his feet, raises his arms and screams. “Hail Hiroshima!”

Hanson: I think The Blessed One just got a few inches thinner. I can’t believe that fatty could even jump that high. And now Glenn Burke has counted to six. Komosube rolls into the ring and back out, resetting the time.

Vinegar: Komosube probably could have won by count out right there but I don’t think he has any intention of taking that kind of a win. He’s got Travis up and just threw him shoulder first into the steps.

Hanson: That should be a disqualification! He’s using weapons.

Vinegar: You realise Travis won’t win the Title then right?

Hanson: Oh…yeah…

Vinegar: Komosube stomping him against the steps but the count’s back up to 7. The Powerhouse shoves him back in and rolls under the bottom rope. He’s picked him up by the hair and swept him off the ground. Gorilla press, look at the strength!

Hanson: Put him down you fat bastard!

Vinegar: Real professional there Daniel. Good job. I think you’re going to get your wish though. Komosube just dropped him behind him.

Hanson: But the Blessed One lands on his feet. That was a great piece of midair adjustment. And Komosube hasn’t even noticed.

Vinegar: Komosube turns back to admire his handiwork and catches a spinning wheel kick straight to the jaw.

Hanson: That shot took him clean off his feet. Now we don’t see this often, Travis is heading up to the top rope.

Vinegar: High risk manoeuvre in the works. Komosube slowly getting to his feet but he turns straight into a diving front dropkick, clean on his jaw. Travis goes for the cover, hooks a leg.

1!

2!

Vinegar: Two and a half count but the Champion gets a shoulder up. Travis goes back to the knee, he’s tearing at that knee brace. Komosube’s trying to stop him but The Headliner stomps on his head and pulls the brace away. That knee’s completely unsupported now!

Hanson: Let’s see how he can cope without his crutch. Spinning knee crush by Travis.

Vinegar: He’s trying to get him back up to his feet but you can see Komosube’s uncomfortable on that injured leg now. Jawbreaker by Travis Roberts, that shook him up a bit and The Headliner follows up with some vicious shots driving him back into the corner.

Hanson: He’s going to place him up on the turnbuckle.

Vinegar: I don’t think he’s going to manage that partner.

Hanson: Of course he will, look.

Vinegar: Slowly, having to stop constantly to land more stiff right hands to keep Komosube groggy, sure enough, Travis gets him sat on the top turnbuckle and starts climbing too.

Hanson: Told ya. I think he’s gonna go for the superplex.

Vinegar: Komosube’s fighting him off though and throws him back down to the mat. I think he wants to jump. Body splash-!

Hanson: The Blessed One rolls away and Komosube gets nothing but mat. Straight into a front face lock. He’s keeping the chimp grounded.

Vinegar: He’s going to have to. Great display of resilience on the Headliner’s behalf to even still be in this one and now grinding his opponent down.

Hanson: I think he’s going to tap out.

Vinegar: You always think that and again it looks like you’re wrong cause he’s fighting back up to his feet again.

Hanson: Stiff knees from Travis though before he breaks the hold. Headlock takedown he holds the lock down on the mat.

Vinegar: Komosube fighting back to his feet again though. Goes for a backdrop suplex. Blocked by the Headliner and into a Russian legsweep.

Hanson: Great counter and he’s got Komosube back up. Irish whip and a running big boot on the rebound.

Vinegar: He’s headed back up to the top rope. Another high risk attack coming up. I think he may be looking to finish him off. Diving elbow drop, straight into Komosube’s chest. Cover attempt!

1!

2!

Vinegar: Kick out again by Komosube and I think The Blessed One is wondering what it’s going to take to keep him down. And I think the answer is just making his way down to the ring.

Hanson: Yeah!

Vinegar: Declan Prescott swaggers down to the ring, stopping at ringside. He says something to Travis but stays outside as Travis picks Komosube back up. I think he’s going to go for the White Out. He’s got him tucked in that DDT position, arms crossed.

Hanson: This is going to be all over.

Vinegar: But there’s no way he’s going to lift him and Komosube knows it. Countered into a back body drop. Travis quickly gets back to his feet and bounces off the ropes, straight into a brutal power slam from the Japanese Powerhouse! Komosube bellows something incomprehensible and starts looking back and forth between the ropes and his prone opponent. Oh, not again, he’s got that look in his eyes. Brace yourselves! Springboard Banzai-Sault!

Hanson: This isn’t right…

Vinegar: Komosube bounds towards the ropes and jumps onto the second rope, leaning back for the moonsault. As he does so Declan Prescott grabs his foot. Komosube lands hard and awkwardly on his neck. That dastardly fiend! If Komosube had hit that this would have all been over!

Hanson: You know he did the right thing. Komosube losing is best for all of us.

Vinegar: Travis is getting back to his feet. The Blessed One and the Significant Player seem to be discussing something. I don’t think Travis knows how he’s going to end this one. Prescott seems to be signing something to him.

Hanson: The Revolution has a plan. Of course they do.

Vinegar: Travis is getting Komosube back up but he’s dead on his feet. Runs off the ropes-- SIGNIFICANT IMPACT!!! He just used Prescott’s finisher! He’s gone for the cover, leg hooked!

1!

2!

3!

Vinegar: That’s it, this ones over!

Dennis: Here is your winner, and new, Global Heavyweight Champion! Travis Roberrrrrrrts!!!

Hanson: Yes! Finally, the true Champion is crowned!

Glenn Burke is passed the Title belt and hands it over to Travis who’s staggering back to his feet, clearly exhausted. Declan Prescott climbs in and holds Travis’s arm up while he raises the belt with the other.

Vinegar: Well like it or not, The Revolution’s plan has come together and we have a new Heavyweight Champion, the Headliner, Travis Roberts.

Hanson: It’s time to usher in the new age, Nick!

Travis Roberts: 10

Komosube: 1

[Lord Hastings]

The camera reveals a large, roofed, chain link cage being lowered around the ring from the ceiling of Madison Square Garden. The arena is buzzing with excitement, as the fans eagerly await the revealing of the Battleground match. Mitchell Dennis stands in the centre of the ring, looking somewhat nervous, as the giant metal structure lowers around him.

Hanson: Hey, that thing looks really similar to the cage from hell in a ce -

Vinegar: No idea what you’re talking about. GIW only uses original ideas!

Hanson: Yo momma jokes, a CM Punk wannabe that sells his body to Satan and a serial killer janitor?

Vinegar: So it’s gonna be one of those main events, huh?

Hanson: But look, Nick, there’s a big difference between this cage and the ones that other company uses. This one doesn’t just have regular chain link for walls… THAT’S BARBED WIRE!!

Vinegar: My God you’re right! And these men are expected to fight in that?!

Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen good evening! You’ve seen that seeing is believing! Your ears and your eyes will be bleeding! Please check to see if you’re still breathing!

Crowd: …

Dennis: Wait, what am I saying?! Just imagine them all in their underwear, Mitch. Especially Old Man Hermit. No, fuck! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IT IS NOW TIME FOR THE BATTLEGROUND MATCH!!!

Crowd: W00T!!!

Dennis: In this match, two competitors will start inside the cage. Every five minutes, another competitor will enter the match from the backstage area. The match will be contested under elimination rules, where a competitor must leave the match once they have suffered a fall. The last remaining competitor, once all six competitors have entered the match, will be declared the winner! Falls can only be counted via submission or knock out. A competitor is deemed knocked out if they are unable to answer a ten count or their arm drops three times while in a submission hold. There will be no disqualifications, no count outs, no rope breaks and pin falls can take place anywhere! NOW LET’S ROLL, BITCHES!!!

“Kickstart My Heart” begins playing, to a massive pop from the fans. Brandon Brown makes his way onto the stage, doing nothing fancy, just his taunts.

Dennis: Introducing the first competitor, from Albion, Indiana and weighing 190 pounds… BRRRRRRRRRRRRRANDON BRRRRRRRRRROWN!!!

Vinegar: Brandon Brown the first man entering this Battleground match. And he and the next man to come out are at the biggest disadvantage to win this thing, as they’ll have to survive for the longest time.

Hanson: And that’s the key, Nick, ‘survive’. This match is going to be completely brutal. And survival is going to take priority over winning or these guys may end up shortening not only their careers, but their lives!

Vinegar: But there’s so much on the line in this bout. We know how much a Global Title opportunity means to a guy like Brown. I really think it means more than life itself and he’ll do whatever he possibly can to be victorious here tonight, no matter the consequences.

Hanson: So he’ll probably be back to talking to belts by this time next week, then?

“Immortal” begins playing and Donovan Hastings enters the arena, greeted by a chorus of boos. He pauses on the stage, performs his taunt, with an almost regal aura and begins heading down the ramp.

Dennis: And the second competitor, from Hartford, Connecticut and weighing 230 pounds, The Immortal Lord Of Pain… DONOVAAAAAAAAAAAN HAAAAAAAAAAAAAASTINGS!!!!

Vinegar: Hastings not receiving much love here. And he’s eyeing off Peterson, as he enters the cage here. We all know what match The Lord Of Pain will request here if he is to win. But the chances of doing that seem pretty slim with his entrant number.

Hanson: Nonsense. The motivation of whippin’ Peterson’s tubby, donut filled ass will be all Lord Hastings needs to come out number one!

Vinegar: Well Peterson has locked that cage door and Hastings is in the ring, so it seems we’re gonna find out if you’re words are true, Dan. The bell has sounded and here we go. For the next five minutes it’s Brown and Hastings, one-on-one.

Hanson: That sounds real dirty, Nick…

Vinegar: Pfft, what could possible sound dirty about two sweaty, muscular men grappling inside a ring?

Hanson: …

Vinegar: Alright, Hastings and Brown lock up! This long awaited match is finally here! The technical prowess of The Immortal shining through and he connects with a headlock takedown. But Brown’s speed allowing him to get back to his feet almost instantly. A knife hand chop to Hastings echoes around Madison Square Garden. And a second and a third - NO! Hastings ducks this time and sends Brandon to the mat with a double leg takedown.

Hanson: And he’s looking for a headlock, while Brown is still on the mat. Lord Hastings has the advantage, while the match takes place inside the ring.

Vinegar: Brown can hold his own no doubt, as the former Champion scrambles from Hastings’ grasp and clambers back to his feet. The Immortal not far behind and connects with a hip toss. Brown rolling straight through and up again and delivering a stiff inverted atomic drop to Hastings. That'll slow even an immortal down. Now Brown bouncing off the ropes and scoring with a jumping forearm right to Hastings’ head.

Hanson: Dammit, this is all Peterson’s fault!

Vinegar: He’s outside the cage! How can it possible be his fault?!

Hanson: You tell me, Nick… you tell me!

Vinegar: Oh for God’s sake… back in the ring, Brown drops a jumping elbow across the downed Hastings and connects. Now looks for a knee drop, but The Immortal rolls to safety. Getting back up now, but the former two time Global Champ is ready and plants him with a DDT!

Hanson: And this match is starting off with some pretty standard offence. That’s a smart idea, as these guys don’t want to use up all their energy before any of the other competitors even get to the ring.

Vinegar: You’re spot on there. These two guys are going to need all the stamina in the world to make it through this match. But right now Hastings has bigger problems, as Brown has locked in a camel clutch and is squeezing the life out of Hastings.

Hanson: You’re wrong, Nick! He doesn’t have it locked in. Not entirely. Lord Hastings able to get his feet on the mat and dumps Brown forward, over his head and sends the little chipmunk rolling to the canvas.

Vinegar: But Brown doesn’t take long to get back up, only to eat a smashing DDT from Hastings!! Now The Lord Of Pain with a headlock to the grounded Brown. But Brandon fighting his way to his feet, trying to break out of his opponent’s grip. Brown back up, but Hastings still twisting away with that headlock. Brandon able to counter into a back suplex and dumps The Immortal right on his head!

Hanson: Not cool, homey! Brown’s climbing up to the top rope!!

Vinegar: And Brown's got something big planned here! But he’s not leaping from the ropes. Instead he’s grabbed onto the ceiling and is monkey barring his way over to Hastings! He’s gonna drop right on top of him!! He’s cutting up his hands on that razor wire for a chance to take out Donovan! But can that ceiling support him?!

Hanson: He weighs less than my janglies, for God’s sake. Then again, I doubt that metal could withstand the might of my janglies.

Vinegar: AND HERE COMES BRO -

10!

9!

8!

7!

6!

5!

4!

3!

2!

1!!!

“Teahouse” kicks into play and the fans begin cheering madly. Alex Kiseragi emerges on the stage, performing two right roundhouse kicks in time with two small pyro, before a split legged back flip, as a much larger pyro goes off. He then makes a beeline for the ring.

Dennis: And the third competitor, ALEEEEEEEEX ‘THE DRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAGON’ KIERRRRRRRRRAGI!!!!

Vinegar: Well here we go! During the distraction, Hastings got to his feet and pulled Brandon down from the ceiling! Brandon is down, but Kiseragi is not! The Dragon in the ring and blasts Hastings with a MASSIVE spinning wheel kick. Hastings quickly back up, but Kiseragi sends him flying over the ropes with an incredible dropkick! The Immortal goes tumbling right over the ropes and crashing into the cage wall!

Hanson: And now Brown is getting back up, but it looks like his ankle may be bothering him, after he landed feet first on the canvas from the roof.

Vinegar: He won’t let that stop him though, as he goes on the offensive. Kiseragi is prepared and dodges a clothesline from the former Champ. Now he connects with a head scissor and sends Brown flying across the ring. Kiseragi on fire here and what would a victory mean for his rookie career?! He could propel himself straight to the Global Title.

Hanson: Well he’d have to get through Travis Roberts to do that and that just ain’t gonna happen. But right now he’s got bigger problems. Lord Hastings is crawling into the ring behind him.

Vinegar: Hastings with a cut on his forehead and bleeding quite noticeably. That shows how vicious and unforgiving that barbed wire is.

Hanson: And you don’t wanna be bleeding this early in the match, because that’s gonna take a lot out of you. But now Hastings is up behind Kiseragi and - WHAT?!?!

Vinegar: The Dragon was ready and hit a quick backwards kick into Hastings’ gut! Now Kiseragi looking for a DDT, but Hastings counters with a leg sweep and sends Kiseragi onto his back. The Lord Of Pain not looking too happy, that Kiseragi busted him open by kicking him into the cage wall.

Hanson: I think it was a wake up call for our Lord. He knows he’s gonna have top step up his game now.

Vinegar: Easier said than done, as Brown charges out of nowhere and turns him inside out with a massive clothesline!! AND NOW BROWN IS CALLING FOR THE SUPERKICK!!! HASTINGS BACK UP AND EATS BROWN’S BOOT - NO!!!

Hanson: HA! HASTINGS DUCKS AND GRABS BROIWN FOR THE DESTINY’S CALL!!!

Vinegar: BUT BROWN COUNTERS AND FLIPS HASTINGS OVER HIS BACK, SENDING THE IMMORTAL CRASHING TO THE CANVAS! BUT KISERAGI OUT OF NOWHERE WITH A HURRICARANA SENDS BROWN THROUGH THE TOP AND MIDDLE ROPES AND FLYING FACE FIRST INTO THE BARBED WIRE!!!

Hanson: Damn! That was insane! You see the air Brown got on that?!

Vinegar: Oh I saw it and I’m not sure he’ll be getting up anytime soon after that brutal spot! But Hastings is getting back up and Kiseragi seems poised and ready. BOOM! He kicks him right in that opened up forehead with a shuffle sidekick!! Hastings rolling across the canvas, like he doesn’t even know where he is!

Hanson: Even if Kiseragi is an uptight, dorky, closet homosexual, I gotta admit that those feet of his a deadly! But luckily for us, The Immortal can’t be killed!

Vinegar: Kiseragi looks like he’s ready to test that theory, Dan! He pulls Hastings up and whips him to the ropes. Connects with an incredible standing moonsault dropkick on the rebound!!! Kiseragi in complete control here and -

10!

9!

8!

7!

6!

5!

4!

3!

2!

1!!!

[Lord Hastings]

“Diamond In The Rough” smashes into play and the arena instantly fills with boos. Jack Severino stands on the entrance way, his back facing the arena and arms out either side of himself, before he spins around, his arms still outstretched. He then begins marching down the ramp, his eyes set squarely on Kiseragi.

Dennis: And the number four competitor… ‘DIAMOOOOOOOOOOOND’ JAAAAAAAAACK SEVERRRRRRRRRRRRINO!!!!

Vinegar: My God, it’s the 6’5, 280 pound mountain of a man, Jack Severino! And he’s in the cage now, going straight after Kiseragi!

Hanson: The dweeb is in trouble now. He charges at the ropes, as Severino slides in the other side and is going on the offence on the rebound. It’s not gonna work kid, give it up.

Vinegar: This is one of those rare occasions where my broadcast partner is actually right. Severino with a well timed bicycle kick, thumps the holy hell out of Kiseragi. Severino is the biggest and strongest man in this match up and we all know he’s going to use that might to his advantage.

Hanson: Well of course he is, he’d have to be Chris Austin levels of retarded to not use his strength to his advantage. What’s wrong with you, Nick? And besides, might makes right and I don’t see anyone able to stop the raw power of The Diamond In The Rough.

Vinegar: Not even your precious Lord?

Hanson: Hey, Dan Dawg always has mad respect for Lord Hastings and faith that he'll rise above and win his right to beat the living hell out of Peterson, but he’s not looking too flash right now.

Vinegar: And it has nothing to do with the fact that he’s the least likely to challenge for Roberts’ Title?

Hanson: Heck no! Travis Roberts is up to face any challenger. Just like Severino is, as he’s now kicking the heck outta Kiseragi with some brutal stomps. Diamond Jack is in the driver’s seat right now, Nick, and not you or anyone else can deny that.

Vinegar: I certainly wouldn’t try. I know Severino has all the athletic ability in the world. I just wish he’d focus more on that and less on coming up with ridiculous nicknames for that harlot he keeps.

Hanson: !!!

Vinegar: And now Severino pulling Kiseragi up and looking for a mighty fireman’s carry! But Kiseragi breaks free in mid-flight, lands on his feet and scores with a MASSIVE kick to the jaw! Severino sent stumbling into the corner and Kiseragi charging towards the opposite ropes. He comes racing back and scores with a massive cross body into the corner!

Hanson: OH NO! NOW HE’S CALLING FOR THE DRAGON’S TAIL!

Vinegar: KISERAGI WITH A KICK TO THE GUT AND NOW - NO!!!! HASTINGS INTERVENES AND PLANTS THE DRAGON WITH A STIFF SPINEBUSTER!!!

Hanson: Haha! Lord Hastings comes back with a bang!

Vinegar: But Severino doesn’t exactly look grateful here. Are these two gonna go at it or form a temporary alliance?!

Hanson: ARGH! Neither! Brown back in the ring with a chair and smashes Lord Hastings right over the skull! He can’t do that!!

Vinegar: He just did! Brown’s face a bloody mess, but he’s still here and willing to fight on! But Severino booting that chair straight into Brandon’s face! And Now Diamond Jack is the only man still standing!

Hanson: Like I said, Nick, might makes right.

Vinegar: But this match is far from over. Kiseragi is getting back up and looking to continue this battle. But Severino is ready and lunges at The Dragon. He connects with a roundhouse kick and sends Kiseragi into the corner. Whips him violently across the ring and sends Alex smashing at high speed into the opposite corner. He’s probably decided that Kiseragi is still his biggest threat right now and has continued his assault. He picks The Dragon up and hits a fireman’s carry, sending Kiseragi's spine smashing onto the metal ring post!

Hanson: Now the guy with the dragon fetish goes toppling helplessly out of the ring. He’s just like a rag doll Ni -

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The sound of a Red Bull can popping, before a Zippo being lit echoes across Madison Square Garden. The fans erupt into ecstatic cheers, as Randy Boolzian, the Hardcore Title around his waist, begins heading from the back and to the ring.

Dennis: The number five entry… RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRANDY BOOOOOOOOLZIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!

Hanson: This is bad! BoolZ and barbed wire?! If he starts bleeding, who knows what he’ll give the other wrestlers?!

Vinegar: Nothing worse than most of them have already received, I’m sure. These fans going crazy as BoolZ slides into the ring and charges straight at the much bigger Severino, with no hint of fear!!

Hanson: And he’s landing right after left after right on Severino. But Diamond Jack with a stiff knee to the gut, followed by a thrashing right hand sends BoolZ to the mat. What was BoolZ thinking, trying to get into a fist fight with the biggest guy in the match?!

Vinegar: He was showing that he won’t back down! That, regardless of the opponent, the Red Bull Icon is always gonna give his all.

Hanson: And right now his ‘all’ seems to be a whole bunch of kicks to the head from Severino!

Vinegar: Hardly. BoolZ rolling out of the ring and in between the cage and the squared circle. Severino is hot on his trail, but now RBI finds himself face-to-face with Kiseragi! What’s going on here? Both men nod, grab an ankle each of Severino and pull him straight down on his back. Now they’re spreading his legs apart! My God I hope his tights don’t split!

Hanson: What the hell are they doing to Diamond J - ARGH!!!!

Vinegar: THEY JUST PULLED HIS SPLIT LEGS JANGLIE FIRST INTO THE BARBED WIRE WALL!!! GABRIELLE ISN’T GONNA LIKE THAT!!!

Hanson: MY GOD! I KNOW THIS IS NO DQ, BUT THAT SHOULDN’T BE ALLOWED!!! THEY MIGHT HAVE SLICED HIS JANGLIE BAG RIGHT OPEN!!!

Vinegar: No time to worry about that, as BoolZ is blasting away at Kiseragi with some crazed right hands! That alliance has ended as quickly as it started and now BoolZ whips The Dragon as hard as he can INTO THE CAGE WALL!!! KISERAGI EATING THAT BARBED WIRE AND BOOLZ IS PROVING WHY HE’S THE HARDCORE CHAMPION!!!

Hanson: And he’s still got that belt around his waist!! How mentally deficient can one person be?!

Vinegar: He seems to be doing alright for himself, as he slides back into the ring. Brandon Brown is back up and has that steel chair! BANG! HE JUST SMASHED BOOLZ RIGHT OVER THE HEAD!

Hanson: BUT LORD HASTINGS GOT HIM!!! AHAHAHAHA!!!

Vinegar: HASTINGS FROM BEHIND, SLAMS BROWN TO THE MAT AND LOCKS IN THE HANDS OF FATE!!! HE’S RIPPING AND TEARING WITH EVERYTHING HE HAS HERE AND BURKE IS ASKING BROWN IF HE QUITS!!! BROWN’S BODY FLAILING LIKE A FISH OUT OF WATER, AS HE SCRAMBLES DESPERATELY TO GET OUT OF THIS!!! BUT HE CAN’T!!! HE’S GOT NO CHOICE!!!! HE’S GOTTA QUIT!!!!

Hanson: AND IT LOOKS LIKE THE ONLY GLOBAL CHAMP IN THIS MATCH IS GONNA BE THE FIRST TO GO!!!

Vinegar: NO!!!! BOOLZ IS STARTING TO STIR AND HASTINGS IS FORCED TO RELEASE HIS GRIP TO GO ON THE OFFENSIVE AGAINST BOOLZ!!!

Hanson: Damn junkie doesn’t know to stay down when he should! But Lord Hastings will take care of him!

Vinegar: Hastings grabbing that chair and not wanting to waste anytime in disposing of RBI. He swings, but BoolZ ducks! He swings again and Randy again evades! Hastings with another swing, BUT THIS TIME BROWN SUPERKICKS HIM IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD!!!! HE DROPS THAT WEAPON AND GOES FALLING LIMPLY RIGHT INTO BOOLZ’ GRASP!!!!! DISCOMBOOLZALATOR RIGHT ONTO THE CHAIR!!!!

Hanson: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vinegar: BURKE STARTS THE COUNT, WHILE BOOLZ CHARGES BROWN!!! ONE! TWO! THREE!! BOOLZ WITH A SPINNING WHEEL KICK TO BROWN’S FACE! FOUR! FIVE! SIX! IF HASTINGS CAN’T GET UP FOR THIS TEN COUNT, HE’S THE FIRST MAN ELIMINATED FROM THE BATTLEGROUND MATCH!!! SEVEN! EIGHT! NINE! BOOLZ GOES DIVING OVER THE TOP ROPE AND CRASHING STRAIGHT INTO SEVERINO!!! HASTINGS BEGINNING TO STIR, BUT IT’S TOO LITTLE, TOO LATE!!! TEN!!!! HE’S OUTTA HERE!!!!

Hanson: THIS IS PATHETIC!!! THIS MATCH COULDN’T POSSIBLY GET ANY WORSE EVEN IF IT TRIED!!!

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“Fucking In The Bushes” smashes into play, to a huge cheer from the New York Fans. Chris Austin emerges from the stage and begins jogging down the ramp, looking entirely focused.

Dennis: And the final entrant… CHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSTIN!!!!!

Hanson: I SPOKE TOO SOON!!! FUCK BOOLZ, AUSTIN WILL GIVE EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN THE MATCH EVERY STI KNOWN TO MAN!!

Vinegar: I doubt that, but I can’t disagree that Austin will certainly hurt every person in this match. But he’ll use his fists!

Hanson: And he’s entering the cage just in time to see Lord Hastings on his way out. And look at that Peterson, chuckling to himself. YOU’RE GONNA GET YOURS, OWEN! YOU’RE GONNA GET YOURS?!

Vinegar: Who are you even talking to? No, maybe I don’t wanna know. Regardless, Austin is in the ring now, as Kiseragi and BoolZ are both climbing back in. Brown is back to his feet too and it seems we have a four way stand off! Severnio seems to be still cradling his crotch, after it tasted the barbed wire.

Hanson: And now all the competitors are out here and we’ve only had a single elimination. That’s nuts! Plus, it was the single worst elimination we could have had!

Vinegar: It’s because there are no pinfalls. When you can only lose by knockout or submission, it’s a lot harder to eliminate athletes. Especially athletes of this calibre. But now BoolZ going after Brown, while Austin is beating away at Kiseragi with some fast rights and lefts. BoolZ whips Brown at Austin and CA returns the favour with Kiseragi. Brandon and The Dragon collide mid-journey and go tumbling to the canvas. It seems RBI and Austin are working together here, at least for the moment.

Hanson: Well those guys at least have some intelligence. There’s no way either of them could win on their own. Not like this guy!

Vinegar: Diamond Jack back on the apron and not looking happy! But BoolZ and Austin charge and look for a double clothesline. Severino ducks it, grabs them both by their heads and guillotines them on the top rope!

Hanson: Now He’s getting in the ring Nick and it doesn’t look like any permanent damage was done to his janglies at least.

Vinegar: And Diamond Jack with a roundhouse kick to BoolZ’ skull, sends RBI reeling. But Austin with a spear, capitalises on the distraction and takes Severino down! Now he leaps onto the second rope and comes back with a springboard leg drop! But Severino rolls out of the way! Both men back up and Austin with a dropkick to the face blasts his much larger opponent.

Hanson: But Severino isn’t going down so easily! He’s still standing, Nick.

Vinegar: But Austin is looking to change that! A kick to the gut and looking for that flipping pedigree that he’s dedicated to Sean Jensen. But Severino counters and flips Austin over his back and right onto Brandon Brown!

Hanson: Yeah, Severino going to town!

Vinegar: Not quite! BoolZ back up and charges! He connects with a flying clothesline, while Kiseragi delivers a low kick to the back of Severino’s knees! The double attack sends the big man crashing down to the canvas. Kiseragi is lucky to avoid being crushed! But Austin using that chair, smashes Kiseragi right in the back and sends him flying out of the ring and back into that cage wall!

Hanson: Now Brown getting back up behind the Tommy wannabe and connects with an electric chair drop!

Vinegar: BoolZ takes the advantage and hits Brown with a dropki - NO! Brown dodges and BoolZ eats canvas. RBI racing back up, but Brown delivers a big German suplex! Now he’s picking up that chair and looks like he’s about to go to town on BoolZ! NO! Austin with a low blow saves RBI! AND NOW HE’S LOOKING FOR AUSTIN’S ASSASSINATION!!! BUT BROWN DUCKS AND CONNECTS WITH A SUPERKICK RIGHT INTO CHRIS’ FACE!!! THAT’S THE SECOND TIME WE’VE SEEN THAT THIS MATCH!!!! BUT BROWN NOT DONE YET!!! LOCKING IN THE CATTLE MUTILATION!!!!

Hanson: HAHA! AUSTIN IS GONE ALREADY! HE’S GOT NO CHOICE, BUT TO TAP!

Vinegar: WRONG! BOOLZ WITH THAT CHAIR SMACKS THE HOLY HELL OUTTA BROWN!!!

Hanson: I really can’t stand that guy…

Vinegar: I’m sure that doesn’t bother him in the least, as he pulls Brown up and slams him face first into the corner. And while Brown is dazed up against the turnbuckle, BoolZ runs to the ropes! Coming back looking for the No Fly Zone, BUT BROWN MOVES AND RBI GOES SPINE FIRST INTO THE CORNER!!!

Hanson: NOW BROWN LOOKING FOR THE GTS!!!!

Vinegar: BUT AUSTIN CHARGING TO INTERVENE! NO!!!! HE RUNS RIGHT INTO THE ONE CALCULATED SHOT FROM SEVERINO!!!! AUSTIN IS DOWN AND EAST STARTS THE COUNT!!!! MEANWHILE BROWN DELIVERS THE GTS TO BOOLZ!!!! THIS IS CHAOS!!!!

Hanson: And East is up to two, while Burke has started counting out BoolZ! We could have two eliminations within only a couple of seconds!

Vinegar: BUT THAT ISN’T STOPPING SEVERINO AND BROWN, AS EAST REACHES FOUR! DIAMOND JACK WITH A DOUBLE LEG SWEEP, SENDS BROWN TO THE MAT! FIVE! SIX! SEVEN! BUT NOW KISERAGI IS IN THE RING AND HE’S GOT A LADDER! I GUESS HE GOT SICK OF BEING THROWN INTO THAT CAGE WALL OVER AND OVER! EIGHT! NINE! NO! AUSTIN AND BOOLZ ARE BOTH BACK UP NOW!!!

Hanson: But Kiseragi looking to put an end to that! He swings that ladder at both of them and takes them clean out!!

Vinegar: No! BoolZ got hit, but the fresher Austin ducked in time! Now Chris looking for a springboard moonsault, but Kiseragi swings that ladder into him in midair!!! Both men collide and go tumbling to the mat! But Severino seems to be done with Brown for now and yanks Austin up by the hair. RISE OF BRUTALITY TO THE FORMER HARDCORE CHAMPION!!!! BUT THE DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH’S NOT DONE YET!!! HE LIFTS AUSTIN ABOVE HIS SHOULDERS AND HURLS HIM RIGHT INTO THAT CAGE WALL!!!!

Hanson: THAT’S A CRASH INTO BARBED WIRE AND THEN ABOUT TEN FEET OF FREE FALL! DIAMOND JACK RULES!!!

Vinegar: But Brown is up with that ladder behind the big man!! Severino turns around in time to see it and grabs the ladder himself!!! Now a tussle has ensued! But look at the size and strength difference! It’s only a matter of time before Severino is able to overpower Bro - WHAT?!?!?!

Hanson: A double dropkick from BoolZ and Kiseragi forces both Brown and Severino to drop that ladder!

Vinegar: Kiseragi taking down Diamond Jack, while RBI nails the former Global Champ! Now Kiseragi with a kick to the gut! DRAGON’S TAIL TO SEVERINO AND A DISCOMBOOLZALATOR TO BROWN, PLANTS BOTH MEN FACE FIRST ON THAT LADDER!!!!

Hanson: NO WAY!!!!

Vinegar: AND NOW BOTH EAST AND BURKE WITH A SIMELTANEOUS TEN COUNT WHILE BOOLZ AND KISERAGI LOOK ON, NOT HAVING THE ENERGY TO CONTINUE BATTLING EACH OTHER!! ONE!!! TWO!!! THREE!!! SURELY THIS CAN’T BE IT!!! FOUR! FIVE! SIX!!! GET UP, BROWN!!! YOU’VE COME THIS FAR TO REGAIN THE GOLD, YOU CAN’T GIVE UP NOW!!! SEVEN!!! EIGHT!!! NINE!!!! BOTH MEN STRUGGLING WITH ALL THE STRENGTH THEY HAVE TO MAKE IT UP!!!! TEN!!!!!! IT’S NO GOOD!!!! THEY’RE BOTH OUTTA HERE!!!!

[Lord Hastings]

Hanson: I’m so happy that Brown is gone, but so saddened that Severino has been robbed. I guess this is how a serial killer who accidentally kills one of their family members thinking it’s a drug dealer feels.

Vinegar: …

Hanson: It’s okay Nick, Dan Dawg is here for ya.

Vinegar: That’s the part that worries me. But back to the match and Kiseragi and BoolZ circling the ring almost reluctantly. The Dragon is bleeding profusely from the face and BoolZ is still feeling the effects of that GTS. But nonetheless, both men lock up. BoolZ with the advantage, whips Kiseragi to the ropes and delivers a picture perfect Tumble Weed on the return. BUT AUSTIN OUT OF NOWHERE WITH A SPEAR ON RBI!!!!

Hanson: THAT TRAITOR!!

Vinegar: It’s every man for himself and I can guarantee that BoolZ expected that at some point sooner or later. But this is odd, Austin seems just as out of it as BoolZ after that attack.

Hanson: Ha! That dummy! BoolZ was still wearing the Hardcore Title strap around his waist and Tommy just went colliding headfirst into it. This is all because BoolZ took Declan Prescott’s advice seriously and decided to keep the belt with him. Ya listen to the boss and good things happen, that’s the proof!

Vinegar: Especially if you’re an obnoxious suck up, like Travis Roberts. But back in the match, Kiseragi is pulling himself up, via the ropes. BoolZ and Austin are beginning to stir too. And The Dragon setting up that ladder right in the centre of the ring. He’s beginning to climb it, but can’t even go to the top rung, because his head hits the ceiling!

Hanson: Not like he’s got any brain cells left to worry about anyway. The dude thinks he’s a dragon!

Vinegar: I think the name is metaphorical, Dan. Not that I’d expect you to know what that means. BUT HOLD UP! BOOLZ AND AUSTIN GRAB THE LADDER AND RAM IT TOWARDS THE CEILING!!! KISERAGI’S SKULL CONNECTS WITH THE BARBED WIRE LINING THE ROOF OF THE CAGE!!!

Hanson: And now he falls lifelessly to the mat. His wings didn’t save him that time. Guess he couldn’t do his little metamorphosis fast enough, huh Nick?!

Vinegar: Oh for the love of - WOAH! BoolZ keeps his grip on that ladder and smashes it right into Austin! Now BoolZ finally unbuckling that Hardcore Title and thumps it right over Austin’s skull! CA is dazed and BoolZ is setting that ladder up in the middle of the ring. He’s climbing AND CALLING FOR THE STARGAZER!!!

Hanson: But Austin grabs the ladder from one side and Kiseragi from the other! But they’re not tipping it over, Nick! What’s going on - HOLY GOD!!!!

Vinegar: THEY’VE LIFTED THE LADDER UP AND CHARGED IT FULL FORCE INTO THE CAGE WALL, WITH BOOLZ ON IT!!!! THAT HIGH IMPACT SMASHES A HOLE RIGHT THROUGH THE WALL AND BOOLZ, ALONG WITH THAT LADDER, GOES SOARING ACROSS THE GARDEN AND CRASHING INTO THE AUDIENCE!!!

Hanson: Holy crap! BoolZ just went soaring right over our heads! But now how are the others gonna get to him?!

Vinegar: I just hope no one, especially BoolZ himself, got too injured on the landing! We need Dr. Professor and the medics out here!!

Hanson: Well, Kiseragi has that wooden sword of his and is beating around the hole to try and expand it to ground level! He’s trying to make it big enough to walk through!

Vinegar: Meanwhile Austin seems to be fairly distracted by that Hardcore Title belt lying on the canvas…

Hanson: That dream’s long since dead, asshole. You lost that belt the second you laid your hands on the boss’ wife!

Vinegar: She was only his girlfriend back then…

Hanson: Awww, fuck you! Hey look, The Dragon Licker is here. What’s up bro?

Vinegar: Kiseragi has now made his way out of the cage and is climbing over the barricade and heading to RBI. Austin, as well as both referees, are now close behind. Knockouts and submissions can occur anywhere, remember.

Hanson: Why have falls count anywhere in a match where the participants are supposedly confined to a cage?

Vinegar: Coz that’s how we roll, dammit! Kiseragi pulling the lifeless BoolZ up and dragging him back to the ring. But Austin with a stiff right hand knocks The Dragon to the floor. Now Austin has hold of that ladder and is returning back to our area. What the hell has he got planned?! Meanwhile, BoolZ looks like he could be dead!

Hanson: What the fuck?! Austin is unbuckling the middle of that ladder and extending it to it’s full height!! I don’t like this at all!

Vinegar: And he’s leaning that ladder against the cage wall! It reaches just about to the top now!! Now Austin is leaving again. BUT KISERAGI COMES DIVING OVER THE BARRICADE WITH AN INSANE SHINING WIZARD!!! CHRIS AUSTIN HAS BEEN TAKEN DOWN HERE!!!!

Hanson: Austin has?! BoolZ still hasn’t move! Not that I’m complaining, mind you. That boy sucks janglies.

Vinegar: OH MY GOD! YOU SPOKE TOO SOON! RANDY BOOLZIAN IS UP AND HE’S HEADING THIS WAY!!! HE LOOKS LIKE HE MAY HAVE BROKEN A RIB OR THREE, BUT DAMMIT, HE’S STANDING AND STILL READY TO FIGHT!!!

Hanson: Dude has more caffeine riddled guts than brains! Give it up, BoolZ! It’s not worth your career!

Vinegar: To BoolZ, I think it is! He’s never laid down to be second best to anyone up until this point and he’s sure as hell not gonna start now!! He’s climbing over the barricade, but Kiseragi dropkicks him straight back into the crowd!

Hanson: But look out, you effeminate dragon smoker! Austin is back up behind you!

Vinegar: AND AUSTIN’S ASSASSINATION TO THE BACK OF THE DRAGON’S HEAD! KISERAGI IS DOWN!!

Hanson: And East is starting to count Kiseragi out, while Austin is heading towards BoolZ!

Vinegar: ONE! TWO! THREE!!! KISERAGI IS COMPLETELY OUT OF IT, WHILE AUSTIN IS CLIMBING THE BARRICADE! FOUR! FIVE! SIX! BOOLZ IS ON HIS KNEES AND STRUGGLING VALIANTLY TO GET BACK UP! SEVEN! EIGHT! NINE! CAN KISERAGI COME BA - OH MY GOD!!! ALEX KISERAGI HAS PULLED HIMSELF BACK UP USING OUR ANNOUNCE TABLE!!! HE’S STILL ALIVE IN THIS MATCH!!!!

Hanson: And Austin is wondering why these fans are going so mental! He’s seen the man who loves 'dragons' and is heading back over there! Kiseragi may be able to stand, but can he defend himself at all?!

Vinegar: Austin smashes him face first into our announce table and then heads back inside the cage. He’s looking under the ring and HOLY CRAP! HE’S GOT A SLEDGEHAMMER!!! AND HERE HE COMES!!! SMACK!!! RIGHT INTO KISERAGI’S GUTS!!!!

Hanson: But now BoolZ is back in the ringside area! And Austin is telling him to climb the ladder! What’s going on here?!

Vinegar: AUSTIN SAYING HE WANTS TO SEE A STARGAZER ONTO KISERAGI!!!! AND BOOLZ IS SMILING!!! HE’S GONNA DO IT!!! HE’S CLIMBING TO THE TOP OF THE CAGE!!!! THINK ABOUT YOUR WELL BEING BOOLZ!!! THIS COULD KILL YOU!!!

Hanson: He’s an idiot! Meanwhile Austin has rolled Kiseragi onto our announce table. AND BOOLZ HAS REACHED THE TOP OF THE LADDER!!! OH NO!!!

Vinegar: AND BOOLZ IS CALLING FOR THE STARGAZER!!!! BUT KISERAGI JUST GRABBED DANIEL’S HEADSET AND IS CHOKING THE LIFE OUT OF AUSTIN!!!! HE SHOVES AUSTIN IN FRONT OF THE LADDER AND BOOLZ CRUSHES HIM WITH THE STARGAZER ALL THE WAY FROM THE TOP!!!! AUSTIN’S OWN MOVE HAS BACKFIRED AND NOW ALL THREE MEN ARE DOWN!!!

Hanson: Gimme that back, sucka! I’m telling ya Nick, that was probably BoolZ’ plan all along! To lull Austin into a false sense of security and then vaporise him!

Vinegar: IF THAT IS THE CASE, IT MAY HAVE WORKED! ONE! TWO! THREE! BURKE IS COUNTING OUT EVERYONE LEFT IN THE MATCH!!! FOUR! FIVE! SIX!! WHAT HAPPENS IF IT’S A DRAW?! SEVEN! EIGHT! NINE! KISERAGI AND BOOLZ ARE BACK UP, BUT ONLY BARELY!!! AUSTIN STILL HASN’T STIRRED!! TEN!!!! HE’S OUT OF HERE!!! WE’RE DOWN TO THE FINAL TWO!!!

Hanson: With the shape these guys are in, I think even combined they barely equal half a man. They’ve been brutalised, Nick! Total dedication to win this match! I’ve never seen anything like it!

Vinegar: Nor have I, my friend. This has been one insane show since it began, but these guys are taking epic to a whole new level! What’s it gonna take to keep them down?!

Hanson: I dunno, but I’m just glad Austin it outta here… possibly for good, by the way he looks right now. Can you imagine what kind of despicable match he would have booked himself in with every female on the roster, minus Kiseragi?!

Vinegar: Oh hardy ha ha. That doesn’t matter anymore, as The Bull and The Dragon are the only two left standing. And BoolZ with a clothesline, sends Kiseragi tumbling right onto our announce table.

Hanson: We better move Nick, these look seri - ARGH!!! Nick didn’t get out of the way in time and RBI just threw Kiseragi right into him! I’ll try and cover the play-by-play until my main man recovers. Umm… well jeez, that was an incredible throw by RBI. He sure loves these fans alright. He’s doing it for them. Well, and to win of course. He’s not a show off, he just likes to gloat… ah, who am I kidding? I can’t do this! It doesn’t make any sense!

Vinegar: Perhaps I can try. RBI has pulled himself onto the table and is pulling Kiseragi up. It looks like he’s got something big planned here. CALLING FOR THE DISCOMBOOLZALATOR! NO!!! KISERAGI TRIPS HIM UP AND SENDS HIM SMASHING INTO THE ANNOUNCE TABLE!!! AND NOW KISERAGI LEAPS ONTO THE LADDER AND LEAPS BACK TO THE TABLE IN SOME INSANE SPRINGBOARD-LIKE MOONSAULT!!!! OUR TABLE JUST IMPLODED AND BOTH MEN HAVE BEEN OBLITERATED RIGHT IN FRONT OF OUR EYES!!!!

Hanson: That was just nuts!!! How the hell did he do that?!?!

Vinegar: WITH INCREDIBLE SKILL AND BURKE HAS NOW STARTED THE TEN COUNT!!! ONE! TWO! THREE! BOTH MEN LOOK LIKE CORPSES! FOUR! FIVE! SIX! KISERAGI DID AS MUCH DAMAGE TO HIMSELF AS HE DID TO BOOLZ!!! SEVEN! EIGHT! NINE! THIS IS IT! WE DON’T EVEN HAVE A WIN - NO!!!! BOTH MEN BACK UP!!!! NEITHER MAN WILLING TO GIVE UP!!!

Hanson: WHAT?! These guys are superhuman! How can they still be breathing, let alone standing?!

Vinegar: I have absolutely no clue, as Kiseragi slams BoolZ face first into that barbed wire cage wall! He looks for a second ram, but BoolZ blocks it with his hands, shredding them completely in the process. He breaks free of Kiseragi’s grip and basically just falls to the floor. He can barely move, folks. WAIT! IT WAS A DECOY TO GRAB THAT SLEDGEHAMMER! BOOM!!! RIGHT INTO KISERAGI’S DOODLE!!!!

Hanson: Ooohhh! Lucky he doesn’t like women, because he won’t be able to reproduce after that!

Vinegar: Give it a rest, please! Kiseragi goes falling limply into the barricade and looks too tired to even feel the pain. He’s lost an incredible amount of blood here, folks.

Hanson: Hehe, ‘limp’! Nice one!

Vinegar: AND BOOLZ COMES CHARGING AND CONNECTS WITH THE NO FLY ZONE, WITH KISERAGI AGAINST THE BARRIER!!! THE DRAGON HAS BEEN DESTROYED!!!

Hanson: He’s still stirring though, Nick, not ready to give up! BoolZ is pulling him up and dragging him back inside the cage though!

Vinegar: And BOOM! He smashes Kiseragi’s face right into that steel ring post, seemingly knocking him out entirely! But BoolZ isn’t done, as Kiseragi is already beginning to stir!! RBI has pulled out a giant sack - don't Daniel - and is rolling back into the ring with it. He’s pouring the contents on the centre of the ring… THUMBTACKS!!! HUNDREDS AND HUNDREDS OF THUMBTACKS!!!

Hanson: But he’s underestimated his flamboyant opponent!

Vinegar: OH MY GOD, KISERAGI ON THE TOP ROPE AND SMASHES BOOLZ FACE FIRST INTO THE TACKS WITH A FLYING BULLDOG!!!! AND KISERAGI NOT WASTING ANYTIME, CALLING FOR THE COUNT!!! ONE!!! TWO!!! THREE!!! CAN HE DO IT?! BOOLZ STILL HASN’T MOVED!!! FOUR!! FIVE!!! SIX!!! KISERAGI LOOKS LIKE HE’LL BE STRUGGLING TO STAY ON HIS FEET FOR FOUR MORE SECONDS, BUT IF HE CAN DO IT, HE’S WON THIS INCREDIBLE MATCH!!!! SEVEN! EIGHT! NINE!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!! BOOLZ IS BACK UP!!!!!

Hanson: NO FREAKIN’ WAY!

Vinegar: KISERAGI WON’T HAVE ANY OF IT! A KICK TO THE GUT AND THE DRAGON’S TAIL!!!! NO!!! BOOLZ EVADES AND KISERAGI GOES CRASHING INTO THE TUMBTACKS!!!! THE DRAGON SCRAMBLING MADLY TO GET BACK TO HIS FEET, BUT IT’S TOO LATE!!! DISCOMBOOLZALATOR PLANTS HIM STRAIGHT INTO THOSE THUMBTACKS!!!! ONE!!!! TWO!!! THREE!!!! BOOLZ HOLDING HIMSELF UP ON THE ROPES, HIS FACE COVERED FROM TOP TO BOTTOM IN THUMBTACKS!!! FOUR!!! FIVE!!! SIX!!! HOW CAN HE EVEN SEE?!?! SEVEN!!! EIGHT!!! NINE!!!! KISERAGI STILL HASN’T MOVED!!! BOOLZ HAS DONE THIS!!!! TEN!!!!! OH MY GOD!!! BOOLZ WINS!!! BOOLZ WINS!!!! OH MY GOD BOOLZ!!!!

Dennis: YOUR WINNER… RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRANDY BOOOOOOOOOOOOOLZIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!

Hanson: I DON’T BELIEVE IT! I DIDN’T THINK THIS MATCH WAS EVER GONNA END!!!

Vinegar: I have to say I’m glad it has! It was one hell of a ride, but I didn’t want these guys to have anymore reasons to hurt each other like this. BoolZ can’t even celebrate. He’s just collapsed right next to Kiseragi! He may not even be able to compete at Horizons with the shape he’s in!

Hanson: No way! He’ll compete. And he’ll get to pick any single match he wants! I gotta admit, he earned that right here tonight.

Vinegar: And we’ll learn what his decision is in the coming weeks. But right now, there’s only one thing to do.

Vinegar removes his headset and his hat, stands up and begins applauding along with the thousands of fans inside Madison Square Garden. Hanson soon joins him, clapping enthusiastically and cheering on the six men who just waged the ultimate battle.

The camera then fades to nothing, but darkness…

Randy Boolzian: 6
Alex Kiseragi: 4
Brandon Brown: 2
Chris Austin: 2
Jack Severino: 2
Donovan Hastings: 1

[Lord Hastings]

Battleground Credits

War & Peace vs Explosive Impact
Randy ‘BoolZ’ Boolzian

Chassie Fear vs Dylan James vs Dredd
Travis Roberts

Women’s Championship
Travis Roberts

Global Heavyweight Championship
Alex ‘The Dragon’ Kiseragi

Battleground Masterpiece
Declan Prescott

Editors
The Revolution