Sentinel 27/09/08 RESULTS

[Lord Hastings]

Vinegar: Why do you have a case of Miller Chill?

Hanson: It's for Dredd. Got get him on my good side.

Vinegar: Ya know, Chill is a Ladies drink. Don't think he will be impressed your giving him a girls drink.

Hanson: Ummm... ahh.. It's for you!

Vinegar: I'm getting word something is happening backstage. Lets have a look on the Globatron. It looks Dredd is down is head buried in the toilet bowl, looks like he's throwing his guts up there.

Hanson: Peterson poisoned him!

Vinegar: No, he did NOT. He's probably just had too much to drink. Is that Ezekiel Pax coming up to him?

Pax: Haha... Big man Monster can't handle his booze. Haha

Hanson: Hey! It's food poisoning.

Pax: Haha

Vinegar: I think Pax may have gone too far there, Dredd has reached out and grabbed his leg and flipped him on to his back. Pax' head smashes his head on the bathroom tiles.

Hanson: The Monster is up!! He grabs Pax by the throat and lifts him off the floor and slams into the mirror. Pax' back and head smashes the glass!!

Vinegar: Dredd just nailed Pax with the Broken Sphere on the bathroom floor!! OH MY GOD!! Now he is throwing Peace face first into the front of the toilet bowl. Zeke's just smashed against the porcelain!!

Hanson: These guys have a match next! Will they even make it to the ring... Looks like at least Dredd will. He is leaving Peace in a mess on the arena's bathroom floor.

Vinegar: Let's get to the introductions.

Dennis: Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to Sentinel! This is your opening contest, and triple threat match. Introducing first weighting in at 385 pounds, standing seven foot 2 inches, and coming out of Deep Elum, Texas. This ‘The Monster’ Dredd!

The lights dim, ‘Divine’ by Korn starts playing over the PA, a single spotlight focuses on the entrance, and Dredd appears from backstage. Pyro goes off in a row from the top of the ramp to the ring. The lights slowly rise as Dredd walks to the ring.

Hanson: HA, told ya’ll bitches Dredd be comin’ fo da match!

Vinegar: What then it was a set-up? A ploy?

Hanson: Well I guess ‘The Monster’ was getting bored destroying his opponents in the ring, and had to choose a more challenging location.

Vinegar: So he did mean to meet Pax in the bathroom?

Hanson: Well when you say it like that it just sounds dirty. Dredd I think planned to wallop Ezekiel in…

Vinegar: WHAT!?!

Hanson: No not like…

Dennis: And his opponent from Detroit Michigan, weighting in at 240 pounds, standing six foot 2 inches this is ‘Hardcore’ Dylan James!

‘Frayed Ends of Sanity’ by Metallica opens over the speaker system and Dylan James enters the entrance ramp, and slowly makes his way to the ring. He rolls in under the bottom rope, hops up to the middle turnbuckle facing the camera, and forms a ‘X’ with his arms.

Hanson: You know old man, I got the dirty mind, and even I don’t think there was anything sexual going on in that bathroom.

Vinegar: Oh I’m sure there wasn’t. I’m not so sure that was how it was planned though!

Dennis: And their opponent from.. FUCK!!!

Vinegar: Get the hell out of there Mitch!

Hanson: See what you did. Dredd musta heard ya, ya pissed him off, and now Dylan James is paying for your big mouth!

Vinegar: Well just as James was coming down from the rope Dredd catches him with a huge running clothesline in the corner. Dylan slumps down, he’s trying to cover up, but Dredd is just unloading with those fists!

Hanson: I hope Dylan James blames you for this! Dredd pulling James out of corner, short arm clothesline, and James hits the mat hard! Oh yeah, and for the record I don’t think Pax is gonna make it!

Vinegar: I think Dylan James no small man, he’s still giving up a foot and over a hundred pounds to Dredd, and Pax or no Pax, Dredd just wants to hurt someone tonight!

Hanson: What makes tonight any different?

Vinegar: Well it’s Dylan James tonight! Dredd not even pulling, but picking, PICKING, Dylan James off the canvas with one arm around his neck the other around thigh, and powering ‘Hardcore’ Dylan James up over his head with a fa…

Hanson: Fall away slam!

Vinegar: Or that’s what it was supposed to be! Dylan James, one of the bigger quote unquote high flyers in the GIW lands on his feet, Dredd turns around, and right into a step up enzuigiri!

Hanson: What the hell! Where’s Pax?! If Pax was out here that wouldn’t have happened!

Vinegar: Dredd still on his feet though, James up, Dredd…

Hanson: Dredd with a HUGE BOOT! Kick his head off!

Vinegar: James rolls clear, Dredd misses, Dredd turns, spear by James, and the impact forces both men back into the corner!

Hanson: Yeah but Dredd is still on his feet, and that’s bad news for James!

Vinegar: I’d say those clubbing forearms to the neck and shoulders of Dylan are the bad news!

Hanson: Wait it gets worse! Dredd coming up with some kinda pump handle what ever, and just tosses James towards the centre of the ring! What strength!

Vinegar: I don’t know folks! The big man Dredd after unceremoniously dumping James to the mat is climbing to the second turnbuckle!

Hanson: What don’t you know? The whereabouts of ya wife? She’s at my place!

Vinegar: Keep her! James moves!

Hanson: What?!

Vinegar: Dylan James rolls clear and Dredd just leg dropped the canvas!

Hanson: James now stomping away on Dredd! James running to turnbuckle.

Vinegar: James perched on the top rope, Dredd getting back to his feet, James flies, huge missile drop kick!

Hanson: Yeah, yeah, but look Dredd is still on his feet!

Vinegar: James back up, standing drop kick to The Monster!

Hanson: No good try again Dylan!

Vinegar: James in disbelief, and hits his own running big boot!

Hanson: Close but no cigar! That’s over seven feet and almost 400 pounds!

Vinegar: James shaking his head at the wobbly Dredd, running STO, and Dredd is down!

Hanson: Yeah well, it’s about time. Oh and what a short time it was?!

Vinegar: Folks I think Dredd might have beat Dylan to his feet by half a step or so, but he didn’t see that tornado DTT coming, and Dredd is back on the mat!

Hanson: What?!

Vinegar: It looks like James just needed a bit of confidence! He’s going to the ropes.

Hanson: Fool.

Vinegar: Spring board moonsault… NO!!

Hanson: HA HA! Dredd, from his back, got that foot right into the flying face of Dylan James!!!

Vinegar: MY GAWD I THINK THAT ADDED A FULL EXTRA ROTATION ON THAT MOONSAULT!!

Hanson: Yeah Pax is lucky he got his ass spanked in the bathroom instead of getting kicked like… what? Oh damnit Nick, we talked about that! To imply anything other than the…

Vinegar: Well I’m not sure what happened or didn’t happen, but I know a set up when I see it, and this Irish whip into the corner followed by that big avalanche from Dredd is definitely the set up for that Concrete Piledriver!

Hanson: That’s right! He’s all man, and that’s the CONCRETE PILEDRIVER! I think he might have just broke the neck of Dylan James!

Vinegar: And here’s the cover!

Hanson: Oh damn referees! Xavier Bryan is out here distracting Hazel East! Hey Hazel there’s a match going on!

Vinegar: Dredd waiting for the cover looks for East, and sees her talking with Xavier. He doesn’t look too happy.

Hanson: Of course not, if he wasn’t such a monster she might be costing him a match right now!

Vinegar: OH MY GAWD DID YOU SEE THAT?! OUT OF NOWHERE I THINK THAT WAS MAREK DIASUKE WITH ONE OF THOSE DANGEROUS KNEES.

Hanson: And I bet that fire crotch didn’t see anything, right?

Vinegar: Well to his credit Xavier is telling her to turn around.

Hanson: Yeah only because Marek got the hell outta dodge before Dredd can regain his senses and get back in the ring.

Vinegar: Pax, Ezekiel Pax is in the ring, and he’s making the cover on Dylan James! ONE!

Hanson: Bullshit! Dredd does all the work, and Pax gets to slide in at the last second and steal Dredd’s win! TWO!!

Vinegar: I guess that’s karma for you? THREE!!!

Dennis: Ladies and Gentlemen here is your winner, Ezekiel ‘Peace’ Pax!

Hanson: Bullshit, Dredd was robbed! He’s got the food poisoning, and did all the work, and was man enough to go out there alone against those cheating sons of bitches!

Vinegar: Well regardless it was a triple threat match, and Pax is victorious!

[Lord Hastings]

The Globatron screen cuts to static, and flickers in and out, finally appearing on Jason Reeves, who looks somewhat out of breath, holding his mic, the camera shaking and painting the portrait of a vivid blue sky, and green trees. Reeves is mouthing words, and half a second later we hear his voice, obviously there is a sound delay.

Reeves: Hey, guys and dolls, how's that show going so far? This is Jason Reeves, ace GIW reporter, and I'm here to present to you people the possible future of this company! C'mon, Greg.

He's already walking away before the sentence completes, and Greg the camera man follows. They are walking for some time, before Jason stumbles upon a simple building, where a few Monks are sitting and talking, some are walking with plains clothed people, and kids are playing. All in all, it looks pretty jovial. A somewhat middle-sized priest notices the approaching Reeves, and smiles, walking over, and greeting them in Italian.

Reeves: Saluti, Brother Matteo, I presume?

Brother Matteo: Ahh, yes, Mr. Reeves. I take you to him, if you please.

Reeves nods to the camera, and he and Greg are led through the simple building, to witness one man, his hood down to reveal a young face, and he is talking with a weeping woman. The woman is surprised at the arrivals, and the camera, but is hushed by the man, and they continue talking. This goes on for sometime, and the Monk talking seems not to notice or be concerned by the company waiting for him. Finally, he leads her from the room, where she looks to be thanking him, and wiping the tears from her eyes, smiling. He smiles back, genuine, and here he finally speaks with Jason Reeves

Reeves: Wow, that was something! You must've really helped that girl.

The Monk and Brother Matteo speak at some length, in Latin, and finally Matteo smiles and speaks to Reeves.

Matteo: He says, "It was God who helped her. I was merely there."

Reeves: How spiritual. Well, Mr. Solomon, you soon will be making an impact in GIW. Do you have any comments?

Again, Solomon and Matteo speak in depth, and finally, Solomon turns to the camera, and speaks in slow, halting English.

Solomon: Since a boy, I've been big fan of, *struggles with a word* grappling. Err, wrestling. I've been curious as to my own talents with this sport, I like very much to try my hand...I've much spare time, to try this. The money, I'll give to the church, so it's good to at least try for a little while, no? I wish to say, to opponent, in the ring, for you I pray to our Lord God, he is the reason we are alive, and the reason I've begun this Church...Ahh, I do not know what else to say, Mr. Jason...

Reeves: That's fine, sir, you've given us all some great insight...

Jason turns to the camera.

Reeves: There you have it, folks. Look forward to the debut of this young man, some time soon! Enjoy the rest of this fine programming!

Vinegar: Well there you have it folks, another new addition to the GIW roster. But now Captain Savior verse Donovan Hastings is up.

Hanson: Did you see who the ref is?

Vinegar: Yeh. It's Owen Peterson.

Hanson: EXACTLY!!! He's already planning how to screw the Lord of Pain over. You can see the gears ticking over in the little head of his.

Vinegar: You're getting as bad as Donovan Hastings with all your conspiracy theories.

Hanson: It's not a conspiracy it's a real.

Vinegar: Sheesh!! Let's go to ring for the introductions.

Dennis: Coming to the ring from Rjek, Hammanas on the Planet Hjjyk. Weighing in at 223lbs it is CAPTAIN SAVIOUR!!!

"Super Rad" by the Aquabats hits the Arena PA System and we see Captain Saviour is standing on top of the Globatron. He jumps off and "flies" to the ring.

Dennis: And his opponent, coming to the ring, hailing from Hartford, Connecticut, weighing in at 230lbs it is the "LORD OF PAIN" DONOVAN HASTINGS!!!

"Immortal" by Adema hits the Arena PA System. As the music plays, the crowd, Captain Savior's and Owen Peterson' eyes are all focused on the ramp waiting for the Lord of Pain to make his way to the ring... but he doesn't appear.

Dennis: And his opponent, coming to the ring, hailing from Hartford, Connecticut, weighing in at 230lbs it is the "LORD OF PAIN" DONOVAN HASTINGS!!!

"Immortal" by Adema hits the Arena PA System. Donovan Hastings still doesn't appear…

Dennis: And his opponent, coming to the ring, hailing from Hartford, Connecticut, weighing in at 230lbs it is the "LORD OF PAIN" DONOVAN HASTINGS!!!

"Immortal" by Adema hits the Arena PA System. Donovan Hastings still doesn't appear.....

Hanson: I KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON HERE!!!!

Vinegar: What?

Hanson: Owen Peterson has kidnapped the Lord of Pain, he has him tied up in his basement. And he is going to torture him with cattle prods, and all sorts of sick equipment like that and then he is going to sodomise him and use him as a sex toy. And yes, yes... CALL 911!!! GET THEM TO PETERSON'S HOUSE!!! HE'S A SICK BASTARD!!!

Vinegar: What the hell are you going on about?

Hanson: Peterson is evil!!

Vinegar: No. He's not. He's a referee, who does his job and nothing else.

Hanson: But look at the evidence, first he poisoned Dredd and now he has kidnapped Hastings.

Vinegar: He has not. Anyway, lets go backstage

Calypso Desmona is looking for Donovan Hastings. She walks up to Roxy Malone.

Calypso: Have you seen Donovan?

Malone: Nah, haven't, sorry Cal.

Hanson: *screaming at his monitor* Look at Peterson's house!!!!!!

Calypso is wandering around backstage, looking for the Lord of Pain. But back in the ring.

Vinegar: Looks like Owen Peterson has rung the bell and started this match

Hanson: See, Hastings can't even get to the ring and he's starting this match without him.

Vinegar: 1! 2! 3! 4!

Hanson: YOU CHEATING ASSHOLE, PETERSON!!!

Vinegar: 5! 6! 7! 8!

Hanson: MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON YOUR SOUL!!

Vinegar: 9! 10!

Hanson: DIE PETERSON DIE!!

Vinegar: Looks like our winner by count out is Captain Saviour... and have you calmed down yet?

Hanson: Someone must seek vengeance for the Lord of Pain!

Vinegar: Seriously, just have a Miller Chill.

[Lord Hastings]

“Fake It” by Seether blares over the cheering audience as Christina Adams jumps from behind the curtains with her arms in the air.

Dennis: the following contest is a triple threat match, in which the winner will be declared the number one contender to the GIW WOMEN’S CHAMPIONSHIP! Introducing first… CHRRRRRRRRISTINA ADAMS!!!

Vinegar: Adams making her way out from the back for a number one contenders match against Chassie Fear and Calypso Desmona. Kind of odd since I am mostly use to her managing Dylan James’ career.

Hanson: Cannot be hard to manage a career going downhill. Just give it a push and the rest will work itself out.

Vinegar: Harsh words for a hard working woman.

“Cyanide Sweet Tooth Suicide” by Shinedown now starts to play as Chassie Fear comes from behind the curtain.

Dennis: And the opponent… CHASSIE FEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAR!!!!

Vinegar: Here is a girl who has a rather impressive career in just a short time. Tonight is her chance to win a shot at the Women’s Title that has been a hot item as of late.

Hanson: Don’t forget the fact that the women holding the Title have been nothing short of hot either, so that is one good looking couple in terms of potential.

“Haunted” by Evanesence plays as Calypso emerges from behind the curtains to a large array of boos.

Dennis: And finally… CALYPSO DESMONAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

Vinegar: And here comes Desmona, still looking a little lost since Hastings has disappeared.

Hanson: The three women in the ring make me wish I could lower the brightness through which I view life and just listen to the sounds they are about to make. Would be like a softcore porn without the images.

Vinegar: I thought the images were what mattered, Hanson.

Hanson: Only if you’re 10.

Vinegar: Hazel East is the referee for the match so I suppose that should make your little porno far more enjoyable, Hanson.

Hanson: I love a woman in uniform.

Vinegar: The three performers are in the ring and the referee seems ready for the match to begin.

Ding!

Hanson: HA! All three of them are all standing in their positions! They must be afraid to get their pretty little faces hurt, Nick. Let’s add a rule to women’s matches. That they cannot hit each other in the face.

Vinegar: I think we would be sued for some form of copyright.

Hanson: Who the hell thought it up first?

Vinegar: I digress. Look at Chassie slowly start to make her way towards Desmona but not take a single second to look away from Adams.

Hanson: Fear grabs Hazel and shoves her into Adams!

Vinegar: The distraction allows Fear to send a heavy forearm into the head of Desmona who collapses back into the second turnbuckle of a corner as Fear goes right to stomping away at her chest!

Hanson: That Fear is one sneaky bitch, but I dig it!

Vinegar: Adams doesn’t because she tosses Hazel to the side and goes right for Chassie! An elbow to the back of Chassie’s head and she is pulled violently to her back by her hair at the hands of Adams.

Hanson: I dig catfights and all, but three way catfights are the best way to go. The only way this could be better is if you added mud.

Vinegar: Don’t give Declan any ideas; Hanson, or else things might seem TNA’ish.

Hanson: You know I don’t acknowledge real life wrestling companies, Nick.

Vinegar: Would explain the lack of trademark knowledge. Adams stomping away at Desmona this time as Chassie leans on the bottom rope and grasps her hair. I suppose that hurt more than I can understand.

Hanson: So insensitive you are, Nick.

Vinegar: Chassie up to her feet but NO! Adams with a knee to her face and she is back on the ground! I think she may have a busted nose, Hanson. Damn shame that it happens to her pretty face. Adams walks back over to Desmona but is met with a kick to her gut and falls to her knees.

Hanson: Adams is back on her knees where she belongs, Nick. In case you haven’t noticed, I am only listening to the match and not watching. My eyes are closed.

Vinegar: You are only listening to a number one contenders match, Hanson? You really are a fool. Desmona uses the hunched over Adams to connect with a running neck breaker, Hanson. I can’t believe you missed out on that.

Hanson: I looked right as she began to run, Nick. Just listening wasn’t doing Desmona justice to I decided to watch when she started to make her comeback.

Vinegar: Desmona stands back up but a high kick to the head out of nowhere from Chassie sends her stumbling all the way across the ring. Chassie charges and jumps at Desmona with her two knees. She CONNECTS and Desmona flies in-between the second and top rope.

Hanson: That was kind of cool. She double-knee rammed Desmona but I still prefer Desmona to the other three.

Vinegar: There are only two others, Hanson.

Hanson: Hazel counts too.

Vinegar: Chassie back over to Adams and lifts her to her feet. A weak forearm to the face of Adams and pushes her into the corner. Chassie back across the ring and charges at Adams! She goes for a clothesline to Adams and HITS IT! Adams stumbling into the middle of the ring clutching her chest and here comes Chassie with a codebreaker like move to her face, HANSON! Adams is flat on the ground and not responding to anything. Chassie covers her and Hazel jumps to the ground for the count.

Hazel: 1!

Hanson: Desmona with the save! I applaud her fast acting skills and reflexes in relation to Chassie trying to get the pin.

Vinegar: Desmona lifts Chassie up and Irish whips her into the ropes. Chassie flies through the middle rope by a seemingly botched Desmona monkey flip.

Hanson: No move is ever botched if it gets the job done, Nick. Desmona is just effective.

Vinegar: It’s only Desmona and Adams in the ring and Desmona covers a down Adams.

Hazel: 1!

Hazel: 2!

Hazel: Kick out!

Vinegar: Adams with a kick out at the last possible minute and Desmona looks angry with the result.

Hanson: Desmona should never trust another persons move to put away the prey. She has to do it herself with that beautiful DDT she does.

Vinegar: I think she heard you because she is setting Adams up for the Kiss of Chaos move, Hanson.

Hanson: Actually, she is about to hit Voodoo! Another one of my favourite finishers in the business. Look how high she has Adams raises in the air, Nick! Now is the best time to help for an upside down nip slip.

Vinegar: Wish denied! Chassie out of nowhere with a drop kick to the back of Desmona sending Adams nearly over the top rope! Adams barely hung on and Desmona ran neck first into the top rope.

Hanson: I sense treachery in this match. I could have sworn that devious monkey flip put away Chassie Fear for the rest of the match. I suppose I shouldn’t have put my faith in a move with Monkey in its name.

Vinegar: More importantly, Hanson, is that Adams charges at Desmona, who is leaning on the top rope but Desmona moves! Chassie out of nowhere with a charging forearm to Adams on the outside! NO! Adams pulls the rope down and Chassie plunges over to the ground.

Hanson: Desmona, my shining light of hope, grabs Adams by her hair and is about to HIT A VOODOO FROM THE OUTSIDE OF THE RING!

Vinegar: Negative! Adams counters! She just dropped to the ground with Desmona’s head in her hand and Desmona’s neck was jammed right into that top rope!

Hanson: AH! This can’t be going well.

Vinegar: Adams with a knee to the head of an already down Chassie and now she is jumping onto the apron and climbing to the top turnbuckle. I think she is about to go for a moonsault!

Hanson: I predict a Desmona counter.

Vinegar: You’re right! Desmona moves out of the way of Adam’s moonsault.

Hanson: Kiss of CHAOS! RIGHT ON THE HEAD!

Vinegar: Even Hanson has his way sometimes.

Hazel: 1!

Hazel: 2!

Hazel: 3!

Dennis: Your winner, via pinfall… CALYPSO DESMONAAAAAAAA!!!

Hanson: Ah! Desmona back on her way to win the gold as Adams and Fear lie on the ground in defeat. Adams more in defeat since she is the one who got pinned.

[Lord Hastings]

“Diamond In The Rough” smashes into play, being greeted by a massive boo from every fan in the GIW arena. Save for a bunch of guys with ‘Call me, Gabby’ signs.

Dennis: The following match is a 4 man over-the-top-rope battle royal, in which the winner will become the number one contender for the GLOBAL HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP! Introducing first, being accompanied by the GIW WOMEN’S CHAMPION Gabrielle, from Christchurch, New Zealand and weighing 280 pounds… ‘DIAMOND’ JACK SEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRINO!!!!

With the arena lights dimming save for a few solitary gold spotlights Jack Severino and Gabrielle walk out to the top of the entranceway hand in hand, her showing off whatever elegant dress she has on with a quick twirl in his arms before they share a loving kiss, then proceeding to walk down to the ring, Jack bragging to the fans about his "girl" the whole way before the climb atop the ring apron, Jack taking her in his arms as he straddles the middle rope, resting her in his lap as he swings her into the ring before joining her where Gabrielle climbs a turnbuckle, standing on the bottom rope resting her hands on the post as Jack stands on the second rope behind her as she tussles her hair over her shoulders before Jack jumps down taking her hand in his once again as he helps her down, the couple take the centre of the ring again with Gabrielle stretching in front of him, occasionally placing a leg up on his shoulder to "strech" as the couple share another kiss.

Hanson: I hope she wins, Nick…

Vinegar: Severino is the one competing.

Hanson: I still want Gab to win…

“Teahouse” begins playing, met with a massive cheer.

Dennis: And the opponent, from San Francisco, California - well, according to BoolZ anyway - and weighing 198 pounds… ALEX ‘THE DRAGON’ KISERRRRRRRRRRRRAGI!!!!

Alex walks out to the top of the ramp where he throws two right roundhouse kicks, each accompanied by a small pyro, followed by a split legged backflip with a larger pyro.

He walks down to the ring, slapping a few outstretched hands as he passes. As he approaches the ring he takes a few quick steps and jumps through the first and second ropes into a roll and up to his feet. He climbs a random turnbuckle and poses for a second before backflipping off.

Hanson: Can you believe this little pipsqueak is eyeing off Severino, when Gabrielle is at ringside? I’m telling ya Nick, he bats left of field, if ya get my drift…

Vinegar: I’m really not concerned either way, but I would guess he’s keeping his mind on the forthcoming match. Maybe you could try and do the same?

The circus level music from Timesplitters 2 begins playing, as whispers of general confusion emerge.

Dennis: And the opponent, hailing from an unknown location and weighing in at an unknown weight… CHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIS AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUSTIN!!!

A midget in a cowboy suit comes racing from the curtains on a tricycle. He pulls a water pistol from his belt holster and sprays the fans as he speeds down the ramp. But soon he begins travelling too fast, loses control and goes smashing into the ring apron. The force of the crash hurls him into the air, before he splatters right in the centre of the canvas. Kiseragi, Severino, Gabrielle and even Dennis stare on at the display, their jaws hanging open in shock and contempt.

Vinegar: WHAT the fuck is this?!

Hanson: AHAHAHAHA! It’s Austin’s new look! He may have changed his look more times than STIs he’s contracted - and that’s quite a few - but I think he finally found a winning formula!

Vinegar: Folks, that is not Chris Austin! I apologise to anyone who tuned in to see Austin compete, but there seems to have been a mix up here.

Hanson: Of course that’s him! Go look at his bio page on GIW.com. You see any information that contradicts the Kiseragi loving midget - seriously, look at that little guy molest The Dragon’s leg - but no one tuned in to see Austin, anyway.

Vinegar: Kiseragi climbing the turnbuckle and out of that little person’s grasp. This is a travesty…

“Kickstart My Heart” begins playing and the arena erupts in cheers.

Dennis: And the opponent, being accompanied by Big B Brown, weighing 190 pounds and hailing from Albion, Indiana… BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRANDON BRRRRRRRRRRRROWN!!!!

The Browns emerge on the stage, Brandon taunting to the fans, as he heads down the ramp. He slides into the ring and the bell sounds.

Vinegar: He we go. That cowboy has Kiseragi too afraid to leave the safety of the top turnbuckle. He’s scrambling frantically to reach The Dragon though. Meanwhile, Severino and Brown have locked up.

Hanson: He’s not just any old gay, midget cowboy, Nick. He’s Chris Austin! First ever GIW Hardcore Champion! And now he looks like he wants to get hardcore on Kiseragi!

Vinegar: Oh for God’s sake. With the ridiculousness of this entire ordeal, I wouldn’t be surprised if Marlo had kidnapped the real Austin and replaced him with this cowboy. But getting to business, Severino has smashed Brown into the corner with a stiff right fist. Now he whips him into the opposite corner… right where that cowboy is trying to get to Alex! BOOM! BROWN JUST FLATTENED THE LITTE GUY!!!

Hanson: Austin’s outta this thing already! His chances of winning stuck around for even less time than his fan base! And that's saying something!

Vinegar: Give it a rest, would you?! But Kiseragi has taken this chance and leaps from the corner with a MASSIVE moonsault! He goes flying right into Severino, but the Diamond In The Rough catches The Dragon! And he positions Kiseragi for a fireman’s carry. THUMP! Nails it right in the centre of the ring! But Brown is back up AND JUST TOSSED THE COWBOY RIGHT INTO SEVERINO’S FACE!!!

Hanson: AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Vinegar: Severino goes stumbling back, while the cowboy looks like he’s been broken in half! But Brown continues his assault and hits a dropkick right into Diamond Jack’s face! AND THE BLUE EYED DEVIL GOES TUMBLING OVER THE TOP ROPES AND OUT OF THIS MA - NO! HE GRABS ONTO THE TOP ROPE AND SAVES HIMSELF!!!

Hanson: BROWN THREW AUSTIN INTO SEVERINO’S HEAD!! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Vinegar: BUT SEVERINO IS STILL IN A PRECARIOUS POSITION HERE, AS HE PULLS HIMSELF ONTO THE APRON! BROWN LOOKING FOR ANOTHER DROPKICK, BUT SEVERINO DUCKS AND THEN SCRAMBLES BACK INTO THE RING!

Hanson: HE TOSSED A DWARF!!! LITERALLY!!! AHAHAHAHAHA!!! I’M GONNA WET MYSELF, NICK!!!

Vinegar: I’m glad you find it so amusing… now, as Brown gets back up, Diamond Jack blasts him with a knee to the face. The former two time Global Champ looking dazed after that. But Kiseragi out of nowhere, with a springboard spinning wheel kick takes Severino down! He’s calling to Brandon that they should work together to eliminate the bigger and stronger Diamond Jack. That’s a very wise idea and Brown agrees. Both men pulling him up, BUT DIAMOND JACK WITH A DOUBLE LOW BLOW!!!

Hanson: HE JUST PICKED HIM UP AND HURLED HIM!!!! AHAHAHA!!! AND THAT’S THE HIGHEST AUSTIN IS EVER GONNA GET IN HIS LIFE!!! AHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Vinegar: Diamond Jack with a HUGE boot to the skull of Brown, knocks Brandon down. NOW HE’S CALLING FOR THE RISE OF BRUTALITY ON KISERAGI! HE LIFTS THE DRAGON UP BY THE NECK AND HE’S GONNA DO IT!!!!

Hanson: SLAM HIM ONTO THE MIDGET!! COME ON!!!

Vinegar: Severino is just holding Alex there, squeezing the life out of him. HE’S CARRYING HIM OVER TO THE ROPES!!!! HE’S GONNA CHOKE SLAM HIM OUT OF THE RING!!! WAIT!!!!

Hanson: What’s this?!

Vinegar: The cowboy has caught Severino’s attention. The little guy is up and marching over to Gabrielle. HE JUST REMOVED HIS TROUSERS AND IS THRUSTING HIS CROTCH INTO GABRIELLE’S FACE!!!!

Hanson: URGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AUSTIN’S GONE TOO FAR THIS TIME!!!!

Vinegar: SEVERINO TAKING EXCEPTION! HE DROPS KISERAGI, CHARGES AT THE LITTLE GUY AND SOCCER KICKS HIM RIGHT OUT OF THE RING AND INTO THE FIFTH ROW OF THE FANS!!!!

Hanson: AHAHAHAHA! I WAS WRONG! YOU SEE THE AIRTIME AUSTIN GOT ON THAT ONE?!

Vinegar: Can we get some medical attention for the gay cowboy?! WHAT?!?! BROWN CAPITALISES ON THE DISTRACTION AND HITS A SUPERKICK INTO THE BACK OF SEVERINO’S HEAD!!! THE DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH GOES TUMBLING OVER THE ROPES AND SMASHING TO THE ARENA FLOOR!!!

Hanson: OH NO!!!!!! NOW WE CAN’T WATCH GABRIELLE ANYMORE!!!!

Vinegar: I’m not sure you want to see her right now. She looks like she’s fighting a losing battle to hold back vomit after what the deranged cowboy did! Then again, you probably would. But the big story here is that either Kiseragi or Brown are gonna challenge Roberts for the Global Title at Distant Whispers!

Hanson: Damn, I was hopin’ Austin would win. Wait, I don’t wanna see Roberts’ leg get molested. DON’T COME BACK, CHRIS!

Vinegar: For the last time, that was NOT Austin! But you can believe what you want, AS KISERAGI PLANTS A ROUNDHOSE KICK RIGHT INTO BROWN’S JAW!!!!

Hanson: Kiseragi is trying to bruise up Brandon’s face? I’m surprised.

Vinegar: Bleh… Brown goes tumbling out of the ring, but he went through the bottom and middle ropes, so he’s still in the match. Kiseragi deciding to wait for him inside the squared circle, as he knows that’s where he’ll have to win the match anyway. Brown not re-entering the ring though, instead he’s advancing over to Gabby, who’s still attending to the recovering Diamond Jack. What’s Brown doing?!

Hanson: HE JUST LAID HIS HANDS ON GABRIELLE!!! DISQUALIFY HIM!!! ARREST HIM!!! EXECUTE HIM!!!! MAKE HIM JOIN GAFFNEY’S FED!!!! DO SOMETHING TO STOP THIS!!!!!

Vinegar: HE JUST PULLED THE WOMEN’S TITLE OFF OF GABRIELLE’S WAIST!!! NOW HE’S SLIDING BACK INTO THE RING WITH IT!!!

Hanson: I can’t believe this… I… I…

Vinegar: Kiseragi ducks the shot and comes back with a dropkick! Brown evades! My God Dan, are you crying?!

Hanson: There’s something in my eye, Nick… just… just back off!!!

Vinegar: Brown with a second swing of the belt and this one connects! Kiseragi goes bouncing into the corner. He comes stumbling out, but Brown with a harsh elbow to the face. Now looking for a DDT, but Kiseragi counters into an inverted atomic drop! Follows up with a DDT and a springboard moon sault! NOW CALLING FOR THE DRAGON TAIL!!!!

Hanson: What kind of dragon tail?

Vinegar: YO MOMMA’S DRAGON TAIL!!!! BROWN BACK UP AND KISERAGI CONNECTS - NO!!!! BROWN EVADES AND SCORES WITH A SUPERKI - NO!!!! KISERAGI CATCHES HIS LEG AND PULLS BROWN THROUGH, INTO A SHINING WIZARD!!! HE CONNECTS AND NOW CALLING FOR THE YARI KICK!!! BROWN UP AND KISERAGI FLYING THROUGH THE AIR IN A FEAT THAT PUTS SAVIOUR TO SHAME!!! BROWN ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY!!!!

Hanson: JEEZ, I CAN’T EVEN KEEP UP WITH THESE GUYS!!!!

Vinegar: NOW BROWN GRABBING KISERAGI AND LOOKING FOR THE GTS!!! NO!!! THE DRAGON SLIDES FREE AND DROPKICKS BROWN OVER THE ROPES!!!! BRANDON HANGING ON FOR DEAR LIFE!!! THERE’S TOO MUCH ON THE LINE TO GIVE UP!!!! BUT KISERAGI BOUNCING OFF THE OPPSITE ROPES AND LOOKING FOR ANOTHER YARI KICK!!! IF THIS CONNECTS -

: Hold up, hold up, hold up!!!

Vinegar: WHAT?! Kiseragi’s eyes landing on the stage and he’s stopped dead in his tracks. What could have me him do this? Oh God no…

Hanson: Yeah! Travis Roberts, Declan and Cara Prescott are all up on the stage, Nick! And The Significant Player has got a mic! Wait, so does Roberts!

Prescott: Don’t even bother finishing this match. You see, there’s something we neglected to tell you. Travis, if you will.

Roberts: It’s quite simple, really. The Blessed One and The Heart And Soul Of GIW had a discussion and they came to one, undeniable conclusion: that the competition in GIW is woefully inadequate. Absolutely no one in this match deserves to face The Headliner in a one-on-one match at a Pay-Per-View, because none of you have the ability to even compete in the same league as Travis Roberts. So The Revolution made a decision. The last two competitors would both go onto Distant Whispers for the glory of being defeated by The Blessed One in a triple threat match. At least that way it will give the illusion of seeming like Travis Roberts will have an even remotely challenging task on his hands. And really, that’s the best anyone can hope for.

Vinegar: WHAT?! KISERAGI AND BROWN ARE GONNA FACE ROBERTS?!

Hanson: Oh man, Roberts is always thinking of our fans!

Vinegar: Please! This is just insulting!!

Prescott: Now we could have told you that from the beginning, but that wouldn’t have been nearly as much fun as watching you two window lickers beat the stuffing out of each other for no reason, would it? HA! Now get the hell out of the ring! Your match is finished and there are some real superstars scheduled to compete now!

Vinegar: This is ridiculous! The two men in the ring look ready to kill The Revolution!

Hanson: Yeah, but if they did that, they wouldn’t be able to challenge for the Title. Plus they’d just get owned like Austin the midget, anyway. Now let’s get on with the main event!

[Lord Hastings]

Vinegar: Now here come BoolZ and The Crimson Ghost! They are happy not to be hanging around backstage, they wanna get out here and face these two faced punks…

Hanson: I guess we won’t be having their entrances then? That’s a damn shame, entrances are a great way of padding out the match and give us a chance to talk inanely…

Vinegar: You are mistaking us, for you…Look Chinatsu is right behind BoolZ and Ghost, that’s gotta give you a conflict of interests tonight Daniel…your friend and idol Declan Prescott on one side, your dream girl the other…

Hanson: Chinatsu is just here to support her mentor, you should know her well enough by now, she would never interfere in a match, she has dignity…

Vinegar: Unlike ‘The Revolution’ who won’t waste an opportunity to manipulate the result of any match, by any means they see fit…

Hanson: That’s idle speculation, you are meant to be a professional.

Vinegar: We all saw Prescott involve himself in The Global Heavyweight Title match at Battleground, handing his new ‘chosen one’ the Global Heavyweight Title…

Hanson: This is not the time or the place for your hollow allegations against our magnanimous Owner and our glorious Champion, can’t you see this match is about to start. Randy Boolzian has made it to the ring, as has Ghost…

Vinegar: And I am still amazed at how anyone involved in that brutal Battleground match just a week ago can even get on their feet 7 days later…

Hanson: I’m just as amazed at the show of resilience form ‘The Headliner’ after his brutal match with Komosube…

Vinegar: Are you being serious? You seriously think that compare with BoolZ’s victory.?

Hanson: You’re right, Travis barely broke sweat in his match, Komosube was no real challenge for ‘The Highest Standard in GIW’…

Vinegar: God, he’s got you saying that now? Is there anyone in this company…nay…in this country with a bigger ego than our current Global Heavyweight Champion?

Hanson: Look no further than the man currently standing opposite from him, our current Hardcore Champion , the guys got a hell of an ego for a man who has been seen in public on countless occasions with Chris Austin…

Vinegar: BoolZ is an incredibly respectful individual, unlike Roberts and Prescott who only moments ago declared that there is no-one worthy of facing The Global Heavyweight Champion one on one at Distant Whispers!

Hanson: Why are you so wound up by that? Usually you’re are going on about how the Revolution stack the matches in their own favour, now Travis Roberts has graciously accepted two challengers rather than just one…

Vinegar: Something doesn’t small right…

DING!

Vinegar: And the match is underway…

Hanson: Will you look at that, despite the lack of entrances, we still managed to chat inanely…

Vinegar: Speak for yourself, Travis Roberts and Randy Boolzian will start this, and Roberts charges at BoolZ, who dodges the clothesline, and Travis comes back off the ropes, and BoolZ drops down to his stomach, Travis rebounds again, this time BoolZ leapfrogs him…

Hanson: But The Blessed One has stopped right behind BoolZ, who turns round and is greeted by a right hand…

Vinegar: No he dodges and manages to get hold of The Global Heavyweight Champion’s arm and flip him onto the canvas, and then drops a leg across The Headliners face. Now BoolZ drags Roberts to his feet…Vertical Suplex on the Champion…and Prescoot reaches over and grabs BoolZ…I knew he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from interfering…and that brief distraction has given Travis Roberts the chance to roll up BoolZ…ONE…Not even close, BoolZ kicks out….and both men are now back on their feet, as Randy Boolzian locks up with Travis Roberts…BoolZ with a stiff knee to the abdomen of Travis, the Blessed One returns in kind though, and now has BoolZ in a headlock…

Hanson: And there is the takedown, but Travis doesn’t remove the headlock and rests on top of BoolZ’s back, stretching this guys neck out…

Vinegar: It may look like a simple move folks, but after what Randy Boolzian went through last week, every fibre of his body has got to be aching…but he’s fighting through the pain, and BoolZ makes it back to one knee…he throws and elbow to the Champions stomach, and another, and another…Travis breaks the hold…BoolZ springs to his feet, springboards off the second rope…TWISTEDSTEELE! Travis has now rolled out of the ring and retreated to his corner like the coward he is…

Hanson: That’s just smart strategy, take some time to regroup…

Vinegar: Well it’s given the chance for BoolZ to tag in the Ghost, and now BoolZ rolls from the ring, as Travis climbs in and tags in Declan Prescott…

Hanson: Oh boy! This is great, The Significant Player is back in the ring…this place has not been the same without him…

Vinegar: I’d love to be able to say it’s been a fairer place, but The Blessed One has maintained the levels of corruption that existed prior to Declan’s absence from the ring…and the Crimson Ghost makes an immediate impact by hitting Prescott with a lightening quick spinning wheel kick, which has sent the Owner of this country to the ground…he follows it up with a standing moonsault, and it seems Declan’s return to the ring could get difficult…Crimson now grabs Declans leg and starts stamping away on his inner thigh…Oh come on! Travis Roberts from behind nails the Ghost with a swinging neckbreaker…but BoolZ comes steaming in and takes out The Blessed One with a clothesline…

Hanson: Only to turn into a quick kick to the midsection from Prescott who then hits a Double Arm DDT! Randy’s face gets reacquainted with the mat…and now Glenn Burke is ushering Roberts out of the ring…

Vinegar: And The Ghost has got back to his feet, and springs to hit Declan Prescott with a flying headscissors…and goes for another standing moonsault…

Hanson: NO! Declan raises his legs in time, and Ghost goes crumpling to the floor, and Declan gets on his feet…tags Travis in, Travis climbs to the top rope…Prescott lifts Ghost…backbreaker, but Declan holds him on his knee…and Travis launches from the top rope…TOP ROPE LEGRDOP TO THE GHOST! That could have snapped the little pervert in two…

Vinegar: And as Burke leads Prescott out of the ring, and helps BoolZ to his corner, Travis Roberts uses the opportunity to choke out the Ghost…this is vile…and as soon as Burke turns round, Travis raises his hands from the Ghost and steps back as if nothing happened…

Hanson: You are making all this up! You think our fans can’t actually SEE what’s going on and that they will believe your lies! They are not all blind…

Vinegar: Ummm…ook! Anyway Ghost is getting to his feet, and Travis runs at him, only to be caught by a drop toe hold from the Ghost, who leaps to his feet, and as Travis gets to his feet the Ghost jumps to the top turnbuckle….CHILL, HOMBRE!!! The Ghosts hits that vicious Huricanrana on The Global Heavyweight Champion…ONE…TWO……

Hanson: Travis kicks out with time to spare, but he does look shaken up…

Vinegar: And Ghost gets back to his feet , and climbs to the turnbuckle…and waits…Travis gets to his feet…Ghost leaps…THE SPIN CYC…

Hanson: NO! Travis steadies himself, and turns the moves into a modified suplex, falling backwards and slamming the Ghosts head underneath his own back...

Vinegar: Both men now in the middle of the ring in pain, both men looking for the tag, Ghost is making his way to his corner…and he makes the tag…but as he does so Travis rolls from the ring, as BoolZ climbs in, The RBI is really fired up now…and he’s laughing at the cowardice of The Revolution, who are both now on the arena floor, huddling…probably discussing tactics…and BoolZ is taunting them, as the fans in the arena goes wild for The Hardcore Champion…The Revolution now turn their backs on the ring…and BoolZ smiles…runs to the opposite ropes…now towards the Revolution….he leaps over the top rope…

Hanson: But The Revolution quickly turn to face the high flying cretin…

Vinegar: WHERE THE HELL DID THAT CHAIR COME FROM! Declan Prescott just smashed a steel chair into the face of Randy Boolzian, who comes crashing down on top of Travis Roberts…and Glenn Burke has rightly called for the bell…The Revolution have been disqualified…

Hanson: WHAT! Declan merely raised that chair in self defence, he wasn’t the legal man, and BoolZ was about to attack him…

Vinegar: Please! Those two snakes knew exactly what they were doing all the time, and now Prescott has rolled BoolZ off of Travis Roberts and gets the Champion to his feet….and hands him the chair…and grabs another from under the ring…and slides in the ring, and strikes the crimson Ghost with the chair…whilst Randy Boolzian, takes another shot this time from Travis Roberts…this is an utter disgrace, these guys think they can do whatever they want, like Brandon Brown said, these guys are a Cancer…

Hanson: Wait! What’s Chinatsu doing?

Vinegar: She has climbed into the ring unarmed, and she is begging Declan Prescott to stop this senseless beating, I think she is talking of honour and pride and dignity…I think she has misjudged her ausience…WHAT IN THE NAME OF JESUS’ GRANDMOTHER!!!! PRESCOTT JUST NAILED CHEN WITH THAT CHAIR!!! THE OWNER OF GIW JUST HIT A WOMAN WITH A WEAPON!!!…

The fans in the arena instantly start to go insane, pelting the ring with garbage, Randy Boolzian, looks up at what happened, and then towards Travis Roberts…The Red Bull Icons eyes full of disbelief at what has just occurred, but he sees no shock in the face of The Blessed One, and Travis Roberts quickly nails him with another chair shot sending the Red Bull Icon to the arena floor once more…and then he climbs into the ring…

Vinegar: these two guys are despicable…Randy used to look up to Travis Roberts, if there were any doubts in his mind as to ‘The Headliners’ moral compass before tonight, they have been put to rest…

Hanson: Hold on Nicholas, Declan and Travis have both got microphones….maybe we should listen to what they have to say, they may have a reasonable explanation….we have to hear them out…

Vineagr: What reasonable explanation is there for hitting a woman! That was just cowardly…

Declan: Now Now! There’s no need to get all worked up, you can be assured that referee Glenn Burke will be punished for cutting short this main event so prematurely, we know how much you were all looking forward to seeing the Revolution finally victorious together in the ring…

The crowd start to chant ”PIECE OF SHIT! PIECE OF SHIT!”

Travis : You know what, ‘The Blessed One’ doesn’t think these ingrates are actually worried about that dude…Travis Roberts thinks their backwater upbringings have caused them to take offense at Chen’s punishment for questioning the owner of GIW…

The crowd grow even more unhappy and the chants get louder…

Declan: Nah man! You can’t be serious!

Travis: Seriously dude, The Blessed One is pretty sure that’s where all this hostility is coming from…

Declan: I can’t accept that man, this is Los Angeles, the most forward thinking city in the world, you can’t be telling me these guys aren’t all for Equal Opportunities!

Travis: Hey, that’s how it looks to ‘The Highest Standard in GIW’…

Vinegar: EQUAL OPPORTUNITIES!!! WHAT THE HELL!?!?!?

Declan: I thought Chinatsu Chen wanted to make a name for herself here in GIW, and I assumed she’d wanted to be treated like any other wrestler in this company…as I said, I’m an equal opportunities employer, I have employed Epic Failures…

Travis: Like Lord, Deathman…

Declan: Insufferable window lickers…

Travis: Garth Gaffney…

Declan: The Mentally retarded…

Travis: So many to pick from, but let’s go with Andy Savana for that one…

Declan: Nazi Jobbers

Travis: Ha Ha…SAVAGE!

Declan: So as you can all see, I have always been pro-equality in the workplace, I’m not a misogynist anyone who works for me would have received the same treatment had they tried to tell their boss what to do on live TV!

Vinegar: this is bull, pure and simple…now what the hell are they talking about…what idea have they just had?

Declan: You know, this predicament has made The Revolution think, how pro-equality is our Current Hardcore Champion? Does he think women should be allowed in the workplace…

Travis: Probably thinks they should all be under the desk…

Declan: You see, all these idiot fans hate me, but the Red Bull Icon can do no wrong can he? And Chinatsu Chen is a feisty little firecracker we should all respect? Well if that’s the case, how about this, Randy Boolzian…at Distant Whispers, you’re going to defend that Hardcore Title of yours against Chinatsu Chen!

The crowd are stunned into silence…BoolZ is on his feet and his face registers no expression, he just keeps his eyes locked on The Revolution, Chen props herself up against the turnbuckle, looking uneasy…

Declan: Yeah let’s see how the Red Bull Icon feels about equal opportunities in the workplace, and let’s see if you all pelt him with garbage when he smashes that bitches face through a window?

Hanson: See! He’s just giving Chen the push she deserves, she is gonna be the first female holder of that Hardcore Belt….I can just feel it…

Vinegar: I can’t believe what we’ve seen here tonight, The Revolution have ruined two matches, and beaten a defenceless woman! And then tried to justify it all by putting her in a Hardcore Matchup with possible the most dominant superstar in GIW today…thankfully that’s all the time we have though folks, I’m just going to go and throw up, god I hate working for this company sometimes…

[Lord Hastings]

Sentinel 27/09/08 Credits

Dredd/Pax Bathroom Fun
‘The Monster’ Dredd

Men’s Triple Threat
Randy Boolzian

Solomon Debut
Solomon

Hastings vs. Savior
‘The Monster’ Dredd

Women’s Triple Threat
Andy Savana

Battle Royal
Declan Prescott

Tag Team
Travis Roberts

Editor
Declan Prescott
(‘cept fo’ the main event, 'coz Trav is a janglie)