Post by Travis Pierce on Aug 10, 2019 7:56:35 GMT -5
A snazzy guitar riff is heard as we fade in on Pepper Phoenix seated on a couch in front of a live studio audience.
Pepper: Hello, and welcome to After the Shame, the show where we talk about everything related to Ashamed Unthroned, the hit show airing semi-weekly when they feel like it here on the Piercing Media Network. I’m joined by the stars of the show, Travis Pierce and Jet Somers.
Pierce: Thank you, Pepper, we’re excited to be here.
Pepper: This show has been a smash hit, can you tell us what inspired you to add it to the blockbuster line-up we already have here on PMN?
Pierce: Of course. As you know, Ashamed Unthroned is the tale of narcissistic deposed monarchs desperately trying to matter after their kingdom was stolen. Let me say, it’s better than anything you’d find over on Circle Television, that’s for sure.
Somers: I think this has been a tale of a really unique character, Wally Allen.
Pepper: What’s his full title again?
Pierce: Wally Allen of the House Vaintacular, sixty-ninth of his name, the Unpinned, Vain Lord of the Yahtzee and the First Men, Money Maker of the Sexy Sea, Whisperer of Clits, and Father of Prognosticated Hugs.
Pepper: It’s surprising, given how important Wally is supposed to be, how often he is actually missing from episodes.
Pierce: Well, world building is important too, you know.
Pepper: Of course, of course. The tweets are flying in, let’s see what people are saying, shall we?
Somers: Yes, let’s show the world that PMN has it’s finger on the pulse of social media, too!
Pepper: @shameme32 says “character development gone to shit, kind of like Vain betraying his values this entire year #AfterTheShame #WTF”
Pierce: You know, we try to keep things true to life. Ashamed Unthroned is about what you do when what you love is taken from you. Not everybody can handle that. We find out who people really are when things don’t go their way anymore.
Pepper: @unthroned4life says “Last episode too dark, couldn’t see anything. Wish they lit Vain matches that way. #AfterTheShame”
Somers: I don’t remember a great Vain match that I wasn’t in.
Pierce: You haven’t been in many.
Somers: There you go.
Pepper: @ashameduworld says “somebody left some Veen in shot, totally anachronistic! #AfterTheShame”
Somers: Yeah, not sure who messed that up. We’ll own that one.
Pierce: You know what I’d like to know? Who left Vain in the WrestleStock Open after he should have been out the first round? Oh, that’s right, his own bullshit.
Pepper: @pmnlover17 says “some real anti-climactic stuff these past few episodes, kind of like that time @thevainoneugwc was a dominant champ and then got beat by the Hermoine Granger of UGWC Staff #AfterTheShame”
Somers: I mean, Angie’s been pretty good this year.
Pierce: You don’t think you could beat her?
Somers: Well of course I could beat her, but I’m busy here with you.
Pepper: Seems like we’re getting a lot of Vain chatter, both here in studio and online. @bigbeautbobbi says “Maxie took this picture of me with my future ex-baby daddy @thevainoneugwc outside the arena last night for UGWC Staff Synergy XOXO”
Somers: Gross.
Pierce: Listen, if Vain manages to beat me at Grand Slam, I’ll send him an entire barrel of baking powder so he can get that done.
Somers: What about when you beat him?
Pierce: Two barrels.
Somers: Generous.
Pierce: Listen, Pepper, we get the gist. People are disappointed with the season of Ashamed Unthroned. But that’s because the source material went to shit. This show was inspired by Vain, and let’s face it, he’s been pretty uninspiring lately. It’s almost like ever since he got beat at Infinity, he just doesn’t care. I mean, he went and teamed with the Iceman and the saddest sweet-tooth this side of India.
Somers: India?
Pierce: They don’t use a lot of sugar there.
Somers: Ah.
Pepper: Their diets are very high in home-made curries and stews loaded with legumes and fibre, with very few fruits. There's also a distinct lack of dairy, which means very little lactose to add to the figure.
Somers: About thirty-seven more words than I needed, but thanks.
Pierce: And sure, Vain beat Hastings, but when you consider that Hastings probably couldn’t tie his shoes these days if Kenzi didn’t do it for him, is that really impressive?
Somers: Spoiler: NOT.
Pierce: Entirely not the same Donovan Hastings that beat Opie a couple years ago at Horizons.
Somers: Hrm.
Pierce: In the main event.
Somers: Okay, hold on-
Pierce: And then what does Vain decide to do, as he’s busy withering on the vine? He goes and sticks himself in MY tournament at WrestleStock? Fuck off. Screws me out of my match, just so he can go ahead and lose to the same hoss he was trying to avoid in the second round anyway? FUCK OFF WITH THAT SHIT.
Travis is now seething, but he pauses and looks at Jet.
Pierce: Were you saying something?
Somers: I was, but you got ranty, so you go right ahead.
Pierce: It’s fine, I’m fine.
Jet just waits.
Pierce: You know, last year he was “Entertainment Professional of the Year” and all, and who beat him with a title on the line? ME.
Somers: Yup.
Pierce: And of course I had to end up missing Synergy last week because two weeks ago, Vain couldn’t handle his lube!!!
Somers: Let is all out, we’re here for you.
Pierce: HE’S A SELF-IMPORTANT, PRETENTIOUS DOUCHE JOCKEY!!!
Somers: There it is.
Travis relaxes in his seat.
Somers: You good?
Pierce: I’m good.
Pepper: You know, I hear Vain and Vix are a thing now.
Somers: That’s ridiculous.
Pepper: I have sources.
Pierce: Do they work at CTV?
Pepper: No.
Pierce: He might have something here.
Pierce: This is Travis Pierce, reporting LIVE! from the lobby here at PMN HQ, where we have a breaking news update! I’m joined now by Victoria Jenson.
He turns to address a confused looking Victoria.
Pierce: Thanks for joining me, Vixie.
Vix: What? Jet asked me to come down, I don't have the patience for another Travis.
Pierce: I’m sorry, Opie isn’t here right now.
Vix: So why am I here?
Pierce: So let’s cut right to the piercing truth, address the elephant in the room. What’s the deal?
Vix: Your lack of any recent tangible success? If you are anything like your namesake it probably has something to do with ignoring solid advice.
Pierce: Don’t be coy. The tabloids have been running it for a week, everyone already knows. Tell us about you and Vain.
Vix: Vain? Well, I once beat him at Yahtzee, not that he would ever admit it, if that's what you are referring to.
Pierce: But it’s been reported by multiple credible hobos that you were seen leaving Casa del Roberts and getting into Simon Wellington’s car.
Vix: I was taking a vacation to Florida and Simon is a friend who knows the area well.
Pierce: So what you’re saying is you and Simon are an item now.
Vix: Jesus! What is it with men? Everything is about sex, a woman can't accept a lift in this day and age without it being considered an advanced form of seduction. I am surrounded by idiots, and most of them are called Travis.
Pierce: I see. Okay, so I’ll be honest, I was hoping for some inside dirt on Vain, but I see we’re barking up the wrong tree with that one. No problem, after all, I think we’ve uncovered the real headline here.
Vix: That your investigative journalism skills are even poorer than your in-ring ones?
He gives her a coy smile.
Pierce: You’ve got a Travis-sized hole in your life. Fortunately, I give great Travis. Alpha Travis, to be precise.
She slaps him in the face and storms off. He rubs his face gently and smirks.
Pierce: She hits like a Vain…
Pepper: Hello, and welcome to After the Shame, the show where we talk about everything related to Ashamed Unthroned, the hit show airing semi-weekly when they feel like it here on the Piercing Media Network. I’m joined by the stars of the show, Travis Pierce and Jet Somers.
Pierce: Thank you, Pepper, we’re excited to be here.
Pepper: This show has been a smash hit, can you tell us what inspired you to add it to the blockbuster line-up we already have here on PMN?
Pierce: Of course. As you know, Ashamed Unthroned is the tale of narcissistic deposed monarchs desperately trying to matter after their kingdom was stolen. Let me say, it’s better than anything you’d find over on Circle Television, that’s for sure.
Somers: I think this has been a tale of a really unique character, Wally Allen.
Pepper: What’s his full title again?
Pierce: Wally Allen of the House Vaintacular, sixty-ninth of his name, the Unpinned, Vain Lord of the Yahtzee and the First Men, Money Maker of the Sexy Sea, Whisperer of Clits, and Father of Prognosticated Hugs.
Pepper: It’s surprising, given how important Wally is supposed to be, how often he is actually missing from episodes.
Pierce: Well, world building is important too, you know.
Pepper: Of course, of course. The tweets are flying in, let’s see what people are saying, shall we?
Somers: Yes, let’s show the world that PMN has it’s finger on the pulse of social media, too!
Pepper: @shameme32 says “character development gone to shit, kind of like Vain betraying his values this entire year #AfterTheShame #WTF”
Pierce: You know, we try to keep things true to life. Ashamed Unthroned is about what you do when what you love is taken from you. Not everybody can handle that. We find out who people really are when things don’t go their way anymore.
Pepper: @unthroned4life says “Last episode too dark, couldn’t see anything. Wish they lit Vain matches that way. #AfterTheShame”
Somers: I don’t remember a great Vain match that I wasn’t in.
Pierce: You haven’t been in many.
Somers: There you go.
Pepper: @ashameduworld says “somebody left some Veen in shot, totally anachronistic! #AfterTheShame”
Somers: Yeah, not sure who messed that up. We’ll own that one.
Pierce: You know what I’d like to know? Who left Vain in the WrestleStock Open after he should have been out the first round? Oh, that’s right, his own bullshit.
Pepper: @pmnlover17 says “some real anti-climactic stuff these past few episodes, kind of like that time @thevainoneugwc was a dominant champ and then got beat by the Hermoine Granger of UGWC Staff #AfterTheShame”
Somers: I mean, Angie’s been pretty good this year.
Pierce: You don’t think you could beat her?
Somers: Well of course I could beat her, but I’m busy here with you.
Pepper: Seems like we’re getting a lot of Vain chatter, both here in studio and online. @bigbeautbobbi says “Maxie took this picture of me with my future ex-baby daddy @thevainoneugwc outside the arena last night for UGWC Staff Synergy XOXO”
Somers: Gross.
Pierce: Listen, if Vain manages to beat me at Grand Slam, I’ll send him an entire barrel of baking powder so he can get that done.
Somers: What about when you beat him?
Pierce: Two barrels.
Somers: Generous.
Pierce: Listen, Pepper, we get the gist. People are disappointed with the season of Ashamed Unthroned. But that’s because the source material went to shit. This show was inspired by Vain, and let’s face it, he’s been pretty uninspiring lately. It’s almost like ever since he got beat at Infinity, he just doesn’t care. I mean, he went and teamed with the Iceman and the saddest sweet-tooth this side of India.
Somers: India?
Pierce: They don’t use a lot of sugar there.
Somers: Ah.
Pepper: Their diets are very high in home-made curries and stews loaded with legumes and fibre, with very few fruits. There's also a distinct lack of dairy, which means very little lactose to add to the figure.
Somers: About thirty-seven more words than I needed, but thanks.
Pierce: And sure, Vain beat Hastings, but when you consider that Hastings probably couldn’t tie his shoes these days if Kenzi didn’t do it for him, is that really impressive?
Somers: Spoiler: NOT.
Pierce: Entirely not the same Donovan Hastings that beat Opie a couple years ago at Horizons.
Somers: Hrm.
Pierce: In the main event.
Somers: Okay, hold on-
Pierce: And then what does Vain decide to do, as he’s busy withering on the vine? He goes and sticks himself in MY tournament at WrestleStock? Fuck off. Screws me out of my match, just so he can go ahead and lose to the same hoss he was trying to avoid in the second round anyway? FUCK OFF WITH THAT SHIT.
Travis is now seething, but he pauses and looks at Jet.
Pierce: Were you saying something?
Somers: I was, but you got ranty, so you go right ahead.
Pierce: It’s fine, I’m fine.
Jet just waits.
Pierce: You know, last year he was “Entertainment Professional of the Year” and all, and who beat him with a title on the line? ME.
Somers: Yup.
Pierce: And of course I had to end up missing Synergy last week because two weeks ago, Vain couldn’t handle his lube!!!
Somers: Let is all out, we’re here for you.
Pierce: HE’S A SELF-IMPORTANT, PRETENTIOUS DOUCHE JOCKEY!!!
Somers: There it is.
Travis relaxes in his seat.
Somers: You good?
Pierce: I’m good.
Pepper: You know, I hear Vain and Vix are a thing now.
Somers: That’s ridiculous.
Pepper: I have sources.
Pierce: Do they work at CTV?
Pepper: No.
Pierce: He might have something here.
~
Pierce: This is Travis Pierce, reporting LIVE! from the lobby here at PMN HQ, where we have a breaking news update! I’m joined now by Victoria Jenson.
He turns to address a confused looking Victoria.
Pierce: Thanks for joining me, Vixie.
Vix: What? Jet asked me to come down, I don't have the patience for another Travis.
Pierce: I’m sorry, Opie isn’t here right now.
Vix: So why am I here?
Pierce: So let’s cut right to the piercing truth, address the elephant in the room. What’s the deal?
Vix: Your lack of any recent tangible success? If you are anything like your namesake it probably has something to do with ignoring solid advice.
Pierce: Don’t be coy. The tabloids have been running it for a week, everyone already knows. Tell us about you and Vain.
Vix: Vain? Well, I once beat him at Yahtzee, not that he would ever admit it, if that's what you are referring to.
Pierce: But it’s been reported by multiple credible hobos that you were seen leaving Casa del Roberts and getting into Simon Wellington’s car.
Vix: I was taking a vacation to Florida and Simon is a friend who knows the area well.
Pierce: So what you’re saying is you and Simon are an item now.
Vix: Jesus! What is it with men? Everything is about sex, a woman can't accept a lift in this day and age without it being considered an advanced form of seduction. I am surrounded by idiots, and most of them are called Travis.
Pierce: I see. Okay, so I’ll be honest, I was hoping for some inside dirt on Vain, but I see we’re barking up the wrong tree with that one. No problem, after all, I think we’ve uncovered the real headline here.
Vix: That your investigative journalism skills are even poorer than your in-ring ones?
He gives her a coy smile.
Pierce: You’ve got a Travis-sized hole in your life. Fortunately, I give great Travis. Alpha Travis, to be precise.
She slaps him in the face and storms off. He rubs his face gently and smirks.
Pierce: She hits like a Vain…
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