Post by Roxy Cotton on Aug 17, 2019 11:19:40 GMT -5
PROXY
“There. That’ll have to do.”
Roxy Cotton takes a step back and looks at the woman in front of her, then reaches forward to straighten the very obvious blonde wig on top of the woman’s head.
“Not perfect. Not even close. But, it’ll do. Here, look.”
Roxy holds up a mirror. In the reflecting glass, we see Maxine sitting in front of her, her face done up with ridiculous levels of make up, and with the aforementioned wig affixed to her head. Max blinks in surprise at her own face, reaching a hand toward the mirror, but Roxy pulls it away.
“What are you doing? Have you never used a mirror before? God, you’re so extra.”
Tossing the mirror onto a dresser, Roxy struts away on her toned legs, balancing on six inch high stiletto heels. An athletic bandage is wrapped around her right ankle, but it doesn’t appear to be bothering her much.
“Here, look at this one. You need to practice, show me what you’re going to do when you go out there with Captain 80s.”
Cotton opens a closet door, revealing a sliding panel within that is covered from floor to ceiling by a massive mirror pane. Maxine stands from the straight backed wooden chair in which she sat, her tactical style cargo pant cuffs tucked into military combat boots. Her upper body, however, is straining the seams of a tiny baby tee with artistic trim. The thick bundles of back and trunk muscle ripple under the lace and taffeta, threatening to tear the entire garment off.
As Maxine steps in front of the mirror, the reflection of her chest becomes plainly visible. Pink, sparkling glitter and rhinestones spell out PROXY in bold, block lettering. Also revealed behind the two women is the slender body of one “Loverboy” Vinnie Lane, who appears to be sitting on the foot of the bed and playing on his cell phone. In his underpants.
“Vinnie, what are you even doing? Can’t you get a signal?”
Roxy asks with her hands on her hips as Vinnie moves the phone around in swoops and whorls, pointing it in every imaginable direction and angle.
“No dude! There’s a Lickitung in here and I’m trying to snag it!”
“A what?”
“A Lickitung! Only one of the coolest Pokemon out there, babe! It does this!”
Vinnie sticks his admittedly impressively long and thick tongue out of his mouth, then starts laughing uproariously at his own joke. Maxine raises an eyebrow at Vinnie’s tongue, then turns her head to Roxy and catches her eye, causing the Bombshell to blush at the cheekbones.
“Whoa! There it is! Gotta catch ‘em all, babe!”
Vinnie stands and wanders into the bathroom, oblivious to the way the window of his boxer shorts is propped open by his Pokemon-induced excitement boner.
When Roxy turns her attention back to Maxine, Max is staring at her with a slight smirk. The behemoth woman holds her hands up in front of Roxy’s face, palms in, about four inches apart from each other in an estimation of approximate length.
“What, no, don’t be silly.”
Roxy grabs Maxine’s wrists and pulls her hands further apart, making them more than half a foot apart.
“That’s more like it.”
Maxine’s head tilts to the side with an eye roll. Roxy waves her off and takes a step back, then starts to walk around Max in a slow circle, taking in the sight of her half-makeover.
“I think this will work. Mostly. You’ve got the blonde hair… the makeup… the clothes, sort of… we’ll get you a mini, I’ll just have to hit up a Lane Bryant or something and get a tailor to make it work. I mean all those drag queens in A Star is Born got into dresses, and they were, like, full blown dudes… there has to be a place to get skirts that big.”
Maxine’s brow furrows. Roxy’s eyes drop to the boots.
“We’ll have to work on those. What’s your shoe size?”
Vinnie wanders out of the bathroom then, holding his phone triumphantly in the air.
“Got him!”
“That’s great, bb. Really proud of you. We’re kind of busy right now, though? You know Chill is coming up, and we have to go back to stupid BRIDGEPORT of course. Ugh.”
“You sure you’re ready to go back there, babe? You had a pretty traumatic experience…”
“Yeah, duh, of course. What do you think, it’s easy? It’s my responsibility, Vinnie. It’s my cross to bear that the highlight of my professional career coincided with maybe the worst thing that’s ever happened to me… it’s, like, a seagull around my neck, you know?”
“Albatross, babe.”
“No, I’m not hungry.”
“What?”
“Huh?”
They look at one another, blinking. Maxine drops her face into her hands and just slowly shakes her head.
“Whatever. Anyway, Chill. Me and Captain 80s need to get our trophy back. It was bullshit that we lost it to stupid JOHNNY of all people. I broke a nail, the contest should have been halted right then and there and made a no contest!”
“Sure, babe…”
“But anyway, it’s fine. We’ll get it back. I’m the greatest champion the UGWC has ever seen, after all. Grand Slam. Three championships at the same time. I’m the only one who could beat Angie, and she’s the only one who could beat Bordy… so really it’s like I beat everybody, you know? Except Eden, since she died. But I beat her before that anyway, just, like, never alone. If she was still alive I’d totally do it but whatever. Instead I’ll just keep her legacy alive by reminding everyone in UGWC that I’ve eclipsed her as the greatest female representative this company has ever had. Simple.”
“You got a little off track there, dude, what were we talking about?”
“Simple. Chill. Obviously my ankle is, like, really injured. I’m basically crippled right now. So Maxine is going to act as me for the Chill rematch against Johnny and Yammy.”
“Yammy?”
“Don’t worry about that. Just help me finish with Max… she’s going to be Roxy by Proxy. Proxy Cotton.”
“Is that allowed, babe? You think they’ll let you?”
“Why wouldn’t they, Vinnie? I’m the champion.”
“Well, Max is a LOT stronger… and I mean this match is a…”
“A what?”
“Well, you know.”
Vinnie pantomimes pulling on something and Maxine snorts, trying not to laugh.
“Gesundheit.”
“Vinnie, focus. If you think the Coalition is going to have a problem with me subbing in Proxy Cotton due to my serious injury, I want to know why. Like, it could be a big problem. I could sue!”
“Right, but… it just seems a little deceptive, you know? Like you’re yanking the wool over their eyes. Really giving that wool a serious pull.”
“What are you doing right now? With the words?”
“Just DRAGGING the wool, dude. It’s a real battle to jerk it, you know? Like a gladiatorial dragging combat.”
“My god, you’re so weird. They’re going to let me do it, Vinnie. I’m injured. I got hurt in their ring. I deserve a little compensation, don’t you think? Like, you don’t deny a handicapped person their right to park closer to the store, do you?”
“Rox you literally screamed at a dude in a wheelchair just last week…”
“DO you?”
“No, dude! But this is…”
“That reminds me, Vinnie, did you get my handicapped card for the Mustang yet? I want to go to the mall but I don’t want to have to park too far away. And I’m handicapped now.”
Roxy points to her ankle.
“Babe… you’re gonna be fine…”
“Did you GET it Vinnie. That’s all I’m asking, it’s a simple question… I’m hurt, I shouldn’t have to walk too far or compete on Chill. It’s super easy, why are you making it all so difficult?”
“Right. Sorry, babe. I’ll handle it.”
“Good… now, Max… what shoe size are you? We don’t have a lot of time.”
Maxine holds up both of her hands, all five fingers up on each. Roxy’s eyes widen, but then Max roughly nudges Vinnie with her elbow, nearly knocking him over.
“Ow dude!”
Maxine glares at Vinnie, and realization dawns on him as he looks at Max’s hands.
“Oh!”
He holds one of his hands up next to Maxine’s then, spreading his phalanges out like hers.
“She wears a fifteen, dude. I helped her pick out a wicked pair of Doc Martens for her birthday!”
“Her birthday?”
“Yesterday, dude…”
Maxine looks down forlornly at her massive feet. Roxy looks back and forth between her fiance and her bodyguard.
“Fifteen isn’t even a real size. You guys are jerks. My ankle hurts and I need to lie down!”
Roxy stomps away and flops onto her bed, elevating her wounded ankle on a pillow and grabbing a sleep mask off of the bed post. She grabs a glass next to a bottle of vodka from her bedside table and sips on the paper straw sticking out of it, then yanks the mask over her eyes and lays back, crossing her arms over her chest.
“I’m going to bed!”
Maxine heads for the door, followed by Vinnie who slips off a light switch as they depart together. Vinnie mutters to Maxine as he shuts the door.
“It’s ten in the morning…”
~THE END~