Sentinel 11/10/08 RESULTS

[Lord Hastings]

“Unknown Music” begins to play as Solomon makes his way out to a small amount of cheers.

Dennis: The following match is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, SOLOMON!

Hanson: Do the fans know that this guy is a Christian?

Vinegar: Some might since they are cheering for him.

Hanson: I was questioning why they weren’t cheering for him, Nick. I’ll just assume they were not updated on the lifestyles of the competitors.

Vinegar: The wrestling lifestyle is all these fans need to know in order to enjoy our shows every week.

Hanson: I call shenanigans.

“Stranglehold” by Ted Nugent plays as Cappeli makes his way out to the ring. The fans also welcome him warmly.

Dennis: And the opponent, MICHAEL CAPPELI!

Hanson: Must be open ring tonight if these guys will be the ones facing off tonight, Nick.

Vinegar: Everyone has to start somewhere, Hanson. I doubt it is helping their case if you are going to attack them from every angle.

Hanson: Builds Character.

Vinegar: Experience can do the same but with less the ache. The “Nightmare” is what Cappeli is sometimes called around the back.

Hanson: Sometimes? He’s been here five minutes and he has his own biography. I’ll decide if I feel like calling him the nightmare after I have seen him wrestle a bit.

Vinegar: Owen Paterson is the referee for the match and Solomon looking to gain a victory this week after a hard fought triple threat match last week.

Hanson: Did he win that match?

Vinegar: No, there was a different winner in that match, Hanson.

Hanson: Wait a second, that was the match where Chassie won! HA. Solomon has a loss to Chassie Fear of all people.

Vinegar: Settle down before we get sued, Hanson.

Bell Rings!

Hanson: Time for some wrestling to go down.

Vinegar: Cappeli looking slightly confident in his first match with GIW while Solomon looking to make some sort of a name for himself.

Hanson: I once tried to make a name for myself in wrestling but I just ended up breaking my neck so I said screw it.

Vinegar: Tragedy strikes often but not tonight for I predict a close bout between these two.

Hanson: Cappeli dashes towards Solomon with a clothesline, but NO, Solomon hooks the arm and attempts a quick pin!

Peterson: 1!

Peterson: 2!

Vinegar: Cappeli sure to kick out before the count of three.

Hanson: I think he was about to be pinned before the time of the match was even at three seconds, Nick.

Vinegar: Surely would have been embarrassing but Cappeli back to his feet and staring down Solomon who seems quite calm with everything. Solomon, while small, has great strength which he attributes to god.

Hanson: I doubt Declan helped him work out.

Vinegar: Funny, but Solomon with a stiff kick to the gut of Cappeli who counters a second attempt and drops Solomon on his back. Cappeli follows up with an elbow drop but Solomon to quick and moves out of the way.

Hanson: Solomon is quick as deuce and he springboards off the top rope!

Vinegar: THE SECOND COMING!

Hanson: Cappeli moves out of the way but Solomon lands on his feet anyway! This guy is like a monkey but not near as groomed!

Vinegar: Solomon turns into a forearm from Cappeli who Irish whips him into the corner and follows up with a rough back elbow. Solomon stumbles into the middle of the ring and Cappeli shows no mercy as he rebounds off the ropes and hits a flying clothesline to take Solomon down.

Hanson: Cappeli winning would put him in the same league as Chassie Fear apparently.

Vinegar: She is quite the athlete despite what you say, Hanson.

Hanson: Quite the looker as well.

Vinegar: Cappeli looking cocky and goes for a stomp but Solomon is very quick to move out of the way. Cappeli tracks him down but as Solomon gets to his feet, he manages a forearm to the stomach of Cappeli. Not enough power it seems because Cappeli fires back with a heavy headbutt that sends Solomon back to the ground.

Hanson: I wish Declan didn’t forbid us from betting on the matches or I could have so much money in my pocket right now. Especially with the Savana vs Declan matches of yesteryear.

Vinegar: Solomon falls back to the ground from the headbutt but instantly rolls back onto his feet and meets Cappeli with a high dropkick. Cappeli only stumbles back a bit and goes for a side kick to the head of Solomon who ducks and hits a massive shoulder block out of nowhere!

Hanson: I’ll admit that shook the ring even though he jumped in the air an hit it.

Vinegar: Cappeli rolling around on the ground in pain as Solomon has seemingly gained control.

Hanson: Taking control is such a perverted term, Nick.

Vinegar: Solomon lifts up Cappeli but is met with a thrust to the throat followed by an attempted clothesline!

Hanson: HA! Cappeli bounces off the rope, chest first, and falls right into a massive German Suplex!

Vinegar: Solomon doesn’t give him time to rest and jumps off that top rope again! He MISSES AND LANDS SQUARE ON HIS FACE!

Hanson: I think Cappeli could be feeling cocky because he is standing and laughing as he bends down to lift up Solomon. I might really like this guy if he continues to impress me-

Vinegar: Solomon rolled him up!

Peterson: 1!

Peterson: 2!

Peterson: 3!

Hanson: I HATE LIKING A WRESTLER! They always end up losing.

Dennis: Your winner, via pinfall, SOLOMON!

Vinegar: Solomon gains a hot victory in a very fast paced match and I am sure he will make a much bigger mark as soon as he is given the chance.

[Lord Hastings]

Shacklers Revenge’ begins playing, being met with mostly indifference. Just as the song kicks in, a massive explosion of red, white and blue pyro goes off at the stage entrance, and then through the smoke, Chip Masters charges forward to the ring, with nothing but absolute focus on the match and his opponent. Behind him, his training camp filled with some of the best wrestling minds in the world, including a psychology coach, a match strategy adviser and conditioning conserver. Ignorant of his team behind him, Chip bolts into the ring, does a quick pose on the four ring posts and then stands in the ring's centre, pumping himself up, jumping up and down on the spot, ready for action.

Dennis: The following match is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, making his GIW debut, from Greenwich, Connecticut and weighing 245 pounds, The American Champion… CHIP MASTERS!

Vinegar: Masters making his debut here. He hasn’t wrestled in some four years, which means DJ must have done a lot of digging to find footage of this guy from an indy fed.

Hanson: Which is weird, as he usually doesn’t do any research.

Vinegar: Nonetheless, tonight we’ll see just what this Chip Masters guy is made of.

A major blast of pyro explodes from the stage, and Through the Never begins playing. Sean Cyanide slowly walks out holding the Book of Cyanide and with his trench coat drenched in blood. He slides into the ring and sets the book in the middle of the ring and hops on a turn buckle and raises his arms slowly and begins chanting out passages from the book.

Dennis: And the opponent, from Sacramento, California and weighing 223 pounds, The Mad Hatter Of Violence… SEAN JENSEN!

Vinegar: I thought it was Cyanide.

Hanson: Nope, Jensen. Look at my laptop, his profile page even says so!





Vinegar: Well I’ll be. This is one of those rare times when you actually know what the hell you’re talking about. And my God, that pink font is ridiculous.

Hanson: The bell has rung, Nick! Lets watch the fight!

Vinegar: Chip’s posse includes a cheer leading team, who is spelling his name out at ringside.

Hanson: Oh yeah, look at those girls bounce up and down! Can’t get more American than that!

Vinegar: But Chip doesn’t seem to be just theatrics, as he takes Jensen down with a double leg trip. Now rolling through and applying a stiff headlock. Jensen is able to scramble free, before he can completely lock it in. Both men back up and Jensen blasts The American Champion with a big dropkick!

Hanson: Honestly, how can you be watching Jensen when there’s an entire squad of cheerleaders at ringside?!

Vinegar: It’s my job, Daniel. I actually earn my pay cheque, unlike some people.

Hanson: I agree, Randy Boolzian really does suck.

Vinegar: Oh for God’s - WOAH! Masters with an INCREDIBLE belly-to-belly suplex puts him back in control of this match! But Jensen is back up without hesitation. Chip charges, straight into an arm drag that sends him colliding into the corner! He’s all hung up now and Jensen capitalises with a quick boot to the face! Now Hazel getting between the two, telling The Mad Hatter of Violence to back off while his opponent is in the corner.

Hanson: I think Hazel should go and join that cheerleading team. None of the referees in this joint can actually do their jobs anyway.

Vinegar: I guess that makes you a role model. Back in the ring, Masters has recovered thanks to the breathing space East gave him. He’s back up, but Jensen quickly thumps him back down with a harsh clothesline. Masters back up, but Jensen whips him to the ropes. Now Sean bouncing off the opposite ropes and comes back with a spear - NO! Masters side steps and plants Jensen with a drop toe hold! Looking for another headlock, but Sean grabs hold of the ropes!

Hanson: I wouldn’t mind that blonde grabbing my rope -

Vinegar: Let’s focus on the match! Jensen back up, but Masters plants him with a German suplex. NOW LOOKING FOR THE SEEIN’ STARS N STRIPES! NO! JENSEN FIGHTS HIS WAY OUT OF IT!

Hanson: I think I’m in love, Nick…

Vinegar: Both men back up and Jensen with a kick to the gut! Delivers a hammering pile driver! NOW CALLING FOR THE SHOT OF CYANIDE! Masters getting up… AND JENSEN PLANTS HIM! NO!! THE AMERICAN CHAMPION COUNTERS INTO A FALLING DDT!!!! AND NOW HE LOCKS IN THE SEEIN’ STARS N STRIPES!!!! JENSEN’S GONNA TAP! HE HAS NO CHOICE!!! NO!!! DYLAN JAMES JUST RACED DOWN THE RAMP AND THREW HIMSELF ONTO THE APRON!!! EAST IS DISTRACTED AND CHIP HAS NO CHOICE, BUT TO RELEASE THE HOLD!

Hanson: I wouldn’t wanna release my hold on that cute, little -

Vinegar: Masters with a dropkick to DJ, sends him tumbling off the apron AND INTO THE CHEERLEADERS!!!

Hanson: NO!!! THIS ISN’T RIGHT!!!!

Vinegar: BUT JENSEN WITH THE SCHOOL BOY ROLL UP FROM BEHIND!!!! ONE!!! TWO!!!! THRE - NO!!!! MASTERS KICKS OUT!!!! BUT JENSEN COMES RIGHT BACK LOOKING FOR THE CYANIDE DRIVER!!! BUT MASTERS REVERES INTO A BACK DROP AND GUILLOTINES JENSEN’S THROAT RIGHT ACROSS THE TOP ROPE!!!!

Hanson: Anyone, but the cheerleaders…

Vinegar: AND NOW CHIP LOCKING IN THE SEEIN’ STARS N STRIPES ONCE MORE!!! AND JENSEN TAPS!!!! THIS ONE’S OVER!!!!

Dennis: Your winner, via submission, CHIP MASTERS!!

Vinegar: I don’t know who looks to be in more agony here. Jensen or Hanson. I think the cheerleaders are okay, Daniel…

Hanson *rocking back and forth in his seat*: Just stay away…

Vinegar: Okay… well folks the real story here is the impressive win of Chip Masters. No doubt he and Dredd will be prime contenders for the Tag Team Titles!

[Lord Hastings]

War and Peace’s eclectically mixed entrance music fires up to a fair pop from the crowd as the lights go down. They come up again as Xavier Bryan appears at the top of the ramp. A moment later Marek Daisuke erupts from the floor, flips over the manager and lands in front of him.

Dennis: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is a Handicap match. Introducing first, at a combined weight of 329lbs and accompanied to the ring by Xavier Bryan, Marek Daisuke and Ezekial Pax. War and Peeeeeeeeeace!!!

The two of them make their way down the ramp as the music melts into Pax’s half and he appears, running through the crowd, leaping over the crowd barrier and into the ring. The pair of them climb opposite turnbuckles and pause momentarily before backflipping off together.

W&P’s music fades out to be replaced by Divine by Korn. The lights fade out again and a single spotlight picks out Dredd.

Dennis: And the opponent. From Manhattan New York. Weighing in at 385lbs. He is the Monster, Dreeeeeeeeedd!!!

Dredd swaggers down to the ring, pyros firing off down the ramp. He climbs in and stares off against the smaller opponents.

Hanson: What was Declan Prescott thinking making this handicap match? It’s so unfair.

Vinegar: I know what you mean partner. It’s never easy to go into a match outnumbered.

Hanson: Outnumbered? No, it’s not fair for War and Peace. They need at least two more guys their size to make a match of this.

Vinegar: Did you forget that Dredd is yet to pick up a win against either member in singles action?

Hanson: They both cheated. That was obvious.

Vinegar: Oh yeah, how dastardly of Marek to lay on the floor last week and hit himself against the chair Dredd was swinging in the air.

Hanson: Exactly.

Vinegar: Riiiight. Well we’re getting underway right here and the War and Peace members are splitting up, each circling opposite ways around the bigger opponent. That’s good tactics right there.

Hanson: That’s cheating.

Vinegar: How?

Hanson: Because it is.

Vinegar: I bet you were on the debate team in High School weren’t you.

Hanson: Shut up.

Vinegar: Dredd lashes out and goes after Pax to his left with a big right hand that knocks him to the ground but he’s left his back open to Daisuke who lays those hard forearm shots into his lower back.

Hanson: Ha, it’s like a wasp desperately stinging an elephant. No chance and that backhand shows just how little Dredd cared and Marek’s flat on his back too.

Vinegar: Pax is back to his feet though as Dredd stomps on Marek. Pax has got him by the head and pulls him back over his knee. Brutal backbreaker there, no doubt Dredd felt that one.

Hanson: Meh. Look at them ganging up on him now. They just can’t fight fair can they.

Vinegar: Well it is a handicap match, what are they supposed to do? They’ve got Dredd back up and a double whip into the corner. Daisuke whips his partner after him and hit’s the shoulder thrust in the corner. Marek follows him up, steps up off his back and hit’s the shining wizard.

Hanson: It’s going to take more than that. Zeke going for the pin but only a one count.

Vinegar: They’ve dragged him back up again and another double whip from the ropes. Looking for a double back body drop.

Hanson: They telegraphed that one and Dredd’s boot cracks Zeke across the chest and a clubbing blow across Daisuke’s back knocks him down.

Vinegar: Pax is still on his feet though and ducks a clothesline attempt. Comes back with the right hands. Looking for a suplex.

Hanson: No way he’s going to lift him. Lay of the weed kid, it’s giving you delusions of grandeur.

Vinegar: Slightly wishful thinking there but an A for effort. Dredd turns it around into a vertical suplex of his own and rolls into the cover.

1!

2!

Vinegar: Kick out by Peace. War too back to his feet and driving Dredd back to the ropes with left and right hands. Irish whip attempt-

Hanson: Reversed by Dredd and a huge power slam. Pin!

1!

2!

Vinegar: Broken up by Iron Man with a stiff low dropkick to Dredd’s face and I think he’s going to be seeing a few stars there. Pax helping his partner get to his feet first before they drag Dredd up. Irish whip.

Hanson: Dredd’s not going to let them have it all their own way though and catches himself on the opposite ropes.

Vinegar: Pax with the running cross body-

Hanson: And Dredd catches him like a child.

Vinegar: Marek off the ropes though and a chop block takes Dredd’s legs out, Ezekiel dropping right on him for the cover.

1!

2!

Hanson: Ha! Dredd almost threw him right out of the ring with that kick out.

Vinegar: Marek’s still on his feet though. Off the ropes and slides between Dredd’s legs. Looks like he wants to hit the Rising Sun Driver.

Hanson: He can’t get Dredd up though and he fights him off and hit’s a big inverted DDT.

Vinegar: The Red Eyed Wonder is back in before Dredd can follow up though but gets dropped to the mat with a clothesline.

Hanson: Flying knee attempt by a recovering Marek and Dredd just threw him over the top rope.

Vinegar: The Monster’s power game getting the better of his smaller opponents here and he’s taking Pax over to the corner. He’s lifted him up on the top rope and climbing up after him. Could be the concrete piledriver here.

Hanson: Sure is. This one’s going to be over very soon.

Vinegar: No! Marek back up onto the apron and hit’s the Ishikawa Execution.

Hanson: They’re merely delaying the inevitable Nick.

Vinegar: Maybe not. Pax follows up with a diving elbow and the cover.

1!

2!

3-

Vinegar: Last second kick out. That was two and nine tenths I think.

Hanson: Please. He had all the time in the world.

Vinegar: I don’t think either of them can believe that wasn’t it and I think they’re looking to put this one away right now. Maybe the Xavier Bryan Presents…

Hanson: No chance. They won’t be able to hold Dredd up to hit that.

Vinegar: I think you’re right and they seem to agree too. Both of them heading up to the top ropes.

Hanson: Dredd’s pushed himself up to one knee.

Vinegar: They both leap diving---

Hanson: He caught them! Dredd caught them both by the throat. Look at them squirm!

Vinegar: Huge double choke slam!!! Both members of War and Peace are down and Dredd covers Ezekiel Pax.

1!

2!

3!

Ding! Ding! Ding!

Dennis: Here is your winner, the Monster Dreeeeeedd!!!

Hanson: See, it was practically a squash match.

Vinegar: I think you need to give War and Peace more credit than that. It came down to the line.

Hanson: Yeah right. Look at Dredd, he’s fine. He’s not even done with them. He’s gone back to give Daisuke some more, stomping away.

Vinegar: Marek’s got his foot though and flipped him on his back. He must be running on pure adrenaline right now as he’s on top and just raining down haymakers. Owen Peterson stepping in to pull Marek away.

Hanson: I told you they were cheats. The match is over. Let it go.

Vinegar: Oh but it’s ok for Dredd to start it? Shit, Marek gets out of Peterson’s grip and slams a powerful knee to the side of Dredd’s head as he tries to get back to his feet and more haymakers, nothing Dredd can do but try to cover up. Xavier Bryan in the ring now and him and Peterson drag him off again. War and Peace’s manager looks like he’s trying to calm his friend down.

Hanson: Dredd rolls out of the ring. He’s got better things to do then play with these guys. He already won.

Vinegar: Marek’s free again and launches over the ropes! Huge plancha to the outside Dredd hit’s the ramp hard.

Hanson: Securities out here now. They should stop this little hissy fit. You lost fair and square kid. Get over it!

GIW security lead by Bling drag Marek off again and hold him back as Dredd slowly gets back up, touching at the new bruises on his face as he trails off to the back.

[Lord Hastings]

Vinegar: And we’re ready for our six person inter-gender tag match, folks.

Hanson: You know if you told me I’d get to see men and women engaging in physicality in a GIW ring two months ago, I would have figured Austin would have finally got a hold of Karma the Handsome.

Vinegar: I thought the fun was in bagging on Marlo.

Hanson: I preferring tea-bagging women, but hey whatever floats your boat. Either way though when I heard Gabby on one side Calypso, Hastings, and Roberts on the other and tag team I was not thinking about an actual match. This is a gip!

Vinegar: If you say so. Take it away Dennis.

‘Crimson Ghost’ by the Misfits hits the PA system, and after a few seconds the Crimson Ghost comes running through the curtains high fiving the fans. As he makes his way to ringside, and threatens to moon Hanson ‘Diamond in the Rough’ by Airbourne kicks in. DJS no sooner than makes his way to the ramp, and ‘Envy’ by KHZ takes over the airwaves.

Dennis: Ladies and Gentlemen this next contest is scheduled for one fall, and is a six person inter-gender tag match. Introducing first the Crimson Ghost, followed by Diamond Jack Severino, and their partner she is the GIW Womens Champion she is Gabrielle Madison Montgomery!!!

Hanson: Oh shit Mitchell! Slow down these entrances or I won’t be able to fully enjoy the Diamond Princess!

Vinegar: Are you kidding me? Any slower, and we’ll be here all night.

Hanson: So what? C’mon did P set a limit on how long entrances can take or something (grrrr!)?

‘Haunted’ by Evanescence kicks up as Calypso slithers her way from behind the curtains followed by Donovan Hastings as ‘Immortal’ by Adema starts up, and plays long enough for Calypso and Hastings to descend the entrance ramp.

Dennis: And their opponents the Lord and the Mistress of Pain this is Calypso Desmona and Donovan Hastings!

Hanson: See! He heard me, and ogling Calypso aint as good, but I’ll take it.

Vinegar: Yeah well, that is strange. Look Mitchell doesn’t even look like he can believe this.

With Calypso and Donovan both at ringside ‘Bummer’ by Monster Magnet kicks in, and plays for a half minute or so.

Dennis: And I am finally able to introduce their partner now that all eyes should be on the entrance ramp. He is the Global Heavy Weight Champion, one half of the Revolution, he is the TWiSTeD Guerilla, he demands his own entrance, and this is a fucking embarrassment. This is Travis Roberts.

Travis Roberts slowly enters the entrance area with his arms spread wide, and the GHW title around his waist. The crowd erupts in a vicious chorus of boos, and the Blessed One isn’t fazed.

Hanson: If anyone deserves the crowds full attention it’s the Most Influential Man in Sports Entertainment the Millennia!

Vinegar: Yeah be sure to pick up your bonus check, Daniel.

Hanson: Thanks for the reminder.

Vinegar: Well someone should have reminded Calypso not to take her eyes off of Gabby!

Hanson: Why would anyone need to be reminded of that?

Vinegar: Because Gabrielle floored her with a forearm shot, and is now putting the boots to her.

Hanson: Man to be Jack right now. He’s got the perfect vantage point of those long caramel toned legs.

Vinegar: Well he doesn’t look to happy, and now Hazel East is trying to get control, and forcing everyone else out of the ring. It’s going to be the ladies to start off the action.

Hanson: As it should be.

Vinegar: Well Gabby now pulling Calypso to her feet by her hair, and using that hair to snapmare her back down! And now another series of kicks!

Hanson: Yeah stomp a bitch!

Vinegar: Well Calypso clawing her way back to a vertical base with the ropes, Gabby continues the assault with stomps and now fists, Calypso back up, and now firing right back!

Hanson: That bitch better not hit my Gabby in her flawless face!

Vinegar: And there it is! The Womens Champ is reeling! Calypso taking the upperhand, Running Neckbreaker!

Hanson: Gabby, get up, get out of the ring, that psycho fwhoom bitch is crazy!

Vinegar: Calypso pulling Montgomery back to her feet, hard irish whip to the corner, here’s the follow up, and Monkey Flip!

Hanson: Ha Ha!

Vinegar: What the hell, DJS just clobbered Calypso as she was standing up after the monkey flip!

Hanson: It’s called the blind tag. Come on aren’t you supposed to be the play by play man!

Vinegar: Well GMM is a bit confused too. Hazel is trying to get her out of the ring, and Gabrielle is in awe or shock. Severino picking up Calypso, and a huge belly to belly suplex!

Hanson: That’s right, show that crazy horse why you don’t mess with Ms. Montgomery!

Vinegar: Severino now picking Calypso up off the canvas, positions her on his shoulders, Glassja…

Hanson: No go! The Blessed One is finally at ringside! Match over, Travis wins!

Vinegar: Match over? Roberts spends all this time strolling down the ramp, trips Severino, and you declare Roberts the winner!?!

Hanson: It’s a fact dude. Check it out, no one is going to beat the champ, so the champ wins. If the champ is gonna win, might as well call it now!

Vinegar: All I’m ready to call is the tag to Hastings, and the blindsiding of DJS while he yells at Roberts!

Hanson: Well Diamond Jack back up, firemans carry, he’s going for the Jack Lock, what the hell I’m the color man!

Vinegar: Then stop stealing my lines! Firemans Carry, looking for the Jack Lock, Hastings rolls back, both men to their feet, hiptoss by Hastings, DJS back up, Double leg takedown takes down Hastings, Donovan back up, STO, DJS back up…

Hanson: Blind tag by Ghost!

Vinegar: Blind sided by DJS, and that bicycle kick just sent the Crimson Ghost right back to the outside!

Hanson: Oh come on.

Vinegar: And DJS turns around right into a huge spine buster from Hastings! Severino’s down, here’s the cover!

East: ONE!

Hanson: And Gabby with the save!

Vinegar: Gabrielle now back to the apron, and calling for the tag. Severino to his feet, and he makes, no he pulls back from the tag.

Hanson: Why on earth wont he make the tag!

Vinegar: I think he wants to the be the one to win this!

Hanson: Hastings back up, gut buster!

Vinegar: No DJS extends those long legs, blocks it, and levels Donovan with a lariat!

Hanson: Oh what is that moron doing!

Vinegar: Crimson Ghost in the ring, he grabs Severino, Chickenwing backdrop!

Hanson: That’s traitor! This is a disgrace! This is absolutely… wait Gabby is bending over and getting in the ring!

Vinegar: Yeah but so is Calypso, she catches Montgomery, Bewitching! Countered, Gabuster!

Hanson: That retard Ghost just shoved both ladies out of the ring!

Vinegar: Where is Roberts during all this?

Hanson: Roberts is doing what only Roberts should be allowed to do. Helping up Gabby.

Vinegar: Ghost with a head of stem, springboard, and takes out Roberts, Gabrielle, and Calypso!

Hanson: Severino’s not going to like that!

Vinegar: Diamond Jack I think saw the whole thing.

Hanson: I think so, is he smiling?

Vinegar: Not for long, he gets to his feet, Hastings turns him around, kick, he’s up, Destiny’s Call!!!

Hanson: This is all Crimson Ghosts fault!

East: ONE!

Vinegar: Speaking of Ghost, he’s digging under the ring for something.

Hanson: No, he’s pulling Hazel out of the ring!

Vinegar: Is that Peterson?

Hanson: That cheating sack of shit, Owen Peterson is…

Vinegar: He’s counting!

Peterson: ONE!

Hanson: It’s a trap!

Peterson: TWO!!

Vinegar: Hastings looking straight at Peterson, He can’t believe it!

Hanson: Neither can I, don’t fall for this trickery!

Peterson: THREE!!!

Hanson: Did he just count for Hastings victory?

Vinegar: Wait Owen and Hazel arguing now.

Hanson: That little jezebel is trying to cost Owen his apology

Vinegar: Oh dear god! Roberts with those brass knuckles!

Hanson: Brass knuckles taped to a baseball bat!

Vinegar: Peterson now trying to separate Ghost and Roberts! East trying to pull apart Gabrielle and Calypso! And Severino looks in shock, or hatred, or I don’t know what.

Hanson: Well what’s the official word of the match? Peterson wasn’t the legal ref, can he call a winner?

Roberts: Did you see the Blessed One baptize that mask wearing clown! And Peterson can call a winner but only because he’s calling a winner that makes the Headliner win! The TWiSTeD Guerilla wins! Now where is that little crap-turd Mitchell, raise the Headliners hand!

Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen I guess it’s official. Here are your winners Calypso, Donovan Hastings, and Travis Roberts.

[Lord Hastings]

Hanson: Welcome back guys, and what a treat we have in store, sitting next to me, after yet another phenomenal victory is ‘The Blessed One’ Travis Roberts, the current Global Heavyweight Champion, thanks for joining us, it’s a great honour…let’s get to Mitchell Dennis for the start of the main event.

Dennis: The next match is scheduled for one fall, and is a tag team contest, but before we introduce the competitors, we have a special guest announcer...

“The Air That I Breathe” Hits the stadium PA, and the fans stand on their feet and hurl abuse towards the stage, as the Owner of Global Impact Wrestling, appears on stage, raises his arm a la some WWE third generation superstar, soaking in the hatred with a smug smile…

Dennis: From Los Angeles, California…DECLAAAAAAN PRESCOOOOOOOOTT!!

Vinegar: it’s a refreshing change for our esteemed owner to actually announce his entrance…he usually just surprises us all in the middle of someone else’s match…

Roberts: You’re expecting ‘The Blessed One’ to rise to your bait aren’t you Nicholas? Travis Roberts is afraid he’ll have to disappoint you, your opinions don’t even enter the stratosphere ‘The Headliner’ occupies…

Vinegar: Jesus! You really do talk like that, it’s not just for show…

Roberts: With poignancy and depth…

Hanson: Our Global heavyweight Champion may be too polite to slap you down Nick, but don’t forget I’m still here…

Vinegar: How could I?

Hanson: …and I won’t hesitate to make you look silly…

Vinegar: You do that every single night…oh great, our ‘gallant’ leader arrives…

Prescott: Have these guys congratulated you on another fantastic win for ‘The Revolution’ and their allies tonight?

Hanson: I have, during the break I told T-Rob…can I call you T-Rob…how great his victory was…

Vinegar: It’s true, this guy is the king of kiss up.

Prescott: This guy seems to be the most observant member of our live broadcast team Vinegar. You could learn a few things from Daniel.

Vinegar: I’m sure my sexual partners would be very grateful…

Before Vinegar can push himself closer towards unemployment “Kickstart My Heart” hits over the stadium PA, and two time Global Heavyweight Champion, Brandon Brown appears on stage, and the crowd go wild.

Dennis: Introducing first, from Albion, Indiana….BRAAAAAANDON BROOOOOOOOOWN!!!

Vinegar: What a reception for GIW’s Most Resilient Superstar, quite a contrast to the welcome you received boss.

Prescott: Pfft! I don’t need the opinions of these bottom feeders, I just want their money. If they keep shelling out their lousy paycheques to see GIW’s Luckiest Superstar get his ass handed to him every week, I’m not gonna point them toward more prudent investments…like a lobotomy.

Vinegar: Yeah he got real lucky with you at No Holds Barred…

Roberts: ‘The Significant Player’ doesn’t have anything planned for Distant Whispers Nicholas, ‘The Headliners’ is pretty sure we could pull some strings and get you a spot against ‘The Heart and Soul of GIW’ at the O2 Center…you fancy getting your ass handed to you in front of thousands of halitosis ridden Brits?

Prescott: No need to threaten him Trav, Vinegar is gonna see the error of his ways next week when Brandon Brown pulls himself away from the internet, and climbs into that Triple cage with you. When Brandon’s ‘resilience’ dries up, Nicholas here will remember this conversation…

Hanson: I’ll make sure of it…

Vinegar: Is it me or is it taking a hell of a lot longer for these guys to get to the ring?

Hanson: There’s four of us down here, get used to it, what else did you expect from a Main Event commentated by ‘The Revolution’? A narrative masterpiece of flowing action and excitement?

“Teahouse” hits and Alex Kiseragi appears on stage as Brandon enters the ring. The fans quieten down a little, but still sound their appreciation for ‘The Dragon’

Dennis: And his partner, from San-Francisco, California….ALEEEEEEEEX KIIIIIIISERAGIIIIIIII!!!!

Vinegar: And here comes your other opponent at Distant Whispers Travis, and this young man is rapidly rising through the ranks in GIW. The pressing question tonight is whether he and Brandon Brown can get on the same page, and they’ve ahad their differences in the past…

Hanson: Well one things definite, they’ll both be on the same page at Distant Whispers…THE LOSING PAGE…who’s with me…

Vinegar: Folks, whilst you watch Alex Kiseragi walk down the aisle, Daniel hanson has sunken to new depths of pitiful behaviour, and has thrown his hand in the air, awaiting a high five from The Revolution…who have kept him hanging. Probably the first action I’ve agreed with of theirs since they formed…

Hanson: You do realise we can all still hear you when you start talking to the viewers as if you were a Shakespearean character keeping the audience up to date in a play?

Vinegar: To be honest I suspect these guys only hear what they want to, and start taking part in discussions that interest them…I have a feeling their a little worried about Alex kiseragi, hence their ambivalence, ‘The Revolution’ are focused…

Roberts: ‘The Blessed One’ is listening to every word, when will you get it into your thick skull that it’s rare your opinions come close to affecting ‘The Highest Standard’ in GIW’s state of mind? As for worrying about Alex, the guy can’t even work out why Brandon brown keeps superkicking him, ‘The Dragon’ is unlikely to have the aptitude to work out ‘The Blessed One’s weekly supply issues, let alone defend himself against ‘The Headliner’s game plan at Distant Whispers…

Vinegar: So you are going to cheat…again…

Hanson: Scandalous lies…name ONE time these guys cheated…

Vinegar: I’ll try not to be too obvious…how about D-Mike at EI8HT…

Prescott: Are you really casting doubt on the match that sent that retarded kids entertainer into hiding? I mean, did anyone really shed a tear? Who cares how it was done…’The Revolution’ did GIW a favour at EI8HT.

Hanson: Right Alex is in the ring, so this match is about to start…

Vinegar: We’ve still got BoolZ and Chen to come out, this is a tag match you moron…

Hanson: Really? These intro seem longer than that Sean Jensen match…

Roberts: Would you have preferred it the other way round….

Vinegar & Hanson Simultaneously: GOD NO!

“Warriors Code” hits the sound system, and Chinatsu Chen makes her way through the curtain, and the crowd continue to cheer…

Dennis: And their opponents, introducing first….see we do, unlike many retards in this place, pay attention…from Kyoto, Japan…..CHINATSUUUUU CHEEEEEEEN!!!!

Vinegar: And here is the very woman that our noble leader slammed in the face with a steel chair just two weeks ago…

Prescott: And catapulted her into contention for the Hardcore Title, highlighting on prime time TV GIW’s great equal opportunities programme. Do you see her complaining…

Vinegar: Nothing to do with trying to turn the fans against Randy Boolzian?

Roberts: You are like a small child, you have no ability to retain information, ‘The Significant Player’ made it clear at the beginning of the match that he did not care what these mouth breeders think.

Vinegar: That was a long time ago…

Hanson: Declan, when she busts BoolZ open, spills his blood on the canvas, and wins the Hardcore title, can I present it to her…

Prescott: I don’t see why not Daniel.

Vinegar: Look forward to the sexual harassment case.

Prescott: The only person who should worry about meeting with GIW lawyers is you Nicholas, you are forever spouting unfounded allegations across the airwaves. Daniel Hanson has always had the facts at the heart of his work, and he deserves the occasional reward, such as some on screen time….the longer your face stays off screen the better….

Vinegar: Oh please!

Prescott: No seriously! We’ve had studies conducted, and your face causes viewers to either wash their hands or change the channel. I have to take these reports entirely seriously, the sponsor’s demand we keep track of them…and adjust accordingly.

“Wonder Whats Next” starts to play and the levels of crowd excitement go up a notch and the fans cheer for the GIW Hardcore Champion, Randy Boolzian.

Dennis: And her partner, hailing from Oceanside, California….RAAAAAAANDY BOOOOOOOOOOLZIAN!!!!

Vinegar: Looks like your plan to undermine the RBI’s popularity with the fans by making him square up to Chen has backfired boss.

Prescott: We’ve already made it clear that was not ‘The Revolutions’ plan, and I’m not going to spend any more time wasting my breath on such suggestions.

Roberts: The fan’s will get to see the true Randy Boolzian at Distant Whispers when he relinquishes that Hardcore Title to Chen, what they do with that information is up to them. The actual reactions of the ignorant masses rarely, if ever, figure in the plans of ‘The Revolution’.

Vinegar: I wouldn’t be so sure BoolZ is gonna lose at Distant Whispers, have you guys forgotten no-one, yourself included Champ, have managed to get BoolZ to submit, or held his shoulders to the mat for the three count?

Roberts: And have you forgotten at Distant Whispers ‘The Oriental Firecracker’ does not need to do either, merely make him bleed…

Vinegar: You think that is easier?

Prescott: Chen’s a smart girl, unlike the rest of her family, she’ll figure something out.

Vinegar: Finally all four of our competitors are in the ring, and we’re finally ready to get this…

Prescott: Well that’s all we’ve got time for folks, thanks to everyone for watching, and remember Distant Whispers is coming to you live from London in the UK, next Saturday Night…don’t miss it!

Vinegar: …!?!?!?

[Lord Hastings]

Prescott: C’mon? Really? You all have that little faith in us? You think ‘The Revolution’ would cheat you out of your advertised main event?

Vinegar: It wouldn’t be the first time…

Prescott: The card is always subject to change Nicholas, it’s all at the Promoters discretion…but tonight will go ahead as planned…

Vinegar: Glenn burke is asking the teams who’s gonna start this one up, and it looks like it’s going to be Brandon brown and Chinatsu Chen…

Hanson: No it’s not, BoolZ has stepped in front of Chen and is insisting he starts this match up…I could have sworn he’d wanna give the girl a chance to prove herself, but he’s just a chauvinistic pig!

Vinegar: Or maybe he just wants to show his worth against a former Two-Time Global Heavyweight Champion…

Roberts: A man who’s yet to get a win over ‘The Blessed One’…what will that prove?

DING!

Vinegar: the bells rings and this match is underway, and straight away Brandon runs at Randy, but RBI drops to the ground and Brown runs to the opposite ropes, and back towards BoolZ, who hits a hip toss, but Brandon lands on his feet, and raises a knee into BoolZ’s chest, steps back…SUPERKI…

Hanson: No BoolZ, has ducked out of the way of that…

Vinegar: Looks like Brandon was trying to get a quick win tonight…

Declan: A sensible approach considering he’s gonna have to have all his energy to just survive the main event at Distant Whispers…

Vinegar: you seem to be forgetting that the Main Event is taking place inside a Triple Cage….that means our great Champion, will have no chance of you saving his ass once again…meanwhile Brandon comes back towards Randy, and they lock up, Randy gets the advantage and places Brandon is a Hammerlock wrist hold, but Brandon twists out and gopes for a belly to back suplex….but Randy lands on his feet, goes for a clothesline, but Brown ducks it, only for Randy to spin round, and hit a quick drop kick that sends Brandon brown stumbling backwards into the ropes…

Roberts: ‘The Blessed One’ would have hit that at a lower angle, therefore unbalancing Brandon Brown and sending him to the ground, giving Travis Roberts the opportunity to work on his body…but that’s why Travis Roberts is Global Heavyweight Champion, and Randy Boolzian is hiding behind title defences against midcard nobodies…

Vinegar: Regardless, Randy is now sending Brandon towards the corner with a irish whip…but Brandon counters and sends Randy there, and then follows him in hitting him with a spear in the corner…

Roberts: See that would not have happened if Randy had hit a lower angled drop kick earlier on as ‘The Blessed One’ highlighted…

Hanson: And now Brandon has the upper hand due to it, after the initial backwards and forwards of the match, the Luckiest Man in GIW is stomping away on Randy Boolzian, and has now got him to his feet, and hits a sidewalk cslam on RBI, and then moves to his corner and tags in Alex Kiseragi…

Vinegar: And A-Kis comes flying in, and drops an elbow to Randy’s shoulder, and then locks in an armbar, in the centre of the ring…

Hanson: But my Oriental princess climbs in the ring and breaks the hold…Oh for gods sake! Randy is telling her to get out of the ring, that is hardly fair, she just saved his ass…

Vinegar: I doubt a simple armbar would have made this man submit for the first time in his GIW career…

Hanson: You that confident he’s fully recovered from The Battleground Match…

Vinegar: maybe not, given the fact that the three guys in this match who were in the Battleground match haven’t had a week off since, unlike out Global heavyweight Champion, who got a week off to be a Special guest Referee last week…

Prescott: What are you incinuating? I’kll have you know ‘The Headliner’ was willing to take on both his opponents, one on one in the weeks approaching Distant Whispers…but what kind of message would that have sent ot prospective PPV purchasers….seeing ‘The TWiSTeD Icon’ decimate his completion weeks before Distant Whispers would have completely destroyed the buy rate…sure we all know the result is inevitable come next Saturday, but no reason to spoil the retarded ausiences fantasies weeks before it’s necessary…it’s just good business….

Vinegar: Anyway BoolZ and Kiseragi are now exchanging sidekicks to the midsection, and look at the speed, they are using each other like Kick bags…and neither man is backing down…

Hanson: not exactly the smartest move 7 days before a Pay per View title match…but now BoolZ has grabbed Kiseragi’s left leg, only for Kiseragi to leap and send his right foot towards BoolZ’s temple…

Vinegar: But BoolZ thinks as quickly as he moves and manages to duck his head, and let go of Kiseragi’s left leg, leaving ‘The Dragon’ spinning 360 degrees and then landing on the mat…

Hanson: And look at Chen, she’s ready for the tag, those kicks took it out of both competitors, it’s time for Chen to prove her worth to Randy, the fact she belongs in that ring with him next week…but Randy has just turned his back on her, and Chen stamps her foot in a rare display of frustration as that misogynistic half wit, turns back towards Kiseragi and hits a somersault legdrop, from standing…

Vinegar: You gotta admit that’s pretty impressive…

Hanson: if it wasn’t overly stupid and disrespectful to his own partner…he’s not giving Chen a chance to prove herself…

Roberts: ‘The Blessed One’ would offer a different hypothesis; it may have nothing to do with Chinatsu Chen. Randy has already shown he disregards her as a worthy opponent; it’s more likely he’s focused on his Horizons match. It’s fairly obvious to anyone with brain cells in the double digits that The Red Bull Icon is gonna come after Travis Roberts, and The Global Heavyweight Title, that will continue to sit on his shoulder come Horizons, just as it does today. Given that fact, it’s probable Randy just wants to show the world he can defeat Kiseragi and Brandon single handidly….just as ‘The Blessed One’ will do next Saturday….

Vinegar: Whatever the reason, BoolZ is really taking it to Kiseragi now, and he whips him into the corner…steadies himself and launches himself at him…NOFLYZONE…

Hanson: But Kiseragi, showing great speed himself, grabs the ropes and flips himself over and onto the outside canvas as Randy goes flying into the turnbuckle, upside down…and as Randy crumples to the floor ‘The Dragon’ springs over the top rope yet again, and lands a legdrop on Randy Boolzian…and then falls to the floor…seems boith guys have taken it out of one another…but Boolzian has no-one but himself to blame…

Vinegar: Both men fighting to get to their feet…Kiiseragi is crawling towards Brandon brown….whilst BoolZ drags himself up using the ropes, and edges towards Chen….Kiseragi makes the tag, just as BoolZ regains his footing, looks at Chen’s outstretched hand, and turns his back on her yet again…

Hanson: This is just foolish, she’s gonna be in far better condition come Distant Whispers at this rate…Brandon Brown runs at Randy Boolzian, and hits a spinning DDT and takes the Red Bull icon to the floor, and goes for the pin…1…2…NO!…

Vinegar: Randy Boolzian continues to never have been pinned in a GIW ring…

Roberts: For now…

Vinegar: Ands from nowhere BoolZ kips up…FLUIDITY!!! And he’s taken Brandon down, he stumbles up….pulls up Brandon, and throws him into Chen and his corner…and now Randy Boolzian launches a spear at Brandon, returning the earlier favour…

Roberts: Too predictable, Brandon Brown has dodged, ‘The Blessed One’ would have seen that coming, he’d never have tried to repeat his opponents move it’s only gonna go wrong…

Hanson: And BoolZ’s head has gone flying into the exposed steel turnbuckle…and The Red Bull Icon has been busted open…

Vinegar: The impact with the steel post must have opened up an old wound from the Battleground match…

Prescott: That First Blood Match must be looking like a fairly bad idea right about now, that wound will have barely heeled by Distant Whispers…

Hanson: Chen will probably be able to open it up with a swift kick from her dainty little feet…and she was quick to react to the mishap, and she has leant over and slapped Randy’s back, getting herself into the action finally, she leaps over the ropes, quickly bows her head towards Brandon, ducks an attempted Clothesline and then hits the former Global heavyweight Champion with a swift Huricanrana…BoolZ gets to his feet, and is made aware of the tag, and takes his place on the apron, finally….whilst looking at the blood that covers his hands and face…

Vinegar: And Chen is busying herself showing she can compete with the men, and as Brandon gets to his feet, she whips him across the ropes and on his return hits him with a Calf Kick which sends him down to the ground, she then grabs his legs and flips into a pin…1…not a chance, Brandon kicks out with authority and makes his way to his feet…

Hanson: But Chen shows her speed, and whilst Brandon get’s to one knee Chinatsu launches and hits a Shining Wizard, sending Brandon down again….and she quickly makes another cover...1…2…NO! SO CLOSE!Chen was a hairs breadth away from gaining a pinfall over the Two Time holder of ‘The Blessed Ones’ belt…

Vinegar: She is on a high, and as Brandon gets to his feet again she launches into another Huricanrana…but Brandon catches her…and slams her to the ground with a neck snapping Powerslam….and then he turns towards Kiseragi and tags ‘The Dragon’ back in…they are certainly ion the same page tonight, that doesn’t bode well for you come London Travis.

Prescott: They cannot both hold the belt Vinegar, although the only way they could win is if they could both take down ‘The Blessed One’, even though I doubt four men could outperform ‘The Headliner’, let alone those two misfits….

Vinegar: Well ‘The Dragon’ seems to be focused on winning this match tonight, and he’s quickly gone down to the mat, and slapped on a Dragon Sleeper on Chen, trying to get her to tap out after taking that powerbomb that snapped her head back, but Chen is refusing to tap, grasping at Kiseragi’s arms, but she’s unable to break it…but a dropkick to the neck of the Dragon from BoolZ breaks the hold…

Roberts: What a fool? What matters to him more, his title match next week, or this meaningless tag team encounter? He should let Kiseragi cripple his opponent for next week, regardless of their sex, but again it’s a stark example of why Travis Roberts stands above the Red Bull Icon as ‘The Highest Standard in GIW’…

Vinegar: And a great example of why Randy Boolzian is a finer example of a true sportsman than you. He’d never dream of bringing a Baseball bat with Brass knuckles strapped to it to the ring…

Roberts: Is it really ‘The Headliners’ problem if Randy is too limited to be able to think outside the box? ‘The Blessed One’ thinks not…

Hanson: Kiseragi has decided it would be best to tag out, seems he isn’t too happy brawling with a girl, and Burke sends BoolZ back to his corner…what is it with these guys denying Chen her right to a proper encounter…

Vinegar: I’ve got a feeling BoolZ’s respect is growing for The Oriental Superstar, as she continues to perform her duties admirably, and Brandon comes for Chen, but is hit with Spinning Wheel kick from nowhere, Chen gets back to her feet, turns towards Kiseragi, and starts to scream at him in Japanese…

Hanson: I’ve picked up some Japanese over the last few months, and I’m pretty sure she’s saying something about, pride, respect and tiny grapefruits…

Vinegar: And out of nowhere Chen grabs Alex by the hair jumps onto the ropes, and uses a springboard launch to flip Kiseragi into the ring, she then quickly drops a leg over his neck, only to turn round into a Superkick from Brandon Brown! He goes for the cover…1…2…NO! BOOLZ BREAKS THE COUNT!

Hanson: And now BoolZ is teeling Chinatsu she should have concentrated on the legal man, and then as quick as the blink of an eye he springboards off the middle rope…TWISTEDSTEELE! To Brown…

Vinegar: And Chen now has Kiseragi on his feet, only to be met, by a hip toss, and an armbar….but Randy turns around and see’s this, and breaks the hold and then tosses kiseragi out of the ring…he then turns to look over Brown…

Hanson: Chen springs to her feet, behind BoolZ, but runs past, springs against the ropes, jumps over Brandon brown…then runs up BoolZ onto his shoulders….MOONSAULT OFF OF A STUNNED BOOLZ’S SHOULDERS ONTO BROWN!!!

Vinegar: And she now covers the two time Champion…1…2…3!!!

Hanson: OH MY GOD SHE DID IT!!! CHEN JUST PINNED BRANDON BROWN! SHE IS GONNA BE THE NEXT HARDCORE CHAMPION!!! I THINK A LITTLE BIT OF PEE JUST CAME OUT BUT I DON’T CARE!!!!

Dennis: HERE ARE YOUR WINNERS, VIA PINFALL, RANDY BOOLZIAN…..AND CHIIIIIINATSUUUUUUU CHEEEEEEN!!!!

Vinegar: What a great match, and I have to say I’m completely stunned that you two didn’t storm the ring and try and give your opponents and rival a little Revolution style beating….it was very restrained of you both…

Roberts: Please, those guys were outshined by a 5 foot nothing, 123 pound little schoolgirl, why would ‘The Revolution’ need to break sweat when that’s what’s opposing them?

Prescott: Yeah it was a very illuminating matchup, I gotta make sure the Pay Per View buy rate doesn’t plummet after one of the contenders for the Global Heavyweight Championship just got pinned by a girl…time for us to take our leave.

Vinegar: Finally Travis Roberts and Declan Prescott have got to their feet and are making their way to the back, whilst slow clapping the competitors in the ring. Alex Kiseragi gets up from the outside and slaps the canvas in frustration, as Brandon Brown groggily gets to his feet, whilst Chen and BoolZ just lock eyes until they both bow their heads in respect and head out of the ring.

Hanson: If tonight was anything to go by, Distant Whispers is going to be a hell of a show…

Vinegar: It has certainly been one hell of a night, and we are fully out of time now folks, remember to order Distant Whispers, LIVE next week from London in the United Kingdom!

[Lord Hastings]

Sentinel 11/10/08 Credits

Capelli vs. Solomon
Andy Savana

Cyanide vs. Masters
Declan Prescott

Handicap Match
Alex Kiseragi

Mixed 6 Person Tag
Randy Boolzian

Main Event
Travis Roberts