Post by cooltubesource on Dec 7, 2019 12:28:47 GMT -5
From the best-selling UGWC digital release of all time, UGWC: Best of 2019
Additionally, the Global Challenge itself found itself dominated by the group, with a final that ended in Roxy Cotton pinning me in what will likely be considered both the biggest upset of her career AND its crowning achievement. The tournament also saw the involvement in fan-favorite Cynric, one of my, as of this recording 95 victories, as well as the continued establishment of UGWC newcomer, yet still journeyman wrestler, Wrestley McWrestleface. It also included the now-infamous “The right four people” line which will NOT be spoken about, thank you so much.
Elsewhere, Phrixus Deimos just about murdered Magdalena Lockheart, who was listless after that massive, MASSIVE dump she took on the entire concept of the Cross-Hemisphere Title match being important at Horizons; Dave Rydell was busy reminding us that, no, he is NOT worth a SINGLE fuck without Angelica there to get him wins; both Konrad Raab and Travis Pierce could only scrap enough luck to win one out of five matches, because of course that was all they could do; Zane Scott started the year off HOT during the first-ever Round Robin Tournament (which he would eventually lose); and Le Bord de Dieu did what she does best: Practically murder everything in front of her when a stipulation is involved.
The year was shaping up to be another time of dynamic change of young weighted down by the stalwart refuse to adapt by the old that seems to be the hallmark of the UGWC, but the Rise of the Cool Kids was already forcing a time of evolution.
Oh, and some old man begging for my attention showed up with a monster on a leash...
* * * * * * * * * *
*KNOCK*
*KNOCK*
*KNOCK-KNOCK*
*KNOCK*
Blue eyes shine as the blonde looks up towards the noise outside the broom closet.
It had been difficult to change all of her leggy 5’10” frame in the small room, but Angie Vaughn needed the few moments of silence. Her body hurt from the match just an hour ago, in particular her joints from the assault of someone who refused to just have a “normal” match, but her head ached even worse from being attacked by a former friend and partner. She needed to be alone for a few minutes, to stay away from Roxy and Kenzi, to keep away from a particularly judging red-eyed stare, to breathe some fresh air away from the entire UGWC interview staff wanting her reaction to the first-ever #CoolKidsVs#CoolKids(yes that required an extra hashtag)CoOpMainEventMatch ending in a brawl involving what seemed like half the roster. She needed a break from everything, even if but for only a few minutes. Showered, and changed from her golden bodysuit to a pair of tasteful short-shorts and cutest kitty shirt...with turtleneck, obvs, because turtlenecks were hot as flame...she was ready to head to her hotel, but now the knock at the door.
Not just a knock.
The knock.
“...do you wanna build a snowman…”
She mouths the words silently and takes a deep breath as she stands.
“Come in!”
The door opens and what she both hoped and dreaded came through the door, the person who always knocked that way with her.
“Sister.”
Sarah Grey-Lacklan...UGWC World Heavyweight Champion...her sister...a teeny, tiny fact that she MAY have held onto a TINY ITTY BIT too long...stands before her, taking up the doorway. Well, the width of it, anyway. Their father had been tall, somewhere around 6’3”...though, anytime she asked Mom anything about Dad, all she ever got was little hearts in her eyes and a blush to her cheeks, so she wasn’t exactly sure...but apparently her older sister didn’t get any of that. Sarah was positively tiny in comparison to herself...which had often meant Angie getting things off a shelf for her on the days they had gone shopping...but her sheer presence dominated the small room. Sarah had also showered and changed out of her gear and was now as “Blood Princessy” as “Blood Princess” could get, with a black and red dress that trailed on the ground, and WAY too much makeup on.
“Hey, Sar-Sar.”
Angie couldn’t keep the slight tremble out of her voice. It had been BAD between them ever since that Halloween party at the compound in Maine. It was magical at first...Sar had literally LEAPT into her arms...but then she had changed drastically after the full truth came out. Her head still rang from being kicked by those wicked heels. And...sure...Sarah wasn’t promising DEATH to her anymore...but she was still promising to MAIM her. And that did NOT sound pleasant.
“I asked Ava about that letter you showed me.”
Angie holds her breath. It had been a risk to show Sarah that weirdo stalker letter about how they might have a brother, but she NEEDED the info to come from her! If there was ANOTHER of them, then maybe Sar wouldn’t be so MAD anymore! They could ALL be a happy family! They could-
“We have a brother.”
Angie keeps the breath. Sarah had said it flatly, and with no emotion.
“An older brother.”
Angie’s eyes widen at both that information and the sudden venom filling Sarah’s voice. Sarah was the Big Sister. She was the leader who not only planned every adventure, but OVER-planned every adventure. She didn’t sound pleased with this information.
“Ava has known for a while, from what I understand. And I punched her so hard in the face on Thanksgiving when I confronted her that her nose broke.”
Angie can’t help but feel a small tingle as Sarah’s lips curl into a smile. She missed seeing Sarah smile. They all did. But it fell back into that mask of severity that she had adopted lately, the one that she knew was driving Kenzi NUTS.
“He is Japanese, apparently. A fighter, like us. Like all of us. Lives in Tokyo. We...myself, my Beloved, and Step-Mumsie...are going to go meet him.”
Sarah pauses and Angie opens her mouth to say something, but Sarah’s hand flashes out of the billowing sleeve of her robe and holds up a finger to silence her. It works, in that odd way it always works with Sarah.
“I had Step-Mumsie secure four tickets. I would like for you to come with us.”
Angie’s eyes go wide.
“Sar, I-”
“You have earned it.”
Angie gives her an enthusiastic nod.
“Abs, I’ll go! I’d love to! Obvs. I mean, I’ll always want to go with you guys, and to meet our brother...wow, ya know?! It’s-”
Angie cuts off as Sarah suddenly lunges forward, covering the distance between them quickly. Angie nearly takes a step back, but holds true, and Sarah stands before her and looks up at her. Her odd red eyes looked tired, and Angie knew that was because she was still wearing those awful contacts, but they were full of fire.
“...promise me you haven’t known your whole life…”
Angie can feel her eyes mist up at the whisper, and Sarah’s were beginning to shine with wetness, too.
“...I promise you, Sar…”
Angie’s own voice has fallen to a whisper. She tries so speak louder, but only the whisper makes it out.
“...I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner...I should have...I’m so sorry...but I didn’t know…”
Sarah stares up at her, unmoving, unblinking, not even seeming to breathe.
“...I swear to God, Sister…”
The whisper is as full of malice now as it was when speaking of their older brother.
“...I swear to GOD...if I’m right...and you have always known…”
She looks down and shakes her head slowly. Angie’s hands twitch with a desire to through her arms around Sarah’s shoulder, to bring her in, to promise the world that she didn’t know until her mom told her last year.
“...you will NEVER take Kenzi from me…”
Angie blinks in confusion, uncertain of what she heard.
“W-what? I nabs heard you right. Wh-”
Sarah turns on her heel and walks to the doorway with heavy falls of her heels. At the doorway, she stops and turns her head.
“We fly out of LAX on Wednesday morning.”
She turns and walks away, leaving a confused, but determined, Angie behind her.
* * * * * * * * * *
From the best-selling UGWC digital release of all time, UGWC: Best of 2019
“Good” vs. “Evil”
...while I was away “getting my shit together,” the Coalition found itself beginning to become overrun by a fight between its two prominent singles champions, Angelica and Le Bord de Dieu. This was in part due to Roxy winning the Global Challenge and, instead of actually challenging the World Champion as she was supposed to, bitched out like a pussy and later made excuses about it. In order to fill that void, the World Title match at the second annual Lord of Trios was determined by both the winner AND loser of the aforementioned Round Robin (failing upward!)...thus completely marginalizing and ruining the entire purpose of there being a tournament. Good job, oh Vapid and Useless friend of my wife: You personally ruined the purposes of BOTH tournaments because of your inauthentic personality and shitty behavior.
Angie retained, of course.
And my Beloved was able to drag both Vapid and Useless AND Donovan to a Trios victory. AND Donovan to a surprisingly successful Cooperative run. Vapid and Useless stayed mired in coma-inducing matches with an Angie-less Rydell. Meanwhile, Le Bord de Dieu captured literally every single record associated with the Chaos Championship...most days as champ in a single run, most days total as champ, most defenses, probably a few others...and even won the Melee before challenging for the World Title at Wrestlestock.
Angie retained with, like, everyone’s FAVORITE promotional video of the year, because EVERYTHING is about ANGIE ANGIE ANGIE.
…………….
Somewhere in there, Travis Roberts made the single most underwhelming return of all time, this shitty-as-FUCK tag team named the Saviors tried to out-do that with the single most underwhelming debut, McWrestleface died (I think?), Pierce and Raab continued to not matter...like, ever...Deimos did Deimos stuff, both Holden Orsen AND Kate Steel showed up and performed as such an abysmal level that they effectively erased any credibility they had established earlier in their careers, and that old man looking for my attention stood by impotently while his monster did somewhat okay.
Better than Raab, least.
WrestleStock also saw me return and sacrifice my well being for Kenzi (who thanked me many MANY times in the sack!) while we saved Vapid and Useless’ title during a crazy brawl (still waiting on that “thank you”). It ALSO saw a pretty solid turnout of outside talent for the Cup (my precious!) AND that crazy Cross-Hemisphere match, with bodies coming from several places, mostly due to me, mind you. But was NOT due to me was the inclusion of two UGWC newcomers in the form of rookie Sloane Taylor and British import Sebastian Everette Bryce (yes, sister, the THIRD), who not only impressed all, but saw Sloane win the whole damn thing.
Oh, and at some point through this time period, Zane fucked up and cut a promo on the wrong person but was too pussy to just laugh it off and move forward.
Some professional.
* * * * * * * * * *
Sarah growls as she stands in front of the temple.
Why couldn’t life be simple? Why couldn’t people just DO the things she KINDLY ASKED them to do? Why did they have to FIGHT her so much?! And DAMNIT her hand HURTS. Still! After ALL of that time!
Sarah sighs as she stands in front of the temple.
The plane ride had been hellish. Four members of the Lacklan family, two by blood and two by marriage, stuffed into one row. Sarah had intended on Kenzi having the window seat...bitches like window seats...but her darling, loving, understanding wife REFUSED to be anywhere NEAR Ava! Apparently...as she learned a couple of days ago...their relationship was NOT on the good grounds that she thought it was. They seemed to have gotten long SWIMMINGLY at Outlast! But...as Kenzi pointed out...that was NOT the case. So Sarah had to rearrange their seating so that Ava got the window, Sarah sat next to her, and then Angie next to HER (and her stupid sister’s stupid elbows on her stupid arms kept getting onto HER side of the armrest!), and finally Kenzi on the side. And that was all AFTER Kenzi caught her trying to convince the stewardess to move Angie’s seat to the cargo hold.
She had Kenzi had been fighting for what felt like weeks, with only small reprieves, and that included the plane right. Kenzi was very, VERY tired of how agitated Sarah had been with people lately, but Sarah had a right to be! Angelica, her (non-spouse) BEST FRIEND, and RIPPED OUT HER HEART WITH HER LIES, and now she was edgy and jumpy around EVERYONE. After all, if freakin’ ANGIE could be a lying thief who wanted to steal her life, just IMAGINE what everyone ELSE wanted! All of those WHORES who CONSTANTLY surrounded Kenzi, who was ALWAYS “Mrs. Tee Hee! I didn’t notice anyone flirting!” were probably trying to take her the same way ANGIE was!
Being in Japan wasn’t really any better. They usually enjoyed coming to the country, in part because that was where they had their honeymoon and also in part because of Kenzi’s MASSIVE case of Yellow Fever, but this had been difficult, given the circumstances. Sarah had noticed that neither Ava nor Angie had appropriate attire for where they were going, so she bought them both a kimono. Angie seemed to love hers...though, she no doubt would have preferred to STEAL SARAH’S rather than have HER OWN...and Ava tore the sleeves off so that her scarred arms were visible. Because crazy, of course.
When they got to the place where they were going to meet this supposed brother of theirs, Kenzi had a small panic attack. They had gone to a gym owned and operated by “Xpress Fighting Systems,” which sounded like a stupid and lazy name to Sarah, and Kenzi seemed to be super, duper suspicious of everyone. She wouldn’t explain why she felt that way, though, because Kenzi NEVER shared stuff like that. Yeah, equality! They had been surprised to be greeted by a fellow American...though Ava fully considers herself to still be a French citizen...named Arnold, who was a short man carrying a tennis racket and who got super excited about everything. He took them to the back where they met-
-well-
HIM.
~~
The Mountain looked down with a face of stone at the four tiny women. Guarded by his sunglasses, the man’s eyes could not betray any inward feelings, which was proper. He gave a small bow of his head to the woman in the black kimono, the woman he had met in America, the woman who sat upon his father’s throne. She seemed different, now. Paler. Thinner. When he had met her half a year ago, she had seemed strong, filled with the strength of an oak. Now she seemed frail. Gnarly as a fig tree.
“Eyes on ME!”
The Mountain ignored the angry voice and took in a different woman wearing pink. This one was taller, though still small compared to him, with hair the color of gold. His own hair was platinum, one of the things that made him stand out so much growing up. A closer look at the woman showed eyes of blue that he knew, eyes of blue that-
“Hey! Pay attention to me!”
He passes over the source of the annoying voice again and takes in the third woman, this one wearing blue. She was black, an extreme rarity here, with a mass of braids that made him think of the day’s lunch of tako and rice. She had brown eyes and a strength in her stance that he recognized from his own training. They were all wrestlers, as he had been told, but this one was different. She had striking and ground training, too. A mixed martial artist, like himself.
“I SAID-”
He finally turns his head to take in the loud one. Very tiny, like the black woman, but as fiery in voice as her red kimono was. Her arms waved in the air as she spoke, but the thing that truly caught his attention was the platinum braid. The same shade as his. Eyes were different, though. They were red behind a pair of thick glasses. That was odd.
“-come DOWN here, you OAF!”
The Mountain cocks his head to the side, flinging his chin-length hair away from his sunglasses. An interesting challenge from one so small. Curious, he bends over at the waist, bringing his face to her level, so that they can be eye to eye. Or glasses to glasses, anyway.
“...did you get them, too?”
He cocks his head again in confusion at the whispered question.
“...I swear to God...if you got them, too…”
He pulls away from the odd little woman, and then finds himself seeing stars. The impact across his jaw snapped his entire head to the side, and he can feel his sunglasses flying off his face.
“OW! Oh, fuck ME in the goat ASS! What are you made out of? STONE?!”
He whips his head back to the tiny woman to see her holding her hand, her face contorted in pain. The unseen punch that had rocked him seemed to have done as much damage to her tiny bones as it did his face. After a moment of shaking out her hand, she looks up at him and scowls.
“You DO have his eyes! Why the FUCK did you ALL get them BUT ME! WHY NOT ME?!”
The Mountain’s face nearly breaks its stoicism. Ah, that is what she meant. Outside of his size...well over six feet in nearly 300 pounds of natural muscle...and his stark white hair, the Tokyo-born man also had bright blue, all gifts from the father he never met. It seemed that two of the women before him...his two half-sisters...split those gifts. One had height and a blend of blues in her eyes, but the albino had nothing but the hair.
In a flash, the woman in red spun on her heel and walked out of the room with heavy stomps. The black woman called out to her, and the blonde woman with half of his eyes seemed concerned, but the woman in black positioned herself in between them and his fleeing sister.
“Mes filles!” says the woman with a thick French accent. “S'il vous plaît! Meet your brother...Shinjiro!”
The Mountain...Shinjiro Nakama...folds his arms before his broad chest and stands proudly.
* * * * * * * * * *
From the best-selling UGWC digital release of all time, UGWC: Best of 2019
“On the importance of being Captain”
...the “second half” of the 2019 “season,” if you will, was dominated by me. I mean, sure, there was so OTHER stuff happening, but THE highlight is the story surrounding the title of this particular section. But the director of this video is giving me the stink eye so I GUESS I can talk about the other minor, silly things that played potato and veg to my filet mignon:
- My wife’s favorite porn star returned and tried to get us kicked off the air by literally just showing us her audition tape for Blacked.com and called it “match preparation.” But considering how many Ls she has taken since then, perhaps all that D was, indeed, appropriate preparation?
- Vain try to recover from nearly a year of not giving a shit but just found as many wins as people like Kate. Literally. Dude even lost to freakin’ Pierce on a PPV! And for all of his later boasts, everyone understands that while THAT Vain was able to beat a Sarah that came back too early, THIS Vain would get his ass whooped by THIS Sarah!
- T-Robb continued to cause an overall sense of “meh” among the roster and crowd
- Still better than Raab, though
- My Beloved wife doubled down on something she got wrong (a theme that you might notice is prominent in our marriage!) and a Great Debate was argued over the importance of what “The” means. The Cutie and her scoundrel partner first failed and then succeeded in becoming the Cooperative champions.
- Outside of that win against Vain, Travis perfectly performed his usual brand of “Not factoring into anything at ALL.” Deimos joined him in the Second Act for a killer duet of “Variations on ‘Literally NOTHING we do matters’” but then left the stage for a DELICIOUS (get it?) performance at Outlast.
- Vapid and Useless had a GREAT month, ending in dethroning Angie, but then immediately got outshone by me, as one would expect.
The major moment, of course, was me bringing together an amazing plan. People ridiculed the idea that you should ever care about things (FUCK, Roxy’s takes are shit), but I cared about becoming an Outlast Captain because that was how I was going to begin my path to winning Outlast itself. I beat Zane (didn’t need to put my feet on the ropes, but lulz), won the Captain’s match to secure my first pick, got FUCKED OVER BY THAT SHITTY OLD MAN WHO IS STARVING FOR MY ATTENTION, countered that by bringing in a deathmatch badass, and used that team to get me to the championship round. And then?
I beat Roxy clean.
“BUT SARAH”
I
Beat
Roxy
Clean
.
All pigeons come home to roost.
Oh, and it turns out that Angelica Marie Vaughn was secretly my sister, literally EVERYONE IMPORTANT IN MY FUCKING LIFE FOUND OUT BEFORE I DID, and she’s been plotting to steal my life right out from under me.
But we’ll get back to that in 2020.
* * * * * * * * * *
Sarah seethes as she stands in front of the temple.
“I refuse,” she says to the door. “I refuse to be second. I refuse to be lesser. I REFUSE! I-”
“You have your father’s spirit.”
Sarah’s mouth goes dry as she hears a voice behind her. So wrapped up in thinking about the difficulty of the past few days, from the revelation of a potential brother, to traveling with a family at odds, to meeting the hulking behemoth himself, that she did not hear the person behind her approach. Sarah slowly turns around and is greeted by a Japanese woman, a touch of grey in her hair and crows feet at her eyes to show her age, dressed in a simple dress of white, with a purple hakama and matching bow in her hair. She gives Sarah a small smile, and the albino feels a mixture of emotions within her that she has difficulty discerning.
“Do you-”
Her questions trails off as the woman walks by her and opens the door to the temple, seeming to ignore her existence any further. After the woman walks through the doors, Sarah stands still for a moment, watching her move into the temple with a graceful stride, and then follows her inward. Sarah’s eyes are immediately beset by the soft beauty of the temple, with gentle purples and whites along the tapestries to match the woman’s robe. Several mats line the floor, arranged in neat rows, situated before a life-sized statue of a man she knew all too well.
“What...what is this?”
She looks around the small temple, the place she was told to find this supposed mother of this supposed brother, and sees nothing but the gentleness of an old Shinto shrine. But in place of the imagery she expected among the odd mixture of soft curves and sharp angles, she finds the statue of the man who created so much chaos.
“What…”
The woman does not answer, instead slowly lowering herself to her knees onto a mat, her face facing the statue of the young man with a buzzed head and a strong jaw. Sarah chews on her lips for a moment, and then joins the woman, though she is unable to match her grace as she lowers herself to her knees next to her. The woman raises her arms up slowly, from her sides and into the air, then brings them together before her and places one hand inside the other. After a moment, Sarah mimics the motion, first up to her side, then above her head, and back down to her chest.
“What do you know of your father?”
The woman’s voice is gentle, though slightly touched by age, and instead of it sounding profane in the silence of the temple, it sounds as if it is but the pleasant sigh of the wind.
“Much.”
“What of his time here? In Japan.”
Sarah bites down on her lip.
“Little. He did not speak of it much. He said it was too painful for him.”
The woman next to her nods.
“Yes. His parents perished. Their plane...into the sea. He blamed himself. And so distraught was he that he had to leave. And that meant leaving love.”
Sarah turns her head to look at the woman.
“Are you…”
She gives a small nod of her head.
“We were in love, my child. As much as two so young can be. He trained here. Trained in the dojo to become a wrestler. They accepted him. He chose to live her, to train here, as if he were born here. He was no gaijin. And he was penitent. Visited this temple. Visited me.”
Sarah looks back to the statue and then back to her.
“You were a…”
Her eyes move rapidly back and forth behind her glasses as she searches for the word.
“...a miko? A priestess?”
She nods her head and gives a soft smile.
“Yes. But he brought change. He brought the Word. He was to be Daniel. To lead the world as a warrior king in the name of God. He would heal the world. But then the end of his parents. Of your grandparents. Of Shin’s grandparents.”
She turns her head from the statue and takes in Sarah with eyes as dark as jet.
“He did not know about my son. I did not know until weeks after he left. He pursued God and I played my role.”
Sarah’s eyes narrow in thought.
“You...what...couldn’t call him? Shoot him a text? An e-mail?”
The woman laughs softly.
“This was many years ago, child. My Shin is nearly 30 years old. Nearly as old as the final woman to hold his heart.”
Sarah looks away and again takes in the statue of her father.
“What have you been doing? For nearly 30 years? What did you do all that time? While Daddy wrestled and fought? While he had more ‘wives’ and children? While he...while he did...terrible things?”
“I have kept the faith.”
The woman looks at the statue.
“Your father was consumed by hate, child. Hate for the death of his parents. Hate for the burns that covered his body. Hate for so much. And it made him do and say those terrible things. But I have always known that he would return someday. Return to his love for God. Return for his vision of the world unified by glory and strength. Return to being the Daniel for the world.”
The woman places her hand on Sarah’s shoulder and gently tugs, forcing Sarah to look at her. The black eyes are soft, but they are also full of a look Sarah knows well. The look of fervent faith.
“I have kept the faith. What have YOU done?”
Sarah looks away from the woman, unable to keep her gaze, and returns it to the statue of her father.
What HAS she done for her faith?
* * * * * * * * * *
CoolTube extras!
The Death of Chill!
The T-Robb Letdown!
Behind the Scenes: The #CoolKids Proxy Match!
The Three Equally-Shitty Faces of T-
Okay, enough of that. Listen, Mister Director, but I think that trying to finish this little “best of” commentary is a little silly. Because no matter what has happened, it will not compare to what is going to happen at the end. So, really, who cares? Who cares about all of these extras? Who cares about Rydell beating up Angelica only to have his anger completely overshadowed by my own? He certainly doesn’t, since I’m pretty sure he hasn’t watched a single promotional video of mine in months with the way he keeps on about how Angelica is going to get help from me. Who cares about Vain and Roberts fucking around in a van like Lonestar and Barf? Who cares about Gabby completely fucking up her chance at the Cross-Hemisphere singles match she earned by doing the promotional ghost routine? Who cares about Kate changing her name in her latest desperate bid for any sort of relevance after floundering all year? Who cares about the Dark Destroyer finally getting his first win when we all stopped watching his videos two months ago when it became obvious that it was just going to be the same useless shit over and over and over? Who cares that God’s sense of humor allowed Raab’s equally-shitty Black Ice videos to get a heat transfer?
Mind you, I DO care about a few things. I care about the well being of my Beloved and the wonderful, God-given blessed knee of hers, and look forward to her offering Travis his fourth Horizons loss in a row. I care about making sure that Angelica doesn’t die before I can take care of that myself. I care that Sloane is standing up for herself and fighting to find that difficult balance of life and work. I care that I’m focused on snapping this insane losing streak of mine at the expense of an old man who is fighting a ghost.
Johnny Bonecrusher and my father fought one another during a crazy year in Texas when I was a teenager. Johnny has never been able to let go of a stylish blow...yes, from behind...from a sledgehammer, which began a back-and-forth fight over a championship akin to my Beloved’s Chaos Championship. Additionally, Johnny has never been able to get over the fact that he was regularly trolled and made to look the fool by yours truly before I turned pro. And now, in 2019, Johnny cannot let go of the fact that his career ended on a sour note and he lost the fight he picked with notorious (and allegedly spouse-killing-so-she-could-switch-teams) pothead Sativa Nevaeh.
Johnny is an accomplished wrestler. I wish to say that here, now, in front of everyone, so that they may know the truth. Lord Above, I hope Johnny screen captures the transcript of this video and blasts it all over social media for everyone to see, and perhaps even makes a print of it to put in his scrap book. Because it is the TRUTH. And as you all know by now, I abhor liars. The Light abhors falsehoods. Johnny is strong, has an extensive knowledge of suplexes and submissions, knows how to navigate a business which often demands demeaning marketing ploys or “gimmicks” from its fighters, and has a wealth of wisdom that has seen him inducted into multiple halls of fame. Hell, one of those rings shares a brother in my father’s old things!
Johnny Bonecrusher is legitimate, and while he may be a terrible person, it would be silly to take away from his skills. I recently cautioned Sloane...or perhaps it was Seb...it was hard to tell while they were playing their “Lets switch accounts!” game the other day...that referring to Johnny as the WORST person of all time was folly. After all, Rydell and Roxy are in this company, and I will take Johnny’s nonsense over THAT duo’s inauthentic, wishy-washy, inconsistent blather any day.
That does not mean I do not plan to crush him at Horizons, mind you. I DO plan on that. I am EXPECTING that. Because Johnny is NOT in this match for the RIGHT reason. Johnny is NOT in this match for the love of sport, or the desire to be the example, or the prestige of being the World Champion, or any other important reason. He’s in this match because he can’t handle that the daughter of the man who used to send him letters filled with lavender petals is on top. He’s in this match because that same woman has more power and influence just by existing than he does after several years of gathering a stable to manage. He’s in this match because, after these years, the haiku I wrote about him is STILL accurate:
Insulting braggart
Sexually confused man
Now will soon be crushed
Johnny is in this match because he cannot STAND that Sarah Selena Grey-Lacklan is the World’s Champion.
And that is why he is going to fail.
Over the last year, Johnny has been begging for this match, though most are not perceptive enough to know it. Little notes, little suggestions, little questions. Attempts to gain my attention, large and small, peppered throughout the year. On shows. Through social media. At parties. In his business dealings. And as I told many within the Coalition when I returned to the full-time roster after WrestleStock, we should be mindful for what we wish. I told the Coalition that they received what they begged for, they received me back, and I have gone on to crush everything under my boots in that time, going from strength to strength, including adding my name to yet another UGWC record list for all time. And I gave the same warning to Johnny many months ago. I general, I ignore the old man, or perhaps engage in light banter to frustrate him, but several months ago I sent him this:
Sarah is the best, Sarah Number One
You almost have my attention, Old Man. Be mindful of it.
The constant attempts to gain my notice. Aligning himself with my Step-Mumsie Aveline. Signing my Beloved wife Kenzi as her manager. Stealing her from me at Outlast and refusing to give her to me. Taking Hide’s Battleground prize instead of doing the right thing and giving me Angelica in his stead. Attacking me the past few weeks while I wrestled in the main event.
I offer my congratulations to Johnny:
He has my attention now.
Over the course of the last three years, I have been an unstoppable force of change. I have challenged the old guard, those gatekeepers of Deimos and Pierce, to leave their rest from laurels from when I was a child and adapt in the modern age. I challenged those who led this company to continue to fight, the likes of Vain, Zane, and Wylde, to continue to sharpen their blades else they find them dull. I challenged those who would think like me, the serpents like Eden and Baal, to recognize their replacements and train them while they could. I challenged the management and Consortium to open the doors wide and accept what I and my House represented or face destruction. And in that time, I have won the WrestleStock Cup and gave it a legitimacy and importance it lacked, defeated the nearly unstoppable Wylde for the Cross-Hemisphere Championship, defeated two future hall of fame members in Eden and Jet with my Beloved for the Cooperative Championships, added my name forevermore to Outlast, and become the World Heavyweight Champion.
I will not say that I have accomplished more in that time than Johnny has in his entire career, because that line of talk is, and will forever be, completely idiotic. But I will say this:
It WILL be more important than anything Johnny has done.
Or Hastings.
Or Vain.
Or Roberts.
Or Zane.
Or anyone.
I will not use this time to bore you good people watching this Best Of video with mathematics, but in my time, I have had more impact than over 95% of the roster of the Coalition’s existence. Very few people have a great ability to make their matches MATTER than me, and by the time I am done, there will be NO ONE. Because I understand something that so few others do. I understand something that Johnny certainly doesn’t understand. But I am going to tell you. I am going to give you the secret. I am going to explain, if you will allow me, WHY what I am going to do is going to be more important than anything those names I mentioned have accomplished in their long careers. But first, an apology:
I am sorry, Johnny. I am sorry that you met my father when you did. My father was full of hate. He hated what he believed he was supposed to hate. He hated those of other ethnicity, hated those of other beliefs and cultures. He hated homosexuals. He hated men who he considered weak. He hated Jews, above all. He hated MUCH of the world.
My father was wrong. He was wrong about other cultures and ethnicity. He was wrong about homosexuals, those who might be “weak” in his eyes, and those who praise other bits of worship. It may come as a shock to you...as it certainly came to Ava...that, before he died, he gave is explicit approval of my marriage. A marriage to a black woman who, while not yet a Scientologist, was certainly no Protestant and nowhere NEAR the Path. But he understood his folly by the end.
I wish you had known THAT Jean-Paul Lacklan. I wish Ava had, too.
Hell, I wish I had.
This week, I met a woman who DID know THAT man. Her name is Nori Nakama. And she holds the faith. The faith my father had before hate filled his heart. The faith that I must now bring.
The vision of the Path is for a unified champion, someone for the entire world to look to as a pillar of strength. My father interpreted that as he should travel around the world, freelancing, as it were, in order to collect championships. But he was wrong, and I understand that, now. I understand, after meeting Nori, that the Path is about BEING the ladder to Heaven for the world to look to. It is about standing resolute. It is about keeping the faith.
Which brings us to my announcement. The final “Best of” moment.
It is not me defeating you at Horizons, which will happen. It is not me breaking down your body, picking my spots and attack your joints as the length of the match wears you down. It is not about spitting a plume of mist in your face, reminding your eyes of the pain of Texas. It is not about my hand being raised, the World Championship around my waist. It is not about being YOUR World’s Champion.
It is about me being THE World’s Champion.
The World’s Champion that the Coalition has earned.
My Beloved and I still have a few responsibilities as a champion tag team ahead of us, but once those are finished, I will be renouncing my flawed “freelancer” lifestyle and becoming exclusive to the Coalition. Because after years of world champions who did not care, after years of having to deal with Zane, Vain, and Cotton, I will be the hero everyone needs. I will be the shining diamond for women like Sloane to look up to and model themselves after. I will be the Eden for little girls across the world. I will be the Path for my House, the example for my wife, my sister, my brother, and my future children.
And for those who stand against me, like old men such as Johnny Bonecrusher at Horizons, I will be judge who condemns them to pain and failure.
My name is Grey-Lacklan.
And I am the Pillar of Light.
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