Post by Lord Hastings on Dec 7, 2019 22:06:49 GMT -5
The camera fades in to reveal Grey Coppi seated on the set of his talk show.
Coppi: Welcome back to the Horizons Preview edition of Making Coppis! I am joined at this time by the five-time former UGWC World Champion, the Lord of Pain, Donovan Hastings.
Hastings: Let me begin by saying that I certainly have a new appreciation this year for the Greys of the world, but the honor of having me on the show remains yours.
Coppi: Lord Hastings, one of the most anticipated contests this coming Monday in Chicago, certainly one that would have been considered an unlikely dream match a year ago, is your match against Roxy Cotton.
Hastings: I am also anticipating this match because I have heard that sometimes you just need to slap a bitch.
Coppi: Uh, is that really what you want to go with?
Hastings: It’s not what I’ve said, I’ve heard other people say that. I would never say something like that.
Coppi: Anyway, you’ve made it clear in recent weeks that you feel you are fighting for the honor of your recent cooperative partner.
Hastings: Of course! It’s very simple. I’ve been a mentor to Kenzi throughout this year, guided her to victory after victory, from the Lord of Trios tournament to the Cooperative Championship, made sure she got opportunities like she had back at Seven Deadly Sins. Part of being a mentor is about watching out for the mentee in your care, protecting them. I failed to do that at WrestleStock, but in the months since then I’ve looked to correct that.
Coppi: It hasn’t seemed as though she agrees with you.
Hastings: Well when you’re a mentor or a parent or anything of that nature, it’s your job to act in the best interest of the person you’re caring for. It’s not your job to be their friend. Roxy Cotton is called the Peroxide Princess for a reason. She’s a poison, a poison that has taken hold within and decayed the Cool Kids. Sarah has her issues with Angie, sure. But who has been in Angie’s ear for years and influenced her decision making? Roxy Cotton. Who ripped Angie’s greatest achievement away from her? Roxy Cotton. Who is responsible for the heinous assault on Kenzi at WrestleStock? Roxy Cotton. She’s the Yoko. Never underestimate the Yoko Factor in these situations.
Coppi: So it’s your assertion that your targeting of Roxy Cotton is because you’re acting in the best interests of the #CoolKids as a unit?
Hastings: Of course! Yours truly is the original Lord of Cool and has always been the coolest kid in the room. My place on the Mount Rushmore of UGWC was solidified years ago. Now, those other three slots on the mountain could be debated, could be secured, but Roxy knows that one day it could be Sarah, Angie, and Kenzi up there alongside me, and she knows she’s going to be old and used and tossed aside. Roxy Cotton is jealous of what I and the others have accomplished, wants to put a stop to all the cool things we’ll do in the future.
Coppi: Nevertheless, it’s been nearly two years since you were a consistent singles competitor, and Roxy Cotton has been one of the hottest-
Hastings: She’s not really that hot. She’s more just lukewarm, really. I’m thinking like a 6, 6.5 in the right light.
Coppi: What I meant was that Roxy has had an extremely dominant run this year in contrast to the grim possibility that your best days may be long behind you.
Hastings: Roxy Cotton has indeed had a great year, but what you’re really contrasting is one good year against a legendary career. I’m writing the next chapter of my legacy, and everything you’ve seen this year is merely the first step of a new beginning.
Coppi: And I suppose that’s…?
Hastings: Of course it is.
In the office of the Sports Entertainment Executive, Owen and Donovan watch the footage of Donovan’s interview with Grey Coppi.
Peterson: Nice speech.
Hastings: Thank you.
Peterson: Pity it’s all bullshit.
Donovan scoffs.
Hastings: Reality is what we make of it. People will believe what we tell them to believe. They always have.
Peterson: Do you think people really believe you’re doing all this for Kenzi?
Hastings: Why not? We cultivated support for a campaign to demand that Red Fusion free Dave Rydell when they were the same person. We convinced trainees to jump ship from an established training gym while using a hobo and a rubber chicken as models. Let’s not even get started on the circumstances surrounding the genesis of our partnership.
Peterson: Yes, let’s not go there right now.
Hastings: The point is, people have gone along with whatever I’ve demanded that they go along with for as long as I’ve been doing this, and the facts and realities of the atrocities that Roxy has committed is hardly in dispute.
Peterson: You’re still upset about the Love on the Rox incident.
Hastings: I HAD TO MOTORBOAT A NIMROD’S ASS!
Peterson: I’m fairly certain nobody forced you to do it.
Hastings: Never let it be said I’m not dedicated to my craft.
Donovan stands, his eye twitching slightly, as he crosses the room and gazes out the window.
Hastings: I’ve endured a number of humiliations this year, for the sake of camaraderie and coexistence. I took a risk returning to the ring, elected to throw away a perfect ending that I knew full well when I walked away that I could never exceed. To this point, it’s fair to say I’ve wasted it.
Peterson: And I’m sure last week didn’t help.
Hastings: I had that bumbling buffoon beat and would have put him out of his misery entirely had she not stuck her stupid face where it didn’t belong and trip me up!
Peterson: I know. Listen, you’re not being fair to yourself, you’ve had a good year. You’ve been a champion.
Hastings: Kenzi was a champion. I was just along for the ride. Winning the tournament I created certainly gives me a leg up on Pierce as far as former Creative Directors reaping the spoils of their own creations, but Lord of Trios was still a team achievement. I got a lucky break on Chill, and I certainly didn’t come out of retirement for the glory of beating up Konrad Raab. My one true test all year was facing Vain, and I failed.
Owen appears to be searching for the right words, but Donovan continues.
Hastings: This has been the year of the Cool Kid, and as involved as I may have been along the way, I’m not going to stand here and claim they would have been any less successful without my involvement. Together or separate, these four have been a power and very much the face of the modern UGWC, and if I intend to reclaim my throne for real, the road goes through them. Yes, Angie led the charge and won the hearts of fans while proving herself a dominant champion, Sarah won Outlast, and Kenzi was my partner for most of the year...but this was the year of Roxy Cotton. From Global Challenge Winner to Grand Slam Champion, there was nobody as consistently dominant in big matches situations. No matter how she conducts herself outside the ring, she remains the person to beat within it. If I’m to return to prominence in this bold new era of UGWC, there is one person that needs to fall, and I’ve made sure that I face her at Horizons.
Peterson: So why the charade?
Hastings: It’s always been to our advantage for me to be perceived as being on some crazed crusade, you know that as well as I. Besides, we don’t know what the new year holds in store. I can’t make enemies of all four of them at once, the worst case scenario for all of us is for something to unify the foursome anew now that there are widening cracks. Make no mistake, Owen, I am going to be the World Champion again, and this time once the title is around my waist I don’t intend to take it back off. The road to get there goes through Roxy Cotton.
An expression of determination takes command of his face.
Hastings: It’s time the Bubblegum Bombshell gets defused for good.
It is evening in the Hastings home, as Donovan tucks his twin daughters into bed.
Scarlet: Daddy, I have a question.
Hastings: Of course you do, I’m trying to turn the light out.
Donovan sighs.
Hastings: What is your question, sweetie?
Scarlet: Katie has two blankets and I only have one.
Hastings: That isn’t a question.
Scarlet: But she has two!
Katie: Scarlet, just ask Daddy for another blanket!
Scarlet: DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO KATE!!!
Hastings: ENOUGH!
Donovan takes a deep breath and appears to silently count to three.
Hastings: Do you want another blanket?
Scarlet: Yes.
Donovan opens the closet and takes out another blanket, gently laying it over Scarlet and tucking her in.
Katie: Daddy, I have a question too.
Hastings: I know. Go ahead.
Katie: Why are you mad at Roxy?
Donovan hesitates a moment, tilting his head to the side.
Hastings: Why do you think I’m mad?
Katie: You have a match with her on Monday.
Hastings: I do, but that doesn’t mean I’m mad. Sweetie, when we have matches it’s-
Scarlet: Uncle Owen said you’re mad at Roxy because she bit your snake.
Hastings: He said WHAT?!
Katie: No, Scarlet! Uncle Owen said Roxy made Daddy get bit BY a snake!
Scarlet: I don’t think that’s what he said, Kate.
Hastings: I don’t know why we’re talking about this at all, but Daddy got bit BY a snake, and I’m okay.
Scarlet: See, Kate? Daddy got bit BY a snake, Kate!
Katie: That’s what I said!
Scarlet: No, I said it.
Katie: Oh, come on!
Katie throws both arms in the air and lets them collapse alongside her on the bed.
Hastings: But I’m okay, girls.
Katie: We know, Dad.
Scarlet: Yeah, Dad, we know.
Hastings: Right.
Donovan sits down on the floor between the two beds and thinks for a moment.
Hastings: So, the reason Daddy has to have this match is...well, it’s kind of like in your Descendants movies that you both like to watch.
Scarlet’s eyes light up.
Scarlet: It’s like Descendants?!?!
Hastings: Sure. Roxy is kind of like Audrey in the last movie.
Scarlet: She wants to steal your boyfriend?
Hastings: What? No!
Katie: So Roxy used to be good, but now there is a devil on her shoulder where the angel used to be, and now she’s the queen of mean.
Hastings: She’s definitely the queen of mean.
Katie: But she is just making a mistake and everyone will forgive her in the end because she isn’t a true villain?
Donovan stares at her for a moment.
Hastings: So, actually, Roxy is kind of like Uma in the second movie.
Scarlet: She wants to kidnap your boyfriend?
Hastings: Daddy doesn’t have a boyfriend! Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Katie: So she is your rival that is jealous of you and what you have?
Hastings: Absolutely. Very jealous.
Katie: But you’ll put your differences aside and work together in the next movie?
Hastings: Well, I doubt that.
Katie: This is kind of confusing.
Scarlet: I’m getting water.
She hops out of bed and walks out of the room. Donovan watches her for a moment, before Katie leans out of her bed and takes his hand.
Katie: It’s okay, Daddy. We love you, even when you’re mad.
Hastings: Thank you, Kay. I love you too.
Katie: You’re going to win.
Daddy and daughter smile together.
Katie: It’s inebbidible.
Coppi: Welcome back to the Horizons Preview edition of Making Coppis! I am joined at this time by the five-time former UGWC World Champion, the Lord of Pain, Donovan Hastings.
Hastings: Let me begin by saying that I certainly have a new appreciation this year for the Greys of the world, but the honor of having me on the show remains yours.
Coppi: Lord Hastings, one of the most anticipated contests this coming Monday in Chicago, certainly one that would have been considered an unlikely dream match a year ago, is your match against Roxy Cotton.
Hastings: I am also anticipating this match because I have heard that sometimes you just need to slap a bitch.
Coppi: Uh, is that really what you want to go with?
Hastings: It’s not what I’ve said, I’ve heard other people say that. I would never say something like that.
Coppi: Anyway, you’ve made it clear in recent weeks that you feel you are fighting for the honor of your recent cooperative partner.
Hastings: Of course! It’s very simple. I’ve been a mentor to Kenzi throughout this year, guided her to victory after victory, from the Lord of Trios tournament to the Cooperative Championship, made sure she got opportunities like she had back at Seven Deadly Sins. Part of being a mentor is about watching out for the mentee in your care, protecting them. I failed to do that at WrestleStock, but in the months since then I’ve looked to correct that.
Coppi: It hasn’t seemed as though she agrees with you.
Hastings: Well when you’re a mentor or a parent or anything of that nature, it’s your job to act in the best interest of the person you’re caring for. It’s not your job to be their friend. Roxy Cotton is called the Peroxide Princess for a reason. She’s a poison, a poison that has taken hold within and decayed the Cool Kids. Sarah has her issues with Angie, sure. But who has been in Angie’s ear for years and influenced her decision making? Roxy Cotton. Who ripped Angie’s greatest achievement away from her? Roxy Cotton. Who is responsible for the heinous assault on Kenzi at WrestleStock? Roxy Cotton. She’s the Yoko. Never underestimate the Yoko Factor in these situations.
Coppi: So it’s your assertion that your targeting of Roxy Cotton is because you’re acting in the best interests of the #CoolKids as a unit?
Hastings: Of course! Yours truly is the original Lord of Cool and has always been the coolest kid in the room. My place on the Mount Rushmore of UGWC was solidified years ago. Now, those other three slots on the mountain could be debated, could be secured, but Roxy knows that one day it could be Sarah, Angie, and Kenzi up there alongside me, and she knows she’s going to be old and used and tossed aside. Roxy Cotton is jealous of what I and the others have accomplished, wants to put a stop to all the cool things we’ll do in the future.
Coppi: Nevertheless, it’s been nearly two years since you were a consistent singles competitor, and Roxy Cotton has been one of the hottest-
Hastings: She’s not really that hot. She’s more just lukewarm, really. I’m thinking like a 6, 6.5 in the right light.
Coppi: What I meant was that Roxy has had an extremely dominant run this year in contrast to the grim possibility that your best days may be long behind you.
Hastings: Roxy Cotton has indeed had a great year, but what you’re really contrasting is one good year against a legendary career. I’m writing the next chapter of my legacy, and everything you’ve seen this year is merely the first step of a new beginning.
Coppi: And I suppose that’s…?
Hastings: Of course it is.
In the office of the Sports Entertainment Executive, Owen and Donovan watch the footage of Donovan’s interview with Grey Coppi.
Peterson: Nice speech.
Hastings: Thank you.
Peterson: Pity it’s all bullshit.
Donovan scoffs.
Hastings: Reality is what we make of it. People will believe what we tell them to believe. They always have.
Peterson: Do you think people really believe you’re doing all this for Kenzi?
Hastings: Why not? We cultivated support for a campaign to demand that Red Fusion free Dave Rydell when they were the same person. We convinced trainees to jump ship from an established training gym while using a hobo and a rubber chicken as models. Let’s not even get started on the circumstances surrounding the genesis of our partnership.
Peterson: Yes, let’s not go there right now.
Hastings: The point is, people have gone along with whatever I’ve demanded that they go along with for as long as I’ve been doing this, and the facts and realities of the atrocities that Roxy has committed is hardly in dispute.
Peterson: You’re still upset about the Love on the Rox incident.
Hastings: I HAD TO MOTORBOAT A NIMROD’S ASS!
Peterson: I’m fairly certain nobody forced you to do it.
Hastings: Never let it be said I’m not dedicated to my craft.
Donovan stands, his eye twitching slightly, as he crosses the room and gazes out the window.
Hastings: I’ve endured a number of humiliations this year, for the sake of camaraderie and coexistence. I took a risk returning to the ring, elected to throw away a perfect ending that I knew full well when I walked away that I could never exceed. To this point, it’s fair to say I’ve wasted it.
Peterson: And I’m sure last week didn’t help.
Hastings: I had that bumbling buffoon beat and would have put him out of his misery entirely had she not stuck her stupid face where it didn’t belong and trip me up!
Peterson: I know. Listen, you’re not being fair to yourself, you’ve had a good year. You’ve been a champion.
Hastings: Kenzi was a champion. I was just along for the ride. Winning the tournament I created certainly gives me a leg up on Pierce as far as former Creative Directors reaping the spoils of their own creations, but Lord of Trios was still a team achievement. I got a lucky break on Chill, and I certainly didn’t come out of retirement for the glory of beating up Konrad Raab. My one true test all year was facing Vain, and I failed.
Owen appears to be searching for the right words, but Donovan continues.
Hastings: This has been the year of the Cool Kid, and as involved as I may have been along the way, I’m not going to stand here and claim they would have been any less successful without my involvement. Together or separate, these four have been a power and very much the face of the modern UGWC, and if I intend to reclaim my throne for real, the road goes through them. Yes, Angie led the charge and won the hearts of fans while proving herself a dominant champion, Sarah won Outlast, and Kenzi was my partner for most of the year...but this was the year of Roxy Cotton. From Global Challenge Winner to Grand Slam Champion, there was nobody as consistently dominant in big matches situations. No matter how she conducts herself outside the ring, she remains the person to beat within it. If I’m to return to prominence in this bold new era of UGWC, there is one person that needs to fall, and I’ve made sure that I face her at Horizons.
Peterson: So why the charade?
Hastings: It’s always been to our advantage for me to be perceived as being on some crazed crusade, you know that as well as I. Besides, we don’t know what the new year holds in store. I can’t make enemies of all four of them at once, the worst case scenario for all of us is for something to unify the foursome anew now that there are widening cracks. Make no mistake, Owen, I am going to be the World Champion again, and this time once the title is around my waist I don’t intend to take it back off. The road to get there goes through Roxy Cotton.
An expression of determination takes command of his face.
Hastings: It’s time the Bubblegum Bombshell gets defused for good.
It is evening in the Hastings home, as Donovan tucks his twin daughters into bed.
Scarlet: Daddy, I have a question.
Hastings: Of course you do, I’m trying to turn the light out.
Donovan sighs.
Hastings: What is your question, sweetie?
Scarlet: Katie has two blankets and I only have one.
Hastings: That isn’t a question.
Scarlet: But she has two!
Katie: Scarlet, just ask Daddy for another blanket!
Scarlet: DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO KATE!!!
Hastings: ENOUGH!
Donovan takes a deep breath and appears to silently count to three.
Hastings: Do you want another blanket?
Scarlet: Yes.
Donovan opens the closet and takes out another blanket, gently laying it over Scarlet and tucking her in.
Katie: Daddy, I have a question too.
Hastings: I know. Go ahead.
Katie: Why are you mad at Roxy?
Donovan hesitates a moment, tilting his head to the side.
Hastings: Why do you think I’m mad?
Katie: You have a match with her on Monday.
Hastings: I do, but that doesn’t mean I’m mad. Sweetie, when we have matches it’s-
Scarlet: Uncle Owen said you’re mad at Roxy because she bit your snake.
Hastings: He said WHAT?!
Katie: No, Scarlet! Uncle Owen said Roxy made Daddy get bit BY a snake!
Scarlet: I don’t think that’s what he said, Kate.
Hastings: I don’t know why we’re talking about this at all, but Daddy got bit BY a snake, and I’m okay.
Scarlet: See, Kate? Daddy got bit BY a snake, Kate!
Katie: That’s what I said!
Scarlet: No, I said it.
Katie: Oh, come on!
Katie throws both arms in the air and lets them collapse alongside her on the bed.
Hastings: But I’m okay, girls.
Katie: We know, Dad.
Scarlet: Yeah, Dad, we know.
Hastings: Right.
Donovan sits down on the floor between the two beds and thinks for a moment.
Hastings: So, the reason Daddy has to have this match is...well, it’s kind of like in your Descendants movies that you both like to watch.
Scarlet’s eyes light up.
Scarlet: It’s like Descendants?!?!
Hastings: Sure. Roxy is kind of like Audrey in the last movie.
Scarlet: She wants to steal your boyfriend?
Hastings: What? No!
Katie: So Roxy used to be good, but now there is a devil on her shoulder where the angel used to be, and now she’s the queen of mean.
Hastings: She’s definitely the queen of mean.
Katie: But she is just making a mistake and everyone will forgive her in the end because she isn’t a true villain?
Donovan stares at her for a moment.
Hastings: So, actually, Roxy is kind of like Uma in the second movie.
Scarlet: She wants to kidnap your boyfriend?
Hastings: Daddy doesn’t have a boyfriend! Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Katie: So she is your rival that is jealous of you and what you have?
Hastings: Absolutely. Very jealous.
Katie: But you’ll put your differences aside and work together in the next movie?
Hastings: Well, I doubt that.
Katie: This is kind of confusing.
Scarlet: I’m getting water.
She hops out of bed and walks out of the room. Donovan watches her for a moment, before Katie leans out of her bed and takes his hand.
Katie: It’s okay, Daddy. We love you, even when you’re mad.
Hastings: Thank you, Kay. I love you too.
Katie: You’re going to win.
Daddy and daughter smile together.
Katie: It’s inebbidible.
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