Post by cooltubesource on Mar 6, 2020 1:37:06 GMT -5
Dearest Auntie
Okay okay okay, I KNOW that I promised to write more often but I have been SO FREAKIN’ BUSY! Like, OMG, you have NO IDEA 🤯! Well, you probably DO have an idea, since you’re likely sitting on your cloud and waving a “I Stand with Sarah” flag and are screaming “OMG GO MY FAVORITE NIECE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH 🥰” every time I wrestle, but STILL, ya know?! I have been running around like CRAXY (don’t tell Angie I wrote that; I’m not ready to stop being mad at her) and have been too busy to put pen to paper! So, let me catch up a bit, okay?
Lets see...last time I wrote, I had just won the UGWC World Championship at Outlast, right? THAT is a night I’ll never forget, let me tell you! Now, SINCE thing, I have successfully defended the title against Roxy (you remember her), Johnny Bonecrusher (this dude who wishes he could be my dad), and Dave Rydell (yes, THAT GUY got a world title shot!). Along the way, Kenzi and I got into a MASSIVE argument (don’t worry, we’re better; I remembered what you told me and just showed her my boobs as much as possible! 😉), I tried to break into Angie’s skull with my boot (that’s why Kenzi and I got into a fight...long story…), made UP with Angie (also don’t tell her that I’m writing Angie instead of Angelica, okay? NOT READY for us to be “us” again, so shhhhhh 🤫), made fun of a LOT of people, beat up even more (fucked Dave and Raab UUUUUP!), met Daddy’s very first wife (I have a brother!), literally broke the game with some song parodies 🎹🎤 (and time travel!), made a GREAT friend (you would LOATHE her, though; she has the SHITTIEST take on the importance of shoes!!👠👡👢🥿) and planted my own branch of my church!
Let me draw some little tired faces to show you how tired I am:
😩😩😩😩😩
Still lots more to do, though!
Kenzi’s doing fantastic, by the way. She had a pretty killer injury to her knee (because the workaholic bitch can’t take a freakin’ DAY OFF), but she’s gotten that fixed. God blessed her with the power of 😍BABIES😍 and now her knee is perfect! It’s also got some metal pins in there, and she’s adopted a running knee strike or two which are so popular in my family, and no one has been able to figure out exactly why people get knocked-the-fuck-OUT when she connects with their head. So SHHHHHH about her bionic knee, okay 🦵🏾? Just keep that between you and the rest of the angels!
Our relationship is as perfect as always, of course 👩🏾🤝👩🏼. Yeah, we had a rough patch, as I mentioned before, but our spirited discourse always leads to a stronger bond! We’re still talking about the possibility of me having a baby in a few years once we’re done with our active careers...well, I talk about it and she sticks her fingers in her ears and goes “LALALALA CAN’T HEAR YOU” but you know what I mean. We’ve added to the Egg, which now has a swimming pool (for me, because I was on the swim team! 🏊🏻♀️) and a half-court basketball court (for Kenzi, because she’s black and therefore of COURSE played basketball in High School ⛹🏾♀️), and more stuffs. We’re looking into buying a condo or townhouse or whatever in Chicago, too. I’ve become exclusive to the Coalition (they have earned it!), and so the G-Ls spend almost as much time THERE as we do in Hollywood. A lot of time in New York for various shoots, too, but that shit is EXPENSIVE! Hard pass!
Oh! OH! And, for Kenzi’s birthday this year, I’m trying to track down our yacht from a couple of years ago. Remember the Red Queen 🚢? Kenzi recently had a major sadface while thinking about it and I’m totes bound and determined to get it back for her before she hits 23 in July. I heard something about it being used to hunt pirates, or something, so it might be pretty tough to get it back. But my Beloved’s happiness is worth ANY hardship! But keep it a secret, okay! Yaaarrrr!!!
Lets see...what else is new...hmmm….
Oh! So! We’re coming up to this big ol’ anniversary show! It’s the 10th (TENTH!!!) anniversary for the Coalition and there’s a bunch of fun stuff planned and old peeps coming back. I like to give them shit, obvs, but I’m secretly super stoked to have them back. You know how I am! Mrs. Historian, and all 👩🏼🏫. Mind you, I get SUPER FUCKING PISSED when they show up and shit the bed and thus RUIN my ideal version of them (See: Kem), but I give them the benefit of the doubt and really do hope that they find who they used to be.
N-E-Ways, a big part of that celebration was what I call the Globalist of Global Challenges, as MOST of the combatants this year were previous winners! I think the Consortium tried to have all eight be champs, but Vidas fell into the Abyss at some point, so they replaced him with my baby sister.
Oh! SNAP! You might not know!
ANGIE IS MY SISTER 😮😮😮
Well, half-sister, anyway. Her goddamn WHORE of a mother isn’t MY amazingly perfect mom.
Angie and I had a rough patch after I found out (looooong story totes NOT worth repeating right this sec!), but we’re all coolio now. Well, until the anniversary show, anyway. Because I’ll be kicking her GODDAMN HEAD IN SO FUCKING HELP ME
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Okay, I’m back. Had to take a quick break there. See, Angie won the Globalist of Global Challenges (beat Vain clean for a THIRD TIME!) and she gets the title shot, no matter WHO is champion, and this anniversary event, Coalescence. Now, the world has absolutely EARNED the right to see the FIRST EVER Sarah Lacklan vs. Angie Vaughn singles match, okay 🤼🏼♀️? I mean, even WITHOUT all of the extenuating circumstances and extra bonuses, that’s a badass match! But NOW its SISTER VS SISTER. Now its ME, the ELDER (minus our big bro Shin, anyway, but that doesn’t fit my narrative right this sec!) against the BABY SISTER who was STOLEN FROM HER by this FUCKING WHORE SERVANT GIRL named Mary. But! Oh….BUT! In order for ME to get there, in order for ME to be the World Champion at Coalescence, I need to retain my title a fourth time.
At In Your Hands. 🤲🏻
Yes, Eden, I KNOW! I KNOW that I LOST my one AND ONLY In Your Hands match. Yes, Eden, I KNOW! Literally the ONLY TIME I have been at this event, the ONLY TIME I have been in a match where MUCH of the outcome was in the HANDS of the dirty, smelly, IGNORANT AS FUCK CROWD, was when I fought Lucy for the Cross-Hemisphere Championship.
I KNOW
I KNOW I LOST
I KNOW, EDEN
...really, its kinda rude for you to KEEP REMINDING me and making me DWELL ON THAT NIGHT for the last two and a half years…. 😒😒😒
But this is different, Auntie. Then? I just wanted what Lucy had. I eventually got it, as we all know. My first Battleground. Well, not the Battleground match, anyway, because FUCK THAT SHIT! THAT match can take the Black Diamond up the butt with no lube! No, my match AT Battleground saw me take what Lucy had. But In Your Hands has still haunted me, made me want to take that win back, not from Lucy, but from the people. The PEOPLE robbed me of that match by putting me in that STUPID chain match. And this time, for the LOVE OF GOD, my future is in MY perfectly-manicured hands. 💅🏻
Listen, MUCH of what is going to happen over the next few weeks is because of what God wants out of the world (literally about to do a sermon about this point!), but it would be a lie (and I don’t make Baby Jesus cry!) if it wasn’t also personal. MUCH of what I do is about putting a plan into play, setting goals, and seeing it through, and In Your Hands is a wonderful example. Much like how I put a plan in place to WIN Outlast this year (and NOT be on the losing to team to Lucy for the THIRD FUCKING YEAR IN A ROW 😡) AND how I set the stage for my first defense against Roxy AND how I made sure I was THE most prepared person at Horizons for my second defense AND I built an entire CYCLE around setting up Dave to pay for his sins against my baby sister (Mark of Cain, bitch!), I have been FORCING my fate OUT of the hands of the crowd. THIS match, THIS story, THIS BUSINESS, is NOT for the mouth-breathers to decide the outcome of. No...no no...this match, this fight, is for ME and ME ALONE to win.
I WILL face my baby sister at Coalescence.
I WILL give the WORLD the fight they have EARNED.
But wholly CRAP do I have my work cut out for me at In Your Hands! 😳
NGL, I really wish I had your advice for this match. See, the mouth-breathers get to choose who fights me for my fourth defense, and the field is tricky. Coalescence, at its core, is supposed to be about celebrating both the new and old, but I swear to God, I will do EVERYTHING within my power to make sure that its REALLY about the very FUTURE of the business, the FUTURE of the way God DEMANDS it to be, and that means me getting past this challenge. And all three of the people? The options that the mouth-breathers, by hook or crook, have to choose from?
All mean something to you.
One of the options, for some shitty-as-flame reason, is Jet. Woah! Hey now, stop yelling at me! Listen, its not MY fault that Jet has TARNISHED his legacy over the last couple of years! Its not MY fault that Jet has been SO FUCKING SHITTY in his last several matches that the in-fucking-SANE series of matches you two have are a memory so far gone that they might as well have been stored within Alexandria’s library! Okay okay okay, so I might have had SOME responsibility there. After all, it WAS me who CORRECTLY predicted in that LONG AGO letter I wrote to you that he would NOT be there for you when we fought over the Cooperative Championships in 2018. And, yes it WAS me that stomped him into the fucking GROUND in our only singles match to date, that super-important CH title contendership on Synergy later that year to cap off a run of embarrassing losses for the future Hall of Fame ringbearer. And, yes, it WAS me and my excellently-constructed team who TROUNCED his at last year’s Outlast and make him look especially dumb as he got eliminated in the qualifying round for the FIFTH year in a row. Yes, it WAS me who did those things.
But it’s more than that, Eden! EVERY time he walks into MY ring for the last two years, he has tripped and fallen on his face after spending 20 minutes trying to convince us that victories from six years ago were all that mattered. For instance, he was DUMB ENOUGH to let T-Pie convince him to challenge for the Cooperative Championships while my baby sister held them, right? Jet was CONVINCED that the Piercing Weapons, who hadn’t been champions in FUCKING YEARS, could just waltz into MY company in MY business and defeat MY baby sister. There was, quite literally, not a single ounce of shock within me when they walked away with a giant L on their record. The only way THAT guy can get a win NOW is either against throwaway teams like Raab and NBK (that was literally a PPV match, Auntie! HOLY FUCK!) or while being dragged by the ears by a member of my House.
I wish I could say that THIS Jet was the Jet YOU fought and nearly murdered, but that is not the case. THIS Jet is a washed-up has-been who is so desperate for a pleasant send-off that he’s willing to face spider in her web.
If the mouth-breathers choose him, I will try to bury him softly for you, Auntie.
I cannot say the same for Donovan Hastings.
Yep, THAT Donovan! Hey, don’t ask ME why he’s in the match! I thought he retired, too! But, no, he’s found himself wrestling off-and-on since that retirement match (which was another big loss for the “legend” that is Jet!), and that includes this really weird duo with my Beloved. I wrote you before about how the douche-canoe (and he IS a douche-canoe, no matter WHAT Roxy says...her crush on him clouds her judgement…) was able to sneak a win over me, and then he used THAT position to “somehow” become Kenzi’s partner. And then he “somehow” was able to become, like, the third or fourth-longest reigning Cooperative champ with her.
Yeah, I don’t understand how he’s able to pull off that shit, either.
But he does! Like, remember when he was Creative Director and wearing all of those dumb hats? And how he kept cheating (cheating, I say!) with the wheel spins during that craxy-as-flame match you had at your last WrestleStock against Vain? And how he somehow convinced everyone that he was basically just a cardboard cutout? Well, his trickery is STILL paying dividends for him. He “somehow” got Zane kicked out of the company and then “somehow” got him reinstated in order to fight his NEWEST EPIC FEUD (I’ll get to him), though I kinda lost track on HOW all of that happened (sers legit, all of our eyes kinda glaze over when Consortium members get into 10-year-old arguments we're supposed to care about). And now, he’s “somehow” found himself as an option for the mouth-breathers, as he was elected by current Creative Director (for another week) Lady Levene, but his innocent face at that announcement does NOT fool me AT ALL.
I am wary of him, though, in case that’s not coming through all of my suspicion over how he got himself into this position. He’s all “Inevitable” this and “most World Title reigns” that and doing his usual routine of “craxy like a fox,” but I’m keeping my glasses cleaned for him. Literally everyone knows that Kenzi was the reason why their cooperative team did so well, but people who pay attention (like me!) understand that even my Beloved needs a dance partner, and Donovan is VERY good at making sure he is in the right place at the right time. AND he’s also surprised some people by winning matches against members of the youth movement (I don’t count Rox in that, though, she OLD!).
Oh! Hey! Mind if I shoot you two super-duper fun AND relevant stats real quick! Yes, they’re obscure, but that’s part of the fun! Check THESE babies out:
1) My three potential opponents (I’ll get to #3 in a sec!) have combined for 10 (TEN!) World Title reigns. Like, dude, of the 38 UGWC World Champions, these THREE make up a full QUARTER of them! But in those 10 reigns, they have only DEFENDED the title 7 (SEVEN!) times!
Wait, what?!
Are YOU telling me (or me telling you) that, outside of one really good run by Donovan six GODDAMN YEARS AGO, that these three people are SHITTY FUCKING WORLD CHAMPIONS? But...but...that CAN’T be true, right? That, outside of that one really good run by Donovan six GODDAMN YEARS AGO, I have defended the title more than they have COMBINED?!
Bet they won’t mention THAT stat when they talk about how much better they are than me. And…
2) Across the life of In Your Hands, there have been 22 “Fans Pick the Opponent” matches. Of those 22, 5 of them have been for the world title. And of those 5, only ONCE has the fan-pick taken the title from the champ. Or to rephrase, only ONCE has the World Champion LOST to the fan-picked challenger.
When Donovan Hastings lost to Fear.
There will be plenty of people who say that I am outclassed in this match. That the years and years of experience every opponent of mine has over my own will be my undoing. But when you think of those years, of years and years of not being able to defend the World Championship and of Donovan being the SINGLE OUTLIER in the mouth-breathers choosing a loser, the weight of those years is less and less on my shoulders.
Oh! Hey! My shoulder tats look SWEET these days! I have added a LOT of shading to daddy’s old mask (the white one, not the black one) so its basically 3D, and I put my church’s symbol on my left shoulder after I won the title. I’ve added some shading and color to it whenever we’ve been off after a PPV (the red-gold in the sunburst is KILLER). I’ve been thinking of putting something around the scar on my hip from my surgery after the accident, something to make it seem pretty and NOT be a reminder of the worst day of my life (I literally made a Top 5 for worst days...I’ll send it to you!), but Kenzi gets a little grrrrr about that idea. Bitch is COVERED in tattoos but gets real selective about what’s a good or bad idea for me. Oh! Got my navel pierced, too! Kenzi bought me this sexy-as-FUCK dangly diamond spider thing that kinda matches the net I wear in my hair!
Did you have piercings? Or any hidden tattoos? Its weird knowing that, for all of our talks over coffee about shoes and dresses, that kind of thing is unknown to me. You didn’t share a whole lot, really. Makes me sad. Like, your relationship with Baal, for instance. Were you partners? Friends? Lovers? Was he your Kenzi? Or was he your Maggie?
What was he?
I’m not worried about Jet. Donovan would be interesting, for a variety of reasons (I still owe him an asskicking over basically calling me a slave owner). But Baal?
I do not fear Baal.
But I sure-as-fuck respect him.
He and I axly have a limited amount of experiences together. Yeah, our camps fought a decent amount, but he and I with fisticuffs? Not really. We have always been more about me making up dumb things like him stealing my eyeliner or whatever. Instead, the majority of our interactions have been of the cold war variety, of voyeurism, though not in the creepy Fear way. I told him...Good Lord, getting close to three years ago...that I saw him, and I meant it. I see the calculation in his eyes. I see the desire to cause pain, though perhaps more for the pleasure an analysis more than anything else. I see the justification for terrible acts in the name of the greater good, though “good” is certainly subjective where he’s concerned. Was it “good” that he facilitated the kidnapping of Lucy Wylde like he’s doing some perverse cosplay of Heroes where’s he Knox delivering Monroe to Daddy Petrelli? Was it “good” that he routinely assaulted people behind the scenes, even WITH cameras all around? Was it “good” that he literally put people to sleep with a paralysis needle (which cost YOU the Cooperative titles to me!)? Was it “good” that he helped bring the downfall of Necron? Was ANY of what he has EVER done “good” in ANY way?
Morality aside, the man is certainly smart. He understands the importance of analysis, of using what HAS happened to help predict what WILL happen, and perhaps even influence it. He knows how to pull strings to put people in place so that preferred events can come to pass. Unfortunately for him, he’s a little TOO smart. He firmly believes that he’s the smartest man in the room at all times, regardless of whether or not he would outright say so, and that means he never truly sees his defeat coming. I know what it is to have your life become too complicated, to have what is going on become so convoluted that you cannot distinguish dreams from reality or family from coworkers, and the pitfalls which occur. I have my friend (the one you wouldn’t like) advice about keeping our weird lives away from our weird business so that things don’t get double weird (or exponentially more? I don’t know...outside of statistics, most math is beyond me…), because I personally learned the importance of keeping it all separate. But Baal hasn’t learned that lesson, I don’t think. I don’t think he CAN learn it. I think that, again with that whole “smartest man alive” thing, he believes he can out-think ANY situation, no matter how dangerous to himself or those around him. I think that’s why he trips over his own feet so much.
And that IS what happens to him, Auntie. Outside of one KILLER year in the Coalition (the dude DOMINATED), he often finds himself blinking in utter confusion as other people’s music is playing after a match. Much like how the Year of Fear was so long ago, the Year of Baal is ancient history, and in its place we have found a growing Decade of Coin Flips. This issue of his, this tendency, is perfectly encapsulated in his maneuvering as the Chimera, as the mystery Creative Director who pulled strings and positioned himself to shock the world with his return for the Globalist of Global Champions, and fell on his face in the opening round.
The man is so focused on making sure that his collar is popped just right that he forgets to tie his shoes.
Welp, THIS thing ended up WAY longer than I anticipated! My hand is CRAMPING like craxy! I promise to write more often...so that these letters can be way shorter!
Miss you
Your obedient,
S.S.G-L
Sarah Selena Grey-Lacklan groans as she leans against her chair. She shakes out her right hand, trying to unlatch the stiff joints from the feather pen clutched within, and looks down at the paper in front of her. Or small novel, rather.
“...fifteen hundred words max my squat booty…”
Sarah shakes her head and sighs. She turns her face to her left where Lael, the baby Goliath Birdeater spider, still only a third of its eventual size, happily chews from a tiny bowl of dead flies.
“One of these days, Lael, my wife will NOT be right about how over-budget my word count ends up bei-.”
“Tu ne devrais pas te laisser aller comme ça, ma fille. Pensez à votre posture !”
Sarah’s eyes go wide behind her glasses as she turns in her chair toward the sudden voice.
“Mother?!”
Dressed in a black robe with green trim, but with no sleeves to hide the pale white arms covered in lines of scars, Aveline Lacklan gives a nod from within the head scarf covering her head. Sarah’s surprise is met by an excited chitter from Baby Lael, who immediately leaps down from the table and skitters over toward le Champion de Chaos and climbs her leg until she perches on her shoulder.
“Qui. Je-”
Bordy exclaims as Sarah bounds out of her chair and pulls her into a tight embrace.
“What are you doing here?! And, Good LORD, you feel even THINNER than the last time I saw you! For Sweet Baby Jesus’ sake, eat a dang SAMMICH, already!”
Sarah squeezes her hard and then pushes her to arm’s length before lookup up slightly into the Mad Frenchwoman’s emerald eyes.
“Why are you here?!”
Bordy blinks several times at the onslaught but eventually gives a small smile, her skeletal face seeming even more rictus by the effort.
“What kind of steward of our House and Church would I be if I missed my daughter’s first sermon?”
Sarah gives a wide smile, nearly all of her Billion $$$s, but then shakes her head.
“Mother, I sent you my sermon ahead of time so that you wouldn’t HAVE to come. That’s a six hour flight!”
Bordy gives a slight shrug of her shoulders.
“I wish to see with my own eyes, Child”
A ting of malice flashes across her eyes.
“Especially considering some of the...particulars...of your doctrine.”
Sarah’s smile turns down into a strong set of her jaw, and her eyes flare with heat equal to match that of her step-mother.
“The doctrine NEEDS those particulars, Mother.”
Bordy shakes her head.
“Non! This...this…Réformation...is unnecessary!”
“Oh, please. It isn’t JUST necessary, its MANDATORY! The Church of the Light NEEDS Reformation, Mother!”
“Pour vous expliquer le plus brièvement possible !”
Sarah lets out a slow sigh of exasperation.
“...we HAVE been through this…”
She stands straighter, yearning for every inch of height.
“I believe in God-”
...Bordy smiles...
“-AND His belief that we are the future of the world-”
...Bordy smiles widely…
“-AND I’m a lesbian-”
...Bordy’s left eye twitches…
“-AND my wife is black.”
...Bordy’s entire head jerks at the neck…
“See!”
Sarah points her finger in Bordy’s face, her growing smile reaching the full Billion $$$ and ringing with victory.
“THAT is why we need Reformation! You and Daddy were WRONG when I was a teen, and I WILL show you the Light! And-”
“Sar! You ready? I-”
Sarah and Bordy both turn at the voice, and Ashley Allen freezes in her tracks.
“Queen Mother! I didn’t know you were here!”
Bordy gives the buxom brunette a small nod of her head, and Ashley’s face lights up. Sarah’s eyes narrow as she looks at her oldest friend and a small flicker on concern ticks in the back of her mind. Ashley was wearing a high-necked sweater...something she had started to wear several months ago because it felt “right”...which featured sleeves which had tiny slashes of green up and down the arms. Slashes which looked remarkably similar to Bordy’s famous scars. But any curiosity Sarah might have is dashed away as Ashley turns towards her and waves the clipboard in her hands.
“It’s time, Boss! You ready?”
Sarah takes a deep breath, her body feeling momentarily stifled in her own heavy dress, this one black with red pleats and covered with tiny bows, and releases it. She gives a small nod and Ashley hurries away.
“Come on, Mother! The first of many!”
Within seconds, Sarah had placed her net of diamonds atop her head and around her updo, with most of her platinum hair swirled into a complicated braid which Kenzi had worked on for a full hour in the morning, placing it just right so that the large ruby could settle on her forehead. Bordy was right behind Sarah as her stiletto heels clicked across the tile, though Sarah noticed that the woman was moving far slower than a 30-year-old should.
...30 going on 70…
She kept her grumble quiet as they moved out of her office and towards the main room of the church. Everyone knew that Bordy was the very definition of an “old soul,” someone with a mentality far older than her body, which likely was a large part toward her marriage to Sarah’s late father, an age difference of some 15 years. But ever since Bordy’s loss at WrestleStock to Angie, she had seemed to wither away into nothing, with her body catching up with her spirit.
Sarah stops in her tracks as they walk through the door of the hallway and to the grand room. Early reports were that next to no one was going to come to this first sermon...the church had only been “open” for a few days and they had not exactly advertised its existance yet...but the room was FULL of people, with every seat in the pews being filled. A quick glance saw that most of the people were the pale-faced and dark-haired men and women of her hometown in Maine, where the Path of the Light Compound stood, and she understood. Bordy had not come alone.
...thank you, Mother…
As Bordy elects to sit at the back of the room, oddly next to a tall plant-
...it would later occur to Sarah that this is likely where Phrixus Deimos was hiding and observing, because she didn’t see him but KNEW he was there…
-, Sarah notices that many of her fellow Lacklanlanders were dressed similarly to Ashley: Long-sleeved shirts with various amounts of slashes of green. None had as many slashes as her occasional personal assistant, and some had only a few, but there was certainly something to them which again tickled something in the back of Sarah’s head. A concern. A worry.
Now was not the time to ponder, though. As she stands before her podium, how she got there from the back a blur in her mind, her odd red eyes take in the crowd with excitement. Her sister was there, of course, already with a notebook out to take detailed notes. Kenzi was there, with her brown eyes wide and a slight sheen of sweat on her face making her glow. The world would never know what Sarah had given Kenzi to make sure she was fully awake and aware for this first sermon-
...no sleeping during church THIS time, bitch…
-but the two of them would never forget. Her brother Shinjiro stood in the back of the room, his arms folded before his chest as per usual, seeming an unclimbable mountain. Several children were also there, the beginnings of what she hoped would be a regular group. Others, some she recognized from nearby neighborhoods in Hollywood, others she had never seen before and who were likely just there to check out the new thing.
“Welcome to the Path of the Light Church...West Hollywood.”
Sarah’s voice is strong as it fills the room. Public speaking was one of the thing she was born for, of course, and any nerves she might have inside were nowhere near the surface. In front of her on the dais sat a handful of small rectangular cards, the notes for her sermon, with small bullet points about what she was going to do.
- Welcome them!
[li]Direct them to the slideshow presentation![/li]
[li]Point out the three slides of references![/li]
[li]Song number 2! “I will do anything to win...but I won’t do that!”[/li]
[li]Break for a game of football...don’t let Kenzi be the QB…[/li][/ul]
There were thirty cards on her podium. The sermon was perfect. It was inspiring, rousing, full of Bible quotes with contextual supplemental passages, and left room for six potty breaks for the 4-hour presentation. But as she looked at the crowd before her, she knew that only one thing really, truly matter.
“Wrestlers are better than people.”
She picks up the nearly three dozen cards and then tosses them to the floor.
“I fully understand that people tend to clutch their pearls when I say that, and I dare assume that there are STILL weak-willed and minded people who are clutching them from when I said it a few weeks ago. But this, my dear friends, is THE truth. THE thing you need to know. All of this…”
She motions towards the fallen cards and then upward to the large screen behind her, to what would have been the extensive slideshow presentation to go along with her words.
“...is all extra. It is further and deeper understanding of the truth. But, should we not understand even the basic lesson, then all is for naught. So, again, allow me to say: Wrestlers are BETTER than people.”
She pauses for a moment and allows her gaze to move over the sea of faces. She takes note of the approval on Bordy’s face, the calm stoicism of her brother, a hungry light in her sister’s, and that wide-eyed alertness of her spouse. She quickly banishes THAT sight so that the thoughts of the crowd cannot dip into improprieties.
“All throughout scripture, the heroes and paragons of God’s word are warriors. They are taller, stronger, more devout. They lead entire civilizations in both the Art of Warfare AND the prose of societal expectation. And while there have certainly been figures who fell from God’s grace through their lack of faith, His faith is still in us. Just as I never worry about someone telling me that they ‘hate’ God, because I know that God loves them, I do not worry about where the world is going. Not when he has my House.”
Sarah subtly raises her right hand in the air and issues a set of complicated gestures with her fingers. Off to the side, she sees Ashley blink in surprise at the unplanned communication, but she quickly slips away at the prompt.
“God came to my father and showed him a world which prayed at his feet. A world which understood their role. A world which believed, to a person, that worship through the new warriors, through the new Daniels of today, was the path to God. And the world would be saved through these warriors, the champions. It was my father’s job to become THE champion of the world. Universal. Global. Unified. The names change depending on where you go, but the sentiment is the same. A world champion worth the praise of the world will SAVE the world.”
Sarah’s voice fades as Ashley returns with an athletic bag slung across her shoulder. She sets it at Sarah’s feet before slipping away, and Sarah fights back the smirk that wants to come to her lips when she sees, perhaps even feels, Angie’s fingers shake at the sight of three special letters sewn into the bag. Sarah unzips the one-of-a-kind YSL athletic bag, dips her hands inside, and pulls out the UGWC World Heavyweight Championship. She holds it up high so that all can see.
“I am that champion.”
After a moment of letting the gold glitter in the light, she sets it down on her shoulder, the faceplate large enough to take up much of her chest.
“My very first promotional video over three years ago laid the truth out plainly with these words: I am the Firestarter. When I entered into the world’s truly premier league, the UGWC, I told Eden Morgan and Jet Somers that they, in the end, would lack the stamina to fight the Firestarter, and that I would take from them what belonged to me.”
She takes a moment to look down at the title.
“I have earned every accolade I possess. There will be those who cry out into the Abyss that I cheat, or I disrespect, or that I am unworthy. But those fools, those Rydells of the world, if I may correctly quote Le Bord de Dieu, only scream at that void because they are too ashamed to face the reality of who and what I am.”
Sarah looks back up at her audience.
“I am the Pillar of Light. I am the Wrath of God. And when I look into the mirror, the woman looking back at me is THE World Champion God showed my father.”
Her eyes dip down into the front of the crowd where Angie takes diligent notes.
“...our father…”
She licks her lips as her eyes momentarily rise up to the large Japanese man in the back and then sweep through the crowd again.
“A few weeks ago, I promised my baby sister that I would do anything and everything within my power to ensure that she and I gave the world the fight they have EARNED at Coalescence. And at this moment, the Consortium...at least in the way of dear, sweet Madam Levene...are doing their best to preserve their intended ‘New vs. Old’ showcase at the anniversary event. They have placed before me potential challengers, all of whom have proven themselves possible legends and assuredly ringbearers for the Hall of Fame. On paper, I am at an extreme disadvantage, because while the three of them have the ability to simply focus on me...for they do not even need to worry about being placed into the ‘picked last for dodgeball’ Battle Royal as do those from the Cross-Hemisphere and Chaos fan-votes...I must be prepared for all three. I must be prepared for any of them. I must be prepared for three distinctly different styles of wrestling, promotion, mind games, and strategies.
“But this disadvantage is, indeed, only paper. And not even the strong Lacklanlander stock made from our fine birch in Maine.
“Jet Somers is a man I know well, as well as I know any outside of my immediate circle within the Coalition. As I alluded to before, he was fighting for the World Championship at my debut in the company. But unfortunately for he and the various bikers and ne’er-do-wells in his camp, that Jet is a memory of happier times which needs the tint of a cheap glass of rose to appear better than the reality. He and I have battled several times, as you all know, from he being a choice for my first Outlast team, to Cooperative salvos between the Court and the Cool Kids, to battles for championship opportunities. And since I know the man as well as I do, it is with true sadness that I looked at him this past Monday and saw what was little more than the hollowed-out husk of corn ravaged by locusts, once reaching high into the air and now bespotted with disease and falling to the floor.
“His words at the debate, at one of the few final opportunities, were those of a man whose shoulders slump and whose feet drag. It is as if he is a man at the end of his time, standing before the entry to the Green Mile, and knowing that he has nothing left but to make that walk to his doom. For him, he knows that there is no Governor's call to reprieve him of what is to come, and even a half-hearted boast of being able to equal Donovan’s record 5 World Title reigns as little more than death-row inmate’s faux puppy dog’s eyes as the executioner puts the hood over his face. Indeed, Jet’s performance during the debate, filled with small shrugs of his shoulders and the overbearing stink of death which comes with wrestlers who have stayed beyond their welcome, was the professional wrestling equivalent of Jeb Bush’s ‘Please clap’ moment.
“Next to him, oddly as it may seem, Donovan Hastings seemed downright lively. Unfortunately, that still meant that the former Creative Director did exactly what I expected him to do at the debate in using his time to influence the masses by making comments, both irreverent AND irrelevant, instead of having a care for the matter at hand. The truth of the matter, no matter how he may wish to frame it, is that he is what is little more than a part-time wrestler who has been able to attach himself to quick horses as they break into the stretch. Yes, there was a time when he was able to stand on his own feet and create his own merits, but men and women have been questioning if he still ‘has it’ for the entire life of the Coalition. Indeed, friend, foe, announcers, Consortium, all raising the question of Hastings would be able to rise to the heights of his former glory, if he could even bring again into the world battles like he and Phoenix, or if his own mythical bird would simply flame out. And while it would be remiss to dismiss his truly excellent reign as World Champion six full years ago, it is worth further noting that, since that time, Hastings has become the epitome of the fighting arts star who cannot stay out of the ring, no matter the resulting damage to his body. Indeed, since that revival of his abilities, since his inability to Outlast in 2014, the only “inevitability” he has been able to muster is a record not only sub 500, but not too far out of reach of dwelling in his own basement with Cajoolz.
“Much like how the Jet we now see is one with slumped shoulders and an aura of being defeated before he even fights, the Donovan we saw on Monday is one which the world knows stands little chance against the Pillar of Light. Yes, the Lord of Tricksters was able to surprise me for three seconds last year on an episode of Chill, but everyone understands that these circumstances are far different. This is a Hastings who has spent the last year sweating a full reemergence of the woman who set the company on fire for six months in 2017, a Hastings who goaded her with comments, both quiet and loud, until she rose into the air and was prepared to set the company aflame again. This Hastings is the one who has gotten too caught up in his own perceived importance in a business which moves quickly and now must face the consequences of playing his part in this particular Firebird rising from her ashes. Soon, he will be able to tell his girls about the time he was defeated by yet another Phoenix who is the greatest of all time.
“But if we are to speak of hubris, there is truly no greater perpetrator of being buried by it than Gabriel Baal. Slick and smooth, the Serpent gave shed to his skin and slithered into the Chimera in as grandiose way as possible, both artistically in front of the camera and administratively behind it. But to those who know him well, those who have been able to avoid silky, albeit toxic, charm, the ultimately impotent outcome of his shenanigans at Infinity are far from shocking. A career of winning the matches he thinks are important, while losing the ones which actually are, have left him wanting for a level of legitimacy within the business which someone of his stature should not need to crave. Indeed, his thirst for gold would have been sated long ago, had he been able to get out of his own way, as the old saying goes.
“Additionally, in what is one of the oddest similarities in my career to date, the Doctor has found himself to the idiocy which was ‘failing upward.’ Last year, Zane Scott blew his chance of winning the poorly-constructed Round Robin Tournament when he foolishly accepted the challenge of Le Bord de Dieu to place everything on the line against her in a Chaos match. After his failure, he was still granted a World Title match along with her for the Lord of Trios, and thought of it as ‘failing upward,’ or else getting something even when you get beat clean in the middle of the ring, a sentiment which did much in the way of damage to his reputation among his peers. Likewise, Baal failed in his attempt to headline Coalescence when he failed to even get out of the cluster round of the Global Challenge, yet has been granted this potential opportunity to win a title shot, anyway. It is truly a damned shame to see an otherwise worthy man find himself dropped into the sewage of upward failure in which the disgraced Scott dwells.
“That all being said, of the three men who stood in that ring, he is by far the most focused, an admirable state of being. Whereas Jet’s answer make one sigh and Hastings force the eyes to roll, the Doctor’s purpose is well-stated. He is prepared, which means he is dangerous. Still, something he said rung in my ears that night, and does still, about how he has lost more World Championship matches than he has won. I found this interesting to ponder upon, as I am indeed his Sphinx, and would like to extrapolate, if you will so indulge me.
“Myself, I am 4-and-1 in matches featuring the World Championship, should we not factor in initial Outlast elimination rounds. The Chimera is correct in his own self-reflection, as he is an overall of 2-and-3. Interestingly enough, the other potential challengers on Monday, for all of their lauded Mount Rushmore status, are 10-and-14 and 6-and-12, in respects to Donovan and Jet. What these numbers mean are simple: Regardless of their belief in the superiority over their peers, they fall upon their faces more often than find success, with Jet himself losing at such a rate as to be an embarrassment at the level of a Salvatore. Food for thought, if nothing else, when it comes time to look for truths within their words amidst the false bravado.”
Sarah takes a breath...the first in many moments...and smiles as she sees the mixture of attention on the faces of the crowd, from rabid understanding from Bordy and Angie, to the still wide-eyed attention of Kenzi, and several sets of glazed-over eyes.
“...but I digress…”
She nearly giggles when a few heads nod in avid agreement.
“The point of all this is quite simple: Three men, two geriatrics in the context of the fighting arts and one too far removed from regular competition, are hoping to be held up by the choices of the crowd for a shot of improbable glory. Unfortunately for these dreams, they face the woman who God Himself employs to be the pinnacle of worship and praise. They face the woman who has clear goals in mind...365 and 27...and the tenacity to see them through. They face the woman who embodies the belief that victory is to be attained at any cost. They face the woman who is determined to be everything the peons of the world fear: The Sphinx, the Phoenix, and more.
“Allow me to close simply with this, something which is true today, will be true on Monday, and will, no matter what it takes, be true in three weeks at Coalescence:
“My name is Grey-Lacklan.
“And I am THE World Champion.”
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