Post by Travis Pierce on Mar 21, 2020 15:23:44 GMT -5
We see a darkened set, with silhouettes visible of a table. A voiceover is heard from Rob Cartwright.
Cartwright: Ladies and gentlemen, he is the host of The Piercing Truth, you know his name, the Icon of Entertainment, the King of Charisma, he is...TRAVIS PIERCE!
“You Know My Name” by Chris Cornell begins to play, and the lights come on to show a chair sitting backwards behind the desk. A monitor behind the chair shows the logo for The Piercing Truth. The chair slowly turns around, revealing Travis Pierce.
Pierce: Welcome to the show! The fate of the Cross-Hemisphere Title is about to be in MY hands, so let’s get right to our top stories!!
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: A bank worker in Sao Paulo recently resigned from work and on his final day attended fully dressed as Spider-Man. It is a classic example of dressing for the job that you want, not that job that you have. In an unsurprising turn, nobody has gone to work cosplaying as Phrixus Deimos, because nobody actually aspires to be a condescending prick that nobody likes who spends their time scribbling in their diary like they spotting their boyfriend ogling another girl in high school while hiding in the bushes like a perverted deviant.
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: A man who was found guilty of flashing at a road junction after dancing around with a pie on his head was set to appeal his case, but Dave Rydell came out of nowhere and laid him out with the Virus of Life.
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: Moderators of the idiotic yet obviously popular TikTok were told to suppress videos from users who appeared too ugly, poor, or disabled, as part of the company’s efforts to curate an aspirational air in the videos it promotes, according to recently released documents, leading to a social media push to relocate Sarah Lacklan’s preferred output vehicle to TikTok so that we might all eventually be spared. If you’re not sure which category would lead to her suppression, odds are you are in fact Sarah Lacklan.
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: A recent problem with NASA’s InSight lander on the surface of Mars was solved by telling the lander to hit itself with a shovel. It remains to be seen if the same solution will work for Kenzi Grey.
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: A lion spotted roaming the streets of Spain, upon further examination, turned out to simply be a huge dog with a funky haircut. Local police also found that the tail of the dog had been made tufted. It is, of course, not the only recent case of something pretending to be something that it isn’t…
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: That would be YOU, Phrixus. Yes, I will come right out and say. The mighty Phrixus Deimos, The Embodiment of Fear, is a fraud. The shining example of this is your recent claim that you also embody the title that rests around your waist, your precious Cross-Hemisphere Championship. You’ve managed to paint yourself as the paragon of the division, but that’s really just expert showmanship on your part, isn’t it? Certainly, I applaud you for it, we appreciate that sort of thing around here. Yet you need to be exposed, Fear. We are weeks away from the tenth anniversary of UGWC and you’re being presented as though you were some great influence that shaped the division. 4-Time UGWC Cross-Hemisphere Champion. That does sound impressive, but let’s go backstage on that, shall we?
The monitor behind Travis shows footage of events as he describes them.
Pierce: You won the title in UGWC for the first time by defeating Zane Scott, which is a pretty decent win on its own, and we can throw on top of that the fact that you ended a seven month reign. Pretty good, right? Of course, it was in the Hall of Mirrors which is basically your signature match, so you should win that, but a win is a win. You went on defend the...hrm. Actually you got yourself disqualified against Cypress Morgan because the big thing that “The Embodiment of Fear” is afraid of is his vanity belt being taken from him, and then you went ahead and still lost it to Cypress anyway. So, that happened. Your second title reign you win the title from Eden Morgan, not taking anything away from that, big win, and you turn around and dump it right off to Killian King.
Pierce: So your third reign, we’ll find some redemption here, right? Great start, you beat Maggie Lockheart, who puts in such a performance in a losing effort that it’s like she didn’t bother showing up. But a win is a win, right? Great opportunity to make something of this and you go forth into your reign annnnnnnnd...immediately lose to DAVE RYDELL!?!
Pierce: So that brings us to your current reign, not too shabby so far, I guess, but you came into this with this “Icon of the Cross-Hemisphere Division” identity already in place, so where did this all come from? I mean, you know this, but let’s make sure everybody else does. You’re hung up on the title because it’s the title you won and held for six months in LWF and had your breakthrough moment and performance, made your name...SEVENTEEN YEARS AGO. Seventeen! Not even in UGWC! And yeah, it was a good run, you put down a list of names that were impressive at the time. Seventeen years ago. And you set a record that stood for eight years until Moss blew past it. All this is iconic of is your iconic need to cling to the past. You are a two-time UGWC World Champion. First ballot Hall-of-Famer. Icon of this business. And yet you’ve never moved past the achievement that you accomplished seventeen years ago. That’s sad, but the silver lining for you is that on Synergy I’m going to put you out of your misery.
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: Finally, a loose cow seen wandering on the loose in South Florida since late January has been described by local authorities as “faster than it looks” and a wanted poster has now been issued. This “talented fence jumper” also “enjoys pools” and should you spot her, it is suggested that you attempt to lull her to sleep by showing her an old Zane Scott match.
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: That’s all the time we have for this week, get yourselves ready for a new and original Cross-Hemisphere Champion going into Coalescence, and remember! It’s not my fault that the truth...hurts.
Fade out.
Cartwright: Ladies and gentlemen, he is the host of The Piercing Truth, you know his name, the Icon of Entertainment, the King of Charisma, he is...TRAVIS PIERCE!
“You Know My Name” by Chris Cornell begins to play, and the lights come on to show a chair sitting backwards behind the desk. A monitor behind the chair shows the logo for The Piercing Truth. The chair slowly turns around, revealing Travis Pierce.
Pierce: Welcome to the show! The fate of the Cross-Hemisphere Title is about to be in MY hands, so let’s get right to our top stories!!
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: A bank worker in Sao Paulo recently resigned from work and on his final day attended fully dressed as Spider-Man. It is a classic example of dressing for the job that you want, not that job that you have. In an unsurprising turn, nobody has gone to work cosplaying as Phrixus Deimos, because nobody actually aspires to be a condescending prick that nobody likes who spends their time scribbling in their diary like they spotting their boyfriend ogling another girl in high school while hiding in the bushes like a perverted deviant.
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: A man who was found guilty of flashing at a road junction after dancing around with a pie on his head was set to appeal his case, but Dave Rydell came out of nowhere and laid him out with the Virus of Life.
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: Moderators of the idiotic yet obviously popular TikTok were told to suppress videos from users who appeared too ugly, poor, or disabled, as part of the company’s efforts to curate an aspirational air in the videos it promotes, according to recently released documents, leading to a social media push to relocate Sarah Lacklan’s preferred output vehicle to TikTok so that we might all eventually be spared. If you’re not sure which category would lead to her suppression, odds are you are in fact Sarah Lacklan.
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: A recent problem with NASA’s InSight lander on the surface of Mars was solved by telling the lander to hit itself with a shovel. It remains to be seen if the same solution will work for Kenzi Grey.
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: A lion spotted roaming the streets of Spain, upon further examination, turned out to simply be a huge dog with a funky haircut. Local police also found that the tail of the dog had been made tufted. It is, of course, not the only recent case of something pretending to be something that it isn’t…
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: That would be YOU, Phrixus. Yes, I will come right out and say. The mighty Phrixus Deimos, The Embodiment of Fear, is a fraud. The shining example of this is your recent claim that you also embody the title that rests around your waist, your precious Cross-Hemisphere Championship. You’ve managed to paint yourself as the paragon of the division, but that’s really just expert showmanship on your part, isn’t it? Certainly, I applaud you for it, we appreciate that sort of thing around here. Yet you need to be exposed, Fear. We are weeks away from the tenth anniversary of UGWC and you’re being presented as though you were some great influence that shaped the division. 4-Time UGWC Cross-Hemisphere Champion. That does sound impressive, but let’s go backstage on that, shall we?
The monitor behind Travis shows footage of events as he describes them.
Pierce: You won the title in UGWC for the first time by defeating Zane Scott, which is a pretty decent win on its own, and we can throw on top of that the fact that you ended a seven month reign. Pretty good, right? Of course, it was in the Hall of Mirrors which is basically your signature match, so you should win that, but a win is a win. You went on defend the...hrm. Actually you got yourself disqualified against Cypress Morgan because the big thing that “The Embodiment of Fear” is afraid of is his vanity belt being taken from him, and then you went ahead and still lost it to Cypress anyway. So, that happened. Your second title reign you win the title from Eden Morgan, not taking anything away from that, big win, and you turn around and dump it right off to Killian King.
Pierce: So your third reign, we’ll find some redemption here, right? Great start, you beat Maggie Lockheart, who puts in such a performance in a losing effort that it’s like she didn’t bother showing up. But a win is a win, right? Great opportunity to make something of this and you go forth into your reign annnnnnnnd...immediately lose to DAVE RYDELL!?!
Pierce: So that brings us to your current reign, not too shabby so far, I guess, but you came into this with this “Icon of the Cross-Hemisphere Division” identity already in place, so where did this all come from? I mean, you know this, but let’s make sure everybody else does. You’re hung up on the title because it’s the title you won and held for six months in LWF and had your breakthrough moment and performance, made your name...SEVENTEEN YEARS AGO. Seventeen! Not even in UGWC! And yeah, it was a good run, you put down a list of names that were impressive at the time. Seventeen years ago. And you set a record that stood for eight years until Moss blew past it. All this is iconic of is your iconic need to cling to the past. You are a two-time UGWC World Champion. First ballot Hall-of-Famer. Icon of this business. And yet you’ve never moved past the achievement that you accomplished seventeen years ago. That’s sad, but the silver lining for you is that on Synergy I’m going to put you out of your misery.
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: Finally, a loose cow seen wandering on the loose in South Florida since late January has been described by local authorities as “faster than it looks” and a wanted poster has now been issued. This “talented fence jumper” also “enjoys pools” and should you spot her, it is suggested that you attempt to lull her to sleep by showing her an old Zane Scott match.
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: That’s all the time we have for this week, get yourselves ready for a new and original Cross-Hemisphere Champion going into Coalescence, and remember! It’s not my fault that the truth...hurts.
Fade out.
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