Post by cooltubesource on Mar 21, 2020 18:11:49 GMT -5
Monday
March 23, 2020
Vinegar: Sebastian is trying something different here and...OH! Look at the strength of Angie Vaughn!
Leiberjosch: She just lifted him up into the Electric Chair!
Vinegar: Angie in control and it doesn’t look like Seb knows how to get down. Is she going to drop him forward on his face or fall back onto his back? She-
Leiberjosch: The World Champ is on the top rope! She’s never on top!
Covert Jay: Kenzi told me that Sarah’s more of a Power Bottom
Vinegar: Angie walking closer to the corner, and Sarah is slowly standing up straight. What are they-
Leiberjosch: MARK OF CAIN! MARK OF CAIN!
Vinegar: JESUS CHRIST ON A POGO STICK!
Leiberjosch: Angie flipped Seb backward onto his face after Sarah hit the Mark of Cain! A Doomsday Device Shining Wizard?!
Covert Jay: OOOOOH WHAT A RUSH!
Vinegar: Sarah goes for the cover as Sam hits the mat! Here comes Hide to try to break the co-
Leiberjosch: SICK KICK! Angie takes him out!
Vinegar: One! Two! Three!
Mitchell Dennis: Here are your winners...the team of Sarah Lacklan and Angie Vaughn...TEAM HEEL SHIT UP!
Outside the ring, Sarah and Angie embrace in a sweaty hug, with the #1 Contender picking the World Champion up off the ground with a mighty squeeze. The two laugh as Roxy Malone, bored and with nothing to do since Vain isn’t there to hog up all of her interview time, arrives with a microphone. She sticks it into their faces, both slightly flushed with pink from their match, once Angie sets Sarah down.
“Congratulations on your successful debut as a tag team!”
The two women beam with joy, with the overall value of both of the smiles combined probably enough to bail out the travel industry, and Angie leans her head way WAY down in order to speak into the microphone.
“Thankies! My much much shorter sister and I knew that we could totes give the #SynergyVerse a match that would be totes adorbs!”
Sarah pushes herself up to her tippy-toes, getting as high as her heeled boots will allow, so that she, too, can speak into the microphone.
“Absolutely! This may have been the first time that the Coalition has seen this particular arrangement of the Cool Kids, but we never had a doubt that we would be getting our hands raised.”
“Tabs! Just like we said in our pre-match interview!”
“You DO remember that, yes?”
Roxy gives a slight shake of her head, and the Lacklan Sisters share a knowing look with one another. They both look back to Roxy and speak as one.
“Funny story, that.”
~~PRIMARY FLASHBACK TO: Sar and Ang standing in front of a UGWC banner in the back~~
Angie Vaughn and Sarah Lacklan, two thirds of the remaining #CoolKids, stand beore a large green and black UGWC banner. Dressed for battle, with Angie in her pink bodysuit and Sarah in her black, green, and red jacket covered in feathers, the two smile brightly.
“Hello, mouth-breathers!”
“She means ‘fans we love and adore, obvs’. Because THAT is what you ALL are!”
“You are about to witness the single GREATEST moment in Coalition history! Well, at least ONE of the greatest moments. Because my baby sister-”
“Notice you didn’t say ‘little’!”
“-and I are about to head down to that ring and fight the DASTARDLY DUO that is two members of the Uncommonwealth, in Hide Yamazaki and Sebastian Everett-Bryce-
“The Third!”
“-in yet another thread in the tapestry of the 2020 season. And unfortunately for those two, I’m so adept at taking threads and making clothes out of them that I literally created my own line of clothing!”
“I’ve been a featured Firestarter model, like, a dozen times! Sometimes the pants are a bit short, but other than that, pretty perfect!”
“Now, what this means for tonight is that Hide and Sebs have to deal with two of THE most influential wrestlers of the last few years-”
“A Vote for Angie in the Most Influential World Champion category is a vote for Baby Jesus!”
“-and considering how little impact THEY have had, well, let’s just say that the numbers don’t lie!’
Angie’s blue eyes glaze over for a moment and kitties begin to play in her head, and just about everyone else at home wishes that they, too, could join her for this next part.
“A stark reality, a reality in which many MANY people in this company wish they could ignore, is that Angie and I have done more in less time and matches than the vast majority of those who have come both before and after us. Between us, we have two World Titles, two Cross-Hemisphere Titles, one Chaos Title, three Cooperative Titles, and two tournament trophies! That is a TON of gold! And I don’t mean in a ‘hey, we accomplished this across a decade in the company like Pierce or Deimos’ or whatever, but more like in just a couple of years! Just about everything we’ve done has been high-impact and influential. The Cool Kids-”
“......hashtag…..”
“-forced the entire company to change or die, and some have been able to cope while others failed. And THAT kind of influence is NOT something that Johnny’s group of floundering flunkards can say they have had. Yes yes, Hide shocked the world by winning Battleground after nearly a year of being MEH at best. And yes yes, Seb has himself a Cooperative and Cross-Hemisphere title to his name, but both of them have been unable to translate that into any kind of lasting success. While Hide was able to show some promise immediately after Battleground, including a cooperative win or two against me, his opportunity to PROVE his ability later on, in TWO title matches THIS year AND a singles match in the MAIN EVENT against THE World Champion, he was left with nothing more in hand than a granola bar from JK and a pat on the shoulder for looking good in failure. And Sebastian’s two championship reigns have garnered him a total of exactly ONE successful defense. What this means, of course, is that while both Hide and Seb The Turd have shown moments of brilliance, they are forever on the precipice of being nothing more impressive than any other Johnny flunky like that binary code dummy.
“By contrast, Angie and I have spent the 364 days out of the last 406 as the World Champion. Outside of Roxy’s one-and-done reign, a member of the House of Lacklan has been the very FACE of the Coalition, and not in some distracted or disembodied way. Indeed, in those 364 days with either her or I on top, we have successfully defended that title seven times! Angie and I REIGN when we are champions! And don’t EVEN get me STARTED on how many times she was able to drag freakin’ DAVE to a championship victory in the cooperative division!
“Part of that unfortunate reality for everyone, especially for those who have found themselves listening to the mad advice of Bonecrusher, a man who is so desperate to ‘right’ a ‘wrong’ from years ago that he will lead promising wrestlers into the Abyss in order to make up for his shortcomings, is that this very BUSINESS is in for a change heralded by Angelica and I. And tonight is just another example. Hide, a man who needs far more guidance than Johnny can offer, and Sebs, whose worth is far less than what he promotes, must stand across the ring from the two people destined to change the sport of wrestling forever.”
Sarah takes a deep breath...finally...and Angie leaps at the chance to actually say something.
“I think that FIRST OF ALL, my sweet sister forgot to use Sebastian Everett-Bryce The Third’s full name in her last sentence! But water under the bridge! And speaking of water under the bridge, I hope you will apply that in regards to the totes mean things my b---, I mean, older shorter sister just said! Sure, Sebastian Everett-Bryce The Third and Hide have their flaws. After all, the former doesn’t know how to use his cute-boy slash semi-scoundrel slash a bit too short energy into the forces of true good! Bit of a shame. Meanwhile, the latter has STILL not apologized for eating all of my Carolina Reaper Harvest, leaving me with little to work with on my very first batch of Butt-in-the-Tub, which is a WORKING title on the STA Ranch’s very first hot sauce, so no need to report me for foul language or hurting your feelings! I never thought I’d have to explicitly mention that but apparently, when DMX was talking about Rough Ryders they weren’t talking about Duncan. Thankies to Kenzi for the hop-hip reference! Anyway, all I’m saying is we should be nice to people. I mean, like, I COULD make fun of Johnny’s gynecomastia. I COULD make fun of Sebastian Everett-Bryce’s the third inability to NOT like Nando’s, but then I remember that’s something I have a hard time with as well. And then I remember Johnny can’t help it. And then I remember Hide already had his fair share of punishment when he ate my harvest! So, like, karma?”
Angelica takes a deep breath, and continues to talk.
“All I’m saying is, it’ll work out in the end when we end up at the pearly gates. For now, I’m just saying that, well, you two boys are done for. For this week, at least. Because there’s something you may not have noticed about the Lacklan Sisters, buuuuuuuut,.... We’re competitive. Super competitive. I know Sar ALWAYS looks like it, and I don’t ALWAYS look like it, but we are. We wanna win. We wanna succeed. Together, but also against each other. We do NOT want to be a weak link. We do NOT want to be weak full stop! And don’t get me wrong… I love my sister to death. But I also know I will have to face her soon, for her most prized possession. So you boys have the unfortunate privilege of facing two sisters, who love each other very much, but are also intent on proving just how good they are to one another. Which isn’t something Sar-sar has to prove to me because I KNOW, but I also won’t let her go into Coalescence with a sense of superiority. A hard task, I know, but it’ll depend on how good I am tonight. Speaking of tonight, I know how I said that it’s as much a competition between our teams as it is between our respective partners? Well, to that I say, errrr…. Yeah! Inner competition and stuffs. But also know that Sar and I both like winning. And that, tonight, we’ll rely on each other to do so. And that if our egos get in the way of victory, we’ll kindly remove them. Because there’s no way to drive a wedge between us. No way to make us turn on each other that we haven’t already gone through. We already know we’re two of the Coalition’s Best. Now we wanna show to the world that two of the Coalition’s best, just could be the Coalition’s best team as well. And you’re the guinea pig. Just like a little less cute, but….”
“I think they get it, Sister.”
“Just driving a point home, sis! Sorry, I know my promo class grades weren’t that good!”
“And ANOTHER thing! We GET that you guys have been hanging out a lot together because of Johnny, but you have had NONE of the growth we’ve had! Ups and downs, secrets and admissions, pigs and horses. NOTHING.”
“Obvs! And we love to tell you about it!”
“And...shockingly...in UNDER 10k!”
~~SECONDARY FLASHBACK TO: Sunday~~
“What the HELL, Angelica?!”
“Language!”
“I’ll language you!”
“Ow! That’s nabs fair!”
“Pulling out your hair is completely fair!”
“NABS!”
Kenzi can’t believe her eyes as she walks out of the Vaughn ranch house. Her wife Sarah, covered head to toe in mud, and her sister-in-law Angie, blue overalls that were quickly being covered in mud by way of transfer, were rolling on the ground inside of the pigsty. The massive pig...Kenzi still couldn’t believe Angie named her “Snowflake”...was oinking loudly at the two of them, while the old horse was counting and neighing on the other side of the gate.
“OW! LET GO, ANGIE!”
“YOU FIRST!”
“I SWEAR TO JESUS’ BABY BOOTY I AM GOING TO WHOOP YOUR BONY CANADIAN BEHIND!”
“*CANDAIIAN”
Kenzi rushes over to the pen and whistles as loud as she can, but the two women continue to roll around in the mud.
“HEY!”
Kenzi’s yell is equally ignored. Meanwhile, Angie is successfully able to get to a knee and push Sarah away, but then her Lacklanlander Blue eyes go wide as Sarah immediately comes running at her with an attempted Shining Wizard. After yelping, Angie ducks down into the muck just as Sarah’s boots slip, and the two miss by a wide margin. Angie pushes herself back up and then gets to her feet, but is then rocked by an openhand slap to her face.
“YOU BETTER NOT TAKE IT EASY ON HIM!”
Kenzi’s jaw drops at both the heavy slap, the sound giving a muted THUD with the impact of the mud, and the heat in Sarah’s voice. In return, Angie recovers from the slap and then offers her own. Sarah easily ducks under the slap, possibly thankful for the extreme height difference for the first time in the nearly three years they had known each other, but is then caught by a knee in her chin.
“STOP BEING A TWIDDLYDUNK!”
“WHOA!”
Kenzi’s shock at Angie’s use of foul language...well, for her, anyway...was sufficiently jarring. Seeing that blood might well get spilled in this odd quarrel, Kenzi runs forward, sliding in the mud, and gets in between them.
“STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!”
Angie and Sarah try to get at one another, but they are far too covered in mud in order to get any kind of purchase, and Kenzi is able to keep them at bay. She looks back and forth at both of them, her own brown eyes meeting the fire of the blue and red.
“What is WRONG with you two?! Why are you covered in mud?! WHY ARE YOU FIGHTING?!”
Sarah grits her teeth and seethes out a vile-filled breath.
“Funny story, that.”
~~TERTIARY FLASHBACK TO: Half an hour before that~~
Sarah’s eyes fill with doubt behind her glasses. After a very VERY judging look up and down Gary the Horse, she turns to her sister, and her face adopts the cold severity of the Blood Princess.
“First of all,” she says, with back straight and chin raised, “THAT is not a horse. THAT is a part of the supply chain for Elmer’s glue.”
Angie’s face turns aghast and she strokes Gary’s mane.
“Sar-Sar! That is NOT okay! Gary is a SENSITIVE creature, do you know how much I have to spend on his therapy already?”
“Secondly,” she continues, undaunted, “you KNOW what a REAL horse looks like.”
She smiles even more smugly, though most would be astonished to know that she could possibly grow even moreso.
“You have met Fireheart.”
~~SUPPLEMENTAL FLASHBACK TO: One of those magical days in early 2018 when Angie was staying at the Path of the Light compound in Maine~~
Sar, three months after The Accident: And THIS is Fireheart!
Ang, weeks away from the Chocolate Pigeon Massacre: WOW! She is beautiful! And so tall!
Sar: I know, right? There is NOTHING more beautiful than a purebred Fresian. I don’t get to ride her very often these days, of course...
Sar: *grimaces as she looks down at her legs*
Ang: *gets really awkward as she, too, looks at Sarah’s lame legs while she sits in her wheelchair (OF DOOM~!)
Sar: *sits in awkward silence*
Ang: *tries to look away, but can’t, which just increases the awkwardness*
Sar: Oh! Funny story: I got Fireheart from my father as a Sweet 16 birthday present.
~~SUB-SUPPLEMENTAL FLASHBACK TO: Sar’s Sweet 16~~
Jean-Paul Lacklan, the Voice of God and Hammer of His Will, Savior of Professional Wrestling : And this, Daughter, is your final gift. BEHOLD!
Sarha, the Albino Vampire Queen of Lacklanland: *tries really really REALLY hard to NOT cast off her goth clothes and jump up and down like a little girl over getting the most AMAZING GIFT EVER OMG*
Sarha: *composes herself and successfully retains her Resting Goth Face*
Sarha: I suppose this shall do, my dear Mortal Sire. I shall ride her during the blackest of nights, nights which match her shining ebony coat, so that I may stay away from the vile sun which wishes to burn away my beautiful porcelain vampire skin.
JPL: *sighs and rolls his eyes behind his mask*
~~FLASHFORWARD TO: The supplemental flashback~~
Sar: Daddy loved me so much! Hey Ang, what did YOUR dad give you for YOUR Sweet 16?
Ang: …….funny story, that……
~~SUB-SUPPLEMENTAL FLASHBACK TO: Ang’s Sweet 16~~
Ang, a year before she ran away to become a pro wrestler, and therefore still blindly unaware of the truth to just about everything: *lightly hops up and down in front of her parents*
Mary: *trembles with the desire to hug her daughter tightly and tell her EVERYTHING*
Mary: Look what I got you!
Ang: OMG, a brand new soccer ball? I LOVE IT!
Ang: *looks expectantly at her overbearing, hateful dad who groans*
Richard: ugh...um...I… let’s see
Richard: *rummages through pockets*
Richard: ….here, take this… but don’t buy anything Satanic with it, I will find out!
Ang: *takes the crumpled up, forgotten, probably washed-and-rewashed $20 bill*
Ang: ...thanks, Dad...
~~FLASHFORWARD TO: The supplemental flashback~~
Sar: *awkward silence*
Ang: *awkward silence*
Sar: ...your dad kinda sounds like a jerk…
Ang: *noncommittal shoulder shrug*
~~FLASHFORWARD TO: The tertiary flashback~~
“...we can’t all have a loving father who gives us things, Sis…”
Sarah’s face falls somewhat at the judgmental sadness in Angie’s voice as she strokes Gary’s mane.
“...Angelica...I didn’t mean that...I just-”
“He’s good enough for me. He’s a nice horse, which is also very important. Besides, he’s a purebred Belgian Draft, you know. Just a bit… old.”
Angie gives Gary a nod and forces a smile onto her face. Beside her, Sarah lets out a sigh and pushes Angie out of the way.
“Fine! I’m sorry! I’m, like, the biggest jerkface ever. I’ll ride your...horse…”
With surprising agility for someone who despises “that flippy shit” so much, Sarah skips forward, presses her boot into Angie’s leg, and pushes herself off while swinging her leg around. With a slight “OOOMPH!” from both her AND Gary, Sarah lands onto the horse’s back with a delicate grace. Without a word, Gary begins to move forward, and very slight movements from Sarah’s legs and knees communicate instructions, leading to the horse turning into a full circle.
"Wow, Sar-Sar! You ride bareback really well!"
"Going bareback is one of the advantages of being married for years, sis."
"?"
"Nothing!"
Sarah leads the horse in another circle, again only using her knees to guide Gary, and gives a begrudging smile.
“Okay okay okay...he’s not the WORST horse in the world...”
This makes Angie smile
“...kinda reminds me of Hide.”
This takes away Angie’s smile.
“Broken down? Mangy mane? Super-duper close to becoming Super Glue? Trust me, I’ve ridden Hide straight to the Loser’s Window so much that he might as well start calling himself Gary!”
Sarah seems rather pleased with herself as she and Gary complete their circle and find themselves again by Angie and the pigsty.
“Better than Seb the Turd, though-”
Angie’s eyes suddenly flash.
“-I mean, THAT guy, ya know?”
An angry flash.
“All HE has done lately is stand there and look pretty-”
Gary the Horse, picking up his owner’s sudden change in demeanor, matches the cold anger with a few skittish steps.
“...woah, boy! Gentle!”
Sarah shakes her head as she regains control of the horse.
“Anyway. The TURD. Standing around, all flaccid, looking pretty. And he’s not EVEN all that pretty!”
Angie’s eyes turn pure blue, finding that gleam of anger and aggression normally reserved for her video games. Gary the Horse feeds on this and, in a big burst of energy not seen since his youth, bucks as hard as he can.
“SHIT!”
Without a saddle to hold onto, Sarah goes flying.
Over the fence.
And into the pigsty.
Sitting in the muck, the unnecessarily expensive Firestarter dress ruined, Sarah begins to scream. Angelica giggles and pats Gary softly on his hind quarters.
“Now now, Gary, I told you a thousand times not to buck people into the pigsty! Although she did kinda have it coming!”
~~FLASHFORWARD TO: The secondary flashback~~
Kenzi keeps Sarah and Angie at arm’s length and whips her braids back and forth to keep their faces away.
“The hell, you two? It’s just a dress! And Seb ISN’T all that pretty!”
This comment forces both of the sisters to turn their eyes to Kenzi with shocked and angry condemnation.
“AGREE TO DISAGREE!”
“YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH”
Kenzi lets out a deep sigh and pushes them both away.
“Okay, let's back up. Why were you even ON the horse in the first place?”
Sarah growls and rolls her eyes.
“Because of my sister’s STUPID farm chores!”
Angie gives Kenzi a shrug of her shoulders.
“It was a good idea at the time! You see-”
~~QUATERNARY FLASHBACK TO: The past couple of days~~
“FARM CHORES ARE STUPID!”
“That’s just because you haven’t practiced enough, yet!”
Sarah’s rage is met by Angie’s smiling enthusiasm in a galactic struggle. That same struggle was physically in place as Sarah...wearing yet another completely inappropriate Firestarter dress with a skirt long enough to trip her up...failed to capture a white chicken.
“I just want my egg white omelette, Angelica! Like I have at Eggs, Eggs, & More Eggs!”
“Then catch Henna, already!”
Sarah’s inability to catch Henna the Hen was obvious as the World Champion found herself tripping and slipping on her dress. As she screams in frustration, Angie easily scoops up the hen and PLOP! An egg slides into her hand.
“See? Easy! It’s kinda like very delicate baseball, but without any bats. And errrr, most of the other baseball stuff.”
Seated on the ground, Sarah’s face is as stormy as the fiercest cold front.
“Easy… THAT is what you said about the stupid cow!”
Angie rolls her eyes as mightily as Sarah ever has.
“Milking Bella is totes easy, Sar-Sar. You just grab her by the shaft of the udder and slowly, yet gently, go to the tip like mumsie showed me aaaaand...what’s so funny?”
Still on the ground, Sarah’s angry face had turned to laughter, complete with the tint of mischief in her red eyes.
“Oh...nothing...just that...well...it's been a long LONG time since I had to take my hand from shaft to tip in ANY kind of motion.”
Angie’s face becomes a literal question mark.
“A little out of practice, is all I’m saying.”
Angie’s face is now two question marks.
“Apparently, you’ve gotten REALLY good at getting results from base to tip.”
Three question marks.
“Probably runs in the family. Bet your mother has a TON of experience ‘milking’ things.”
Four question marks, but then she chews on her lips a bit.
“Actually, my mom is great at milking Bella. She gets more out of her than me! Really good at draining to the last drop. What IS so funny?!”
Sarah’s feet drum into the ground as she laughs so hard that the spiked heels, yet another piece of inappropriate attire, lance themselves into the ground. Angie shrugs her shoulders after Sarah waves away the question, unable to stop laughing, and reaches down to help her sister up.
“C’mon, we still need to haul some water and chop the wood.”
Sarah grimaces as she gets to her feet.
“Don’t you have servants for this kind of thing?”
“Farmhands.”
“Same thing.”
“Sar-Sar…”
“Okay okay! Farmhands. Where they be?”
“I gave them the week off. Pandemic, and all. Gave them a month’s salary in advance, and told them to stay indoors and wash their hands. But I knew that we could get the work done once I got your letter! Nobody helps better than family!”
Sarah grumbles to herself as the two begin walking toward their next chore.
“Doing things on my own was a goal I set myself, and all, but this is just ridiculous. We are PRINCESSES, Angelica!”
“Cinderella was an excellent homemaker!”
“Who likely say ‘F THIS crap’ once she became royalty!”
“That’s not the point, Sar.”
“Then what IS the point? WHY are we doing FARM CHORES together?!”
Angie sighs.
“You really need to work on remembering things that aren’t statistics. Why, don’t you remember…”
~~QUINARY FLASHBACK TO: The latter half of the first day~~
“OW!”
“YIKES!”
“OH EM GEE WHY ARE YOU SO TALL?!”
“MAYBE YOU SHOULD GROW A LITTLE VERTICALLY!”
Sarah and Angie both hold their heads in their hands. Dressed for battle, with Sarah in her unnecessarily revealing red and black training attire and Angie in a far more suitable golden bodysuit, the two lay on the ground within the large barn. All around them, stacks of hay had been compiled to resemble the squared circle of a wrestling ring, with thick lines of chicken wire stretching between them to account for the ropes.
“This is NOT working, Angelica. Why isn’t this working? We did it before!”
The two get to their feet, each taking a moment to shake the cobwebs from their heads.
“It tabs worked before, Sis. Did you get shorter? I bet you got shorter.”
“I did NOT get shorter! I have literally been five foot two since I was 16!”
Angie puts a finger to her chin as she thinks, with a dimple springing to life which could rival Sarah’s for the Overall Cuteness Award.
“Hmmm. Well, I DID grow taller last year.”
In front of her, Sarah seeths with gritted teeth.
“I know. You sent out ‘I grew taller!’ cards to everyone.”
Angie’s face breaks out into a smile.
“Yeppers! I was particularly proud of the pop-up ones that played my theme song when you opened them. Like the ones that sing Happy Birthday or Merry Christmas, except even cooler. But mabes that’s why that didn't work. I’m too tall for you!”
“But our OPPONENTS won’t have a height difference! Hide and Sebs-
“-the Third!”
“...you didn’t even let me finish, I was gonna say it! Anyway, they are practically the same height. And yeah, that’s, like, literally where their similarities end, but that’s still something they have over us! We need to remember how to move as one unit! Let’s try again!”
Over and over, Sarah and Angie run drills, but their timing is off. Either Angie’s leg is too high, or Sarah sweeps too low, or a dozen other situations where their teamwork is simply not what it was a year and a half ago.
“UGH!”
“Calm down, Sis! We’ll get it right eventually.”
“THIS ISN’T WORKING!”
The two pale women slump to the ground and press their backs against one another, both with their skin glistening with sweat and littered with hay.
“I had some issues tagging with Thunder, too. Even lost a match with him.”
“Hmmmm. I wonder to who?”
“Not now!”
“Heehee. Sorry.”
“We did some trust stuff, like I learned at Cheer Camp.”
“Oh, I did trust stuff with Sloaney too. Didn’t really pay off in the end, but it was pretty awesomeballz nonetheless. Maybe we can do some stuff I learned at Soccer Camp!”
“That literally isn’t a thing.”
“Ummmm...yes it is? It was like the only thing I was ever allowed to do apart from church and, well, soccer practice.”
“Soccer isn’t a sport, anyway.”
“Literally the world’s most popular sport, Sis. LITERALLY.”
“Maybe we can play games, or something? I remember I made Jet, Jase, and Kenzi play Guitar Hero once. That was pretty badass.”
“I’m up for-”
“NO FIRST PERSON SHOOTERS!”
“....fuddy duddy……”
“‘Never again’ means ‘never again.’”
“........just mad I head-shotted you seven times in a row and then knifed you………”
“We need some other kind of sister/taggie team bonding time. Some kind of activity we can do together.”
A lightbulb goes off above Angie’s head.
“I KNOW!”
~~FLASHFORWARD TO: The secondary flashback~~
Kenzi’s eyes glaze over and she blinks several times.
“...the fuck are you white people talking about?”
Sarah sighs and Angie grimaces.
“We weren’t having any success sparring-”
“-so we decided to do farm chores-”
“-’we’-”
“-and Sarah got all Ms. High and Mighty about Gary.”
“But what did HE have to do with anything?”
“Oh, THAT. You see-”
~~SUPPLEMENTAL FLASHBACK TO: Quaternary becomes Tiertiary~~
“I am NOT walking through THAT!”
“It’s not THAT bad, Sar-Sar.”
“It is FILLED with pig poop!”
“...only a little… you get used to it! I still remember going all ‘EW’ the first time, too!”
Angie and Sarah stand before the pigsty. Two bales of hay rest on the ground before them. Their assignment: Carry the bales of hay across the sty to the other side. Kind of like in Red Dead Redemption 2, just smellier.
“PASS!”
“Oh, come on! You can clean your boots off in the river afterward.”
“Angelica, the ONLY way I am crossing Snowflake’s pen is by RIDING across it, SO HELP ME!”
Angie thinks for a moment.
“Axly! I DO have a horse. A great one! He was, like, the strongest horse in the world!”
“Was?”
“Well back in his day…”
“Show me this wonder of nature right this instant.”
~~FLASHFORWARD TO: The secondary flashback~~
Kenzi breathes out slowly.
“What does ANY of this have to do with you two trying to rip each other’s hair out!”
Sarah’s eyes glare.
“It turns out that SOMEONE enjoys the company of SCOUNDRELS and I do NOT approve!”
Kenzi’s confusion grows as Angie’s face turns a slight shade of scarlet. Sarah smirks in victory.
“Funny story, that.”
~~SUPPLIMENTAL FLASHBACK TO: Tiertiary becomes Secondary~~
“-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-”
“Sarah, it's okay!”
“-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-”
“C’mon Sarie, c’mon man!”
“-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-”
“Let me help you up! It washed off easy, I promise!”
The shrieking continues as Angie pulls Sarah up out of the muck. Snowflake’s sty is a mixture of mud and fertilizer, which means that this potently pungent mixture now covers half of the Firestarter dress. Angie’s blue eyes are wide but she tries to inject some calmness into her voice.
“It's okay, Sar-Sar! You can barely notice the mud! If you errr, squint and tilt your head to the side.”
Angie can hear the howls of Bully, the dog in her neighbor’s yard, as Sarah’s scream increases in pitch.
“WHY DID YOUR STUPID HORSE DO THAT I CANNOT EVEN”
Angie does her best to calm Sarah down while she tries to scrape off the sludge on the dress, and finds herself mumbling.
“...maybe Gary was upset by some of the nabs nice things you had to say…”
Sarah’s eyes, filled with anger, narrow as she turns her head up towards Angie.
“Nice doesn’t matter if it's true! Hide IS the same as some broken down horse and Seb-
“...the Third…”
“-IS nothing more than some flaccid pretty boy who is light on the pretty!”
“YOU are making Baby Jesus cry, sis!”
“I am NOT! EspECially on the latter! Seb-”
“...the Third…”
“-is-”
Sarah stops mid-sentence and her mouth opens slightly. She cocks her head to the side, the sharp movement, a peculiar occurrence in the House of Lacklan, is characteristic of a bird studying a worm.
“Sister.”
Sarah’s voice is suddenly low and soft.
“...yes, sis?”
Angie, well versed in Sarah’s propensity for jumping back in forth in emotion and mood, has a voice filled with justifiable caution.
“Say ‘I think Seb the Third is ugly.’”
Angie looks down but remains silent.
“Allow me to repeat...I suppose you have too much hay in your ears from your transition into a hick...say ‘Seb is ugly.’”
Angie looks away and finds herself mumbling.
“...first of all! It’s Sebastian Everett-Bryce The Third and I’m nabs making Baby Jesus cry…”
Sarah utters a gasp so loud, raspy, and deep, that the Global Gasp Association not only takes note, but immediately proffers it up for Gasp of the Year.
“YOU LIKE HIM!”
Angie looks back up at Sarah with wide eyes.
“Wh-what? D-don-don’t be silly, I-”
“OH EM GEE YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON SEBASTIAN!”
“The Third! And also, that’s a no-no! I..just...ya know…”
“BUT HE IS A SCOUNDREL!”
“...I mean...he’s pretty enough… I can’t lie about that… but way too short...and-”
Another gasp. This one, too, will be nominated for Gasp of the Year.
“Is THAT why you can’t beat him?! Is THAT why he took away your Cross-Hemisphere gold?! Because you’re too busy wishing he’d CoolTube and Smash?!”
Angie’s jaw drops.
“SAR-SAR! Don’t be so indecent!”
Sarah’s eyes are as wide as the saucers in a Kenzi description, and are as fiery as even the hottest sauce in that excellent Angie promo last year.
“I FORBID this! There will be NO scoundrels in MY House!”
Angie’s eyes fill with an anger to match her sister’s and she stands tall, looming over the 5’2” World Champion.
“He is NOT a scoundrel! Most of the time… And you don’t get to decide who or who I don’t like! Quite frankly, this whole ‘Get Ang a Cute Boy’ project you have with Sloane is insulting, tee bee aitch! I’m a grown woman, thank you very much!”
“YOU are MY baby sister! And I will NOT abide by this! I will NOT allow us...US...the Lacklan Sisters...Team Shit Up...to take some Ls from Seb because ONE of us wants to take some D!”
“LA LA LA LA LAAAAA CAN’T HEAR YOU!”
“THEN YOU CAN HEAR MY FIST”
~~FLASHFORWARD TO: The secondary flashback~~
Kenzi sighs.
“...why...why...just, I mean, why…”
“Oh em gee! Is that Salsa the Wrestling Bear?”
Kenzi sighs and gives Sarah a flat look.
“Babe, I’m not falling for that anymore. Listen, I-”
“Wowsers! Is that Tom Cruise?!”
With eyes wide, Kenzi turns around in hopes of seeing the practical patriarch of her Scientology Church.
“OW! THAT’S NOT FAIR!”
She turns around to find that Angie has Sarah in a headlock, utilizing the near foot in height difference.
She sighs and decides to wait it out.
It takes a while.
A long while.
Every now and again, she would sneak in a listen to them arguing in between headlocks, hairpulls, and noogies.
“All I wanted to do was get some training in! But NOOOOO! You had to be all ‘ANGIE! ANGIE! ANGIE!’ and show me all of your hick stuff!”
“You totes love the Pigeon Palace!”
“Negative!”
“Tabs! In fact-”
~~SENARY FLASHBACK TO: The day before~~
Sarah falls to her knees, not worried about the dirt getting on her dress, and allows herself to weep openly.
“It’s...oh, Sister...it's so beautiful!”
The Pigeon Palace stood before her in all of its glory. Never ending pigeon feed (organic, of course), a gym full with cardio equipment and freeweights, enough screens for them to all watch Bolt on Disney+ (there was an ongoing debate between Team New York and Team Hollywood for best pigeon representation, though Team Texas was gaining steam), ever-flowing water from the nearby lake, and more. Behind her, with hands on bony hips, Angie’s face beams with pride.
“Thankies! We worked super-duper hard on it, didn't we, Ambrosia?”
Ambrosia the Pigeon, Captain of the Right Wing of the Royal Flock, nodded from her perch atop the Matron’s shoulder. As always, the reunion of Sarah and Ambrosia, not only the Prize Pigeon but one of the very first to be trained by her, had been tear- and joyful.
“It truly is a marvelous creation, Sister.”
Sarah gets to her feet and pulls Angie in for a massive embrace.
“Now! Show me this ‘ring’ of yours in your barn! We has some taggie team work to do!”
~~FLASHFORWARD TO: The secondary flashback~~
“See?!”
“Oh, please. I was just being nice!”
“Like when I say that you are a great driver?”
“I am a PERFECT DRIVER, thank you so much!”
“Axly!”
~~SEPTENARY FLASHBACK TO: An hour or so before THAT~~
SCREEEEEEEEAAAAAAACH!
Angie rolls her eyes as she hears, along with the hooting and hollering of every animal on the farm, the tell-tale sign of her sister’s arrival. She puts down her copy of the newest CTN Magazine featuring her and Sarah on the cover...as a member of the family, she got a hard-copy before the digital came out for everyone else...and adjusts her cowboy hat. She stands as she sees the incoming black car, making sure to do the “Picard Maneuver” to straighten her overalls, and steps down off her porch. She shakes her head as more squeals of tires...and flapping and screaming and crying from chickens, pigs, horses, goats, and more...accompany the car before it suddenly turns sideways and drifts to a stop in front of the house.
“...you’d probably be able to beat me at Mario Kart if you could figure out how to do that in the game…”
Angie loved her truck, a 2019 Ram 1500 eTorque because 'MURRICA, just as any true Texan would...even if she was a Texan by way of Canda by way of Maine...but she still appreciated her sister’s car. Sleek and black with coolio red lights that ran along the front, it was a copy of a car from some show...Night Writer, or something...and it could drive really really fast. Kenzi bought it years ago, before they all met, but she only pretended to listen to the story about it. After the car came to a stop, the passenger door burst open and Kenzi fell out, her face as pale as it could bet, and sweaty. She hugged and kissed the ground, which was super nice of her. Angie put a lot of work into that ground!
“BOOM!” Sarah’s exclamation was as loud as the screeching tires after she got out of the driver’s side. “Under thirteen hours!”
Angie then understands why Kenzi looked like she was on the verge of death AND kissing the ground below her. The distance from the Egg to the STA Ranch was over 2000 kilometers! She had to have been almost time traveling to have made the drive that fast!
“Wow, Sis! That’s, um, great!”
“I know, right? And Mrs. Negative over there thought I was crazy in my estimation.”
Kenzi “Mrs Negative” Grey-Lacklan was too busy thanking every God known to man for still being alive to notice.
“C’mon out, everyone!”
Animals piled out of the back of their car: Lil’ Has the albino dwarf bunny (likely headed straight for Ser Bobby), the two cats she had to kick out of her Kitty Cafe in Portland for being bullies to both the other cats AND the customers, and three pigeons (they must have won the Great Coo-Off). Baby Lael..though, not so much of a baby anymore, he was getting big!...was on her shoulder. That probably made Kenzi sad, though. She must love how the giant spider likes to play in her braids!
“Sister! Have your farmhands come out and carry my things!”
Angie sighs when she sees the trunk of the car is open and jammed with bags...every single one was from YSL and she just KNEW that Sarah wasn’t going to let her borrow ANY of them...especially when she sees the one marked “Cute as FLAME socks!”
“There’s $4300 that you’ll never see again.”
“Hmm?”
“Nothing!”
“Right. So, where’s our room?”
~~FLASHFORWARD TO: The secondary flashback~~
“You better not ‘accidentally’ let him pin you!”
“Oh, you mean lose? Like how you have lost to me twice?”
“That match with Thunder barely even counts!”
“Still 0-2!”
“Oh, I’m sorry. The shine from my UGWC World Championship must be blinding me and making me miss your point!”
“Nabs needs to worry, Sis! I’ll take it away from you at Coalescence!”
“So you can then ‘accidentally’ get beat by Seb...again...and then lay on your back for him when he gets a title shot?!”
“HE’S NOT TALL ENOUGH!”
“NO ONE IS TALL ENOUGH FOR YOU, MS SIZE QUEEN!”
“SEVEN FOOT IS NOT TOO MUCH TO ASK!”
At some point, long after the sun had begun to set, Kenzi is shaken from her bored daze by an odd sound.
Laughing.
Looking up, she sees Sarah and Angie, covered heel to pale hair in muck, mud, silt, and pig poo, sitting on the ground in that weird way of theirs, and laughing their asses off. She sees them reach up in mirrored motions and tug on one another’s hair and laugh all the harder.
“...fucking crazy Lacklans…”
Kenzi shakes her head, walks over to them, and plops down next to them. She and Sarah immediately intertwine their hands, and Angie leans her head to the side to rest atop Kenzi’s.
“Honestly, you two, what are we even DOING here?”
“Bonding. Duh.”
“Obvs.’
Kenzi shakes her head.
“Though, tee bee aitch, I was just enjoying some quarantine time when Sar’s letter came!”
“What letter?”
“Oh! Let me show you…”
~~OCTONARY FLASHBACK TO: Wednesday morning~~
“... and I call it… the quarantini!”
Angelica held up the glass, looking at the liquid and aimed it at the nearest lamp. The liquid inside the glass lit up, and our leggy blonde of legend could swear she was seeing all the different kinds of drinks inside, incessantly swirling and interchanging.
“...pretty coolio, right?”
The question was aimed at her mother, who was lying on the couch and watching Netflix. Angie wondered how she hadn't gone through the entire catalogue already, but apparently she was deep enough that she had stumbled on the anime section and was currently watching a Japanese cartoon about some guy who could kill people by writing their name in a book or something.
“Sure, honey.”
Her mother seemed distracted, which Angie couldn’t really blame her for. The current situation had basically cut her off from any kind of social contact she had other than her daughter, and there was only so much she could do on the ranch over a certain period of time.
Angelica, ever the optimist, had been trying to make the best of the situation, however.
~FLASHBACK WITHIN THE OCTONARY FLASHBACK~
“All aboaaaaaaard!”
Angie held a plastic cutlass in front of her. Ser Bobby and Ser Alex hopped into the cardboard ship she’d made as they were about to do a full re-enactment of the Pirate Dream Angie had once had.
“More like all a-bored…” Mary sighed as she walked past, but otherwise not addressing the so-manieth inherently silly situation that was going on in front of her.
“That’s what I said! All aboard! Silly mumsie! Ser Alex, no peeing against the mast! I know you’re not happy about having to play First BFF Roxy, but we all have to make sacrifices in this period of time! Besides, that brassiere looks lovely on you, I’m sure Chewie would agree.”
Angelica snapped on an eye-patch and raised her cutlass.
“Ha-haaaaaargh! Let’s go, you scallywinklings! To the Seven Seas and Beyond or something!”
~BACK TO THE FUTURE IN THE OCTONARY FLASHBACK~
Angelica giggled as she remembered how Ser Bobby had played the part of Captain 1680’s to perfection, even going so far as to rip his clothes off in the heat of battle... She took a sip of her Quarantini, which unsurprisingly consisted of a lot of Martini, some rum, a dash of Cointreau and some juniper berries.
“Ew, that is horrible…”
Angelica shrugged. Not EVERYTHING she did was a home run, after all. Still, it beat some of the cocktails Roxy had made up for her.
“Needs some apple juice!”
Angelica skipped to the supply closet to make it so. Sers Bobby and Alex rushed to follow her, twirling around her legs as she opened the door, knowing fully well that that was also where their favorite treats were stored.
“Knock it off, you two! Even if you’re like totes adorbz, you’re still punished for what happened yesterday! No treats!”
The two kitties looked up at her with the feline equivalent of puppy-dog eyes, and Angelica rolled hers.
“Do I REALLY need to remind you?”
~FLASHBACK TWO WITHIN THE OCTONARY FLASHBACK~
“OW EM GEE!”
Angelica screamed as the alarms went off, as both her and Mary jumped from the couch. The lights had turned red and sirens were wailing, leaving the two women in, shall we say, distress.
“That’s it! World War Three!”
“The Third! And don’t be silly, mom. They’re not going to start a World War because people are getting cases of Covfefe-19! If anything, it’s a time for solidarity!”
“Angie, sweetling, it’s COVID-19. You know that, right? It’s important to me that you know that.”
“Whatevs!”
Angelica sprinted over to the main alarm control panel located near the front door. She pushed a few buttons on the touchscreen and peered at the enlarging red dot.
“It’s coming from the Pigeon Palace!”
“But why would anyone…?”
Mary and Angelica both looked at each other, before saying in concert:
“THE KITTY TRIPPING ALARM!”
“Where are those two?” Mary asked, frantically starting to look around, but Angelica didn’t need an answer. She bolted out of the front door and onto her property (which, by the way, is THE most ‘MURRICAN word ever) and dashed towards the Pigeon Palace. A state of emergency like this could only mean one thing… a breach!
As fast as her long legs could carry her, Angie arrived at the Palace, coming to a screeching halt as she dug her feet into the ground. She took out her phone, turned off the alarms through the a-PP (which is a play of words on ‘app’ and a-’Pigeon Palace’... is a joke still funny if you have to explain it?) and turned on her flashlight. Aiming upwards, she could see Sers Bobby and Alex, halfway up into the chicken wire, which luckily was only the FIRST layer of protection.
“Oooooooh! You two come down RIGHT this instant!”
Knowing better than to ignore a direct order from their matron (did we say matron? We meant MOM), the two felines jumped down off the fence and sulked back, clearly disappointed that their plan to invade the PP had failed miserably. Angelica put her hands on her hips, which are way less bony than some OTHER narrators might imply… mostly.
“Seems like the two of you have been BUSTED! No treats for the two of you for at least, errrrr… Well, we’ll see about that!”
~WE’RE GOING BACK… BACK TO THE FUTURE!~
“So that’s why… No treats! Only apple juice for my Quarantini!”
Both cats turned their tails on her and marched off. Angelica nodded, satisfied that her disciplinary action would hopefully make them think twice before pulling a stunt like that ever again.
She poured a bit of apple juice into her drink and tasted it. It still wasn’t an absolute winner, but it would have to do for now. She skipped back to the kitchen, put the drink on the counter, and heard the oven go *PING*. She got down on one knee and took a look through the glass.
“Mom! The cal-quarantine-zones are done!”
She grabbed an oven mitt and drew back the oven door, letting the delicious smell of homemade folded pizza permeate the room.
Now, Angie wasn’t the greatest of cooks. Need we remind you of the time NASA sent her a strongly worded letter, encouraging her NOT to make popcorn during launches at Cape Canaveral? Best not, since there are only so many funny flashbacks one person can take in, and this isn’t an episode of Family Guy. But it happened! Still, this was store-bought with a twist, and despite the blackened edges and still-frozen center, Angie believed she’d done worse cooking jobs. She took two plates over to the couch, and they snacked on semi-burnt, semi-frozen calzones while watching more weird Japanese cartoons that Angelica could make either heads or tails of, but she appreciated that her mother was weirdly into them. Angie thought she could at least try to understand them, too, if only so she could talk about them to Shinji, whose shell she still needed to truly crack.
They watched a few more, until eventually the calzone’s charcoal edge had cooled and the center had naturally thawed out, and the both of them woke up with a start from a state of semi-slumber when they heard aggressive ticking against the window. Mary straightened herself and looked over at the sound’s source.
“Great. Just what we needed. The Demon Child cursing us with another rat on wings!”
“Mom! Rude! I REALLY wish you’d stop calling Sar-sar that, by the dubs. She’s, like, half dad too, you know! Focus on that, for a change!”
Angelica hurried over to the window, sliding it up to reveal the albino pigeon waiting outside, a letter bound to its leg. Angie scratched the pigeon’s head, eliciting a delighted coo, and gave it her thanks.
“Thank you, Annapurna. Please make your way to the Pigeon Palace, where you’ll… NOES!”
A monumental hiss was followed by a flapping of wings not seen for a thousand years! Ser Bobby took the mightiest of jumps, claws out, towards the albino pigeon who was literally in the middle of a flee-or-die situation. Angelica, lightning reflexes and all, grabbed ser Bobby by the tail and pulled him back, barely stopping him from digging his claws into Annapurna’s breast and ending her life. The pigeon flew off towards her safe haven, and Angelica pointed a (strongly worded?) finger towards her kitty cat.
“BAD Ser Bobby! BAD! No more treats for at least 24 more hours!”
As her cat walked off, tail upright, Angelica unfolded the letter.
“Ooh, you were right, mumsie! It’s a letter from Sar-sar!”
“Who else could it have been? Kenzi would just text you, like a normal person.”
“Errrrrr… Let’s see what she has to say!”
~LETTER NARRATION MODE INITIATE~
Dearest Baby Sister,
OMG I AM SO BORED
You have NO idea! Here I am, THE World's Champion, and instead of doing things like interviews and media and other stuffs to rep our business and company, I'm stuck at home! Sure, my home IS awesome and all (we MUST have you over to check out the pool in the summer time! Literally filled with the actual tears of my detractors 😊), but it's ONE thing to CHOOSE to have a staycation and QUITE ANOTHER to be FORCED into one 😡
grrrr
N-E-Ways
Kenzi is doing...let's go with "okay." That match with Tempest did NOT end well. Personally, I think he should be stripped of the title since he broke the agreed-upon rules of engagement to only use particular weapons, but I doubt my protestations will amount to much. We stayed a couple of days in Florida and the rest had been at the Egg. She hasn't been in the mood to talk much, so I'm letting her rest as much as possible before I get all kinds of lovey-dovey up in her grill 😛
How are you feeling? I know what it's like to not walk out of a match with Cooperative gold around my waist (less said about THAT the better, tysm 😒), and so I know you must be bummed. But! We can’t let your failure in LAST match affect your NEXT match! Because WE get to wrestle together for the first time in the Coalition! 🤯
Now, I KNOW that you have become all kinds of buddy-buddy with Johnny’s bands of miscreants and ne’er-do-wells, but we canNOT allow them to do ANYTHING other than get beat by the Lacklan Sisters! You and I have been through WAY WAY WAY too much in the last couple of years to find ourselves taking Ls by some midcard lackeys (and they ARE Johnny’s midcard lackeys!), and it is IMPERATIVE that we stand tall. Well, as tall as I can stand, anyway. We can’t all be unnecessarily gargantuan, ya see! 🤔. Now, in order to do that and brush off any rust we might have as a team (it HAS been a while since that XWA nonsense), Kenzi and I will be coming over to your place. Like, tomorrow. Like, for a few days. We’ll get some training in, do some stuffs, have some yummies, help me out with this extreme boredom, and then we’ll fly on over to Chicago together. It’ll be great!
Make sure our room is ready!
Oh! And! I’ll totally be happy to get that “THANK YOU SO MUCH BIG SISTER” hug from you that I didn’t have a chance to get at IYH. You know, for beating up Baal in a way you couldn’t, just like how I beat up Rydell for you? It's what big sisters are for, after all! 😊
LYSM 🤗
Your big sister,
-S.S.G-L
~~FLASHFORWARD TO: The secondary flashback~~
“Jeez, Babe. When did you even write that letter?”
“Funny story, that.”
~~NONARY FLASHBACK TO: Tuesday evening~~
Sarah drums her fingers on her desk.
She stares at the perfectly tipped nails with each drum and thrum.
She looks at her pocket watch.
Literally only three minutes from the last time she looked.
“OH EM GEE I AM SO BORED!”
Sarah’s cry of exasperation did not phase Kenzi, who was working on her iPad on the couch next to her. After two days in Florida following In Your Hands...the doctors wanted to keep an eye on Kenzi and Sarah had agreed after they told her, with all seriousness, that the barbed wire had done a significant amount of damage to her face...they had spent nearly every moment in the Egg. In addition to Kenzi’s injuries...she had an appointment with some specialist surgeons earlier that day...the spread of COVID-19 meant that they were being encouraged to stay at home. Being in the sport and entertainment businesses, neither one dealt in anything “essential,” and so the vast majority of the time meant working from home. Which meant Kenzi on her various devices and the perpetually-bored Sarah just about ready to pull out her platinum locks.
“This was SUPPOSED to be our vacation week! But NOOOOOOOOO. Stupid coronavirus!”
Behind her large sunglasses...Kenzi had been keeping her face covered nearly every moment over the last week...the dark eyes look away from Sarah. She could blame the spreading virus all she wanted, but Kenzi knew the real reason why they didn’t get their “vacation week” and instead were sheltering in place:
Kenzi not only failed spectacularly against Tempest, but now she was uglier than Medusa.
She didn’t want to be seen by anyone. She didn't want to be seen on social media. She didn't want to be seen at work. She didn't even want to be seen by Sarah right that moment, though she knew there was no way to get around that. But she definitely didn't want to be seen in public.
Not ever again, if she could help it.
“I mean, good LORD! We had SO MUCH SEX on our cruise that I was more raw than Gabby after the shooting of 300: A Blacked.com Special Edition! And don’t EVEN get me started on all of our Hawai’i sexytiming! And NOW, after yet ANOTHER successful defense of MY UGWC World Championship, we don’t even get to CELEBRATE!”
Kenzi’s shoulders fall, though she is happy that Sarah is too preoccupied to notice. She knew the REAL reason why there was no intimacy at this moment.
Kenzi was ugly.
“Ugh. I have GOT to do something. WE have got to do something.”
Kenzi stops breathing as Sarah’s eyes go wide and her red eyes shine.
“OH EM GEE I KNOW!”
Kenzi lets out a small sigh of relief as Sarah reaches into her desk, pulls out her parchment, ink stopper, and feathered pen, and puts herself to one of her favorite pastimes.
~~FLASHFORWARD TO: The secondary flashback~~
Kenzi shakes her head as the three of them grow silent.
It was a beautiful sunset, after all.
~~FLASHFORWARD TO: The primary flashback~~
“And THAT kind of development and bonding? You two have NO idea what it’s like! We’ve had ups! We’ve had downs! We’ve had darkness and light. All YOU two have had has been Jibbering Johnny throwing you and others together for the next combination of Team Loser. Which is why you will be WHOLLY unprepared for the AWESOMENESS that is about to happen!”
“And it IS awesome, guys! In fact...EVERYTHING is awesome! Everything is cool when you’re part of THIS team!”
“That’s right! Because after our music plays and we make our way to the ring, you’re going to hear Mitchell say: Introducing first, the woman to my left. One of the YOUNGEST World Heavyweight Champions in history! One of the FASTEST competitors to become a Grand Slam Champion! She has been the World Champion! The Cross-Hemisphere Champion! The Chaos Champion! And she is the GLOBALIST of GLOBAL Champions, having defeated THREE future Hall of Famers in ONE NIGHT to earn HER PLACE in the MAIN EVENT of Coalescence. Fighting out of the STA Ranch in San Antonio, Texas, she is Angelica Vaughn!”
“And on to my left! …”
“...right….”
“Right! Other left! Is none other than the one who can make the world quake. She is the Firiest of Firestarters, the Matronest of Matrons, and totes one of the SHORTEST World Heavyweight Champions in history! Not one of the fastest competitors to make Grand Slam Champ, or even Grand Slam Champ, but she does have the fastest wit, the most detailed of slideshows, and the tastiest of statistical pie charts, even if they WOULD be a bit better with a bit of creme fraiche! But there IS a cherry on top… She will be teaming, for the first time ever, with the one she KNOWS to be her Sister, and they will let the Lacklan Blood run wild tonight! Not, like, in a way that we’ll be bleeding, but we’ll just like, you know, run wild and...”
*coughmoveoncough*
“FIRESTARTER! I shan’t forget about that, and neither shall you! And if you think that’s nothing to be taken seriously, then let me say this: would the Coalition today still exist without her? Or would it have petered out if she hadn’t set it on fire again? Not, like, literally, but most def figuratively and….”
*coughmoveoncough*
“Errr, yeah. Sorry, I still haven’t graduated promo class. N-E-Ways, we are Sar-sar and Angie!
“And together, they stand at a combined height of eleven feet and one inch-”
“BAY-BAY!”
“...they are TEAM HEEL SHIT UP!”
“NOT our name. AND language!”
~~FLASHFORWARD TO: Right this second~~
Roxy Malone blinks and takes a deep breath.
“Wow! That was one heck of a story about how you two come together to overcome the team of Hide Yamazaki and Sebastian Everette-Bryce.”
“The Third!”
“The Turd!”
“What is next for you?”
“I will tell you this, RoMa...which is, like, totally your name now...Hide and Sebby are going to go into Coalescence and be a part of some loser cluster match or hope for a shot at a shot to a title. But us? Angelica and me?”
Sarah looks up at her sister and Angie gives her a nod.
“We are going to give the Coalition the greatest pure wrestling match they have ever had.”
Sarah heads towards the back while Angie gives one final “Thankies!” to Roxy, blows kisses, and hi-fives as many fans as she can reach as Synergy comes to a close.
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