Post by Lord Hastings on Apr 4, 2020 19:58:52 GMT -5
Hastings: I’ve got this.
Peterson: I know.
Hastings: Practically wrote the book on it.
Peterson: Definitely.
Hastings: Actually wrote a book about it.
Peterson: I...uh oh. About what?
Hastings: Dealing with people of his ilk.
Peterson: Which ilk would that be?
Hastings: You know. There was the year I waged war against Killian. Fairly certain I tangled with the Hit Squad a time or two. Stein’s disembodied narrator.
Peterson: Disembodied narrator?
Hastings: I think his name was Felix. Plus, I’m sure I’ll have to deal with Seb at some point, good to be prepared.
Peterson: ...British people?
Hastings: What about them?
Peterson: What did you do…
Chapter 1: Slightly Put Out
This is where the anger begins, and it can and will spiral quickly from here. Perhaps a neighbor has parked his car in Baal’s usual spot. Maybe a colleague has taken a favorite pen. There is a suspicion that someone in his cult isn’t pulling their weight when it comes to the tea run. It will only be a relatively minor incident, but it will sow a seed. Once slightly put out, Baal will not rest until vengeance is served. Often when slightly put out, Baal will tut, and that’s when you’ll know that all hell is about to break loose.
Chapter 2: Miffed
You can’t stay slightly put out forever. The state of miffed will quickly follow as the rage has been allowed to ferment. If, say, the situations listed in Chapter 1 weren’t just one-off incidents but have somehow happened again, then the Baal’s blood starts to boil and his body starts to tremble, much like a kettle. At this stage, Baal will start to think about saying something, before trying to quash that idea completely. Eyes will slightly narrow, a plan will be formed and arms may very well become folded.
Chapter 3: Disgruntled
This is the stage where the rising anger begins to become verbalized. Baal may begin to mutter, almost inaudibly, short phrases such as “I don’t know,” “Oh, come on,” and “That’s not on.” When the Baal has become disgruntled, he will want other people to know and, ideally, join in the disgruntlement. Situations that classically lead to this stage include the cancellation of an oft-cancelled train, the arrival of a “sorry we missed you” delivery note despite Baal being home by the door all day, or an unexpected shortage of paralytic drugs.
Chapter 4: Cross
Careful now, things are getting real. Once at the cross stage, the anger is rarely able to be reversed quickly. Once cross, Baal will turn red, become sweaty and start to utter mild swear words. Look very closely and you may even notice a twitching eye or a shaking fist. This is also the stage where the Baal will start to formulate a plan of complaint, seeking out the best person to have a bit of a shout at. He will shake his head, roll his eyes, and for some reason, look at his watch a lot. He will also text a cult member such as Solomon Weightman and somehow blame the situation on them.
Chapter 5: Exasperated
At this stage, Baal might crouch down, put his head in his hands, or even laugh incredulously at the situation. He’ll start bargaining with nobody, and declare the situation to be “bloody typical, just sodding bloody typical,” even if it’s the first time it has happened. The head shake will now be constant and arms will periodically be thrown skywards. Baal may even hold his arms in the air and spin around, as if doing some kind of angry goal celebration, as a warning to nearby cult members to leave him alone.
Chapter 6: Fuming
Baal is now a pressure cooker stuffed full of incandescent fury. Only approach if you have a solution to the problem or are a young and/or naive and nubile girl. Baal may say things such as “I’m just SO angry,” “this is unbelievable,” and “I’m going to send an e-mail.” The fuming stage often occurs at some sort of check-in desk or Consortium member’s office and will result from hearing words such as “overbooked,” “no record of your reservation,” or “you can’t team with <female member of roster> this week.” At this stage the Baal will be hot to the touch and quite clammy, or so the medical staff has remarked.
Chapter 7: Seething
Very similar to fuming, but eerily quieter. Signs to look for are teeth being ground to dust, watery eyes, fists clenched so tightly they could turn coal into diamonds, or a syringe being filled. Also listen for slow, measured breathing through the nose. At this stage, if you prod the Baal, or suggest he should try to calm down just a bit, he will explode into…
Chapter 8: Bloody Livid
“I AM CALM,” the Baal will now scream to the sky, before ripping off his jacket, screwing it into a ball and throwing it into the nearest fire along with stabbing you in the neck. He might wrench the telly off the wall, or randomly start clearing plates of hot food into the bin. He will attempt to slam a door that is designed to always close gently, magnifying the anger. He may also go and sit in the car for no reason, before coming inside again.
Chapter 9: Going Ballistic
The Baal will often misremember this stage, and will report back to family and friends, as the story gets retold every year for the rest of time, that he went “absolutely ballistic.” What will have actually happened is he threw a bit of a hissy fit, refused to move and had to be taken to a side office to calm down as nearby children remarked, “Daddy, why is that man stomping on his phone?”
Chapter 10: Silence
Leave the silent Baal alone. He is a coiled adder, a firework that has not gone off, a snake yet to bite. Do not approach. Leave in a dark room for three to four days and the janitor finds him.
Before we begin, Gabriel, I’d like to remind you that you started this.
It was you that “marked” me in your first impactful action as the guest Creative Director, while you hid behind a secret identity like a masked devil. It was an interesting game of the sort you like to play, but it would seem you miscalculated as to precisely who you were messing with. Perhaps you were somehow unaware that I have a bit of a reputation for holding grudges, a consistent history with holding on for an extended and savage back and forth blood feud. You somehow overlooked all this in all your planning and scheming.
Allow me to introduce myself.
I am the person that accomplished everything you could ever hope to accomplish before you even dreamed to set foot here. Before you go about calling me a relic, let me remind you that I’ve also accomplished it since. I am the eternity of UGWC, it’s past, present, and future.
In the past, I was a 5-Time UGWC World Heavyweight Champion, and the first ever. I have headlined Horizons and unified championships. In the present, I continue to be the same force I’ve always been, my recent string of victories over Jet Somers, Roxy Cotton, and Sloane Taylor being in themselves an example of my dominance over the ages of UGWC. The future is clear that when I put you to rest, I’m going back for my championship once again.
Truth is, you have me to thank for your entire career. You’ve managed to make the most of opportunities that I have provided for you. UGWC has endured for ten years because of me, because of my efforts, my successes and achievements, my personal dedication and endurance. You’re welcome. Much more directly, you have me to thank for the fact that you were ever a World Champion at all. I hardly think that there is anyone who believes you could have beaten Eden at WrestleStock all those years ago if it wasn’t for my own actions that night. After all, isn’t that the true reason you always kept her close? Because you doubted your ability to defeat her if you had to?
I imagine you also doubt your ability to defeat me. After all, your years of manipulations and machinations have done a tremendous job of keeping you out of my path. It allowed you opportunities at success, opportunities that you mostly squandered. Time and again, you were your own worst enemy.
The Engine of Chaos were four cogs in a machine, each intended to be part of a unified chain, but the wheels fell off because Gabriel Baal refused to yield his identity and ego to group, unwilling to risk not being special. The Court successfully manipulated events in their favor until Gabriel Baal joined them, and it wasn’t long before their power dissipated.
Contrast that with the impact of the Dungeon of Pain, the influence of the Puppet Masters. Contrast the repeated ways in which I have reinvented and reinvigorated myself time and again, year after year, with the way you have remained one-note and static since the day you debuted, the cult leader masquerading as a shrink that strives to prey on the naive and the weak.
Perhaps you know exactly what you are doing after all. After a year tucked away and forgotten in obscurity and absentia, you returned and targeted an icon, knowing full well that a blood feud with Donovan Hastings will put anyone full frontal in the spotlight of UGWC. It certainly put you back into the realm of opportunity, got you on the ballot at In Your Hands. Another opportunity you squandered.
Let me remind you a final time who I am, because this is Coalescence, this is our anniversary, and you are about to get the conglomeration of the best of all eras of Hastings.
I am the Ripper.
The Lord of Pain. The Immortal. The Inevitable. The 5-Time UGWC World Heavyweight Champion.
And the man who will bring you to your final chapter.
Peterson: I know.
Hastings: Practically wrote the book on it.
Peterson: Definitely.
Hastings: Actually wrote a book about it.
Peterson: I...uh oh. About what?
Hastings: Dealing with people of his ilk.
Peterson: Which ilk would that be?
Hastings: You know. There was the year I waged war against Killian. Fairly certain I tangled with the Hit Squad a time or two. Stein’s disembodied narrator.
Peterson: Disembodied narrator?
Hastings: I think his name was Felix. Plus, I’m sure I’ll have to deal with Seb at some point, good to be prepared.
Peterson: ...British people?
Hastings: What about them?
Peterson: What did you do…
~
10 Chapters of Baalish Anger
Chapter 1: Slightly Put Out
This is where the anger begins, and it can and will spiral quickly from here. Perhaps a neighbor has parked his car in Baal’s usual spot. Maybe a colleague has taken a favorite pen. There is a suspicion that someone in his cult isn’t pulling their weight when it comes to the tea run. It will only be a relatively minor incident, but it will sow a seed. Once slightly put out, Baal will not rest until vengeance is served. Often when slightly put out, Baal will tut, and that’s when you’ll know that all hell is about to break loose.
Chapter 2: Miffed
You can’t stay slightly put out forever. The state of miffed will quickly follow as the rage has been allowed to ferment. If, say, the situations listed in Chapter 1 weren’t just one-off incidents but have somehow happened again, then the Baal’s blood starts to boil and his body starts to tremble, much like a kettle. At this stage, Baal will start to think about saying something, before trying to quash that idea completely. Eyes will slightly narrow, a plan will be formed and arms may very well become folded.
Chapter 3: Disgruntled
This is the stage where the rising anger begins to become verbalized. Baal may begin to mutter, almost inaudibly, short phrases such as “I don’t know,” “Oh, come on,” and “That’s not on.” When the Baal has become disgruntled, he will want other people to know and, ideally, join in the disgruntlement. Situations that classically lead to this stage include the cancellation of an oft-cancelled train, the arrival of a “sorry we missed you” delivery note despite Baal being home by the door all day, or an unexpected shortage of paralytic drugs.
Chapter 4: Cross
Careful now, things are getting real. Once at the cross stage, the anger is rarely able to be reversed quickly. Once cross, Baal will turn red, become sweaty and start to utter mild swear words. Look very closely and you may even notice a twitching eye or a shaking fist. This is also the stage where the Baal will start to formulate a plan of complaint, seeking out the best person to have a bit of a shout at. He will shake his head, roll his eyes, and for some reason, look at his watch a lot. He will also text a cult member such as Solomon Weightman and somehow blame the situation on them.
Chapter 5: Exasperated
At this stage, Baal might crouch down, put his head in his hands, or even laugh incredulously at the situation. He’ll start bargaining with nobody, and declare the situation to be “bloody typical, just sodding bloody typical,” even if it’s the first time it has happened. The head shake will now be constant and arms will periodically be thrown skywards. Baal may even hold his arms in the air and spin around, as if doing some kind of angry goal celebration, as a warning to nearby cult members to leave him alone.
Chapter 6: Fuming
Baal is now a pressure cooker stuffed full of incandescent fury. Only approach if you have a solution to the problem or are a young and/or naive and nubile girl. Baal may say things such as “I’m just SO angry,” “this is unbelievable,” and “I’m going to send an e-mail.” The fuming stage often occurs at some sort of check-in desk or Consortium member’s office and will result from hearing words such as “overbooked,” “no record of your reservation,” or “you can’t team with <female member of roster> this week.” At this stage the Baal will be hot to the touch and quite clammy, or so the medical staff has remarked.
Chapter 7: Seething
Very similar to fuming, but eerily quieter. Signs to look for are teeth being ground to dust, watery eyes, fists clenched so tightly they could turn coal into diamonds, or a syringe being filled. Also listen for slow, measured breathing through the nose. At this stage, if you prod the Baal, or suggest he should try to calm down just a bit, he will explode into…
Chapter 8: Bloody Livid
“I AM CALM,” the Baal will now scream to the sky, before ripping off his jacket, screwing it into a ball and throwing it into the nearest fire along with stabbing you in the neck. He might wrench the telly off the wall, or randomly start clearing plates of hot food into the bin. He will attempt to slam a door that is designed to always close gently, magnifying the anger. He may also go and sit in the car for no reason, before coming inside again.
Chapter 9: Going Ballistic
The Baal will often misremember this stage, and will report back to family and friends, as the story gets retold every year for the rest of time, that he went “absolutely ballistic.” What will have actually happened is he threw a bit of a hissy fit, refused to move and had to be taken to a side office to calm down as nearby children remarked, “Daddy, why is that man stomping on his phone?”
Chapter 10: Silence
Leave the silent Baal alone. He is a coiled adder, a firework that has not gone off, a snake yet to bite. Do not approach. Leave in a dark room for three to four days and the janitor finds him.
~
Before we begin, Gabriel, I’d like to remind you that you started this.
It was you that “marked” me in your first impactful action as the guest Creative Director, while you hid behind a secret identity like a masked devil. It was an interesting game of the sort you like to play, but it would seem you miscalculated as to precisely who you were messing with. Perhaps you were somehow unaware that I have a bit of a reputation for holding grudges, a consistent history with holding on for an extended and savage back and forth blood feud. You somehow overlooked all this in all your planning and scheming.
Allow me to introduce myself.
I am the person that accomplished everything you could ever hope to accomplish before you even dreamed to set foot here. Before you go about calling me a relic, let me remind you that I’ve also accomplished it since. I am the eternity of UGWC, it’s past, present, and future.
In the past, I was a 5-Time UGWC World Heavyweight Champion, and the first ever. I have headlined Horizons and unified championships. In the present, I continue to be the same force I’ve always been, my recent string of victories over Jet Somers, Roxy Cotton, and Sloane Taylor being in themselves an example of my dominance over the ages of UGWC. The future is clear that when I put you to rest, I’m going back for my championship once again.
Truth is, you have me to thank for your entire career. You’ve managed to make the most of opportunities that I have provided for you. UGWC has endured for ten years because of me, because of my efforts, my successes and achievements, my personal dedication and endurance. You’re welcome. Much more directly, you have me to thank for the fact that you were ever a World Champion at all. I hardly think that there is anyone who believes you could have beaten Eden at WrestleStock all those years ago if it wasn’t for my own actions that night. After all, isn’t that the true reason you always kept her close? Because you doubted your ability to defeat her if you had to?
I imagine you also doubt your ability to defeat me. After all, your years of manipulations and machinations have done a tremendous job of keeping you out of my path. It allowed you opportunities at success, opportunities that you mostly squandered. Time and again, you were your own worst enemy.
The Engine of Chaos were four cogs in a machine, each intended to be part of a unified chain, but the wheels fell off because Gabriel Baal refused to yield his identity and ego to group, unwilling to risk not being special. The Court successfully manipulated events in their favor until Gabriel Baal joined them, and it wasn’t long before their power dissipated.
Contrast that with the impact of the Dungeon of Pain, the influence of the Puppet Masters. Contrast the repeated ways in which I have reinvented and reinvigorated myself time and again, year after year, with the way you have remained one-note and static since the day you debuted, the cult leader masquerading as a shrink that strives to prey on the naive and the weak.
Perhaps you know exactly what you are doing after all. After a year tucked away and forgotten in obscurity and absentia, you returned and targeted an icon, knowing full well that a blood feud with Donovan Hastings will put anyone full frontal in the spotlight of UGWC. It certainly put you back into the realm of opportunity, got you on the ballot at In Your Hands. Another opportunity you squandered.
Let me remind you a final time who I am, because this is Coalescence, this is our anniversary, and you are about to get the conglomeration of the best of all eras of Hastings.
I am the Ripper.
The Lord of Pain. The Immortal. The Inevitable. The 5-Time UGWC World Heavyweight Champion.
And the man who will bring you to your final chapter.
