Post by Travis Pierce on May 2, 2020 15:39:34 GMT -5
We see a darkened set, with silhouettes visible of a table. A voiceover is heard from Rob Cartwright.
Cartwright: Ladies and gentlemen, he is the host of The Piercing Truth, you know his name, the Icon of Entertainment, the King of Charisma, he is...TRAVIS PIERCE!
“You Know My Name” by Chris Cornell begins to play, and the lights come on to show a chair sitting backwards behind the desk. A monitor behind the chair shows the logo for The Piercing Truth. The chair slowly turns around, revealing a grinning Travis Pierce.
Pierce: Welcome to the show! This is where there is no story barred, no truth untold! Welcome...to The Piercing Truth!
Travis gestures to the front of his desk, upon which is mounted the Cross-Hemisphere Title, and winks to the camera.
Pierce: Let us unbar the top stories!
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: Tesla stock plunged recently after Tesla CEO Elon Musk tweeted out that he believed the price was too high. In a related story, sources tell us Sarah Lacklan recently lost the World Title after complaining that being the champion was simply too much fun, and Phrixus Deimos lost the Cross-Hemisphere Title because I kicked his ass.
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: A man was recently charged with lewdness after repeatedly mooning people inside a Walmart and recording it on his phone. In a related story, rumor has it Johnny Bonecrusher has found a new client.
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: A Florida lizard has set the record for the most constipated living animal, raising the question of why records are kept about such things. Apparently it was determined after Mouthfuls of insects, an anole and greasy sand congealed into an unpassable glob of poop nearly 80% of the animal’s total body mass – the largest known feces-to-body-mass ratio recorded in a living animal. The largest vomit on record still belongs to Konrad Raab.
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: Ultra-rare footage captured by PBS by a robot spy gorilla was believed to show giant apes singing and farting, but it turned out to just be Hide Yamazaki.
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: After a four year search, a restaurant owner has been joyfully reunited with a beloved giant tomato. The oversized decorative tomato had been stolen from an Ontario restaurant, but after a runner saw it sitting in the middle of the park, it was restored to its rightful place. Said the owner, "It was pampered. It was loved by many and there are a lot of people who are rejoicing this week." Also rejoicing this week is Alex Kiseragi, who gets to be relevant, but considering that the Cross-Hemisphere Title was recently restored to Travis Pierce after too long an absence, I don’t see it going anywhere anytime soon.
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: And now we go to a very special report from the front lines, with investigative journalist extraordinaire Travis Pierce!
Cut to what appears to be footage from a handheld camera, with Travis looking directly into the lens.
Pierce: This is Travis Pierce, reporting LIVE! from a pre-taped segment. We are right in the heart of the beast, Travis. It couldn’t be more dangerous, we’ve taken our lives in our very hands here!
Studio Travis can be heard talking over the footage.
Pierce: It’s hard to make out what is going on there, Travis. You appear to be deep into some kind of underbrush?
Pierce: The bushes, actually. We’ve taken a page out of the Deimos playbook on this one, but you know, when it’s not broke, you don’t fix it.
Pierce: Of course, of course. I realize you have to be careful not to wake the mighty beast, but tell us as covertly as you can, how do you intend to infiltrate and capture the Dragon’s prize?
Pierce: That’s the thing, Travis. We are so efficient, we’ve already done it!
Pierce: Amazing!
Pierce: Yes, here it is…
The camera pans to reveal what appears to be a squirming giant potato sack.
Pierce: Um…
The camera pans back to reporter Travis, beaming with pride.
Pierce: As for the methodology, it was simple, really. This one works the corner across the street from the Dragon’s abode, so we simply waited until she left in the middle of the night, all disoriented and disappointed, crept up behind, and bam!
Pierce: Um, Travis…
A muffled voice can be heard from the bag, and Travis taps it.
Pierce: Hush.
Pierce: Travis!
Pierce: What?!
Pierce: You were supposed to show us how to steal the Dragon’s HORDE...
Reporter Travis’ mouth hangs open for a moment, and he glances at the squirming bag.
Pierce: Well…this is awkward…
Pierce: Quite a pickle you’ve got there.
Pierce: Not really, just need to find someplace credible to stick it, like Zane’s basement.
Pierce: Best of luck with that!
Cut back to Travis in the studio.
Pierce: We’ll be tipping off the authorities to check Zane Scott’s basement, in the meantime there is one factoid to come out of that little demonstration that certainly holds true, namely that the Dragon’s horde, his true prize, is already in my possession.
Travis gestures to the Cross-Hemisphere Championship, mounted on his desk.
Pierce: Sure, Alex, you might have some personal possession that you value dearly, but “The Dragon” is not Alex Kiseragi, the person. “The Dragon” is Alex Kiseragi, the in-ring performer, has one accomplishment that stands above all his others. Sure, you were the Heavyweight Champ of a pissant company that was around for a few years before UGWC. I don’t think anybody would bother even pretending it was even a fraction as prestigious as UGWC has become, which means the crown jewel of your career sits here with me. How did I accomplish this? Everybody saw me do it, by beating the face of the division square in the center of the ring.
Travis has a smug grin on his face.
Pierce: So I have already taken your most impressive physical possession. At No Holds Barred, I’ll take the rest. Your pride, your dignity, your self-respect. On Synergy you told me you were scared of what I was going to make you do. And you should be. Me? I’ve already beaten Fear. But you let yours control you, don’t you? That’s why you already ran away from one title match, years ago. It remains to be seen if you show up for this one. Or maybe you have another mask to hide behind?
Travis leans back in his chair.
Pierce: I know what I’m getting into, after all, I’ve done this with you before. It shocks you that I would want to do it again, and it scares you. Again, it should. Why do I want to once again tape that glass to my hands, feel that heat outside the ring? What do I know that you don’t?
Travis leans forward, and beckons the camera to zoom in on his face, before he audibly whispers.
Piece: Everything.
Travis grins and sits back again as the camera slowly pulls back.
Pierce: I have evolved since our last encounter, accomplished things you never could. For you, the Dragon’s Cave was the worst match you were ever in. For me, it was...a match I was in. Since then, I’ve faced Maniacal Multiple Massacre (against Tyvola, no less), the Bushfire, even Hell in a Cell, not to mention Blood, Pride, Death. I won a Battleground Match. I’m a 4-Time Chaos Champion. What you consider brutality, I consider a day at the office. The Travis Pierce you beat ten years ago hadn’t done all those things. I have. So how do I enter the Dragon’s Cave and take all of that which you value? It’s simple. I do something you’ve never been able to do. I endure. I’ll see you Monday, Alex, and remember...it’s not my fault that the truth...hurts.
Travis winks to the camera as we fade out.
Cartwright: Ladies and gentlemen, he is the host of The Piercing Truth, you know his name, the Icon of Entertainment, the King of Charisma, he is...TRAVIS PIERCE!
“You Know My Name” by Chris Cornell begins to play, and the lights come on to show a chair sitting backwards behind the desk. A monitor behind the chair shows the logo for The Piercing Truth. The chair slowly turns around, revealing a grinning Travis Pierce.
Pierce: Welcome to the show! This is where there is no story barred, no truth untold! Welcome...to The Piercing Truth!
Travis gestures to the front of his desk, upon which is mounted the Cross-Hemisphere Title, and winks to the camera.
Pierce: Let us unbar the top stories!
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: Tesla stock plunged recently after Tesla CEO Elon Musk tweeted out that he believed the price was too high. In a related story, sources tell us Sarah Lacklan recently lost the World Title after complaining that being the champion was simply too much fun, and Phrixus Deimos lost the Cross-Hemisphere Title because I kicked his ass.
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: A man was recently charged with lewdness after repeatedly mooning people inside a Walmart and recording it on his phone. In a related story, rumor has it Johnny Bonecrusher has found a new client.
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: A Florida lizard has set the record for the most constipated living animal, raising the question of why records are kept about such things. Apparently it was determined after Mouthfuls of insects, an anole and greasy sand congealed into an unpassable glob of poop nearly 80% of the animal’s total body mass – the largest known feces-to-body-mass ratio recorded in a living animal. The largest vomit on record still belongs to Konrad Raab.
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: Ultra-rare footage captured by PBS by a robot spy gorilla was believed to show giant apes singing and farting, but it turned out to just be Hide Yamazaki.
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: After a four year search, a restaurant owner has been joyfully reunited with a beloved giant tomato. The oversized decorative tomato had been stolen from an Ontario restaurant, but after a runner saw it sitting in the middle of the park, it was restored to its rightful place. Said the owner, "It was pampered. It was loved by many and there are a lot of people who are rejoicing this week." Also rejoicing this week is Alex Kiseragi, who gets to be relevant, but considering that the Cross-Hemisphere Title was recently restored to Travis Pierce after too long an absence, I don’t see it going anywhere anytime soon.
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: And now we go to a very special report from the front lines, with investigative journalist extraordinaire Travis Pierce!
Cut to what appears to be footage from a handheld camera, with Travis looking directly into the lens.
Pierce: This is Travis Pierce, reporting LIVE! from a pre-taped segment. We are right in the heart of the beast, Travis. It couldn’t be more dangerous, we’ve taken our lives in our very hands here!
Studio Travis can be heard talking over the footage.
Pierce: It’s hard to make out what is going on there, Travis. You appear to be deep into some kind of underbrush?
Pierce: The bushes, actually. We’ve taken a page out of the Deimos playbook on this one, but you know, when it’s not broke, you don’t fix it.
Pierce: Of course, of course. I realize you have to be careful not to wake the mighty beast, but tell us as covertly as you can, how do you intend to infiltrate and capture the Dragon’s prize?
Pierce: That’s the thing, Travis. We are so efficient, we’ve already done it!
Pierce: Amazing!
Pierce: Yes, here it is…
The camera pans to reveal what appears to be a squirming giant potato sack.
Pierce: Um…
The camera pans back to reporter Travis, beaming with pride.
Pierce: As for the methodology, it was simple, really. This one works the corner across the street from the Dragon’s abode, so we simply waited until she left in the middle of the night, all disoriented and disappointed, crept up behind, and bam!
Pierce: Um, Travis…
A muffled voice can be heard from the bag, and Travis taps it.
Pierce: Hush.
Pierce: Travis!
Pierce: What?!
Pierce: You were supposed to show us how to steal the Dragon’s HORDE...
Reporter Travis’ mouth hangs open for a moment, and he glances at the squirming bag.
Pierce: Well…this is awkward…
Pierce: Quite a pickle you’ve got there.
Pierce: Not really, just need to find someplace credible to stick it, like Zane’s basement.
Pierce: Best of luck with that!
Cut back to Travis in the studio.
Pierce: We’ll be tipping off the authorities to check Zane Scott’s basement, in the meantime there is one factoid to come out of that little demonstration that certainly holds true, namely that the Dragon’s horde, his true prize, is already in my possession.
Travis gestures to the Cross-Hemisphere Championship, mounted on his desk.
Pierce: Sure, Alex, you might have some personal possession that you value dearly, but “The Dragon” is not Alex Kiseragi, the person. “The Dragon” is Alex Kiseragi, the in-ring performer, has one accomplishment that stands above all his others. Sure, you were the Heavyweight Champ of a pissant company that was around for a few years before UGWC. I don’t think anybody would bother even pretending it was even a fraction as prestigious as UGWC has become, which means the crown jewel of your career sits here with me. How did I accomplish this? Everybody saw me do it, by beating the face of the division square in the center of the ring.
Travis has a smug grin on his face.
Pierce: So I have already taken your most impressive physical possession. At No Holds Barred, I’ll take the rest. Your pride, your dignity, your self-respect. On Synergy you told me you were scared of what I was going to make you do. And you should be. Me? I’ve already beaten Fear. But you let yours control you, don’t you? That’s why you already ran away from one title match, years ago. It remains to be seen if you show up for this one. Or maybe you have another mask to hide behind?
Travis leans back in his chair.
Pierce: I know what I’m getting into, after all, I’ve done this with you before. It shocks you that I would want to do it again, and it scares you. Again, it should. Why do I want to once again tape that glass to my hands, feel that heat outside the ring? What do I know that you don’t?
Travis leans forward, and beckons the camera to zoom in on his face, before he audibly whispers.
Piece: Everything.
Travis grins and sits back again as the camera slowly pulls back.
Pierce: I have evolved since our last encounter, accomplished things you never could. For you, the Dragon’s Cave was the worst match you were ever in. For me, it was...a match I was in. Since then, I’ve faced Maniacal Multiple Massacre (against Tyvola, no less), the Bushfire, even Hell in a Cell, not to mention Blood, Pride, Death. I won a Battleground Match. I’m a 4-Time Chaos Champion. What you consider brutality, I consider a day at the office. The Travis Pierce you beat ten years ago hadn’t done all those things. I have. So how do I enter the Dragon’s Cave and take all of that which you value? It’s simple. I do something you’ve never been able to do. I endure. I’ll see you Monday, Alex, and remember...it’s not my fault that the truth...hurts.
Travis winks to the camera as we fade out.
x2
