Sentinel 15/11/08

[Lord Hastings]

"Iron Man" by Black Sabbath begins to blare out of the arena and after awhile, the lights go out. Several spotlights scan the arena. The spotlight finds Peace as he runs like lightning through the crowd. A fan steps in his way as Peace just runs right through him, knocking him down. Peace stops and turns around and looks at the guy, but the fans are going crazy, so he smiles and continues on running. He leaps over the barrier and slides into the ring. He then hops onto the turn buckle and soaks in the crowd cheers.

Vinegar: What are you doing?

Hanson: Playin' my Nintendo DS

Vinegar: Why?

Hanson: Can't a nigga take care of his Nintendog!? I CALL RACISM!

Vinegar: Okay...

Hanson: Sit Fluffy, sit! No, not lay down...sit. I SAID SIT!

He throws the DS on the ground.

Hanson: After all the nurturing I did, she decides to disobey me...

Vinegar: It's the sad circle of life, Danny boy.

Hanson: O.O

Dennis: Introducing first, from Pittsburgh, Philadelphia. Weighing in tonight at one hundred seventy pounds... EZEEEEEEKIELLLLLLL "PEACE" PAAAAAAAAAA-


Dennis is interrupted by "Shackler's Revenge" by Guns N' Roses. A massive boom is heard and accompanied by red, white, and blue fireworks. The crowd is expecting Chip to make his entrance...but the person who comes out is none other than...


Marlo the Beautiful: Well here I am again... After two consecutive weeks of capturing some of the top stars in this company-

Marlo is cut off by "Veangeance is Mine" by Alice Cooper. Peace is just chuckling in the ring.

Hanson: Oh please...don't do this to me Lord...you've already caused my pixelized best friend do disobey me...

Vinegar: I guess Cyanide is coming to say hi...

Sean Cyanide steps behind Marlo, and spins him around and nails the Shot of Cyanide right onto the stage.

Hanson: Ok, that was cool.

Cyanide smirks as he makes his way down to the ring. He slides into the ring and is looking like he's preparing for a fight.

Vinegar: Um...it looks like Cyanide is preparing for a fight...

Hanson: Where have I heard that before...?

Vinegar: Fluffy.

Hanson: WHYYYYYYYYYYYY!?

Hazel East, looking confused, decides to ring the bell. The bell rings.

Vinegar: I guess we finally have a match on our hands.

Hanson: Why Fluffy...why?

Vinegar: And Pax and Cyanide tie up with a beautiful collar-elbow tie up. Pax gets the advantage and spins behind Cyanide an throws his leg between Cyanide's and delivers a Russian leg sweep.

Hanson: Nice move, I suppose.

Vinegar: The crowd is going nuts as Pax begins to stomp away at Cyanide...is Cyanide's face melting?

Hanson: Hey... I think so...

Pax, noticing Cyanide's face, grabs it. He starts to rip his face off.

Hanson: They made Saw six already? They seriously need to...OH MY GOD IT'S A CANADIAN!

Vinegar: Well that's...different.

Pax holds up the "face" and we see what looks to be a Canadian with maple syrup plastered all over his face.

Hanson: SOMEONE, GET SOMEONE ON THE PHONE WHO CAN RAISE HITLER FROM THE DEAD! WE NEED HIM TO ERADICATE THIS VERMIN!

Canadian guy: CANUCK SMASH!

The Canadian kips up and runs the ropes. He dashes at Pax full speed and...

Vinegar: HIGH BEAM! HIGH BEAM! HIGH BEAM! HIGH BEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAM!!!!!!!! HE NEARLY BROKE THE CANADIAN IN HALF WITH THAT VICIOUS SPEAR!

Hanson: Clean up, aisle three.

Vinegar: PAX GOES FOR THE PIN!

East: 1.......2...........3!!!!!!!

*DING DING*

Vinegar: AND PAX WINS THE MATCH!

Hanson: Phew, I'm glad that the polar bear lover was whipped. We could have had a major crisis on our hands. Worse than the economic crisis, global warming, and terrorism combined! Filthy Canadians...YOUR BACON ISN'T EVEN CANADIAN!

Vinegar: Sick burn. Wait... the Canadian's face is peeling too...

Pax rips his face off, but the camera doesn't show who it is...

Vinegar: I wonder who it really is...

Hanson: WHO IS IT, WHO IS IT, WHO IS IT?

The camera finally shows who it is...

Hanson: Oh, it's just Ricker.

Vinegar: Sigh.

Hanson: Co-signed.

The camera now cuts to the backstage area, where Jack Severino can be seen gruffly heading to the entrance stage for his upcoming match. However, he is stopped by a familiar face. That of Sean Cyanide (the real one, I mean). The Diamond In The Rough stares down The Mad Hatter Of Violence, who has a sly grin on his face.

Cyanide: You’ve got a match next, I hear. Lets hope Marlo shows up again, because we all know having that cross gendered freak show and it’s 167 pound ass taking out your opponents before the match is the only way you could pick up a win.

Severino’s face remains cold and emotionless, before, with lightning speed, he cocks his fist back as if about to swing. Cyanide doesn’t so much as flinch.

Severino: You’re lucky I’ve got a match to get to…

With that, DJS brushes past Cyanide and continues heading to the arena area.

[Lord Hastings]

Dennis: The Next Match is scheduled for one fall, and is a triple threat match.

“Rooster” starts to play across the arena.

Dennis: Introducing first, from Memphis, NY, the Stud Rooster, Mikey B. Badd!!!

Mikey stumbles through the curtains with his arms stretched out in front of him, he walks slowly down the ramp, before making a bee line to the guard rail which he grabs hold of and uses to drag himself towards the ring, whilst avoiding the fans who attempt to grab hold of him.

Vinegar: oh please! Is he still making out Aragato blinded him last week?

Hanson: Do you have any idea what is in that Scourge? I hear it’s had Mikey hallucinating conversations with Declan Prescott all week...

Vinegar: Remember when we thought a person was on a trip if they had a conversation with a penguin...

Hanson: How things have changed...

“Divine”

Dennis: Introducing next, from Manhattan, NY, The Monster, Dredd!!!

Hanson: it’s rare to see Dredd face anyone outside of War and Peace, and I gotta say he hasn’t slowed since he debuted here.

Vinegar: he’s certainly been impressive, but I wonder if he hasn’t gotten a little complacent. Sure he’s a big, dominant brute, and although he says he is a master in many different martial arts, we rarely see anything but brutal street fighting. It’s worked well for him thus far, but I imagine it’s only a matter of time till someone fell’s the giant...

Hanson: like who? Ezekial Pax? Marek Daisuke? Andy Savana?...This guy can dominate the company, I’m sure many would rather steer clear of him...

“Diamond in the Rough”

Dennis: And finally, from Christchurch, New Zealand, Diamond Jack Severino!!!

DJS appears alone, as he has become accustomed to, on the ramp back to the ring, arms spread wide, he spins round , arms spread towards the ceiling, more information can be found in Diamond Jack Severino’s Profile page...

Vinegar: I may have to go and have a look...

Hanson: yeah, it’s real detailed, you should check out his Wiki page...he’s had an active career in the FWA...

Vinegar: What’s the FWA...

Hanson: No idea...

Vinegar: Well Diamond Jack is heading out here for a real challenge tonight, last week he completely annihilated Marlo in our opening match, after The Worlds Worst Supervillain claimed to have captured his opponents.

Hanson: You know Nicholas, I know he and Gabby seem to be having a difficult time, but it seems to be bringing the best out of Jack in the ring....if he wants to win The Global Title in the future, maybe I could give him a helping hand by screwing Gabby...

Vinegar: Not sure how much good that would do you...As DJS climbs into the ring, Mikey B. Badd is clutching to Owen Peterson, claiming his eyesight is compromised, but Peterson is having none of it...

Hanson: yet another example of Petersons complete lack of regard for those he officiates, he’d let a blind man in the same ring as Dredd and Severino, he’s gonna cost this company a fortune in lawsuits one day...

‘DING’

Vinegar: Well he’s called for the bell despite Mikey B. Badd’s complaining, and Dredd runs towards Badd...who sidesteps and manages to connect with a DDT! I see that blindness is only temporary, but regardless Diamond Jack get’s in behind the Stud Rooster and takes him down with a quick Firemans Carry, and then stomps away of The Roosters vulnerable elbow...

Hanson: But Dredd is getting to his feet, a fact that seems to have gone unnoticed by Diamond Jack, who finds himself swiftly lifted a few feet in the air and driven into the canvas by a powerful full nelson slam. Dredd turns his attention to Mikey B. Badd who is clutching his elbow, and he drags The Rooster to his feet, whips him against the ropes, and levels him with an almighty big boot...

Vinegar: Diamond Jack gets back to his feet, Dredd though catches sight in the corner of his eye and turns around locking up with DJS, Dredd then raises his knee hard into Diamond Jacks midsection, and then lifts him effortlessly above his head, and slams him to the ground with a brutal Powerbomb....

Hanson: Dredd turns back to Mikey B. Badd, who is back on his feet, and The Rooster raises his hands, and pokes The Monster in the eye...

Vinegar: A cheap shot, but nonetheless it has bought The Rooster some time, and he hits a gutwrench suplex on The Monster. The Rooster then turns, and grabs the rising DJS and hits a short arm clothsline, followed by a driving an elbow into The Diamond One’s forehead...

Hanson: Dredd looks furious, and he gets to his feet, and heads towards Badd, who tries to fend him off with a right hand, and then a left, but Dredd just comes straight for him, not being impeded, and then he just lifts Mikey B Badd, straight above his head, and the Gorilla Presses Mikey B. Badd to the outside...

Vinegar: An incredible display of strength there by Dredd, he turns and looms over Diamond Jack, but jack grabs his legs, and wraps up the Monster in a cradle pin....1....2....NO! Dredd breaks out of the pin, and rolls onto his feet, his face is a picture of rage....

Hanson: And he’s about to take that rage out on DJS, who gets to his feet, only to be grabbed by Dredd and launched into the turnbuckle, Dredd then follows throwing his entire frame onto DJS, who now slumps onto the floor...

Vinegar: Dredd drags him back onto his feet, and he’s signalling for the concrete piledriver....

Hanson: But The Rooster is back in the ring, Dredd doesn’t see him come from behind....COCK OF THE WALK!!! He holds the bridge for the pin....1....2....NO!

Vinegar: DJS breaks the pinfall attempt, but Mikey B Badd is on a roll and he whips DJS into the turnbuckle...and now the Rooster charges...

Hanson: But DJS see’s this one coming, and sidesteps, and Mikey B Badd runs directly into the turn buckle...DJS then drives his face into the floor with a floating bulldog...and then springs to the top rope...ONE CALCULATED SHOT ONTO THE ROOSTER....AND THE COVER....1....2....3!!!

Vinegar: And Dredd comes in and breaks the counts just a second too late...

Dennis: here is your winnder, via Pinfall....DIIIIIAMOND JAAAAACK SEVERIIIIIIIINOOOOOOO!!!

Vinegar: That match could really have gone either way...

Hanson: Yo Momma etc...

[Lord Hastings]

Bullet with Butterfly Wings starts to play and Andy Savana walks out to complete silence from the crowd who don’t seem to give a shit either way.

Vinegar: It’s time for our second Triple Threat match of the night and frankly partner, you can’t fancy this guys chances can you.

Hanson: You really can’t but you do have to wonder if actually thinks so.

Savana makes his way down to the ring and jumps up onto the apron. He goes to climb through the ropes but trips, the top and middle rope twisting around his foot, holding it in the air as he falls flat on his face. The impact finally grabs Mitchell Dennis’s attention and he turns around, raising the microphone.

Dennis: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is a triple threat match. Introducing first, hanging upside down from the ring ropes, from Houston, Texas, Andy Savanaaaaaa!!!

Dennis gestures grandiosely at Savana flapping around the on the floor trying to free his leg as his music cuts out, replaced by Vengeance is Mine and Sean Cyanide walks out. A single cheap firework goes off and pops anti-climatically as he makes his way down to the ring with his book.

Dennis: And the opponent, from Sacramento California, weighing in at 223lbs, Sean Cyaniiiiiiiide!!!

Cyanide climbs the ring steps and ducks down through the gap in the ropes Savana’s still entangled leg has created, walks across the ring and climbs the turnbuckle, yelling random crap no-one seems to care about. Finally his music cuts out too to be replaced by the intro to Castlevania’s Symphony of the Night (apparently) and Solomon walks out accompanied by his torch bearing monks.

Dennis: And finally, making his way to the ring from Rome, Italy, weighing in at 165lbs, The Revelation, Solomoooooon!!!

Solomon and his monks reach the edge of the ring and Solomon removes his robe. One of the other monks takes it and they head to the back as Solomon slides into the ring.

Hanson: Oh, eww…

Vinegar: What?

Hanson: Look I get the whole Jesus look but seriously, could he wear some shorts under that loincloth? There are children here.
Vinegar: Oh thanks partner, I’d never noticed that before and now I’m going to keep being reminded of Solomon’s doodle flapping about all match.

Hanson: Hey, is that Kiseragi at the top of the ramp?

Vinegar: There’s no-one there, cut the gay jokes. Looks like Solomon is trying to help Savana out of his tangle but Cyanide’s having none of it and nails him with a clothesline to the back.

Hanson: Oh god, I feel like the short bus just rolled up and it’s inhabitants are fighting over who gets to sit with the driver on the trip home.

Vinegar: Viewers I apologise for my partners remarks. Cyanide with a couple of right hands and an Irish whip, countered by Solomon. Cyanide ducks a clothesline attempt on the rebound and hit a low dropkick to Savana’s face.

Hanson: I can’t believe that guys still stuck there. What a retard. Sorry, you gonna apologise for that too?

Vinegar: Nope, that ones fair enough. Solomon rushes Cyanide into the corner as he gets to his feet and they lock up. Glenn Burke having to step in the break them up and Cyanide with a kick to the gut.

Hanson: You know it’s weird but I almost feel myself supporting zombie boy in this one.

Vinegar: Really? How unfortunate for him. Sunset Flip out of the corner, shoulders down.

1!

Vinegar: Easy kick out by Solomon.

Hanson: Haha, Glenn Burke seems to have taken pity on Savana and he’s helping him get his foot free.

Vinegar: Savana finally free and just managed to crotch himself over the bottom rope doing so. He just fell out to the floor. Meanwhile Cyanide hit’s a side belly to belly suplex in the middle of the ring. Headed up to the top rope now.

Hanson: Way to early for that, what a idiot.

Vinegar: Indeed, Solomon shakes the ropes and down comes Sean Cyanide. Solomon’s got him up now and slammed his head into the turnbuckle, following it up with some right hands.

Hanson: Oh that foul, I can see Solomon ‘enjoying’ this. Have you got any soap I need to scrub my eyes.

Vinegar: Solomon setting his opponent back up on the top rope, could be looking for that frankensteiner. No, Cyanide fights him off and shoves him back down to the mat.

Hanson: I think Savana’s managed to get up again, he’s on the apron.

Vinegar: He was going for Cyanide but the self proclaimed God of GIW just back hand slapped him and Savana goes back to floor. Turning his attention back, double axe handle attempt. Great counter by Solomon with the dropkick and a cover attempt.

1!

2!

Vinegar: Kick out by Cyanide but the momentum back with Solomon who follows up with a couple of stomps. Gets him back to his feet, whip off the ropes. Cyanide ducks a clothesline and comes back with a shoulder block by Solomon’s going nowhere.

Hanson: Wow, Cyanides really that weak?

Vinegar: Apparently, or Solomon’s stronger then he looks. Cyanide going back to the well and second time, off the ropes, shoulder block but nothing going. Third time lucky---no Solomon hit’s the shoulder block this time and Cyanide hit’s the mat.

Hanson: Savana back in now, running at Solomon who just throws him straight over the top rope the other side.

Vinegar: Cyanide with a quick roll up.

1!

2!

Vinegar: Oh I thought he was about to steal it. Watch out for Savana again, up on the apron, springboard---no, he managed to fuck that up to and just fell on his face again.

Hanson: Words fail me.

Vinegar: Cyanide hasn’t even noticed what happened as he’s gone after Solomon again. Drags the monk back to his feet, DDT! Pin attempt.

1!

2!

Vinegar: No, kick out by Solomon. Savana getting back up-

Hanson: Oh I can’t believe it, he’s actually managed to bust himself open. That’s reaching new levels of idiocy.

Vinegar: Savana looks like he’s been through a brutal hardcore match yet is still to make any kind of impact on this contest. He’s staggering around as Cyanide just stomped Solomon out under the bottom rope. Running back, building some momentum, big baseball slide propels the Revelation into the crowd barrier.

Hanson: Ok, I think Savana just passed out from his self inflicted blood loss, he just collapsed on the mat.

Vinegar: Cyanide happy to take advantage, just pulled him back up. Reverse suplex position. Shot of Cyanide! I don’t see Savana getting up.

Hanson: Me neither.

1!

2!

3!

Ding! Ding!

Vinegar: Didn’t think so. This ones over.

Dennis: Here is your winner, Sean Cyanide!

Vinegar: He must be happy with that win.

Hanson: He probably is, even though Skinny could have one that match, idiots like Cyanide have got to take what they can get.

Vinegar: Wait a minute, that Diamond Jack Severino heading down to the ring and he doesn’t look happy.

Hanson: Who cares, he didn’t bring Gabrielle with him.

Vinegar: Seems he has some things he wants to talk, or should I say yell at Cyanide about. Cyanide doesn’t seem to have taken kindly to whatever it was and just slapped DJS.
Hanson: Oh that wasn’t clever…

Vinegar: Rise of Brutality! He just crushed Cyanide.

: WHOA THERE MUTHERFUCKA’S!

Hanson: Oh this is all we need.

Vinegar: I’d mind what you say, GIW’s enforcer is here and he doesn’t sound happy.

Boss P: HEY BIG NIGGA, WHAT YOU DOING HERE? THIS AIN’T YOUR MATCH MUTHERFUCKA!

Hanson: I don’t think Diamond Jack took too kindly to that.

Vinegar: I’d like to see what he’s going to do about it.

Boss P: BUT YA KNOW, IT’S PRETTY FUNNY WATCHING YOUR CRACKA ASS’S BUSTIN’ ON EACH OTHER! SO THAT GAVE ME ONE GANGSTA MUTHERFUCKA OF AN IDEA! NONE OF YOU NIGGA’S HAVE GOT A MATCH FOR HORIZONS. IT’S GONNA BE LIKE THIS, THE NIGGA WITH THE HOT ASS HO, THE JESUS NIGGA, THE DEAD NIGGA AND HELL LET’S EVEN THROW IN THE UNCONSCIOUS WINDOW LICKING NIGGA THERE TOO, YOU MUTHERFUCKA’S ARE GONNA BE WHAT I CALL THE BOSS P ON A POLE, MONEY IN THE BANK MATCH. CHECK THAT MUTHERFUCKIN’ SHIT NIGGA’S!!!

Vinegar: Boss P on a Pole, Money in the Bank? I don’t know what the hell that is but the match is set for Horizons, it’s going to be Jack Severino, Sean Cyanide, Solomon and Andy Savana.

[Lord Hastings]

We open up backstage and see the usual on-goings of make-up people here and there, a few sound techs lulling around, etc. Then we see the massive frame of War & Peace's manager Xavier Bryan come into frame and he walks out of the catering area holding a bottle of water and an apple. He takes a bite of the aforementioned fruit and turns back towards the door.

Xavier: Hey, Pablo, this is good stuff. Keep it fresh, dude.

Xavier looks the usual part. Red eyes, big smile. But said smile fades as he turns the corner and nearly runs into his old 'friend', Raenius. The smile darkens and distorts on Xavier's face, morphing into a look of unadulterated anger.

Xavier: What the fuck are you doing here, freak?

Raenius’ cold, blank Kabuki glare stares holes through Xavier.

Raenius: Well, fuck. Is that any way to greet an old friend? If it were up to me, I’d give you a hearty handshake… but I just took a piss and I didn’t wash my hands.

Xavier: Just tell me why the fuck you’re here!

The Resident Evil takes a step back and puts his hand to his chest in an overly theatrical display of insult.

Raenius: …I work here? Poor little X. Thinking everything’s always about him.

Xavier: Fuck you!

Raenius: So adversarial… so angry! You would nearly think that you believed I was here to take something from you…

Xavier: Like you took my career, you sick fuck?

Raenius: Oh fucking please, you whining faggot. You’re not wheeling yourself around in a fucking wheelchair. You’re not on fucking crutches. You’re not sucking all your meals through a fucking straw.

Xavier: You will be if you keep this bullshit up.

Raenius: Tough fucking talk. And, unfortunately for you, it’s all you’re capable of these days. What with being such an obvious fucking cripple and everything. Tell you what, though. You ever remember where you stashed your bollocks, you know where to find me.

Raenius proceeds to walk over, head held high. Xavier screams out in frustration, knocks over some sound equipment and then disappears from the shot. And the shot opens back up in the arena.

Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen the following contest is a Peterson Sucks… what the hell? Fuck it I got a penguin as a boss.

Hanson: Whoa, he can’t be dis’in Boss P like that!

Vinegar: Sounds like Mitchell almost wants to swim with the fishes after the last few weeks of introductions.

Hanson: Oh, I see what you did there. Not funny.

Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen the following is a Peterson Sucks inter gender tag match. Introducing first standing five foot four inches and weighting in at 120 pounds… This is Chassie Lynn Fear!

The lights go out as red and white strobe lights begin in sync with the beat of ‘Cyanide Sweet Tooth Suicide’ by Shinedown. After a few seconds Chassie marches onto the stage and takes a focused scan of the fans as they begin cheering. As soon as the lyrics kick in she sprints to the ring, leaps to the apron, and flips over the top rope running to the furthest turnbuckle.

Vinegar: Here’s a young lady that I think has an extremely bright future ahead of her.

Hanson: Young? Her daughters young, and hot. This old woman’s, well old.

Chass is done encouraging the fans, confidently hops off the second turnbuckle, turning in the air, and lands right in front of a sinister grinning Mickey Dragon. She doesn’t so much as flinch at the sight.

Vinegar: Where’d he come from?

Hanson: Probably yo mommas house with the rest of the roster. Besides, who cares? I’d rather have psychopath as a partner than a lunatic.

Vinegar: I can only dream.

Dennis: Where the hell? Fuck it I got a penguin as a boss. Folks apparently already in the ring her tag team partner standing, fuck it, it’s Mickey Dragon. There he is, Mickey Dragon folks.

Vinegar:…

Hanson:…

Vinegar: Should someone tell Dennis he doesn’t have to pause if the wrestler is in the ring?

Hanson: Did he fall asleep?

Vinegar: What’s he waiting for?

Mitchell looks at Nick and Daniel as if waiting for something. When he sees them mostly quiet he shrugs his shoulders, and turns his attention back to his queue cards.

Dennis: And their opponents, introducing first standing six foot two inches weighting in at 230 pounds, this is… Donovan Hastings!

‘Immortal’ by Adema hits the PA system as Hastings struts out from behind the curtain. He stands at the top of the entrance ramp extending his arms and looking to the heavens as Calypso slithers out behind him. Together she leads him to the ring as the fans give there customary GIW mixed reaction.

Vinegar: And this ought to be interesting.

Hanson: Interesting? I think that ditzy little freak Calypso doesn’t understand if Hastings throws the match Gabrielle loses.

Vinegar: What? I think that was the point.

Hanson: Oh screw you with yo mommas point. Gabby is a hero, and deserves nothing but the best!

Vinegar: Like you?

Hanson: Yeah, I wish… I mean exactly!

Dennis: And his tag team partner standing five foot six inches weighting 130 pounds, she is the GIW Womens Champion, this is… Gabrielle Maddison Montgomery!

‘Envy’ by KHZ opens and more than not the fans stand and cheer the Diamond Princess as she makes her way to the stage wearing an extravagant robe. Her face long, her eyes puffy, but a stunning image none the less. She slowly makes her way to the ring as the gold and purple arena lights show the way.

Hanson: A hero I tell you, and you know I’ve spent a lot of time with Gabby over this week. A LOT of time if you get my drift.

Vinegar: You didn’t?

Hanson: Oh not that a gentlemen kisses and tells the world, but if there was a video camera in her hotel room or the hospital room or the… well it’d make Pam and Tommy Lee look like a couple of hep C freaks.

Vinegar: I don’t believe you.

Hanson: Would I lie?

Vinegar: Yes! And it looks like Hazel East is discussing with Dennis about something.

Hanson: And just like that boob Mitchell is shaking his head because he doesn’t know the answer. How much you wanna bet the question was what’s two plus two.

Clearly the camera picks up the ‘make something up’ motion of Mitchell’s mouth as Hazel shakes her head and calls for the bell.

Vinegar: And there’s the bell. It looks like it’s Hastings and Fear starting the match.

Hanson: Damn right! Ms. Gabby is too precious to be in that ring, again, with that troll!

Vinegar: Donovan seems distracted though as Calypso is shouting at him.

Hanson: Cover your ears, VODOO curse!

Vinegar: What are you talking about… Donovan’s laying down!

Hanson: What the hell! That little fwhoom bitch is gonna cost my princess!

Vinegar: I don’t know. Fear looks a bit concerned. I don’t think she knows how to take this, but she doesn’t look happy.

Hanson: Damnit, Gabby get in there! That goblin Chassie is going for the cover!

East: 1,2, ¾

Vinegar: Hastings kicks out of a dive?

Hanson: Fast count, did you see that?

Vinegar: I guess that’s what a Peterson Sucks match is.

Hanson: I don’t even think the Caramel Skinned Sexpot could have saved him if he didn’t kick out.

Vinegar: Well now Gabrielle and Calypso are exchanging words on the outside, I don’t think she took to kindly to Calypso almost costing her that loss.

Hanson: And shouldn’t!

Vinegar: Now Hastings back up and he’s shouting at Hazel about the fast count.

Hanson: This isn’t even funny! That gorgeous goddess has a horrible week, and now two hobbits and a moron are going to make it worse!

Vinegar: Well Chassie and Hastings look about ready to tie up, and Donovan drops to his back again!

Hanson: NO here’s the cover.

East: 1,2, 2/3 …

Hanson: Oh thank god, Gabby with the save!

Vinegar: Yeah, but now Donovan isn’t even getting up!

Hanson: What the hell kind of match is this? Chassie Fear’s now yelling at East, Hastings’ is taking a nap I think, Dragon’s playing with his beard, and somehow that swamp hag at ringside thinks she can talks to my Perfect Beauty!

Vinegar: Well I think Hazel’s done explaining to The Dark Rose, and Chassie is looking for another pin attempt.

Hanson: What the fuck! Calypso just yanked Gabby off the apron, and the two of them are fighting on the outside! Hold me back Vinegar!

Vinegar: East now trying to restore order, but I don’t think words are going to do the trick…

Hanson: HOLY SHIT FEAR OUT OF NOWHERE COMES OVER THE TOP AND TAKES OUT BOTH GABBY AND THE BITCH!!!

Vinegar: What is Hazel doing now?

Hanson: She’s talking to herself, ‘What would Owen do?’, what the hell does that mean?

Vinegar: Oh god, Hazel’s covering her eyes.

Hanson: What kind of lame mind could even write a match like this?

Vinegar: Donovan on his feet now, he looks lost.

Hanson: Not for long now he’s going to the outside with the women… damn that doesn’t seem like that bad of an idea.

Vinegar: Well now we got Hastings, Calypso, Chassie Fear, and Gabrielle all on the outside fighting, Mickey Dragon stepping into the ring, and the ref has her eyes covered!

Hanson: Look at that look! Dragon’s planning something!

Vinegar: Mickey builds a head of steam, DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH! Where the hell did Diamond Jack Severino come from? Dragon’s out cold!

Hanson: Well blind’ol Hazel aint seeing it, but Chassie just rolled Gabrielle into the ring, and now she’s getting double teamed by Hastings and Calypso! Make the cover Gabby!

Vinegar: DJS slides out the ring, Gabby seems to still be feeling the affects of that crowbar last week, she sees Dragon!

Hanson: Here’s the cover! Damnit Hazel open your eyes!

Vinegar: Hell even the fans are counting now.

CROWD: ONE…

Hanson: Finally East opens her eyes, here’s the count!

East: 1…

Vinegar: Calypso now trying to get Hastings to break the cover.

East: 2…

Hanson: Thank god for dummies, Donovan has no idea what’s going on as I’m sure most of our readers don’t either.

East: ¾ …

Vinegar: Dragon kicked out!

Hanson: NO!! Montgomery doesn’t need to be in that ring with a maniac now!

Vinegar: Dragon first to his feet, and he’s sizing up Gabby. He has her up, DVD, No he drops to a knee…

Hanson: She reverses! Lands on her feet, turns, arm wringer, pulls him it GaBuster! GaBuster! God damnit she’s good!

Vinegar: Here’s the cover!

East: ONE…

Hanson: Damnit now Donovan figures it out!

East: TWO…

Vinegar: Calypso even stopped battling Chassie to allow her in the ring.

East: THREE!!!

Hanson: HAHAHA, to late!

Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen here are you winners, Gabrielle and Donovan Hastings!!!

Vinegar: Calypso looks furious, Fear more than a little confused, and Hastings is shouting something about Peterson. What the hell was this?

Hanson: I don’t know, but Peterson Sucks matches are kinda hard to follow, and speaking of kinda hard…

Vinegar: Folks we’ll be right back with more in ring action!

Hanson: Why are you always cutting me off?

[Lord Hastings]

Hanson: Shutup our boss is about to make his way down to the ring!

Vinegar: Boss P; really?

Hanson: That’s not even funny.

All That Remains ‘Air That I Breathe’ begins playing, announcing the impending arrival of Declan Prescott & Cara Prescott. Who soon walk out atop the stage, Cara seems visibly shaken as she’s clinging tightly to her husband, who momentarily breaks her grip to pose cockily for the spiteful GIW audience, before taking her hand and walking down to the ring bragging to the audience. One fan though catches his attention; an obnoxious lardass waving a ‘Boss P Rulez’ sign frantically about. Declan pauses just long enough to spit his gum at the fan who seems oddly happy at the disgusting action (possibly his crowning moment in life).

Dennis: Ladies and Gentlemen don’t feel obliged to welcome the neutered owner of GIW who has as much power as a poodle, accompanied by his wife Carabou from somewhere not in this country, he is most probably the father of Brandon McSkinny; Declan Prescott.

Mr. and Mrs. Prescott then enter the ring Declan climbing a turnbuckle as Cara looks on applauding him as she adjusts the handbag hanging from her shoulder.

Hanson: Cara seems shaken up; maybe I should go comfort her.

Vinegar: wouldn’t that stretch your ass kissing relationship with Declan?

Hanson: It’s not like that; Declan respects me as a friend.

Vinegar: I must have missed you at last years Christmas party!

Hanson: We had a Christmas party?

Slither by Velvet Revolver begins playing as Big B Brown alongside his cousin Brandon Brown walk out atop the stage and make their way down to the ring with Big B repeatedly beating his chest.

Dennis: And DP’s opponent from Harlem New York, tonight weighing in at 500 pounds BIIIIIIIIIIG B BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

The Brown cousins then make their way down to the ring as the Prescott’s slink back off into a corner.

Vinegar: Cara wisely leaving the ring as does Brandon.

Hanson: Haha great move Boss!

Vinegar: What a cheap shot, Big B was discussing match tactics with Brandon and Declan clobbered him from behind.

Hanson: That was great, Big B outweighs Declan by as much as a KFC outlet and that may have been Prescott’s best chance.

Vinegar: Not a long chance though, Big B just shoved him backwards and off of him/

Hanson: The Significant Player is resourceful though with a dropkick right to the patella dropping Brown to one knee.

Vinegar: Prescott now ascending the ropes and comes off with a knee drop right to the back of Browns head.

Hanson: Brutal move, I’d like to see a penguin do that.

Peterson: 1-2-

Vinegar: Big B just barely kicks out.

Hanson: He didn’t kick out hat was a muscle spasm from eating so much fast food over the years.

Vinegar: Prescott back to his feet now and hitting a leg drop followed up by a 180 leg drop. Big B though rolling to his stomach after that second leg drop and getting back to his feet as Declan lands a few free shots in and a big dropkick, stumbling Big B.

Hanson: And it looks like the heart and soul of GIW is about to put away the fat and manboobs of GIW with a running Significant Impact.

Vinegar: But no Big B takes a charging Prescott down with a wicked lariat.

Hanson: What!!!

Vinegar: And now Big B scoops Declan up and hits a scoop slam.

Hanson: No don’t do it!

Vinegar: Big Banzai drop from Big B.

Hanson: This is horrible.

Vinegar: You act like you’ve never seen a 500 pound black man sit down on somebody.

Hanson: I’m blacker than Big B.

Vinegar: Well……………..regardless Big B is back up to his feet and is sizing up Declan.

Hanson: God look at him lick his lips, he’s going to eat Declan, Cara get in there do anything, Roberts somebody stop this!

Vinegar: Prescott back up and Big B going for a piledriver, Declan fights out and chops both of B’s legs then rakes Browns eyes as he unloads with a flurry of punches. Big B though comes back with a thrust kick…..

Hanson: From one of his fat ass legs.

Vinegar: Big B Brown lifting Prescott up and there it is ‘The Big B Brown Bomb’

Hanson: Damn it, damn it, damn it; that fat quarter ton of lard can’t do this!

Vinegar: Wait a minute what the hell is that NICHOLAS CAGE?

Hanson: I believe it is he seems to be spouting some nonsense to Brandon Brown about ‘treasure’, meanwhile Cara’s rummaging through her handbag.

Vinegar: And just produced from it an academy award?

Hanson: When was she in a movie?

Vinegar: I don’t think it’s hers; Nic Cage seems to be quite upset as he slides into the ring as Cara tosses it up into the air.

Hanson: He leaped straight into Big B rocking him backwards as Declan gets back up to his feet and runs at Big B clocking him with ‘The Perfect Play’.

Peterson: 1-2-3!!

Vinegar: Damn Nic Cage, Owen was too star struck to even think about Disqualifying Prescott for that assist.

Declan gets up to his feet kicking the Academy Award aside as Nic gets back to his feet and dives out of the ring after it, clutching it to his chest as Brandon slides in the ring alongside Big B, the Prescott’s slide out the other side. Declan happy with a job well done as he clutches Cara tight to himself as they make their way towards the back.

Vinegar: That idiot deserved that!

Hanson: Deserved that? Brandon just superkicked Nicholas Cage, sending his Academy Award into the audience.

"NIGGA HOLD DAT!"

Vinegar: NOW The Boss is here, and he's stopped Cara and Declan from escaping to the back...

Boss P: WHERE DA FUCK DO YOU TWO NIGGA'S THINK YOUR GOIN'? HMM. YA THINK YA CAN PULL THAT KINDA SNEAKY SHIT ON BOSS P'S WATCH? YOU AIN'T LEARNIN' NOTHIN ARE YA NIGGA? I WAS WATCHING THIS SHOW<AND THEN IS SEE MY OLD HOME DAWG, NIC CAGE ON SCREEN...

IMAGINE MY SURPRISE. CAUSE I SURE AS HELL DIDN'T BOOK NO CELEBRITY APPEARANCES MUTHAFUCKA'S! THEN I SEE THIS CORPORATE MUTHAFUCKA AND HIS NIGGA WIFE, AND IT ALL MAKES SENSE. WELL NIGGA PRESCOTT, I GOT SOME NEWS FOR YA, YOU GAVE THE GIW ENFORCER AN IDEA...

SEEING AS OWEN PETERSON HAS HIS OWN MATCH UP AT HORIZONS, IT WOULD BE UNFAIR OF A NIGGA SUCH AS MYSELF TO MAKE HIM REFEREE AS WELL. SO, ON NOVEMBER 29TH AT HORIZONS, NICOLAS CAGE WILL TAKE OVER OWEN PETERSONS REFEREEING DUTIES...OH AND NIGLET, THAT INCLUDE YOUR MATCH WITH BRANDON BROWN...SEE Y'ALL LATER!

Vinegar: Nicolas Cage is going to be a special guest referee for Horizons. What a huge announcement...

Hanson: What the hell? Can he even do that?

Vinegar: I'm sure he's got an open door policy, why don't you go ask...

[Lord Hastings]

The flick of a Zippo, the pop of a Red Bull, and ‘Wonder What’s Next’ by Chevelle hits the PA system, and immediately the fans erupt almost out of habit. As the music continues and first BoolZ with the Hardcore Title slung over his shoulder and a torn vintage Sean Jensen tee-shirt on followed by Mary-Joanna Roberts dressed in a conservative looking dress suit step through the curtain, and almost half of the fans instantly turn causing what is becoming more and more common BoolZ receives his mixed reaction.

Hanson: Damnit!

Vinegar: I guess the Red Bull Icon is a bit anxious to get the main event underway.

The couple hand in hand makes their way to the ring ignoring most of the fans. BoolZ hops up to the apron, and helps MJ up the steps before opening the ropes for her. Together they enter the ring as BoolZ walks across the ring and receives a microphone from Mitchell Dennis. The music dies down, and BoolZ brings the microphone to his mouth doing everything he can to avoid eye contact with the cameras.

Hanson: No Mitchell, don’t give him the mic!

Vinegar: Well, folks it looks like the Hardcore Champion has something to say.

Hanson: It had better be an apology.

BoolZ: Folks I know you didn’t pay to sit there and listen to me ramble on about this or that, but unfortunately I think there are a few things being missed. Firstly this supposed best in the world, Alex Kiseragi. Not only did I have to carry him through two matches over the last two weeks, but they were tag team matches which meant every time he’d reach out that little hand of his pleading for me to save the day I’d get some kinda fruity perfumed lotion smeared all over my palm. This is the same guy that’s too busy being ‘Hollywood’ to figure out that in only a few short weeks, 14 days to be exact, he’s going to find himself locked in a Hell in the Cell match, and pummeled mercilessly until I take that GHC Title from him. And this time, his ancient yoda looking papa won’t be able to save him.

The mixed reactions from the fans continue but tilt slightly against the ‘TWiSTeD Protégé’ as he pauses momentarily. He takes a deep breath of his freshly lit cigarette as Mary-Joanna rubs his back in support.

BoolZ: And speaking of the Hell in a Cell that of course brings us to the third wheel in the match, Travis Roberts. This same doped up hippy that probably ordered eD to the ring to beg for Roberts place at Horizons. Why the gutless worm didn’t do it himself is beyond me, but he was probably too embarrassed after losing to a male model named ‘Kis-Kis’. Either that or he was afraid! Afraid because he remembers what I did to him at Toxic Intent. There he was, already sold his soul to the Costello, accepted her invitation to be her personal hired gun, set out to take me out, and then failed. He’s afraid because at the time I was just settling in, I was just getting started in the GIW, and he was already on his way out. He’s lost it. I took it from him. This is the guy that made the TWiSTeD Fight Club title at Fightmania allll those years ago before losing it to Cole Hayden at World War Rumble. This is the guy that stared in major motion flops. This is the guy that had the most gorgeous woman behind him every step of the way until he couldn’t stop GWAR from putting him in a coma. Christ man, Roberts that’s the first of your so called proverbs. Watch your back! This is the guy that wants everyone to believe that months after the fact he’s upset over his crappy kitchen sink.

The fans now switching back to a slightly more favorable mixed reaction. BoolZ takes another drag of his cigarette as MJ takes the mic. With a free hand now BoolZ chugs his Red Bull. Mary-Joanna is greeted with nothing but boos.

Mary-Joanna: Hey I picked out that sink, Randy. Hell I washed my Thanksgiving dishes in that sink, and if anyone should be upset over what you did it’s me! But I’m not. That sink, that great hall, that whole house is no more Travis’ than it is anyone of these folks. For weeks now I’ve heard people calling me a ‘whore’ or ‘slut’ and ‘skank’, but I don’t understand. You people don’t understand. I loved Travis Roberts with all my heart! I stayed by his bed while he was in that coma as long as I could, but bills had to be paid. I had to work. I stood beside my husband as a loving wife, and supported him with every fiber of my being both before and during the coma. Then I got called away, and I checked up on him. Every day for months I called the hospital, and demanded the doctors do something, but I couldn’t be there. I had to be away paying for his treatment. Then it happened. While I’m selling my soul trying to keep life support plugged in, he woke up.

The fans still booing MJ for the most part, but the large verity of slurs have stopped.

Mary-Joanna: He woke up after two years of being in a coma, and not a single call. Not a letter. Not an email. I figured he was a vegetable with only his little monkey eD to wipe his ass, and I couldn’t stand to see the great man I had fallen in love with in such a state. Then two years, after sitting at home wondering what might have been if only he was able to protect himself, after two long painful years, I see ‘The Headliner’ in a GIW ring wearing the championship. He didn’t even think to make contact with me, his wife! So I flew home, I was rushing to his side, when I met Randy, and…

‘Bummer’ by Monster Magnet begins over the speakers, and for once it’s Travis Roberts who received the mixed reaction. After a few moments ‘The Blessed One’ makes his way onto the entrance ramp still putting on his trade mark aviator glasses. He wastes no time marching to the ring, he rolls under the bottom rope, stands a produces his own microphone as the music stops.

Hanson: Finally, maybe we'll get some truth.

Vinegar: Truth?

Roberts: ‘The TWiSTeD Guerilla’ cannot believe his ears! To think ‘The TWiSTeD Icon’ has had to sit in the back and endure the screeching of his biggest mistake, and nonsensical rambling of this ‘TWiSTeD Wannabe’? Is this truly how ‘The Headliner’ was meant to spend his evening? Is this little child truly all Boss P could come up with for ‘The Blessed Ones’ partner? Lord what sins have been committed to damn ‘The TWiSTeD Revolutionary’ in such a manner? Now being as the forced nature of tonight’s union why don’t you do the smartest thing you could do, and simply return to ‘The Blessed Ones’ sink!

His words bring a smile to BoolZ’s face as the fans cheering begin to overtake the fans booing. BoolZ looks to MJ as hides his gaze behind his mirrored glasses. BoolZ takes the microphone back from Mary-Jo.

BoolZ: Wow, how far you’ve fallen. Seriously, Travis did you really forget about the second TWiSTeD Proverb? Don’t cry over spilt blood…

BoolZ glances back to Mary-Joanna briefly.

BoolZ:… or leaky plumbing.

Vinegar: And I think Roberts has heard enough! Thunderous right hand!

Hanson: Damn right! Listen when you steal from the Revolution you gotta expect to be regulated on!

Vinegar: Mary-Joanna seems in a panic, Roberts and BoolZ exchanging rights…

Hanson: Big mistake by BoolZ, and T-Rob showing why with a hard kick to the janglies!

Vinegar: Roberts setting up for the White Out!

Hanson: Damnit, that wiggly little Red Bull addled worm slips free, and he’s heading for the hills!

Vinegar: Mary-Joanna now stepping between BoolZ and Roberts, BoolZ outside shouting at Roberts, Roberts inside the ring shouting back at BoolZ! Folks these two men have to fight together against Mr. Deathmatch and the Champion Alex Kiseragi tonight!

The sound of bullets rip through the air as everyone’s attention is demanded to the stage where Boss Penguin waddles out with his Tommy gun in his flipper and cigar in his mouth.

Boss P: YO YOU CRAZY ASS HONKY NIGGAS BETTER START ACT’IN PROPER, YOU HUURRR!?! AND IF YO CRAZY COMPTON'S THINK I'MMA LET YOU FUCK EACH OTHER UP TONIGHT AND MESS WID MY FIRST PAY-PER-MOTHA-FUCKIN'-VIEW, YO WHITE BREAD ASSES GOT ANOTHER THING COMING! I'MMA CHANGE THIS BITCH FEST TO A REGULAR TAG MATCH! AND IF ANYONE DON'T LIKE THAT, THEY CAN BLAME THE TWO PINK PUSSIES SLAPPING THE WET OUTTA EACH OTHER IN THE MIDDLE OF BOSS P'S RING! NOW DENNIS, BITCH, GET YO MOTHERFUCKIN’ ASS IN THAT RING, AND INTRODUCE YO CHAMP! DA MATCH IS NOW!

Vinegar: No hardcore rules?! These fans don’t seem to appreciate that too much.

Hanson: Yeah, but who’s gonna funk wid Boss P‘s word? Only a suicidal nigga, that’s who.

[Lord Hastings]

Whatever the fuck that song is in Hiro’s Youtube vid hits, as the crowd breaks into cheers and Aragato emerges on the stage. Boss P begins pointing to the ring with his flipper and shouting something which is sure to be greatly offensive, before waddling his way backstage. Aragato proceeds down the ramp, where BoolZ and Roberts are still brawling.

Dennis: And the opponents - though it doesn’t seem like these two really need any - from Kyoto, Japan and weighing 210 pounds, Mr. Deathmatch… ARAGATO!!!

Hanson: Aragato creeping into the ring now, like the socially awkward little pervert that he is. Even Mr. Deathmatch doesn’t wanna defy that penguin.

Vinegar: Mary-Jo now leaving the ring, while Aragato watches Travis and BoolZ still pummelling the hell out of each other. I’m not sure they’ve even realised he’s here!

“Teahouse” begins playing and many cheers breakout, though some fans are noticeably unimpressed with the arrival of the Global Heavyweight Champion.

Dennis: And the tag team partner, from San Francisco, California and weighing 198 pounds, the Global Heavyweight Champion… ALEX ‘THE DRAGON’ KISERAGI!!!

Vinegar: Kiseragi making his way down the ramp here, but Aragato has had enough inside the ring! BAM! A harsh chop to BoolZ skull, sends him off balance and tumbling out of the ring. Mr. Deathmatch whipping The Blessed One to the ropes and it seems Roberts and Aragato will be starting this now reular tag team match, as the bell rings! Aragato connects with a spinning wheel kick on the rebound. Now with a falling head butt to the chest, knocking the wind out of The Headliner.

Hanson: That little monkey is a rapist! Attacking from behind like that, what a god damned rapist!

Vinegar: Well Aragato has never been the ‘sit down and discuss’ sort, but if he hears you call him a racist, you’ll be in big trouble.

Hanson: Good point. I don’t want him to grape me.

Vinegar: And I think he heard that, Dan! He’s looking this way! But the distraction is all the downed Roberts needs to connect with a foot to the janglies! Mr. Deathmatch down, as Roberts takes a quick moment to wave to the fans - who don’t seem to appreciative I might add. Now Aragato getting up and Roberts boots him in the side of the skull. The Blessed One dragging Mr. Deathmatch up and looking for a German suplex. But Aragato with some stiff shots to The Headliner’s skull breaks free and swings his body around with a roundhouse kick! Roberts goes rolling across the ring! As he gets up, RBI makes the blind tag!

Hanson: Damn, now Roberts has herpes…

Vinegar: Aragato with a quick bow and then a low kick to BoolZ’ knees. RBI being taken down, but Aragato with a super fast hurricarana before RBI even hits the canvas! But now Kiseragi with a blind tag of his own! Aragato doesn’t look too happy!

Hanson: What are you talking about? You can’t even see his face!

Vinegar: Kiseragi heading to BoolZ, who gets to his feet. The Dragon with a stiff chop! BoolZ responds with a harsh right fist! But Kiseragi returns another chop. Now BoolZ again with a punch! Chop! Punch! Chop! Punch! Chop! Punch! Chop! Punch! Punch! Chop! Chop! Punch! Chop! Chop! Punch! Chop! Chop! Chop! Kiseragi whips BoolZ to the ropes and hammers him with a standing shining wizard on the return! Picture perfect athleticism by Kiseragi! Now he’s going up top! BUT MARY-JO RACING UP THE STEPS AND GRABBING HIS ANKLE!

Hanson: What a bitch?!

Vinegar: It’s nothing more than we’ve seen Mrs. Prescott do on countless occasions…

Hanson: Yeah, but you can’t count past three Nick, so that ain’t saying much.

Vinegar: Well all the same, the distraction has allowed BoolZ to connect with a MASSIVE superplex. And these fans not sure what to make of RBI’s and Mary-Jo’s underhanded tactics. I have to say, I’m quite disappointed by BoolZ.

Hanson: Me too. I was really hoping he would have joined Austin and given up on wrestling to make barnyard pornos by now. Some people are just so inconsiderate…

Vinegar: And now RBI with a knee drop off the middle rope, crushing Kiseragi’s face. Excellent manoeuvre by the Hardcore Champ. Now BoolZ climbing up to the top rope himself… but he’s noticed Aragato stalking Mary-Jo on the outside! DIVING CROSS BODY ON MR. DEATHMATCH ALL THE WAY TO THE ARENA FLOOR!!!

Hanson: I guess it’s ‘that time’ for Aragato…

Vinegar: Oh, give it a rest. I highly doubt he would have actually attacked her. But even if he did, it’s no more than we’ve seen your buddy Prescott do on more than one occasion.

Hanson: But less than three, right? Now syphilis face is asking the gutter slut if she’s okay. But here comes the homo with a baseball slide!

Vinegar: BoolZ going smashing into the safety barrier. And meanwhile Travis Roberts is just watching all this happen from his team’s - and I use that term very loosely - corner. Hell, I think he’s actually enjoying watching these three men beat the hell out of each other!

Hanson: Like we’re not? This match is great! Besides, stop being racist against awesome people. Now you’re giving Roberts crap just for following the rules?! Jeez, the guy just can’t do anything right by you, can he?

Vinegar: I’m simply making an observation that he’s watching his own partner get the hell kicked out of him by Kiseragi and it actually seems to be bringing a smile to his face! Nothing more, nothing less.

Hanson: You fat racist.

Vinegar: I think you’re confusing me for YO MOMMA!!!

Hanson: !!!

Vinegar: But back to the action - P gets sidetracked way too easily - Kiseragi rolling BoolZ into the ring and now climbing in himself, before Burke reaches the ten count. Aragato is back on the apron and calling for the tag. Kiseragi obliges and now Mr. Deathmatch is the legal man!

Hanson: Uh oh. He’s probably gonna show BoolZ a little ‘cross body’ of his own.

Vinegar: Aragato sizing BoolZ up, as RBI climbs back to his feet. BUT ROBERTS OUT OF NOWHERE WITH AN ELBOW FROM THE TOP ROPE! TAKES ARAGATO DOWN!

Hanson: I guess you’re gonna bitch at him for that too?

Vinegar: I’m too much in shock! Why the hell did Roberts just help out BoolZ?! He’s been gunning for him the entire match!

Hanson: Now he’s calling for a mic. And Dennis wisely complies.

Vinegar: This is highly unorthodox. Roberts back on the apron and looks like he has something to say.

Roberts: Well admit it, BoolZ. For all your cheap talk and unsupported boasting, you need The Blessed One’s help here. Travis Roberts just saved your bottom feeding ass from a masked rapist - nice one Hanson - and a metro sexual sell out. You might as well just tag in Travis Roberts so he can finish off, what you don’t have the ability to.

Hanson: Ha! I got a mention! And he’s right! Roberts has carried BoolZ up until now!

Vinegar: You’re both deranged. This is just insulting! And BoolZ, looking like he could rip Roberts in two - is slowly approaching The Headliner. Aragato watching on, not willing to attack RBI from behind. WHAT?! AND RBI MAKES THE TAG!!!

Hanson: Ha! Finally accepting the truth!

Vinegar: Not quite! He’s not letting go of Roberts' hand… AND HE PULLS HIM OVER THE ROPES AND HEADFIRST TO THE CANVAS! NOW BOOLZ KICKING THE HOLY HELL OUTTA THE BLESSED ONE!!!

Hanson: Disqualify him! Wait, then Roberts will lose. I… urgh… someone do something!

Vinegar: Roberts scrambling desperately to his feet, like a scolded dog. But the Hardcore Champ goes on the offensive and charges! Roberts pulling down on the top rope and sends BoolZ tumbling right over it! RBI CRASHING INTO MARY-JO AND CRUSHING HER AGAINST THE SAFETY BARRIER!!!

Hanson: Yeah! Not the type of sandwich that bitch is used to, but it’s exactly what she deserves!

Vinegar: But look at Roberts! He’s watching on, seemingly mesmerised. I think he’s concerned about her, Dan!

Hanson: Pfft! He’s only concerned about those poor front row fans that just had her thrown into their breathing space. They’ve probably ingested half a gallon of man jelly just by being in the same vicinity as her!

Vinegar: But there’s still a match going here! Burke has fled to the outside to check on BoolZ and Mary-Jo. Aragato spins Roberts around AND BLASTS HIM WITH THE OBSIDIAN SCOURGE! NO!!! ROBERTS DUCKS THAT DEADLY MIST, HITS A FIST INTO ARAGTO’S CROTCH AND CONNECTS WITH THE WHITE OUT!!!

Hanson: YEE-USSS!!!

Vinegar: BURKE BACK IN THE RING NOW THAT ROBERTS HAS THE COVER!!! ONE!!! KISERAGI COMING TO BREAK IT UP! TWO!!! NO!!! SKINNY OUT OF NOWHERE HAS HIM BY THE ANKLE!!!! THREE!!!! IT’S OVER!!!! WITH THE UNLIKELY HELP OF BRANDON MCSKINNY, ROBERTS AND BOOLZ HAVE COME OUT VICTORIOUS!!!

Hanson: Ha! Skinny actually did something useful! He’s a much better tag team partner than BoolZ. But uh oh… Kiseragi seems to have taken exception to the little guy’s actions.

Vinegar: YARI KICK OFF THE APRON AND SENDS SKINNY FLYING THROUGH THE AIR, AS IF A BOMB HAD JUST WENT OFF IN HIS FACE!!! SKINNY IS HALFWAY UP THE RAMP AND TOTALLY LIFELESS!

Hanson: Well, that was to be expected…

Vinegar: And now Kiseragi getting back into the ring and checking on Aragato. MR. DEATHMATCH BLASTS HIM IN THE FACE WITH THE OBSIDIAN SCOURGE!!!

Hanson: Well, if Alex were straight, it’d be bad news for him. That’s Aragato’s ultimate ‘pre-grape attack’. Uh oh, now he’s heading outside to BoolZ and Roberts!

Vinegar: RBI helping Mary-Jo to her feet and Roberts looking on, not sure what to do - OBSIDIAN SCOURGE TO ROBERTS!!! OBSIDIAN SCOURGE TO BOOLZ!!!! ARAGATO HAS SNAPPED!!!!!

Aragato: BADD-U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hanson: That’s his ‘so many choices, so little raping time’ cry, Nick!

Vinegar: He definitely heard that one!

Hanson: Uh oh…

Vinegar: Well folks, my broadcast partner is wisely heading backstage now. I’m Nicholas Vinegar, wishing you a goodnight and hoping you’ll join us next week on the very final stop before Horizons! No doubt it’s a show you won’t want to miss!

Aragato: BADD-U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Lord Hastings]

Sentinel Credits

Ezekiel Pax vs ‘The Canadian’
Sean Cyanide/Jensen

DJS vs Dredd vs The Stud Rooster
Travis Roberts

Savana vs Cyanide vs Solomon
Alex Kiseragi

Xavier/Raenius Segment
W&P

Peterson Sucks Tag Match
BoolZ

Big B vs DP
DJS

BoolZ and Mary-Jo Segment
BoolZ

Main Event
Declan Prescott