Post by Lord Hastings on Jul 21, 2009 6:25:57 GMT -5
The camera opens up in a small, brightly lit, sophisticatedly decorated room, with Jason Reeves sitting on a single sized leather couch. He is smiling broadly, as he stares into the camera, behind his thick, black shades.
Reeves: Yo, yo, yo my posse! Only 30 minutes until GIW’s grandest show in history, Horizons! Man, this show is gonna be off the page. But you know GIW’s NUMBER ONE INTERVIEWER, Jason Reeves, is never gonna be outshined! So I’ve put together an exclusive Horizons pre-show… well, urgh… show, for you guys! And trust me, I’m bringing y’all shit that Roxy Malone couldn’t even dream about! Then again, I heard the only dreams she has are nightmares about being involved in a Sean Jensen storyline! AW YEAH, I WENT DERE!!!
“Ahem…”
Reeves looks to his right, quite nervously, then nods in compliance and turns back to the camera.
Reeves: Aighte homeys, I’ve got a little wrestling action lined up for you guys later in the program, but right now lets get this discussion for Horizons going! Introducing my two very esteemed guests, guests that I had to go to extraordinary lengths to bring in… WILL SMITH AND NICOLAS CAGE!!!
The camera pans out to reveal Smith and Cage seated on a double sized leather couch beside the GIW interviewer.
Reeves: So my dudes, how you guys been?!
Smith: Aww yeah, homey, I’m up in da bidness, ya hear?! Will Smith always keepin’ it tight and rollin’ like a Jacko lantern!
Cage: I haven’t gone looking for treasure - for treasure movie roles in about 3 hours. I’m having withdrawal symptoms, man! I need Kal-El to recharge me!
Reeves: Urgh…
Smith: NIGGA HOLD DAT!!!
Smith throws a Blu Ray copy of Hancock at the interviewer. Reeves fumbles clumsily, trying to catch it, before it falls to the floor. Smith’s eyes begin to bulge and sparks begin emanating from his left arm.
Smith: That… was… my… MOVIE!!!
Reeves: Please don’t kill me, Mr. Smith! I have a family!!!
Smith calms down and his face contorts with curiosity.
Smith: Really?
Reeves: Umm… yeah. The fans of GIW are my family!
Smith and Cage: Weak…
Reeves: Now on with the show! Mr. Smith and Mr. Cage are gonna be giving us their predictions on each of the matches. So gentlemen, what do you think about the opening contest? A match to decide the first ever GIW Tag Team Champions!
Cage: What? You mean this is an actual match? Chip Masters hasn’t done anything all month, but get abducted my Marlo and its huge ass at every single show. And Dredd is so pathetic, he was rejected by Marlo and its huge ass. To think they could have given that TV time to me and my thrilling adventures is a crime against humanity!
Reeves: So you think War & Peace will win, then?
Cage: No way. ‘Winning’ would mean there had been some sort of contest. This is gonna be like Nic Cage verse Sean Bean! Like DJ’s ass verse the rapist monkey that killed his momma! Like Ghost Rider verse Hancock! Like -
THUMP!
Reeves lets out a girlish scream, as Smith has blasted Cage with his left arm.
Smith: Fucking asshole! But da Fresh Prince has to agree with his thoughts on the match. American Muscle gonna be like an ass muscle feeling the power of Will Smith’s foot muscle! Those bitches are TOAST!
Reeves: Alright, well what about the next match? Xavier Bryan steps out of retirement to face off against his old rival Raenius.
Smith: -
Cage: What do you expect to happen?! Raenius dresses like a clown and spends more time doing unspeakable things to Mickey Dragon, than he does wrestling. This is gonna be like the time the Gatorman tried to stop me from claiming King Arthur’s metallic jockstrap. Now on that treasure hunt we… I mean discussion about the script, not a treasure hunt. The Gatorman thought he was pretty tough, but I got the one up when…
Reeves and Smith: o.O
Cage: Forget it… Bryan to win.
Smith: You got no idea, son! Raenius is a beast! Just the way people talk about him, you can tell that gangstas fear the homey. And respect like that don’t come easy. Ya gotta earn it. Raenius gonna show the folks of GIW what he’s all about. And that’s about listenin' to freaky voices and kickin’ ass!
Reeves: Well, you both make some good points. Jason reeves is so glad he was able to get you guys in here!
Smith: You promised me a night alone with Gabrielle.
Cage: You promised me a night alone with a map of the catacombs underneath the arena.
Reeves: Urgh, yeah… that’s no problem! Moving on to the, urgh… next match… the no DQ blindfold match!
Cage simply begins laughing. Reeves turns to Smith, hopefully.
Smith: What kinda whacked out shit is this penguin pullin’?! A no DQ blindfold match?! What’s to stop them just taking the blindfolds off?! It’s not like they can be disqualified. That shit is redundant!
Cage: You’re way off base as usual, Smith! The blindfold is there to help those guys. You saw what they got up to last week, right?! They need to fight blindfolded, so they don’t start drooling over each other and then force everyone to watch, as they start making out in the middle of the ring! I predict the most exciting thing about this match will be my battle against trying to fall asleep on the job. Maybe I should bring a portable DVD player with me… watching some Con Air always keeps me on the edge of my seat!
Smith: Because you’re so eager to finally see the credits roll around? Your movies suck more than Austin on his latest donkey flick, Cage!
Cage: You’re gonna regret that! Where’s Kal-El?!
Smith: UP YO MOMMA’S ASS, BITCH!
Cage: MY MOMMA WAS A GREAT MAN!!!
Reeves: O.O! Next match, next match! Boss P on a pole!
Cage: BOSS P ON SMITH’S DADDA’S POLE!!
Smith: DAMN NIGGA! TAKIN’ DAT SHIT TOO FUCKIN’ FAR!!!
Cage: I HEARD RICKER’S COCK WAS TOO FAR IN YO MOMMA!!!
Smith: RICKER IS YO MOMMA!!!
Reeves: Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve got a special pre-Horizons match to show you guys! The debuting Lobo against some guy who people care about a little bit more than DJ. Let’s roll!
Reeves attempts to throw himself between the two battling celebrities, as the camera fades to black.
Reeves: Yo, yo, yo my posse! Only 30 minutes until GIW’s grandest show in history, Horizons! Man, this show is gonna be off the page. But you know GIW’s NUMBER ONE INTERVIEWER, Jason Reeves, is never gonna be outshined! So I’ve put together an exclusive Horizons pre-show… well, urgh… show, for you guys! And trust me, I’m bringing y’all shit that Roxy Malone couldn’t even dream about! Then again, I heard the only dreams she has are nightmares about being involved in a Sean Jensen storyline! AW YEAH, I WENT DERE!!!
“Ahem…”
Reeves looks to his right, quite nervously, then nods in compliance and turns back to the camera.
Reeves: Aighte homeys, I’ve got a little wrestling action lined up for you guys later in the program, but right now lets get this discussion for Horizons going! Introducing my two very esteemed guests, guests that I had to go to extraordinary lengths to bring in… WILL SMITH AND NICOLAS CAGE!!!
The camera pans out to reveal Smith and Cage seated on a double sized leather couch beside the GIW interviewer.
Reeves: So my dudes, how you guys been?!
Smith: Aww yeah, homey, I’m up in da bidness, ya hear?! Will Smith always keepin’ it tight and rollin’ like a Jacko lantern!
Cage: I haven’t gone looking for treasure - for treasure movie roles in about 3 hours. I’m having withdrawal symptoms, man! I need Kal-El to recharge me!
Reeves: Urgh…
Smith: NIGGA HOLD DAT!!!
Smith throws a Blu Ray copy of Hancock at the interviewer. Reeves fumbles clumsily, trying to catch it, before it falls to the floor. Smith’s eyes begin to bulge and sparks begin emanating from his left arm.
Smith: That… was… my… MOVIE!!!
Reeves: Please don’t kill me, Mr. Smith! I have a family!!!
Smith calms down and his face contorts with curiosity.
Smith: Really?
Reeves: Umm… yeah. The fans of GIW are my family!
Smith and Cage: Weak…
Reeves: Now on with the show! Mr. Smith and Mr. Cage are gonna be giving us their predictions on each of the matches. So gentlemen, what do you think about the opening contest? A match to decide the first ever GIW Tag Team Champions!
Cage: What? You mean this is an actual match? Chip Masters hasn’t done anything all month, but get abducted my Marlo and its huge ass at every single show. And Dredd is so pathetic, he was rejected by Marlo and its huge ass. To think they could have given that TV time to me and my thrilling adventures is a crime against humanity!
Reeves: So you think War & Peace will win, then?
Cage: No way. ‘Winning’ would mean there had been some sort of contest. This is gonna be like Nic Cage verse Sean Bean! Like DJ’s ass verse the rapist monkey that killed his momma! Like Ghost Rider verse Hancock! Like -
THUMP!
Reeves lets out a girlish scream, as Smith has blasted Cage with his left arm.
Smith: Fucking asshole! But da Fresh Prince has to agree with his thoughts on the match. American Muscle gonna be like an ass muscle feeling the power of Will Smith’s foot muscle! Those bitches are TOAST!
Reeves: Alright, well what about the next match? Xavier Bryan steps out of retirement to face off against his old rival Raenius.
Smith: -
Cage: What do you expect to happen?! Raenius dresses like a clown and spends more time doing unspeakable things to Mickey Dragon, than he does wrestling. This is gonna be like the time the Gatorman tried to stop me from claiming King Arthur’s metallic jockstrap. Now on that treasure hunt we… I mean discussion about the script, not a treasure hunt. The Gatorman thought he was pretty tough, but I got the one up when…
Reeves and Smith: o.O
Cage: Forget it… Bryan to win.
Smith: You got no idea, son! Raenius is a beast! Just the way people talk about him, you can tell that gangstas fear the homey. And respect like that don’t come easy. Ya gotta earn it. Raenius gonna show the folks of GIW what he’s all about. And that’s about listenin' to freaky voices and kickin’ ass!
Reeves: Well, you both make some good points. Jason reeves is so glad he was able to get you guys in here!
Smith: You promised me a night alone with Gabrielle.
Cage: You promised me a night alone with a map of the catacombs underneath the arena.
Reeves: Urgh, yeah… that’s no problem! Moving on to the, urgh… next match… the no DQ blindfold match!
Cage simply begins laughing. Reeves turns to Smith, hopefully.
Smith: What kinda whacked out shit is this penguin pullin’?! A no DQ blindfold match?! What’s to stop them just taking the blindfolds off?! It’s not like they can be disqualified. That shit is redundant!
Cage: You’re way off base as usual, Smith! The blindfold is there to help those guys. You saw what they got up to last week, right?! They need to fight blindfolded, so they don’t start drooling over each other and then force everyone to watch, as they start making out in the middle of the ring! I predict the most exciting thing about this match will be my battle against trying to fall asleep on the job. Maybe I should bring a portable DVD player with me… watching some Con Air always keeps me on the edge of my seat!
Smith: Because you’re so eager to finally see the credits roll around? Your movies suck more than Austin on his latest donkey flick, Cage!
Cage: You’re gonna regret that! Where’s Kal-El?!
Smith: UP YO MOMMA’S ASS, BITCH!
Cage: MY MOMMA WAS A GREAT MAN!!!
Reeves: O.O! Next match, next match! Boss P on a pole!
Cage: BOSS P ON SMITH’S DADDA’S POLE!!
Smith: DAMN NIGGA! TAKIN’ DAT SHIT TOO FUCKIN’ FAR!!!
Cage: I HEARD RICKER’S COCK WAS TOO FAR IN YO MOMMA!!!
Smith: RICKER IS YO MOMMA!!!
Reeves: Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve got a special pre-Horizons match to show you guys! The debuting Lobo against some guy who people care about a little bit more than DJ. Let’s roll!
Reeves attempts to throw himself between the two battling celebrities, as the camera fades to black.