Wrestlestock - Day 2 - July 13, 2024

[UGWC Staff]

Vinegar: Welcome to Day Two of Wrestlestock!

Covert Jay: Huzzah!

Vinegar: We have another day of exciting action lined up for you, including the District Conquest, our Featured Match as the newly returned Montague Cervantes faces the man he showed up for his return, Trent Steel, and our Main Event as Cross-Hemisphere Champion Donovan Hastings faces challengers Sebastian Everett-Bryce and previous champion Zane Scott in the “Around the Hastingsphere” match, which promises to be… unique.

Lieberjosch: “Unique” is always a good description when it’s thought up by “The Lord of Pain.” I think he’ll have his hands full and we could see a new champion crowned today.

Vinegar: I think it’s a decent to good possibility, although if Hastings does retain, he’d have a signature victory to hang his reign on.

Covert Jay: Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go!

Vinegar: Soon, Jay. Soon.

Lieberjosch: Don’t worry, this’ll be a quick review. Everyone knows what happened yesterday.

Vinegar: In yesterday’s action we saw Ezra Wolf, Larry Tact, and Lord Raab advance in the Wrestlestock Tournament.

Lieberjosh: Ezra’s wasn’t exactly a challenge.

Vinegar: Sometimes one draws the lucky hand, Hans. Yesterday it was Ezra. Would you feel differently if it was Tact or Riley, Reverend Reed?

Lieberjosch: Probably. Even the rookie Read could demolish that human disaster if he didn’t demolish himself first.

Vinegar: Then why penalize Ezra for beating him?

Lieberjosch: It’s still a cheap victory. It’s cheaper with Wolf because he’s a title holder.

Vinegar: As you’re well aware, he doesn’t book his matches.

Lieberjosh: I still don’t like it. He should’ve demanded Tact or even that masked lunatic Raab to defend the integrity of his championship.

Vinegar: I think you’re being a drama queen.

Covert Jay: Yeah, chill, Doc. It’s all good!

Lieberjosch: I’m going to ignore you.

Vinegar: The Main Event of Day One saw the defending Cooperative Champions, Sebastian Everett-Bryce and Lucy Wydle successfully defend against “The Syndicate,” consisting of World Champion Alan Wallace, and Zane Scott. It was a hard-fought match, but the champions retained.

Lieberjosch: The challengers should get another shot at them.

Vinegar: They might. We’ll see what The Consortium thinks about the division now that the champions have retained. Wallace and Scott might be booted down to the bottom of the list.

Lieberjosch: That would be a tragedy.

Vinegar: It’s normal though. We’ll see what happens. In the meantime, the champion's impressive reign continues.

Lieberjosch: “Impressive” is a matter of opinion, but they’re still the champions and that’s all that matters.

Covert Jay: Stop being a grouch.

Lieberjosch: I hope someone puts you through a table today.

Vinegar: Settle down, Hans. Let’s go to the District Conquest!

Covert Jay: Huzzah!

[UGWC Staff]

Wrestlestock District Conquest

Everett: "What's up, Phoenix Area Wrestling fans? It's your boy 'Electric' Eddie Everett:, and I'm hyped to be joining forces with my partner in commentary, 'The Professor' Pritchard! We're the dynamic duo from PAW, and we're thrilled to be invited by UGWC's Owen Peterson to call the action for the District Conquest here at Wrestlestockopolis!"

Pritchard: "Indeed, Eddie, it's an honor to be a part of this esteemed event. The District Conquest is a storied tradition, and we're eager to bring our unique blend of expertise and enthusiasm to the table. This year's format may be a mystery, but one thing is certain: the competition will be fierce, and the stakes are higher than ever."

Everett: "That's right, Professor! The winner of the District Conquest will earn a shot at the Conquest Title on July 29, and if they can complete the streak, they'll get a chance to challenge for the UGWC World Championship! The tension is palpable, and we're ready to bring the energy and insight to the commentary table. Let's get ready to rock, Wrestlestockopolis!"

Pritchard: "And let's not forget, Eddie, the District Conquest is known for its surprises. We can expect unexpected twists and turns, so our expertise and quick thinking will be put to the test. But fear not, dear viewers, for we are prepared to guide you through the chaos and excitement that is the District Conquest."

Pyros erupt in a blaze of fire and light, engulfing the stage in a fiery spectacle. As the music softens, Travis Pierce emerges from behind the main stage, his confident stride and charismatic presence commanding the attention of the crowd.

Everett: "WOW, what an entrance! The man knows how to make an impact, folks! Travis Pierce, 'The Icon of Entertainment', has arrived, and the crowd is going wild! This guy's got a storied history with Wrestlestock, and he's a proven commodity - Grand Slam Champion, media personality, influencer, and so much more!"

He makes his way to the ring, his eyes greeting the audience as he soaks in the adoration of the fans. The camera pans across the sea of enthusiastic faces as he steps into the ring.

The Professor' Pritchard: "Indeed, Eddie, Travis Pierce is a force to be reckoned with. His charisma and confidence are undeniable, and his ability to connect with the audience is unparalleled. He's a master of self-promotion and has built a brand that transcends the world of wrestling.

The music reaches its crescendo, and the pyros explode once more, showering the stage in a kaleidoscope of colors and lights.

Everett: "That's right, Professor! Pierce has got the skills to back up the hype, and he's always a top contender. The question is, can he bring it all together and emerge victorious in the District Conquest? The crowd is certainly behind him, and that energy can be a powerful motivator."

Pritchard: "Well, Eddie, we'll be watching closely to see how Pierce navigates the challenges of this unique competition. His experience and adaptability will be crucial in the face of uncertainty. And with his reputation as 'The Icon of Entertainment', he's got a lot to live up to. Let's see if he can rise to the occasion and make a statement here tonight."

"Sak Pase, N'ap Boule" by Ghottan pulsates through the speakers, and a chorus of boos erupts from the crowd. The fans' disdain is palpable, and the tension is electric. As the music builds, Henri Toussaint emerges from behind the curtain, his confident swagger and unapologetic attitude commanding the attention of the crowd.

Everett: "Whoa, the atmosphere just got a whole lot more dangerous, folks! Henri Toussaint, aka 'Tonton Macoute', has arrived, and the crowd is on edge. This guy's got a reputation as a ruthless crime boss in post-earthquake Haiti, and his presence is unmistakable."

Pritchard: "Well, Eddie, it's clear that Toussaint is a man on a mission. His cold, calculating gaze is fixed on the prize, and he won't let anyone stand in his way. But Parker's got a few tricks up his sleeve, too. This is shaping up to be a battle for the ages, and I can't wait to see how it unfolds."

He makes his way to the ring, his movements fluid and calculated, as if taunting the fans with his very presence. Ignoring the jeers and catcalls, Henri focuses solely on Pierce. He hops into the air, rolling through the bottom rope with ease, and rises to his feet, his movements economical and precise.

Pritchard: "Indeed, Eddie, Henri Toussaint is a force to be reckoned with. His nickname strikes fear into the hearts of many, and his rap sheet is legendary. But what's interesting here is the apparent history between Toussaint and Sean Parker. The tension is palpable, and I suspect we'll see some bad blood spill over into this competition."

Strutting to the center of the ring, Henri spreads his arms wide, embracing the vitriol from the fans with a defiant laugh. He rips off his shirt, revealing his chiseled physique, and waits for the rest of the participants, his presence exuding an air of superiority and contempt for the crowd. Giant video screens surrounding the ring flash with images of his most controversial moments.

Everett: “Those two have got some serious beef, and it's gonna be explosive. This could get ugly, fast. And with the stakes this high, I don't think either man is gonna hold back."

The iconic riffs of Judas Priest shatter the air, heralding the arrival of Bartholomew Ramsbottom! This sheep-faced warrior stalks down the ramp, his eyes blazing with intensity, his fists clenched in defiance.

Everett: "What in the world, folks? The crowd is going wild, and I can't believe my eyes! It's Bartholomew Ramsbottom, the Woolly Warrior! I thought he was long retired, but here he is, making a shocking return to the ring!"

As he approaches the ring, Bartholomew extends a hand to the fans, but with a twist - he only acknowledges those who have shed their knitwear, rejecting the garb of the weak.

Pritchard: "This is a blast from the past! Bartholomew Ramsbottom was a brief fixture of the Dungeon of Pain era in UGWC, but we haven't seen him in years - what brings him out of retirement tonight?"

Those who dare to don the dreaded sweaters are met with a snarl of disgust, Bartholomew curling his lips back to reveal his teeth in a fierce rebuke. This maverick will not be swayed by the softness of yarn, and he makes his way to the ring, his presence a testament to the power and fury of the animal kingdom?

Everett: "That's a great question, Professor! Maybe he's looking to make a comeback, or maybe he just wants to have some fun. Either way, the crowd is loving it, and I've got to admit, I'm curious to see what he's got left in the tank."

Pritchard: "Well, Eddie, one thing's for sure - Bartholomew Ramsbottom is a wild card. His unpredictable style and could shake things up in this competition. Let's see if he can bring the laughs and the wins here tonight!"

The crowd erupts in a frenzy of color and sound, welcoming Riley Reverend Reed to the ring! A rainbow of streamers and confetti explodes from the pyrotechnic rigs, surrounding her with a kaleidoscope of color as she makes her way to the ring.

Everett: "YEAH, YEAH, YEAH! Get ready, folks, because Triple R is in the house! This young gun is fresh off a debut with a win and two losses under her belt, but she's got her sights set on the Conquest Championship! And what a way to do it, with another chance to take down Larry Tact in the future! It's about to get REAL, folks, REAL!"

Pritchard: "Riley's got a steep hill to climb, but she's certainly got the potential to make a lasting impact. With her disappointment in the Wrestlestock Open, she's got another shot at glory. As the great Shakespeare once said, 'Ambition should be made of sterner stuff,' and Riley's got that in spades.“

Resplendent in her sparkling white and rainbow-colored costume, Riley radiates joy and positivity, high-fiving fans and spreading love and acceptance to all.

Everett: "Riley's got the skills, the speed, and the determination to take on the best of the best. And with Larry Tact in her sights, she's got a real challenge ahead of her.”

She hands out signs that read "Love is the Answer" and "Be the Change", which fans eagerly hold up, creating a sea of colorful messages that fill the arena. As she enters the ring, Riley is met with a chorus of cheers and applause, her infectious energy and charisma enchanting the crowd.

Pritchard: “She's still got the motivation and the talent to make a real run at this. As the saying goes, 'the whole world is her oyster,' and Riley's ready to take the pearl!"

In a dramatic departure from the norm, the Wrestlestock Main Stage Area is plunged into darkness, the only sound the haunting piano intro to "Silver and Cold" by AFI. Suddenly, six spotlights pierce the darkness, illuminating the rafters above the GlobalTron, where "Razor" Mark Reznik is suspended in mid-air, slowly descending like a dark angel.

Everett: "Welcome back, Mark! The former Star of Tomorrow has returned to the ring, and the crowd is going wild!

His head bowed, arms outstretched, and a seven-string Ibanez guitar strapped to his body, Mark exudes an otherworldly aura. As he reaches the center of the screen, black feathery wings materialize, encasing his body in a majestic silhouette.

Pritchard: "Mark's return is a significant development. His time away from the ring has only added to his mystique, and his intense, brooding presence is welcome at Wrestlestock ‘24. As the great poet once said, 'The absence hath made the heart grow fonder,' and Mark's fans are eager to see what he brings to the table. The plot thickens, my friends."

Everett: "He’s not known for using that guitar as a weapon, but bringing into the midst of this field may not be a great idea."

The crowd erupts as Mark springs to life, shredding the opening guitar riff with precision and flair. The young females in the audience are particularly entranced, their screams echoing through the arena.As he touches down on the stage, Mark spins his guitar over his shoulder, where it comes to rest on his back.

Pritchard: "Well, Eddie, one thing's for sure - Mark's return has added a new layer of complexity to this match."

He raises his arms, mirroring his earlier pose, and basks in the adoration of the crowd. With a purposeful stride, he marches to the ring, removing his guitar before ascending the stairs

"Ken's Theme [Metal Cover]" by ToxicxEternity blazes to life, shattering the air. The stage erupts in a pyroclastic explosion of sparks, bathing the arena in an incandescent glow. Sean Parker emerges from the inferno, his hooded waistcoat billowing behind him like a dark cloud.

Everett: "SEAN PARKER HAS ARRIVED, FOLKS! The reaction is off the charts! This guy's got a reputation for intensity, and he's bringing it all to the ring! XWF Anarchy Champion, Zion Wrestling Endurance Champion, TRIAD Tribulation Winner - the list goes on and on! He's a force to be reckoned with, and he's ready to take on all comers!"

He drops to one knee, his head bowed in a gesture of intensity, as if summoning the fury of the metal gods. As the music surges forward, Sean unleashes his full fury, leaping to his feet with a feral cry.

Pritchard: "Sean Parker's career is a storied one. His numerous accolades and championships speak to his skill and dedication. But what's striking about Sean is his ability to adapt and evolve, to reinvent himself and push the boundaries of what's possible. As the great poet once said, 'The fire which seems extinguished, may still smolder in the ashes.'

His arms flail wildly, his fists clenched in defiance, as he charges towards the ring with a reckless abandon. He hurdles the ropes with a graceful leap, his body arcing through the air like a human projectile.

Everett: "He can take on anyone, and he's got the championship history to prove it. The crowd is eating it up!"

Sean lands with a precision that belies his frenzied entrance, his eyes blazing with intensity as he surveys the ring. He sheds his waistcoat and takes his place in the corner opposite Travis, Henri, Bartholomew, Mark, and Riley.

Pritchard: "It's clear that Sean Parker is a man on a mission. His eyes are fixed on Henri Toussaint, and I’ve got a feeling he won't let anyone stand in between them. As the saying goes, 'the die has been cast,' and Sean is ready to take his place among the legends of the ring."

"Jerry Was a Racecar Driver" by Primus fills the air. Tommaso Ferrari stands proudly at the starting line, grasping his gleaming fake car trophy and a bag of vibrant banger car design pillows.

Everett: "YEAH, YEAH, YEAH! Tommaso Ferrari is in the house, folks! This banger car driver is revving up the crowd with his fun-loving vibe! He's got heart and he's got style! He's like a racer, a rockstar, and a wrestling superstar all rolled into one!"

With a playful grin, Tommaso begins to scatter the pillows into the crowd, like a racer tossing confetti to the fans. He high-fives the enthusiastic audience, sharing his trophy with the masses, and letting them bask in the glory of his mock motorsport majesty.

Pritchard: "Ferrari is a unique individual. His background as a banger car driver and manager to the controversial Konrad Raab has prepared him for the unpredictable world of wrestling.

Everett: “Tommaso may not have the best win-loss record, but he's got spirit and he's got charm. He's like a breath of fresh air in the wrestling world, and the crowd loves him for it.

As he approaches the ring, Tommaso slides in with the grace of a pit crew pro, and ascends the turnbuckle to strike a triumphant pose. He skips and dances around the ring, his movements a kinetic blend of racer and rockstar, getting the crowd revved up and ready to roll.

Pritchard: "His kinetic energy and playful antics have gotten the crowd on their feet, and his determination is admirable. As the saying goes, 'the show must go on,' and Tommaso is ready to put on a show like no other!"

With a final flourish, Tommaso comes to a stop, his eyes fixed intently on the entrance ramp, awaiting the arrival of the next opponent.

"Fight Music" by D12 detonates through the speakers, signaling the arrival of Larry - The Protege of Pain!

Everett: "LARRY'S BACK, FOLKS! The Protege of Pain has returned, another Dungeon of Pain/Stars of Tomorrow-era star! This second-generation wrestler has got a legacy to live up to, being the son of Bigg Wafer the Antkiller, and a former protege of the enigmatic Holden Orson. He's been gone for years, but he's back with a purpose - to honor his father's memory and make a name for himself in the ring! It's about to get REAL, folks, REAL!"

He emerges on stage, clad in a black shirt emblazoned with the poignant tribute "ORS" in dark blue, a heartfelt homage to his late father. As Larry strides down the aisle, he connects with the fans, sharing a nod, a fist bump, or a brief word, forging a bond that fuels his determination.

Pritchard: “Larry's entrance is a poignant tribute to his late father, and a testament to his determination to forge his own path. 'The sins of the father are not the sins of the son,' as they say, and Larry is seeking to carve out his own legacy. His training under Ichabod has undoubtedly given him an unpredictable edge."

Everett: "Larry's got heart, he's got passion, and he's got a whole lot to prove. He's been gone for years, but he's back and ready to put it all on the line!"

In a symbolic gesture, he removes the ORS shirt, tossing it into the sea of fans, releasing his emotions and dedicating the match to his father's memory.

Pritchard: "Well, Eddie, Larry's entrance has certainly set the tone for the match. His connection with the fans, his focus, and his determination all point to a man on a mission. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree,' and that's what makes this so compelling."

Everett: Here’s Mitchell Dennis to explain this year’s District Conquest rules to the competitors!

Dennis: All eight competitors will be traveling through various districts in WrestleStockopolis. The objective is to collect as many "WrestleStock Coins" as possible, which are scattered throughout the districts.

He holds up a golden coin with the Global logo on it. It’s about the size of a baseball.

Dennis: Earlier today, fans were offered a chance to purchase power-ups and weapons that you can use. Those fans will have full discretion when and who to toss those to. The contest is a no-holds-barred race, you can fight, and you can use power-ups and weapons to gain an advantage while collecting those WrestleStock Coins. The wrestler who collects the most WrestleStock Coins before time expires will be declared the winner.

On multiple screens, a countdown clock appears, with 8:00PM as the time limit.

Dennis: Also, that winner will receive a shot at the Conquest Champion, Larry Tact, on July 26th!

The crowd explodes at that one.

Dennis: One last thing… as this is inspired by MarioKart, each of you will have to wear a character hat. You must have your hat to win when the final clarion sounds!

He begins to pass out hats, some to the chagrin of the recipient.

Riley Reverend Reed = Waluigi
Henri Toussaint = Bowser
Tommaso Ferrari = Mario
Larry - The Protege of Pain = Wario
Sean Parker = Luigi
Travis Pierce = Donkey Kong
Bartholomew Ramsbottom = Toad
"Razor" Mark Reznik = Yoshi

[UGWC Staff]

Wrestlestock District Conquest

The bell rings, and the wrestlers charge at each other.

Everett: "IT'S ABOUT TO GET REAL, FOLKS, REAL! The battle is on, and these eight wrestlers are ready to rock!"

Pritchard: "Indeed, Eddie! Mark Reznik is already locking up with Sean Parker, and Riley Reverend Reed is looking to ascend the turnbuckles already!"

Reznik and Parker exchange moves, with Reznik delivering a series of rapid-fire elbow strikes and Parker responding with a stunning Northern lights suplex. Reed takes down Larry with a flying forearm, and then quickly transitions into a tight headlock. Tommaso Ferrari joins the fray, delivering a high-impact dropkick to Reznik and then switching to Parker, who he takes down with a flying crossbody.

Everett: "Reznik is using his quickness to evade Parker's attacks, while Ferrari is delivering high-impact dropkicks to Larry.”

Pritchard: “Reed is using her agility to evade Ramsbottom's unorthodox attacks and catches him in a hammerlock!"

Riley yanks Bart into a DDT, then switches her attention to Travis Pierce, hitting a flying headscissor takedown. But before she can capitalize, Henri Toissaint intervenes, delivering a powerful spinebuster to Riley. Bartholomew Ramsbottom joins the fray, biting Toissaint's hair and then turning on Riley with a series of rapid-fire punches as payback.

Everett: "This is chaos, folks!!"

Pritchard: "A true spectacle. They are leaving it all out there, and the crowd is eating it up!"

Reznik and Parker team up to take down Ferrari, but then immediately turn on each other. Riley and Toissaint form a brief alliance against Larry, but then Riley turns on Toissaint with a dropkick. Pierce delivers a dragon suplex to Reznik, while Ramsbottom takes down Ferrari with a series of rapid-fire punches.

Everett: “That didn’t take long!”

Pritchard: “Indeed, the action has already spilled out of all sides of the ring, and the competitors have rushed off in every direction to start chasing down those coins!”

For the first little bit, all of the competitors head for different districts and start collecting coins without having to fend off anyone else. There are dozens of coins hidden around each district, so some are finding luck even when visiting districts their opponents have already been. This doesn’t last long, though, and the cameras rush to find the first scuffle that might break out.

[UGWC Staff]

Wrestlestock District Conquest

Everett: "We've got a real barnburner of a brawl on our hands here in The Devil's District! Tommaso Ferrari and Sean Parker are going at it over a set of three coins they found there!"

Pritchard: "That's right, Eddie! And what a setting for a fight - The Devil's District is always a wild card. You never know what's going to happen here!"

As they circle each other, a fan hands Ferrari a mushroom-shaped box containing a loaded boxing glove. Ferrari uses the glove to deliver a powerful punch to Parker, but after that shot, Parker is quick to react. Another fan hands Parker a motorcycle helmet, which he uses to deflect a series of punches from Ferrari.

Everett: "What a move by Parker!"

Pritchard: "And Ferrari is not backing down! He's using that loaded glove over and over!"

A fan hands Ferrari a nearby portable BBQ grill, which he uses to chuck a wave of burning coals at Parker. But Parker dodges at the last second and counters with a beer bottle handed to him by another fan.

Everett: "This is getting intense, folks! Both men are giving it their all, and the crowd is loving it!"

Pritchard: "I can't believe how quickly Parker dodged that flame attack! He's got some seriously quick reflexes."

As the scuffle continues, Parker gains the upper hand. A fan hands him a motorcycle chain, which he slaps right across the face of Ferrari. As Tommaso goes down, busted open, Parker grabs the three coins .

Everett: "And there you have it, folks! Sean Parker has emerged victorious in this brawl, and he's claiming the coins as his prize!"

Pritchard: "What a performance by both men, but in the end, Parker's quick thinking and cunning won out. He's got the coins, and he's got the crowd on his side!"

[UGWC Staff]

Wrestlestock District Conquest

Outside the Hell on Heels District, Larry - The Protege of Pain is exiting and counting the handful of coins he found there.

He’s caught off-guard by Travis Pierce, who hits him with a mannequin hard enough to shatter it and flatten everyone’s favorite student. Coins go flying, and Pierce calmly walks around the prone Larry, scooping up his gains and adding them to a pouch he’s got strapped to his thigh.

[UGWC Staff]

Wrestlestock District Conquest

Riley Reverend Reed and Henri Toussaint face off in the Mystic Mountain district, surrounded by the serene sounds of nature a. The crowd is electric, and explosions of foliage.

Everett: "Reed and Toussaint are going head-to-head over five coins hidden in a bonsai tree.”

Pritchard: "It’s about to get a whole lot less serene."

As they circle each other, a fan hands Reed a jump block. She uses it to propel herself over Toussaint, setting up a big superman punch. But Toussaint is ready for her, and he counters with a crystal orb that was handed to him by another fan. He clobbers Reed mid-attack, sending her crashing to the ground.

Everett: "Toussaint is taking control, folks, but Reed is not one to give up easily!"

Pritchard: "Reed is looking for an opening to use her agility and quick reflexes to outmaneuver Toussaint as she dodges big swings with that orb."

A fan hands Reed a nearby meditation mat, which she uses to sweep Henri’s feet from under him. As she starts to get up, Toussaint explodes up and grabs her and shoves her into a nearby waterfall feature. He nearly drowns her as Reed struggles to break free, but Toussaint's grip is too strong.

Everett: "He's got Reed in a dangerous position, will she be able to escape?"

Pritchard: "As Dante once said, 'In the darkest depths of hell, there is still hope.' Oh, nevermind…"

Reed has gone limp in the water, and Henri drops her to go and retrieve the coins from the bonsai.

[UGWC Staff]

Grudge Match
Montague Cervantes vs Trent Steel

Covert Jay: Grudge Match time!

Lieberjosch: It is indeed time for our featured match of the day!

Vinegar: Trent Steel undoubtedly wants to remind the recently returned “Showman” why he picked the wrong show to kick off!

Lieberjosch: It was quite a return and I can perfectly understand why Trent Steel is so angry about being humiliated like he was at the end of “Battleground.”

Vinegar: It was a return perfectly in keeping with what we know of Montague Cervantes. Weird, unique, theatrical…

Lieberjosch: And painful.

Vinegar: Far be it for him to omit that part of his self-granted remit.

Lieberjosch: “Remit?” Nice word, Nick.

Covert Jay: Isn’t that a real estate company?

Lieberjosch: That’s “Remax.”

Covert Jay: It’s not where you bring used clothes to?

Lieberjosch: That’s “ReSource.”

Covert Jay: It’s not breaking down one thing to make something else?

Lieberjosch: That’s “recycling.” Are you messing with me?

Covert Jay: Yes.

Lieberjosch: Don’t.

Vinegar: Undoubtedly these two men will try to destroy each other. I have to wonder if Steel has ever been in the ring with anyone quite like Montague Cervantes.

Lieberjosch: There’s someone else in wrestling like Cervantes? I’m not sure I’m comfortable with that. He knows some freaky stuff and even freakier people.

Vinegar: Yes, and I’m sure he’ll remind Steel of that. Don’t forget that Steel is not a rookie and has an impressive resume. He may not have dealt with anyone quite like Montague, but I expect he’s done his homework and will be prepared.

Covert Jay: I hate homework.

Lieberjosch: It shows.

Vinegar: Let’s go to Mitchell!

Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen this is your FEATURED MATCH and it is for ONE FALL. Introducing FIRST.



The lights start to flicker as "Bleed the Freak" by Alice in Chains starts to play...


"Myyyy Cup Runneth Overrrrr...Likkkkeeee Blood from a Stoneeeeeeee..."


As the chorus starts to play fire goes off in the entranceway as Trent Steel heads down the rampway. Trent is wearing a stylyed black trench coat with barbwire, metal spikes, and chains on it. His eyes covered by black oakleys with red leses. HIs face covered in corpse paint. As he gets to the bottom of the rampway he brings up a grill lighter to his lips and spits out a fireball! Trent gets into the ring and removes the trench coat and his shades. Under the coat we see he's basically wearing black street clothes. He faces the closest ring corner and does a quick "Hail Mary" before he pops his knuckles and awaits Montague.

Dennis: Hailing from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. He stands at five feet, eleven inches tall and weighs two hundred and twenty-five pounds. He’s “The Son Of A Bitch,” TRENNNNNNNNT STEEEEEEEEEEEEEL!!!!!

Covert Jay: His face pain freaks me out.

Lieberjosch: That’s the idea. It’s psychology.

Covert Jay: I don’t like psychology.

Lieberjosh: That shows too. You’d have to have a mind to appreciate it.

Vinegar: Moving on. Let’s go back to Mitchell to introduce the returning Montague Cervantes.

Dennis: And his OPPONENT...



The sound of a winding filmstrip can be heard as the arena is bathed in dim sepia light. A trumpet sounds accompanied by a spotlight emanating from the curtain. It backlights a man in a top hat, with a cane slung over his left shoulder. As a tinny voice begins to sing, the silhouetted figure moves along with the directions of the lyrics.



As you can see

I go back and forth

That's right

Side to side

Back and forth

Back and forth

Back and side to side



The music picks up some energy right as the spotlight switches to shine from the rafters, illuminating the grinning face of Montague Cervantes dressed in an elaborate jacket and a jauntily-cocked top hat. When the auto-tuned verse begins, "Listen to me, Listen to me" he starts making his way toward the ring, turning, flourishing, bowing, and two-stepping along with the music.

Dennis: Standing in today at six feet, three inches tall, and weighing two hundred and sixty-three pounds, he is a former UGWC World and Cooperative Champion…he is “The Doctor-Professor” MONNNNNTAAAGUUUUUUE CERRRVAAAANNNNNNTEEEEES!!!!

Covert Jay: Steel looks tiny compared to Cervantes.

Lieberjosch: I’d forgotten how stocky he is.

Vinegar: I doubt that Steel is intimidated by that.

Lieberjosch: I was in no way insinuating that he is.

Vinegar: I know.

Covert Jay: Poor Hazel is going to have her hands full.

Vinegar: When doesn’t she?

Lieberjosch: When she’s with her husband?

Vinegar: Hans… you can do better than that. That’s a cheap shot.

Lieberjosch: It was all that came to mind.

Vinegar: I’m disappointed in you.

Lieberjosch: I know. I blame Jay.

Vinegar: It’s not Jay’s fault.

Lieberjosch: There’s the bell! Thank God!

Vinegar: Saved by the bell. Cervantes and Steel go to lock up, but Steel ducks under the attempt and straight-up punches Cervantes in the face, drawing a warning from Hazel.

Lieberjosch: A declaration that he’s not intimidated.

Vinegar: Montague chuckled and nodded his head. From everything we’ve ever seen of him, we know violence won’t intimidate him, and he wants an opponent who might be misjudging him.

Lieberjosch: Given his appearance, that’s easy to do. As we both know, that too is part of his strategy.

Vinegar: It is. Steel takes a step back and dares Montague to come after him, which he’s only too happy to do. He goes for another tie-up, but Steel ducks under that one and kicks him in the back of the leg. Steel kicks him again, this time in the back of his foot. He takes a step back at attempts a chop block, but Cervantes backflips out of his way, leaving him looking slightly stunned.

Lieberjosch: Steel won’t like that flourishing bow.

Vinegar: He doesn’t, although he’s far too experienced to let it get to him. He shoots toward Montague, who moves again and kicks Steel in the back for good measure.

Lieberjosch: A lot of “cat and mouse,” and “tit for tat” so far.

Covert Jay: I don’t see any cats, mice, or tits.

Lieberjosch: I have a pretty big masked tit sitting next to me.

Covert Jay: Where?

Lieberjosch: And thus is my point proven.

Vinegar: Good for you. Cervantes and Steel are back to circling and appraising each other again.

Lieberjosch: There’s a good amount of trash-talking going on.

Vinegar: Mostly by Steel. Cervantes seems amused by it.

Covert Jay: Steel has quite the mouth on him. I bet his mother’s embarrassed by it.

Lieberjosch: Something your mother knows all about.

Covert Jay: How’d you know?

Lieberjosch: Lucky guess.

Vinegar: Steel and Cervantes go to lock up…no! Steel kicks Cervantes in the stomach and drives him into the mat with a DDT. He presses his advantage by locking Cervantes into a Dragon Sleeper.

Lieberjosch: I think it’s a bit early for that, but knowing Steel, he’s giving Cervantes a very simple warning that two can play mind games.

Covert Jay: There’s nothing subtle about those! Maybe he’ll give him a titty twister next!

Lieberjosch: The most desperate of holds. I’m certain that he won’t.

Vinegar: He wrenches back on the sleeper and cubs Cervantes across the chest a few times with his other forearm before he finally releases the hold, spins, and crunches Cervantes with a massive clothesline! Cervantes slumps forward slightly, but never reaches the mat as Steel immediately plunges a Mandible Claw down his gullet!

Lieberjosch: This is exactly the kind of aggression Steel has to show if he’s going to beat Cervantes.

Covert Jay: I can’t tell if Cervantes is yelling or laughing.

Lieberjosch: It might be a combination of both. He’s a sick man.

Vinegar: Steel forces Cervantes to the mat, but Cervantes won’t tap out.

Lieberjosch: He looks like he might be fading a bit.

Vinegar: Steel adds force to the hold and Cervantes yellsl before slumping into the corner. Steel looks at him suspiciously before he demands that Hazel check to see if Cervantes is out. Hazel looks and immediately tells Steel to break the hold.

Covert Jay: He’s mad!

Lieberjosch: Incredulous, as he should be. Cervantes appears to be out cold, but Hazel won’t award the match to him!

Vinegar: That’s because Cervantes has his leg under the rope.

Lieberjosch: I didn’t even notice.

Covert Jay: He slipped it under there like a Ninja!

Vinegar: Hazel points at Cervantes’ leg, which Steel stares at angrily. He pulls Cervantes out of the corner and away from the ropes and drops for the pin.

Lieberjosch: I doubt that’ll be enough.

Vinegar: Cervantes kicks out at two! Steel yells at Hazle, who ignores him. Steel pulls Cervantes up, gets behind him and hosits him up and over, slamming him down with a German suplex. He pulls Cervantes back up, adjusts his arms and launches him over and back to the mat with a head and arm suplex that sends Cervantes crashing back to the mat. Cervantes rolls and comes up on his knees. Steel lunges!

Covert Jay: Damn!

Lieberjosch: That was a hell of a kick to the face!

Vinegar: Cervantes topples back over and Steel is immediately on him, pullnig him up and whipping him at the ropes. Instead of waiting for Cervantes to return, he runs at him and buries a knee in Cervantes stomach, then piledrives him. Steel rolls Cervantes over for the cover!

Lieberjosch: Hazel’s in position!

Covert Jay: Could it end this quickly?

Vinegar: No! Cervantes kicks out at two!

Covert Jay: With authority!

Lieberjosch: Not that much, Jay. That wasn’t one of his stronger kickouts.

Vinegar: Steel grabs Cervantes around the waist and takes him over with a wheelbarrow suplex. He adjusts his hands again and performes a side suplex. He rolls through and pulls Cervantes up, finally dropping him with a neckbreaker!

Lieberjosch: Cover him again and tire him out!

Covert Jay: He might be listening to you.

Vinegar: Steel goes for another cover, but once again Cervantes kicks out!

Lieberhosch: That one was almost instantaneous.

Vinegar: As you said, Hans, each kick out expends a little more of Cervantes energy. I don’t know if this is an attrition tactic by Steel, but whatever he has in mind, this seems to be working.

Lieberjosch: Not so much that time.

Vinegar: It was probably more effective than it looked.

Covert Jay: Cervantes is almost back to his feet!

Vinegar: Steel leaps forward!

Lieberjosch: He’s not on his feet anymore.

Vinegar: Steel blasts Cervantes with a superkick that takes him back to the mat. Steel drills him with a clothesline, then barrages him with punches! Hazel begins the count, but Steel doesn’t seem to care until Hazel pushes him off! Steel shoves his way past her, almost getting himself disqualified, and viciously kicks Cervantes in the face!

Covert Jay: Is he ... smiling?

Lieberjosch: Probably. Montague Cervantes is a very strange and unhealthy man.

Vinegar: Steel yanks Cervantes up by his beard, drawing another rebuke from Hazel.

Lieberjosch: Which he also ignores.

Vinegar: Steel whips him into the ropes…

Covert Jay: Powerbomb!

Vinegar: Steel rolls Cervantes up for another pin, this time he stacks him up to use Cervantes's weight against him!

Lieberjosch: One!

Vinegar: Cervantes kicks out after a long two! Steel looks legitimately angry now, insisting that the count was slow. Hazel insists it wasn’t as Steel picks Cervantes back up and hoists him onton his shoulders!

Lieberjosch: That’s an incredibly nasty move!

Covert Jay: It gives me the heebie jeebies.

Vinegar: Pittsburgh Nightmare!!

Lieberjosch: It’s an absolutely devastating-looking Death Valley Driver.

Covert Jay: He’s not done!

Vinegar: He has Cervantes back up!

Lieberjosch: “The Eradication!” Cervantes's head hits the turnbuckle! Steel drops for another pin attempt!

Covert Jay: He’s a third of the way there!

Lieberjosch: He has two!

Vinegar: No! Montague somehow has the presence of mind to grab the bottom rope! Steel pounds on the mat and berates Hazel, who shoots it back. Steel pulls Montague up again and throws him toward the ropes! Montague changes his diection once he hits the ropes and shoots back toward Steel!

Covert Jay: Holy crap! I forgot he could do that!

Lieberjosch: As did I!

Vinegar: Montague ducks the attempted strike, leaps onto, then spins around Steel!

Covert Jay: I didn't know he could do that!

Lieberjosch: I didn't know anyone could do that. Anyone his size, at least.

Vinegar: Cervantes swings around to Steel's front…

Lieberjosch: Most impressive.

Vinegar: Cervantes surprises Steel with a st out jawbreaker. Steel pops up and staggers back as Montage somehow has the energy and presence of mind to dart for the corner.

Covet Jay: Flippy Ninjaaaaaa!!!

Lieberojsch: His agility is incredible for a man as large as he is.

Vinegar: “Lament for a Toy” factory! The kick catches Steel clean between the eyes! He dashes up the opposite turnbuckle and comes flying off as Steel staggers in his direction!

Covert Jay: Blockbuster!

Vinegar: Cervantes scoops Steel up and slams him into the mat with two quick and violent powerbombs! He pulls Steel back to his feet and throws him at the opposite ropes. Steel falls forward into them and finds himself stuck between the first and second ropes!

Covert Jay: We’re gonna see it!

Vinegar: Carousel Kick! Steel is flat on his back! Montague pulls him up and throws him into the corner, following him. Cervantes reaches the corner and leaps through the ropes…

Covert Jay: Carousel Kick!

Lieberjosch: Unbelieveable!

Vinegar: Steel looks really woozy as he stumbles back out into the ring! Montague leaps up top and flies off, decking him with an clothesline! Montague continues his assault.

Covert Jay: Stick the Landing!

Vinegar: The elbow lands perfectly with Montague landing next to the incapacitated Steel! Hazel drops for the cover!

Covert Jay: Steel hasn’t moved!

Lierberjosch: I’m not sure he’s going to in time!

Vinegar: Theres’s the three! Montague Cervantes wins his return match at WrestleStock 2024!

Covert Jay: Trent Steel is irate!

Vinegar: Let’s head back to the District Conquest!

Lieberjosch: I have to wonder if this disagreement between them is over after this.

Vinegar: I’m sure we’ll find out, Hans, although it wouldn’t surprise me if it wasn’t!

[UGWC Staff]

Wrestlestock District Conquest

On the thoroughfare between the Desert Mobility Center and the Lego District of Fame, Mark Reznik shoulders a big pouch of coins as he glances cautiously up and down the walkway. Satisfied that the coast is clear, he marches toward the center of the city.

Suddenly, with a small, electronic roar, a side-by-side barrels out of the Mobility Center and clips “Razor” in the hip, knocking him flying. The driver, Travis Pierce, snatches the bag of coins out of the air as Reznik goes flying, and slaps it into the back of the cart.

[UGWC Staff]

Wrestlestock District Conquest

Two wrestlers stand on the massive pirate ship in the Pirates’ Cove district.

Everett: "Folks, Ferrari and Toussaint are about to put everything on the line in this battle."

Pritchard: "Someone hands Ferrari a box shaped like star, containing a protein bar. He gobbles it quickly before delivering a series of rapid-fire punches to Toussaint.

Toussaint is quick to react, using a nearby water cannon to blast Ferrari off his feet. Another fan hands Toussaint a box shaped like a leaf, containing a pirate's cutlass, which he uses to slice at Ferrari's defenses.

Everett: "Toussaint is taking the upper hand, folks! He's using that cutlass to devastating effect, keeping Tommaso from mounting another offensive."

Pritchard: "But Ferrari is refusing to back down. He's dodging Toussaint's attacks and looking for an opening to strike back."

As he throws up his left hand, Henri slices through his palm. This motivates Ferrari to grab Toussaint’s wrist and shove it into the hull of the ship, which holds it fast.

A fan hands Ferrari a box shaped like a heart, containing a bandage, which he wraps around his hand. He then grabs a nearby barrel and chucks it at Toussaint, knocking him over the edge of the deck and onto a precarious plank.

Another fan hands Toussaint a box shaped like a lightning bolt, containing a grappling hook, which he uses to swing towards the mast, then swing back in to deliver a flying kick to Ferrari.

Everett: "This is turning out to be a real battle of wits, folks! Both wrestlers are using every trick in the book to gain the upper hand."

Pritchard: "All over two coins sitting on the pilot’s wheel!"

Toussaint rushes up the steps to that wheel, only to discover the coins are no longer there! He gets smashed from behind by Ferrari with the thickest part of that grappling hook! He’s busted open!

Everett: “Did you see what happened to the coins?”

Pritchard: “Travis Pierce snuck up and swiped them while Henri and Tommaso were battling it out!”

Everett: “Ferrari notices Pierce on the ground shoving the coins into his pouch, and he bolts to give chase!”

[UGWC Staff]

Across the Hastingsphere

We see a view from high above WrestleStockopolis, and the drone camera descends into the Hastingsphere District, until it settles directly in front of Owen Peterson, holding a microphone.

Peterson: Welcome back to WrestleStock. I’m Owen Peterson, the Sports Entertainment Executive of UGWC, and your host for this very special Across the Hastingsphere Match for the UGWC Cross-Hemisphere Championship. Our competitors today will clash in all corners of the Hastingsphere in pursuit of glory. We begin with a special edition of the competition that has captured the hearts of district patrons all week, KONECHIWAH!!

On the set of KONECHIWAH!! we see Hiroki Sebaseragi, who once upon a time was a trainee of the Dungeon of Pain, holding a microphone.

Sebaseragi: (translated from Japanese) <Yes hello and welcome to KONECHIWAH!! We have three mighty competitors with us today, let's meet them now! First up, he is very British, please welcome Sebastian Everett-Bryce!>

Each competitor is behind an individual podium.

Seb: I heard my name so I assume you're talking about me, but I have no idea what you said. Can we get subtitles or something?

Sebaseragi: <We are somewhat similar I think, you and I, only you are Sebastian, and I am Sebaseragi. What are the chances?>

The Host and audience laugh, as Sebastian furrows his brow.

Sebaseragi: <Next up is a man who is very angry like a bull whose testicles refuse to descend. Please welcome Zane Scott!>

Zane: Of all the stupid things I've had to do because of Donovan, this is one of them.

Sebaseragi: <And finally there is our esteemed champion, and the man who made everything you see before you today possible. Please welcome the reigning champion, the Lord of Pain, Donovan Hastings!>

Donovan smiles and does a wave of royalty to the crowd.

Hastings: I hope everyone is enjoying their time here in the Hastingsphere, and best of luck today to my two fine opponents.

Seb: Hold on, did you understand him, or you just heard him say your name? You just heard your name, right?

Zane rolls his eyes.

Sebaseragi: <Ha ha! You are full of humor, like an adolescent boy prepared for the wind to blow. Let us begin!>

Some dramatic Japanese sounding music plays.

Sebaseragi: <Sebastian! We begin with you. Please tell us the city that you were born in!>

Seb: Are you talking to me? I have no idea what you’re saying.

Sebaseragi: <That is…incorrect!>

A burly man appears behind Sebastian and waffles him with a chair.

Sebaseragi: <Very fun! Now, Donovan, it is your turn. Please say something that sounds Japanese.>

Hastings: Hirata mosuki yamanoru kashimo tsunaki reyanoru.

Sebaseragi: <Complete nonsense, and…correct!>

DING!

Sebastian gingerly gets back up, holding his back and looking at Donovan with confusion.

Sebaseragi: <Zane, we come to you. Who is the greatest Entertainment Professional in UGWC history?>

Zane: Donovan Hastings.

Sebaseragi: <That is…correct!>

DING!

Seb: You understand Japanese?

Zane: No, but I understand him.

Zane nods towards Donovan, who shrugs his shoulders.

Sebaseragi: <And now it is time for the lightning round! For this round, we will now attach a shock collar to each of you.>

Burly men attach a shock collar around the neck of all three.

Seb: What is happening right now?

Sebaseragi: <Now, we will present you with a wrestler who is wearing a luchador mask, and you must name…that…wrestler!>

Sebastian tugs at the collar.

Sebaseragi: <Sebastian, you will go first. Name…this…wrestler!>

A very unremarkable and non-descript man wearing a luchador mask comes out and stands next to Hiroki.

Seb: Me? I’m supposed to know who this is?

BZZZT!

Seb: AGH!!!

Sebastian falters momentarily as he gets shocked.

Sebaseragi: <Incorrect! Let’s see who it is!>

The wrestler removes his mask and reveals his identity as…

Sebaseragi: <...Shimizu Ichiro!>

Seb: I still don’t know who that is.

Zane: He had a cup of coffee here about ten years ago.

Sebaseragi: <Donovan, it is now your turn. Name…this…wrestler!>

A new luchador comes out.

Hastings: It’s Wrestley McWrestleface.

Zane: I’m going to assume you just think anybody with a luchador mask is the same person.

Sebaseragi: <That is…>

The luchador removes his mask to reveal a second mask underneath it.

Sebaseragi: <Correct!>

Seb: You’ve got to be kidding me.

Donovan brushes his shoulder off.

Sebaseragi: <Zane, we come to you. Name…this…wrestler!>

A new luchador comes out.

Zane: I don’t care.

BZZZT!!

Zane doesn’t react.

Seb: Hold on, is his collar not working?

Hastings: It’s working fine, he’s just not selling it.

Seb: How can you be sure?

Donovan holds up the button that operates the collars.

Seb: Wait, why do you have the button?

BZZZT!!

Seb: AGH!!!

Sebastian falters again as he gets shocked.

Sebaseragi: <Incorrect! The answer was Eric Gold, who appeared briefly in UGWC in early 2010. The lightning round is over!>

The burly men remove the shock collars as Seb is again picking himself off the floor.

Sebaseragi: <It is time now for FINAL QUESTION!!>

Seb: I think the collar gave me a rash.

Sebaseragi: <Above you is a large bucket of live lobsters. I will now ask one of you the FINAL QUESTION. If you get it incorrect, the bucket will spill on you. If you answer correctly, the bucket will instead spill on one of your opponents at random.>

Seb: Is the trainer available? Does Jordan still work here?

Hastings: Hold on a second-

Sebaseragi: <Sebastian! Who was the most accomplished Entertainment Professional to never do anything of real value and is NOT named Dave Rydell?>

Seb: Hello? JK?

Sebaseragi: <That is…correct! It is Jordan King! And now for one of your opponents, the raining lobsters!>

BUZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!

Donovan looks up, and actually gets a panicked look on his face. Live lobsters begin falling from above him, but Donovan quickly brandishes a kendo stick and begins swatting at them. One lobster gets knocked into the air towards Zane and latches onto his nipple, but Zane refuses to sell for it.

The rain ends, and Donovan is breathing heavily, having evaded danger. Zane slowly looks down at the lobster that is hanging from him, and he yanks it off before storming up to Donovan, and he begins whipping Donovan with the lobster.

The burly men rush in to break things up, separating the three competitors.

Sebaseragi: <Ha ha ha! What a great time we have had! Thank you for watching KONECHIWAH!!>

Peterson: We will have more from the Hastingsphere in a bit, but we return you now to the District Conquest!

[UGWC Staff]

Wrestlestock District Conquest

Bartholomew Ramsbottom scours the Piercing Media District, unable to turn up a single Wrestlestock Coin. Against what might be better judgment in a different wrestler, he’s still in the very first district he tried, convinced he has to turn up a coin somewhere.

Finally he approaches Captain 80s, who is standing in as the opponent for fans who want to practice their trash-talking skills.

Ramsbottom: Good Captain, where are the coins??

Cap: AHOOOOOY BARTHOLOMEW RAMSBOTTOM!! THE CAPTAIN FOLLOWED HIS ORDERS TO PERFECTION! YEAAAAAHHH!!! OUR COMMANDER TRAVIS PIERCE ORDERED THAT ALL COINS IN THE DISTRICT BE COLLECTED AT THE START OF THE DISTRICT CONQUEST AND ROB CARTWRIGHT DELIVERED THEM TO TRAVIS PIERCE WHEN HE LAST CAME BY THE DIST–

Ramsbottom: Shenanigans! Malarkey! Roguery!

Cap: YOU NEED THE CAPTAIN’S HELP WITH YOUR TRASH TALK, BARTHOLOMEW RAMSBOTTOM! YOUR VOICE MUST CARRY! MAKE THEM HEAR YOU IN MEXICO CITY!

Ramsbottom: MISCHIEF! DEVILRY! HOGWASH!

Cap: LOUDER!!

Ramsbottom: BALDERDASH! THIEVERY! FRAUD!

Cap: YEAAAAAAAAAAHH!!

Ramsbottom turns and shin kicks the Captain, bringing him to a knee. He then spins and headbutts him flat onto his back. Bartholomew continues searching the district, apparently not believing Captain 80s.

[UGWC Staff]

Across the Hastingsphere

Peterson: Welcome back to the Hastingsphere, and the second leg of our Across the Hastingsphere Match! Please welcome our commentators for this portion, “The Athlican” Paul Cockatoo, and CajoolZ the Hobo!

Cockatoo: Oy, thanks mate! I’ll say, we are certainly excited to be here in the Hastingsphere, there certainly is a lot at stake.

CajoolZ: Steak?

Cockatoo: The marathon that is the Hastingsphere continues, and a Sumo Match is about to happen for the second leg.

CajoolZ: Leg, like a chicken leg?

Cockatoo: No.

CajoolZ: I miss Chicken Licken.

Cockatoo: Yes, we all remember your rubber chicken.

CajoolZ: Tasty chicken.

The three competitors are lifted onto a circular platform, all three wearing a super inflated sumo costume. Zane looks particularly annoyed.

Cockatoo: To win this portion of the Hastingsphere, you’ve got to be the last man standing on the platform, but it’s going to be difficult in them getups they’re wearing, don’t you think, partner? They all look like giant marshmallows.

CajoolZ: Sweet and tasty marshmallows.

BONNNGGGG!!

At the sound of the gong, all three men advance towards each other, but Hastings immediately bounces off Seb and stumbles backwards before falling forward and appears to be stuck, as neither his feet or hands are now touching the ground. Zane and Seb both try to knock the other back, but neither is able to gain much ground.

Cockatoo: No one seems able to drum up much momentum so far. Anything you see, partner?

CajoolZ: I think that child over there has my Chicken Licken!

Cockatoo: And he’s gone.

HISSSS!!!

Seb and Zane continue to struggle, as meanwhile Hastings’ sumo outfit appears to be deflating, and he stands up out of it and appears to toss a small metallic object aside. Seb and Zane both see him, but their outfits prevent them from being able to do anything about it as Donovan knocks each of them off the platform with successive dropkicks!

Cockatoo: What a comeback by Donovan Hastings! We thought he was out of it early, and there was certainly concern after what happened in KONECHIWAH!! But he has battled back and won the Sumo contest!

Zane fights his way out of his outfit, and CajoolZ bumps into him, having just snatched a rubber chicken from a child. Zane spins and clobbers the hobo with a two-handed sledge strike. The rubber chicken pops into the air and is caught by Zane, who then reaches up and grabs the celebrating Hastings by the leg, yanking him off the platform. Zane begins repeatedly smacking Hastings with the rubber chicken until the burly men rush in to break things up.

Peterson: We’ll be back for more from the Hastingsphere in just a bit as the stakes continue to rise, but we return you now to the District Conquest!

CajoolZ: Goodbye…delicious…steak.

[UGWC Staff]

Wrestlestock District Conquest

Everett: Sean Parker and Riley Reverend Reed have both entered the Arizona Regional Wrestling district. They stand outside the town bank building, where the coveted Wrestlestock Coins are being held.

Pritchard: "As the great philosopher, Aristotle, once said, 'We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.' Both wrestlers have shown excellence in their craft so far today, and it will be interesting to see who comes out on top."

As they circle each other, a fan hands Parker a box shaped like a mushroom, containing a lasso. He uses it to try and rope Reed, but she dodges out of the way just in time. Another fan hands Reed a box shaped like a star, containing a pair of cowboy boots. She dives behind a watering trough to put them on, noticing they seem to be heavier than regular boots.

Everett: "Reed is using her newfound footwear to her advantage, folks! She's got Parker on the defensive, like a cowboy kicking a steer!"

Pritchard: "Parker is refusing to back down, Eddie. A fan hands Parker a box shaped like a heart, containing a bag of horseshoe tacks, which he flings into Riley’s face.

Reed is distracted long enough for Parker to deliver a falcon arrow onto the tacks. Another fan hands Reed a box shaped like a lightning bolt, containing a bottle of hot sauce, which she drinks and spits into the face of Sean.

Everett: "This is turning out to be a real rootin'-tootin' good time, folks! They’re unleashing a cold ruthlessness like a pair of cowboys in a shootout at high noon!"

Pritchard: "As the great poet, Emily Dickinson, once said, 'The truth must dazzle gradually, or every man be blind.' We’re certainly getting a dazzling display of skill in ARW!"

As the battle rages on, fans hand out a variety of weapons and power-ups, including a box shaped like a cactus containing a pair of gloves with sharp spikes and a box shaped like a horseshoe containing a… horseshoe.

Just as it seems like the battle is reaching its climax, a mysterious figure in a disguise tries to sneak into the ring. It's Travis Pierce, dressed in a cowboy costume complete with a fake mustache and a wide-brimmed hat, attempting to blend in. He's even carrying a fake guitar case, trying to look like a traveling musician.

Everett: "What the hay, folks? We've got a sneaky snake in the grass trying to steal the coins! Travis Pierce, what are you up to? And what's with the getup? You look like a reject from a bad country music video!"

Pritchard: "It seems like Travis is once again trying to take advantage of the situation. But I think he'll find that Riley and Sean are not going to let him get away with it."

Riley and Sean spot Travis and immediately pull him into the battle. The three wrestlers clash, using all the weapons and power-ups at their disposal.

Riley uses the spiked gloves to deliver a series of chops to Travis’s chest. Travis dodges behind a haybale, then retaliates with a powerful spinning heel kick.

Sean then uses the horseshoe as a projectile, hurling it at Travis. Travis doesn’t see it, and the horseshoe hits him square on the chest, sending him stumbling backward.

Riley takes advantage of the opening and delivers a seated senton, followed by an elbow drop off a stagecoach!

Everett: Parker is darting into the bank!

Pritchard: Riley notices and gives chase!

Parker runs toward the bank exit with a bank bag clutched in his fist, but Reed catches him by surprise with a big spinebuster. The coins scatter, and they both rush to recover them. In the end, Riley and Sean both leave ARW with a handful of coins, but Pierce saw no gains from the district!

[UGWC Staff]

Across the Hastingsphere

Peterson: Welcome back to the Hastingsphere! Bringing things up to speed, we started things off with Sebastian Everett-Bryce pulling off an upset victory in our game show challenge, followed by Donovan Hastings winning the sumo challenge. To tell us about part three of our journey, please welcome Joy Asiago!

Asiago: Thank you, Owen!

Donovan, Seb, and Zane are all standing shirtless with their hands bound, and are all tied to a single pole, positioned so that each can see the other two in a triangle.

Asiago: The following is a Singapore Cane Endurance Test!

Seb: You’ve got to be kidding me.

Asiago: Each of our three competitors will be struck repeatedly in the back with a singapore cane by a burly man. At any point you may call a one minute relief timeout, but following that minute you will be struck repeatedly until you quit. The last person remaining will win the challenge!

Zane glares silently at Donovan.

Asiago: Begin!

All three men are struck in the back with a singapore cane.

Hastings: Time-out!

Seb looks at him with bewilderment, just as he is struck again.

Seb: Ow! Seriously, already? OW!!

Donovan stands upright and smiles at Seb as Seb is struck again, meanwhile Zane is still glaring at Donovan and has yet to acknowledge that anyone is hitting him.

Blows continue to pummel Seb and Zane as Donovan whistles to himself.

Asiago: Ten second remain in the time-out!

Crowd: Five! Four! Three! Two! One!

Hastings: I yield.

Seb: What!? AGHH!!!

The latest causes Seb to fall to a knee. Blood is actually dripping from Zane’s back, but he refuses to sell it.

Donovan continues to smile at Seb, who looks up at him. Seb looks to Zane and watches the Professional struck with another blow, and then takes another himself. He looks up at Donovan as realization washes over him, moments before he is struck yet again.

Seb: Yield! I yield!

Asiago: The winner of the Singapore Cane Endurance Test is Zane Scott!

With a flick of his wrists, Donovan is free of his bonds, and he snatches a singapore cane from a burly man before spinning and smacking Zane in the face with it, and this blow knocks him down. Donovan rains repeatedly blows on Zane, as meanwhile Seb has collapsed from the attrition he just suffered.

Donovan cracks Zane a final time before throwing the cane aside and standing over both Seb and Zane.

Hastings: See you both in the main event.

Peterson: And we'll see YOU, viewers, in just a bit in the featured ring! We send you now back to the District Conquest!

[UGWC Staff]

Wrestlestock District Conquest

Pritchard: “The clock is winding down, and the competitors are starting to come together in the Bronyland Ranch district!”

Everett: "Let's recap what's happened so far. We've seen Sean Parker and Riley Reverend Reed face off in the Arizona Regional Wrestling district, with Travis Pierce trying to sneak in and steal the coins. But Riley and Sean were having none of it, and they pulled him into the battle.”

Pritchard: “Earlier, in the Devil's District, Parker went head-to-head with Tommaso Ferrari over three coins, with Parker emerging victorious. And in the Mystic Mountain district, Reed and Henri Toussaint clashed over five coins, with Toussaint coming out on top."

Everett: "Outside the Hell on Heels District, Larry - The Protege of Pain found himself on the receiving end of a mannequin to the face, courtesy of Travis Pierce. And near the Lego District of Fame, Mark Reznik was clipped by a side-by-side that was also piloted by Pierce.”

Pritchard: “In the Pirates' Cove district, Ferrari and Toussaint faced off, but Pierce was there to capitalize and take the coins. Meanwhile, in Travis’s own district, Bartholomew Ramsbottom was left empty-handed after a fruitless search for coins."

Everett: "We've seen battles in the Desert Mobility Center, the Lego District of Fame, and more. We've seen wrestlers using everything from loaded boxing gloves to pirate cutlasses to grappling hooks. It's been a wild ride, and it's not over yet. “

Pritchard: Each wrestler has shown their unique skills and strategies, from Riley's agility to Travis's cunning. And the coins, oh the coins! They're scattered all over the city, just waiting to be claimed."

Everett: "And let's not forget about the power-ups. We've seen everything from protein bars and sports drinks, to bandages and extra coins. Each wrestler has used their power-ups to gain the upper hand, but it's anyone's game at this point."

Pritchard: "I’m hearing we've got some casualties, folks. Larry and Mark are out of the contest, still recovering from their injuries. And Bartholomew Ramsbottom is still searching the Piercing Media District, but it seems like he's searching for coins that just aren't there anymore. “

Everett: “That's a shame..."

Pritchard: "It's a tough competition, but we've still got five wrestlers in the running."
Riley and Travis clash, with Riley dodging a couple of big haymakers. She snatches a box from a nearby fan, which is shaped like a fire flower, and it contains a pair of brass knuckles. She puts them on and goes on the offensive.

Everett: "Riley's playing her part to perfection, delivering those punches like a rockstar delivers a power chord!

Pritchard: Travis is reeling, but he's not out yet.

Everett: Parker and Toussaint square off, much to the anticipation of the fans who saw this feud spark on X.

They engage in a test of strength, but Henri responds with a powerful bear hug, squeezing the air out of Sean's lungs. A fan hands Sean a box shaped like a shell, containing a can of silly string. He uses it to entangle Henri, momentarily immobilizing him after spraying him in the eyes.

Pritchard: Not the strongest of weapons, but Parker uses it to great effect!

Ferrari now attacks Pierce face off, with Tommaso already carrying a box shaped like a Tanooki. He opens it, and a swarm of bees flies out and engulfs Travis’ head!! The Icon flails and swats, knocking off his own Donkey Kong hat in the process.

Everett: Ferrari looks just as shocked, staring into the box with horror.

Riley uses her brass knuckles to box Henri’s ears while Tommaso fends off Sean with a large, glass rainbow.

Pritchard: “The clock is ticking, and the match will end the moment time runs out.”

Everett: “They’re keeping the pressure on, everyone stealing glances at the screen as they battle to emerge victorious! Tommaso suddenly shatters the rainbow over Parker’s head, then slams him with Bangers and Smash!”

Pritchard: But, Travis delivers The Truth Hurts to Tommaso before he can continue the assault!

Everett: Riley dives off the corral fence with The Benediction on Henri but Henri catches her and plants her with Boulé Kay!

Pritchard: "Parker has gotten up to a shaky base, and he hits Pierce with Masamune Decapitation!"

Everett:: "That seems to have drained the last of his endurance, as he collapses on a table scattered with Cheerios! We’ve got seconds to go, and the crowd is chanting”

Crowd: Five! Four! Three! Two! One!

Pritchard: "It’s over! Officials are moving in to count the coins and confer on a winner.”

Everett: “Unfortunately, Pierce is disqualified because he lost his hat!

Pritchard: Tommaso Ferrari finishes with 41 coins, Riley Reverend Reed finishes with 38 coins, Henri Toussaint finishes with 47 coins, Travis Pierce finishes with 44 coins, and Sean Parker finishes with 48 coins!"

Everett:: "Sean Parker is declared the winner and #1 contender to the UGWC Conquest Championship! He’ll be challenging Larry Tact on July 26th!"

Pritchard: "Indeed, Eddie. And as the great poet once said, 'All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players.' These fighters have certainly played their parts well, and we can't wait to see what the future holds for them."

Everett: Big thanks to UGWC for welcoming us to Wrestlestock! We’ll return to your regularly-scheduled announce team!!