Post by >V< on Aug 7, 2013 20:52:29 GMT -5
Name: >\/<
Area of Responsibility: Yet to be revealed
Moniker: "The Devil's Most Feared" (DMF)
Other Nicknames: The Teutonic Terror, Your Heroically Heroic Hero of Heroically Heroic Heroism, The Exterminator, El Phantasmo, 238 Pounds Of Ass Kickings and Pussy Lickings, El Jefe Loco, The Dreamsmasher, The Crushing Reality, Your Mom's Favorite Wrestler, El Mesías, Hardcore Snookems
Legal Full Name: Klaus vonKnorre
Pic Base: Phil Anselmo
Appearance: Outside of the ring, Klaus dresses like he doesn't give a fuck. It's on purpose, of course, because he really doesn't. Give a fuck, that is. His "street attire" consists of a baseball cap, Dickies brand work shorts, sneakers, black tube socks pulled up to his calves, and t-shirts. His impressive collection of t-shirts consists of mostly of heavy metal bands, although he increasingly chooses to represent sports teams as well. For battle, he keeps it simple with solid-color baggy pants (picture Sabu's ring attire, without the high gloss sheen, and you're pretty much there,) tucked into black boots with white shin guards. Black elbow pads and white athletic tape on the wrists and hands complete the modest outfit.
Height: 6'2"
Weight: 238 pounds
Age: Thirty-ish
Alignment: Babyface. He's definitely not the "shake babies and kiss hands" kind of guy, but the fans just can’t seem to hate him, no matter what he does. He's got this anti-hero kind of thing going on, your mom said she loves it!
Hometown: Some town in Germany. He forgets which one, since he hasn't been there since he was a kid.
Currently Residing In: San Diego, California
Associates and Allies:
-His soulmate; Harley Addams
-"The Mainstreamer" Martin Graber
-Executive Assistant; Lorenzo "Larry The Conqueror Of Planets" Lawrence
-His legal representation; El Mucho Gordo
-The COO of his business ventures; Gian Jones
Enemies: Wallace. Fuck his first name and all 27,000 of his monikers. He's just Wallace.
Entrance Music: "Sad But True" by Metallica
Here's a link, motherfucker: youtu.be/O_4OfD-wmGs
Entrance: Metallica’s glorious masterpiece "Sad But True" hits, with guitars tuned low enough to melt your goddamn speakers. As the audience roars their appreciation, >\/< emerges from behind the curtain to stand on the stage. He lights up a cigarette, tossing the Bic lighter into the crowd.
He stands on the stage as the song blares, the crowd roaring along with the lyrics. He looks around at them with an appreciative snarl, smoking his cigarette, then pulls a bottle of Chadweiser out of...well, seemingly nowhere. He cracks it open, tossing the cap carelessly over his shoulder, and holds it up to the crowd in a silent "L'chaim" before chugging all twelve fluid ounces down with the kind of ease that comes from a whole hell of a lot of practice. The now-empty bottle reaches the same fate as the cap, tossed carelessly over his shoulder, and he finally begins to make his way slowly down the entrance ramp towards the ring. He takes his time, smoking and roaring lyrics along with members of the crowd, occasionally getting face-to-face with someone to do so, especially during the "I'm your hate" lyric which is a whole fuck of a lot of fun to roar at some bitch. He stops at the base of the ramp as if to collect himself, drops the cigarette butt and grinds it out on the floor under the heel of his boot. He rolls under the bottom rope into the ring, stands, and then pounds a fist to his chest.
Fighting Style: Hardcore/technical/high-flyer.
Taunts: Does scratching your balls count as a taunt? He does that a lot. He does the metal horns hand sign thing a lot, of course. Not the lamey one with the thumb out that means "I love you" in sign language, either. Mostly he looks at his opponent with distaste or possibly outright disdain, and scoffs at how much of a dirtbag they are. Shit like that, and of course giving people the finger.
If he's feeling especially ornery in his medulla oblongata, he'll give a motherfucker the Gator Chomp. Here, our ol' pal Tim Tebow will demonstrate it for you, in case you needed a refresher:
Regular Moves:
- Shooting star press
- Endless German suplex variations
- 450° splash
- Powerbomb variations, to include driving the opponent into the turnbuckles
- Dropkick variations (to include the kind done with a backflip, missile dropkick, etc.)
- DDT variations
- Boston Crab, both single leg and double leg versions
Signature Moves:
Hostility Dose; In homage to recent UGWC Hall of Fame inductee "Bitch Fantastic" Jezebel Saint,
it's a running one-armed swinging neckbreaker:
Teutonic Elbow; if you've ever seen "Brother Ray" of "Team 3-D" deliver his homage to Dusty Rhodes' "Bionic Elbow," then I shouldn't have to explain this one to you. If not, here goes; after a combination of elbow strikes to the head that leaves his opponent staggering, barely on his feet, >\/< does a little shimmy, some fancy-ass hand jive kinda deal, scratches his balls, and then slams his elbow into the opponent's forehead in a downward strike. So basically it's this;
Except that as I said above, Klaus usually does some hip wiggle, thrusts and/or scratches his balls or something in addition to the hand jive thing before the final elbow.
B. I. T. C. H. (Buried In The Clown's House.) A tigerbomb (double-underhook powerbomb) usually performed off the top rope, often through a table, or onto some other implement of pain, which has been set up either in the ring or outside on the arena floor. >\/< uses this move as an homage to his friend CaRNiVaL the Clown, and as such will usually pound a fist to his chest before or after performing the move as a nonverbal shout-out to "The Boston Cream Mangler." Under normal circumstances, >\/< usually only busts this move out in order to cause serious pain to a very hated opponent, although sometimes he'll simply dust it off for a big crazy hardcore match simply for shits 'n giggles. CaRNiVaL approves of such shenanigans, of course, since shits 'n giggles is pretty much his whole gimmick. Here's Cesaro demonstrating a basic version of the move:
The Stage Dive; a running somersault plancha from the ring apron to a standing opponent on the arena floor. This move usually results in the opponent getting hit directly in the face by >\/<'s ass. It's one of those insult added to injury type deals. Here's a video of our ol' pal Goldust performing the move on an unsuspecting Erick Rowan:
Alternitively, (meaning whenever the fuck he goddamn well feels like it,) >\/< can also perform the move as a more simplistic (yet much more visually impressive) high-risk type version from the top rope:
As in the video, it's only performed to an opponent standing outside of the ring, however.
The Full Frontal; A nice vicious spear, better known as the Gore. >\/< uses this move both in tribute and an insult to his drinking buddy and Inaugural UGWC Hall of Fame inductee Raenius. Here's our ol' buddy Rhino showing you how it's done:
The DreamSmasher; >\/< utilizes his ultraviolent weapon of choice, a standard broom with six florescent light tubes duct taped around the handle, the whole thing wrapped up in barbed wire, to bludgeon his opponent with indiscriminate brutality. This of course is only done in high-profile hardcore matches.
Primary Finisher:
The Teutonic Facebuster; In it's most basic form, it's a guillotine legdrop:
>\/< enjoys hitting this move from all over the ring, be it a springboard from inside the ring to the floor outside, or a slingshot from the ring apron into the ring, or off the top rope to wherever the fuck he feels like. Also, match rules permitting, he likes to use it to drive a chair, steel stop sign, or other object into the face or skull region of his downed opponent. Or of course, to drive his opponent through a table that said opponent has been laid prone upon. Here's an admittedly shaky version from poor ol' Sabu:
Of course, the ultimate would be a sick combination of all of the above. We'll save that for a big PPV match, though.
Secondary Finisher:
The Lullaby; A fireman's carry, spun out into a stunner. Marc Mero called this move the TKO. Former XPW and CZW star and deathmatch specialist The Messiah calls it the GodSmack. >\/< simply remarks "have a nice nap, cocksucker!" Basically, it's this move;
Except Klaus usually lands more sitting upright so it's a Stunner instead of a Cutter.
Personality: You probably think that >\/< is a son of a bitch. Conversely, you like the guy. You have no idea why, but you really like him. You dig his laid-back attitude and "who gives a fuck, somebody get me a beer" mentality. He's a godless heathen, a womanizer, and a notorious drunk, but still you want to hang out with him. It's okay, you know. He wants you to hang out with him too, as long as you have a sweet rack. What’s that? You say you’re a dude? Well, fine….but you’re picking up the bar tab.
Biography: Born into privilege as the son of wealthy German industrialists, Klaus vonKnorre wanted for nothing. When his parents died in a horrific accident on Germany's notorious Autobahn, 6-year old Klaus was sent to live with an aunt, who had emigrated to the United States, settling in Orlando, Florida. Having lived in the States for so long, Klaus is quite acclimated, and has recently even enjoyed participating in the American tradition of divorce. >\/< is well-known in the world of wrestling, and is normally well-liked in spite of his selfish, irrational, and occasionally violent anti-social behavior. As a result of the aforementioned divorce's cataclysmic results on his personal finances, Klaus was left destitute. After years of failed attempts to make it on his own, which included an indeterminate length of time spent employed at a lumber yard, Klaus was taken in by his "framily" members Cypress Morgan and Jezebel Saint. They re-introduced him to the world of professional wrestling, and (perhaps unwisely) allow him to live at the DMW Clubhouse. Through the latter half of 2013, the in-ring actions of >\/< were impressive enough to prove his loyalty to the Club, and he was "patched in" (much to the chagrin of Frank "Chimp" Chaumont) and officially became part of the group.
As the Club's Sergeant-At-Arms, >\/< was responsible for maintaining the club's weapons. As such, an ordinary two-wheeled motorcycle would have been insufficient for his needs. Therefore, he commissioned Roach, Squidgey, and Carlos to build, well....this:
Note that this picture was taken before the final addition to the trike; a massive steel footlocker bolted to the rear of the frame between the dual rear wheels. What is inside that box is never spoken of aside from a chosen few insiders, however the word is that you do NOT want to see Klaus open that box. Trust me on that.
During the ramp-up to Horizons 2014, Klaus vonKnorre finally won the high-profile defamation and slander/libel lawsuit against his ex-wife, who had written and published a torrid best-selling book about her time as his wife. As the book was judged to be jammed full of demonstrable lies which pale in comparison even to the numerous ones in that American Sniper nonsense, Klaus was entitled to not only a hefty sum of restitution (which quite nearly comprised the entirety of his ex-wife's assets,) but also to every cent of profit which the book has made, or will ever make, from date of publication until the expiration of copyright.
As a newly (once again) wealthy man, Klaus made the conscious decision that crashing on a futon in the back room of a failing biker gang's clubhouse no longer constituted adequate living conditions. As such, he packed up his belongings, and in a convoy of (now-former) DMW members and affiliates which remained loyal to him, set out cross-country to set up a new home in his newfound soulmate Harley Addams' hometown of San Diego, California.
Area of Responsibility: Yet to be revealed
Moniker: "The Devil's Most Feared" (DMF)
Other Nicknames: The Teutonic Terror, Your Heroically Heroic Hero of Heroically Heroic Heroism, The Exterminator, El Phantasmo, 238 Pounds Of Ass Kickings and Pussy Lickings, El Jefe Loco, The Dreamsmasher, The Crushing Reality, Your Mom's Favorite Wrestler, El Mesías, Hardcore Snookems
Legal Full Name: Klaus vonKnorre
Pic Base: Phil Anselmo
Appearance: Outside of the ring, Klaus dresses like he doesn't give a fuck. It's on purpose, of course, because he really doesn't. Give a fuck, that is. His "street attire" consists of a baseball cap, Dickies brand work shorts, sneakers, black tube socks pulled up to his calves, and t-shirts. His impressive collection of t-shirts consists of mostly of heavy metal bands, although he increasingly chooses to represent sports teams as well. For battle, he keeps it simple with solid-color baggy pants (picture Sabu's ring attire, without the high gloss sheen, and you're pretty much there,) tucked into black boots with white shin guards. Black elbow pads and white athletic tape on the wrists and hands complete the modest outfit.
Height: 6'2"
Weight: 238 pounds
Age: Thirty-ish
Alignment: Babyface. He's definitely not the "shake babies and kiss hands" kind of guy, but the fans just can’t seem to hate him, no matter what he does. He's got this anti-hero kind of thing going on, your mom said she loves it!
Hometown: Some town in Germany. He forgets which one, since he hasn't been there since he was a kid.
Currently Residing In: San Diego, California
Associates and Allies:
-His soulmate; Harley Addams
-"The Mainstreamer" Martin Graber
-Executive Assistant; Lorenzo "Larry The Conqueror Of Planets" Lawrence
-His legal representation; El Mucho Gordo
-The COO of his business ventures; Gian Jones
Enemies: Wallace. Fuck his first name and all 27,000 of his monikers. He's just Wallace.
Entrance Music: "Sad But True" by Metallica
Here's a link, motherfucker: youtu.be/O_4OfD-wmGs
Entrance: Metallica’s glorious masterpiece "Sad But True" hits, with guitars tuned low enough to melt your goddamn speakers. As the audience roars their appreciation, >\/< emerges from behind the curtain to stand on the stage. He lights up a cigarette, tossing the Bic lighter into the crowd.
He stands on the stage as the song blares, the crowd roaring along with the lyrics. He looks around at them with an appreciative snarl, smoking his cigarette, then pulls a bottle of Chadweiser out of...well, seemingly nowhere. He cracks it open, tossing the cap carelessly over his shoulder, and holds it up to the crowd in a silent "L'chaim" before chugging all twelve fluid ounces down with the kind of ease that comes from a whole hell of a lot of practice. The now-empty bottle reaches the same fate as the cap, tossed carelessly over his shoulder, and he finally begins to make his way slowly down the entrance ramp towards the ring. He takes his time, smoking and roaring lyrics along with members of the crowd, occasionally getting face-to-face with someone to do so, especially during the "I'm your hate" lyric which is a whole fuck of a lot of fun to roar at some bitch. He stops at the base of the ramp as if to collect himself, drops the cigarette butt and grinds it out on the floor under the heel of his boot. He rolls under the bottom rope into the ring, stands, and then pounds a fist to his chest.
Fighting Style: Hardcore/technical/high-flyer.
Taunts: Does scratching your balls count as a taunt? He does that a lot. He does the metal horns hand sign thing a lot, of course. Not the lamey one with the thumb out that means "I love you" in sign language, either. Mostly he looks at his opponent with distaste or possibly outright disdain, and scoffs at how much of a dirtbag they are. Shit like that, and of course giving people the finger.
If he's feeling especially ornery in his medulla oblongata, he'll give a motherfucker the Gator Chomp. Here, our ol' pal Tim Tebow will demonstrate it for you, in case you needed a refresher:
Regular Moves:
- Shooting star press
- Endless German suplex variations
- 450° splash
- Powerbomb variations, to include driving the opponent into the turnbuckles
- Dropkick variations (to include the kind done with a backflip, missile dropkick, etc.)
- DDT variations
- Boston Crab, both single leg and double leg versions
Signature Moves:
Hostility Dose; In homage to recent UGWC Hall of Fame inductee "Bitch Fantastic" Jezebel Saint,
it's a running one-armed swinging neckbreaker:
Teutonic Elbow; if you've ever seen "Brother Ray" of "Team 3-D" deliver his homage to Dusty Rhodes' "Bionic Elbow," then I shouldn't have to explain this one to you. If not, here goes; after a combination of elbow strikes to the head that leaves his opponent staggering, barely on his feet, >\/< does a little shimmy, some fancy-ass hand jive kinda deal, scratches his balls, and then slams his elbow into the opponent's forehead in a downward strike. So basically it's this;
Except that as I said above, Klaus usually does some hip wiggle, thrusts and/or scratches his balls or something in addition to the hand jive thing before the final elbow.
B. I. T. C. H. (Buried In The Clown's House.) A tigerbomb (double-underhook powerbomb) usually performed off the top rope, often through a table, or onto some other implement of pain, which has been set up either in the ring or outside on the arena floor. >\/< uses this move as an homage to his friend CaRNiVaL the Clown, and as such will usually pound a fist to his chest before or after performing the move as a nonverbal shout-out to "The Boston Cream Mangler." Under normal circumstances, >\/< usually only busts this move out in order to cause serious pain to a very hated opponent, although sometimes he'll simply dust it off for a big crazy hardcore match simply for shits 'n giggles. CaRNiVaL approves of such shenanigans, of course, since shits 'n giggles is pretty much his whole gimmick. Here's Cesaro demonstrating a basic version of the move:
The Stage Dive; a running somersault plancha from the ring apron to a standing opponent on the arena floor. This move usually results in the opponent getting hit directly in the face by >\/<'s ass. It's one of those insult added to injury type deals. Here's a video of our ol' pal Goldust performing the move on an unsuspecting Erick Rowan:
Alternitively, (meaning whenever the fuck he goddamn well feels like it,) >\/< can also perform the move as a more simplistic (yet much more visually impressive) high-risk type version from the top rope:
As in the video, it's only performed to an opponent standing outside of the ring, however.
The Full Frontal; A nice vicious spear, better known as the Gore. >\/< uses this move both in tribute and an insult to his drinking buddy and Inaugural UGWC Hall of Fame inductee Raenius. Here's our ol' buddy Rhino showing you how it's done:
The DreamSmasher; >\/< utilizes his ultraviolent weapon of choice, a standard broom with six florescent light tubes duct taped around the handle, the whole thing wrapped up in barbed wire, to bludgeon his opponent with indiscriminate brutality. This of course is only done in high-profile hardcore matches.
Primary Finisher:
The Teutonic Facebuster; In it's most basic form, it's a guillotine legdrop:
>\/< enjoys hitting this move from all over the ring, be it a springboard from inside the ring to the floor outside, or a slingshot from the ring apron into the ring, or off the top rope to wherever the fuck he feels like. Also, match rules permitting, he likes to use it to drive a chair, steel stop sign, or other object into the face or skull region of his downed opponent. Or of course, to drive his opponent through a table that said opponent has been laid prone upon. Here's an admittedly shaky version from poor ol' Sabu:
Of course, the ultimate would be a sick combination of all of the above. We'll save that for a big PPV match, though.
Secondary Finisher:
The Lullaby; A fireman's carry, spun out into a stunner. Marc Mero called this move the TKO. Former XPW and CZW star and deathmatch specialist The Messiah calls it the GodSmack. >\/< simply remarks "have a nice nap, cocksucker!" Basically, it's this move;
Except Klaus usually lands more sitting upright so it's a Stunner instead of a Cutter.
Personality: You probably think that >\/< is a son of a bitch. Conversely, you like the guy. You have no idea why, but you really like him. You dig his laid-back attitude and "who gives a fuck, somebody get me a beer" mentality. He's a godless heathen, a womanizer, and a notorious drunk, but still you want to hang out with him. It's okay, you know. He wants you to hang out with him too, as long as you have a sweet rack. What’s that? You say you’re a dude? Well, fine….but you’re picking up the bar tab.
Biography: Born into privilege as the son of wealthy German industrialists, Klaus vonKnorre wanted for nothing. When his parents died in a horrific accident on Germany's notorious Autobahn, 6-year old Klaus was sent to live with an aunt, who had emigrated to the United States, settling in Orlando, Florida. Having lived in the States for so long, Klaus is quite acclimated, and has recently even enjoyed participating in the American tradition of divorce. >\/< is well-known in the world of wrestling, and is normally well-liked in spite of his selfish, irrational, and occasionally violent anti-social behavior. As a result of the aforementioned divorce's cataclysmic results on his personal finances, Klaus was left destitute. After years of failed attempts to make it on his own, which included an indeterminate length of time spent employed at a lumber yard, Klaus was taken in by his "framily" members Cypress Morgan and Jezebel Saint. They re-introduced him to the world of professional wrestling, and (perhaps unwisely) allow him to live at the DMW Clubhouse. Through the latter half of 2013, the in-ring actions of >\/< were impressive enough to prove his loyalty to the Club, and he was "patched in" (much to the chagrin of Frank "Chimp" Chaumont) and officially became part of the group.
As the Club's Sergeant-At-Arms, >\/< was responsible for maintaining the club's weapons. As such, an ordinary two-wheeled motorcycle would have been insufficient for his needs. Therefore, he commissioned Roach, Squidgey, and Carlos to build, well....this:
Note that this picture was taken before the final addition to the trike; a massive steel footlocker bolted to the rear of the frame between the dual rear wheels. What is inside that box is never spoken of aside from a chosen few insiders, however the word is that you do NOT want to see Klaus open that box. Trust me on that.
During the ramp-up to Horizons 2014, Klaus vonKnorre finally won the high-profile defamation and slander/libel lawsuit against his ex-wife, who had written and published a torrid best-selling book about her time as his wife. As the book was judged to be jammed full of demonstrable lies which pale in comparison even to the numerous ones in that American Sniper nonsense, Klaus was entitled to not only a hefty sum of restitution (which quite nearly comprised the entirety of his ex-wife's assets,) but also to every cent of profit which the book has made, or will ever make, from date of publication until the expiration of copyright.
As a newly (once again) wealthy man, Klaus made the conscious decision that crashing on a futon in the back room of a failing biker gang's clubhouse no longer constituted adequate living conditions. As such, he packed up his belongings, and in a convoy of (now-former) DMW members and affiliates which remained loyal to him, set out cross-country to set up a new home in his newfound soulmate Harley Addams' hometown of San Diego, California.
2013, '18, '23 
2013 
